{"1": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4222", "width": "2627", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0001.jp2"}, "2": {"fulltext": "LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.\\nChap, No\\nShel\u00c2\u00a3_fi\u00c2\u00a3__\\nUNITED STATES OF AMERICA.", "height": "4166", "width": "2493", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0002.jp2"}, "3": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4166", "width": "2493", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0003.jp2"}, "4": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0004.jp2"}, "5": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0005.jp2"}, "6": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0006.jp2"}, "7": {"fulltext": "CHEFS-D\u00e2\u0080\u0099OEUVRE\\nDU\\nROMAN CONTEMPORAIN\\nROMANCISTS", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0007.jp2"}, "8": {"fulltext": "OF! THIS edition,\\nPRINTED ON JAPANESE VELLUM .PAPER,:\\nONLY ONE THOUSAND COMPLETE COPIES ARE\\nPRINTED FOR SALE\\nm.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0008.jp2"}, "9": {"fulltext": "THE ROMANCISTS\\nALFRED DE MUSSET\\nTHE CONFESSION\\nOF A CHILD OF THE CENTURY", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0009.jp2"}, "10": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0010.jp2"}, "11": {"fulltext": "o\\\\Yss\\\\ osssi ,omo$\\\\ o\\\\ sso\\nwsvYxxms\\\\ hYsso o$\\\\\\\\ \\\\s^\\\\\\\\s ofa. ^osYi s\\\\o \\\\o mow\\nWomi Ysssss \u00e2\u0080\u00a2Vsssi\\\\v%xss\\\\ooxs ss issos t \\\\teoWx ,Vs ws\\nM^m \u00c2\u00abo \\\\Yi\\\\\\\\ omoz Wa izwo ss \\\\V$s\\nY^vh Ymo ossoto wo", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0011.jp2"}, "12": {"fulltext": "|Jart jFotirtij fflljaptct V\\nOne day on returning to her home I saw a little\\nroom open that she called her oratory the only furniture\\nin it, indeed was a kneeling-chair and a small altar\\nwith a cross and some flower-vases. fell on my\\nknees on the stone and I wept bitterly.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0012.jp2"}, "13": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0013.jp2"}, "14": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0014.jp2"}, "15": {"fulltext": "ROMAN CONTEMPORAIN\\nALFRED DE MUSSET\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nCHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nTEN ETCHINGS\\nPHILADELPHIA\\nPRINTED ONLY FOR SUBSCRIBERS BY\\nGEORGE BARRIE SON\\n1", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0017.jp2"}, "16": {"fulltext": "TWO COPIES RECEIVED,.\\nLibrary of Congr Q8Sb\\nf fled o f the\\nFFR 7 9\\nrteglsfap of Copyright^\\nP2 3\\nMm\\nd*\\nd\\n55934\\nCOPYRIGHT, 1899, BY GEORGE BARRIE SON\\nSuC JrJ Ovii J\\n^cAjeV^A^ 0", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0018.jp2"}, "17": {"fulltext": "THIS EDITION OF THE\\nCONFESSION OF A CHILD OF THE\\nCENTURY\\nHAS BEEN COMPLETELY TRANSLATED\\nBY\\nT. F. ROGERSON, M. A.\\nTHE ETCHINGS ARE BY\\nEUGENE ABOT\\nAND DRAWINGS BY\\nPAUL-LEON JAZET", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0019.jp2"}, "18": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0020.jp2"}, "19": {"fulltext": "THE\\nCONFESSION OF A CHILD\\nOF THE CENTURY", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0021.jp2"}, "20": {"fulltext": "V.\\ns A", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0022.jp2"}, "21": {"fulltext": "PART FIRST", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0023.jp2"}, "22": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0024.jp2"}, "23": {"fulltext": "PART FIRST\\nI\\nTo write the history of one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s life, one must first have\\nlived it and so it is not my own that I write.\\nHaving been afflicted, while yet young, with an\\nabominable moral malady, I relate what happened to\\nme during three years. If I were the only one sick, I\\nwould say nothing about it but as there are many\\nothers besides myself, who suffer from the same dis-\\nease, I write for them, while not too sure that they will\\npay any attention to it for, in case no one should take\\nwarning therefrom, I shall still have derived this benefit\\nfrom my words, that I shall have cured myself more\\neffectually, and, like the fox caught in the trap, I shall\\nhave gnawed my captive paw.\\n7", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0025.jp2"}, "24": {"fulltext": "8\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nII\\nDuring the wars of the Empire, whilst husbands and\\nbrothers were in Germany, uneasy mothers had given\\nbirth to an ardent, pale, nervous generation. Conceived\\nbetween two battles, brought up in the colleges to the\\nbeating of drums, thousands of children looked at them-\\nselves and one another with a gloomy eye, while trying\\ntheir puny muscles. From time to time their blood-\\nstained fathers appeared, raised them to their gold-\\nbedizened breasts, then put them down again and\\nremounted on horseback.\\nOne man only was then the life of Europe all other\\nbeings tried to fill their lungs with the air that he\\nhad breathed. Each year France made to that man\\na present of three hundred thousand young men; that\\nwas the tax paid to Caesar, and, if he had not that\\nflock supporting him, he could not follow out his for-\\ntune. It was the escort that he needed to traverse\\nthe world, and to go and perish in a little valley of a\\ndesert island, under a weeping willow.\\nNever were there so many sleepless nights as in that\\nman\u00e2\u0080\u0099s time; never was such a people of disconsolate\\nmothers seen reclining on city ramparts; never was\\nthere such silence around those who spoke of death.\\nAnd yet never was there so much joy, so much life, so", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0026.jp2"}, "25": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n9\\nmuch flourishing of war trumpets in every court. Never\\nwere there suns so cloudless as those that dried up all\\nthat blood. People said that God had made them for\\nthat man, and people called them his suns of Austerlitz.\\nBut he, indeed, made them himself with his ever thun-\\ndering cannon, which left clouds only on the morrow of\\nhis battles.\\nIt was the air of that spotless sky, in which shone so\\nmuch glory, in which glittered so much steel, that chil-\\ndren then breathed. They knew well that they were\\ndestined for the hecatombs; but they regarded Murat\\nas invulnerable, and people had seen the Emperor pass\\nover a bridge amid the whizzing of so many balls that\\nthey knew not whether he could die. And even should\\none have to die, what was that? Death itself was then\\nso beautiful, so grand, so magnificent in its smoking\\npurple It so closely resembled hope, it mowed down\\nsuch green ears, that it was as if it had become young,\\nand that one no longer believed in old age. Every\\ncradle in France was a buckler, and so, also, was every\\ncoffin verily there were no more old men, there were\\nonly corpses or demi-gods.\\nYet, one day, the immortal Emperor was to look from\\na hill at seven peoples cutting one another\u00e2\u0080\u0099s throats; as\\nhe did not yet know whether he was to be the master of\\nthe world or only of half of it, Azrael passed by the\\nway, he grazed the tip of his wing and thrust him into\\nthe ocean. At the splash of his fall, the moribund", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0027.jp2"}, "26": {"fulltext": "IO\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\npowers sat up in their beds of suffering, and, reaching\\nout their hooked claws, all the royal spiders cut up\\nEurope, and of Caesar\u00e2\u0080\u0099s purple, made for themselves a\\nHarlequin\u00e2\u0080\u0099s garment.\\nJust as a traveler, as long as he is on his way, rushes\\non night and day in rain and in sunshine, regardless of\\nhis vigils or of his dangers, but as soon as he has\\narrived in the bosom of his family and is seated before\\nthe fire, feels extremely weary and can scarcely drag\\nhimself to bed so France, as Caesar\u00e2\u0080\u0099s widow, sud-\\ndenly felt her wound. She fell in a swoon, and slept\\nso deep a sleep that her old kings, believing her dead,\\nenveloped her in a white winding-sheet. The old\\ngray-haired army retired exhausted from fatigue, and\\nthe fires were rekindled in sorrow in the deserted\\nchateaus.\\nThen those men of the empire, who had run so much\\nand cut so many throats, embraced their emaciated\\nwives and spoke of their first loves they looked at\\nthemselves in the fountains of their natal meadows, and\\nthey saw themselves so old, so mutilated, that they re-\\ncalled their sons, so that one might close their eyes.\\nThey asked where they were the children left college,\\nand, no longer seeing either sabres, or cuirasses, or\\ninfantry, or troopers, they, in their turn, asked where\\ntheir fathers were. But they received for answer that\\nthe war was ended, that Caesar was dead, and that the\\nportraits of Wellington and Bliicher were hung in the", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0028.jp2"}, "27": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nir\\nantechambers of consulates and embassies, with these\\ntwo words at the bottom Salvatoribus mundi.\\nThen a moody youth sat down on a world in ruins.\\nAll these children were drops of a boiling blood that\\nhad inundated the land they were born in the midst of\\nwar, for war. They had dreamt for fifteen years of the\\nsnows of Moscow and of the sun of the Pyramids.\\nThey had not gone out from their cities but they had\\nbeen told that, through each barrier of these cities, one\\nwent to a European capital. They had a whole world\\nin their heads they looked at earth, sky, streets, and\\nroads; all that was void, and their parish bells alone\\nresounded in the distance.\\nDim phantoms, clad in dark robes, slowly traversed\\nthe fields others knocked at the doors of the houses,\\nand, as soon as these had been opened to them, they\\ndrew from their pockets large, well-worn parchments,\\nwith which they drove out the inhabitants. From all\\nsides came men still trembling with the fear that had\\nseized them on their departure, twenty years before.\\nAll claimed, disputed, and clamored people were aston-\\nished that a single death could bring so many crows.\\nThe king of France was on his throne, looking here\\nand there lest he might spy a bee in his tapestry.\\nSome extended their hats to him, and he gave them\\nmoney others showed him a crucifix and he kissed it\\nothers were satisfied with calling great resounding\\nnames in his ear, and he replied that they should go", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0029.jp2"}, "28": {"fulltext": "12\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ninto his great hall, that its echoes were sonorous still\\nothers showed him their old cloaks, as they had thor-\\noughly wiped the bees from them, and to those he gave\\na new garment.\\nThe children looked upon all that, ever thinking that\\nCaesar\u00e2\u0080\u0099s shade was going to disembark at Cannes and\\nbreathe on these larvae but silence still continued, and\\npeople saw floating in the heavens only the paleness of\\nthe lilies. When the children spoke of glory, they were\\ntold Become priests when they spoke of ambition\\nBecome priests\\nMeanwhile there mounted to the tribune a man who\\nheld in his hand a contract between king and people\\nhe began to say that glory was a noble thing, and the\\nambition of war also but that there was one thing yet\\nmore noble, and its name was Liberty.\\nThe children raised their heads and remembered\\ntheir grandfathers, who had also spoken of it. They\\nremembered having met, in the dark corners of their\\nfather\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house, mysterious marble busts with long hair\\nand a Roman inscription; they remembered having\\nseen of an evening, while sitting up together, their\\ngrandmothers shaking their heads and speaking of a\\nriver of blood far more terrible than that of the\\nEmperor. In that word Liberty there was for them\\nsomething that made their hearts beat, something at\\nonce like a distant and terrible reminiscence and also\\nlike a cherished hope, still more distant.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0030.jp2"}, "29": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n13\\nThey bounded as they heard it; but on returning\\nhome they saw three baskets being carried to Clamart 1\\nthey were three young men who had pronounced the\\nword Liberty too loudly.\\nA strange smile played upon their lips at this sad\\nsight but other haranguers, mounting the tribune^\\nbegan to calculate publicly what ambition cost and that\\nglory was very dear they pointed out the horror of war\\nand spoke of the hecatombs as butcheries. And they\\nspoke so much and so long that all human illusions, like\\ntrees in autumn, fell leaf by leaf around them, and that\\nthose who listened to them passed their hands over their\\nforeheads like the fever-stricken when waking up.\\nSome said What caused the Emperor\u00e2\u0080\u0099s fall was\\nthat the people wanted no more of him; others: \u00e2\u0080\u009cThe\\npeople wanted the king; no, liberty; no, reason; no,\\nreligion no, the English constitution no, absolutism;\\na last added No, nothing of all that, but rest.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThree elements, then, shared the life that was at that\\ntime presented to the young behind them, a past for-\\never destroyed, still quivering on its ruins, with all the\\nfossils of the ages of absolutism before them, the dawn\\nof an immense horizon, the first rays of the future\\nand between these two worlds something like the\\nocean that separates the old continent from young\\nAmerica, something indescribably vague and wavering,\\na rolling sea full of wrecks, traversed from time to time\\nby some distant white sail or by some ship puffing a", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0031.jp2"}, "30": {"fulltext": "14\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nheavy vapor the present age, in a word, which sepa-\\nrates the past from the future, which is neither the one\\nnor the other, and which resembles both at the same\\ntime, and in which one knows not, at each step that one\\ntakes, whether one is walking on a seedling or on a ruin.\\nSuch was the chaos in which one had then to\\nchoose; that it was that presented itself to children\\nfull of strength and daring, to the sons of the Empire\\nand to the grandsons of the Revolution.\\nNow, of the past they wanted no more, for faith in\\nnothing is assured the future they loved, but how\\nas Pygmalion did Galatea it was to them as a marble\\nlover, and they waited for her to become animated, for\\nthe blood to color her veins.\\nThere remained to them, then, the present, the spirit\\nof the age, an angel of the twilight that is neither night\\nnor day they found it seated on a lime-sack filled with\\nbones, enclosed in the mantle of the egoists, and shiver-\\ning from a terrible cold. The anguish of death entered\\ntheir soul at the sight of this spectre half mummy, half\\nfoetus they approached it like the traveler to whom one\\nshows at Strasburg the daughter of an old Comte de\\nSarvenden, embalmed in her bridal decking that\\ninfantile skeleton makes one shudder, for its spare and\\nlivid hands wear the betrothal ring, and its head falls\\nin dust amid orange blossoms.\\nAs on the approach of a storm there passes through the\\nforest a terrible wind that makes all the trees shudder,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0032.jp2"}, "31": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n15\\nto which succeeds a deep silence so Napoleon had\\nshaken everything as he passed over the world kings\\nhad felt their crowns vacillating, and, raising their\\nhands to their heads, found only their hair, erect from\\nfright. The Pope had journeyed three hundred leagues\\nto bless him in God\u00e2\u0080\u0099s name and to place his diadem on\\nhim but Napoleon had taken it from his hands. Thus\\neverything had trembled in that dismal forest of old\\nEurope then silence had succeeded.\\nIt is said that when one meets a mad dog, if one has\\nthe courage to w r alk gravely, without turning back, and\\nin a steady manner, the dog is satisfied with following\\nyou for a certain time growling between his teeth;\\nwhile, if one allows a sign of terror to escape, if one\\nwalks too quickly, he throws himself on one and\\ndevours one; for, once the first bite is made, there is\\nno way of escaping him.\\nNow, in the history of Europe it has often happened\\nthat a sovereign has shown this sign of terror and that\\nhis people have devoured him; but, if one had done\\nso, all had not done it at the same time, that is, a\\nking had disappeared, but not the royal majesty. In\\nthe presence of Napoleon the royal majesty had made\\nthat gesture which loses all, not only majesty, but re-\\nligion, nobility, every divine and human power.\\nNapoleon being dead, the divine and human powers\\nwere indeed restored in fact; but belief in them no\\nlonger existed. There is a terrible danger in knowing", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0033.jp2"}, "32": {"fulltext": "i6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwhat is possible, for the mind is ever advancing farther.\\nIt is one thing to say That might be,\u00e2\u0080\u009d and another\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cThis has been,\u00e2\u0080\u009d which is the first bite by the dog.\\nNapoleon, the despot, was the last glimmer of the\\nlamp of despotism he destroyed and parodied kings,\\nas Voltaire had done the sacred books. And after him\\na great noise was heard it was the rock of St. Helena\\nthat had just fallen on the old world. At once appeared\\nin the heavens the glacial star of reason, and its rays, like\\nto those of the cold goddess of night, shedding light\\nwithout heat, enveloped the world in a livid shroud.\\nHitherto, indeed, people had been seen who hated\\nnobles, who declaimed against priests, who conspired\\nagainst kings; people had indeed raised an outcry\\nagainst abuses and prejudices but it was a great novelty\\nto see the people smiling at it. If a noble, or a priest,\\nor a sovereign passed, the peasants who had made war\\nbegan to toss the head and say: \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh we have seen that\\nman in due time and place he had a different look.\\nAnd when one spoke of the throne and of the altar,\\nthey replied: \u00e2\u0080\u009cThey are four wooden staves; we have\\nnailed and unnailed them.\u00e2\u0080\u009d And when one said to\\nthem: \u00e2\u0080\u009cPeople, you have returned from the errors\\nthat had led you astray you have called for your kings\\nand your priests, they replied \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt was not we, it was\\nthose babblers.\u00e2\u0080\u009d And when one said to them Peo-\\nple, forget the past, work and obey,\u00e2\u0080\u009d they settled them-\\nselves again on their seats, and a dull clatter was heard.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0034.jp2"}, "33": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n17\\nIt was a rusty and notched sword that had moved in a\\ncorner of the cabin. Then they immediately added:\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cBe at rest, at least; if they do not injure you, do\\nnot try to inflict injury.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Alas! they were satisfied\\nwith that.\\nBut the youth were not satisfied with this. Certain it\\nis that there are in man two occult powers that fight to\\nthe death the one, clear-sighted and cold, attaches\\nitself to the reality, calculates it, weighs it, and judges\\nthe past the other is thirsty for the future and launches\\ninto the unknown. When passion carries man away,\\nreason follows him weeping and warning him of the\\ndanger but as soon as man has stopped at the voice of\\nreason, as soon as he has said to himself True, I am\\na fool, whither am I going passion cries out to him\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd as for me, I, then, am going to die?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nA feeling of inexpressible unrest then began to fer-\\nment in all young hearts. Condemned to repose by the\\nsovereigns of the world, given up to vulgar pedantries\\nof all sorts, to laziness and to lassitude, young men saw\\nreceding from them the foaming billows against which\\nthey had prepared their arms. All these oil-rubbed\\ngladiators felt an unbearable wretchedness in the depths\\nof their souls. The richest became libertines those of\\nmoderate fortune adopted a calling, and resigned them-\\nselves either to the gown or to the sword the poorest\\nheedlessly rushed into enthusiasm, into tall talk, into\\nthe frightful sea of aimless action. As human weakness", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0035.jp2"}, "34": {"fulltext": "i8\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nseeks association and as men are gregarious by nature,\\npolitics became mixed up with them. People went to\\nfight with the body-guards on the steps of the legisla-\\ntive chamber, people rushed to the theatrical perform-\\nance in which Talma wore a wig that made him look\\nlike Caesar, people crowded to the burial of a Liberal\\ndeputy. But of the members of both opposing parties\\nthere was not one who, on returning home, did not\\nbitterly feel the void of his existence and the poverty\\nof his hands.\\nJust at the time when public life was so colorless and\\nso mean, the private life of society took on a sombre\\nand silent aspect the most rigid hypocrisy reigned in\\nmorals; English ideas being added to devotion, even\\ngaiety had disappeared. Perhaps it was Providence\\nthat was already preparing its new ways, perhaps it was\\nthe courier-angel of future conditions of society who\\nwas already sowing in the hearts of women the germs\\nof the human independence that they will one day\\nclaim. But it is certain that suddenly, a thing unheard\\nof, in the Paris salons, the men pass down one side and\\nthe women the other and thus, the one clad in white\\nlike brides, the others in black like orphans, they began\\nto gauge each other with their eyes.\\nLet no one be mistaken about it this black dress\\nworn by the men of our time is a terrible symbol to\\nget to that it was necessary for armor to fall piece by\\npiece and embroidery flower by flower. It is human", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0036.jp2"}, "35": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n*9\\nreason that has overthrown all illusions; but it wears\\nmourning itself, in order that it may be consoled.\\nThe manners of students and artists, those manners so\\nfree, so fine, so full of youth, felt the universal change.\\nMen, by separating from women, had whispered a word\\nthat mortally wounds, contempt. They had flung\\nthemselves into wine and into the society of courtesans.\\nStudents and artists also flung themselves therein love\\nwas treated like glory and religion it was an old illm\\nsion. People went, then, to places of ill-repute; the\\ngrisette, that class so dreamy, so romantic, and of a\\nlove so tender and so sweet, saw herself abandoned\\nto the shop counters. She was poor, and she was no\\nlonger loved; she wanted to have dresses and hats,\\nshe sold herself. O misery the young man who\\nshould have loved her, whom she would have loved\\nherself; he who formerly brought her to the woods\\nof Verrieres and of Romainville, to dances on the\\ngrass, to suppers under the leafy shade; he who came\\nto chat at evening under the lamp, at the farther\\nend of the shop, during the long winter evening\\nvigils; he who shared with her her morsel of bread\\nsteeped in the sweat of her brow, and her sublime\\nand poor love; he, that same man, after having for-\\nsaken her, found her again some evening on an orgie\\nin the inner recesses of a brothel, pale and dull, for-\\never lost, with hunger on her lips and prostitution in\\nher heart", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0037.jp2"}, "36": {"fulltext": "20\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nNow, about that time two poets, the two finest gen-\\niuses of the age following that of Napoleon, had just\\ndevoted their lives to collecting all the elements of\\nanguish and sorrow scattered through the universe.\\nGoethe, the patriarch of a new literature, after having\\ndepicted in Werther the passion that leads to suicide,\\nhad traced in his Faust the darkest human figure that\\never represented evil and misfortune. His writings\\nthen began to pass from Germany into France. From\\nthe seclusion of his study, surrounded by paintings and\\nstatues, rich, happy, and peaceful, he looked on with a\\npaternal smile at his work of darkness coming to us.\\nByron answered him with an exclamation of sorrow\\nthat made Greece bound, and suspended Manfred over\\nthe abyss, as if nothingness had been the solution of\\nthe hideous riddle that enveloped him.\\nPardon me, O great poets, who are now but mere\\nashes resting underground pardon me you are demi-\\ngods, and I am only a suffering child. But in writing\\nall this, I cannot help cursing you. Why did you not\\nsing the perfume of the flowers, the voices of nature,\\nhope, and love, the vine and the sun, azure and beauty\\nNo doubt you were acquainted with life, and no doubt\\nyou had suffered, and the world crumbled around you,\\nand you wept over its ruins, and you despaired and\\nyour mistresses had betrayed, and your friends calumni-\\nated, and your fellow-countrymen slighted you and you\\nhad a void in your heart, death in your eyes, and you", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0038.jp2"}, "37": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n21\\nwere of the colossi of sorrow. But tell me, you, noble\\nGoethe, was there no more consoling voice in the relig-\\nious murmur of your old German forests? You to\\nwhom beautiful poesy was the sister of science, could\\nthese not of their two selves find in immortal nature a\\nplant salutary to the heart of their favorite? You who\\nwere a pantheist, an antique poet of Greece, a lover of\\nsacred forms, could you not put a little honey in those\\nfine vases that you knew how to make, you who had\\nonly to smile and to let the bees come upon your lips\\nAnd you, and you, Byron, did you not have near Ra-\\nvenna, under your Italian orange-trees, under your\\nbeautiful Venetian sky, near your dear Adriatic, did\\nyou not have your dearly beloved? O God, I who\\nspeak to you, and who am only a weak child, I have\\nperhaps known evils that you have not suffered, and\\nyet I believe in hope, and yet I bless God.\\nWhen English and German ideas thus passed over\\nour heads, it was as a gloomy and silent disgust, followed\\nby a terrible convulsion. For to formulate general ideas\\nis to change saltpetre into gunpowder, and the Homeric\\nbrain of the great Goethe had sucked, alembic-like, all\\nthe juices from the forbidden fruit. Those who did not\\nread him, then believed that they knew nothing. Poor\\ncreatures the explosion carried them away like grains\\nof dust into the abyss of universal doubt.\\nIt was like a denying of all things of heaven and of\\nearth, which one may call disenchantment, or, if one", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0039.jp2"}, "38": {"fulltext": "22\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwish, despair; as if humanity in lethargy had been\\nthought dead by those who tried its pulse. Just like\\nthat soldier of whom one asked of old: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIn what do\\nyou believe and who first answered: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIn myself;\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nso the youth of France, hearing this question, first\\nreplied: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIn nothing.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nFrom that time there were formed, as it were, two\\ncamps on the one side exalted, suffering minds, all the\\nexpansive souls that need the infinite, bent their heads\\nweeping; they enveloped themselves in sickly dreams,\\nand one no longer saw but frail reeds on an ocean of\\nbitterness. On the other side the men of flesh remained\\nerect, inflexible, amid positive enjoyments, and they\\ntook no other care than to count the money that they\\nhad. It was only a sob and a burst of laughter, the one\\ncoming from the soul, the other from the body.\\nThis, then, is what the soul said\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAlas! alas! religion is going; the clouds of heaven\\nfall in rain we no longer have either hope or expecta-\\ntion, not even two little bits of black wood in the form\\nof a cross before which to extend our hands. The star\\nof the future is hardly rising it cannot pass the hori-\\nzon it remains enveloped in clouds, and, like the sun\\nin winter, its disk there appears of a blood-red, which it\\nhas kept since \u00e2\u0080\u009993. There is no more love, there is no\\nmore glory. What a thick night on the earth And\\nwe shall be dead when day shall break.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThis, then, is what the body said", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0040.jp2"}, "39": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n23\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMan is here below to make use of his senses; he\\nhas more or fewer pieces of white metal, with which\\nhe is entitled to more or less esteem. To eat, to drink,\\nand to sleep, is to live As for the bonds that exist be-\\ntween men, friendship consists in loaning money but it\\nis rare to have a friend whom one can love enough for\\nthat. Relationship serves for inheritances; love is an\\nexercise of the body the only intellectual enjoyment is\\nvanity.\\nLike to the Asiatic plague exhaled from the vapors of\\nthe Ganges, terrible despair was stalking over the earth\\nwith giant strides. Already Chateaubriand, a prince of\\npoesy, enveloping the horrible idol with his pilgrim\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\ncloak, had placed it on a marble altar, amid the per-\\nfumes of the sacred censers. Already, full of a hence-\\nforth useless strength, the children of the age were\\nstiffening their lazy hands and were drinking the pois-\\noned brewing from their sterile cup. Everything was\\nalready spoiling, when the jackals emerged from earth.\\nA cadaverous and infected literature, which had only\\nform, but a hideous form, began to bedew all the mon-\\nsters of nature with a fetid blood.\\nWho will ever dare to relate what took place then in\\nthe colleges? Men doubted everything: young men\\ndenied everything. Poets sang despair: young men\\nleft the schools with the brow serene, the visage fresh\\nand ruddy, and blasphemy in their mouths. Moreover,\\nthe French character, by nature gay and open, still", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0041.jp2"}, "40": {"fulltext": "24\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\npredominating, the brains were easily filled with English\\nand German ideas but the hearts, too light to struggle\\nand to suffer, withered like broken flowers. Thus the\\nprinciple of death descended coldly and without shock\\nfrom the head to the entrails. Instead of possessing\\nthe enthusiasm of evil, we had only the abnegation\\nof good; instead of despair, insensibility. Children\\nof fifteen, seated carelessly under flowering shrubs,\\nfor pastime carried on conversations that would have\\nmade the insensible groves of Versailles shudder with\\nhorror. The communion of Christ, the Host, that\\neternal symbol of celestial love, served to seal letters;\\nchildren spat out God\u00e2\u0080\u0099s bread.\\nHappy they who escaped those times Happy they\\nwho passed over the abyss gazing on Heaven There\\nwere some of them, no doubt, and they will pity us.\\nIt is unfortunately true that there is in blasphemy\\na great loss of force which comforts the heart that is\\ntoo full. When an atheist, taking out his watch, gave\\na quarter of an hour to God to thunder against Him,\\nit is certain that it was a quarter of an hour\u00e2\u0080\u0099s wrath\\nand atrocious enjoyment that he took to himself. It\\nwas the paroxysm of despair, a nameless appeal to\\nall the celestial powers; it was a poor and miserable\\ncreature turning on the foot that is crushing him;\\nit was a loud cry of pain. And who knows? in the\\neyes of Him who sees everything it was perhaps a\\nprayer.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0042.jp2"}, "41": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n25\\nThus young men found a use for inactive force in a\\nliking for despair. Mocking glory, religion, love, every-\\nthing in the world, is a great consolation to those who\\nknow not what to do in that they ridicule themselves\\nand justify themselves while repeating the lesson. And\\nthen it is sweet to believe one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s self unhappy, when one\\nis only exhausted and tired. Debauchery, besides, the\\nfirst conclusion from the principles of death, is a terrible\\nmillstone when it is a question of becoming enervated.\\nSo the rich said to themselves: \u00e2\u0080\u009cThere is nothing\\ntrue but riches, all the rest is a dream let us enjoy and\\ndie.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Those of moderate fortune said: \u00e2\u0080\u009cThere is\\nnothing true but forgetfulness, all the rest is a dream\\nlet us forget and die.\u00e2\u0080\u009d And the poor said \u00e2\u0080\u009cThere is\\nnothing true but misfortune, all the rest is a dream let\\nus blaspheme and die.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIs this too black is it exaggerated What do you\\nthink of it? Am I a misanthrope? Let me make a\\nreflection.\\nIn reading the history of the fall of the Roman Em-\\npire, it is impossible not to take notice of the evil that\\nthe Christians, so admirable in the desert, did to the\\nState as soon as they had the power. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhen,\u00e2\u0080\u009d says\\nMontesquieu, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI think of the profound ignorance into\\nwhich the Greek clergy plunged the laity, I cannot help\\ncomparing them to those Scythians of whom Herodotus\\nspeaks, who put out the eyes of their slaves, so that\\nnothing could distract them and keep them from their", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0043.jp2"}, "42": {"fulltext": "26\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwork. No affair of State, no peace, no war, no truce,\\nno negotiation, no marriage, was attended to except by\\nthe ministry of the monks. One would not believe\\nwhat evil resulted therefrom.\\nMontesquieu might have added Christianity de-\\nstroyed the emperors, but it saved the peoples. It\\nopened to the barbarians the palaces of Constantinople,\\nbut it opened the cabin doors to the consoling angels\\nof Christ. It was a question, indeed, of the great ones\\nof the earth and how interesting the final death-\\nrattles of an empire corrupted even to the very marrow\\nof its bones, the sombre galvanism by means of which\\ntyranny\u00e2\u0080\u0099s skeleton was still agitating over the tomb of\\nHeliogabalus and of Caracalla What a fine thing to\\npreserve was the mummy of Rome embalmed with the\\nperfumes of Nero, swathed with the shroud of Tiberius\\nIt was a question, ye men of politics, of going in search\\nof the poor and of telling them to be at ease it was a\\nquestion of letting worms and moles gnaw the monu-\\nments of shame, but yet of taking from the flanks of\\nthe mummy a virgin as beautiful as the Mother of the\\nRedeemer, Hope, the friend of the oppressed.\\nThat is what Christianity did and now, for so many\\nyears past, what have those done who have destroyed it\\nThey have seen that the poor have consented to be\\noppressed by the rich, the weak by the strong, for this\\nreason that they said to themselves: \u00e2\u0080\u009cThe rich and\\nthe strong will oppress me on earth; but when they", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0044.jp2"}, "43": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n27\\nwish to enter into Paradise, I will be at the gate and\\nI will accuse them before God\u00e2\u0080\u0099s tribunal.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Thus, alas\\nthey kept their patience.\\nChrist\u00e2\u0080\u0099s antagonists, then, have said to the poor\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou practise patience until the day of justice: there\\nis no justice; you await eternal life in order to claim\\nvengeance there there is no eternal life you amass\\nyour tears and those of your family, the cries of your\\nchildren and the sobs of your wife so as to carry them\\nto God\u00e2\u0080\u0099s feet in the hour of death there is no God.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThen it is certain that the poor dried their tears, that\\nthey told their wives to be silent, their children to come\\nwith them, and that they arrayed themselves on the\\nglebe with the strength of a bull. They said to the\\nrich \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou who oppress us are only a man and to\\nthe priest \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou who have consoled us have lied about\\nit.\u00e2\u0080\u009d That was exactly what Christ\u00e2\u0080\u0099s antagonists wanted.\\nPerhaps they believed they were thus bringing happi-\\nness to men, by sending the poor to the conquest of\\nliberty.\\nBut if the poor, having clearly understood for once\\nthat the priests are deceiving them, that the rich are\\nrobbing them, that all men have the same rights, that\\nall kinds of property are of this world, and that its\\nwretchedness is impious; if the poor man, believing in\\nhimself and his two arms as his entire creed, one fine\\nday said to himself: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWar on the rich mine also be\\nenjoyment here below, since there is none elsewhere", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0045.jp2"}, "44": {"fulltext": "28\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nmine be the earth, since heaven is void mine and\\neverybody\u00e2\u0080\u0099s, since all are equal O sublime reasoners\\nwho have led him to that, what will you say to him if\\nhe be vanquished\\nNo doubt you are philanthropists, no doubt you are\\nright as to the future, and the day will come when you\\nwill be blessed but not yet, in truth, can we bless you.\\nWhen of old the oppressor said Mine is the earth\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMine is heaven!\u00e2\u0080\u009d the oppressed answered. What\\nanswer will he give now\\nThe entire malady of the present age comes from two\\ncauses: the nation that has passed through \u00e2\u0080\u009993 and\\nthrough 1814 carries two wounds in its heart. All that\\nwas is no more all that will be is not yet. Look not\\nelsewhere for the secret of our evils.\\nTake a man whose house is falling to ruin he has\\ndemolished it to build a new one. The rubbish lies on\\nhis field, and he awaits new stones for his new edifice.\\nAt the moment when you see him ready to trim his\\nrough stones and to make his mortar, pick in hand,\\nsleeves rolled back, they come to tell him that the stones\\nare lacking, and to advise him to clean the old ones so\\nas to make use of them. What would you have him do,\\nhim who does not want ruins to make a nest for his\\nbrood? The quarry, however, is deep, the implements\\ntoo weak to take the stones out of it. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWait,\u00e2\u0080\u009d they\\ntell him, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthey will be taken out by degrees; hope,\\nwork, advance, recede.\u00e2\u0080\u009d What is he not told! And", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0046.jp2"}, "45": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n2 9\\nduring that time, that man, no longer having his old\\nhouse and not yet his new house, knows not how to\\nprotect himself against the rains nor how to prepare his\\nevening repast, nor where to work, nor where to rest,\\nnor where to live, nor where to die and his children\\nare new-born.\\nEither I am strangely deceived-; or we resemble that\\nman. O peoples of the future ages when, on a warm\\nsummer\u00e2\u0080\u0099s day, you will be bent over your ploughs in\\nthe green fields of the fatherland when, under a pure\\nand spotless sun, you will see the earth, your fruitful\\nmother, smile in her morning gown at the workman, her\\nwell-beloved child when, wiping from your tranquil\\nbrows the holy baptism of perspiration, you will direct\\nyour gaze on your immense horizon, where there will\\nbe no stalk higher than another in the human harvest,\\nbut only bluebottles and daisies amid the ripening\\nwheat O free men when then you will thank God\\nfor having been born for this harvest, think of us who\\nwill have passed, say that we have bought very dearly\\nthe rest that you will enjoy; pity us more than all\\nyour fathers for we have many evils that made them\\nworthy of compassion, and we have lost that which\\nconsoled them.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0047.jp2"}, "46": {"fulltext": "30\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nIII\\nI have to relate on what occasion I was first seized\\nwith the malady of the times.\\nI was at table, at a great supper, after a masquerade.\\nAround me, my friends in rich costumes on all sides,\\nyoung men and women, all sparkling with beauty and\\njoy to right and to left, rich viands, flasks, lustres,\\nflowers over my head, a clamorous orchestra, and in\\nfront of me, my mistress, a superb creature whom I\\nidolized.\\nI was then nineteen I had experienced no misfor-\\ntune or malady I was of a character at the same time\\nhaughty and candid, with every hope and an overflow-\\ning heart. The vapors of wine were fermenting in my\\nveins it was one of those moments of intoxication when\\nall that one sees, all that one hears, speaks to one of the\\nwell -beloved. All nature then seemed as a precious\\nstone of a thousand facets, on which the mysterious\\nname is engraved. One would willingly embrace all\\nthose whom one sees smile, and one feels one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s self the\\nbrother of all that exists. My mistress had made an\\nappointment with me for the night, and I was slowly\\ncarrying my glass to my lips while looking at her.\\nAs I was turning round to get a plate, my fork fell.\\nI stooped to pick it up, and not finding it at first, I", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0048.jp2"}, "47": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n31\\nraised the table-cloth to see where it had rolled. Un-\\nder the table I then perceived my mistress\u00e2\u0080\u0099s foot, placed\\non that of a young man seated at her side their legs\\nwere crossed and interlaced, and they pressed them\\ngently from time to time.\\nI raised myself, perfectly calm, asked for another fork,\\nand continued the supper. My mistress and her neigh-\\nbor were, on their part, very quiet also, hardly speak-\\ning and not looking at each other. The young man\\nhad his elbows on the table, and was indulging in\\npleasantry with another woman, who was showing him\\nher collar and her bracelets. My mistress was unmoved,\\nher eyes fixed and steeped in languor. I kept looking\\nat both of them as long as the repast lasted, and I saw\\nneither in their gestures nor on their countenances any-\\nthing that could betray them. At the end, when we\\nwere at dessert, I made my napkin glide to the floor,\\nand, having stooped anew, I found them again in the\\nsame position, closely linked to each other.\\nI had promised my mistress to escort her home that\\nevening. She was a widow, and consequently quite\\nfree, because of an old relative who accompanied her\\nand served her as chaperon. As I was crossing the\\nperistyle, she called me. \u00e2\u0080\u009cCome, Octave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said to\\nme, \u00e2\u0080\u009clet us go, here I am.\u00e2\u0080\u009d I began to laugh, and\\nleft without answering. After going a few steps, I sat\\ndown on a ledge. I know not of what I was thinking\\nI was as if besotted and become an idiot by reason of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0049.jp2"}, "48": {"fulltext": "3 2\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthe infidelity of that woman of whom I had never been\\njealous and about whom I had never entertained a sus-\\npicion. What I had just seen left no doubt in me, I\\nremained as if stunned ty a blow from a club, and re-\\ncall nothing of what took place in me during the time\\nthat I remained on that ledge, except that, looking\\nmechanically at the sky and seeing a star shoot, I\\nsaluted that fugitive glimmer, in which poets see a\\nworld destroyed, and gravely took off my hat to it.\\nI returned home quite tranquilly, experiencing noth-\\ning, feeling nothing, and as if deprived of reflection. I\\nbegan to undress, and went to bed but scarcely had I\\nlaid my head on the pillow, when the spirit of vengeance\\nseized me with such force that I fixed myself suddenly\\nagainst the wall, as if all the muscles of my body had\\nbecome wood. I got out of my bed crying, my arms\\nextended, able to walk only on my heels, so cramped\\nwere the nerves of my toes. Thus I passed nearly an\\nhour, completely mad, and as stiff as a skeleton. It\\nwas the first attack of wrath that I experienced.\\nThe man whom I had taken by surprise with my mis-\\ntress was one of my most intimate friends. I went to\\nhis house next day, accompanied by a young lawyer\\nnamed Desgenais we took pistols, another witness, and\\nwent to the Bois de Vincennes. During the entire\\njourney I avoided speaking to my adversary or even\\napproaching him I thus resisted the desire that I had\\nto strike him or insult him, violence of such sort being", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0050.jp2"}, "49": {"fulltext": "$3 art ,-fFirst E1)aptcr\\nwas at table at a great supper after a masquerade\\nAround me wy friends in rich costumes on all sides\\nyoung men and women, all sparkling with beauty and\\njoy to right and to left, rich viands, flasks, lustres,\\nflowers over my head a clamorous orchestra, and in front\\nof me, my mistress, a superb creature whom I idolized.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0051.jp2"}, "50": {"fulltext": "a a \\\\a isms\\nWa \u00c2\u00abc fort s\u00c2\u00ab iVifortX.Mw ,^w \\\\*\u00c2\u00abwortK\\nbwa h^h A fows $Rs\\\\ *a^ Wfc was Wr itsw\\n,i^n\u00c2\u00bb$vs fort Wa \\\\fojrt o\\\\ \\\\M^\\\\.\\n\\\\$w^m ^ko t\\\\i^foto ivsortQswsfo a mw wsq vrtvssoXv.\\nJta sV s ytv$\\\\sm^ fttatyoi a ,n^m mw ,^ws", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0052.jp2"}, "51": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0053.jp2"}, "52": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0054.jp2"}, "53": {"fulltext": "V", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0057.jp2"}, "54": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0058.jp2"}, "55": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n33\\nalways hideous or useless, from the moment that the law\\ntolerates the combat in regular form. But I could not\\nhelp keeping my eyes fixed on him. He was one of my\\nchildhood\u00e2\u0080\u0099s comrades, and there had been between us\\na perpetual exchange of services for many years past.\\nHe was perfectly well aware of my love for my mistress,\\nand had even on several occasions given me clearly to\\nunderstand that bonds of this sort were sacred to a\\nfriend, and that he would be incapable of seeking to\\nsupplant me, even should he love the same woman as\\nI did. In fine, I had the fullest confidence in him,\\nand I had never perhaps pressed the hand of a human\\ncreature more cordially than his.\\nI looked curiously, eagerly, at that man whom I had\\nheard speak of friendship like a hero of antiquity, and\\nwhom I had just seen caressing my mistress. It was the\\nfirst time in my life that I saw a monster I measured\\nhim with a haggard eye to observe how he was made.\\nHim whom I had known at the age of ten, with whom\\nI had lived day by day in most perfect and closest\\nfriendship, it seemed to me that I had never seen him.\\nHere I will make use of a comparison.\\nThere is a Spanish play, known to everybody, in which\\na stone statue comes to sup with a debauchee, sent by\\ncelestial justice. The debauchee affects good behavior\\nand strives to seem indifferent but the statue demands\\nhis hand, and, as soon as he has given it, the man feels\\nseized with a mortal chill and falls in convulsions.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0059.jp2"}, "56": {"fulltext": "34\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nNow, every time that, during my life, it has happened\\nto me to have believed confidently for a long time,\\neither in a friend or in a mistress, and to discover all of\\na sudden that I was deceived, I have been able to de-\\nscribe the effect that this discovery produced on me\\nonly by comparing it with the handshaking of the\\nstatue. It is verily the impression of marble, as if the\\nreality, in all its mortal coldness, froze me with a kiss\\nit is the touch of the man of stone. Alas the terrible\\nguest has knocked more than once at my door; more\\nthan once have we supped together.\\nYet, the arrangements made, my adversary and my-\\nself put ourselves in line, advancing slowly toward each\\nother. He fired first and wounded me in the right arm.\\nI at once took my pistol in my other hand but I could\\nnot raise it, strength failing me, and I fell on one knee.\\nThen I saw my enemy advancing precipitately, with a\\ndisturbed air and a very pale countenance. My seconds\\nran at the same time, seeing that I was wounded but\\nhe brushed them aside and took the hand of my maimed\\narm. He had his teeth clenched and could not speak\\nI saw his anguish. He was suffering from the most\\nfrightful evil that man can feel. Go away I called\\nto him, and dry yourself on the skirts of He\\nwas suffocating, and so was I.\\nThey put me in a hackney coach, where I found a\\nphysician. The wound was discovered not to be dan-\\ngerous, as the ball had not touched the bone but I was", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0060.jp2"}, "57": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n35\\nin such a state of excitement that it was impossible to\\nsoothe me on the spot. Just as the hack was starting,\\nI saw a trembling hand at the door it was my adver-\\nsary again returning. I shook my head as my only\\nresponse; I was in such a rage that in vain would I\\nhave made an effort to pardon him, though I felt satis-\\nfied that his repentance was sincere.\\nHaving arrived home, the blood that was flowing\\nfrom my arm soothed me considerably; for weakness\\ndelivered me of my wrath, which did me more harm\\nthan my wound. I lay down with delight, and I be-\\nlieve that I have never drunk anything more enjoyable\\nthan the first glass of water that they gave me.\\nHaving taken to my bed, fever seized me. It was\\nthen that I began to shed tears. What I could not con-\\nceive was not that my mistress had ceased to love me,\\nbut it was that she had deceived me. I did not under-\\nstand by what reason a woman, who is compelled neither\\nby duty nor by interest, could lie to one man when she\\nis loving another. Twenty times a day did I ask Des-\\ngenais how that was possible. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf I were her hus-\\nband,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cor if I were paying her, I could con-\\nceive that she would deceive me; but why, if she no\\nlonger loved me, not tell me so why deceive me I\\ndid not conceive that one could lie in love I was a\\nchild then, and I confess that I do not understand\\nit yet. Every time that I have fallen in love with a\\nwoman I have told her so, and every time that I have", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0061.jp2"}, "58": {"fulltext": "36 THE CONFESSION OF A\\nceased to love a woman I have told her so likewise,\\nwith the same sincerity, having always thought that, in\\nmatters of this sort, we can do nothing by our will, and\\nthat there is no crime except in lying.\\nTo everything that I said, Desgenais replied \u00e2\u0080\u009cShe is\\na wretch; promise me that you will not see her again.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI swore it to him solemnly. He advised me, besides,\\nnot to write to her, even to reproach her, and, if she\\nwrote to me, not to answer. I promised him all that,\\nalmost astonished that he asked me, and indignant that\\nhe could suppose the contrary.\\nYet the first thing that I did, as soon as I was able to\\nget up and leave my room, was to rush to my mistress.\\nI found her alone, seated on a chair in a corner of her\\nroom, with downcast countenance and in the greatest\\ndisorder. I overwhelmed her with the most violent\\nreproaches; I was intoxicated with despair. I cried\\nloud enough to make the whole house resound, and at\\nthe same time my tears so violently interrupted my\\nwords that I fell on the bed to give them free vent.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAh! faithless one! ah! wretch!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her,\\nweeping, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou know that I shall die of it, does that\\ngive you pleasure what have I done to you\\nShe threw herself on my neck, told me that she had\\nbeen enticed, led away that my rival had intoxicated\\nher at that fatal supper, but that she had never been his\\nthat she had given herself up in a moment of forgetful-\\nness that she had committed a fault, but not a crime", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0062.jp2"}, "59": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n37\\nin short, that she saw clearly all the evil that she had\\ndone to me but that, if I did not pardon her, she also\\nwould die of it. All the tears that sincere repentance\\nhas, all the eloquence possessed by grief, she exhausted\\nto console me pale and distracted, her dress open, her\\nhair flowing over her shoulders, on her knees in the\\nmiddle of the room, never had I seen her so beautiful,\\nand I shuddered with horror whilst all my feelings were\\naroused at that spectacle.\\nI left there broken, no longer able to see and hardly\\nable to hold myself up. I wanted never to see her\\nagain; but, after a quarter of an hour I returned. I\\nknow not what desperate strength drove me thither I\\nhad, as it were, a dull desire to possess her once more, to\\ndrink from her magnificent body all those bitter tears,\\nand to kill both of us after. In fine, I abhorred her\\nand I idolized her I felt that her love was my destruc-\\ntion, but that to live without her was impossible. I\\nwent up to her apartments like a flash of lightning I\\ndid not speak to any domestic, I entered direct, know-\\ning the house, and I pushed open the door of her room.\\nI found her seated before her toilet, motionless and\\ncovered with precious stones. Her chambermaid was\\ndressing her hair she held in her hand a piece of red\\ncrape which she was passing lightly over her cheeks. I\\nthought I was in a dream it seemed to me impossible\\nthat there was that same woman whom I had just seen,\\na quarter of an hour ago, bathed in grief and stretched", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0063.jp2"}, "60": {"fulltext": "38\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\non the floor I remained like a statue. She, hearing\\nher door open, turned her head, smiling Is it you\\nshe said. She was going to the ball, and was awaiting\\nmy rival, who was to escort her thither. She recog-\\nnized me, pressed her lips together, and knit her brow.\\nI took a step as if to leave. I looked at the nape of\\nher slender neck, sleek and perfumed, where her hair\\nwas knotted, and on which sparkled a diamond comb\\nthat nape, the seat of the vital force, was blacker than\\nhell two shining tresses were knotted there, and slight\\nstalks of silver were balanced above. Her shoulders\\nand her neck, whiter than milk, relieved the erect and\\nluxuriant down. There was in that uplifted hair a\\nsomething indescribably beautiful, yet immodest, that\\nseemed to taunt me with the disorder in which I had\\nseen her an instant before. I advanced all of a sudden\\nand struck that nape with the back of my clenched\\nhand. My mistress did not utter a cry she fell on her\\nhands, after which I left precipitately.\\nHaving returned home, the fever again seized me\\nwith such violence that I was obliged to go back to bed.\\nMy wound was opened afresh, and I suffered much from\\nit. Desgenais came to see me I related to him all that\\nhad happened. He listened to me in deep silence, then\\nwalked for some time through the room like a man with-\\nout resolve. At last he stopped in front of me and burst\\ninto a fit of laughter: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIs she your first mistress?\u00e2\u0080\u009d he\\nsaid to me. \u00e2\u0080\u009cNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him, \u00e2\u0080\u009cshe is the last.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0064.jp2"}, "61": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n39\\nToward the middle of the night, as I was sleeping a\\nrestless sleep, I seemed in a dream to hear a deep sigh.\\nI opened my eyes and saw my mistress standing near\\nmy bed, her arms crossed, like a spectre. I was unable\\nto restrain a cry of terror, believing in an apparition\\nemanating from my sick brain. I threw myself out of\\nbed and fled to the other end of the room but she\\ncame to me: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt is I,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said; and, seizing me\\nround the waist, she drew me to her. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat do you\\nwant of me I exclaimed release me I am capa-\\nble of killing you on the spot\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell, kill me!\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said. \u00e2\u0080\u009cI have betrayed you,\\nI have lied to you, I am a wretch and miserable but I\\nlove you, and I cannot do without you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI looked at her how beautiful she was Her whole\\nbody shook; her eyes, lost in love, shed torrents of\\nlust; her throat was bare, her lips were burning. I\\ntook her up in my arms. \u00e2\u0080\u009cBe it so,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cbut before God who sees us, by my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s soul, I\\nswear to you that I will kill you on the spot and myself\\nalso.\u00e2\u0080\u009d I took up a table-knife that was on my mantel-\\npiece and put it under the pillow.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cCome; Octave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said to me smiling and em-\\nbracing me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cdo nothing foolish. Come, my boy; all\\nthese horrors make you sick you are feverish. Give\\nme that knife.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI saw that she wanted to take it. Listen to me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nthen said to her; I know not who you are and what", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0065.jp2"}, "62": {"fulltext": "40\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ncomedy you are playing but, as for me, I do not play\\nit. I have loved you as much as a man can love on\\nearth, and, to my misfortune and my death, know that\\nI still love you to distraction. You come to tell me\\nthat you love me also I am gratified but, by all that\\nis sacred in the world, if I am your lover to-night,\\nanother will not be so to-morrow. Before God, before\\nGod,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I repeated, I will not take you back as mistress,\\nfor I hate you as much as I love you. Before God, if\\nyou want me, I will kill you to-morrow morning. By\\nspeaking thus I threw myself into a complete delirium.\\nShe cast her cloak around her shoulders and, running\\naway, left me.\\nWhen Desgenais knew this history, he said to me\\nWhy did you not want her? you are very fastidious;\\nshe. is a pretty woman.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAre you joking?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him. Do you think\\nthat such a woman could be my mistress do you think\\nthat I would ever consent to share with another man\\ndo you consider that she herself acknowledges that\\nanother possesses her, and would you have me forget\\nthat I love her, in order to possess her also If such\\nare your loves, you excite my pity.\\nDesgenais replied that he loved only the girls, and\\nthat he did not examine so closely. \u00e2\u0080\u009cMy dear Oc-\\ntave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he added, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou are very young; you would like\\nto have quite a number of things, fine things too, but\\nsuch as do not exist. You believe in a singular sort of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0066.jp2"}, "63": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n41\\nlove perhaps you are capable of it I believe so, but\\ndo not wish it for you. You will have other mistresses,\\nmy friend, and you will regret some future day what\\nhappened to you this night. When this woman came\\nto see you, it is certain that she loved you; she does\\nnot love you perhaps at the present moment, she is\\nperhaps in another\u00e2\u0080\u0099s arms; but she loved you that night\\nin this room; and of what importance is the rest to\\nyou? You had a fine night there, and you will regret\\nit, be sure of that, for she will not come back again.\\nA woman pardons everything, except that one does\\nnot want her. It must have been that her love for\\nyou was terrible, for her to come to see you, knowing\\nand avowing herself guilty, perhaps suspecting that she\\nwould be refused. Believe me, you will regret such a\\nnight, for I tell you that you will hardly have another\\nsuch.\\nThere was in all that Desgenais said, an air of con-\\nviction so simple and so profound, so despairing a tran-\\nquillity of experience, that I shuddered as I listened to\\nhim. Whilst he was speaking, I felt a violent tempta-\\ntion to go again to my mistress\u00e2\u0080\u0099s, or to write to her to\\nget her to come. I was unable to rise that saved me\\nfrom the shame of exposing myself anew to finding her\\neither waiting for my rival or closeted with him. But I\\nstill had the means of writing to her; I asked myself\\nin spite of myself, in case I should write to her, whether\\nshe would come.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0067.jp2"}, "64": {"fulltext": "42\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nWhen Desgenais had left, I felt so terrible an agita-\\ntion that I resolved to put an end to it, in some way or\\nother. After a terrible struggle, horror at last over-\\ncame love. I wrote to my mistress that I would never\\nsee her again, and that I entreated her not to come back\\nany more, if she did not want to expose herself to\\nbeing refused at my door. I rang violently, I ordered\\nthat my letter be taken in the greatest possible haste.\\nScarcely had my domestic shut the door when I called\\nhim back. He did not hear me; I dared not call him\\nback a second time and, putting both my hands over\\nmy face, I remained buried in the deepest despair.\\niv\\nNext day, at sunrise, the first thought that came to\\nme was to ask myself: What shall I do now?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI had no calling, no occupation. I had studied\\nmedicine and law, without being able to decide on\\nadopting either of these careers; I had worked six\\nmonths at a banker\u00e2\u0080\u0099s with such indifferent results that\\nI had been obliged to hand in my resignation so as\\nnot to be dismissed. I had made good, but superficial\\nstudies, having a memory that needs exercise, and that\\nforgets as easily as it learns.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0068.jp2"}, "65": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n43\\nMy only treasure, after love, was independence.\\nSince my adolescence I had devoted it to a fierce\\nworship, and I had, so to speak, consecrated it in my\\nheart. It was on a certain day that my father, think-\\ning already of my future, had spoken to me of several\\ncareers, one of which he desired me to choose. I was\\nresting on my elbow at my window, and I was looking\\nat a slender and solitary poplar that was swaying to and\\nfro in the garden. I was reflecting on all these differ-\\nent callings, and was deliberating about taking up one\\nof them. I puzzled my brains in considering them\\none by one after which, feeling no taste for either, I\\nallowed my thoughts to wander. It seemed to me all\\nof a sudden that I felt the earth move, and that the\\nsilent and invisible force that draws it through space\\nwas making itself felt to my senses; I saw it mount into\\nthe heavens it seemed to me that I was, as it were, on\\na ship the poplar that I had before my eyes appeared\\nto me like a mast of a vessel I arose, extending my\\narms and exclaimed: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt is indeed a small matter to\\nbe a passenger of a day on this ship floating in the\\nether it is quite a small matter to be a man, a black\\nspot on this ship I will be a man, but not a particular\\nkind of man!\\nSuch was the first vow that, at the age of fourteen, I\\nhad pronounced in the face of nature, and since that\\ntime I had tried nothing but in obedience to my father,\\nyet without ever being able to overcome my repugnance.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0069.jp2"}, "66": {"fulltext": "44\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI was free, then, not from sloth, but from will, loving,\\nmoreover, all that God has made and very little of what\\nhas been made by man. I had known of life only love,\\nof the world only my mistress, and did not want to\\nknow anything more of them. And so, having fallen\\nin love on leaving college, I had sincerely believed that\\nit was for my whole life, and every other thought had\\ndisappeared.\\nMy existence was sedentary. I passed the day with\\nmy mistress my great pleasure was to escort her to the\\ncountry during the fine days of summer and to lie down\\nnear her in the woods, on the grass or on the moss, the\\nspectacle of nature in its splendor having always been\\nto me the most powerful of aphrodisiacs. In winter, as\\nshe loved the world, we hunted up balls and masks, so\\nthat this leisurely life never ceased; and as I had\\nthought only of her so long as she had been faithful\\nto me, I found myself without a thought when she\\nhad betrayed me.\\nTo give an idea of the condition in which my mind\\nthen was, I cannot better compare it than to one of\\nthose apartments such as we see to-day, in which are\\nfound, gathered and confused, articles of furniture of all\\ntimes and of all countries. Our age has no forms. We\\nhave not impressed the seal of our time either on our\\nhouses, or on our gardens, or on anything whatever.\\nWe meet in the street people who have the beard cut as\\nin the time of Henri III., others who are shaven, others", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0070.jp2"}, "67": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n45\\nwho have the hair arranged like that of the portrait of\\nRaphael, others as of the time of Jesus Christ. And so\\nthe apartments of the rich are cabinets of curiosities\\nthe antique, the Gothic, the taste of the Renaissance,\\nthat of Louis XIII., everything is pellmell. In fine,\\nwe have of all the ages, except our own, a thing that\\nhas never been seen in any other period. Eclecticism is\\nour taste; we take all that we find, this for its beauty,\\nthat for its suitableness, such another thing for its anti-\\nquity, such another for its very ugliness; so that we\\nlive only in wreckage, as if the end of the world were\\nat hand.\\nSuch was my mind I had read a great deal besides,\\nI had learned to paint. I knew by heart a great num-\\nber of things, but nothing in order, so that I had my\\nhead at the same time empty and swollen, like a sponge.\\nI became a lover of all the poets one after the other;\\nbut, being of a very impressionable nature, the last\\ncomer had always the gift of disgusting me with the\\nrest. I had made of myself a great storehouse of ruins,\\nuntil at last, being no longer thirsty by force of drink-\\ning the novel and the unknown, I found myself a ruin.\\nYet on this ruin there was something good still\\nyoung: it was the hope of my heart, which was only\\nthat of a child.\\nThis hope, which nothing had tarnished or cor-\\nrupted, and which love had exalted to excess, had\\nsuddenly received a mortal wound. My mistress\u00e2\u0080\u0099s", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0071.jp2"}, "68": {"fulltext": "4 6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nperfidy had stricken it at the height of its flight, and,\\nwhen I thought of it, I felt in my soul something\\nthat faltered convulsively, like a wounded bird that\\nis in agony.\\nSociety, which does so much evil, resembles that\\nserpent of the Indies whose home is the leaf of a\\nplant which heals its bite; it almost always presents\\nthe remedy with the suffering that it has caused. A\\nman, for example, who has his existence regulated,\\nbusiness at rising, visits at such an hour, work at such\\nanother, lover at such another, may without danger lose\\nhis mistress. His occupations and his thoughts are like\\nthose impassive soldiers ranged in battle on one and the\\nsame line: a shot carries off one, the neighbors close\\nup, and he appears no more.\\nI had not that resource from the time that I was\\nalone nature, my beloved mother, seemed to me on\\nthe contrary more vast and more void than ever. If I\\nhad been able entirely to forget my mistress, I should\\nhave been saved. How many people who do not need\\nso much to heal them They are incapable of loving a\\nfaithless woman, and their conduct, in such a case, is\\nadmirable for its firmness. But is it thus that one loves\\nat nineteen, at the time when, not knowing anything in\\nthe world, desiring everything, the young man feels at\\none and the same time the germ of all the passions?\\nOf what does this age doubt? To right, to left, down\\nthere, on the horizon, everywhere, some voice calls", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0072.jp2"}, "69": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n47\\nhim. All is desire, all is reverie. There is no reality\\nthat holds when the heart is young; there is no oak\\nso knotty and so hard from which a dryad does not\\nemerge and, if one had a hundred arms, one would\\nnot fear to open them in the void; one has only to\\nclasp his mistress there, and the void is filled.\\nAs for me, I did not imagine that one did else than\\nlove and, when one spoke to me of another occu-\\npation, I made no answer. My passion for my mistress\\nhad been, as it were, savage, and my whole life felt\\nfrom it indescribably monkish and fierce. I want to\\ncite only one example. She had given me her portrait\\nin miniature on a medallion I wore it on my heart, a\\nthing done by many men but having one day found at\\na curiosity dealer\u00e2\u0080\u0099s an iron discipline, at the end of\\nwhich was a plate bristling with points, I had had the\\nmedallion attached to the plate and wore it thus. Those\\nnails, which entered my breast at each movement,\\ncaused me so strange a pleasure that I sometimes raised\\nmy hand to feel them more keenly. I know well that\\nit is folly; love commits many others.\\nSince that woman had betrayed me, I had removed\\nthe cruel medallion. I cannot say how sadly I detached\\nthe iron girdle from it, and what a sigh my heart heaved\\nwhen it found itself delivered from it! \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh! poor\\nscars,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou are, then, going to be\\neffaced Ah my wound, my dear wound, what balm\\nam I going to lay on you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0073.jp2"}, "70": {"fulltext": "4 8\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nIt was all very fine for me to hate that woman she\\nwas, so to say, in the blood of my veins I cursed her,\\nbut I dreamt of her. What was I to do with that what\\nwas I to do with a dream? what reason to give for\\nmemories of flesh and blood? Lady Macbeth, having\\nslain Duncan, says that the Ocean would not wash her\\nhands it would not have washed my scars. I said to\\nDesgenais: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat would you? when I fall asleep, her\\nhead is there on the pillow.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI had lived only in that woman to doubt her was to\\ndoubt everything to curse her, to deny everything to\\nlose her, to destroy everything. I did not go out any\\nmore the world appeared to me as a people of mon-\\nsters, of wild beasts and of crocodiles. To everything\\nthat people said to me to distract me I replied: \u00e2\u0080\u009cYes,\\nit is well said, and rest assured that I will do nothing\\nabout it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI betook myself to the window and I said to myself:\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cShe will come, I am sure of it; she is coming, she is\\nturning around the corner; I feel her approaching.\\nShe cannot live without me, any more than I without\\nher. What shall I say to her? what face shall I put\\non Thereupon her perfidies come back to me\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAh! may she not come! I exclaim to myself; \u00e2\u0080\u009clet\\nher not approach I am capable of killing her\\nSince my last letter I had not heard her spoken\\nof. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAt last, what is she doing?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cShe loves another? Let us also love another. Love", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0074.jp2"}, "71": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n49\\nwhom?\u00e2\u0080\u009d And, while seeking, I heard, as it were, a\\nvoice in the distance crying out: \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou, another be-\\nsides me Two beings who love each other, who em-\\nbrace each other, and who are not you and I Is it\\npossible Are you mad\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cDastard!\u00e2\u0080\u009d Desgenais said to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhen will you\\nforget that woman? Is she, then, such a great loss?\\nthe fine pleasure of being loved by her Take the first\\nthat comes.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cit is not so great a loss. Have I\\nnot done what I ought? have I not driven her from\\nhere? What, then, have you to say? The rest con-\\ncerns me bulls wounded in the circus are free to go\\nand lie down in a corner with the matador\u00e2\u0080\u0099s sword in\\ntheir shoulders and to die in peace. What shall I do,\\ntell me at once Who are your first comers? You will\\nshow me a clear sky, trees and houses, men who speak,\\ndrink, sing, women who dance and horses that gallop.\\nAll that is not life, it is the bustle of life. Come,\\ncome, give me rest.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nv\\nWhen Desgenais saw that my despair was beyond\\nremedy, that I did not want to listen to any one nor\\nto leave my room, he took the matter seriously. I saw\\nhim arrive one evening with an air of gravity; he", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0075.jp2"}, "72": {"fulltext": "5\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nspoke to me of my mistress and continued in a tone\\nof banter, saying of women all the evil that he thought.\\nWhile he was speaking I had been resting on my\\nelbow, and, raising myself on my bed, I listened to\\nhim attentively.\\nIt was on one of those sombre evenings when the\\nwhistling wind resembles the moans of one dying; a\\ncutting rain was beating against the glass, leaving at\\nintervals a deadly silence. All nature suffers at these\\ntimes; the trees are agitated with grief or sadly bow\\nthe head; the field birds shut themselves up in the\\nthickets; the streets of the cities are empty. My wound\\nwas making me suffer. Yet on the evening before, I\\nhad a mistress and a friend my mistress had betrayed\\nme, my friend had stretched me on a bed of pain. I\\ndid not yet clearly unravel what was passing through\\nmy head; it seemed to me sometimes that I had had\\na dream full of horror, and that I had only to close my\\neyes to wake up again happy next day; sometimes it\\nwas my whole life that seemed to me a ridiculous and\\npuerile dream, the falseness of which had just been\\nunveiled. Desgenais was seated in front of me, near\\nthe lamp; he was firm and serious, with a perpetual\\nsmile. He was a man full of heart, but dry as pumice-\\nstone. A precocious experience had made him bald\\nbefore aging he knew life, and had wept in his time\\nbut his grief wore a cuirass; he was a materialist, and\\nwaited for death.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0076.jp2"}, "73": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n5 1\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cOctave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009caccording to what is\\npassing in you, I see that you believe in love such as\\nromancers and poets represent it you believe, in a\\nword, in what is said here below, and not in what is\\ndone in it. That comes from the fact that you do\\nnot reason soundly and it may lead you to very great\\nmisfortunes.\\nPoets represent love as sculptors picture to us\\nbeauty, as musicians create melody; that is to say,\\nendowed with a nervous and exquisite organization,\\nthey collect with discernment and ardor the purest ele-\\nments of life, the most beautiful lines of matter, and\\nthe most harmonious voices of nature. There was at\\nAthens, it is said, a great number of pretty girls\\nPraxiteles sketched them all one after the other after\\nwhich, of all these diverse beauties, each of which had\\nher defect, he made a single beauty without defect, and\\ncreated Venus. The first man who made a musical\\ninstrument, and who gave to the art of music its rules\\nand its laws, had, long before, listened to the murmur-\\ning of reeds and the singing of linnets. Thus the poets,\\nwho knew life, after having seen many more or less\\npassing loves, after having felt profoundly to what a\\nsublime degree of exaltation passion can at moments\\nrise, cutting off from human nature all the elements that\\ndegrade it, created those mysterious names that have\\npassed from age to age on men\u00e2\u0080\u0099s lips: Daphnis and\\nChloe, Hero and Leander, Pyramus and Thisbe.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0077.jp2"}, "74": {"fulltext": "5 2\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cTo want to look in real life for loves like to those,\\neternal and absolute, is the same thing as to seek on the\\npublic highway for women as beautiful as Venus, or\\nto wish for nightingales singing the symphonies of\\nBeethoven.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cPerfection does not exist; to comprehend it is the\\ntriumph of the human intellect to desire it in order to\\npossess it is the most dangerous of human follies. Open\\nyour window, Octave do you not see the infinite do\\nyou not feel that the heavens are unbounded does not\\nyour reason tell you so? and yet do you conceive the\\ninfinite do you form any idea of a thing without end,\\nyou who were bom yesterday and who will die to-\\nmorrow In all the countries of the world that spec-\\ntacle of immensity has been the cause of the greatest\\nacts of madness. Religions come from that it was to\\npossess the infinite that Cato cut his throat, that the\\nChristians gave themselves up to the lions, the Hugue-\\nnots to the Catholics; all peoples of the earth have\\nstretched out their arms towards that immense space\\nand have wished to precipitate themselves into it.\\nThe madman wants to possess Heaven the wise man\\nadmires it, kneels, and does not desire.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cPerfection, friend, is no more made for us than\\nimmensity. It must not be sought in anything, nor\\ndemanded of anything, neither of love, beauty, nor of\\nhappiness, nor of virtue but one must love it to be as\\nvirtuous, beautiful, and happy as man can be.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0078.jp2"}, "75": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n53\\nLet us suppose that you have in your study a paint-\\ning by Raphael that you regarded as perfect let us\\nsuppose that yesterday evening, while inspecting it\\nclosely, you discovered in one of the personages of that\\npainting a gross fault in design, a broken member or\\nan unnatural muscle, like one, it is said, that is to be\\nfound in one of the arms of the ancient gladiator you\\nwill certainly feel great displeasure, yet you will not\\nthrow your painting into the fire; you will only say\\nthat it is not perfect, but that there are points which\\nare worthy of admiration.\\nThere are women whose natural good qualities and\\nsincerity of heart prevent them from having two lovers\\nat the same time. You believed that your mistress was\\nsuch that would have been better, indeed. You have\\ndiscovered that she was deceiving you that drives you\\nto despise her, to maltreat her, to believe, in fine, that\\nshe is worthy of your hate.\\nEven though your mistress had never deceived you,\\nand though she love no one but you at present, reflect,\\nOctave, how far from perfection her love would still be,\\nhow human it would be, small, confined to the laws of\\nthe world\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hypocrisy reflect that another man had\\nher before you, and even more than one other man\\nthat still others will have her after you.\\nMake this reflection what is driving you to despair\\nat this moment is that idea of perfection which you had\\nformed for yourself regarding your mistress and from", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0079.jp2"}, "76": {"fulltext": "54\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwhich you see that she has fallen. But as soon as you\\nshall have clearly understood that this first idea itself\\nwas human, small, and restricted, you will see what a\\nlittle matter is a degree more or less on that great\\nrotten ladder of human imperfection.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou will willingly agree, will you not? that your\\nmistress has had other men and that she will have\\nothers; you will tell me, no doubt, that it is of little\\nimportance to know it, provided she loves you and has\\nonly you as long as she will love you. But as for me,\\nI say to you Since she has had other men than you,\\nwhat matters it whether it be yesterday or two years\\nago Since she will have other men, what matters it\\nwhether it be to-morrow or two years hence? Since\\nshe is to love you only once, and since she loves you,\\nwhat matters it, then, whether it be for two years or for\\nbut a single night Are you a man, Octave Do you\\nsee the leaves falling from the trees, the sun rising and\\nsetting? Do you hear the clock of life vibrating at\\neach beat of your heart Is there, then, such a great\\ndifference to us between a love of a year and a love of\\nan hour, you madman who, through that window large\\nas the hand, can see the infinite\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou call the woman honest who loves you faith-\\nfully for two years; apparently you have an almanac\\nmade expressly for finding out how long it takes for\\nmen\u00e2\u0080\u0099s kisses to dry on women\u00e2\u0080\u0099s lips. You make a\\ngreat difference between the woman who gives herself", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0080.jp2"}, "77": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n55\\nfor money and her who gives herself for pleasure, be-\\ntween her who gives herself for pride and her who gives\\nherself for devotedness. Among the women whom you\\nbuy you pay some more than you do others; among\\nthose whom you seek out for the pleasure of the senses,\\nyou abandon yourself to some more confidently than\\nyou do to others among those whom you have from\\nvanity, you show yourself prouder of this one than of\\nthat one and of those to whom you are devoted, there\\nare some to whom you will give the third of your heart,\\nto another the fourth part, to another half, according to\\nher education, manners, name, birth, beauty, tempera-\\nment, occasion, according to what people say of her,\\naccording to what time it is, according to what you\\nhave drunk at dinner.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou have women, Octave, for the reason that you\\nare young, ardent, that your visage is oval and regular,\\nthat your hair is carefully combed; but, for this very\\nreason, my friend, you do not know what a woman is.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNature, above all, wills the reproduction of beings;\\neverywhere, from the mountain\u00e2\u0080\u0099s top to the ocean\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nbed, life is afraid to die. God, to preserve His work,\\nhas, then, established this law, that the greatest enjoy-\\nment of all living beings should be the act of genera-\\ntion. The palm-tree, sending to its female its fecund\\ndust, shudders with love in the glowing winds; the\\nrutting stag forces its resisting hind; the dove palpi-\\ntates under the wings of the male like a sensitive lover", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0081.jp2"}, "78": {"fulltext": "56\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nand man, holding his companion in his arms, in the\\nbosom of omnipotent nature, feels bounding in his\\nheart the divine spark that created him.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cOh, my friend! when you clasp in your naked\\narms a beautiful and robust woman, if lust draws tears\\nfrom you, if you feel oaths of eternal love sobbing on\\nyour lips, if the infinite descends into your heart, do\\nnot fear to surrender yourself, even should you be\\nwith a courtesan.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cBut do not confound the wine with the intoxica-\\ntion do not believe the cup divine from which you\\ndrink the divine potion do not be astonished in the\\nevening to find it empty and broken. It is a woman,\\nit is a fragile vessel, made of earth by a potter.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cThank God for pointing out Heaven to you, and\\nbecause you flap the wing do not believe yourself a bird.\\nBirds themselves cannot cross the clouds there is a\\nsphere in which air is wanting to them and the lark,\\nwhich rises singing in the morning mists, sometimes\\nfalls dead on the furrow.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cTake of love what a temperate man takes of wine;\\ndo not become a drunkard. If your mistress is sincere\\nand faithful, love her for that; but if she is not so, and\\nshe be young and beautiful, love her because she is\\nyoung and beautiful and, if she is agreeable and witty,\\nstill love her and, if she is nothing of all that, but she\\nloves you only, love her still. One is not loved every\\nevening.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0082.jp2"}, "79": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n57\\nDo not tear out your hair and do not speak of stab-\\nbing yourself because you have a rival. You say that\\nyour mistress is deceiving you for another it is your\\npride that suffers from it but change only the words\\nsay to yourself that it is he whom she is deceiving for\\nyou, and how glorious you are.\\nMake no rule of conduct for yourself, and do not\\nsay that you wish to be loved to the exclusion of every\\none else; for, in saying that, as you are a man and\\ninconstant yourself, you are forced to add tacitly i As\\nmuch as that is possible.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cTake time as it comes, the wind as it blows, woman\\nas she is. Spanish women, the first among women,\\nlove faithfully their hearts are sincere and violent, but\\nthey carry a stiletto on their hearts. Italian women are\\nlascivious, but they seek broad shoulders and take their\\nlovers\u00e2\u0080\u0099 measure with tailors\u00e2\u0080\u0099 tapes. English women are\\nexalted and melancholy, but they are cold and formal.\\nGerman women are tender and sweet, but insipid and\\nmonotonous. French women are witty, elegant, and\\nvoluptuous, but they lie like demons.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAbove all, do not accuse women of being what they\\nare it is we who have made them so, unmaking the\\nwork of nature on every occasion.\\nNature, which thinks of everything, has made the\\nvirgin to be a lover; but at her first child, her hair\\nfalls, her bosom is deformed, her body bears a scar\\nwoman is made to be a mother. Man would perhaps", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0083.jp2"}, "80": {"fulltext": "58\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwithdraw from her then, disgusted at beauty lost but\\nhis child clings to him weeping. That is the family,\\nthe human law; all that deviates from it is monstrous.\\nWhat constitutes the virtue of rural folks is that their\\nwives are child-bearing and nursing machines, as they\\nthemselves are laboring machines. They have neither\\nfalse hair nor virginal milk but their loves have no\\nleprosy; in their artless couplings they take no notice\\nthat America has been discovered. Lacking sensuality,\\ntheir wives are sound their hands are callous, but their\\nhearts are not so.\\nCivilization acts contrary to nature. In our cities\\nand in accordance with our manners, the virgin, made\\nto run in the sun, to admire nude wrestlers, as at\\nLacedaemon, to choose, to love, she is shut up, she is\\nlocked up yet she hides a romance under her crucifix\\npale and idle, she is corrupted in front of her mirror, in\\nthe silence of night she tarnishes that beauty which is\\nstifling her and which needs the open air. Then all of\\na sudden she is taken thence, knowing nothing, loving\\nnothing, desiring everything an old woman indoctri-\\nnates her, an obscene word is whispered in her ear, and\\nshe is thrust into the bed of a stranger who violates her.\\nThat is marriage, that is to say, the civilized family.\\nAnd now behold that poor girl making a child look at\\nher hair, her bosom, her body becoming tarnished;\\nlook at her having lost the beauty of lovers, and not\\nhaving loved. Look at her having conceived, look at", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0084.jp2"}, "81": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n59\\nher having given birth to a child, and asking why, and\\nshe is told \u00e2\u0080\u0098You are a mother.\u00e2\u0080\u0099 She answers I am\\nnot a mother let that child be given to a woman who\\nhas milk, there is none in my breasts, it is not thus that\\nmilk comes to women. Her husband answers her that\\nshe is right, that his child would disgust him with her.\\nOne comes, one decks her, one puts Mechlin lace on\\nher blood-stained bed she is cared for, she is healed of\\nthe sickness of maternity. A month later, see her at\\nthe Tuileries, at the ball, at the Opera her child is at\\nChaillot, at Auxerre her husband in the place of ill\\nrepute. Ten young men speak to her of love, of de-\\nvotedness, of sympathy, of eternal embrace, of all that\\nshe has in her heart. She takes one of them, draws\\nhim to her breast he dishonors her, returns, and goes\\nto the Bourse. Now see her launch she weeps one\\nnight, and finds that the tears redden her eyes. She\\ntakes a consoler, for whose loss another consoles her\\nthus until she is thirty and over. It is then that with\\nsenses blunted and gangrened, no longer having any-\\nthing human, not even disgust, one evening she meets\\na handsome youth with black hair, with ardent eye,\\nwith a heart palpitating with hope; she recalls her\\nyouth, she remembers what she suffered, and, giving him\\nthe lessons of her life, she teaches him never to love.\\nThat is woman such as we have made her there\\nare our mistresses. But what they are women, and\\nthere are good moments with them", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0085.jp2"}, "82": {"fulltext": "6o\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nIf you are of firm temper, sure of yourself and truly\\na man, this, then, is what I advise you rush fearlessly\\ninto the torrent of the world have courtesans, dancers,\\nmiddle-class girls, and marchionesses. Be constant and\\nfaithless, sad and joyous, deceived or respected; but\\nknow whether you are loved, for, from the moment that\\nyou will be so, what matters the rest to you\\nIf you are a mediocre and ordinary man, I am of\\nthe opinion that you will seek some time before decid-\\ning, but that you did not count on anything of what\\nyou will have supposed you would find in your mistress.\\nIf you are a weak man, inclined to let yourself be\\ndominated, and to take root w r here you see a little earth,\\nmake for yourself a cuirass that resists everything for,\\nif you give way to your weakly nature, where you will\\nhave taken root you will not grow you will dry up like\\na sluggish plant, and you will bear neither flower nor\\nfruit. The sap of your life will pass into a foreign\\nbark all your actions will be pale as the willow leaf\\nyou will have to water you only your own tears, and to\\nnourish you only your own heart.\\nBut if you are of an exalted nature, believing in\\ndreams and wishing to realize them, I answer you then\\nquite plainly Love does not exist.\u00e2\u0080\u0099\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cFor I concur in your opinion, and I say to you\\nTo love is to give body and soul, or, to express it\\nbetter, it is to make a single being of two it is to walk\\nin the sun, in the open, breezy air, amid wheat fields", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0086.jp2"}, "83": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n61\\nand meadows, with a body of four arms, two heads, and\\ntwo hearts. Love is the faith, the religion of terrestrial\\nhappiness it is a luminous triangle placed in the dome\\nof that temple which we call the world. To love is to\\nwalk freely in that temple, and to have at one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s side a\\nbeing capable of understanding why a thought, a word,\\na flower, makes you stop and raise your head towards\\nthe celestial triangle. To exercise man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s noble faculties\\nis a great good, and that is why genius is a fine thing\\nbut to double one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s faculties, to press a heart and an\\nunderstanding on one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s understanding and one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s heart,\\nis the supreme happiness. God has done no more for\\nman that is why love is worth more than genius.\\nNow, tell me, is that our wives\u00e2\u0080\u0099 love No, no, it must\\nbe admitted. With them, to love is something else it\\nis to go out veiled, to write mysteriously, to walk trem-\\nblingly on tiptoe, to plot and banter, to cast languish-\\ning glances, to heave chaste sighs in a starched and\\nstiffened dress, then to draw the bolts so as to throw it\\nover her head, to humiliate a rival, to deceive a hus-\\nband, to drive her lovers mad with our wives, to love\\nis to play at lying as children play hide-and-seek a\\nhideous debauch of the heart, worse than all the Roman\\nlubricity at the Saturnalia of Priapus a bastard parody\\nof vice itself as well as of virtue a dull and low com-\\nedy in which everything is whispered and is acted with\\noblique looks, in which everything is small, elegant,\\nand misshapen, as in those porcelain monsters that are", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0087.jp2"}, "84": {"fulltext": "62\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nbrought from China a lamentable derision of what\\nthere is of beauty and ugliness, of divine and infernal\\nin the world a shadow without a body, the skeleton of\\nall that God has made.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThus spoke Desgenais in a snappish tone, amid the\\nsilence of the night.\\nVI\\nI was next day in the Bois de Boulogne, before\\ndinner the weather was dull. Arrived at the Porte\\nMaillot, I let my horse go where he pleased, and giving\\nmyself up to a profound reverie, I gradually went over\\nagain in my head all that Desgenais had said to me.\\nAs I crossed an alley, I heard myself called by name.\\nI turned back, and saw in an open carriage one of my\\nmistress\u00e2\u0080\u0099s most intimate friends. She called out to\\nstop, and, extending her hand with a friendly air, asked\\nme, if I had nothing to do, to come and dine with her.\\nThis woman, who was called Madame Levasseur, was\\nsmall, stout, and very blonde she had always dis-\\npleased me, I know not why, there never having been\\nanything disagreeable in our relations. Yet I could\\nnot resist the desire to accept her invitation I pressed\\nher hand while thanking her I felt that we were going\\nto speak of my mistress.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0088.jp2"}, "85": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n63\\nShe gave me some one to lead back my horse I got\\ninto her carriage, she was alone there, and we at once\\nresumed the way to Paris. Rain was beginning to fall,\\nthey closed the carriage thus shut up in a tete-a-tete,\\nwe at first remained silent. I looked at her with inex-\\npressible sadness not only was she my faithless one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nfriend, but she was her confidante. Often, during the\\nhappy days, she had been a third party in our evening\\nmeetings. With what impatience I had borne her then\\nhow often I had counted the moments that she spent\\nwith us Whence no doubt my aversion to her. It\\nwas all very fine for me to know that she approved of\\nour love, that she even sometimes defended me to my\\nmistress in days of storm; I could not, for all her friend-\\nship, pardon her importunities. Despite her goodness\\nand the services that she had rendered us, she seemed\\nto me ugly, tiresome. Alas how beautiful I found her\\nnow I looked at her hands, her garments each move-\\nment went to my heart; the whole past was written there.\\nShe saw me, she divined what I felt toward her, and that\\nmemories were oppressing me. The journey passed\\nthus, I looking at her, she smiling at me. At last, when\\nwe entered Paris, she took my hand: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWell!\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I answered, sobbing, \u00e2\u0080\u009ctell her, madame, if\\nyou wish.\u00e2\u0080\u009d And I shed a torrent of tears.\\nBut when after dinner we were by the fireside But\\nat last,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cis all that affair irrevocable? is\\nthere no further means", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0089.jp2"}, "86": {"fulltext": "6 4\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAlas! madam e,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied, there is nothing irre-\\nvocable but the sorrow that will kill me. My history\\nis not a long one to tell I can neither love her, nor\\nlove another, nor do without loving.\\nShe threw herself back on her chair at these words,\\nand I saw on her countenance the marks of her com-\\npassion. Long did she seem to reflect and commune\\nwith herself, as if feeling an echo in her heart. Her\\neyes were veiled, and she remained shut up as in a\\nmemory. She extended her hand to me, I approached\\nher. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd I also,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she murmured, and I also that\\nis what I have known under proper circumstances. A\\nkeen emotion stopped her.\\nOf all the sisters of Love, one of the most beautiful\\nis Pity. I held Madame Levasseur\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hand; she was\\nalmost in my arms she began to tell me all that she\\ncould imagine in my mistress\u00e2\u0080\u0099s favor, to complain of\\nme as much as to excuse her. My sadness increased\\nthereat what answer should I make She passed from\\nthat to speak of herself.\\nNot long ago, she said to me, a man who loved her\\nhad abandoned her. She had made great sacrifices\\nher fortune was compromised, as well as the honor of\\nher name. On the part of her husband, whom she\\nknew to be vindictive, there had been threats. It was\\na story mingled with tears, and which interested me so\\nmuch that I forgot my own sorrows as I listened to\\nhers. She had been married against her heart, she", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0090.jp2"}, "87": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n6 5\\nhad struggled for a long time but she regretted noth-\\ning, except being no longer loved. I believe even that\\nshe accused herself to some extent, as not having known\\nhow to preserve her lover\u00e2\u0080\u0099s heart, and having acted with\\nlevity in his regard.\\nWhen, after having comforted her heart, she became\\ngradually as if mute and uncertain No, madame,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nsaid to her, it was not chance that brought me to-day\\nto the Bois de Boulogne. Let me believe that human\\nsorrows are straying sisters, but that a good angel is\\nsomewhere, which sometimes designedly unites these\\nweak trembling hands extended toward God. Since\\nI have seen you again and since you have called me,\\ndo not repent, then, of having spoken and, whoever\\nit be who is listening to you, never repent of tears.\\nThe secret that you confide to me is only a tear fallen\\nfrom your eyes, but it has remained on my heart. Per-\\nmit me to return, and let us sometimes suffer together.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nA sympathy so keen took possession of me as I spoke\\nthus, that, without reflecting on it, I embraced her it\\ndid not occur to my mind that she might be offended\\nthereat, and she did not even appear to notice it.\\nA deep silence reigned in the house in which Madame\\nLevasseur dwelt. Some tenant being ill there, they had\\nspread straw in the street, so that the carriages made no\\nnoise. I was near her, holding her in my arms, and\\nabandoning myself to one of the sweetest emotions of\\nthe heart, the feeling of a sorrow shared.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0091.jp2"}, "88": {"fulltext": "66\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nOur conversation continued in a tone of the most\\nexpansive friendship. She told me her sufferings, I\\nrelated mine to her and, between these two sorrows\\nthat were touching each other, I felt an indescribable\\nsweetness arise, an indescribably consoling voice, like\\na pure and celestial accord born of the concert of two\\nmoaning voices. Yet, during all those tears, as I\\nleaned towards Madame Levasseur, I saw only her\\ncountenance. In a moment of silence, having raised\\nmyself up and receded a little, I perceived that whilst\\nwe were speaking, she had rested her foot high enough\\non the chimney-piece for her leg, her dress having\\nslipped, to be entirely exposed. To me it seemed\\nsingular that, seeing my confusion, she did not disturb\\nherself, and I took a few steps while turning my head\\nso as to give her time to adjust her skirts she did\\nnothing of the kind. Returning to the fireplace, I\\nremained there leaning silently, looking at that dis-\\norder, the appearance of which was too revolting to be\\nborne. At last, meeting her eyes and seeing clearly\\nthat she herself very well perceived what was the matter,\\nI felt as if thunderstruck for I distinctly understood\\nthat I was the plaything of an effrontery so monstrous,\\nthat grief itself was to her only a seduction of the\\nsenses. I took my hat without saying a word she let\\ndown her dress slowly, and I left the room making her\\na low bow.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0092.jp2"}, "89": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n67\\nVII\\nOn returning home, I found a large wooden box in\\nthe middle of my room. One of my aunts had died,\\nand I had a share in her inheritance, which was not\\nvery large. This box contained, among other indif-\\nferent articles, a quantity of dusty old books. Know-\\ning not what to do, and worn out with lassitude, I\\nundertook to read some of them. For the most part\\nthey were romances of the age of Louis XV. my\\naunt, a very devout woman, had probably inherited\\nsome of them herself, and had kept them without\\nreading them for they were, so to say, so many\\ncatechisms of libertinism.\\nI have in my mind a singular propensity to reflect\\non everything that happens to me, even to the slightest\\nincidents, and to give them a sort of consequent and\\nmoral reason I treat them, in a certain sense, as\\nrosary beads, and I try, in spite of myself, to connect\\nthem by one and the same string.\\nThough I seem puerile in this respect, the arrival of\\nthese books struck me, in the circumstance in which I\\nthen found myself. I devoured them with unbounded\\nbitterness and sadness, my heart broken, and the smile\\non my lips. \u00e2\u0080\u009cYes, you are right,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to them,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cyou alone know the secrets of life; you alone dare", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0093.jp2"}, "90": {"fulltext": "68\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nto say that nothing is true but debauch, hypocrisy, and\\ncorruption. Be my friends, cast your corrosive poisons\\non my soul\u00e2\u0080\u0099s wound teach me to believe in you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhile I was thus burying myself in darkness, my\\nfavorite poets and my books of study remained scat-\\ntered in the dust. I trampled them under foot in my\\nattacks of wrath: \u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd you,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to them, \u00e2\u0080\u009cmad\\ndreamers who teach only how to suffer, miserable\\narrangers of words, charlatans if you knew the truth,\\nbut, if you were in good faith, liars in both cases, who\\ntell fairy stories with the human heart, I will burn all\\nof you even to the last\\nAmid all that, tears came to my aid, and I perceived\\nthat there was nothing true but my sorrow. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWell,\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI then exclaimed in my delirium, \u00e2\u0080\u009ctell me, good and\\nbad genii, counselors of good and evil, tell me, then,\\nwhat it is necessary to do Choose, then, an arbiter\\nbetween you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI took up an old Bible that was on my table, and\\nopened it at random \u00e2\u0080\u009cAnswer me, you, God\u00e2\u0080\u0099s book,\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI said to it \u00e2\u0080\u009clet us know a little of what your advice\\nis.\u00e2\u0080\u009d I fell on these words of Ecclesiastes chapter ix.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cFor all this I considered in my heart, even to de-\\nclare all this, that the righteous, and the wise, and their\\nworks, are in the hand of God no man knoweth either\\nlove or hatred by all that is before them.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAll things come alike to all there is one event to\\nthe righteous, and to the wicked to the good, and to", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0094.jp2"}, "91": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n69\\nthe clean, and to the unclean to him that sacrificeth,\\nand to him that sacrificeth not as is the good, so is\\nthe sinner and he that sweareth, as he that feareth an\\noath.\\nThis is an evil among all things that are done under\\nthe sun, that there is one event unto all yea, also the\\nheart of the sons of men is full of evil, and madness is\\nin their heart while they live, and after that, they go to\\nthe dead.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI remained stupefied after having read these words\\nI did not believe that such a sentiment existed in the\\nBible. So, then,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to it, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand you also doubt,\\nyou, Book of Hope\\nWhat, then, do astronomers think, when they pre-\\ndict at a stated point, at the hour named, the passage\\nof a comet, the most irregular of celestial strollers?\\nWhat, then, do naturalists think, when they show you,\\nthrough a microscope, animals in a drop of water Do\\nthey believe, then, that they invent what they perceive,\\nand that their microscopes and their spy-glasses make\\nlaws for nature What, then, did the First Lawgiver\\nto men think, when, seeking what ought to be the first\\nstone of the social edifice, no doubt irritated by some\\nimportunate talker, he struck on his brass tables, and\\nfelt the law of retaliation calling out in his entrails?\\nhad he, then, invented justice? And he who was the\\nfirst to snatch from the earth the fruit planted by his\\nneighbor, and who put it under his cloak, and who", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0095.jp2"}, "92": {"fulltext": "THE CONFESSION OF A\\n70\\nfled as he looked here and there, had he invented\\nshame And he who, having found that same robber\\nwho had despoiled him of the product of his labor,\\npardoned him his first offence, and, instead of raising\\na hand against him, said to him \u00e2\u0080\u009cSit down there\\nand take this also when, after having thus done\\ngood for evil, he raised his head towards heaven, and\\nfelt his heart bound, and his eyes moisten with tears,\\nand his knees bend to the ground, had he then in-\\nvented virtue O God O God there is a woman\\nwho speaks of love and who deceives me there is a\\nman who speaks of friendship, and who advises me to\\ndistract myself in debauch; there is another woman\\nwho weeps and who wants to console me with the mus-\\ncles of her flanks there is a Bible that speaks of God,\\nand that answers Perhaps all that is indifferent.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI rushed towards my open window: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIs it true,\\nthen, that thou art void?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed as I looked\\nat a great pale sky that was unfolding over my head.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnswer, answer Before I die, will you put aught\\nelse than a dream into these two arms here\\nA deep silence reigned on the place overlooked by\\nmy windows. As I remained with my arms extended\\nand my eyes lost in space, a swallow uttered a plaintive\\ncry I followed it with my eye in spite of myself while\\nit was disappearing like an arrow in the distance, a\\nyoung girl passed, singing.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0096.jp2"}, "93": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n71\\nVIII\\nI did not want to yield, however. Before coming to\\ntake life really on its pleasant side, which seemed to me\\nits sinister side, I had resolved to try everything. Thus\\nI remained for a very long time a prey to numberless\\nsorrows and tonnented by terrible dreams.\\nThe great reason that kept me from being cured was\\nmy youth. No matter in what place I was, no matter\\nwhat occupation I imposed on myself, I was able to\\nthink only of women the sight of a woman made me\\ntremble. How many times I woke up in the night\\nbathed in perspiration, to press my mouth against my\\nwalls, feeling ready to suffocate\\nThere had occurred to me one of the greatest of\\nhappinesses, and perhaps one of the rarest, that of\\ngiving my virginity to love. But the result of it was\\nthat every idea of pleasure of the senses was united in\\nme with an idea of love; that was what ruined me.\\nFor, not being able to keep myself from thinking con-\\ntinually of women, I could do nothing else at the same\\ntime but day and night revolve again through my head\\nall those ideas of debauch, of false loves and of feminine\\ntreasons of which I was full. To me, to have a woman\\nwas to love now, I dreamt only of women, and I no\\nlonger believed in the possibility of a true love.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0097.jp2"}, "94": {"fulltext": "72\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nAll these sufferings inspired me as a sort of madness\\nsometimes I desired to do as monks do and to scourge\\nmyself in order to overcome my senses sometimes I\\ndesired to go into the street, into the country, I knew\\nnot whither, to cast myself at the feet of the first woman\\nwhom I should meet and to swear an eternal love to\\nher.\\nGod is my witness that I then did all in the world\\nto distract myself and to be cured. At first, ever pre-\\noccupied with the involuntary idea that the society of\\nmen was a resort of vice and hypocrisy, where every-\\nthing resembled my mistress, I resolved to isolate\\nmyself from it, and to isolate myself completely. I\\nresumed former studies I threw myself into history,\\ninto my ancient poets, into anatomy. There was in\\nthe house, on the fifth floor, an old German who was\\nvery well educated, living alone and retired. I pre-\\nvailed upon him, not without difficulty, to teach me\\nhis language once at the business, this poor man took\\nit to heart. My perpetual distractions afflicted him.\\nHow often, seated in close converse with me, under\\nhis smoky lamp, he remained with astonishing patience,\\nlooking at me with his hands crossed on his book,\\nwhilst I, lost in my dreams, took no notice either of\\nhis presence or of his pity My good sir,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I at last\\nsaid to him, \u00e2\u0080\u009cit is quite useless, but you are the best\\nof men. What a task you undertake I must be left\\nto my destiny; we can do nothing with it, neither you", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0098.jp2"}, "95": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 73\\nnor I.\u00e2\u0080\u009d I know not whether he understood this lan-\\nguage he clasped my hand without saying a word,\\nand there was no further question of German.\\nI felt immediately that solitude, instead of healing,\\nwas killing me, and completely changed the system.\\nI went to the country and launched at a gallop into\\nthe woods, hunting I fenced until I lost my breath I\\nbroke myself down with fatigue, and when, after a day\\nof sweat and racing, I reached my bed in the evening,\\nsmelling of the stable and the powder, I buried my\\nhead in the pillow, I rolled myself in my covers, and\\nI exclaimed Phantom, phantom art thou also\\ntired wilt thou leave me some night\\nBut what was the use of these vain efforts solitude\\nsent me back to nature, and nature to love. When\\nat the Rue de V Observance I saw myself surrounded\\nby corpses, wiping my hands on my bloody apron,\\npale amid the dead, suffocated by the odor of putre-\\nfaction, I turned round in spite of myself, I saw\\nfloating before my eyes verdant harvests, embalmed\\nmeadows, and the pensive harmony of evening. No,\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI said to myself, it is not science that will console\\nme it will be useless for me to plunge into that dead\\nnature, I myself will die at it like a livid drowned\\nperson in the skin of a flayed lamb. I will not cure\\nmyself of my youth let us go and live where life is,\\nor let us die at least in the sun.\u00e2\u0080\u009d I left, I took a\\nhorse, I buried myself in the promenades of Sevres", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0099.jp2"}, "96": {"fulltext": "74\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nand Chaville; I went to stretch myself on a flowery\\nmeadow, in some secluded valley. Alas and all\\nthose forests, all those meadows cried out to me\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat seek you? We are green, poor child, we\\nwear the color of hope.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThen I returned to the city I lost myself in the\\ndark streets I looked at the lights of all those win-\\ndows, all those mysterious nests of families, carriages\\npassing, men bumping against each other. Oh what\\nsolitude what a sad smoke on those roofs what sor-\\nrow in those tortuous streets where everything prances,\\nworks, and sweats, where thousands of unknown per-\\nsons pass touching elbows a sewer in which the bodies\\nalone are in society, leaving the souls solitary, and\\nwhere there are none but prostitutes who extend the\\nhand to you in passing! \u00e2\u0080\u009cCorrupt thyself! corrupt\\nthyself! thou wilt no longer suffer!\u00e2\u0080\u009d That is what\\nthe cities call out to man, what is written on the walls\\nwith charcoal, on the pavements with mud, on the\\ncountenance with extra vasated blood.\\nAnd sometimes, when, seated apart in a parlor, I\\nwas attending a brilliant feast, seeing all those rosy,\\nblue, white women dance, with their bare arms and\\ntheir clusters of hair, like cherubs intoxicated with\\nlight in their spheres of harmony and beauty: \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh!\\nwhat a garden!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat flowers to\\ngather, to breathe Ah daisies, daisies what will\\nyour last petal say to him who will pluck off your", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0100.jp2"}, "97": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n75\\nleaves \u00e2\u0080\u0098A little, a little, and not at all.\u00e2\u0080\u0099 That is the\\nmorality of the world, that the end of your smiles.\\nThere are, covering this sad abyss that you tread so\\nlightly, flower-strewn veils it is on that hideous truth\\nthat you run like hinds on the tips of your little feet\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cEh by heavens,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Desgenais, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhy take it all\\nseriously? That is what has never been seen. Do you\\ncomplain that the bottles become empty? There are\\ncasks in the cellars, and cellars in the hill-sides. Make\\nme a good fish-hook gilt with sweet words, with a\\nhoneyed fly for bait, and quick fish me in the river of\\nforgetfulness a pretty consoler, fresh and slippery as an\\neel there will still some remain to us, although she will\\nhave slipped from between your fingers. Love, love,\\nyou will die from desiring it. Youth must pass; and\\nif I were you, I would rather carry off the queen of\\nPortugal than study anatomy.\\nSuch was the advice that I had to listen to on every\\noccasion and when the hour came I took the way to\\nmy home, my heart swollen, my cloak over my face I\\nknelt by the side of my bed, and my poor heart was\\ncomforted. What tears what vows what prayers\\nGalileo struck the earth exclaiming: \u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd yet it\\nmoves So I struck my heart.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0101.jp2"}, "98": {"fulltext": "76\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nIX\\nAll of a sudden, amid the blackest grief, despair,\\nyouth, and chance forced me to an act which decided\\nmy lot.\\nI had written to my mistress that I no longer wanted\\nto see her, and indeed I kept my word, but I spent the\\nnights under her windows, seated on a bench at her\\ndoor I saw her windows lighted, I heard the sound of\\nher piano; sometimes I perceived her as a shadow\\nbehind her half-open curtains.\\nA certain night when I was on that bench, plunged in\\nfrightful sadness, I saw a belated workman pass who was\\nstaggering. He was stammering disconnected words,\\nmingled with exclamations of joy then he interrupted\\nhimself with singing. He was overcome with wine, and\\nhis enfeebled limbs led him sometimes to one side of\\nthe water-course, sometimes to the other. He went\\nand fell on the bench of another house in front of me.\\nThere he rocked himself for some time on his elbows,\\nthen he fell fast asleep.\\nThe street was deserted a dry wind swept the dust\\nthe moon, in the midst of a cloudless sky, was lighting\\nup the place where the man slept. I found myself,\\nthen, close to that churl, who had no idea of my\\npresence, and who was resting on that stone more\\npleasantly, perhaps, than if in his bed.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0102.jp2"}, "99": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n77\\nIn spite of myself, that man gave a diversion to my\\nsorrow I arose to make way for him, then I returned\\nand sat down again. I could not leave that door, on\\nwhich I would not have knocked for an empire at last,\\nafter having walked in all directions, I stopped mechani-\\ncally in front of the sleeper.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat a sleep I said to myself. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAssuredly that\\nman is not dreaming his wife, at such an hour as this,\\nis perhaps opening to his neighbor the door of the\\ngarret in which he sleeps. His garments are in rags,\\nhis cheeks are hollow, his hands wrinkled he is some\\nwretch who has not food every day. A thousand de-\\nvouring cares, a thousand mortal anguishes, await him\\non his reawakening yet he had a crown in his pocket\\nthis evening, he entered a tavern in which they sold him\\nthe forgetfulness of his ills; he earned enough in his\\nweek with which to have one night\u00e2\u0080\u0099s sleep, he has taken\\nit, perhaps, from his children\u00e2\u0080\u0099s supper. Now his mis-\\ntress may betray him, his friend may glide like a thief\\ninto his den I myself can strike him on the shoulder,\\nand call to him that he is being assassinated, that his\\nhouse is on fire he will turn over on the other side and\\nwill fall asleep again.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd as for me, and as for me I continued as l\\ntraversed the street with long strides, I do not sleep,\\nI who have in my pocket this evening the wherewithal\\nto make him sleep for a year I am so proud and so\\nmad that I dare not enter a tavern, and I do not see", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0103.jp2"}, "100": {"fulltext": "78\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthat, if all the unfortunate enter it, it is because happy\\nones leave it. O God a bunch of grapes crushed\\nunder the soles of the feet suffices to dissipate the darkest\\ncares and to break all the invisible ropes that the genii\\nof evil stretch in our way. We weep like women, we\\nsuffer like martyrs it seems to us, in our despair, that a\\nworld has crumbled over our head, and we sit down in\\nour tears like Adam at the gate of Eden. And, to heal\\na wound wider than the world, it suffices to make a little\\nmotion of the hand and to moisten our breast. What\\nmiseries, then, are our sorrows, since they are thus con-\\nsoled? We are astonished that Providence, who sees\\nthem, does not send its angels to hear us in our prayers;\\nit has no need to take so much trouble it has seen\\nall our sufferings, all our desires, all our pride of fallen\\nangels, and the ocean of evils that surrounds us, and it\\nis satisfied with suspending a little black fruit over the\\nborders of our path. Since this man sleeps so well on\\nthis bench, why should I not sleep likewise on mine?\\nMy rival, perhaps, spends the night with my mistress\\nhe will leave her at daybreak she will accompany him\\nhalf-naked to the door, and they will see me asleep.\\nTheir kisses will not awaken me, and they will tap me\\non the shoulder I will turn over on the other side and\\nwill go to sleep again.\\nThus, filled with a fierce joy, I set out in search of\\na tavern. As it was after midnight, nearly all were\\nclosed; that made me furious. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I thought,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0104.jp2"}, "101": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n79\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009ceven this consolation will be refused to me I ran\\nin all directions, knocking at the shops and calling\\nWine wine\\nAt last I found a tavern open I asked for a bottle,\\nand, without observing whether it was good or bad, I\\nswallowed it gulp after gulp a second one followed,\\nthen a third. I treated myself like a sick person, and\\nI forced myself to drink, as if it were a matter of a\\nremedy ordered by a physician, a question of life or\\ndeath.\\nEre long the vapors of the dark liquor, which was no\\ndoubt adulterated, surrounded me with a cloud. As I\\nhad drunk hurriedly, drunkenness seized upon me all of\\na sudden I felt my ideas becoming mixed, then calmed,\\nthen mixed again. At last, reflection abandoning me,\\nI raised my eyes to the heavens, as if to bid adieu to\\nmyself, and stretched myself out with my elbows on the\\ntable.\\nThen only did I perceive that I was not alone in the\\nroom. At the other extremity of the tavern was a\\ngroup of hideous men, with ghastly figures and rough\\nvoices. Their costume bespoke that they were not of\\nthe people, without their being of the bourgeois in a\\nword, they belonged to that ambiguous class, the vilest\\nof all, which has neither calling, nor fortune, nor even\\nan industry, except it be an ignoble industry, which is\\nneither poor nor rich, and which has the vices of the\\none and the wretchedness of the other.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0105.jp2"}, "102": {"fulltext": "8o\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nThey were discussing in an undertone disgusting\\ncards in the midst of them was a girl very young and\\nvery pretty, neatly dressed, and who seemed to resemble\\nthem in nothing, except in voice, which was also hoarse\\nand cracked too, with a rosy countenance, as if she had\\nbeen a public crier for sixty years. She was looking at\\nme attentively, no doubt astonished at seeing me in a\\ntavern for I was elegantly attired and almost choice in\\nmy toilet. Gradually she approached passing in front\\nof my table, she took up the bottles that were there,\\nand, seeing all three of them empty, she smiled. I saw\\nthat she had superb teeth of sparkling whiteness I took\\nher hand, and begged her to be seated beside me she\\ndid so with good grace and asked, as her order, that\\nsome supper be brought to her.\\nI looked at her without saying a word, and my eyes\\nwere filled with tears she noticed this, and asked me\\nwhy, but I could not answer her I shook my head as if\\nto make my tears flow more abundantly, for I felt them\\ntrickling down my cheeks. She understood that I had\\nsome secret sorrow, and did not try to divine its cause\\nshe took out her handkerchief, and, while supping very\\npleasantly, she wiped my face from time to time.\\nThere was in that girl something so indescribably\\nhorrible and so sweet, and an impudence so singularly\\nmingled with pity, that I did not know what to think of\\nher. If she had taken my hand in the street, she\\nwould have horrified me but it seemed to me so odd", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0106.jp2"}, "103": {"fulltext": "$att Jnrst Chapter t.t\\nlooked at her without saying a word and my eyes\\nwere filled with tears she noticed this and asked me why\\nbut I could not answer her she took out her\\nhandkerchief a?id while supping very pleasantly she\\nwiped my face from time to time", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0107.jp2"}, "104": {"fulltext": "7.5\\na \\\\kq \\\\V to\\n,v(^$ tata tos\u00c2\u00bb ,w^\\\\ taaistott\\ntoo iw\\\\ ofo miwo \\\\o\u00c2\u00ab btooo to^\\nota ,vj\\\\tosw,\u00c2\u00bboV^ m^ovs o\\\\toos ,toso\\n.mV* o\\\\ okV$\\\\ s\u00c2\u00abw\\\\ ooo\\\\ v^w torsos", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0108.jp2"}, "105": {"fulltext": "fr\\ni a M", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0109.jp2"}, "106": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0110.jp2"}, "107": {"fulltext": "m ^wlMl tf/JpasMr\\nH mm$m\\ns i^pp^a\\nU\u00e2\u0080\u0098. ;.\u00c2\u00abKI\\nmk\\nJMjK 5S\\nWF 4\\n\u00e2\u0096\u00a0I\\nN^Vj\\n1\\nP. Jazet inv.\\nE Abot sc.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0113.jp2"}, "108": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0114.jp2"}, "109": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n8 1\\nthat a creature whom I had never seen, whoever she was,\\nshould come, without saying a word to me, sup in front\\nof me, and wipe away my tears with her handkerchief,\\nthat I remained spellbound, at the same time disgusted\\nand delighted. I understood the tavern-keeper to ask\\nher if she knew me she answered yes, and that I be\\nlet alone. Ere long the players departed, and, the\\ntavern-keeper having passed into the room back of his\\nshop after having closed his door and his outside shut-\\nters, I remained alone with this girl.\\nAll that I had just done had come so quickly, and I\\nhad obeyed such a strange impulse of despair, that I\\nthought I was dreaming, and that my thoughts were\\nstruggling in a labyrinth.\\nIt seemed to me either that I was mad, or that I had\\nobeyed a supernatural power.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWho are you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed to myself suddenly;\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat do you want of me? how do you know me?\\nwho told you to wipe away my tears Is it your trade\\nthat you are practising, and do you think that I want\\nyou? I would not touch you even with the end of\\nmy finger. What are you doing there answer. Is it\\nmoney you want For how much do you sell that pity\\nthat you have\\nI arose and wanted to leave; but I felt that I was\\nstaggering. At the same time my eyes became dim, a\\nmortal weakness took possession of me, and I fell on a\\nstool.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0115.jp2"}, "110": {"fulltext": "82\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nYou are suffering,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said that girbto me as she took\\nhold of my arm; \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou have drunk like a youth that\\nyou are, not knowing what you were doing. Stay on\\nthis chair, and wait for a hack to pass in the street you\\nwill tell me where your mother lives, and he will take\\nyou home, as in truth,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she added smiling, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou find\\nme homely.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAs she spoke I raised my eyes. Perhaps it was the\\nintoxication that deceived me I do not know whether\\nI had seen indistinctly until then, or saw indistinctly at\\nthat moment but I suddenly perceived that that unfor-\\ntunate one bore on her countenance a fatal resemblance\\nto my mistress. I felt chilled at this sight. There is a\\ncertain shiver that takes hold of a man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hair; the\\ncommon people say it is death that is passing over your\\nhead, but it was not death that was passing over mine.\\nIt was the malady of the age, or rather that girl was\\nit herself and it was she who, under those pale and\\nmocking traits, with that hoarse voice came and sat\\ndown in front of me in the farther end of the tavern.\\nx\\nAs soon as I had perceived that this woman resembled\\nmy mistress, a frightful, an irresistible idea had taken\\npossession of my sick brain, and I at once carried it out.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0116.jp2"}, "111": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n83\\nDuring the early days of my loves, my mistress had\\nsometimes come to visit me by stealth. Those were\\nfeast days in my little room flowers arrived there, the\\nfires sparkled brightly, I prepared a good supper the\\nbed had also its nuptial deckings to receive the dearly\\nbeloved. Often, seated on my sofa, under the glass, I\\nhad contemplated her during the silent hours when our\\nhearts spoke to each other. I looked at her, like to the\\nFairy Mab, changing into a paradise that little solitary\\nspace where so often I had wept. She was there amid\\nall those books, all those scattered garments, all those\\nbattered articles of furniture, between those four gloomy\\nwalls: how sweetly she shone amid all that poverty\\nThese memories, as soon as I had lost her, pursued\\nme unrelentingly they robbed me of sleep. My books,\\nmy walls, spoke to me of her I could not bear them.\\nMy bed drove me into the street I had a horror of it,\\nwhen I was not weeping there.\\nI brought, then, that girl thither; I tofd her to be\\nseated and to turn her back to me I made her get half-\\nundressed. Then I put my room in order around her\\nas formerly for my mistress. I placed the armchairs\\nwhere they were on a certain evening that I recalled.\\nGenerally, in all our ideas of happiness there is a certain\\nmemory that dominates a day, an hour that surpassed\\nall the others, or, if not, that was the type and inefface-\\nable model for them a moment comes, amid all that,\\nwhen man has exclaimed, like Theodore in Lope de", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0117.jp2"}, "112": {"fulltext": "8 4\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nVega\u00e2\u0080\u0099s comedy: \u00e2\u0080\u009cFortune drive a gold nail in your\\nwheel.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nHaving thus arranged everything, I kindled a great\\nfire, and, seating myself on my heels, I began to feel\\nintoxicated with an unbounded despair, I went down\\ninto the bottom of my heart, to feel it twist and con-\\ntract. Yet I murmured in my head a Tyrolean romance\\nthat my mistress was incessantly singing\\nAltra volta gieri biele,\\nBlanch\u00e2\u0080\u0099 e rossa com\u00e2\u0080\u0099 un\u00e2\u0080\u0099 flore\\nMa ora no. Non son piii biele,\\nConsumatis dal\u00e2\u0080\u0099 amore I 2\\nI heard the echo of that poor romance resound in the\\ndesert of my heart. I said That is man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s happiness;\\nthat is my little paradise that is my Fairy Mab, that a\\ngirl of the streets. My mistress is worth no more.\\nThat is what one finds at the bottom of the glass from\\nwhich one has drunk the nectar of the gods that is the\\ncorpse of love.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThe unfortunate one, hearing me sing, began to sing\\nalso. I became as pale as death at this for that rough\\nand ignoble voice, emerging from that being that resem-\\nbled my mistress, seemed to me like a symbol of what I\\nwas experiencing. It was debauch personified that was\\nthickening the words in her throat, amid a blooming\\nyouth. It seemed to me that my mistress, since her", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0118.jp2"}, "113": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n85\\nperfidy, must have a voice like that. I remembered\\nFaust, who, dancing at the Brocken with a naked young\\nsorceress, saw a red mouse emerge from her mouth.\\nSilence I called to her. I arose and approached\\nher; she seated herself smiling on my bed, and I\\nstretched myself beside her like my own statue on my\\ntomb.\\nI ask you, you, men of the age, who, at this present\\nhour, are rushing to your pleasures, to the ball or to the\\nopera, and who, this evening, when you lie down, read\\nyourselves to sleep with some hackneyed blasphemy of\\nold Voltaire\u00e2\u0080\u0099s, some reasoning trifle of Paul-Louis\\nCourier, some speech on economics of a committee of\\nour Chambers, who, in a word, respire, through some\\none of your pores, the cold substances of that monstrous\\nwater-lily which Reason plants in the heart of our\\ncities I ask you, if perchance this obscure book should\\nfall into your hands, not to smile with a lofty disdain,\\nnot to shrug your shoulders too much do not say to\\nyourselves too assuredly that I am complaining of an\\nimaginary evil that after all, human reason is the finest\\nof our faculties, and that there is no truth here below\\nbut the stock-jobbing of the Bourse, gambling dens,\\nBordeaux table wine, good health of body, indifference\\nto others, and in the evening, in bed, limber muscles\\ncovered with a perfumed skin.\\nFor some day, amid your stagnant and motionless\\nlife, a gale of wind may pass. Those fine trees that", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0119.jp2"}, "114": {"fulltext": "86\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nyou water with the tranquil waters of your rivers of for-\\ngetfulness, Providence may blow over them you may\\nbe in despair, you impassible men; there are tears in\\nyour eyes. I will not tell you that your mistresses may\\nbetray you that is not to you so painful a thing as\\nwhen one of your horses dies but I will tell you that\\npeople lose at the Bourse, that when people play a\\ntrump, they may meet a higher and, if you do not play,\\nremember that your crowns, your moneyed peace, your\\ngold and silver happiness are with a banker who may\\nfail or in public funds that may not pay I will tell you\\nthat, in fine, cold though you be, you can love some-\\nthing a fibre in the depths of your entrails may be\\ndistended, and you may utter a cry resembling that of\\npain. Some day, wandering in the muddy streets, when\\nmaterial enjoyments will no longer be there to occupy\\nyour indolent powers, when the real and the daily will\\nbe wanting to you, you may perchance come to look\\naround you with hollow cheeks, and to seat yourself on\\na deserted bench at midnight.\\nO men of marble, sublime egoists, inimitable reason-\\ners, who have never been guilty of an act of despair or\\nof an error in arithmetic, if that ever happens to you,\\nat the time of your ruin, recall Abelard when he had\\nlost Heloise. For he loved her more than you do your\\nhorses, your gold crowns and your mistresses for he\\nhad lost, in separating from her, more than you will\\never lose, more than your Prince Satan himself would", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0120.jp2"}, "115": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n87\\nlose by falling a second time from heaven for he loved\\nher with a certain love of which the newspapers do\\nnot speak, and the shadow of which your wives and\\ndaughters do not observe on our stages and in our\\nbooks for he had spent half his life in kissing her on\\nher fair brow, in teaching her to sing the psalms of\\nDavid and the canticles of Saul for he had only her\\nupon earth and yet God consoled him.\\nBelieve me, when in your distress you think of Abe-\\nlard you will not see with the same eye the mild blas-\\nphemies of old Voltaire and Courier\u00e2\u0080\u0099s triflings you\\nwill feel that human reason can heal illusions, but not\\nheal sufferings; that God has made it a good house-\\nkeeper, but not a Sister of Charity. You will find that\\nthe heart of man when he said \u00e2\u0080\u009cI believe in nothing,\\nfor I see nothing,\u00e2\u0080\u009d had not said its last word. You\\nwill seek around you something like a hope you will\\ngo to throw back the church doors to see whether they\\nstill move, but you will find them walled up you will\\nthink of becoming Trappists, and the destiny that\\ntaunts you will answer you with a bottle of wine of the\\npeople and a courtesan.\\nAnd if you drink the bottle, if you take the courtesan\\nand bring her to your bed, know what may come of it.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0121.jp2"}, "116": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0122.jp2"}, "117": {"fulltext": "PART SECOND", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0123.jp2"}, "118": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0124.jp2"}, "119": {"fulltext": "PART SECOND\\nI\\nOn awaking next day I felt so profound a disgust\\nfor myself, I found myself so abased, so degraded in\\nmy own eyes, that a horrible temptation seized me on\\nthe first impulse. I bounded out of bed, I ordered\\nthe creature to dress and to leave as soon as possible;\\nthen I sat down, and, as I surveyed the walls of my\\nroom with desolate looks, my eyes stopped mechanically\\ntowards the corner where my pistols hung.\\nAt the very time when suffering thought advances, as\\nit were, with outstretched arms towards annihilation,\\nwhen our soul adopts a violent decision, it seems that,\\nin the physical action of taking down a weapon, of\\ngetting it ready, in the very coldness of the iron, there\\n9 1", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0125.jp2"}, "120": {"fulltext": "92\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nis a material horror, independent of the will the fin-\\ngers adjust themselves with anguish, the arm becomes\\nstiff. Whenever a man walks to death, entire nature\\nrecoils in him. Thus I cannot express what I felt while\\nthat girl was dressing, unless it were as if my pistol had\\nsaid to me Think of what you are going to do.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nSince then, indeed, I have often thought of what\\nwould have happened to me if, as I wanted, the creature\\nhad dressed in haste and retired at once. No doubt the\\nfirst effect of shame would have been calmed sorrow is\\nnot despair, and God has united them as brothers, so\\nthat one should never leave us alone with the other.\\nOnce the air of my room was free from that woman, my\\nheart would have been comforted. There would have\\nremained to me only repentance, and the angel of\\ncelestial pardon forbids repentance to kill. But no\\ndoubt, at least, I was cured for life debauch was for-\\never driven from my threshold, and I would never again\\nincur the feeling of horror with which her first visit had\\ninspired me.\\nBut it happened quite otherwise. The struggle that\\nwas taking place in me, the poignant reflections that\\nwere overwhelming me, disgust, fear, wrath itself for I\\nfelt a thousand things at one and the same time all\\nthese fatal powers nailed me to my armchair; and,\\nwhile I was thus a prey to the most dangerous delirium,\\nthe creature, leaning in front of the mirror, only\\nthought of adjusting her dress as best she could, and", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0126.jp2"}, "121": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n93\\narranged her hair with the most tranquil smile in the\\nworld. All that by-play of coquetry lasted over a quar-\\nter of an hour, during which I had almost come to for-\\nget her. At last, at every sound she made, turning\\naround impatiently, I begged her to leave me alone in\\na tone of wrath so marked that she was ready in a\\nmoment, and turned the door-knob as she threw me a\\nkiss.\\nAt the same instant some one knocked at the outer\\ndoor. I arose precipitately, and had only time to open\\nfor the creature a closet into which she rushed. Des-\\ngenais entered almost immediately with two young men\\nof the neighborhood.\\nThose great water currents that we find in the midst\\nof seas resemble certain events in life. Fatality,\\nChance, Providence, what matters the name? Those\\nwho think they deny the one, by opposing to it the\\nother, only abuse language. There is not, however, one\\nof those very men who, in speaking of Caesar or of\\nNapoleon, does not say naturally He was the man of\\nProvidence.\u00e2\u0080\u009d They apparently believe that heroes\\nalone are worthy of having Heaven concerned about\\nthem, and that the color of purple attracts the gods as\\nit does bulls.\\nAs for what is decided here below by the most trifling\\nthings, as to what changes in our fortune are brought\\nabout by apparently the least important circumstances,\\nthere is not, to my mind, a deeper abyss for thought.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0127.jp2"}, "122": {"fulltext": "94\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nIt is with our ordinary actions as with little blunted\\narrows that we accustom ourselves to speed to the target,\\nor almost so, so that we come to make of all these small\\nresults an abstract and regular being that we call our\\nprudence or our will. Then a gust of wind passes, and,\\nbehold, the smallest, the lightest, the most futile of\\nthese arrows rises out of sight beyond the horizon into\\nthe immense bosom of God.\\nWhat violence then takes possession of us What\\nbecomes of those phantoms of tranquil pride, the will\\nand prudence? Force itself, that mistress of the world,\\nthat sword of man in the battle of life, it is in vain that\\nwe brandish it wrathfully, that we try to cover ourselves\\nwith it so as to escape a blow that threatens us an\\ninvisible hand turns its edge aside, and the whole force\\nof our effort, turned into the void, serves only to make\\nus fall farther on.\\nThus, at the moment when I was aiming only at clear-\\ning myself of the error that I had been guilty of, per-\\nhaps even of punishing myself for it, at the very instant\\nwhen a profound horror was taking possession of me, I\\nlearned that I had to bear a dangerous trial to which I\\nsuccumbed.\\nDesgenais was in the best of spirits stretching him-\\nself on the sofa, he began with some bantering regarding\\nmy countenance, which, he said, had not slept well.\\nAs I was far from well disposed to bear his pleasantries,\\nI curtly entreated him to spare me them.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0128.jp2"}, "123": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n95\\nHe did not seem in a humor to pay any attention to\\nthis but, in the same tone, he approached the subject\\nthat brought him. He came to tell me that my mistress\\nhad not only had two lovers at the same time, but three,\\nthat is, that she had treated my rival as badly as me\\nwhich the poor youth having learned, he made a terri-\\nble fuss about it, and all Paris knew it. I at first rather\\nimperfectly understood what he said to me, not- having\\nlistened attentively but when, after having got him to\\nrepeat it as many as three times in the most minute\\ndetail, I had become thoroughly acquainted with the\\nfacts of this terrible history, I remained abashed and so\\nstunned that I could not answer. My first impulse was\\nto laugh at it, for I saw clearly that I had loved only the\\nlowest of women but it was none the less true that I\\nhad loved her, and, to express it more clearly, that I\\nloved her still. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIs it possible?\u00e2\u0080\u009d that is all I could\\nfind to say.\\nDesgenais\u00e2\u0080\u0099s friends then confirmed all that he had\\nsaid. It was in her own house that my mistress, taken\\nby surprise between her two lovers, had on her part\\nexperienced a scene that everybody knew by heart.\\nShe was dishonored, obliged to leave Paris, unless she\\nwanted to expose herself to the most cruel scandal.\\nIt was easy for me to see that in all these pleasantries\\nthere was a good share of ridicule thrown in regarding\\nmy duel about that same woman, my invincible passion\\nfor her, in fine, regarding my entire conduct in respect", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0129.jp2"}, "124": {"fulltext": "9 6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nto her. To say that she merited the most odious names,\\nthat she was, after all, only a wretch who had, perhaps,\\ndone something a hundred times worse than what was\\nknown of her, was to make me feel bitterly that I was\\nbut a dupe like so many others.\\nAll that did not please me the young men, who took\\nnotice of it, were discreet about it but Desgenais had\\nhis plans he had taken it on himself as a task to heal\\nme of my love, and he treated it pitilessly as a malady.\\nA long friendship, founded on mutual services, gave him\\nrights and, as his motive seemed to him laudable, he\\ndid not hesitate to exercise them.\\nNot only, then, did he not spare me, but, from the\\nmoment that he saw my trouble and my shame, he did\\neverything in the world to push me along that road as\\nfar as he could. My impatience soon became too obvious\\nto allow him to continue he stopped then and adopted\\nthe part of silence, which irritated me even more.\\nIn my turn I put questions I walked hither and\\nthither through the room. It had been unbearable to\\nme to listen to that story being told; I would have\\nliked some one to repeat it to me. I strov\u00e2\u0080\u0099e to as-\\nsume sometimes a laughing air, sometimes a tranquil\\nmien but it was in vain. Desgenais had suddenly\\nbecome mute, after having shown himself as a most\\ndetestable gabbler. While I was walking with long\\nstrides, he was looking at me with indifference, and\\nleft me to toil in the room like a fox in the menagerie.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0130.jp2"}, "125": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 97\\nI cannot tell what I felt. A woman who had for so\\nlong a time been the idol of my heart, and who, since\\nI had lost her, caused me such keen suffering, the only\\none whom I had loved, she whom I wanted to weep for\\nuntil death, become all of a sudden shameless and\\nbrazen-faced, the subject of young men\u00e2\u0080\u0099s by-talk, of\\nuniversal censure and scandal It seemed to me that\\nI was feeling on my shoulder the impression of a red-\\nhot iron, and that I was marked with a burning stigma.\\nThe more I reflected, the more I felt night thicken\\naround me. From time to time I turned my head\\naround and I perceived a glacial smile or a look of\\ncuriosity that was watching me. Desgenais did not\\nleave me he clearly understood what he was doing\\nwe knew each other for a long time he was well aware\\nthat I was capable of every folly, and that the exalta-\\ntion of my character might draw me beyond all bounds,\\nin any direction whatever, except in a single one. That\\nis why he belittled my suffering and appealed from my\\nhead to my heart.\\nWhen at last he saw me at the point to which he\\ndesired to bring me, he no longer delayed inflicting\\nthe last blow on me. Does the story displease you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nhe said to me. Here is the best, which is the end\\nof it. It is, my dear Octave, that the scene at \u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\ntook place on a certain night when the moon was\\nshining brightly now, while the two lovers were quar-\\nreling their best at the lady\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house, and talking of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0131.jp2"}, "126": {"fulltext": "9 8\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ncutting each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s throats at the side of a good fire,\\nit appears that in the street was seen a shadow which\\nwas moving very quietly, and which resembled you so\\nvery closely that it was concluded it was you.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWho has said so?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied; \u00e2\u0080\u009cwho saw me in the\\nstreet\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYour mistress herself; she tells it to whoever\\nwants to hear it, quite as gayly as we tell you her own\\nhistory. She holds that you love her still, that you\\nmount guard at her door, in fine, all that you\\nthink but it suffices for you to know that she speaks\\nof it publicly.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI have never been able to lie, and, every time that\\nit has happened to me to want to disguise the truth,\\nmy countenance has always betrayed me. Pride, the\\nshame of acknowledging my weakness before witnesses,\\nled me, however, to make an effort. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt is quite\\ncertain,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, moreover, that I was in\\nthe street. But if I had known that my mistress was\\nstill worse than I believed her to be, no doubt I would\\nnot have been there.\u00e2\u0080\u009d At last I persuaded myself that\\nI could not have been seen distinctly I endeavored to\\ndeny. The color mounted to my countenance with\\nsuch force that I myself felt the uselessness of my feign-\\ning. Desgenais smiled at it. \u00e2\u0080\u009cTake care,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to\\nhim, take care let us not go too far\\nI continued walking like a madman, I did not know\\nwhom to blame. It would have been right to laugh,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0132.jp2"}, "127": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n99\\nand that was still more impossible. At the same time,\\nevident signs taught me my failing I was convinced.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cBut did I know it?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009cdid I\\nknow that that wretched woman\\nDesgenais bit his lip as if to signify You knew it\\nwell enough.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI stopped short, at every moment stammering a\\nridiculous phrase. My blood, excited for the past\\nquarter of an hour, began to beat in my temples with\\na force to which I was no longer equal.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI in the street, bathed in tears, in despair! and at\\nthat moment this meeting in her house What that\\nvery night jeered at by her she to jeer Verily,\\nDesgenais are you not dreaming Is it true is it\\npossible What do you know about it\\nThus speaking at random, I lost my head and\\nduring that time an insurmountable wrath dominated\\nme ever more and more. At last I sat down exhausted,\\nmy hands trembling.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMy friend,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Desgenais to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cdo not take\\nthe matter seriously. This solitary life that you have\\nbeen leading for the past two months is doing you\\nmuch harm I see it, you need diversions. Come\\nthis evening and have supper with us, and to-morrow,\\ndinner in the country.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThe tone in which he spoke these words did me more\\nharm than all else. I felt that I was exciting his pity,\\nJ and that he was treating me as a child.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0133.jp2"}, "128": {"fulltext": "IOO\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nMotionless, sitting apart, I was making vain efforts\\nto gain some control over myself. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat I thought,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cbetrayed by that woman, poisoned with horrible advice,\\nhaving nowhere found a refuge, neither in work nor in\\nfatigue when I have, at the age of twenty, as my only\\nsafeguard against despair and corruption, a holy and\\nfearful sorrow, O God it is this very sorrow, this\\nsacred relic of my suffering, that they have just broken\\nin my hands It is not my love, it is my despair that\\nthey insult To jeer she to jeer, when I am weep-\\ning That seemed to me incredible. All the memo-\\nries of the past flowed back to my heart when I thought\\nof it. I seemed to see arise one after another the\\nspectres of our nights of love they were leaning over\\na bottomless, eternal abyss, black as oblivion and\\nover the depths of the abyss vibrated a sweet and\\nmocking burst of laughter Behold your reward\\nIf they had only told me that the world was mocking\\nme, I would have replied \u00e2\u0080\u009cSo much the worse for it,\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nand would not have been otherwise grieved but they\\ntold me at the same time that my mistress was only\\na wretch. Thus, on the one hand, the ridicule was\\npublic, averred, corroborated by two witnesses who,\\nbefore relating what they had seen, could not fail to\\nsay on what occasion the world was right, I was\\nwrong; and, on the other hand, what answer could I\\nmake to it? on what could I depend? wherein shut\\nmyself up what do, when the centre of my life, my", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0134.jp2"}, "129": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nIOI\\nheart itself, was ruined, slain, annihilated What am\\nI saying? when that woman, for whom I would have\\nbraved everything, ridicule as well as blame, for whom\\nI would have let a mountain of misery be heaped upon\\nme when that woman, whom I loved, and who loved\\nanother, and whom I did not ask to love me, of whom\\nI wanted nothing but permission to weep at her door,\\nnothing but, far from her, to devote my youth to her\\nmemory, and to write her name, her name only, on the\\ntomb of my hopes Ah when I thought of it I\\nfelt myself dying it was that woman who jeered me\\nit was she who, the first, pointed a finger at me, pointed\\nme out to that idle multitude, to that empty and irksome\\npeople, that goes about chuckling around all that con-\\ntemns it and forgets it it was she, it was from her lips\\nso often sealed to mine, it was from that body, from\\nthat soul of my life, my flesh and my blood, it was\\nthence that came the insult, yes, the last of all, the\\nmost cowardly and the most bitter, laughter without\\npity, that spits in the face of grief.\\nThe more I penetrated into my thoughts, the more my\\nwrath increased. Is it wrath I must call it? for I know\\nnot what name is borne by the feeling that was agitating\\nme. What is certain is that a disordered thirst for ven-\\ngeance gained the upper hand of me. And how be\\navenged on a woman I would have paid whatever was\\nasked to have at my disposal a weapon that could strike\\nher down; but what weapon? I had none, not even", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0135.jp2"}, "130": {"fulltext": "102\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthat which she had used I could not answer her in her\\nown language.\\nSuddenly I perceived a shadow behind the curtain of\\nthe glass door it was the creature who was waiting in\\nthe closet.\\nI had forgotten her. Listen I exclaimed to my-\\nself, as I arose in a transport; \u00e2\u0080\u009cI have loved, I have\\nloved like a madman, like a simpleton. I have deserved\\nall the ridicule that you desire. But, by Heaven I\\nmust show you something which will prove to you that\\nI am not yet so stupid as you believe.\\nAs I said this I struck my foot against the glass door,\\nwhich gave way I showed them that girl who had been\\ncowering in a corner.\\nGo in there, then,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to Desgenais; \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou who\\nfind me madly in love with one woman and who love\\nonly the girls, do you not see your supreme wisdom\\nstretched out there in that armchair? Ask her if my\\nentire night has been spent under \u00e2\u0080\u0099s windows;\\nshe will tell you something about it. But that is not\\nall,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I added, \u00e2\u0080\u009cit is not all that I have to tell you.\\nYou have a supper this evening, to-morrow a country-\\nparty I am going, and believe me, for I will not leave\\nyou from now until then. We will not separate, we are\\ngoing to spend the day together you will have fencing,\\ncards, dice, punch, what you will, but you will not get\\naway from it. Are you with me Iam at your service\\ndone I wanted to make my heart the mausoleum of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0136.jp2"}, "131": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n103\\nmy love but I will cast my love into another tomb, O\\nGod of Justice when I ought to bury it in my heart.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAt these words I sat down again, while they went into\\nthe closet, and I felt how the indignation that comforts\\nitself may give us joy. As for him who may be aston-\\nished that from that day I completely changed my life,\\nhe does not know man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s heart, and he does not know\\nthat one may hesitate twenty years about taking a step,\\nbut will not retrace it once he has taken it.\\n11\\nApprenticeship in debauch is like a vertigo in it, at\\nfirst one experiences an indescribable terror mingled\\nwith pleasure, as if on a high tower. While shameful\\nand secret libertinage degrades the noblest man, in free\\nand bold disorder, in what we may call debauch in\\nbroad daylight, there is some grandeur, even to the most\\ndepraved. He who, at nightfall, goes off, his cloak over\\nhis nose, incognito, to soil his life and clandestinely to\\nthrow off the hypocrisy of the day, resembles an Italian\\nwho strikes his enemy from behind, not daring to pro-\\nvoke him to a duel. Assassination lurks in boundary\\ncorners and in expectation of night; while, in the chaser\\nafter noisy orgies, one would almost conceive a warrior it", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0137.jp2"}, "132": {"fulltext": "104\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nis something that smacks of fight, an appearance of superb\\ncontest. \u00e2\u0080\u009cEverybody does it, and keeps it quiet; do it,\\nand do not keep it quiet.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Thus speaks Pride, and, once\\nthis cuirass is put on, it is the sun that shines there again.\\nIt is related that Damocles saw a sword hanging over\\nhis head; it is thus that libertines seem to have over\\nthem a something indescribable which is incessantly\\ncalling out to them: \u00e2\u0080\u009cGo, go ever; I am holding on\\nto a thread.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Those masquerade carriages that one\\nsees in Carnival time are the faithful image of their\\nlife. A broken-down coach, open to the four winds,\\nflamboyant torches illuminating powdered heads those\\nlaugh, these sing in the midst move figures somewhat\\nlike women they are indeed remains of women, with\\nalmost human semblance. They are caressed, they are\\ninsulted one knows neither their names, nor who they\\nare. All that floats and hovers under the flaming rosin,\\nin an intoxication that thinks of nothing, and over\\nwhich, it is said, a God watches. They have the appear-\\nance, at moments, of leaning over and embracing\\nthere is one of them that has fallen in a jolt what\\nmatters it? one comes from thence, one goes thither,\\nand the horses gallop.\\nBut if the first impulse is astonishment, the second is\\nhorror, and the third pity. There is there, in effect,\\nso much force, or rather so strange an abuse of force,\\nthat it often happens that the noblest characters and\\nthe finest organizations allow themselves to be caught", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0138.jp2"}, "133": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n105\\nin it. That seems to them bold and dangerous they\\nthus make themselves prodigal of themselves they\\nattach themselves to debauch like Mazeppa to his wild\\nbeast they bind themselves fast to it, they make them-\\nselves Centaurs and they see neither the pathway ol\\nblood marked by the shreds of their flesh on the trees,\\nnor the eyes of the red-stained wolves that follow in\\ntheir track, nor the desert, nor the crows.\\nLaunched on that life by the circumstances that I\\nhave mentioned, now I have to tell what I saw there.\\nThe first time that I had a close view of those noto-\\nrious assemblies that we call theatrical masked balls,\\nI had heard the debauches of the Regency spoken of,\\nand a queen of France disguised as a dealer in violets.\\nThere I found dealers in violets disguised as sutlers. I\\nexpected libertinism, but in truth there is none of it\\nthere. Filth, blows, and girls dead drunk on broken\\nbottles, is not libertinism.\\nThe first time that I saw table debauches, I had heard\\nmention made of the suppers of Heliogabalus, and of\\na Grecian philosopher who had made of the pleasures\\nof the senses a sort of natural religion. I expected\\nsomething like forgetfulness, if not like joy; I found\\nthere what is worst in the world, tedium trying to live,\\nand Englishmen who said to themselves: \u00e2\u0080\u009cI do this\\nor that, then I amuse myself. I have paid so many\\ngold pieces, therefore I enjoy so much pleasure. And\\nthey spend their life on this millstone.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0139.jp2"}, "134": {"fulltext": "io6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nThe first time that I saw courtesans, I had heard men-\\ntion made of Aspasia, who sat down on Alcibiades\u00e2\u0080\u0099 knee\\nwhile discussing with Socrates. I expected something\\ngiddy, insolent, but yet gay, brave, and vivacious, some-\\nthing like the sparkling of champagne; I found a yawn-\\ning mouth, a staring eye, and crooked hands.\\nThe first time that I saw titled courtesans, I had\\nread Boccaccio and Bandello above all, I had read\\nShakespeare. I had dreamt of those frisky beauties, of\\nthose cherubs of hell, of those female high livers full\\nof graceful movement to whom the cavaliers of the\\nDecameron offer holy water as they are going away\\nfrom Mass. I had a thousand times sketched those\\nheads so poetically silly, so inventive in their audacity,\\nof those mad-brained mistresses that unfold to you a\\nwhole romance in a glance, and that walk in life only\\nby waves and shocks, like undulating sirens. I remem-\\nbered those fairies of the Nouvelles Nouvelles, who are\\never tipsy from love, if they are not drunk from it. I\\nfound female scribblers, arrangers of rendezvous, setters\\nof precise hours, who know only how to lie to strangers\\nand to bury their baseness in their hypocrisy, and who\\nsee in all that only something to give themselves up\\nto and to forget.\\nThe first time that I entered a gambling house, I had\\nheard mention made of oceans of gold, of fortunes made\\nin a quarter of an hour, and of a lord of the court of\\nHenri IV. who won on one card a hundred thousand", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0140.jp2"}, "135": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n107\\ncrowns at the cost of his coat. I found a wardrobe\\ndealer\u00e2\u0080\u0099s where workmen, who have only a single shirt,\\nhire a coat at twenty sous an evening, gendarmes seated\\nat the door, and famished men gambling a slice of\\nbread against a pistol shot.\\nThe first time that I saw any assembly whatever,\\npublic or not, open to any one of the thirty thousand\\nwomen who, in Paris, are permitted to sell themselves,\\nI had heard mention made of the saturnalia of all times,\\nof all the orgies possible, from Babylon to Rome, from\\nthe temple of Priapus to the Parc-aux-Cerfs, and on the\\nthreshold of the door I had always seen a single word\\nwritten: \u00e2\u0080\u009cPleasure.\u00e2\u0080\u009d No longer do I find in this\\ntime but a single word Prostitution and I have\\nalways seen it there ineffaceable, not engraved on that\\nproud metal which bears the color of the sun, but on\\nthe palest of all, that which the cold light of night\\nseems to have tinted with its wan rays, silver.\\nThe first time that I saw the people it was on a\\nfrightful morning, on an Ash Wednesday, on the slope\\nof La Courtille. Since the evening before, a fine and\\nglacial rain was falling the streets were pools of mud.\\nThe masquerade carriages were filing off pell-mell,\\nbumping, rubbing against one another, between two\\nlong hedges of hideous men and women, standing on\\nthe sidewalk. This wall of sinister spectators had, in\\ntheir wine-reddened eyes, a tiger hatred. For the dis-\\ntance of a league all grumbled, whilst the carriage wheels", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0141.jp2"}, "136": {"fulltext": "io8\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ngrazed their breasts without making them move a step\\nbackwards. I was standing on the bench, the carriage\\nbeing open from time to time a man in rags came\\nout of the hedge, vomited a torrent of insults in our\\nface, then threw a cloud of flour at us. Ere long we\\nreceived mud yet we continued to mount, reaching\\nL\u00e2\u0080\u0099lle-d\u00e2\u0080\u0099 Amour and the pretty wood of Romainville,\\nwhere so many sweet embraces on the grass were for-\\nmerly given. One of our friends, seated on the bench,\\nat the risk of being killed, fell on the pavement. The\\npeople rushed at him to club him to death it was\\nnecessary to run thither and surround him. One of\\nthe trumpeters, who preceded us on horseback, was hit\\nwith a paving-stone on the shoulder flour failed. I had\\nnever heard mention made of anything like that.\\nI began to understand the age and to know in what\\ntime we are living.\\nin\\nDesgenais had organized a gathering of young men\\nat his country-house. The best wines, a splendid table,\\ncards, dancing, horse-racing, nothing was wanting to\\nit. Desgenais was rich and of great magnificence. He\\nhad an old-time hospitality with manners of the pres-\\nent time. Moreover, one found the best books at his", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0142.jp2"}, "137": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n109\\nhouse his conversation was that of an educated and\\nwell-bred man. That man was a problem.\\nI had brought to his house a taciturn humor that\\nnothing could overcome he respected it scrupulously.\\nI did not answer his questions, he asked me no more\\nthe important thing to him was that I had forgotten my\\nmistress. Yet I went to the hunt, I showed myself at\\ntable as good a guest as the others; he did not ask\\nmore of me.\\nThere are not wanting in the world such folks, who\\ntake it to heart to do you a service, and who would\\nremorselessly throw the heaviest paving-stone at you\\nto crush the fly that is annoying you. They are anx-\\nious only to keep you from doing evil, that is, they\\nare uneasy unless they have made you like them-\\nselves. Having attained this end, no matter by what\\nmeans, they rub their hands, and the idea does not\\noccur to them that you might have fallen from bad to\\nworse all that from honest friendship.\\nOne of the great misfortunes of inexperienced youth\\nis to picture the world according to the first objects\\nthat strike it but, it must be acknowledged, there\\nis also a race of very unfortunate men they are those\\nwho, in such case, are always there to say to youth\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou are right in believing in evil, and we know\\nwhat there is of it. I have heard, for example, some-\\nthing singular spoken of: it was, as it were, a mean\\nbetween good and evil, a certain arrangement between", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0143.jp2"}, "138": {"fulltext": "I 10\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nheartless women and men worthy of them they called\\nthat passing sentiment. They spoke of it as of a steam\\nengine invented by a coach-builder or a building con-\\ntractor. They said to me: People are agreed on\\nthis or on that, people pronounce such phrases as call\\nfor such others in answer, people write letters in such\\na way, people kneel in such another.\u00e2\u0080\u009d All that was\\nregulated like a parade those good people had gray\\nhair.\\nThat made me laugh. Unfortunately for me, I can-\\nnot tell a woman whom I despise that I love her, even\\nwhile knowing that it is conventional and that she will\\nnot be misled thereby. I have never bent my knee\\nwithout yielding my heart. So, that class of women\\nwhom we call easy, is unknown to me, or, if I have\\nallowed myself to be taken with them, it is without\\nknowing it and from simplicity.\\nI understand that one may put his soul aside, but not\\nthat one touches it. That there may be pride in saying\\nso, is possible I mean neither to boast nor to belittle\\nmyself. I hate, above all, women who laugh at love\\nand allow them to love me in turn there will never be\\nany dispute between us.\\nThose women are far below courtesans courtesans\\nmay lie, and those women also but courtesans can\\nlove, and those women cannot. I remember a woman\\nwho loved me, and who told a man, three times richer\\nthan I, with whom she was living \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou weary me, I", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0144.jp2"}, "139": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nhi\\nam going to find my lover.\u00e2\u0080\u009d That girl was worth more\\nthan many others whom one does not pay.\\nI spent the entire season at Desgenais\u00e2\u0080\u0099, where I\\nlearned that my mistress had gone away, and that she\\nhad left France this news gave to my heart a languor\\nthat has never left me.\\nAt the sight of that world so new to me which I had\\naround me in that country, I felt myself at first taken\\nwith an odd sort of curiosity, sad and profound, that\\nmade me look crosswise like a skittish horse. This is\\nthe first thing that gave occasion to it. Desgenais had\\nthen a very pretty mistress, who loved him dearly one\\nevening as I was walking with him, I said to him that I\\nfound her such as she was, that is, admirable, as well\\nfor her beauty as for her attachment to him. In short,\\nI eulogized her with warmth, and gave him to under-\\nstand that he ought to be happy on her account.\\nHe made no answer. It was his way, and I knew\\nhim to be the driest of men. Night having come, and\\neach having retired, a quarter of an hour after I had\\ngone to bed I heard a knocking on my door. I called\\nout to my visitor to come in, thinking it was some one\\ntroubled with insomnia.\\nI saw a woman enter, paler than death, half-naked\\nand with a bouquet in her hand. She came and pre-\\nsented to me her bouquet; a piece of paper was attached\\nto it, on which I found these few words To Octave,\\nhis friend Desgenais, on account of revenge.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0145.jp2"}, "140": {"fulltext": "1 1 2\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI had no sooner read that than a flash crossed my\\nmind. I understood all that there was in this action of\\nDesgenais, in thus sending me his mistress and making\\nher a sort of Turkish present to me, from some words I\\nhad said to him. From the character that I knew him\\nto have, there was in that neither ostentation of gener-\\nosity nor trait of rakishness there was only a lesson.\\nThat woman loved him I had praised her to him, and\\nhe wanted to teach me not to love her, whether I should\\ntake her or refuse her.\\nThat set me thinking that poor girl wept, and dared\\nnot wipe her tears, afraid lest I should notice them.\\nWith what had he threatened her so as to make her\\ncome? I did not know. \u00e2\u0080\u009cMademoiselle,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to\\nher, you need not grieve. Go to your room and fear\\nnothing.\u00e2\u0080\u009d She answered that, if she left my room\\nbefore next morning, Desgenais would send her back\\nto Paris that her mother was poor, and that she could\\nnot make up her mind to it. \u00e2\u0080\u009cVery well,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to\\nher, your mother is poor, probably you are also, so\\nthat you would obey Desgenais if I wished. You are\\nbeautiful, and that might tempt me. But you are\\nweeping, and, your tears not being for me, I have\\nonly to do the rest. Go, and I will see to preventing\\nyour being sent back to Paris.\\nA thing that is peculiar to me is that meditation,\\nwhich, with the greater number, is a firm and con-\\nstant quality of the mind, is in me only an instinct", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0146.jp2"}, "141": {"fulltext": "^art (tfljapter\\nI saw a woman enter paler than death half -naked and\\nwith a bouquet in her hand. She came and presented to\\nme her bouquet a piece of paper was attached to it on\\nwhich I found these few words: To Octave his friend\\nDesgenais, on account of revenge", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0147.jp2"}, "142": {"fulltext": "555 J3tp(f\u00c2\u00a9 tfnor) ttBtjf\\nka ss swwas ssswA\\nWs MVas\\nV$ C tafo Wft ZftVUS *\\\\o s\\n\\\\mV*\\\\w .^sstoO o\\\\\u00e2\u0080\u009c \u00e2\u0080\u0099.itamws\\nt, .VfcjRVMr*\u00e2\u0080\u0099\\\\s $so ,i$\u00c2\u00bb\u00c2\u00abv^A.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0148.jp2"}, "143": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0149.jp2"}, "144": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0150.jp2"}, "145": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0153.jp2"}, "146": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0154.jp2"}, "147": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n113\\nindependent of my will, which seizes me by fits like a\\nviolent passion. It comes to me at intervals, at its time,\\nin spite of myself, and no matter where. But wherever\\nit comes, I am powerless against it. It draws me\\nwhither it seems good to it and on what road it\\npleases.\\nThat woman having left, I assumed a sitting posture.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMy friend,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009cbehold what God\\nsends you. If Desgenais had not wanted to give you\\nhis mistress, he was not perhaps mistaken in believing\\nthat you would have fallen in love with her.\\nHave you looked at her aright A sublime and\\ndivine mystery was accomplished in the entrails that\\nconceived her. Such a being costs nature her most\\nvigilant maternal regard yet the man who wants to\\ncure you has found nothing better than to force you\\nto her lips in order there to unlearn how to love.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cHow is that done Others than you have no doubt\\nadmired her, but they ran no risk she could try on\\nthem all the seductions that she wished you alone\\nwere in danger.\\nIt must be, however, whatever be his life, that this\\nDesgenais has a heart, since he lives. In what does he\\ndiffer from you He is a man who believes in nothing,\\nfears nothing, who has neither care nor weariness, per-\\nhaps, and it is clear that a slight prick on the heel\\nwould fill him with terror for, if his body abandoned\\nhim, what would become of him? There is nothing", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0155.jp2"}, "148": {"fulltext": "THE CONFESSION OF A\\n114\\nliving in him but the body. What, then, is this crea-\\nture who treats his soul as the Flagellants treat their\\nflesh Is it that one can live without a head\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cThink of that. There is a man who holds in his\\narms the most beautiful woman in the world he is\\nyoung and ardent he finds her beautiful, he tells her\\nso she answers that she loves him. Thereupon, some\\none slaps him on the shoulder and says to him She\\nis dissolute.\u00e2\u0080\u0099 Nothing more; he is sure of her. If\\none had said to him: She is a poisoner,\u00e2\u0080\u0099 he would,\\nperhaps, have loved her, he would not give her a single\\nkiss the less; but she is a jade, and there will be no\\nmore question of love than of the star Saturn.\\nWhat, then, is that word a just, merited, positive,\\ndishonoring, understood word. But, in fine, what? a\\nword, nevertheless. Does one kill a body with a word\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd if you, aye you, love that body? One pours\\nout a glass of wine for you, and one says to you 4 Do\\nnot love that, one gets four of them for six francs.\\nAnd if you become tipsy?\u00e2\u0080\u0099\\n44 But this Desgenais loves his mistress, since he pays\\nher he has, then, a particular way of loving No,\\nhe has nothing of the sort his way of loving is not\\nlove, and he feels it no more for the woman who merits\\nit than for her who is unworthy of it. He loves no\\none, that is all.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWho, then, has brought him to that? was he born\\nthus, or has he become so To love is as natural as to", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0156.jp2"}, "149": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n115\\ndrink and to eat. He is not a man. Is he an abor-\\ntion or a giant What always sure of that impassible\\nbody? Truly, even to casting himself without danger\\ninto the arms of a woman who loves him. What\\nwithout blanching? Never any other exchange than\\ngold for flesh What a feast, then, is his life, and what\\nbrewings does one drink there in its cups? Behold\\nhim, at thirty, like old Mithridates the poisons of\\nvipers are his friends and intimates.\\n4 There is a great secret in that, my boy, a key to\\ntake hold of. On whatever reasonings one may support\\ndebauch, one will prove that it is natural one day, one\\nhour, this evening, but not to-morrow, or every day.\\nThere is not a people on earth that has not considered\\nwoman either as man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s companion and consolation, or\\nas the sacred instrument of his life, and, under both\\nthese forms, who has not honored her. Yet, behold\\nan armed warrior who jumps into the abyss that God\\nhas dug with His own hands between man and animal\\nit would be as well to deny speech. What mute Titan\\nis there, then, who would dare trample the love of the\\nmind under the kisses of the body, and to plant on the\\nlips the stigma that makes the brute, the seal of eternal\\nsilence\\nThere is in that a word worth knowing. There\\nwhistles thereunder the wind of those mournful forests\\nthat we call secret corporations, one of those mysteries\\nthat the angels of destruction whisper in one another\u00e2\u0080\u0099s", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0157.jp2"}, "150": {"fulltext": "n6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\near, when night descends on the earth. That man is\\nworse or better than God has made him. His entrails\\nare like those of sterile women either nature has only\\nblocked them out, or some poisonous herb was distilled\\ninto them in the dark.\\nWell, neither work nor study has been able to cure\\nyou, my friend. To forget and to learn, be that thy\\nmotto. You were turning over the leaves of dead\\nbooks you are too young for ruins. Look about you,\\nthe pale troop of men surrounds you. The sphinxes\u00e2\u0080\u0099\\neyes sparkle among the divine hieroglyphics decipher\\nthe book of life Courage, scholar, jump into the Styx,\\nthe invulnerable river, and may its funereal waves lead\\nyou to death or to God.\\nIV\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAll that there was of good in that, supposing that\\nthere could be any, is that these false pleasures were\\nseeds of sorrow and bitterness that fatigued me so that\\nI could bear them no longer.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Such are the simple\\nwords that were said, in regard to his youth, by the\\nmost manlike man who has ever been, St. Augustine.\\nOf those who have done as he did, few would say these\\nwords, all have them in their hearts I find no others\\ni jnine.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0158.jp2"}, "151": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n117\\nHaving returned to Paris, in the month of December,\\nafter the season, I spent the winter in pleasure parties,\\nin masquerades, in suppers, rarely leaving Desgenais,\\nwho was delighted with me I was scarcely so. The\\nmore I went about, the more care I felt in me. It\\nseemed to me, at the end of a very short time, that\\nthis world so strange, which at first sight had appeared\\nto me an abyss, was becoming contracted, so to say,\\nat each step where I had believed I had seen a\\nspectre, in proportion as I advanced, I saw only a\\nshadow.\\nDesgenais asked me what was the matter with me.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd you,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat ails you? Do you\\nrecall any dead relative Have you not some wound\\nthat humidity opens afresh\\nThen it sometimes seemed to me that he heard me\\nwithout answering. We threw ourselves on a table,\\ndrinking until our heads swam in the middle of the\\nnight we took post-horses, and went to breakfast ten\\nor twelve leagues away in the country on returning,\\nto the bath, thence to table, thence to play, thence to\\nbed and when I was at the side of mine then I\\npushed the door-bolt, I fell on my knees and I wept.\\nThat was my evening prayer.\\nStrange thing I took pride in passing for what in\\nreality I was not at all I boasted of doing worse than\\nI was doing, and I found an odd pleasure, mingled with\\nsorrow, in that charlatanism. When I had really done", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0159.jp2"}, "152": {"fulltext": "n8\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwhat I related, I felt only weariness but when I\\ninvented some folly, such as a story of debauch or the\\nrecital of an orgie at which I had not attended, it\\nseemed to me that my heart was more satisfied, I know\\nnot why.\\nWhat did me most harm was when, at a pleasure\\nparty, we went into some place in the environs of Paris\\nwhere I had formerly been with my mistress. I became\\nstupid, I went off alone, apart, looking at the shrubs\\nand the trunks of trees with unbounded bitterness, even\\nkicking them as if to reduce them to dust. Then I\\nreturned, repeating a hundred times in succession be-\\ntween my teeth God scarcely loves me, God scarcely\\nloves me 1 I remained then for hours without speak-\\ning.\\nThat fatal idea, that truth is nudity, returned to me\\non every occasion. \u00e2\u0080\u009cThe world,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009ccalls its varnishing, virtue; its rosary, religion; its\\ntrailing cloak, propriety. Honor and morality are its\\nchambermaids it drinks in its wine the tears of the\\npoor in spirit who believe in it it walks abroad with\\ndowncast eyes as long as the sun is in the heavens it\\ngoes to church, to the ball, to the assemblies, and when\\nevening comes it unties its robe, and one perceives a\\nnaked bacchanalian with two goat\u00e2\u0080\u0099s feet.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBut while speaking thus, I horrified myself for I felt\\nthat, if the body was under the coat, the skeleton was\\nunder the body. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIs it possible that that is all?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0160.jp2"}, "153": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nIl 9\\nasked myself in spite of myself. Then I returned to the\\ncity, I met on my way a pretty little girl holding her\\nmother\u00e2\u0080\u0099s arm, I followed her with my eyes as I sighed,\\nand I became again, as it were, a child.\\nThough I had assumed every-day customs with my\\nfriends, and though we had regulated our disorder, I\\ndid not neglect going into society. The sight of\\nwomen caused me unendurable trouble I touched their\\nhands only in trembling. My course was taken never\\nto love again. Yet I returned on a certain evening\\nfrom a ball with my heart so sick that I felt that it\\nwas love. I found myself at supper beside a woman,\\nthe most charming and the most distinguished whose\\nmemory has remained to me. When I shut my eyes to\\ngo to sleep, I saw her before me. I believed myself\\nlost I resolved at once not to meet her again, to shun\\nall the places to which I knew that she was going.\\nThis sort of fever lasted a fortnight, during which I\\nremained almost constantly stretched on my sofa, end-\\nlessly recalling, in spite of myself, even the slightest\\nwords that I had exchanged with her.\\nAs there is no place under heaven where one is con-\\ncerned with his neighbor so much as at Paris, not a very\\nlong time elapsed before the people of my acquaintance,\\nwho met me with Desgenais, had declared that I was\\nthe greatest of libertines. In that I admired the intelli-\\ngence of the world in proportion as I had passed for a\\nninny and a novice at the time of my rupture with my", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0161.jp2"}, "154": {"fulltext": "120\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nmistress, so I passed now for being hard-hearted and\\nobdurate. People came to say to me that it was very\\nclear I never loved that woman, that I was no doubt\\nmaking a play of love, which was great praise that\\npeople thought they were bestowing on me and the\\nworst of the matter is, that I was puffed up with vanity\\nso wretched, that it delighted me.\\nMy pretension was to pass for being case-hardened,\\nat the same time that I was full of desires and that my\\nexalted imagination was carrying me beyond all bounds.\\nI began to say that I could not take any stock in women\\nmy head spent itself in chimeras that I said I preferred\\nto the reality. At last, my only pleasure was to mis-\\nrepresent myself. It sufficed that a thought be extraor-\\ndinary, that it shock common sense, for me at once\\nto make myself its champion, at the risk of advancing\\nmost censurable opinions.\\nMy greatest fault was the imitating of everything that\\nstruck me, not by reason of its beauty, but of its strange-\\nness, and, not wishing to confess myself an imitator, I\\nlost myself in exaggeration, so as to appear original.\\nTo my taste, nothing was good, or even passable\\nnothing was worth the trouble of a turn of the head\\nyet, as soon as I warmed up to a discussion, it appeared\\nas if there was not in the French language any expres-\\nsion sufficiently bombastic to praise what I upheld\\nbut it was sufficient to side with me to cool all my\\nardor.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0162.jp2"}, "155": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n1 2 I\\nThis was a natural sequel to my conduct. Disgusted\\nwith the life that I was leading, I did not, however,\\nwant to change it\\nSimigliante a quella \u00e2\u0080\u0099nferna\\nChe non pud trovar posa in su le piume,\\nMa con dar volta suo dolore scherma.\\nDante.\\nThus I tormented my mind to deceive it, and I fell into\\nall sorts of caprices to escape from myself.\\nBut while my vanity was thus occupied, my heart was\\nsuffering, so that there was almost constantly in me one\\nman who was laughing and another who was weeping.\\nIt was like a perpetual rebound from my head to my\\nheart. My own banterings sometimes gave me extreme\\npain, and my deepest sorrows gave me a desire to burst\\nout laughing.\\nA man boasted one day of being proof against super-\\nstitious fears and of not being afraid of anything his\\nfriends put a human skeleton in his bed, then posted\\nthemselves in an adjoining room to trap him when he\\ncame in. They heard no noise but, next morning,\\nwhen they entered his room, they found him fixed in a\\nsitting posture and playing with the bones he had lost\\nhis reason.\\nThere was in me something like to that man, if it\\nwas only that my favorite bonelets were those of a", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0163.jp2"}, "156": {"fulltext": "122\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwell beloved skeleton they were the ruins of my\\nlove, all that remained to me of the past.\\nIt must not be said, however, that in all that dis-\\norder there were not good moments. Desgenais\u00e2\u0080\u0099 com-\\npanions were young men of distinction, a goodly\\nnumber were artists. We sometimes spent delightful\\nevenings together, under the pretext of playing the\\nlibertine. One of them was then taken with a pretty\\nsinger who charmed us with her sweet and melancholy\\nvoice. How often we remained, seated in a circle, to\\nlisten to her, while the table was being set How\\noften one of us, at the moment when the flasks were\\nuncorked, held in the hand a volume by Lamartine\\nand read in a voice full of emotion You should have\\nseen then how every other thought disappeared. The\\nhours flew during that time and, when we sat down\\nto table, what singular libertines we made we said not\\na word, and we had tears in our eyes.\\nDesgenais especially, habitually the coldest and driest\\nof men, was incredible in those days he gave himself\\nup to opinions so extraordinary that one would have\\ncalled him a poet in delirium. But, after those expan-\\nsions, it happened that he would feel himself seized\\nwith a furious joy. He broke everything as soon as\\nthe wine had warmed him; the genius of destruction\\nemerged from his head fully armed; and I have seen\\nhim, sometimes, in the midst of his follies, dashing a chair\\nat a closed window with such uproar as to make one hide.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0164.jp2"}, "157": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n123\\nI could not help making that strange man a subject of\\nstudy. He appeared to me as the marked type of a\\nclass of men who must exist somewhere, but who were\\nunknown to me. One knew not, when he was acting,\\nwhether it was the despair of a sick man or the whim\\nof a spoiled child.\\nHe showed himself off particularly on feast days in\\na state of nervous excitement that drove him to con-\\nduct himself like a veritable school-boy. His com-\\nposure then would make one laugh to split one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s sides.\\nHe persuaded me one day to go out with him on foot,\\nboth of us, alone, at dusk, muffled up in grotesque cos-\\ntumes, with masks and musical instruments. We prom-\\nenaded thus all night, gravely, amid the most frightful\\ncharivari. We found a driver of a coach for hire asleep\\non his seat we unyoked the horses after which, feign-\\ning to be leaving a ball, we called him with loud shouts.\\nThe driver awoke, and at the first crack of the whip\\nthat he gave, his horses started on a trot, leaving him\\nthus perched on his seat. We were the same evening\\nin the Champs-Elysees Desgenais, seeing another car-\\nriage pass, stopped it, neither more nor less than a\\nrobber; he intimidated the driver by his threats, and\\nforced him to get down and stretch himself flat on his\\nbelly. It was a play for which one would risk one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s life.\\nHe opened the carriage, however, and within we found\\na young man and a woman, motionless from fright. He\\ntold me then to imitate him, and, having opened both", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0165.jp2"}, "158": {"fulltext": "124\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ndoors, we began to enter by the one and leave by the\\nother, so that in the darkness the poor people in the\\ncarriage believed it was a procession of bandits.\\nI picture to myself that men who say that the world\\ngives experience ought to be very much astonished that\\npeople believe them. The world is only whirls, and\\nbetween these whirls there is no relation everything\\ngoes off in flocks, like flights of birds. The different\\nquarters of a city do not even resemble one another,\\nand, to any one of the Chaussee-d\u00e2\u0080\u0099Antin, there is as\\nmuch to be learned in Le Marais as in Lisbon. It is\\nonly true that these different whirls have been trav-\\nersed, since the world has existed, by seven person-\\nages ever the same the first is called hope the\\nsecond, conscience the third, opinion the fourth,\\nenvy; the fifth, sorrow; the sixth, pride; and the\\nseventh is called man.\\nWe were, then, my companions and I, a flight of\\nbirds, and we remained together until the spring-time,\\nsometimes playing, sometimes running\\nBut,\u00e2\u0080\u009d the reader will say, in the midst of all that,\\nwhat women had you In that I do not see debauch\\nin person.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nO creatures who bore the name of women, and who\\nhave passed like dreams in a life that was itself only a\\ndream, what shall I say of you? Where there never\\nwas the shadow of a hope, can it be that there would\\nbe some memory? Wherein shall I find memories of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0166.jp2"}, "159": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nI2 5\\nyou What is there more mute in the human memory\\nWhat is there more forgotten than you?\\nIf women must be spoken of, I will cite two of them\\nhere is one\\nI ask you, what would you have a poor seamstress do,\\nyoung and pretty, eighteen years old, and consequently\\nhaving desires having a novel on her desk, which\\ntreats only of love knowing nothing, having no idea\\nof morality sewing forever at a window before which,\\nby order of the police, processions no longer pass, but\\nin front of which stroll every evening a dozen licensed\\ngirls, recognized by the same police what would you\\nhave her do when, after having wearied her hands and\\nher eyes during a whole day on a dress or a hat, she\\nleans on her elbows for a moment at that window at\\nnightfall? That dress which she has sewed, that hat\\nwhich she has trimmed with her poor and honest\\nhands, to get the wherewith to have supper at her\\nhouse, she sees them pass on the head and on the\\nbody of a public girl. Thirty times a day there stops\\na hired carriage at her door, and there comes out of\\nit a prostitute numbered like the hack that trundles\\nher, who comes with a disdainful air to make faces\\nin front of a mirror, to try on, to take off and to\\nput on again ten times that sad and patient work of\\nher vigils. She sees that girl take from her pocket\\nsix gold pieces, she who has one a week she looks\\nat her from head to foot, she examines her decking,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0167.jp2"}, "160": {"fulltext": "126\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nshe follows her as far as her carriage and then, what\\nwould you? when the night is quite dark, on an even-\\ning when work fails, when her mother is sick, she opens\\nher door, stretches out her hand, and stops a passer-by.\\nSuch was the history of a girl whom I have known.\\nShe knew a little how to play the piano, a little how\\nto count, a little how to draw, even a little history and\\ngrammar, and so a little of everything. How often I\\nlooked with poignant compassion at that rough model\\nof nature, mutilated still further by society How\\noften I followed, in that depth of night, the pale and\\nvacillating glimmers of a suffering and aborted spark\\nHow often I tried to relight some dead coals under\\nthose poor ashes Alas her long hair was in reality\\nof the color of ashes, and we called her Cendrillon.\\nI was not rich enough to give her masters Des-\\ngenais, following my advice, interested himself in that\\ncreature he made her learn anew all of which she had\\nthe elements. But she was never able to make decided\\nprogress in anything as soon as her master had left,\\nshe crossed her arms and remained thus for whole hours,\\nlooking through the window-panes. What days what\\nmisery I threatened one day, if she did not work, to\\nleave her without money she set silently to work, and\\nI learned a short time afterwards that she went out\\nby stealth. Whither did she go? God knows. I\\nentreated her, before she left, to embroider a purse\\nfor me I kept that sad relic for a long time it", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0168.jp2"}, "161": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n127\\nwas hung up in my room as one of the gloomiest\\nmonuments of all that is ruin here below.\\nNow here is another\\nIt was about ten o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock in the evening, when, after\\na whole day of excitement and fatigue, we betook our-\\nselves to Desgenais\u00e2\u0080\u0099, he had preceded us by some\\nhours to make his preparations. The orchestra was\\nalready placed, and the parlor full on our arrival.\\nMost of the dancers were theatre -girls it was ex-\\nplained to me why they were worth more than others\\nit was that everybody snatches at them.\\nScarcely had I entered when I threw myself into the\\nwhirl of the waltz. This truly delightful exercise has\\nalways been dear to me I know of no other more\\nnoble, nor that is more worthy in every respect of a\\npretty woman and a young man all dances, compared\\nwith that one, are only insipid conventionalities or\\npretexts for the most insignificant conversations. To\\nhold a woman in one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s arms for half an hour is truly\\nto possess her in a certain sense, and to drag her along\\nthus, palpitating in spite of herself, and not without\\nsome risk, so that one could not say whether one pro-\\ntects or forces her. Some give themselves up then with\\nsuch voluptuous shame, with such sweet and pure aban-\\ndonment, that one does not know whether what one\\nfeels near them is desire or fear, and whether, in press-\\ning them to one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s heart, one would swoon away or\\nwould break them like reeds. Germany, where this", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0169.jp2"}, "162": {"fulltext": "128\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ndance was invented, is certainly a country where one\\nloves.\\nI held in my arms a superb dancer of an Italian\\ntheatre, who had come to Paris for the Carnival; she\\nwas in bacchanalian costume, with a panther-skin robe.\\nNever have I seen anything so languishing as that\\ncreature. She was tall and thin, and, while waltzing\\nwith extreme rapidity, she had the appearance of drag-\\nging; on seeing her, one would have said that she\\nfatigued her waltzer but one did not feel her, she ran\\nas if by enchantment.\\nOn her bosom was an enormous bouquet, whose per-\\nfumes intoxicated me in spite of myself. At the slightest\\nmovement of my arm, I felt her bend like a convolvulus\\nof the Indies, full of a softness so sweet and so sympa-\\nthetic that she enfolded me like a sail of embalmed\\nsilk. At each turn one scarcely heard a slight rubbing\\nof her necklace on her metal girdle; she moved so\\ndivinely that I believed I saw a beautiful star, and all\\nthat with a smile, like a fairy that is going to fly away.\\nThe waltz music, tender and voluptuous, appeared as if\\nemerging from her lips, whilst her head, loaded with a\\nforest of black hair braided in plaits, inclined backwards,\\nas if her neck were too weak to carry it.\\nWhen the waltz was ended I threw myself on a chair\\nat the end of a boudoir; my heart beat, I was beside\\nmyself. \u00e2\u0080\u009cO God!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009chow is\\nthat possible O superb monster O beautiful reptile", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0170.jp2"}, "163": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n129\\nsweet serpent, with your supple and spotted skin how\\nyou entwine, how you undulate. How your eousin\\nthe Serpent has taught you to coil around the Tree\\nof Life, with the apple on your lips O Melusine\\nO Melusine the hearts of men are yours. You know\\nit well, enchantress, with the mellow languor that has\\nnot the air of doubting it You know well that you\\nare killing, you know well that you are drowning,\\nyou know well that one is going to suffer when one has\\ntouched you; you know that one dies of your smiles,\\nof the perfume of your flowers, of contact with your\\ndelights that is why you give yourself up with such\\nsoftness that is why your smile is so sweet, your flowers\\nso fresh that is why you pose your arm so sweetly on\\nour shoulder. O God O God what, then, do you\\ndesire of us?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nProfessor Halle has said a terrible word Woman is\\nthe nervous part of humanity, and man the muscular\\npart.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Humboldt himself, that serious scholar, has said\\nthat around the human nerves is an invisible atmos-\\nphere. I do not speak of the dreamers who follow the\\nzigzag flight of Spallanzani\u00e2\u0080\u0099s bats, and who think they\\nhave found a sixth sense in nature. However that\\nmay be, the mysteries of the nature that creates us,\\nrocks us, kills us, are sufficiently awful, and its powers\\ntoo profound, without making it necessary to thicken\\nthe darkness that surrounds us. But who is the man\\nwho thinks he has lived if he denies the power of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0171.jp2"}, "164": {"fulltext": "THE CONFESSION OF A\\n130\\nwoman? if he has never left a beautiful dancer with\\ntrembling hands if he has never felt that indescribable,\\nindefinable, that enervating magnetism which, in the\\nmidst of a ball, at the noise of the instruments, at the\\nwarmth that pales the lustres, comes by degrees from a\\nyoung woman, electrifies her, and frolics around her\\nlike the perfume of aloes on the censer that is swung in\\nthe wind?\\nI was stricken with a profound stupor. That such an\\nintoxication exists when one loves, was not new to me\\nI knew what that aureole was that the well-beloved\\nradiates. But to excite such heart-beatings, to call up\\nsuch phantoms, with nothing but her beauty, flowers,\\nand the dappled skin of a wild beast, with certain move-\\nments, a certain mode of turning in a circle, which she\\nlearned of some juggler, with the contours of a fine\\nann and that without a word, without a thought, with-\\nout her deigning to seem to know it What, then, was\\nchaos, if that was the work of the seven days\\nIt was not love, however, that I felt, and I cannot\\ncall it anything else, unless it was thirst. For the first\\ntime in my life, I felt vibrating in my being a chord\\nforeign to my heart. The sight of that beautiful animal\\nhad made another one bellow in my entrails. I felt\\nindeed that I would not have told that woman that I\\nloved her, or that she was pleasing to me, or even that\\nshe was beautiful; there was nothing on my lips but\\nthe desire to kiss hers, to say to her: \u00e2\u0080\u009cMake me a", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0172.jp2"}, "165": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nI3i\\ngirdle of those indolent arms rest that inclining head\\non me; seal that sweet smile to my mouth.\u00e2\u0080\u009d My body\\nloved hers; I was taken with beauty as one is taken\\nwith wine.\\nDesgenais passed, and he asked me what I was\\ndoing there. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWho is that woman?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him.\\nHe answered: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat woman? of whom do you\\nspeak\\nI took him by the arm and led him into the hall.\\nThe Italian woman saw us coming. She smiled I took\\na step backwards. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh ah said Desgenais, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou\\nhave waltzed with Marco\\nWho is Marco I said to him.\\nWell she is that sloth who is laughing down there\\ndoes she please you\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI have waltzed with her, and I\\nwant to know her name she does not please me other-\\nwise.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIt was shame that made me speak thus but, as soon\\nas Desgenais had left me, I ran after him.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou are very prompt,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said, laughing. Marco\\nis not an ordinary girl; she is engaged and almost\\nmarried to Monsieur de ambassador at Milan. It\\nis one of his friends who has brought her to me. Yet,\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nhe added, \u00e2\u0080\u009ccount on me going to speak to him; we\\nwill let you die only when there will be no other re-\\nsource. It may be that we shall succeed in having her\\nstay here for supper.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0173.jp2"}, "166": {"fulltext": "132\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nThereupon he moved away. I could not say how\\nrestless I felt on seeing him approach her but I could\\nnot follow them, they were lost in the crowd.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cIs it true, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009cshould I come\\nto that What in an instant O God could it be\\nthat I am going to love? But, after all,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I thought,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cit is my senses that are acting; my heart does not\\ncount for anything in that.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI thus sought to calm myself. A few moments\\nlater, however, Desgenais slapped me on the shoulder.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWe will have supper in a little while,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said to\\nme; \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou will give your arm to Marco; she knows\\nthat she has been pleasing to you, and that is agreed\\nupon.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nListen,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him I do not know what I am\\nexperiencing. It seems to me that I see Vulcan with\\na lame foot covering Venus with his kisses, with his\\nbesmoked beard, in his forge. He is fixing his wild\\neyes on the thick flesh of his prey. He is concentrating\\nhimself in the sight of that woman, his only good he\\nis striving to laugh with joy, he looks as if he was shud-\\ndering with happiness and, during that time, he remem-\\nbers his father Jupiter, who is seated on the summit of\\nheaven.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nDesgenais looked at me without answering he took\\nhold of my arm and drew me away. \u00e2\u0080\u009cI am tired,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he\\nsaid to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009clam sad; this noise is killing me. Let\\nus go to supper, that will set us up again.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0174.jp2"}, "167": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n*33\\nThe supper was splendid but I only attended at it. I\\ncould not touch anything my lips failed me. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat\\nis the matter with you, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Marco to me. But\\nI remained like a statue, and I looked at her from head\\nto foot in mute astonishment.\\nShe began to laugh, and Desgenais also, who was\\nwatching us from a distance. In front of her was a\\nlarge crystal glass cut in the form of a cup, which\\nreflected on a thousand sparkling facets the light from\\nthe lustres and which shone like the prism of the seven\\nrainbow colors. She extended her indolent arm, and\\nfilled the cup to the brim with a golden wave of Cyprus\\nwine, of that sugared wine of the East which later on\\nI found so bitter on the deserted strand of the Lido.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cTake it,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said as she presented it to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cper\\nvoi, bambino mio.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cFor you and me, I said to her, presenting the glass to\\nher in turn. She moistened her lips with it, and I emp-\\ntied it with a sadness that she seemed to read in my eyes.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cIs it bad?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said. \u00e2\u0080\u009cNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied. \u00e2\u0080\u009cOr may\\nbe you have a headache?\u00e2\u0080\u009d No.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cOr perhaps you\\nare weary?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cNo.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh, then! it is a weariness of\\nlove?\u00e2\u0080\u009d While speaking thus in her jargon, her eyes\\nbecame serious. I knew that she was from Naples, and,\\nin spite of herself, while speaking of love, her Italy was\\nbeating in her heart.\\nAnother folly followed thereupon. Heads were\\nalready getting warm, glasses were clinking; already", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0175.jp2"}, "168": {"fulltext": "134\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthere was mounting to the palest cheeks that slight\\npurple with which wine colors the countenance, as if to\\nforbid modesty to appear there; a confused murmur,\\nlike that of the rising tide, rumbled in shocks; looks\\nwere enkindled here and there, then were suddenly fixed\\nand remained vacant; I know not what wind made all\\nthose uncertain intoxications float toward one another.\\nA woman arose as does in a still, tranquil sea the first\\nwave that feels the tempest, and which gets ready to\\nannounce it she made a sign with the hand to ask for\\nsilence, emptied the cup with one gulp, and, with the\\ngesture that she made, she pulled off her head-dress a\\nmass of golden hair rolled down over her shoulders; she\\nopened her lips and wanted to intone a convivial song\\nher eye was half-closed. She breathed with effort twice\\ndid a hoarse sound emerge from her oppressed chest a\\nmortal paleness suddenly covered her, and she fell back\\non her chair.\\nThen began a hubbub which, for more than an hour\\nthat the supper yet lasted, did not cease until the end.\\nIt was impossible to distinguish anything there, either\\nlaughter, or song, or even calling.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat do you think of it?\u00e2\u0080\u009d Desgenais said to me.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNothing,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I answered; \u00e2\u0080\u009cI close my ears and look\\non.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAmid that bacchanal, the beautiful Marco remained\\nmute, drinking nothing, resting quietly on her bare arm\\nand letting her slothfulness dream. She seemed neither", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0176.jp2"}, "169": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n*35\\nastonished nor moved. Do you not want to do as they\\nare doing?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I asked her; \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou who offered me Cyprus\\nwine a little while ago, do you not want to taste it\\nalso?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I poured out for her, while saying that, a large\\nglass full to the brim she raised it slowly, drank it in\\none draught, then put the glass back on the table, and\\nresumed her heedless attitude.\\nThe more I observed this Marco, the more singular\\nshe appeared to me she took pleasure in nothing, but\\nneither did she weary of anything. It seemed as diffi-\\ncult to annoy her as to please her she made one put\\nquestions to her, but not of her own motion. I thought\\nof the genius of eternal rest, and I said to myself\\nthat, if that pale statue became a somnambulist, it would\\nresemble Marco.\\nAre you good or wicked?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009csad or\\ngay? Have you loved? Do you wish any one to love\\nyou? Do you love money, pleasure, what? horses, the\\ncountry, the ball? what pleases you? of what are you\\ndreaming And to all these questions the same smile\\non her part, a joyless and painless smile, which meant\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat matters it? and nothing more.\\nI brought my lips close to hers she gave me a kiss as\\nvacant and indolent as herself, then she raised her hand-\\nkerchief to her mouth. Marco,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwoe\\nto him who would love you\\nShe lowered her black eye on me, then raised it\\ntoward heaven, and, pointing a finger in the air, with", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0177.jp2"}, "170": {"fulltext": "136\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthat Italian gesture which cannot be imitated, she sweetly\\npronounced the great feminine word of her country\\nForse\\nYet they served dessert; several of the guests had\\narisen some were smoking, others had taken to playing,\\na small number remained at table; some women were\\ndancing, others were sleeping. The orchestra returned\\nthe candles were growing pale, they put others in their\\nplace. I recalled Petronius\u00e2\u0080\u0099s supper, where the lamps\\nare extinguished around yawning masters, while slaves\\nenter on tiptoe and steal the silver. Amid all that, songs\\nwere ever going on, and three Englishmen, three of\\nthose sad-looking figures to whom the Continent is a\\nhospital, continued, in spite of everything, the most\\nominous ballad that has sprung from their marshes.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cCome,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to Marco, \u00e2\u0080\u009clet us leave!\u00e2\u0080\u009d She\\narose and took my arm. \u00e2\u0080\u009cUntil to-morrow!\u00e2\u0080\u009d Des-\\ngenais called out to me we left the room.\\nOn approaching Marco\u00e2\u0080\u0099s lodging, my heart was beat-\\ning violently I could not speak. I had no idea of such\\na woman; she felt neither desire nor disgust, and I knew\\nnot what to think on seeing my hand tremble beside that\\nemotionless being.\\nHer room was, like herself, dark and voluptuous an\\nalabaster lamp half lighted it. The arm-chairs, the sofa,\\nwere as soft as beds, and I believe that everything there\\nwas made of down and of silk. On entering I was\\nstruck with a strong odor of Turkish pastilles, not of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0178.jp2"}, "171": {"fulltext": "|Jart gjeconti Chapter IV\\nShe extended her indolent arm and filled the cup to the\\nbrim with a golden wave of Cyprus wine. Take\\nit, she said as she presented it to me, per voi, bambino\\nmio.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nFor you and me, I said to her, presenting the glass\\nto her in turn.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0179.jp2"}, "172": {"fulltext": "J3Jp(fH) tfltO 13^, mijf\\ncA V p V Wa ss^a \\\\ft9bmto ^Z.\\nv^sTV 1 .^ssVas zsts^vQ \\\\ci zvsms \u00c2\u00abi5a\\\\v\u00c2\u00a3 a V$vu mrt\\nonidmfid f iov isq w aV Vs za Vsfcz z M ,Vx\\n.oim\\nzz Y^. ~%m\\\\^v^K\\\\ cA V$az\\\\ V ssa^ wV\\n.sruft \u00c2\u00abs ^s\\\\", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0180.jp2"}, "173": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0181.jp2"}, "174": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0182.jp2"}, "175": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0185.jp2"}, "176": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0186.jp2"}, "177": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n137\\nthose that are sold here in the streets, but of those of\\nConstantinople, which are the most nervous and the\\nmost dangerous of perfumes. She rang, a chambermaid\\nentered. She passed with her into her alcove without\\nsaying a word to me, and, a few moments later, I saw\\nher lying down, resting on her elbow, always in the\\nindolent posture that was habitual to her.\\nI was standing and I was looking at her. Strange, the\\nmore I admired her, the more beautiful I found her, the\\nmore I felt the desires vanish with which she inspired me.\\nI know not whether it was a magnetic effect her silence\\nand her lack of emotion won me. I did as she did, and\\nI stretched myself on the sofa in front of the alcove, and\\nthe coldness of death went down into my soul.\\nThe beatings of the blood in the arteries are a strange\\nclock that one feels vibrate only at night. Man, aban-\\ndoned then by external objects, falls back on himself;\\nhe hears himself live. Despite fatigue and sadness, I\\ncould not close my eyes; Marco\u00e2\u0080\u0099s were fixed on me;\\nwe looked at each other in silence, and slowly, if one\\nmay so speak.\\n44 What are you doing there?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said at last; 4 4 are\\nyou not coming to me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n44 Yes, indeed,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied 44 you are very beautiful\\nA weak sigh was heard, like a plaint: one of the\\nchords of Marco\u00e2\u0080\u0099s harp had just snapped. I turned my\\nhead at this sound, and I saw that the pale tint of the\\nfirst rays of dawn was coloring the windows.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0187.jp2"}, "178": {"fulltext": "138\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI arose and I opened the blinds a bright light pene-\\ntrated into the room. I approached a window and\\nstopped for a few moments the sky was clear, the sun\\ncloudless.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWill you come, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d Marco repeated.\\nI made her a sign to wait further. Some reasons of\\nprudence had made her choose a quarter removed from\\nthe heart of the city; perhaps she had another lodging\\nelsewhere, for she received sometimes. Her lover\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nfriends came to her house, and the room in which we\\nwere was no doubt only a retreat for lovers it looked\\nout on the Luxembourg, whose garden stretched afar\\nbefore my eyes.\\nLike a cork that, plunged into water, seems restless\\nunder the hand that holds it, and slips between the fin-\\ngers to ascend to the surface, so was agitated in me\\nsomething that I could neither overcome nor remove.\\nThe sight of the alleys of the Luxembourg made my\\nheart bound and every other thought Vanished. How\\noften, on those little knolls, playing truant, I had\\nstretched myself under the shade, with some good book,\\nquite filled with foolish poesy for, alas those were the\\ndebauches of my childhood. I found again those far-off\\nmemories on the stripped trees, on the withered grass of\\nthe landscapes. There, when I was ten years old, I had\\nwalked with my brother and my preceptor, throwing\\nbread to some poor benumbed birds there, seated in a\\ncorner, I had for hours watched the little girls dancing", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0188.jp2"}, "179": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nT 39\\nin a ring I listened to my artless heart beating to the\\nrefrains of their childish songs; there, returning from\\ncollege, I had a thousand times traversed the same alley,\\nlost in a verse of Virgil, and driving a pebble with my\\nfoot. \u00e2\u0080\u009cO my childhood it is here!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed to\\nmyself O my God Thou art here\\nI turned around. Marco had gone to sleep, the lamp\\nhad gone out the light of day had changed the entire\\nappearance of the room the hangings, which had\\nseemed to me of an azure blue, were of a greenish and\\nfaded tint, and Marco, the beautiful statue, stretched in\\nthe alcove, was as livid as a corpse.\\nI shuddered in spite of myself I looked at the alcove,\\nthen at the garden my weary head was becoming\\nheavy. I took a few steps, and I went and sat down in\\nfront of an open secretary, near another window. I was\\nresting myself on it, and was looking mechanically\\nat an unfolded letter that had been left upon it it con-\\ntained only a few words. I read them several times in\\nsuccession without paying any attention to them, until\\ntheir meaning became intelligible to my thought by\\nforce of recurring to it I was suddenly struck by it,\\nthough it was not possible for me to take in everything.\\nI took the paper, and read what follows, written in bad\\northography\\nShe died yesterday. At eleven o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock in the even-\\ning she felt herself failing she called me, and said to\\nme: \u00e2\u0080\u0098Louison, I am going to rejoin my comrade; you", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0189.jp2"}, "180": {"fulltext": "140\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nare to go to the wardrobe, and you are to take down the\\ncloth that is on the nail; it is the fellow of the other.\u00e2\u0080\u0099\\nI threw myself on my knees weeping, but she extended\\nher hand, exclaiming Do not weep do not weep\\nAnd she heaved such a sigh\\nThe rest was torn. I cannot picture the effect that\\nthis sinister reading produced on me; I turned the\\npaper over and saw Marco\u00e2\u0080\u0099s address, the date, the day\\nbefore. \u00e2\u0080\u009cShe is dead? and who, then, is dead?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nexclaimed to myself involuntarily as I went to the\\nalcove. \u00e2\u0080\u009cDead! who, then? who, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nMarco opened her eyes; she saw me seated on her\\nbed, the letter in my hand. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt is my mother,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said she,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cwho is dead. You are not coming near me, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAnd, saying that, she stretched out her hand. \u00e2\u0080\u009cSi-\\nlence I said to her; \u00e2\u0080\u009csleep, and leave me here.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe turned over and went to sleep again. I looked at\\nher for some time, until, having assured myself that she\\ncould no longer hear me, I moved away and left quietly.\\nv\\nI was seated one evening by the fireside with Des-\\ngenais. The window was open; it was one of those\\nfirst days of March, that are the harbingers of spring;\\nit had rained, a sweet odor came from the garden.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0190.jp2"}, "181": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n141\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat shall we do, my friend,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhen\\nspring is come I feel a desire to travel.\\nI shall do,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Desgenais to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat I did last\\nyear I shall go to the country when it will be time to\\ngo there.\\nWhat I replied, do you do the same thing every\\nyear? You are going, then, to begin your life again\\nthis year\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat do you want me to do?\u00e2\u0080\u009d he answered.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cRight I exclaimed as I jumped up; \u00e2\u0080\u009cyes, what\\nwill you have me do you have well said. Ah Des-\\ngenais, how all that tires me Are you never weary of\\nthis life that you are leading?\\nNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said to me.\\nI was standing in front of an engraving that repre-\\nsented the Magdalen in the desert I joined my hands\\ninvoluntarily. What are you doing, then Desgenais\\nasked me.\\nIf I were a painter,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him, and if I wanted\\nto paint melancholy, I would not paint a dreamy young\\ngirl, with a book in her hands.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cOf whom are you thinking this evening?\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said,\\nlaughing.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo, indeed,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I continued; \u00e2\u0080\u009cthis Magdalen in\\ntears has her bosom swollen with hope this pale and\\nsickly hand, on which she rests her head, is still em-\\nbalmed with the perfumes which she poured on Christ\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nfeet. Do you not see that in this desert there is a people", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0191.jp2"}, "182": {"fulltext": "142\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwho meditate, who pray There is no melancholy in\\nthat.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIt is a woman reading,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he replied in a dry voice.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd a happy woman,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand a\\nhappy book.\\nDesgenais understood what I wanted to say he saw\\nthat a deep sorrow was taking possession of me. He\\nasked me if I had any cause for grief. I hesitated to\\nanswer him, and I felt my heart break.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAt last, my dear Octave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cif you\\nhave a subject that gives you pain, do not hesitate to\\nconfide it to me; speak openly, and you will find a\\nfriend in me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI know it,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI have a friend; but my\\npain has no friend.\\nHe pressed me to explain myself. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWell,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said\\nto him, \u00e2\u0080\u009cif I explain myself, of what service will that\\nbe to you, since you can do nothing for it, any more\\nthan I can Is it the bottom of my heart that you ask\\nof me, or is it only the first word that comes, and an\\nexcuse?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBe frank,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said to me.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwell, Desgenais, you have given\\nme advice in proper season, and I entreat you to listen\\nto me, as I listened to you then. You ask me what I\\nhave in my heart, I am going to tell you.\\nTake the first man who comes along, and say to\\nhim There are folks who spend their life in drinking,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0192.jp2"}, "183": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n143\\nin horseback riding, in laughing, in playing, in making\\nuse of all sorts of pleasure no shackle restrains them\\nthey have as their law whatever pleases them, women\\nas many as they want they are rich. Of other cares,\\nnot one; all days are feast-days to them.\u00e2\u0080\u0099 What do you\\nthink of it Unless that man be a strict devotee, he\\nwill answer you that it is human weakness, if he does\\nnot answer you simply that it is the greatest happiness\\nthat can be imagined.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cThen lead that man to action; set him at table, a\\nwoman by his side, a glass in his hand, a handful of gold\\nevery morning, and then say to him There is your\\nlife. Whilst you will be asleep beside your mistress,\\nyour horses will prance in the stable whilst you will be\\nmaking your horse wheel on the promenade strand, the\\nwine will be ripening in your cellars; whilst you will\\nbe spending the night in drinking, the bankers will be\\nincreasing your wealth. You have only to wish, and\\nyour desires become realities. You are the happiest of\\nmen but take care lest you drink one evening beyond\\nmeasure and lest you will no longer find your body\\nready for joys. That will be a great misfortune, for\\nall sorrows are consoled, except those. You will gallop\\nsome fine night in the forest with joyous companions\\nyour horse will make a false step, you will fall into a\\ntrench full of mire, and you will run the risk of your\\ncompanions, filled with wine, in the midst of their\\nglorious hilarity, not hearing your cries of anguish;", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0193.jp2"}, "184": {"fulltext": "144\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ntake care lest they pass without perceiving you, and lest\\nthe sound of their joy do not penetrate into the forest,\\nwhilst you are dragging yourself along in the darkness\\non your broken limbs. You will lose at gambling some\\nevening; fortune has its bad days. When you shall\\nhave returned home and sat at your fireside, beware of\\nstriking your brow, of letting grief moisten your eyelids,\\nand of casting your eyes here and there with bitterness,\\nas when one is looking for a friend be careful, espe-\\ncially about thinking all of a sudden, in your solitude,\\nof those who have over there, under some thatched roof,\\na peaceful household and who sleep holding each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nhand for, in front of you, on your splendid bed, will\\nbe seated, as your sole confidant, the pale creature who\\nis the lover of your crowns. You will recline upon her\\nto comfort your oppressed bosom, and she will make the\\nreflection that you are very sad, and that the loss must\\nbe considerable the tears in your eyes will cause her\\ngreat care, for they are capable of letting the dress grow\\nold that she is wearing, and of making the rings fall\\nfrom her fingers. Do not mention the name of him who\\nhas won from you that evening it might be that she\\nwould meet him to-morrow, and that she would make\\nsoft eyes to your ruin. That is what human weakness\\nis are you compelled to have it Are you a man\\nbe on your guard against disgust it is, moreover, an\\nincurable evil a corpse is worth more than a living\\nperson disgusted with living. Have you a heart be on", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0194.jp2"}, "185": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n145\\nyour guard against love it is worse than an evil for a\\ndebauchee, it is a ridiculous thing debauchees pay their\\nmistresses, and the woman who sells herself has the\\nright of contempt only over a single man in the world\\nhim who loves her. Have you passions? be on your\\nguard against your countenance it is a shame for a\\nsoldier to cast off his armor, and for a debauchee to\\nappear to hold to anything whatever; his glory con-\\nsists in touching nothing but with marble hands rubbed\\nwith oil, on which everything ought to slip. Are you\\nhot-headed If you want to live, learn to kill wine\\nis sometimes quarrelsome. Have you a conscience?\\nbe careful about your sleep a debauchee who repents\\ntoo late is like a vessel that takes water it can neither\\nreturn to land nor continue its voyage; it is all very\\nwell for the winds to drive it, the ocean attracts it, it\\nturns on itself and disappears. If you have a body, be\\non your guard against suffering; if you have a soul,\\nbe on your guard against despair. O unhappy man!\\nbeware of men as long as you walk in the way you\\nare in now, you will seem to see an immense plain on\\nwhich is displayed in flowery garlands a farandole of\\ndancers who hold one another like the rings of a chain\\nbut that is only a slight mirage those who look at\\ntheir feet know that they are dancing on a silk thread\\nstretched over an abyss, and that the abyss swallows up\\nmany silent falls without a ripple on its surface. May\\nyour foot not fail you Nature herself feels her divine", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0195.jp2"}, "186": {"fulltext": "146 THE CONFESSION OF A\\nsympathy withdraw from you the trees and the reeds no\\nlonger recognize you; you have falsified your mother\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nlaws, you are no longer the foster-children\u00e2\u0080\u0099s brother,\\nand the birds of the fields are silent on seeing you.\\nYou are alone. Be on your guard against God you\\nare alone before Him, standing up, like a cold statue,\\non the pedestal of your will. The rain of heaven no\\nlonger refreshes you, it undermines you, it torments you.\\nThe passing wind no longer gives you the kiss of life,\\nthe sacred communion of all that breathes it shakes\\nyou, it makes you stagger. Each woman whom you\\nembrace takes a spark of your strength without giving\\nyou back one of her own you are exhausting yourself\\non phantoms where a drop of your perspiration falls,\\nthere springs up one of the inauspicious plants that grow\\nin the cemeteries. Die you are the enemy of all that\\nloves sink into your solitude, do not wait for old age\\nleave no child on earth, do not fecundate a corrupted\\nblood; efface yourself like smoke, do not deprive the\\ngrowing grain of wheat of a ray of sunshine\\nAs I finished these words I fell into an arm-chair, and\\na stream of tears flowed from my eyes. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh! Desge-\\nnais,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed to myself sobbing, is not that what\\nyou have said to me? Did you not know it, then?\\nAnd, if you did know it, why did you not say so\\nBut Desgenais himself had his hands clasped he was\\nas pale as a shroud, and a slow tear trickled down his\\ncheek.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0196.jp2"}, "187": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n147\\nThere was a moment\u00e2\u0080\u0099s silence between us. The clock\\nstruck I suddenly thought that it was just a year ago\\non such a day, at such an hour, that I had discovered\\nthat my mistress was deceiving me.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cDo you hear that clock?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed to myself,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cdo you hear it? I do not know what it is striking\\nat present but it is a terrible hour, and one that will\\ncount in my life.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI spoke thus in a transport and without being able\\nto unravel what was passing within me. But almost\\nat the same instant a domestic entered the room hur-\\nriedly he took hold of my hand, led me aside, and said\\nto me in quite a low tone \u00e2\u0080\u009cMonsieur, I come to notify\\nyou that your father is dying he has just been seized\\nwith an attack of apoplexy, and the doctors despair of\\nhim.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0197.jp2"}, "188": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0198.jp2"}, "189": {"fulltext": "PART THIRD", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0199.jp2"}, "190": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0200.jp2"}, "191": {"fulltext": "PART THIRD\\nI\\nMy father lived in the country, some distance from\\nParis. When I arrived, I found the doctor at the door,\\nand he said to me: \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou have come too late; your\\nfather would have liked to see you for the last time.\\nI entered and saw my father dead. \u00e2\u0080\u009cMonsieur,\u00e2\u0080\u0099\u00e2\u0080\u0099 I\\nsaid to the doctor, I beg you to get everybody to\\nwithdraw and to leave me alone here my father had\\nsomething to say to me, and he will say it to me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAt my orders, the domestics went away; I then ap-\\nproached the bed, and gently raised the shroud that\\nalready covered the countenance. But, as soon as I\\nhad cast my eyes on him, I hurried to embrace him,\\nand lost consciousness.\\nI 5 l", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0201.jp2"}, "192": {"fulltext": "5 2\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nWhen I recovered, I heard some one saying \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf\\nhe asks, refuse him, no matter on what pretext.\u00e2\u0080\u0099 I\\nunderstood that they wanted to remove me from the\\ndeath-bed, and I feigned to have heard nothing. As\\nthey saw that I was tranquil, they left me. I waited\\nuntil everybody in the house had gone to bed, and\\ntaking a light, I betook myself to my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s room.\\nThere I found a young ecclesiastic alone, seated near\\nthe bed. \u00e2\u0080\u009cMonsieur,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him, to dispute with\\nan orphan the last vigil by his father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s side is a bold\\nundertaking I know not what they may have said to\\nyou. Remain in the next room; if there is anything\\nwrong, I will take it on myself.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nHe withdrew. A single candle placed on a table\\nlighted the bed; I sat on the ecclesiastic\u00e2\u0080\u0099s seat and\\ndiscovered once more those traits that I was never to\\nsee again. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat did you want to say to me, father?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI asked him: \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat was your last thought when seeking\\nyour child with your eyes\\nMy father kept a diary in which he was accustomed\\nto record everything that he did day by day. That\\ndiary was on the table, and I saw that it was open\\nI approached it and knelt down on the open page\\nwere these few words only: \u00e2\u0080\u009cAdieu, my son, I love\\nyou, and I am dying.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI did not shed a tear, not a sob escaped from my\\nlips my throat became contracted, and my mouth was\\nas if sealed I looked at my father without budging.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0202.jp2"}, "193": {"fulltext": "$art \u00c2\u00a9jtrto Chapter 5\\nbetook myself to my father s room. There found a\\nyoung ecclesiastic alone seated near the bed.\\nHe withdrew. A single candle placed on a table lighted\\nthe bed I sat on the ecclesiastic s seat and discovered once\\nmore those traits that I was never to see again. What\\ndid you want to say to me father? I asked him:\\nwhat was your last thought when seekmg your child\\nwith your eyes", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0203.jp2"}, "194": {"fulltext": "OTM Cv .S\u00c2\u00abW 0\\\\ ^ZV(SW oo\\\\o\\n.V ft *\\\\S\u00c2\u00bbW ,0W0\\\\ 0$\\\\z:0U0V*2ft \u00e2\u0096\u00a0^RW^\\no wo \\\\bw\u00c2\u00bbo K .osv^ V$v\u00c2\u00bb oW\\n00!ft0 YmVS fti ^owo \\\\sm iStafttatea* o wo V yi\\\\ oM\\n\\\\o^H .wso^o m o\\\\ tvs^w zxm VoM t s$*\\\\ ozo mow^\\nsws tataa .*w *A Mjtt o\\\\ \\\\woos wom^ Y*Vo\\n^Yu\\\\0 \\\\YW{_ WM\\\\03 \\\\$Y^WO Uo\\\\ ^WOM^ IfcOS \\\\O^OS\\nZ0\u00e2\u0080\u0099 0 ^WOM^ $YuOS", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0204.jp2"}, "195": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0205.jp2"}, "196": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0206.jp2"}, "197": {"fulltext": "timmm\\nP. Jazet inv\\nE. Al50t.se.\\ni", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0209.jp2"}, "198": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0210.jp2"}, "199": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n153\\nHe knew of my life, and my disorders had more\\nthan once given him reason for complaint or repri-\\nmand. I scarcely ever saw him that he did not speak\\nto me of my future, of my youth and of my follies.\\nHis advice had often snatched me from my evil destiny,\\nand was of great weight, for his life had been, from\\nbeginning to end, a model of virtue, peace, and good-\\nness. I expected that before dying he had wished to\\nsee me, so -as to try once more to turn me from the\\nway on which I had entered but death had come\\ntoo quickly; he had suddenly felt that he no longer\\nhad but a word to say, and he had said that he\\nloved me.\\n11\\nA little wooden railing surrounded my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s tomb.\\nIn accordance with his express will, manifested a long\\ntime back, he had been interred in the village ceme-\\ntery. Every day I went there, and I spent a part of\\nthe day on a little bench placed inside the tomb.\\nThe rest of the time I lived alone, in the very house\\nin which he had died, and I had with me only a\\nsingle male servant.\\nWhatever pain the passions may cause, the sorrows\\nof life must not be compared with those of death. The", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0211.jp2"}, "200": {"fulltext": "J 54\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nfirst thing that I had felt on sitting beside my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nbed, is that I was an unreasonable child, who knew\\nnothing and was acquainted with nothing I may even\\ngo as far as to say that my heart felt a physical pain\\non account of his death, and I sometimes twisted my-\\nself while wringing my hands, like an apprentice on\\nawaking.\\nDuring the first months that I remained in that\\ncountry, it did not occur to my mind to think either\\nof the past or of the future. It did not seem to me\\nthat it was I who had lived until then what I expe-\\nrienced was not despair and in no respect resembled\\nthose fierce sufferings that I had felt; it was only\\nlanguor in all my actions, like weariness of and indif-\\nference to everything, but with a poignant bitterness\\nthat was gnawing me internally. All day I held a\\nbook in my hand, but I scarcely read, or, to express\\nit better, not at all, and I know not of what I was\\ndreaming. I had no thoughts; everything in me was\\nsilence; I had received a blow so violent and at the\\nsame time so prolonged, that I had come out of it,\\nas it were, a purely passive being, and nothing in me\\nreacted.\\nMy servant, whose name was Larive, had been very\\nmuch attached to my father he was, perhaps, after\\nmy father himself, the best man whom I had ever\\nknown. He was of the same build as my father and\\nwore his clothes, for, having no livery, my father gave", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0212.jp2"}, "201": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n*55\\nthem to him. He was of almost the same age, that is,\\nhis hair was turning gray, and, for the twenty years\\nthat he had not left my father, he had adopted some-\\nthing of his ways. While I was walking in the room\\nafter dinner, going and coming lengthwise and cross-\\nwise, I heard him doing in the antechamber just as I\\nwas doing though the door was open, he never entered,\\nand we said not a word to each other but from time to\\ntime we saw each other weep. The evenings passed\\nthus, and the sun was long set when I thought of asking\\nfor a light, or he of bringing me one.\\nEverything had remained in the house in the same\\norder as before, and we had not disarranged even a\\npiece of paper there. The large leather arm-chair in\\nwhich my father sat was near the fire-place his table,\\nhis books, placed in like manner I respected even the\\ndust on his furniture, which he did not like any one to\\ndisarrange in order to dust it. That lonely house,\\naccustomed to silence and the most tranquil life, had\\ntaken notice of nothing it seemed to me only that the\\nwalls sometimes regarded me with pity, when I envel-\\noped myself in my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s dressing-gown and sat down\\nin his arm-chair. A weak voice seemed to be raised and\\nto say: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhere has the father gone? we see indeed\\nthat this is the orphan.\\nI received several letters from Paris, and to all I\\nanswered that I wished to spend the summer alone in\\nthe country, as my father had been accustomed to do.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0213.jp2"}, "202": {"fulltext": "156 THE CONFESSION OF A\\nI began to feel this truth, that in all evils there is ever\\nsomething good, and that a great sorrow, whatever one\\nmay say of it, is a great rest. Whatever be the news\\nthey bring, when God\u00e2\u0080\u0099s envoys slap us on the shoulder,\\nthey always do that good work of reawakening life in us,\\nand where they speak, all is silence. Passing sorrows\\nblaspheme and accuse Heaven great sorrows neither\\naccuse nor blaspheme, they listen.\\nIn the morning, I spent whole hours in contemplation\\nof nature. My windows looked out on a deep valley,\\nand in the middle arose the village bell-tower; all was\\npoor and peaceful. The sight of spring, of the opening\\nflowers and leaves, did not produce on me that gloomy\\neffect of which the poets speak, who in the contrasts\\nof life find a mockery of death. I believe that this\\nfrivolous idea, if it be not a mere antithesis made to\\npleasure, belongs as yet in reality only to hearts that\\nbut half feel. The gambler who leaves at daybreak, his\\neyes inflamed and his hands empty, may feel himself\\nat war with nature, as the torch of a hideous vigil but\\nwhat can the growing leaves say to a child who mourns\\nhis father? The tears in his eyes are sisters of the\\ndew the willow leaves are tears themselves. It is while\\nlooking at the heavens, the woods, and the meadows\\nthat I understand what men are who imagine they are\\nconsoling themselves.\\nLarive was no more desirous of consoling me than of\\nconsoling himself. At the time of my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s death, he", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0214.jp2"}, "203": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 157\\nhad been afraid lest I should sell the house and take\\nhim to Paris. I do not know whether he was informed\\nof my past life, but he had shown me uneasiness at first,\\nand, when he saw me installed, his first look went to my\\nheart. It was on a day on which I had a large portrait\\nof my father brought from Paris; I had it put in the\\ndining-room. When Larive entered to serve, he saw it\\nhe stood as if uncertain, looking sometimes at the por-\\ntrait, sometimes at me; there was a joy so sad in his\\neyes that I could not resist it. He seemed to say to me:\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat happiness! we are going, then, to suffer in\\npeace I extended my hand to him, and he covered\\nit with kisses, sobbing.\\nHe, so to say, took care of my grief, as being the\\nmistress of his. When I went in the morning to my\\nfather\u00e2\u0080\u0099s tomb, I found him there watering the flowers;\\nas soon as he saw me, he left and returned to the house.\\nHe followed me on my walks; as I was on horseback\\nand he on foot, I never wanted him but, as soon as I\\nhad gone a hundred paces in the valley, I perceived him\\nbehind me, his stick in his hand and wiping his brow. I\\nbought a small horse for him that belonged to a peasant\\nof the neighborhood, and we thus betook ourselves to\\ntraversing the woods.\\nThere were in the village some acquaintances who\\noften came to the house. My door was closed against\\nthem, though I regretted that but I could not see\\nany one without impatience. Shut up in my solitude, I", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0215.jp2"}, "204": {"fulltext": "158\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthought, after some time, of looking up my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\npapers. Larive brought them to me with pious respect\\nand, detaching the tape with a trembling hand, he spread\\nthem out before me.\\nOn reading the first few pages I felt in my heart that\\nfreshness which vivifies the air around a tranquil lake\\nthe sweet serenity of my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s soul was exhaled like\\na perfume of dried leaves in proportion as I unfolded\\nthem. The diary of his life reappeared before me I\\ncould count, day by day, the beatings of that noble\\nheart. I began to bury myself in a sweet and profound\\ndream, and, despite the serious and firm character that\\ndominated everywhere, I discovered an ineffable grace,\\nthe peaceful flower of his goodness. Whilst I was read-\\ning, the memory of his death was incessantly mingled\\nwith the story of his life I cannot tell with what sad-\\nness I followed that limpid brook that I had seen fall\\ninto the ocean.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cOh, just man!\u00e2\u0080\u0099\u00e2\u0080\u0099 I exclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009cman without fear\\nand without reproach what candor in thy experience\\nThy devotedness to thy friends, thy divine tenderness\\nfor my mother, thy admiration for nature, thy sublime\\nlove of God, that was thy life; there was no place in\\nthy heart for anything else. The virgin snow on the\\nmountain peaks is not more pure than thy holy old age\\nthy white hair resembled it. O father O father give\\nit to me it is younger than my blond head. Let me\\nlive and die like thee; I want to plant on the earth", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0216.jp2"}, "205": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n159\\nwhere you sleep, the green branch of my new life I will\\nwater it with my tears, and the God of orphans will let\\nthat pious grass grow on the grief of a child and the\\nmemory of an old man.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAfter having read those cherished papers, I classified\\nthem in order. I also then made the resolution to write\\nmy diary; I had one bound similar to my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s, and,\\ncarefully looking through his for the least occupations of\\nhis life, I took it on me as a task to make mine conform\\nto it. Thus, at each moment of the day, the clock as\\nit ticked made the tears come to my eyes: \u00e2\u0080\u009cThat,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nsaid to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009cis what my father did at this hour;\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nand whether it was a reading, a walk, or a meal, I never\\nmissed it. I accustomed myself in this way to a calm\\nand regular life; there was in that punctual exactness\\nan infinite charm to my heart. I went to sleep with a\\nhappiness that my sadness made more agreeable to me.\\nMy father concerned himself a great deal with gardening\\nthe rest of the day, study, walking, a fair division between\\nthe exercises of the body and those of the mind. At the\\nsame time I inherited his habits of beneficence, and con-\\ntinued to do for the unfortunate what he himself had\\ndone. I began to look in my rounds for the people who\\nhad need of me there was no scarcity of them in the\\nvalley. Ere long I was known to the poor shall I say it?\\nyes, I will say it boldly where the heart is good, sorrow\\nis healthy. For the first time in my life I was happy.\\nGod blessed my tears, and sorrow taught me virtue.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0217.jp2"}, "206": {"fulltext": "i6o\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nm\\nAs I was walking one evening in a linden alley, at the\\nentrance to the village, I saw a young woman leaving a\\ndetached house. She was dressed very simply and\\nveiled, so that I could not see her countenance yet her\\nfigure and walk seemed to me so charming that I fol-\\nlowed her with my eyes for some time. As she was\\ncrossing a neighboring meadow, a white goat that was\\ngrazing at liberty in a field ran to her she gave it some\\ncaresses and looked on one side and then on the other,\\nas if in search of a favorite grass to give to it. I saw a\\nwild mulberry-tree near me I plucked a branch from it\\nand advanced holding it in my hand. The goat came\\ntowards me with measured steps, with a timid air then\\nit stopped, not daring to take the branch from my hand.\\nIts mistress made a sign to it as if to embolden it, but\\nit looked at her in a restless way she took a few steps\\ntowards me, laid her hand on the branch, which the\\ngoat at once seized. I saluted her, and she continued\\nher journey.\\nOn my return home, I asked Larive if he did not\\nknow who lived in the village at the place that I de-\\nscribed to him it was a small house of modest appear-\\nance, with a garden. He knew it; the only two\\noccupants were an aged woman passing for being very", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0218.jp2"}, "207": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n161\\ndevout, and a young woman whose name was Madame\\nPierson. It was she whom I had seen. I asked him who\\nshe was, and if she came to my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house. He\\nreplied that she was a widow, led a retired life, and that\\nhe had seen her sometimes, but rarely, at my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s.\\nNothing further was said of her, and, going out again\\nthereupon, I returned to my lindens, where I sat on a\\nbench.\\nI know not what sadness took possession of me all of\\na sudden on seeing the goat return to me. I arose, and,\\nas if by distraction, looking along the path that Madame\\nPierson had taken on her departure, I followed it in quite\\na dreamy way, so much so that I wandered far up the\\nmountain.\\nIt was nearly eleven o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock in the evening when I\\nthought of returning; as I had walked a great deal, I\\ndirected my steps towards a farm-house that I noticed,\\nto ask for a cup of milk and a slice of bread. At the\\nsame time, large drops of rain that were beginning to\\nfall betold a storm that I wanted to let pass over.\\nThough there was light and I heard comings and\\ngoings, no one answered me when I knocked, so that I\\napproached a window to look whether there was any\\none there.\\nI saw a large fire lighted in the lower hall the farmer,\\nwhom I knew, was seated near his bed I knocked on\\nthe panes while calling him. At the same moment\\nthe door opened, and I was surprised to see Madame", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0219.jp2"}, "208": {"fulltext": "162\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nPierson, whom I recognized at once, and who asked me\\nwho was outside.\\nI so little expected to find her there that she noticed\\nmy astonishment. I entered the room, asking her per-\\nmission to shelter myself. I did not imagine what she\\ncould be doing at such an hour at a farm-house almost\\nlost far in the country, when a plaintive voice that came\\nfrom the bed made me turn my head around, and I\\nsaw that the farmer\u00e2\u0080\u0099s wife was lying with death on her\\ncountenance.\\nMadame Pierson, who had followed me, had sat down\\nin front of the poor man, who seemed overwhelmed\\nwith grief she gave me a sign not to make any noise\\nthe patient was asleep. I took a chair and sat in a\\ncorner until the storm should pass over.\\nWhile I remained there, I saw her arise from time to\\ntime, go to the bed, and speak low to the farmer. One\\nof the children, whom I drew upon my knees, told me\\nthat she came every evening since his mother was sick,\\nand that she sometimes spent the night there. She\\nfilled the office of a Sister of Charity; there was no one\\nbut her in the country, and a single physician who was\\nvery ignorant. \u00e2\u0080\u009cShe is Brigitte la Rose,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said to\\nme in a low voice \u00e2\u0080\u009cdo you not know her\\nNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him in the same way why do they\\ncall her so He answered that he knew nothing of\\nit, unless it was, perhaps, that she had been a rose\\nwinner, and that the name had stuck to her.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0220.jp2"}, "209": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n163\\nMadame Pierson, however, no longer had on her veil\\nI could see her features uncovered just as the child left\\nme, I raised my head. She was near the bed, holding a\\ncup in her hand and offering it to the farmer\u00e2\u0080\u0099s wife, who\\nhad awakened. She seemed to me pale and somewhat\\nthin her hair was of an ashy blond. She was not regu-\\nlarly beautiful; what shall I say of her? Her large black\\neyes were fixed on those of the patient, and that poor\\nbeing at death\u00e2\u0080\u0099s door was looking at her also. There\\nwas, in that simple exchange of charity and gratitude,\\na beauty that is not spoken.\\nThe rain redoubled a deep darkness hung over the\\ndeserted fields, which violent claps of thunder lit up at\\nmoments. The roar of the storm, the moaning wind,\\nthe wrath of the elements let loose on the thatch roof,\\nby their contrast with the religious silence of the cabin,\\ngave still more sanctity and, as it were, a strange\\ngrandeur to the scene to which I was a witness. I\\nlooked at the pallet, those drenched window-panes, the\\npuffs of thick smoke driven back by the storm, the stolid\\ndejection of the farmer, the superstitious terror of the\\nchildren, all that outside fury laying siege to a dying\\nwoman and when in the midst of all that, I saw this\\nwoman sweet and pale and coming on tiptoe, not leaving\\noff her patient well-doing for a minute, not seeming to\\nnotice anything, either the storm, or our presence, or\\nher own courage, unless one had need of her, it seemed\\nto me that there was in that tranquil work something", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0221.jp2"}, "210": {"fulltext": "164\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nindescribably more serene than the most beautiful cloud-\\nless sky, and that a superhuman creature, indeed, was she\\nwho, surrounded by so much horror, did not for a single\\ninstant doubt her God.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat, then, is that woman?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I questioned myself.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhence comes she? How long has she been here?\\nFor a long time, since they remember having seen her\\na rose winner. How is it I have not heard her spoken\\nof? She comes alone to this hut, at this hour? When\\none danger will no longer call her, she will go in search\\nof another? Yes, through all these storms, all these\\nforests, all these mountains, she goes and comes, simple\\nand veiled, bearing life where it is failing, holding this\\nfragile little cup, caressing her goat as she passes. It is\\nwith that silent and calm step that she herself walks to\\ndeath. That is what she has been doing in this valley\\nwhile I have been making the rounds of the gambling\\nhouses; she was born there, no doubt, and they will\\nbury her there in a corner of the cemetery, beside\\nmy dearly beloved father. Thus will die this obscure\\nwoman, of whom no one speaks and about whom the\\nchildren ask Is it possible that you do not know\\nher?\u00e2\u0080\u0099\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI cannot tell what I felt I was motionless in a corner,\\nI breathed only in trembling, and it seemed to me that\\nif I had tried to aid her, if I had extended a hand to\\nspare her a step, I should have committed a sacrilege\\nand touched sacred vessels.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0222.jp2"}, "211": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\ni6 5\\nThe storm lasted nearly two hours. When it had\\nsubsided, the patient, having sat up, began to say that\\nshe felt better and that what she had taken did her good.\\nThe children ran at once to her bed, looking at their\\nmother with half-doubting, half-gladdened, staring eyes,\\nand hanging on to Madame Pierson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s dress.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI really think so,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said the husband, who did not\\nbudge from his place; \u00e2\u0080\u009cwe have had a Mass said, and\\nit has cost us a great deal\\nAt this gross and stupid expression, I looked at\\nMadame Pierson her sunken eyes, her paleness, the\\nattitude of her body, clearly showed her fatigue, and\\nthat the vigils were exhausting her. Ah my poor\\nman,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said the patient, \u00e2\u0080\u009cmay God give it back to\\nyou!\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI could not hold out any longer I arose as if carried\\naway by the stupidity of those brutes, who for the\\ncharity of an angel gave thanks to the avarice of their\\npastor I was ready to reproach them for their base in-\\ngratitude and to treat them as they deserved. Madame\\nPierson raised up one of the farmer\u00e2\u0080\u0099s children in her\\narms, and said to it with a smile: \u00e2\u0080\u009cEmbrace your\\nmother, she is saved.\u00e2\u0080\u009d I stopped on hearing these\\nwords never has the unaffected satisfaction of a happy\\nand benevolent soul been pictured with such frankness\\non so sweet a countenance. All of a sudden, I no longer\\nfound on it either her fatigue or her paleness she was\\nradiant with all the purity of her joy and she also gave", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0223.jp2"}, "212": {"fulltext": "1 66\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthanks to God. The patient had just spoken, and what\\nmattered it what she had said\\nA few moments later, however, Madame Pierson told\\nthe children to wake up the farm-boy, in order that he\\nmight take her back. I advanced to offer myself as her\\nescort I told her it was useless to wake up the boy, as\\nI was returning by the same road, that she would do me\\nan honor by accepting. She asked me if I was not\\nOctave de T I answered that I was, and that she\\nperhaps remembered my father. It seemed to me singu-\\nlar that this request made her smile she cheerfully took\\nmy arm, and we departed.\\nIV\\nWe walked in silence the wind had lulled the\\ntrees trembled gently as they threw the rain from their\\nbranches. Some distant lightning flashes still shone.\\nA perfume of humid verdure arose in the cooled air.\\nThe sky soon became clear again, and the moon clothed\\nthe mountain in light.\\nI could not help thinking of the oddity of chance,\\nwhich, in so short a time, thus made me find myself\\nalone, at night, in a lonely country, the traveling com-\\npanion of a woman of whose existence I had no knowl-\\nedge at sunrise. She had accepted my escort for the\\nname that I bore, and walked with assurance, leaning", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0224.jp2"}, "213": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n167\\non my arm in a careless way. It seemed to me that this\\nconfidence was quite bold or quite simple and it must\\nindeed have been both, for at each step that we took I\\nfelt my heart become proud and innocent.\\nWe began to converse about the patient whom she was\\nleaving, of what we saw on the way it did not occur to\\nus to put questions to each other as new acquaintances.\\nShe spoke to me of my father, and always in the same\\ntone as she had assumed when I had first recalled his\\nmemory to her, that is, almost cheerfully. In propor-\\ntion as I listened to her, I thought I understood why,\\nand why she spoke thus not only of death, but of life,\\nof suffering, and of everything in the world. It was\\nthat human sufferings taught her nothing that could\\naccuse God, and I felt the piety of her smile.\\nI told her of the solitary life that I was leading. Her\\naunt, she said to me, saw my father more frequently than\\nshe herself did they played cards together after dinner.\\nShe made me promise to go to her house, where I should\\nbe welcome.\\nAbout the middle of the journey she felt fatigued,\\nand sat down for some moments on a bench that the\\nthick trees had protected from the rain. I remained\\nstanding in front of her, and I was looking at the pale\\nrays of the moon falling on her forehead. After a\\nmoment\u00e2\u0080\u0099s silence, she arose, and seeing me absent-\\nminded, \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat are you thinking of?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said to me;\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cit is time to resume our walk.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0225.jp2"}, "214": {"fulltext": "i68\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI was thinking,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhy God created you,\\nand I was saying to myself that indeed it was to heal\\nthose who are suffering.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cThat is an expression,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhich in your\\nmouth can hardly be anything else than a compliment.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBecause to me you seem quite young.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIt sometimes happens,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, that one is\\nolder than he looks.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she replied laughingly, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand it also happens\\nthat one is younger than he talks.\\nDo you not believe in experience?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI know that it is the name most men give to their\\nfollies and to their sorrows what can one know at your\\nage?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nMadame, a man of twenty may have lived more\\nthan a woman of thirty. The liberty that men enjoy\\nleads them much more speedily to the bottom of all\\nthings; they run unshackled towards all that attracts\\nthem they try everything. As soon as they hope, they\\nset out on the march, they go, they hurry. Having at-\\ntained their end, they turn back hope has remained on\\nthe way, and happiness has failed to keep its promise.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAs I spoke thus, we were at the top of a little hill\\nthat sloped down into the valley Madame Pierson, as\\nif invited by the rapid descent, took to jumping lightly.\\nWithout knowing why, I did as she was doing we both\\nbegan running without letting go of each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s arms;", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0226.jp2"}, "215": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n169\\nthe slippery grass drew us on. At last, like two stunned\\nbirds, while jumping and laughing, we found ourselves\\nat the foot of the mountain.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cSee,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Madame Pierson, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI was fatigued a\\nmoment ago now I am no longer so. And would you\\nbelieve me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she added, in a charming tone, \u00e2\u0080\u009ctreat\\nyour experience somewhat as I treat my fatigue. We\\nhave run a good race, and we will sup with the better\\nappetite on that account.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nv\\nI went to see her next day. I found her at her piano,\\nthe old aunt embroidering at the window, her little room\\nfilled with flowers, the finest sunshine in the world\\ncoming through her Venetian blinds, and a large bird-\\ncage alongside of her.\\nI expected to see in her almost a nun, at least one\\nof those provincial women who know nothing of what\\nis going on two leagues away, and who live in a cer-\\ntain circle outside of which they never go. I acknowl-\\nedge that these secluded existences, that are, as it were,\\nburied here and there in cities, under thousands of un-\\nknown roofs, have always had a terror for me like stag-\\nnant cisterns the air there seems to me not fit to live in\\nin all that is forgotten on earth, there is a little of death.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0227.jp2"}, "216": {"fulltext": "THE CONFESSION OF A\\n170\\nMadame Pierson had the newspapers and new books\\non her table it is quite true that she scarcely touched\\nthem. Despite the simplicity of her surroundings, of\\nher furniture, of her apparel, fashion, that is, novelty,\\nlife, was evident there; she neither put it on nor con-\\ncerned herself with it, but all that was manifest. What\\nstruck me in her tastes was that nothing was odd\\nthere, but only youthful and pleasant. Her conversa-\\ntion showed a finished education there was nothing of\\nwhich she did not speak well and easily. Though one saw\\nthat she was artless, at the same time one felt that she was\\nprofound, richly gifted a vast and free understanding\\nthere hovered sweetly over a simple heart and over the\\nhabits of a retired life. The sea-swallow, which zigzags in\\nthe azure of the heavens, hovers thus from a cloudy height\\nover the tuft of grass in which she has built her nest.\\nWe talked literature, music, and touched on politics.\\nShe had gone in winter to Paris; from time to time she\\nglanced at the world what she saw of it served as a\\ntheme, and the rest was guessed at.\\nBut what distinguished her above all was a pleasant-\\nness which, without amounting to delight, was unaltera-\\nble one would have said that she was born a flower,\\nand that its perfume was gayety.\\nWith her paleness and her large black eyes, I cannot\\nsay how striking that was, without taking into account\\nthat, from time to time, at certain words, at certain\\nlooks, it was clear to be seen that she had suffered and", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0228.jp2"}, "217": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 171\\nthat life had not spared her. I do not know what it\\nwas in her that told you that the sweet serenity of her\\nbrow had not come from this world, but that she had\\nreceived it from God and that she would give it back to\\nHim faithfully, in spite of men, without losing anything\\nof it and there were moments when one recalled the\\nhousekeeper who, when the air is stirring, puts her hand\\nin front of her candle.\\nAs soon as I had spent a half-hour in her room, I\\ncould not help telling her all that I had in my heart.\\nI thought of my past life, of my sorrows, of my weari-\\nness I moved about, leaning over the flowers, breathing\\nthe air, looking at the sun. I begged her to sing, she\\ndid so with good grace. During that time I was resting\\nagainst the window and I was looking at her birds hop-\\nping about. An expression of Montaigne\u00e2\u0080\u0099s came into\\nmy head I neither love nor esteem sadness, though the\\nworld has undertaken, as if at a fixed price, to honor it\\nwith special favor. They clothe with it wisdom, virtue,\\nconscience. Stupid and mean adornment.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhat happiness I exclaimed in spite of myself,\\nwhat rest what joy what forgetfulness\\nThe good aunt raised her head and looked at me with\\nan air of astonishment; Madame Pierson stopped short.\\nI became as red as fire, feeling my folly, and I went and\\nsat down without saying a word.\\nWe went down to the garden. The white goat that\\nI had seen the evening before was lying there on the", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0229.jp2"}, "218": {"fulltext": "172\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ngrass it came to her as soon as it saw her,- and followed\\nus familiarly.\\nAt the first turn of the alley, a large young man, of\\npale countenance, enveloped in a sort of black cassock,\\nsuddenly appeared at the gate. He entered without\\nknocking, and came to greet Madame Pierson it seemed\\nto me that his countenance, which I already found of\\nbad omen, became a little darkened on seeing me. He\\nwas a priest whom I had seen in the village, and whose\\nname was Mercanson he came from Saint-Sulpice, and\\nthe pastor of the place was his relative.\\nHe was, at the same time, stout and pallid, a fact\\nthat has always struck me unfavorably, and which, in-\\ndeed, makes a bad impression it is a counter-meaning,\\nis that sickly health. Besides, he had a slow and jerky\\nway of talking that betokened a pedant. His very walk,\\nwhich was neither young nor easy, shocked me as for\\nhis look, one might say that he had none. I do not\\nknow what to think of a man whose eyes tell me nothing.\\nThose are the signs by which I had judged Mercanson,\\nand which, unfortunately, did not deceive me.\\nHe sat down on a bench and began to speak of Paris,\\nwhich he called the modern Babylon. He came from\\nthere, he knew everybody; he went to Madame de\\nB \u00e2\u0080\u0099s, who was an angel; he delivered sermons in\\nher parlor, people listened to them on their knees. The\\nworst of the matter is that it was true. One of his\\nfriends, whom he had brought there, had just been", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0230.jp2"}, "219": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n*73\\nexpelled from college for having seduced a girl, which\\nwas terrible indeed, very sad. He paid a thousand\\ncompliments to Madame Pierson on the charitable\\nhabits that she had contracted in the country he had\\nlearned of her benefactions, the attentions that she\\nbestowed on the sick, even to watching over them in\\nperson. It was very noble, very real; he would not\\nfail to speak of it at Saint-Sulpice. Did he not seem\\nto say that he would not fail to speak of it to God\\nWearied by this harangue, so as not to shrug my\\nshoulders at it, I had lain down on the grass, and I was\\nplaying with the goat. Mercanson lowered on me his\\ndull and lifeless eye: \u00e2\u0080\u009cThe famous Vergniaud,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he\\nsaid, \u00e2\u0080\u009chad that mania for sitting on the ground and\\nplaying with animals.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cIt is a mania,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cquite innocent, Mon-\\nsieur l\u00e2\u0080\u0099Abbe. If people had only such, folks might get\\nalong all alone, without so many people wishing to\\nmeddle.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nMy reply did not please him he knit his brow and\\nspoke of something else. He was entrusted with a com-\\nmission his relative, the village pastor, had spoken\\nto him of a poor devil who had not the wherewith to\\nbuy his bread. He lived at such a place he had been\\nthere himself, he had interested himself in the case he\\nhoped that Madame Pierson\\nI looked at her during that time, and I waited for her\\nto answer, as if the sound of her voice would have", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0231.jp2"}, "220": {"fulltext": "174\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ncured me of that of this priest. She only made a\\nprofound bow, and he withdrew.\\nWhen he had left, our gayety returned. A suggestion\\nwas made that we should go to a greenhouse that was at\\nthe foot of the garden.\\nMadame Pierson treated her flowers as she did her\\nbirds and her peasants; everything had to be healthy\\naround her, each must have its drop of water and its\\nray of sunshine, so that she might herself be as gay and\\nhappy as a good angel and so nothing was better kept\\nor more charming than her little greenhouse. When\\nwe had made the tour of it, \u00e2\u0080\u009cMonsieur de T\\nshe said to me, that is my little world you have seen\\nall that I possess, and my domain ends here.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMadame,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009clet my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s name,\\nwhich has gained for me the favor of entering here,\\npermit me to return hither, and I will believe that\\nhappiness has not altogether forgotten me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe extended her hand to me, and I touched it with\\nrespect, not daring to carry it to my lips.\\nEvening having come, I returned home, shut my door\\nand went to bed. I had a small white house before my\\neyes; I saw myself going out after dinner, traversing\\nthe village and the promenade, and going to knock at\\nthe gate. O my poor heart I exclaimed, God be\\npraised you are still young, you may live, you may\\nlove", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0232.jp2"}, "221": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nl 7S\\nVI\\nI was one evening at Madame Pierson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s. More than\\nthree months had passed, during which I had seen her\\nalmost every day and of that time what shall I say to\\nyou, except that I saw her? To be with people whom\\none loves,\u00e2\u0080\u009d says La Bruyere, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthat suffices; to dream,\\nto speak to them, not to speak to them, to think of\\nthem, to think of the most indifferent things, but near\\nthem, it is all the same.\\nI loved. During the past three months we had taken\\nlong walks together I was initiated in the mysteries of\\nher modest charity we traversed the dark alleys, she on\\na small horse, I on foot, a stick in my hand thus, half\\nstory-telling, half dreaming, we went to knock at the\\ncabins. There was a little bench at the entrance to the\\nwood where I went to wait for her after dinner. We\\nfound each other in this way as if by chance and regu-\\nlarly. In the morning, music, reading in the evening,\\nwith the aunt, card parties by the fireside, as formerly\\nwith my father and always, in every place, she near,\\nshe smiling, and her presence filling my heart. By\\nwhat way, O Providence have you led me to misfor-\\ntune? what irrevocable destiny, then, was I charged\\nto carry out What a life so free, an intimacy so", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0233.jp2"}, "222": {"fulltext": "176\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ncharming, so much rest, nascent hope O God\\nof what do men complain what is there sweeter than to\\nlove?\\nTo live, yes, to feel strongly, profoundly, that one\\nexists, that one is a man, created by God, that is the\\nfirst, the greatest benefit of love. Beyond a doubt, love\\nis an inexplicable mystery. With whatever chains,\\nwith whatever mysteries, and I will even say with what-\\never disgusts the world has surrounded it, all buried as\\nit is there under a mountain of prejudices which dis-\\nfigure and deprave it, in all the filth through which\\none drags it, love, vivacious and fatal love, is none the\\nless a celestial law as powerful and as incomprehensible\\nas that which suspends the sun in the heavens. What, I\\nask you, is it but a bond stronger, more solid than iron,\\nand which one can neither see nor touch? What is it to\\nmeet a woman, to look at her, to say a word to her and\\nnever more to forget her? Why that one rather than\\nanother? Invoke reason, habit, the senses, the head,\\nthe heart, and explain, if you can. You will find only\\ntwo bodies, one there, the other here, and between\\nthem, what? air, space, immensity. O madmen who\\nbelieve yourselves men and who dare to reason of love\\ndo you possess it so as to speak of it? No, you have\\nfelt it. You have exchanged a look with an unknown\\nbeing who was passing, and suddenly there has flown\\nfrom you a something indescribable that has no name.\\nYou have taken root in earth, like the grain hidden in", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0234.jp2"}, "223": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n177\\nthe grass which feels that life is raising it, and that it is\\ngoing to become a harvest.\\nWe were alone, the window open, there was at the\\nfarther end of the garden a small fountain, the noise of\\nwhich reached us. O God I could count drop by drop\\nall the water that has fallen in it whilst we were seated,\\nwhilst she was speaking and I was answering. It was there\\nthat I became intoxicated with her beyond all reason.\\nIt is said that there is nothing so rapid as a feeling of\\nantipathy but I believe that one divines even more\\nquickly that one is understood and that one is about\\nto be loved. Of what value, then, are the slightest\\nwords What matters it of what the lips speak, when\\none hears hearts respond\\nWhat infinite sweetness in the first looks of a woman\\nwho attracts you At first it seems as if all that they\\nsay in each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s presence is like timid essays, like\\nslight trials ere long is born a strange joy one feels\\nthat one has sounded an echo one is animated with a\\ndouble life. What a touch what an approach And,\\nwhen one is sure of being loved, when one has recog-\\nnized in the cherished being, the fraternity that one\\nlooks for there, what serenity in the soul Speech\\ndies of its own accord; one knows in advance what\\none is going to say souls reach out, lips are silent.\\nOh what silence what forgetfulness of everything\\nThough my love, which had begun from the first\\nday, had increased to excess, the respect that I had for", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0235.jp2"}, "224": {"fulltext": "1 7 8\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nMadame Pierson had, however, closed my lips. If she\\nhad admitted me less easily to intimacy with her, I\\nwould perhaps have been more bold, for she had made\\nso violent an impression on me that I never left her\\nwithout transports of love. But, in her very frankness\\nand in the confidence that she showed in me, there\\nwas something that stopped me besides, it was on my\\nfather\u00e2\u0080\u0099s name that she had treated me as a friend. This\\nconsideration made me still more respectful towards her;\\nI was bound to show myself worthy of that name.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cTo speak of love,\u00e2\u0080\u009d it is said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cis to make love.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWe seldom spoke of it. Every time that it happened to\\nme to touch on this subject casually, Madame Pierson\\nscarcely replied and spoke of something else. I did not\\nquestion for what reason, for it was not prudery; but it\\nseemed to me sometimes that her countenance assumed\\non those occasions a slight tinge of severity and even of\\nsuffering. As I had never put any question to her about\\nher past life, and as I did not want to do so, I asked her\\nabout it no further.\\nOn Sunday there was dancing in the village; she\\nnearly always went there. On those days her toilet,\\nthough always simple, was more elegant it was a flower\\nin her hair, a brighter ribbon, the slightest trifle; but\\nthere was in her whole person a more youthful, a more\\neasy air. Dancing, which she liked very much on its\\nown account, and avowedly, as an amusing exercise,\\ninspired her with a playful gayety she had her station", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0236.jp2"}, "225": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n179\\nunder the small orchestra of the place she came there\\njumping, laughing with the country girls, who nearly all\\nknew her. Once started, she did not check herself.\\nThen it seemed to me that she spoke to me with more\\nfreedom than ordinarily there was, besides, an unwonted\\nfamiliarity. I did not dance, being still in mourning\\nbut I remained behind her, and, seeing her so well\\ndisposed, I had felt more than once the temptation to\\nconfess to her that I loved her.\\nBut I know not why, as soon as I thought of it, I felt\\nin me an invincible fear this very idea of an avowal\\nmade me suddenly serious in the midst of the liveliest\\nconversations. I had sometimes thought of writing to\\nher, but I burned my letters as soon as I had half written\\nthem.\\nThat evening I had dined at her house, I looked at\\nall that tranquillity of her interior I thought of the\\nquiet life that I was leading, of my happiness since I\\nknew her, and I said to myself Why more? does not\\nthat suffice thee Who knows God has perhaps done\\nno more for thee. If I told her that I love her, what\\nwould come of it? she would perhaps forbid me to\\nsee her. Shall I, by telling it to her, make her more\\nhappy than she is to-day should I be more happy for it\\nmyself?\\nI was leaning on the piano, and, as I was making\\nthese reflections, sadness took possession of me. Day\\nwas declining, she lit a candle; on returning to sit", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0237.jp2"}, "226": {"fulltext": "go the confession of a\\ndown, she saw that a tear had escaped from my eyes.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat is the matter with you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said. I turned\\naway my head.\\nI was looking for an excuse and found none I was\\nafraid to meet her gaze. I arose and was at the window.\\nThe air was mild, the moon was rising behind the linden\\nalley, that one where I had seen her for the first time. I\\nfell into a deep reverie, I forgot her very presence, and,\\nextending my arms towards heaven, a sob escaped from\\nmy heart.\\nShe had arisen, and she was behind me. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat is\\nit, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she again asked. I answered her that my\\nfather\u00e2\u0080\u0099s death had been recalled to my thought at the\\nsight of that vast solitary valley I took leave of her and\\nleft.\\nWhy I was determined to be silent as to my love, I\\ncould not explain to myself. Yet, instead of returning\\nhome, I began to wander like a madman in the village\\nand in the wood. I sat down where I found a bench,\\nthen I arose hurriedly. About midnight I approached\\nMadame Pierson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house she was at the window. On\\nseeing her, I felt myself tremble; I wanted to retrace\\nmy steps I was as if fascinated I came slowly and\\nsadly to sit down below her.\\nI know not whether she recognized me I was but a\\nfew moments there when I heard her, with her sweet\\nand fresh voice, singing the refrain of a romance, and\\nalmost immediately a flower fell on my shoulder. It", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0238.jp2"}, "227": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n181\\nwas a rose which, that very evening, I had seen on her\\nbosom I picked it up and carried it to my lips.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWho,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cis there at this hour? is it you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nshe called me by name.\\nThe garden gate was open I arose without replying\\nand entered it. I stopped in the middle of the lawn I\\nwalked like a somnambulist and without knowing what\\nI was doing.\\nSuddenly I saw her appear at the stairway door she\\nseemed uncertain and was looking attentively at the\\nmoon\u00e2\u0080\u0099s rays. She took a few steps towards me, I ad-\\nvanced. I could not speak I fell on my knees before\\nher and took hold of her hand.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cListen to me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI know it; but, if it has\\nreached this point, Octave, we must part. You come\\nhere every day, are you not welcome is it not enough\\nWhat can I do for you my friendship is yours I would\\nhave liked that you had had the strength to keep yours\\nfor me longer.\\nVII\\nMadame Pierson, after having spoken thus, kept\\nsilent, as if awaiting a reply. As I remained over-\\nwhelmed with sadness, she withdrew her hand gently,\\nreceded a few steps, stopped again, then returned slowly\\nto her house.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0239.jp2"}, "228": {"fulltext": "1 82\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI remained on the grass. I was musing upon what\\nshe had said to me my resolve was taken at once,\\nand I decided to leave. I arose with a distressed but\\nfirm heart, and I made a tour of the garden. I looked\\nat the house, the window of her room I pulled the gate\\non leaving, and, after having shut it, I touched the lock\\nwith my lips.\\nHaving returned home, I told Larive to prepare what\\nwas necessary, as I counted on leaving as soon as day\\nshould break. The poor fellow was astonished at it, but\\nI made him a sign to obey and not to question. He\\nbrought a large trunk and we began to arrange every-\\nthing.\\nIt was five o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock in the morning, and day was\\nbeginning to appear when I asked myself whither I\\nshould go. At such an ordinary thought as this, which\\nhad not yet come to me, I felt in me an irresistible dis-\\ncouragement. I cast my eyes on the country, scanning\\nthe horizon here and there. A great weakness took\\npossession of me; I was exhausted from fatigue. I sat\\ndown in an arm-chair; gradually my ideas became\\nmixed I raised my hand to my forehead, it was bathed\\nin perspiration. A violent fever made all my members\\ntremble; I had only strength enough to drag myself to\\nmy bed with Larive\u00e2\u0080\u0099 s aid. All my thoughts were so\\nconfused that I scarcely remembered what had hap-\\npened. The day rolled by towards evening I heard a\\nnoise of instruments. It was the Sunday ball, and I told", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0240.jp2"}, "229": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n183\\nLarive to go and see if Madame Pierson was there. He\\ndid not find her there I sent him to her house. The\\nwindows were shut the servant told him that her mis-\\ntress had left with her aunt, and that they were to spend\\nsome days with a relative who lived at N a small\\ntown a considerable distance off. At the same time he\\nbrought me a letter that had been given to him. It was\\ncouched in these terms\\nIt is three months since I have been seeing you, and\\none month since I noticed that you regarded me with\\nwhat, at your age, people call love. I had thought I\\nremarked in you the resolve to conceal it from me\\nand to conquer yourself. I had esteem for you; that\\nadded to it. I have no reproach to make to you for\\nwhat has happened, nor for that which you lacked in\\nwill.\\nWhat you believe to be love is only desire. I know\\nthat many women seek to inspire it pride would be\\nbetter placed in them, so to act that they would have\\nno need of it to please those who approached them\\nI but this very vanity is dangerous, since I was wrong in\\nhaving it with you.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cIam older than you by several years, and I ask you\\nnot to see me any more. It would be in vain for you to\\ntry to forget a moment of weakness what has passed\\nbetween us can neither happen a second time nor be\\nforgotten altogether.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0241.jp2"}, "230": {"fulltext": "184\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI do not leave yon without sorrow; I shall be absent\\nfor some days if, on returning, I find you no longer in\\nthe country, I shall be sensitive to this last mark of\\nfriendship and esteem which you have shown to me.\\nBrigitte Pierson.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nviii\\nThe fever kept me a week in bed. As soon as I was\\nin a condition to write, I answered Madame Pierson\\nthat she would be obeyed and that I was going to leave.\\nI wrote to her in good faith and without any intention\\nof deceiving her but I was very far from keeping my\\npromise. Scarcely had I gone two leagues when I\\ncalled out to stop and got out of the carriage. I took\\nto walking on the road. I could not divert my looks\\nfrom the village which I saw in the distance. At last,\\nafter a frightful irresolution, I felt that it was impossible\\nfor me to continue my journey, and, rather than get back\\ninto the carriage, I would have consented to die on the\\nspot. I told the postilion to turn, and, instead of going\\nto Paris, as I had announced, I made direct for N\\nwhere Madame Pierson was.\\nI arrived there at ten o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock in the evening. Scarcely\\nhad I alighted at the inn when I got a boy to point out\\nto me her relative\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house, and, without reflecting on", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0242.jp2"}, "231": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\ni8 5\\nwhat I was doing, I betook myself thither on the spot.\\nA servant-girl came to open the door to me I asked\\nher if Madame Pierson was there, to go and tell her that\\nsome one wanted to speak to her on behalf of Monsieur\\nDesprez. That was the name of our village pastor.\\nWhile the servant was carrying my message, I re-\\nmained in a small and rather dark court as it was rain-\\ning, I advanced to a peristyle at the foot of the stairway,\\nwhich was not lighted. Madame Pierson soon arrived,\\nperceiving the servant she came down quickly and did\\nnot see me in. the darkness; I took a step toward her\\nand touched her arm. She drew back in affright and\\nexclaimed What do you want of me?\\nThe sound of her voice was so tremulous, and, when\\nthe servant appeared with her light, I saw she was so pale,\\nthat I knew not what to think. Was it possible that my\\nunexpected presence had disturbed her to such a point\\nThis reflection passed through my mind, but I said to\\nmyself that it was no doubt an impulse of fright, natural\\nto a woman who feels herself suddenly taken hold of.\\nYet, in a calmer voice, she repeated her question.\\nYou must,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cpermit me to see you once\\nmore. I will leave, I am abandoning the country you\\nwill be obeyed, I swear to you, and beyond your wishes\\nfor I will sell my father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house, as well as everything\\nelse, and will go abroad. But it is only on condition\\nthat I shall see you once more if not, I stay fear\\nnothing from me, but I am bent upon it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0243.jp2"}, "232": {"fulltext": "i86\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nShe knit her brow and cast a strange look on one side\\nand then on the other; then she answered me in an\\nalmost gracious way: \u00e2\u0080\u009cCome to-morrow in the day-\\ntime, I will receive you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Thereupon she left.\\nNext day, I went there at noon. I was ushered into\\na room with old tapestry and antique furniture. I found\\nher alone, seated on a sofa. I sat down opposite to her.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMadame,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI come neither to speak\\nto you of what I am suffering nor to renounce the love\\nthat I have for you. You have written to me that what\\nhad taken place between us could not be forgotten, and\\nit is true. But you tell me that because of that we can\\nno longer see each other on the same footing as for-\\nmerly, and you are mistaken. I love you, but I have\\nnot offended you nothing is changed so far as regards\\nyou, since you do not love me. If I see you again, it\\nis, then, only for me that one must answer to you, and\\nwhat answers for me to you is precisely my love.\\nShe wanted to interrupt me.\\nPermit me, as a favor, to finish. No one knows\\nbetter than I that, notwithstanding all the respect that\\nI bear you and despite all the protestations by which I\\nmight bind myself, love is the strongest. I repeat to you\\nthat I do not come to give up what I have in my heart.\\nBut it is not since to-day, according to what you tell me\\nyourself, that you have known that I love you. What\\nreason, then, has kept me until now from declaring it to\\nyou The fear of losing you I was afraid of being no", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0244.jp2"}, "233": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n187\\nlonger received at your house, and that is what happens.\\nImpose on me, as a condition, that at the first word that\\nI shall speak of it, on the first occasion on which a sign\\nshall escape me or a thought that deviates from the most\\nprofound respect, your door shall be shut against me;\\nas I have been silent heretofore, I will be silent in the\\nfuture. You believe that it is for a month past that I\\nhave loved you, but it is from the first day. When you\\ntook notice of it, you did not therefore cease to see me.\\nIf you had then for me enough esteem to believe me\\nincapable of offending you, why should I have lost that\\nesteem? that it is which I come to ask of you again.\\nWhat have I done to you I have bent the knee I\\nhave not even said a word. What have I taught you\\nyou know it already. I was weak because I was suffer-\\ning. Well, madame, I am twenty, and what I have seen\\nof life has made me so disgusted with it I might use\\na stronger word that there is not to-day on earth,\\nneither in the society of men, nor in solitude itself, a\\nplace so small and so insignificant that I would deign to\\noccupy it. The space contained between the four walls\\nof your garden is the only place in the world where I\\nlive you are the only human being who would make\\nme love God. I had given up everything even before\\nknowing you why take from me the only ray of sun-\\nshine that Providence has left to me If it is from fear,\\nin what have I been able to inspire you with it If it is\\nfrom pity, of what have I made myself guilty? If it is", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0245.jp2"}, "234": {"fulltext": "THE CONFESSION OF A\\n1 88\\nfrom pity and because I suffer, you are wrong in believ-\\ning that I can be cured I could have been, perhaps,\\ntwo months ago I have preferred to see you and to\\nsuffer, and do not repent of it, whatever may happen.\\nThe only misfortune that can affect me is to lose you.\\nPut me on trial. If ever I come to feel that there is for\\nme too much suffering in our bargain, I will leave that\\nyou may be quite sure of, since, as you send me away\\nto-day, I am ready to go. What risk do you run in\\ngiving me a month or two more of the only happiness\\nthat I shall ever have?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI awaited her reply. She rose brusquely, then sat\\ndown again. She was silent for a moment. \u00e2\u0080\u009cBe per-\\nsuaded of it,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthat is not so.\u00e2\u0080\u009d I believed\\nI noticed that she was seeking expressions that would\\nnot seem too severe and that she wanted to answer me\\ntenderly.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cA word,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her as I rose, \u00e2\u0080\u009ca word, and\\nnothing more. I know who you are, and, if there be\\nany compassion for me in your heart, I thank you;\\nspeak on\u00c2\u00a3 w ord this moment decides my life.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe shook her head I saw her hesitate. \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou think\\nthat I will get cured of it?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed. May God\\nleave you this thought, if you drive me from here\\nWhile saying these words I was looking at the horizon,\\nand I felt to the very bottom of my soul a solitude so\\nhorrible at the idea that I was going to leave, that my\\nblood froze. She saw me standing, my eyes fixed on", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0246.jp2"}, "235": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 189\\nher, waiting for her to speak all the strength of my\\nlife was suspended on her lips.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009clisten to me. This journey that\\nyou have made is an act of imprudence it must not be\\non my account that you have come here charge your-\\nself with a commission that I will give you to a friend\\nof my family. If you find that it is somewhat far off,\\nlet it be to you the occasion of an absence which will\\nlast as long as you wish, but which will not be too short.\\nWhatever you say of it,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she added, smiling, \u00e2\u0080\u009ca little\\njourney will calm you. You will stay in the Vosges,\\nand you will go as far as Strasburg. In a month, or\\ntwo months, better, return to give me an account of\\nwhat you will be charged with I will see you again\\nand will better answer you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIX\\nI received that very evening, on the part of Madame\\nPierson, a letter addressed to M. R. D., at Strasburg.\\nThree weeks later, my commission was attended to and\\nI had returned.\\nI had thought only of her during my journey, and I\\nlost all hope of ever forgetting her. Yet my course was\\ntaken to keep silent in her presence the danger that I\\nhad incurred of losing her by the imprudence that I had", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0247.jp2"}, "236": {"fulltext": "THE CONFESSION OF A\\n190\\ncommitted had made me suffer too cruelly for me to\\nbear the idea of exposing myself to it anew. The\\nesteem that I had for her did not allow me to believe\\nthat she was not sincere, and, in the step that she\\nhad taken in leaving the country, I saw nothing that\\nresembled hypocrisy. In a word, I was firmly per-\\nsuaded that on the first expression of love that I should\\nmake to her, her door would be closed against me.\\nI found her again thinner and changed. Her habit-\\nual smile seemed languishing on her colorless lips. She\\ntold me that she had been suffering.\\nThere was no question of what had happened. She\\nhad the air of not wanting to remember it, and I did\\nnot care to speak of it. We soon resumed our former\\nhabit of neighborship; yet there was between us a cer-\\ntain restraint and, as it were, a formal familiarity. It\\nseemed that we said sometimes: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt was thus of old,\\nlet it then be so still.\u00e2\u0080\u009d She gave me her confidence\\nlike a rehabilitation that was not without charm to me.\\nBut our conversations were colder, for this very reason\\nthat our looks had, whilst we were speaking, been carry-\\ning on a tacit conversation. In all that we could say\\nthere was nothing more to be guessed at. We no longer\\nsought, as of old, to penetrate into each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s minds;\\nthere was no longer that interest in each word, in\\neach sentiment, that curious esteem of former days\\nshe treated me kindly, but I distrusted her very\\nkindness; I walked with her in the garden, but I no", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0248.jp2"}, "237": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n191\\nlonger accompanied her away from home we no longer\\ntraversed the woods and the valleys together; she opened\\nthe piano when we were alone the sound of her voice\\nno longer awakened in my heart those outbursts of youth,\\nthose transports of joy that are, as it were, sobs full of\\nhope. When I left she always extended her hand, but\\nI felt it inanimate there was much effort in our ease,\\nmany reflections in our slightest chats, much sadness at\\nthe bottom of all that.\\nWe felt indeed that there was a third presence with\\nus it was the love that I had for her. Nothing in my\\nactions betrayed it, but ere long it appeared on my\\ncountenance I lost my gayety, my strength, and the\\nappearance of health that I had on my cheeks. A\\nmonth had not elapsed when I no longer looked like\\nmyself.\\nYet, in our conversations, I always insisted on my\\ndisgust for the world, on the aversion that I felt to\\nagain re-enter it. I took it on me as a task to make\\nMadame Pierson feel that she must not reproach herself\\nfor having received me anew. Sometimes I pictured to\\nher my past life in the darkest colors, and gave her to\\nunderstand that, if it was necessary for me to separate\\nfrom her, I would remain devoted to a solitude worse\\nthan death I told her that I had a horror of society,\\nand the faithful story of my life, which I had given her,\\nproved to her that I was sincere. Sometimes I affected\\na gayety that was very far from my heart, in order to", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0249.jp2"}, "238": {"fulltext": "192\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nsay to her that in allowing me to see her, she had saved\\nme from the most frightful misfortune I thanked her\\non nearly every occasion that I went to her house, so as\\nto be able to return there in the evening or next day.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAll my dreams of happiness,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009call my\\nhopes, all my ambition, are contained in that little\\ncorner of earth in which you dwell; outside the air\\nthat you breathe, there is no life for me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe saw what I was suffering and could not help pity-\\ning me. My courage excited her sympathy, and a sort\\nof tenderness entered into all her words, into her very\\nactions and her attitude, when I was there. She felt\\nthe struggle that was taking place in me my obedience\\nflattered her pride, but in her my paleness awoke her\\ninstinct of a Sister of Charity. I saw her sometimes\\nirritated, almost coquettish she said to me in an\\nalmost mutinous tone \u00e2\u0080\u009cI shall not be here to-morrow,\\ndo not come on such a day.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Then, as I was retiring,\\nsad and resigned, she suddenly softened; she added:\\nI know nothing of it, come always or indeed her\\nadieu was more familiar, she followed me as far as the\\ngate with a sadder and sweeter look.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cHave no doubt of it,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cit is Provi-\\ndence that has brought me to you. If I had not known\\nyou, perhaps, at the present hour, I would have fallen\\nback into my excesses. God has sent you, as an angel\\nof light, to rescue me from the abyss. It is a holy\\nmission that has been confided to you; who knows, if", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0250.jp2"}, "239": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n*93\\nI lost you, whither I might be drawn by the sorrow\\nthat would devour me, the fatal experience that I\\nhave at my age, and the terrible combat of my youth\\nwith my weariness\\nThis thought, quite sincere in me, was of the greatest\\nforce on a woman of an exalted devotion and of a soul\\nas pious as it was ardent. It was perhaps for this sole\\ncause that Madame Pierson allowed me to see her.\\nI was making arrangements one day to go to her\\nhouse, when some one knocked at my door, and I saw\\nMercanson enter, that same priest whom I had met in\\nher garden on my first visit. He began with excuses\\nas tiresome as himself, on his presenting himself thus\\nat my house without knowing me I told him that I\\nknew him very well as our pastor\u00e2\u0080\u0099s nephew and asked\\nhim the object of his visit.\\nHe turned from one side to the other with an embar-\\nrassed air, picking his phrases and touching with his finger\\nends everything that was on my table, like a man who\\nknows not what to say. At last he told me that Madame\\nPierson was ill and that she had charged him to notify\\nme that she could not see me again during the day.\\nShe is ill? But I left her yesterday rather late, and\\nshe was very well\\nHe made a bow. \u00e2\u0080\u009cBut, Monsieur l\u00e2\u0080\u0099Abbe, why, if\\nshe is illj send me word of it by a third party She\\ndoes not live so far away, and it was of little importance\\nletting me make a useless journey.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0251.jp2"}, "240": {"fulltext": "194\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nThe same reply on the part of Mercanson. I could\\nnot understand this step on his part, still less this\\ncommission with which he had been entrusted. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAll\\nright,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI will see her to-morrow, and\\nshe will explain all that to me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nHis hesitancy began again: \u00e2\u0080\u009cMadame Pierson had\\ntold him besides he was to tell me he had\\nundertaken\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell! what, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed impatiently.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMonsieur, you are violent. I think that Madame\\nPierson is rather seriously ill; she will not be able to\\nsee you for the whole week.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAnother bow and he left.\\nIt was clear that this visit concealed some mystery\\neither Madame Pierson no longer wished to see me,\\nfor what reason I know not, or Mercanson interfered of\\nhis own motion.\\nI allowed the day to pass next day, early, I was at\\nthe door, where I met the servant but she told me that\\nindeed her mistress was very ill, and, whatever I could\\ndo, she wanted neither to take the money that I offered\\nher nor to listen to my questions.\\nAs I was re-entering the village, I saw Mercanson\\nhimself on the promenade he was surrounded by\\nthe school children, to whom his uncle was giving a\\nlesson. I approached him while he was in the midst\\nof his harangue and entreated him to speak a couple\\nof words to me.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0252.jp2"}, "241": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n*95\\nHe followed me to the square but it was my turn to\\nhesitate, for I knew not how to get at him so as to draw\\nhis secret from him. \u00e2\u0080\u009cSir,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to him, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI entreat\\nyou to tell me if what you told me yesterday is the truth\\nor if there be some other reason for it. Besides, there\\nbeing in the district no doctor who can be called upon,\\nI have reasons of great importance for asking you what\\nis the matter.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nHe defended himself in every form and fashion, pre-\\ntending that Madame Pierson was ill, and that he knew\\nnothing more, except that she had sent him to find me\\nand charged him to notify me in the manner he had.\\nWhile talking, however, we had reached the head of the\\nmain street, at a lonely place. Seeing that neither ruse\\nnor entreaty was of any avail to me, I suddenly turned\\naround and took hold of him by both arms.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat is this, monsieur? do you mean to use vio-\\nlence?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nNo, but I mean you to speak to me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nMonsieur, I am afraid of no one, and I have told\\nyou what I had to say.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou have said what you had to say and not what\\nyou know. Madame Pierson is not ill I know it, I\\nam sure of it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n4 What do you know of it\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cThe servant has told me so. Why does she shut\\nher door against me, and why does she communicate\\nthrough you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0253.jp2"}, "242": {"fulltext": "196\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nMercanson saw a peasant passing. Pierre, he called\\nto him by his name, listen to me, I have something to\\nsay to you.\\nThe peasant approached us; that was all that he\\nasked, thinking indeed that before a third party I\\nshould not dare to maltreat him. I released him in-\\ndeed, but so rudely that he recoiled from it, and his\\nback struck against a tree. He clenched his fist and\\nleft without saying a word.\\nI spent the whole week in extreme agitation, going\\nthree times a day to Madame Pierson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s, and being con-\\nstantly refused at her door. I received a letter from\\nher; she told me that my assiduity had occasioned\\ntattling in the whole country and entreated me to make\\nmy visits rarer thereafter. Not a word, moreover, of\\nMercanson or of her malady.\\nThis precaution was so far from natural to her and\\ncontrasted in such a strange manner with the proud\\nindifference that she showed to every sort of talk of\\nthis kind, that I at first found it difficult to believe in it.\\nNot knowing, however, what other interpretation to put\\non it, I answered her that I had nothing so much at\\nheart as to obey her. But, in spite of myself, the ex-\\npressions which I made use of smacked somewhat of\\nbitterness.\\nI even voluntarily delayed the day on which I was\\nallowed to go and see her and I did not send to ask\\nnews of her, in order to convince her that I did not", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0254.jp2"}, "243": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n197\\nbelieve in her malady. I did not know for what reason\\nshe thus kept me away but I was, in truth, so unhappy\\nthat I sometimes thought seriously of putting an end to\\nthis unendurable life. I remained whole days in the\\nwoods chance made her meet me there one day, in a\\npitiable state.\\nIt was with difficulty that I had the courage to ask her\\nfor some explanations she did not answer frankly, and\\nI did not again return to that subject. I was reduced\\nto counting the days that I spent far from her and to\\nliving for weeks on the hope of a visit. At every mo-\\nment I felt the desire to cast myself at her knees and to\\npicture my despair to her. I said to myself that she\\ncould not be insensible to it, that she would pay me\\nat least with some words of pity; but, thereupon, the\\nmemory of her brusque departure and her severity re-\\nturned to me; I trembled at losing her, and I preferred\\nto die rather than expose myself to that.\\nThus, not having even permission to acknowledge my\\nsuffering, my health at last gave way. My feet carried\\nme to her house -only painfully I felt that I was going\\nthere to draw from the fountain of tears, and each visit\\ncost me new ones; each time that I left her, I felt my\\nheart tortured as if I were never to see her again.\\nOn her part, she no longer spoke to me in the same\\ntone or with the same ease as before she spoke of plans\\nfor traveling; she affected to confide in me, to some\\nlittle extent, as to the desires that possessed her, she said,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0255.jp2"}, "244": {"fulltext": "198\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nof leaving the country, which made me more dead than\\nalive when I heard them. If she gave herself up for an\\ninstant to a natural impulse, she fell back at once into a\\ndespairing coldness. I could not help one day weeping\\nfrom grief in her presence at the manner in which she\\nwas treating me. I saw her grow pale on this account\\nin spite of herself. As I was leaving, she said to me at\\nthe door: \u00e2\u0080\u009cI am going to-morrow to Saint-Luce,\u00e2\u0080\u009d it\\nwas a village in the neighborhood, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand it is too far to\\ngo on foot. Be here on horseback in the early morning,\\nif you have nothing to do you will accompany me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI was punctual at the meeting-place, as one may\\nimagine. I had gone to bed on these words with trans-\\nports of joy; but, on leaving my house, I felt, on the\\ncontrary, an invincible sadness. By giving back to me\\nthe privilege that I had lost, of accompanying her on\\nher solitary journeys, she had clearly given way to a\\nfancy that to me seemed cruel, if she did not love me.\\nShe knew that I was suffering why abuse my courage\\nif she had not changed her mind?\\nThis reflection, which I made in spite of myself, cre-\\nated in me an unusual humor. When she was mount-\\ning on horseback, my heart beat when I took hold of\\nher foot I do not know whether it was desire or anger.\\nIf she is touched,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhy so much re-\\nserve? if she is only coquettish, why so much liberty?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nSuch are men. At my first word, she noticed that\\nI was looking away and that my countenance was", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0256.jp2"}, "245": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\nx 99\\nchanged. I did not speak to her and I took the other\\nside of the road. As long as we were in the plain, she\\nappeared tranquil and only turned her head from time\\nto time to see if I was following her but, when we\\nentered the forest and when our horses\u00e2\u0080\u0099 hoofs began to\\nresound under the dark alleys, among the solitary rocks,\\nI saw her suddenly tremble. She stopped as if to wait\\nfor me, for I kept a little behind her as soon as I re-\\njoined her, she started at a gallop. Ere long we reached\\nthe mountain slope, and it was necessary to walk. I\\ncame then and placed myself beside her but both of us\\nbowed our heads it was time, I took hold of her hand.\\nBrigitte,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, have I tired you with my\\nplaints? Since I have returned, since I have seen you\\nevery day and every evening, on going home, I ask my-\\nself, at the cost of my life, have I importuned you For\\ntwo months past that I have been losing rest, strength,\\nand hope, have I said to you a word of this fatal love\\nthat is devouring me and that is killing me, do you not\\nj know it Raise your head is it necessary to tell you\\nso? Do you not see that I am suffering and that my\\nnights are spent in weeping have you not met some-\\nwhere in these gloomy forests an unfortunate man seated\\nwith both his hands on his brow have you never found\\ntears on those heaths? Look at me, look at those\\nmountains; do you remember that I love you? They\\nknow it, they, those witnesses those rocks, those deserts\\nknow it. Why bring me into their presence am I not", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0257.jp2"}, "246": {"fulltext": "200\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwretched enough? have I now failed of courage? are\\nyou sufficiently obeyed? To what trial, to what torture\\nam I subjected, and for what crime If you do not love\\nme, what are you doing here?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cLet us go,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009ctake me back, let us retrace\\nour steps.\u00e2\u0080\u009d I seized her horse\u00e2\u0080\u0099s bridle.\\nNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cfor I have spoken. If we return,\\nI lose you, I know it on reaching your home, I know\\nin advance what you will tell me. You have wanted to\\nsee how far my patience went, you have set my sorrow\\nat defiance, perhaps to have the right of driving me\\naway you were tired of this sorry lover who was suffer-\\ning without complaining and who with resignation was\\ndrinking the bitter chalice of your disdain you knew\\nthat, alone with you, at the sight of these woods, in the\\nface of these solitudes where my love began, I could\\nnot keep silent you have wanted to be offended well,\\nmadame, let me lose you I have wept enough, I have\\nsuffered enough, I have quite sufficiently driven back\\ninto my heart the mad love that is gnawing me you\\nhave been cruel enough\\nAs she made a motion to jump down from her horse,\\nI took her in my arms and pressed my lips to hers.\\nBut, at the same moment, I saw her grow pale, her eyes\\nwere closed, she loosed the bridle that she was holding\\nand slipped to the ground.\\nGod of goodness I exclaimed, she loves me\\nShe had returned my kiss.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0258.jp2"}, "247": {"fulltext": "$art Cijirli chapter\\nknow that you love me Brigitte you are more\\nsecure here than all the kings in their palaces.\\nMadame Pierson at these words fixed her humid eyes\\non me; I saw therein the happiness of my life coming\\nto me in a glance. I crossed the road and went to cast\\nmyself on my knees before her.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0259.jp2"}, "248": {"fulltext": "X5 jstptf\u00c2\u00a9\\n$W S0\\\\ wom^ \\\\Os\\\\\\\\ V3S0W V*\\n1 m t w$ ^$A wm\\\\\\\\ w ^vrm\\nWS\u00c2\u00abK^ VbsX W*.\\\\ ,l\\\\mOS \\\\0 f \u00c2\u00abW\u00c2\u00ab!\u00c2\u00a3\\\\\\n\u00e2\u0096\u00a0^mwQ i \\\\($w *\\\\o oso! mw wo\\n\\\\?.O0 0 1 ^OS ^OWO ,^0O0^ YkraXTO .SftWoY^, O WX WX 0\\\\\\nM0\\\\^ l^W M^tt WO", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0260.jp2"}, "249": {"fulltext": "Ali\\nM 41\\nMi\u00e2\u0080\u0099/m\\nK A~j MM\\nWS tM\\nBRV JR Lj TO/.;\\nm i\u00e2\u0080\u0099-.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0261.jp2"}, "250": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0262.jp2"}, "251": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0265.jp2"}, "252": {"fulltext": "V\\nI", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0266.jp2"}, "253": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n20T\\nI leaped to the ground and ran to her. She was\\nstretched on the grass. I raised her up, she opened\\nher eyes a sudden terror made her shudder all over\\nshe forcibly repelled my hand, burst into tears and\\nescaped from me.\\nI had remained on the roadside I was looking at\\nher, beautiful as the day, leaning against a tree, her\\nlong hair falling over her shoulders, her hands agitated\\nand trembling, her cheeks covered with blushes, with\\nthe brilliancy of purple and pearls. \u00e2\u0080\u009cDo not approach\\nme!\u00e2\u0080\u009d she exclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009cdo not take a step towards\\nme!\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cOh, my love!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cfear nothing, if I\\noffended you a moment ago, you can punish me for\\nit I have had a moment\u00e2\u0080\u0099s madness and pain treat me\\nas you will, you can go now, so send me whither it\\nwill please you I know that you love me, Brigitte\\nyou are more secure here than all the kings in their\\npalaces.\\nMadame Pierson, at these words, fixed her humid\\neyes on me; I saw therein the happiness of my life\\ncoming to me in a glance. I crossed the road and went\\nto cast myself on my knees before her. How little he\\nloves who can say what words his mistress used to\\nacknowledge to him that she loved him", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0267.jp2"}, "254": {"fulltext": "202\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nX\\nIf I were a jeweler, and if I took from my treasure\\na pearl necklace to make a present of it to a friend, it\\nseems to me that it would give me great joy to place\\nit myself around her neck; but, if I were the friend,\\nI would die rather than snatch the collar from the\\njeweler\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hands.\\nI have seen that most men are eager to take to them-\\nselves the woman who loves them and I have always\\ndone the contrary, not from calculation, but from a\\nnatural feeling. The woman who loves, a little and who\\nresists, does not love enough, and she who loves enough\\nand who resists, knows that she is loved less.\\nMadame Pierson showed me more confidence, after\\nhaving acknowledged to me that she loved me, than she\\nhad ever shown. The respect that I had for her in-\\nspired in her so sweet a joy that her beautiful counte-\\nnance thereby became, as it were, a flower in full\\nbloom I saw her sometimes give herself up to a giddy\\ngayety, then suddenly stop pensive, affecting, at certain\\nmoments, to treat me almost as a child, then looking at\\nme with her eyes full of tears imagining a thousand\\npleasantries to find a pretext for a more familiar word\\nor for an innocent caress, then leaving me to sit apart\\nand to give herself up to reveries that took hold of her.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0268.jp2"}, "255": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n203\\nIs there in the world a sweeter spectacle When she\\nreturned to me, she found me on her way, in some\\nalley from which I had watched her from afar. O my\\nlove! I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cGod, Himself, rejoices at seeing\\nhow much you are loved.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI could not, however, conceal from her either the\\nviolence of my desires or what I was suffering through\\nstruggling against them. One evening, when I was at\\nher house, I told her that I had learned in the morn-\\ning of the loss of a lawsuit important to me and that\\nbrought a considerable change into my affairs. \u00e2\u0080\u009cHow\\ndoes that happen,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she asked me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthat you tell me of\\nit laughing\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cThere is,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009ca maxim of a Persian\\npoet 4 He who is loved by a beautiful woman is shel-\\ntered from the blows of fate\\nMadame Pierson did not answer me she showed her-\\nself during the whole evening still more gay than usual.\\nAs I was playing cards with her aunt and was losing,\\nthere was no sort of mischief that she did not use to\\npique me, saying that I understood nothing about it\\nand always betting against me, so much so that she\\nwon from me all that I had in my purse. When the\\nold lady had retired, she went out on the balcony, and\\nI followed her thither in silence.\\nIt was one of the finest nights imaginable the moon\\nwas setting and the stars were shining with the more\\nsparkling brightness in a sky of deep azure. Not a", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0269.jp2"}, "256": {"fulltext": "204\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nbreath of wind was stirring the trees the air was\\nwarm and balmy.\\nShe was leaning on her elbow, her eyes towards the\\nheavens; I had reclined beside her and was looking\\nat her dreaming. Ere long I raised my eyes, too\\na melancholy lust was intoxicating both of us. We\\nbreathed together the tepid whiffs that came from\\nthe hedgerows; we followed afar off in space the last\\nglimmers of a pale whiteness which the moon was\\ndrawing with her as she went down behind the black\\nmasses of the chestnut-trees. I remembered a certain\\nday that I had looked with despair on the immense void\\nof that beautiful sky that memory made me bound\\neverything was so full now I felt that a hymn of thanks\\nwas rising in my heart and that our love was mount-\\ning to God. I drew my arm around the waist of my\\ndear mistress she turned her head gently her eyes\\nwere bathed in tears. Her body bent like a reed, her\\nparted lips fell on mine, and the univeirse was forgotten.\\nXI\\nEternal angel of happy nights, who will relate thy\\nsilence? O kiss! mysterious draught which the lips\\ndistill as from blended cups intoxication of the senses,\\nO Passion yes, like God, thou art immortal sublime", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0270.jp2"}, "257": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n205\\ntransports of the creature, universal communion of\\nbeings, Passion thrice holy, what have they said of thee\\nwho have vaunted thee they have called thee fleeting,\\nO creatrix and they have said that thy brief appear-\\nance illuminated their fugitive life. A word itself more\\nbrief than the breath of a dying man a true word of a\\nsensual brute, who is astonished at living an hour, and\\ntakes the glimmers of the eternal lamp for a spark that\\nflashes from a pebble Love, O principle of the world\\na precious flame that entire nature, like an anxious\\nvestal, watches over incessantly in the temple of God!\\nfocus of everything, by which everything exists the\\nspirits of destruction would themselves die by breathing\\non thee I am not astonished that people blaspheme\\nthy name; for they know not what thou art, those who\\nbelieve they have seen thee face to face because they\\nhave opened their eyes when thou findest thy true\\napostles, united on earth in a kiss, thou orderest their\\npupils to close like veils, that people may not see the\\nhappiness.\\nBut you, delights, languishing smiles, first caresses,\\ntimid familiarities; first stammerings of the lover, you\\nthat one can see, you that are ours are you, then, less\\nGod\u00e2\u0080\u0099s than the rest, beautiful cherubs who hover in the\\nalcove and who bring back to this world man awakened\\nfrom the divine dream Ah dear children of Passion,\\nhow your mother loves you It is you, wondering\\nchats that quicken the first mysteries, ever trembling", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0271.jp2"}, "258": {"fulltext": "206\\nTHE CONFESSION\\nand chaste touches, looks already insatiable, that begin\\nto trace in the heart, as it were, a timid rough draught,\\nthe ineffaceable image of cherished beauty O king-\\ndom O conquest it is you that make lovers. And\\nyou, true diadem, you, serenity of happiness first look\\ndirected on life, first return of bliss to so many indiffer-\\nent objects, which they no longer see but through their\\njoy, first steps taken in nature by the side of the well-\\nbeloved who will paint you what human speech will\\never express the feeblest caress?\\nHe who, on a fresh morning, in the fullness of youth,\\nhas gone out with slow strides, whilst the adored hand\\nshut the secret door on him who has wandered without\\nknowing whither, looking at the woods and the plains\\nwho has traversed a place without hearing any one speak\\nto him who has sat down in a solitary place, laughing\\nand weeping without reason; who has laid his hands\\non his face to breathe a lingering trace of perfume;\\nwho has suddenly forgotten what he had done on earth\\nuntil then who has spoken to the trees on the roadside\\nand to the birds that he saw pass who, in fine, in the\\nmidst of men, has shown himself a gleeful madman,\\nthen who has fallen on his knees and who has thanked\\nGod for it; that man will die without complaining:\\nhe has possessed the woman he loved.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0272.jp2"}, "259": {"fulltext": "PART FOURTH", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0273.jp2"}, "260": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0274.jp2"}, "261": {"fulltext": "PART FOURTH\\nI\\nI have now to relate what came of my love and the\\nchange that took place in me. What reason can I give\\nfor it None, except that I relate and that I can say\\nIt is the truth.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIt was two days, neither more nor less, since I was\\nMadame Pierson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s lover. I left the bath at eleven o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock\\nin the evening, and on a magnificent night I traversed\\nthe promenade to betake myself to her house. I felt so\\nwell in body and so content in soul that I jumped with\\njoy as I walked and stretched my arms towards heaven.\\nI found her at the top of her staircase, her elbows on\\nthe balustrade, a candle on the floor beside her. She\\nwas waiting for me, and, as soon as she saw me, ran to\\n209", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0275.jp2"}, "262": {"fulltext": "210\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nmeet me. We were soon in her room, and the bolts\\nfastened on us.\\nShe showed me how she had changed the dressing of\\nher hair, which displeased me, and how she had spent\\nthe day in giving to it the turn that I liked how she\\nhad taken from the alcove a large, mean, black frame\\nthat seemed to be of ill omen how she had renewed her\\nflowers, and there were some on every side she told me\\nall that she had done since we knew each other, what\\nshe had seen me suffer, what she herself had suffered\\nhow she had wanted a thousand times to leave the\\ncountry and fly from her love how she had invented\\nso many precautions against me that she had taken\\nadvice from her aunt, from Mercanson, and from the\\npastor that she had sworn to herself to die rather than\\nyield, and how all that had flown at a certain word that\\nI had said to her, at a particular look, at a particular\\ncircumstance and at each confidence a kiss. What I\\nfound to my taste in her room, what had attracted my\\nattention among the trifles with which her tables were\\ncovered, she wanted to give me, to take them away that\\nvery evening and to put them on my mantel-piece what\\nshe would do thereafter, morning, evening, at every\\nhour, for me to regulate at my pleasure, and for her to\\nbe concerned about nothing that the talk of the world\\ndid not touch her that, if she had made a feint of\\nbelieving in it, it was to keep me at a distance but that\\nshe wanted to be happy and to stop up both her ears;", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0276.jp2"}, "263": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n21 1\\nthat she was just thirty, that she had not long to be loved\\nby me. And you, will you love me long? Are they\\nin the least true, those beautiful words with which you\\nhave made me so very blithe And thereupon the\\ndear reproaches that I came late and that I was co-\\nquettish that I had perfumed myself too much in the\\nbath, or not enough, or not to her liking that she had\\nremained in slippers so that I might see her bare foot,\\nand that it was as white as her hand but that, more-\\nover, she was scarcely beautiful that she would like to\\nbe a hundred times more so that she had been so at\\nfifteen. She went to and fro, quite silly from love,\\nquite roseate with joy and she knew not what to imag-\\nine, what to do, what to say, to give herself and to\\ngive herself again, body and soul, and all that she had.\\nI was lying on the sofa I felt falling and being de-\\ntached from me an evil hour of my past life, at each\\nword that she spoke. I was looking at the star of love\\nrise over my field, and it seemed to me that I was, as it\\nwere, a tree full of sap, that is throwing off to the wind\\nits dry leaves so as to clothe itself with a new verdure.\\nShe sat at the piano, and told me that she was going\\nto play for me an air by Stradella. I like sacred music\\nabove all, and this piece, which she had already sung for\\nme, had to me seemed very beautiful. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWell,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said\\nwhen she had finished, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou are very much deceived in\\nit the air is mine, and I have imposed upon you.\\nIt is by you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0277.jp2"}, "264": {"fulltext": "212\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nYes, and I have told you that it was by Stradella to\\nsee what you would say of it. I never play my own\\nmusic, when it happens to me to compose any but I\\nhave wanted to make an attempt, and you see that I\\nhave succeeded, since you were its dupe.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhat a monstrous machine is man What was there\\nmore innocent? A half-instructed child might have\\nimagined this trick to surprise her preceptor. She\\nlaughed at it heartily as she told me of it but I felt,\\nall of a sudden, as if a cloud had come over me; I\\nchanged countenance: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat ails you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat overcomes you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nNothing play that air for me once more.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhile she was playing, I was walking backwards and\\nforwards; I passed my hand over my brow as if to\\nremove a dampness from it, I stamped my foot, I\\nshrugged my shoulders at my own folly at last, I sat\\ndown on the floor on a cushion that had fallen she\\ncame to me. The more I wanted to struggle with the\\nspirit of darkness that was laying hold of me at that\\nmoment, the more did the darkness eclipse my mind.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cTruly,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou lie so well? What that\\nair is by you? you know, then, how to lie so easily?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe looked at me with an air of astonishment.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat is it, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said. An inexpressible rest-\\nlessness was pictured on her features. Assuredly she\\ncould not believe that I was fool enough to make so\\nsimple a pleasantry a veritable reproach to her she saw", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0278.jp2"}, "265": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n213\\nnothing serious in that but the sadness that took posses-\\nsion of me but the more frivolous its cause was, the\\nmore there was in it to be surprised at. She wanted to\\nbelieve for an instant that I was joking, in my turn;\\nbut when she saw me ever grow paler and, as it were,\\nready to faint, she stood with her lips parted, her body\\ninclined, like a statue. \u00e2\u0080\u009cGod of heaven!\u00e2\u0080\u009d she ex-\\nclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009cis it possible?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nYou, reader, perhaps smile on perusing this page;\\nas for me who write it, I still shudder at it. Misfortunes,\\nas well as maladies, have their symptoms, and there is\\nnothing so much dreaded at sea as a little black speck\\non the horizon.\\nWhen day dawned, however, my dear Brigitte drew\\ninto the middle of the room a small round table of\\nwhite wood she placed on it the wherewith to have\\nsupper, or rather the necessaries for breakfast, for the\\nbirds were already singing and the bees humming on\\nthe lawn. She had prepared everything herself, and\\nI drank not a drop without her carrying the glass to\\nher lips. The bluish light of day, piercing the striped\\ncotton curtains, lit up her charming countenance and\\nher large, somewhat drooping eyes she felt a desire to\\nsleep, and, while embracing me, let her head fall on my\\nshoulders, with a thousand languishing remarks.\\nI could not struggle against so charming an abandon-\\nment, and my heart was reopened to joy; I believed\\nmyself entirely freed from the bad dream that I had", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0279.jp2"}, "266": {"fulltext": "214\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\njust had, and I asked her pardon for a moment\u00e2\u0080\u0099s folly,\\nfor which I was unable to account. \u00e2\u0080\u009cMy love,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said\\nto her from the bottom of my heart, I am very un-\\nhappy for having made you an unjust reproach about\\nan innocent jest but, if you love me, never lie to me,\\neven concerning the slightest things lying seems horri-\\nble to me, and I cannot bear it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe lay down: it was three o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock in the morning,\\nand I told her that I wanted to remain until she was\\nasleep. I saw her shut her beautiful eyes, I heard her\\nin her first slumber murmur while smiling, and at the\\nsame time, leaning on the pillow, I gave her my fare-\\nwell kiss. At last I left with my heart at peace, prom-\\nising to enjoy my happiness without anything thereafter\\nbeing able to disturb it.\\nBut the very next day Brigitte said to me as if by\\nchance: \u00e2\u0080\u009cI have a big book in which I write my\\nthoughts, all that passes through my head, and I want\\nto let you read what I have written in it of you during\\nthe first days that I saw you.\\nWe read together what regarded me, and we added a\\nhundred silly things to it after which I set to turning\\nover the leaves of the book in an indifferent manner.\\nA phrase, inscribed in large characters, struck my gaze\\nin the middle of the pages that I was turning over\\nrapidly I read distinctly some words that were rather\\ninsignificant, and I was going to continue when Brigitte\\nsaid to me \u00e2\u0080\u009cDo not read that.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0280.jp2"}, "267": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n215\\nI threw the book on a piece of furniture. It is\\ntrue,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, I do not know what I am\\ndoing.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cDo you still take it seriously?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she answered,\\nlaughing, no doubt seeing my trouble reappearing;\\ntake back that book I want you to read it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nLet us say no more of it. What, then, can I find\\nin it so curious? Your secrets are your own, my dear.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThe book remained on the piece of furniture, and no\\nmatter how I tried I could not take my eyes from it. I\\nsuddenly heard, as it were, a voice that was whispering\\nin my ear, and I believed I saw grimacing before me,\\nwith his glacial smile, the dry figure of Desgenais.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat does Desgenais come to do here?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I asked\\nmyself, as if I had really seen him. He had appeared\\nto me such as he was one evening, his brow inclined\\nunder my lamp, when, in his sharp voice, he was laying\\ndown his libertine catechism to me.\\nI had my eyes still on the book, and I was feeling\\ni vaguely in my memory some forgotten words heard of\\nold, but which had pressed on my heart. The spirit of\\ndoubt, suspended over my head, had just poured a drop\\nof poison into my veins its vapor was mounting to my\\nbrain, and I was half staggering in the beginning of a\\nbaneful intoxication. What secret was Brigitte con-\\ncealing from me I well knew that I had only to stoop\\nand open the book but at what place how recognize\\nthe leaf to which chance had directed me", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0281.jp2"}, "268": {"fulltext": "2l6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nMy pride, moreover, would not have me take up the\\nbook; was it, then, really my pride? \u00e2\u0080\u009cO God!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nsaid with frightful sadness, \u00e2\u0080\u009cis it that the past is a\\nspectre is it emerging from its tomb Ah wretched\\none, is it that I am going to be unable to love?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAll my ideas of contempt for women, all those\\nphrases of mocking fatuity that I had repeated like a\\nlesson and like a part during the days of my excesses,\\nsuddenly passed through my mind and, what a strange\\nthing whilst of old I did not believe in them while\\nparading them, it seemed to me now that they were\\nreal, or that at least they had been so.\\nI was acquainted with Madame Pierson for four\\nmonths past, but I knew nothing of her past life and\\nhad asked her nothing about it. I had given myself up\\nto my love for her with unbounded confidence and\\nardor. I had found a sort of enjoyment in putting no\\nquestion about her to any one or to herself moreover,\\nsuspicions and jealousy count for so little in my char-\\nacter that I was more astonished at feeling them than\\nwas Brigitte at finding them in me. Never, either in\\nmy first loves or in the habitual commerce of life, had I\\nbeen distrustful, but rather, on the contrary, bold, and,\\nso to say, not doubting anything. It must have been\\nthat I saw with my own eyes my mistress\u00e2\u0080\u0099s treason, to\\nbelieve that she could deceive me. Desgenais himself,\\nwhile sermonizing to me in his own way, was continu-\\nally teasing me about my facility in letting myself be", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0282.jp2"}, "269": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n217\\nduped. The history of my whole life was a proof that I\\nwas credulous rather than suspicious and so, when the\\nsight of that book thus struck me all of a sudden, it\\nseemed to me that I felt in me a new being and a sort\\nof unknown one; my reason revolted against what I\\nwas feeling, and I dared not ask myself whither all that\\nwas going to lead me.\\nBut the sufferings that I had endured, the memory of\\nthe perfidies to which I had been a witness, the frightful\\ncure that I had imposed upon myself, the speeches of\\nmy friends, the corrupted world through which I had\\npassed, the sad truths that I had seen there, those\\nwhich, without knowing them, I had understood and\\nseen into by a fatal intelligence, in fine, debauch,\\ncontempt of love, abuse of everything, that was what\\nI had in my heart without yet suspecting it; and,\\nat the moment when I believed I was born again to\\nhope and to life, all these benumbing furies took me\\nby the throat and called out to me that they were\\nthere.\\nI stooped and opened the book, then I shut it imme-\\ndiately and threw it on the table. Brigitte looked at\\nme; there was in her beautiful eyes neither wounded\\npride nor wrath there was only tender restlessness, as\\nif I had been ill. Is it that you believe I have\\nsecrets?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she asked as she embraced me. \u00e2\u0080\u009cNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said\\nto her, I believe nothing, except that you are beautiful\\nand that I want to die loving you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0283.jp2"}, "270": {"fulltext": "21 8\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nOn returning home, as I was sitting down to dinner,\\nI asked Larive \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat, then, is that Madame Pier-\\nson?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nHe turned round quite astonished. \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to\\nhim, \u00e2\u0080\u009chave been in the country for a number of years;\\nyou ought to know her better than I. What do people\\nsay of her here? what do they think of her in the\\nvillage? what life did she lead before I knew her? what\\nfolks did she see?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nFaith, monsieur, I have seen her do only what she is\\ndoing every day, that is, walking in the valley, playing\\npiquet with her aunt, and bestowing charity on the poor.\\nThe peasants call her Brigitte la Rose I have never\\nheard a word spoken against her by any one whomso-\\never, except that she runs the fields all alone, at every\\nhour of the day and of the night; but it is with so\\nlaudable a purpose She is the Providence of the\\ncountry. As for the people whom she sees, it is scarcely\\nany one but the pastor, and Monsieur de Dalens during\\nvacation.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWho is Monsieur de Dalens?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cHe is the owner of a chateau that is down there\\nbehind the mountain; he comes here only for hunting.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cIs he young?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes, monsieur.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIs he related to Madame Pierson\\nNo he was a friend of her husband.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIs it long since her husband died?\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0284.jp2"}, "271": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n219\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cFive years on All Saints\u00e2\u0080\u0099 Day he was a worthy man.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd do they say whether this Monsieur de Dalens\\nhas paid court to her\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cTo the widow, monsieur? marry! to say the\\ntruth He stopped with an embarrassed air.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWill you speak?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nSome have said, and some have not said I\\nknow nothing of it, I have seen nothing of it.\\nAnd you told me a moment ago that people did not\\ntalk of her in the country\\nPeople have never said anything further, and I\\nthought that my master knew that.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBriefly, people say so, yes or no?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes, monsieur, I believe it at least.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI rose from table and went down on the promenade;\\nMercanson was there. I expected that he was going to\\nshun me quite the contrary, he approached me.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMonsieur, he said to me, the other day you showed\\nme signs of wrath that a man of character should not\\nkeep in his memory. I express to you my regret at\\nbeing entrusted with an untimely commission\u00e2\u0080\u009d he\\nmade a habit of using long words \u00e2\u0080\u009cand to have\\nclogged the wheels with ever so little importunity.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI paid him back his compliment, thinking that he\\nwould leave me thereupon but he began to walk along\\nbeside me.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cDalens! Dalens!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I repeated between my teeth,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cwho will speak to me of Dalens?\u00e2\u0080\u009d For Larive had", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0285.jp2"}, "272": {"fulltext": "220\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nsaid nothing to me but what a valet might say. Through\\nwhom did he know him through some servant-girl or\\nsome peasant. I must have a witness who could have\\nseen Dalens at Madame Pierson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s and who would know\\non what to depend. This Dalens never left my head,\\nand, not being able to speak of anything else, I spoke\\nof it at once to Mercanson.\\nWhether Mercanson was a wicked man, or was simple\\nor tricky, I never clearly determined it is certain that\\nhe ought to hate me, and that he behaved towards me\\nas wickedly as possible. Madame Pierson, who had\\nthe greatest friendship for the pastor, and it was for\\ngood reason, had, almost in spite of herself, extruded\\nthat sentiment to the nephew. He was proud of it,\\nconsequently was jealous. It is love alone that pro-\\nduces jealousy; a favor, a kind word, a smile from a\\npretty mouth, may inspire it to madness in certain\\npeople.\\nMercanson seemed at first astonished, as well as\\nLarive, at the questions that I put to him. I was still\\nmore astonished at them myself. But who knows one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nself here below\\nAt the priest\u00e2\u0080\u0099s first answers I saw that he understood\\nwhat I wanted to know, and decided not to tell me.\\nHow does it happen, monsieur, that you who have\\nknown Madame Pierson for a long time past, and are\\nreceived at her house in a rather intimate way, I think\\nso at least, have not met Monsieur de Dalens there?", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0286.jp2"}, "273": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n221\\nBut apparently you have some reason, which it is none\\nof my business to know, to make inquiry about him to-\\nday. What I can say of him for my part is that he was\\nan honest gentleman, full of goodness and charity he\\nwas, like you, monsieur, very intimate at Madame Pier-\\nson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s; he has a considerable pack of hounds and does\\nthe honors of his house splendidly. He played very\\ngood music, like you, monsieur, at Madame Pierson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s.\\nAs for his duties of charity, he performed them punctu-\\nally; when he was in the country, he, like you, mon-\\nsieur, accompanied this lady on the promenade. His\\nfamily enjoys an excellent reputation in Paris it hap-\\npened to me to find him at this lady\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house almost\\nevery time that I went there his morals pass as being\\nexcellent. Moreover, understand, monsieur, that I mean\\nto speak in every respect only of a proper familiarity,\\nsuch as suits persons of their worth. I think that he\\ncomes only for hunting: he was her husband\u00e2\u0080\u0099s friend;\\nthey say he is quite rich and very generous; but I\\nscarcely know him, however, except by hearsay\\nWith how many tortuous phrases the heavy execu-\\ntioner was killing me I looked at him, ashamed of\\nlistening to him, no longer daring to put a single ques-\\ntion or to stop him in his gabble. He calumniated as\\nsullenly and as long as he wanted quite at his leisure, he\\ndrove his twisted blade into my heart when this was\\ndone, he left me without my being able to keep him\\nand, taking all in all, he had told me nothing.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0287.jp2"}, "274": {"fulltext": "222\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI remained alone on the promenade night was be-\\nginning to fall. I know not whether I felt more of\\nfury or of sadness. This confidence, that I had had\\nof giving myself up blindly to my love for my dear\\nBrigitte, had been so sweet and so natural to me that I\\ncould not determine on believing that so much happi-\\nness had deceived me. That unaffected and credulous\\nfeeling which had led me to her without my wishing to\\nfight against it or ever to doubt it, had seemed to me of\\nitself alone a proof that she was worthy of it. Was it\\npossible, then, that these four most happy months were\\nalready only a dream\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cBut, after all,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself of a sudden, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthis\\nwoman has given herself rather quickly. Might there\\nnot have been some falsehood in that intention of flying\\nfrom me which she at first had shown to me and which\\na word had dissipated? Might I not perchance have\\nhad to do with a woman who was one of a large class\\nYes, it is thus that they all go about it they feign to\\nrecede in order to see themselves followed. Hinds\\nthemselves do as much it is an instinct of the female.\\nWas it not of her own impulse that she acknowledged\\nher love to me, at the very moment when I believed\\nthat she would never be mine On the first day that I\\nhad seen her, did she not accept my arm, without know-\\ning me, with a levity that should have made me doubt\\nher If this Dalens was her lover, it is probable that\\nhe is so still there are those unions in the world that", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0288.jp2"}, "275": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n223\\nneither begin nor end when they see each other they\\nresume, and as soon as they leave each other they forget.\\nIf that man returns on a vacation, she will no doubt see\\nhim again, and probably without breaking with me.\\nWhat is that aunt, what that mysterious life that has\\ncharity for a label, what that settled liberty which cares\\nfor no talk Might they not be adventurers, those two\\nwomen with their little house, their probity and their\\nwisdom which impose on people so quickly and are still\\nmore quickly belied Assuredly, however this may be, I\\nhave fallen with my eyes shut into an affair of gallantry\\nthat I have taken for a romance but what is to be done\\nnow I see no one here but that priest who does not\\nwant to talk plainly, or his uncle, who will say still less\\nabout it. O my God who will save me? how know the\\ntruth?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThus spoke jealousy thus, forgetting so many tears\\nand all that I had suffered, I came, after two days, to\\ndisturb myself about what Brigitte had yielded to me.\\nThus, like all those who doubt, I already put aside feel-\\nings and thoughts to dispute with facts, to stick to the\\nletter and to dissect what I loved.\\nWhile burying myself in my reflections, by slow steps\\nI reached Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house. I found the gate open, and,\\nas I was crossing the courtyard, I saw a light in the\\nkitchen. I thought of questioning the servant. I turned,\\nthen, in that direction, and, jingling some silver pieces\\nin my pocket, I stepped upon the threshold.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0289.jp2"}, "276": {"fulltext": "224\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nAn impression of horror stopped me short. That\\nservant was a lean and wrinkled old woman, her back\\nalways bent, like people attached to the soil. I found\\nher washing her plates and dishes over an unclean sink.\\nA disgusting candle was flickering in her hand around\\nher, saucepans, dishes, remains of the dinner that a\\nprowling dog was visiting, who like me, had entered\\nshyly; a warm and nauseating odor came from the\\nhumid walls. When the old woman perceived me, she\\nlooked at me, smiling with a confidential air she had\\nseen me in the morning slip out of her mistress\u00e2\u0080\u0099s room.\\nI shuddered from disgust with myself and with what I\\nhad come in search of, in a place so well adapted to the\\nignoble action that I was meditating. I fled from that\\nold woman as well as from my personified jealousy, and\\nas if the odor of her plates and dishes had come out of\\nmy own heart.\\nBrigitte was at the window, watering her dearly\\nbeloved flowers a child of one of our neighbors, sitting\\nin the bottom of the couch and buried in the cushions,\\nwas huddled up in one of its sleeves, and, its mouth\\nfull of bonbons, in its joyous and incomprehensible\\nlanguage, was making to her one of the long infant\\nspeeches, of those who do not yet know how to talk. I\\nsat down beside her, and kissed the child\u00e2\u0080\u0099s fat cheeks,\\nas if to restore a little innocence to my heart. Brigitte\\ngave me a timid reception she saw her image already\\ndisturbed in my looks. On my part, I shunned her", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0290.jp2"}, "277": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n225\\neyes; the more I admired her beauty and her air of\\ncandor, the more I said to myself that such a woman,\\nif she was not an angel, was a monster of perfidy. I\\nstrove to recall each of Mercanson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s words, and, so to\\nsay, I confronted that man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s insinuations with my\\nmistress\u00e2\u0080\u0099s traits and the charming contours of her\\ncountenance. She is very pretty,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cquite dangerous, if she knows how to deceive; but\\nI will break her in and keep ahead of her and she\\nwill know who I am.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMy dear,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, after a long silence, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI\\nhave just given advice to a friend who has consulted me.\\nHe is a rather simple young man he has written to me\\nthat he has discovered that a woman who has just given\\nherself to him, has another lover at the same time. He\\nhas asked me what he ought to do.\u00e2\u0080\u0099 1\\nWhat answer have you given him?\\nTwo questions: Is she pretty and do you love her?\\nIf you love her, forget her; if she is pretty and you do not\\nlove her, keep her for your pleasure there will always\\nbe time to abandon her if you have to do only with her\\nbeauty, and she is worth about as much as any other.\\nOn hearing me speak thus, Brigitte left the child that\\nshe was holding; she had gone and sat down at the\\nfarther end of the room. We were without light; the\\nmoon, which lit up the place that Brigitte had just\\nleft, cast a deep shadow on the sofa where she was\\nseated. The words that I had spoken bore so hard, so", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0291.jp2"}, "278": {"fulltext": "226\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ncruel a meaning, that I was myself distracted by them\\nand my heart was filled with bitterness. The child, rest-\\nless, called Brigitte, and became sad on looking at us.\\nIts joyous cries, its little babbling, gradually ceased;\\nit went to sleep on the couch. Thus all three of us\\nremained silent, and a cloud passed over the moon.\\nA servant entered, who came in search of the child\\na light was brought in. I rose, and Brigitte at the same\\ntime but she placed both her hands on her heart, and\\nfell to the floor at the foot of her bed.\\nI ran to her, frightened she had not lost conscious-\\nness and entreated me not to call any one. She told\\nme that she was subject to violent palpitations that had\\ntormented her since her youth and thus suddenly seized\\nupon her, but that there was no danger, however, in\\nthese attacks, nor any remedy to be used. I was on my\\nknees near her she sweetly opened her arms to me I\\ntook hold of her head and rested it on my shoulder.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAh my friend,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI pity you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cListen to me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said in her ear, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI am a silly\\nwretch, but I cannot keep anything on my heart.\\nWho is that Monsieur Dalens who lives on the moun-\\ntain and who sometimes comes to see you\\nShe seemed astonished at hearing me pronounce this\\nname. \u00e2\u0080\u009cDalens?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009che is a friend of my\\nhusband.\\nShe looked at me as if to add: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat is the object of\\nthis question? It seemed to me that her countenance", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0292.jp2"}, "279": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n227\\nhad become clouded again. I bit my lips. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf she wants\\nto deceive me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I thought, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI was wrong in speaking.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBrigitte rose with difficulty she took her fan and\\nwalked through the room with rapid strides. She was\\nbreathing violently I had wounded her. She remained\\npensive for some time, and we exchanged two or three\\nlooks that were almost cold and seemed hostile. She\\nwent to her secretary, which she opened, took from it\\na package of letters tied together with silk, and threw\\nit in front of me without saying a word.\\nBut I looked neither at her nor at the letters I had\\njust thrown a stone into an abyss, and I heard its echo\\nresounding. For the first time, offended pride had\\nappeared on Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s countenance. There was no\\nlonger in her eyes either restlessness or pity, and, as I\\nhad just felt myself quite different from what I had ever\\nbeen, I had also just seen in her a woman who was\\nunknown to me.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cRead that,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said at last. I advanced and\\nreached out my hand to her. Read that read that!\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nshe repeated, in an icy tone.\\nI was holding the letters. I felt at that moment so\\npersuaded of her innocence, and I found myself so un-\\njust, that I was penetrated with repentance. \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou\\nremind me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthat I owe you the\\nhistory of my life; be seated, and you will know it.\\nYou will then open these drawers, and you will read all\\nthat there is here written in my hand or by others.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0293.jp2"}, "280": {"fulltext": "228\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nShe sat down and pointed to an arm-chair for me. I\\nsaw the effort that she was making to speak. She was\\nas pale as death; her changed voice spoke with diffi-\\nculty, and her throat was contracted.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u0098\u00e2\u0080\u0098Brigitte! Brigitte I exclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009cIn Heaven\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nname, do not speak God is my witness that I was\\nnot born such as you believe me I have never in my\\nlife been either suspicious or distrustful. I have been\\nruined, my heart has been perverted. A deplorable\\nexperience has led me to a precipice, and, for a year\\npast, I have had nothing but what there is of evil here\\nbelow. God is my witness that, until this day, I did\\nnot believe myself capable of this ignoble role, the last\\nof all, that of a jealous man. God is my witness that\\nI love you, and that there is only you in this world who\\ncould cure me of the past. I have had to do until now\\nonly with women who deceived me or who were un-\\nworthy of love. I have led the life of a libertine; I\\nhave, in my heart, memories that will never be effaced\\nfrom it. Is it my fault if a calumny, if the most vague\\nof accusations, the most untenable, meets to-day in this\\nheart, with its fibres still suffering and ready to receive\\neverything that resembles sorrow? Mention has been\\nmade to me this evening of a man whom I do not know,\\nof whose existence I was ignorant they have given me\\nto understand that there had been talk about you and\\nhim that proves nothing I do not want to ask you any-\\nthing about him I have suffered on that account, I have", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0294.jp2"}, "281": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n229\\nso acknowledged to you, and that is an irreparable wrong.\\nBut, rather than accept what you propose to me, I am\\ngoing to throw all into the fire. Ah my friend, do\\nnot degrade me do not go so far as to justify yourself,\\ndo not punish me with suffering. How could I, at the\\nbottom of my heart, suspect you of deceiving me No,\\nyou are beautiful and you are sincere a single one of\\nyour looks, Brigitte, tells me of it at greater length than\\nI need to make me love you. If you knew what horrors,\\nwhat monstrous perfidies the child before you has seen\\nIf you knew how people have treated him, how they\\nhave mocked him for all that was good in him, how\\nthey have taken care to teach him all that could lead\\nhim to doubt, to jealousy, to despair Alas alas my\\ndear mistress, if you knew who loves you Do not\\nreproach me in the least; be courageous enough to\\npity me I need to forget that other persons exist be-\\nsides you. Who knows through what trials, through\\nwhat frightful moments of sorrow, it will be neces-\\nsary for me to pass I did not suspect that it might\\nbe thus, I did not believe that I should have to fight.\\nSince you are mine, I see what I have done I have\\nfelt while embracing you how much my lips had been\\nsullied. In Heaven\u00e2\u0080\u0099s name, help me to live God\\nmade me better than that.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBrigitte extended her arms to me, gave me the most\\ntender caresses. She entreated me to tell her all that\\nhad given rise to that sad scene. I mentioned to her", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0295.jp2"}, "282": {"fulltext": "230\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nonly what Larive had said to me, and dared not acknowl-\\nedge to her that I had questioned Mercanson. She\\nabsolutely wanted me to listen to her explanations.\\nMonsieur de Dalens had loved her but he was a\\nfrivolous man, quite dissipated and very inconstant\\nshe had given him to understand that, not wanting to\\nmarry again, she could only entreat him to change his\\nlanguage, and he had resigned with good grace but his\\nvisits, from that time, had been getting rarer, and now\\nhe came no more. She took from the bundle a letter\\nthat she showed me, and the date of which was recent\\nI could not help blushing on finding in it the confirma-\\ntion of what she had just said to me she assured me\\nthat she forgave me, and required of me, as the only\\nchastisement, the promise that, thereafter, I would in-\\nform her on the very spot of whatever might awaken\\nin me any suspicion about her. Our treaty was sealed\\nwith a kiss, and, when I left, at daylight, we had both\\nof us forgotten that Monsieur Dalens existed.\\nA sort of stagnant inertia, tinged with a bitter joy,\\nis common to debauchees. It is a consequence of a life\\nof caprice, in which nothing is regulated according to\\nthe needs of the body, but according to the fancies of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0296.jp2"}, "283": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n231\\nthe mind, and in which the one ought always to be\\nready to obey the other. Youth and the will may\\nresist excesses; but nature is avenged in silence, and\\nthe day on which she decides to repair her strength, the\\nwill is dying to await her and to abuse her afresh.\\nFinding then around him all the objects that tempted\\nhim the evening before, the man who no longer has the\\nstrength to grasp them can give to what surrounds him\\nonly the smile of disgust. Add that these very objects,\\nwhich keenly excite his desire, are never approached in\\ncold blood all that the debauchee loves, he takes pos-\\nsession of with violence; his life is a fever; his organs,\\nin order to seek enjoyment, are obliged to bring them-\\nselves to the level of fermented liquors, courtesans, and\\nsleepless nights in his days of weariness and sloth, he\\nfeels, then, a much greater distance than another man\\nbetween his powerlessness and his temptations, and, to\\nresist the latter, it is necessary that pride come to his\\naid and make him believe that he disdains them. It is\\nthus that he incessantly spits on all the feasts of his\\nlife, and, that between a parching thirst and a profound\\nsatiety, tranquil vanity leads him to death.\\nThough I was no longer a debauchee, it suddenly\\noccurred to me that my body recalled that I had been\\nso. It is quite plain that until then I had not noticed\\nit. In the face of the sorrow that I had felt at my\\nfather\u00e2\u0080\u0099s death, everything had at first caused silence.\\nA violent love had come as long as I was in solitude,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0297.jp2"}, "284": {"fulltext": "2 3 2\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nweariness had not to struggle. Sad or gay, accord-\\ning to the moment, what matters it to him who is\\nalone\\nAs zinc, that half-metal, taken from the bluish vein in\\nwhich it sleeps in calamine, emits from itself a ray ol\\nsunshine as it approaches virgin copper, so Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nkisses gradually reawakened in my heart what I carried\\nburied there. As soon as I found myself face to face\\nwith her, I perceived what I was.\\nThere were certain days when I felt, of a morning,\\nsuch an odd disposition of mind that it is impossible to\\ndescribe it. I awoke without reason like a man who the\\nevening before has been guilty of an excess at table that\\nexhausted him. All sensations from without caused me\\nan unbearable fatigue, and all known and customary\\nobjects displeased me and wearied me; if I spoke, it was\\nto turn into ridicule what others said or what I myself\\nthought. Then, stretched on a sofa, and, as it were,\\nincapable of motion, I failed of deliberate purpose to\\ncarry out all the promenade plans that we had agreed\\nupon the evening before I imagined that I was seeking\\nin my memory for the best of what, during my good\\nmoments, I had been able to say of my tenderest and\\nmost sincere feelings to my dear mistress, and I was\\nsatisfied only when my ironical pleasantries had spoiled\\nand poisoned those memories of the happy days.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u0098\u00e2\u0080\u0098Might you not leave me that?\u00e2\u0080\u009d Brigitte sadly asked\\nof me. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf there are two such different men in you,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0298.jp2"}, "285": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n233\\nmight you not, when the bad arises, be satisfied with\\nforgetting the good\\nThe patience with which Brigitte met these aberra-\\ntions only, however, excited my ill-omened gayety.\\nStrange to say, the man who suffers, deigns to cause\\nsuffering in what he loves That one should have so\\nlittle control over one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s self, is that not the worst of\\nmaladies What is there more cruel to a woman than\\nto see a man who is leaving her arms turn, by an inex-\\ncusable caprice, into derision that which, hallowed by\\nhappy nights, is most sacred and most mysterious She\\ndid not, however, fly from me she remained near me\\ncrouched on her carpet, whilst, in my ferocious humor,\\nI was thus insulting love, and letting my madness grum-\\nble on a mouth moist with her kisses.\\nOn those days, contrary to my custom, I felt myself\\nin the mood to speak of Paris and to represent my\\ndebauched life as the best thing in the world. You\\nare only a devotee,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I laughingly said to Brigitte:\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cyou do not know what it is. There is nothing like\\nmen without care and who make love without believing\\nin it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Was this not saying that I did not believe in it?\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell,\u00e2\u0080\u009d Brigitte answered me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cteach me to please\\nyou always. I am perhaps as pretty as the mistresses\\nwhom you regret if I have not the wit they had, to\\ndivert you after their fashion, I only ask to learn. Do\\nas if you did not love me, and let me love you without\\nsaying anything about it. If I am a devotee at church,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0299.jp2"}, "286": {"fulltext": "234\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI am so likewise in love. What must be done for you\\nto believe it?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBehold her before her mirror, dressing in the middle\\nof the day as if for a ball or for a feast, affecting a\\ncoquetry which, however, she could not endure, seeking\\nto assume the same tone as I, laughing and skipping\\nthrough the room. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAm I to your taste?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said.\\nWhich of your mistresses do you find that I resemble?\\nAm I pretty enough to make you forget that one may\\nstill believe in love? Have I the air of a care-naught?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThen, in the midst of that factitious joy, I saw her as\\nshe turned her back to me, and an involuntary shudder\\nmade the dull flowers that she was placing there tremble\\non her hair. I then sprang to her feet. \u00e2\u0080\u009cStop,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nsaid to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou too closely resemble what you want\\nto imitate and what my lips are vile enough to dare\\nto bring up before you. Remove those flowers, remove\\nthat dress. Let us wash that gayety with a sincere tear\\ndo not remind me that I am only the prodigal son I\\nknow the past only too well.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBut this very repentance was cruel it proved to her\\nthat the phantoms which I had in my heart were full of\\nreality. In yielding to an impulse of horror, I did noth-\\ning but tell her clearly that her resignation and her de-\\nsire to please me presented to me only an impure image.\\nAnd it was true. I arrived at Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s in a transport\\nof joy, swearing to forget in her arms my sorrows and\\nmy past life on both knees I protested my respect for", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0300.jp2"}, "287": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n235\\nher as far as the foot of her bed I entered there as if\\ngoing into a sanctuary; I extended my arms to her while\\nshedding tears then she made a certain gesture, she re-\\nmoved her dress in a certain manner, she said a certain\\nword on approaching me and I remembered all of a\\nsudden such a girl who, on removing her dress one even-\\ning and approaching my bed, had made that gesture, had\\nspoken that word.\\nPoor devoted soul what did you suffer, then, on\\nseeing me grow pale before you, when my arms, ready\\nto receive you, fell as if deprived of life on your sweet\\nand fresh shoulder when the kiss closed on my lip, and\\nwhen the full look of love, that pure ray of God\u00e2\u0080\u0099s light,\\ntrembled in my eyes as an arrow that the wind turns\\naside Ah Brigitte, what diamonds flashed from your\\npupils from what treasures of sublime charity you\\ndrew, with a patient hand, your sad love full of pity\\nFor a long time, good and bad days succeeded each\\nother almost regularly; I showed myself alternately\\nsevere and mocking, tender and devoted, cold and\\nproud, repentant and submissive. Desgenais\u00e2\u0080\u0099s figure,\\nwhich was the first to appear to me as if to warn me of\\nwhat I was going to do, was incessantly present to my\\nthought. During my days of doubt and coldness, I con-\\nversed, so to say, with him often, at the very moment\\nwhen I had just offended Brigitte by some cruel ban-\\ntering, I said to myself: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf he were in my place, he\\nwould exceed what I have done", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0301.jp2"}, "288": {"fulltext": "236\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nSometimes, also, while putting on my hat to go to\\nBrigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house, I looked at myself in the glass and\\nsaid: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat great harm is there in it? After all, I\\nhave a pretty mistress she has given herself to a liber-\\ntine, let her take me such as I am. I arrived with a\\nsmile on my lips, I threw myself into an arm-chair in\\nan indolent and deliberate way then I saw Brigitte\\napproach with her large, soft, and restless eyes I took\\nher small white hands in mine, and I lost myself in an\\ninfinite dream.\\nHow give a name to a nameless thing Was I good\\nor was I wicked Was I distrustful or was I mad It is\\nnot necessary to reflect on that, it is necessary to go on\\nthat was settled.\\nWe had as a neighbor a young woman whose name\\nwas Madame Daniel she was not wanting in beauty,\\nstill less in coquetry she was poor and strove to pass\\nas being rich; she came to see us after dinner and\\nalways played a high game against us, though her losses\\nput her ill at ease she sang and had no voice. In the\\nheart of that unknown village, where her evil destiny\\ncompelled her to bury herself, she felt herself a prey to\\nan unheard-of thirst for pleasure. She spoke only of\\nParis, where she set foot two or three days in the year\\nshe pretended to follow the fashions my dear Brigitte\\nhelped her as best she could, while smiling at her from\\npity her husband was employed in the Land Registry\\noffice he took her on feast-days to the chief town of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0302.jp2"}, "289": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n237\\nthe Department, and, rigged out in all her deckings,\\nthe little woman danced there to her heart\u00e2\u0080\u0099s content\\nwith the garrison, in the Prefecture salons. She returned\\nfrom there with her eyes bright and her body fatigued\\nshe then came to us so as to have to tell of her prowess\\nand of the petty griefs that she had caused. The rest\\nof the time she was reading romances, having never seen\\nanything of her own household, which, moreover, was\\nnot savory.\\nEvery time that I saw her I did not fail to make fun of\\nher, finding nothing so ridiculous as that life she thought\\nshe was leading I interrupted her festive narratives to\\nask her to give news of her husband and of her father-\\nin-law, whom she detested above everything, the one\\nbecause he was her husband and the other because he\\nwas only a peasant finally, we were scarcely together\\nbefore we were disputing on some subject.\\nI took a notion, in my evil days, to pay court to\\nthat woman, merely to annoy Brigitte. \u00e2\u0080\u009cSee,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nsaid, \u00e2\u0080\u009chow perfectly Madame Daniel understands life\\nBeing of such a playful disposition, could one desire a\\nmore charming mistress?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I then undertook to praise\\nher her insignificant tattle became a freedom full of\\ndelicacy, her exaggerated pretensions, a desire to please\\nthat was quite natural was it her fault if she was poor?\\nat least she thought only of pleasure, and so confessed\\nfrankly she preached no sermons and did not listen to\\nthose of others. I went so far as to say to Brigitte that", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0303.jp2"}, "290": {"fulltext": "238\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nshe ought to take her for a model, and that that was\\naltogether the sort of woman that pleased me.\\nPoor Madame Daniel suddenly noticed in Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\neyes some signs of melancholy. She was a strange crea-\\nture, as good and as sincere, when drawn away from\\nher frippery, as she was foolish when she was intent\\nupon it. On that occasion she did something quite\\nlike herself, that is, at the same time good and foolish.\\nOne fine day, on the promenade, as they were alone,\\nshe threw herself into Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s arms, told her that she\\nnoticed that I was beginning to pay attention to her and\\nthat I addressed to her some remarks of which the inten-\\ntion was not doubtful but that she knew that I was the\\nlover of another, and that, as for her, whatever might\\nhappen, she would die rather than destroy the happiness\\nof a friend. Brigitte thanked her, and Madame Daniel,\\nhaving set her conscience at rest, scrupled no more\\nabout distracting me as much as possible by her glances.\\nIn the evening, after she had left, Brigitte told me, in\\na harsh tone, what had taken place in the wood she\\nentreated me to spare her similar affronts in future.\\nNot,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthat I pay any attention to them, or\\nthat I believe in these pleasantries but, if you have any\\nlove for me, it seems to me that it is useless to tell a\\nthird party that it is not felt by you every day.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIs it possible,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied laughing, that that is of\\nany importance? You see clearly that I am joking and\\nthat it is to kill time.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0304.jp2"}, "291": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n239\\nAh! my friend, my friend,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Brigitte, \u00e2\u0080\u009cit is a\\nmisfortune to have to kill time.\\nSome days afterwards I proposed to her to go our-\\nselves to the Prefecture and to see Madame Daniel\\ndancing she consented to it regretfully. While she was\\nfinishing her toilet, I was near the mantel-piece, and I\\nwas making her some reproach about her losing her\\nformer gayety. What ails you, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I asked her\\nI knew it as well as she did why this morose air that\\nno longer leaves you? In truth you make our life a\\nrather mournful companionship. I knew you formerly\\nmore joyous, more free and more open it is scarcely\\nflattering to me to see that I have been the cause of its\\nchanging. But you have the spirit of the cloisters you\\nwere born to live in a convent.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIt was Sunday when we passed along the promenade,\\nBrigitte ordered the carriage to be stopped to say good-\\nevening to some good friends, fresh and fine country\\ngirls who were going to dance at Les Tilleuls. After\\nshe had left them, she looked out of the window for a\\nlong time her little ball cost her dear she raised her\\nhandkerchief to her eyes.\\nAt the Prefecture we found Madame Daniel in all her\\nglory. I began by making her dance so often that it was\\nremarked I paid her a thousand compliments, and she\\nanswered them as best she could.\\nBrigitte was in front of us; her look never left us.\\nWhat I experienced is difficult to tell it was pleasure", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0305.jp2"}, "292": {"fulltext": "240\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nand pain clearly, she was jealous but, instead of being\\ntouched thereby, I did all that was necessary to disturb\\nher more.\\nI expected, on returning, reproaches on her part not\\nonly did she not make them, but she remained gloomy\\nand mute the next day and the day following. When I\\narrived at her house, she came to me and embraced me\\nafter which, we sat down facing each other, both pre-\\noccupied and scarcely exchanging a few insignificant\\nwords. The third day she spoke, broke out into bitter\\nreproaches, told me that my conduct was inexplicable,\\nthat she knew not what to think of it, except that I no\\nlonger loved her but that she could not bear this life,\\nand that she was resolved on anything rather than endure\\nmy oddities and my coldness. She had her eyes filled\\nwith tears, and I was ready to ask her pardon, when there\\nsuddenly escaped from her a few words so bitter that my\\npride revolted. I replied to her in the same tone, and\\nour quarrel assumed a violent character. I told her that\\nit was ridiculous that I could not inspire my mistress\\nwith confidence sufficient for her to trust in me as to my\\nmost ordinary actions that Madame Daniel was only a\\npretext that she knew very well that I did not think\\nseriously of that woman that her pretended jealousy was\\nonly a very real despotism, and that, moreover, if this\\nlife fatigued her, it depended only on her to break it off.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cBe it so,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she replied. \u00e2\u0080\u009cThe more so, as, since I\\nhave been yours, I no longer recognize you you have no", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0306.jp2"}, "293": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n241\\ndoubt played a comedy to persuade me that you loved\\nme it tires you, and you have only insult to give me\\nback. You suspect me of deceiving you at the first\\nword that one says to you, and I have no business to\\nendure an insult that you heap on me. You are no\\nlonger the man whom I have loved.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI know,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat your sufferings are.\\nOn what does it depend that they are not renewed at\\nevery step that I may take? Ere long I shall not\\nhave permission to address a word to any one but you.\\nYou feign to be maltreated so as to be able to give\\ninsult yourself you accuse me of tyranny so that I may\\nbecome a slave. Since I disturb your rest, live in\\npeace you will not see me again.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWe parted in wrath, and I spent a day without seeing\\nher. On the following evening, toward midnight, I\\nfelt in me a sadness that I could not resist. I shed\\na torrent of tears; I overwhelmed myself with insults\\nwhich I well merited. I said to myself that I was only\\na madman, and only a wicked sort of madman, to make\\nthe noblest, the best of creatures suffer. I ran to her\\nhouse to throw myself at her feet.\\nOn entering the garden I saw her room lit up, and a\\ndoubtful thought passed through my mind. She is\\nnot expecting me at this hour,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself; \u00e2\u0080\u009cwho\\nknows what she is doing I left her in tears yesterday\\nI am going, perhaps, to find her again getting ready to\\nsing and not caring any more for me than if I did not", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0307.jp2"}, "294": {"fulltext": "242\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nexist. She is, perhaps, at her toilet, like the other. I\\nmust enter gently and know what to expect.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI advanced on tiptoe, and, the door being by chance\\nopen, I could see Brigitte without being seen.\\nShe was seated in front of her table and was writing\\nin that same book which had caused my first doubts on\\nher account. In her left hand she held a small white\\nwooden box which she looked at from time to time with\\na sort of nervous trembling. I do not know what there\\nwas of a sinister effect in the appearance of tranquillity\\nthat reigned in the room. Her secretary was open, and\\nseveral bundles of paper were arranged there as if they\\nhad just been put in order.\\nI made some noise in pushing the door. She rose,\\nwent to the secretary, which she closed, and then came\\nto me with a smile: \u00e2\u0080\u009cOctave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwe\\nare two children, my dear. Our quarrel is quite sense-\\nless, and, if you had not returned this evening, I\\nwould have been at your house to-night. Pardon me, it\\nis I who am w rong. Madame Daniel is coming to\\ndinner to-morrow; make me repent, if you wish, for\\nwhat you call my despotism. Provided that you love\\nme, I am happy let us forget what has passed and let\\nus not spoil our happiness.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0308.jp2"}, "295": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n243\\nIII\\nOur quarrel had been, so to say, less sad than our\\nreconciliation; it was accompanied, on Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s part,\\nwith a mystery that frightened me at first, and after-\\nwards left a continual restlessness in my soul.\\nThe more I went, the more were developed in me,\\ndespite all my efforts, the two elements of misfortune\\nthat the past had bequeathed to me sometimes a furious\\njealousy full of reproach and insult sometimes a cruel\\ngayety, an affected levity that outraged, while bantering\\nwhat I held most dear. Thus inexorable memories\\npursued me unrelentingly thus Brigitte, seeing herself\\ntreated alternately either as a faithless mistress or as a\\nkept girl, fell gradually into a sadness that devastated\\nour whole life and worst of all is that this very sadness,\\nthough I felt the reason for it and though I felt myself\\nguilty, was none the less chargeable to me. I was\\nyoung and I loved pleasure; that every-day familiarity\\nwith a woman older than myself, who was suffering and\\nlanguishing, that countenance ever more and more seri-\\nous which I had always before me, all that was revolting\\nto my youth and inspired me with bitter regrets for my\\nold-time liberty.\\nWhen, on a beautiful moonlight night, we were slowly\\ntraversing the forest, we both of us felt ourselves seized", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0309.jp2"}, "296": {"fulltext": "244\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwith a deep melancholy. Brigitte was looking at me\\npitifully. We went and sat down on a rock that over-\\nlooked a desert gorge we spent whole hours there her\\nhalf-veiled eyes plunged through mine into my heart,\\nthen she turned them to nature, to the heavens, to the\\nvalley. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh! my dear child,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009chow I pity\\nyou you do not love me.\\nTo reach that rock it was necessary to go two leagues\\nthrough the woods the same to return, and that made\\nfour. Brigitte was not afraid either of fatigue or of the\\nnight. We set out at eleven o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock in the evening to\\nreturn only some time in the morning. When we took\\nthose long journeys, she wore a blue blouse and men\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\ngarments, saying gayly that her customary costume was\\nnot made for brushwood. She walked in front of me in\\nthe sand, with a determined step and with so charming\\na mingling of feminine delicacy and childish temerity\\nthat I stopped to look at her every moment. It seemed,\\nonce she had started, that she had to perform a difficult\\ntask, but a sacred one; she went ahead like a soldier,\\nswinging her arms and singing at the top of her voice\\nall of a sudden she turned round, came to me and\\nembraced me. It was to go on returning, she leaned\\non my arm then, more singing there were con-\\nfidences, tender chats in a low voice, though we were\\nthe only beings for more than two leagues around. I\\ndo not remember a single word exchanged during the\\nreturn that was not of love or of friendship.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0310.jp2"}, "297": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n245\\nOne evening, in order to reach the rock, we had\\ntaken a road of our own invention, that is, we had cut\\nacross the woods without following a road. Brigitte\\nwent there with such a good heart, and her little velvet\\ncap on her luxuriant blond hair so distinctly gave her\\nthe air of a sturdy urchin that I forgot that she was a\\nwoman, when there was some step hard to cross. More\\nthan once she had been obliged to call me back so as to\\naid her to climb the rocks, w r hilst, without thinking of\\nher, I had already mounted higher. I cannot describe\\nthe effect then produced, on that clear and magnificent\\nnight, in the midst of the forest, by that half-joyous,\\nhalf-plaintive woman\u00e2\u0080\u0099s voice, emerging from that small\\nscholar\u00e2\u0080\u0099s body hanging on to furze bushes and tree-\\ntrunks, and no longer able to advance. I took her in\\nmy arms. Come, madame,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, laughing,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cyou are a pretty little brave and alert mountaineer;\\nbut you are peeling the skin off your white hands, and,\\nin spite of your thick iron-tipped shoes, your stick and\\nyour martial air, I see that it is necessary to carry you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWe arrived all out of breath I had a strap around\\nmy body and I carried something to drink in a wicker-\\ncovered bottle. When we were on the rock, my dear\\nBrigitte asked me for my bottle I had lost it, as well as,\\na tinder-box that served us for another purpose it was\\nto read the names of the roads written on the posts\\nwhen we had gone astray, which was happening con-\\ntinually. I then clambered to the posts, when it was", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0311.jp2"}, "298": {"fulltext": "246\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nnecessary to kindle the tinder sufficiently for the purpose\\nof catching in transit the half-effaced letters; all that\\nmadly, like the two children that we were. It was\\nnecessary to us, when at a cross-roads we had to decipher\\nnot one, but five or six posts, in order to discover the\\nright one. But that evening our entire baggage had\\nremained on the grass. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWell,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Brigitte to me,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cwe will spend the night here; and, indeed, I am\\ntired. This rock is a rather hard bed; we will make\\none with dry leaves. Let us sit down and talk no more\\nof it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThe evening was superb the moon was rising behind\\nus I saw it still to my left. Brigitte watched it for a\\nlong time emerging from the black tracery that the\\nwooded hills outlined on the horizon. In proportion\\nas the light of the orb emerged from behind the thick\\ncopse and was spreading in the heavens, Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s song\\nbecame slower and more melancholy. She soon bent\\ndown, and, throwing her arms around my neck: \u00e2\u0080\u009cDo\\nnot believe,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthat I do not understand your\\nheart and that I make reproaches to you for what you\\nmake me suffer. It is not your fault, my love, if you\\nare lacking in strength to forget your past life; it is\\nin good faith that you have loved me, and I will never\\nregret, even should I have to die of your love, the day\\non which I gave myself. You believed that you were\\nborn again to life and that you would forget in my arms\\nthe memory of the women who ruined you. Alas", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0312.jp2"}, "299": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n247\\nOctave, I formerly smiled at that precocious experience\\nwhich you said you had acquired and of which I heard\\nyou boast, like children who know nothing. I believed\\nthat I had only to wish, and that all that was good in\\nyour heart would come to your lips at my first kiss.\\nYou believed so yourself, and both of us have been\\nmistaken. O child you carry in your heart a wound\\nthat will not be healed that woman who deceived you,\\nyou must indeed have loved dearly yes, more than me,\\nmuch more, alas since with all my poor love I cannot\\nefface her image it must also be that she cruelly de-\\nceived you, since it is in vain that I am faithful to you\\nand the others, those wretches what have they done to\\npoison your youth The pleasures that they sold to you\\nwere, then, very keen and very terrible, since you ask\\nme to resemble them You remember them beside me\\nAh my child, that is the most cruel. I prefer to see you\\nunjust and cruel, to reproach me with imaginary crimes\\nand to be avenged on me for the evil done to you by\\nyour first mistress, than to find on your countenance that\\nfrightful gayety, that mocking libertine air that suddenly\\ncomes to place itself like a plaster mask between your\\nlips and mine. Tell me, Octave, why is that? why\\nthese days when you speak to me of love with contempt\\nand when you so sadly mock even our sweetest ebulli-\\ntions? What control over your irritable nerves, then,\\nhad been gained by that frightful life which you have\\nled, for such insults still to float on your lips in spite of", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0313.jp2"}, "300": {"fulltext": "248\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nyou Yes, in spite of you, for your heart is noble, you,\\nyourself, blush at what you are doing you love me too\\nmuch not to suffer from it, because you see that I am\\nsuffering from it. Ah now I know you. The first time\\nthat I saw you thus, I was seized with a terror of which\\nnothing can give you an idea. I believed that you were\\nonly a rake, that you had designedly deceived me by\\nthe pretence of a love that you did not feel, and that\\nI saw you such as you really were. O my friend I\\nthought of death; what a night I spent! You do not\\nknow my life you do not know that I, who am speak-\\ning to you, have not had a sweeter experience of the\\nworld than you. Alas life is sweet, that is, to those\\nwho do not know it.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou, my dear Octave, are not the first man whom I\\nhave loved. At the bottom of my heart there is a fatal\\nhistory, which I desire that you should know. My\\nfather had intended me, while yet young, for the only\\nson of an old friend. They were country neighbors\\nand owned two small estates of almost equal value. The\\ntwo families saw each other nearly every day and, so to\\nsay, lived together. My father died a long time had\\nelapsed since we had lost our mother. I lived under the\\nguardianship of my aunt, whom you know. A journey\\nthat she was compelled to take some time afterwards\\nobliged her to entrust me in her turn to my future\\nfather-in-law. He never called me anything but his\\ndaughter, and it was so well known in the country that", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0314.jp2"}, "301": {"fulltext": "^art jfourtf) (Chapter fiM\\nWell said Brigitte to me we will spend the night\\nhere and indeed tired. This rock is a rather\\nhard bed we will make one with dry leaves", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0315.jp2"}, "302": {"fulltext": "3F1 tmp(f\u00c2\u00a9 tttXf\\nWsvm vw Vsstt\\nh* b* a is 5cwr* isSTC .YraVA $w ,Vm\u00c2\u00bb \\\\\u00c2\u00abs*\\n.i^VSSfck m^Oe f svss \\\\YWS ^vas Vsrc\u00c2\u00bb", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0316.jp2"}, "303": {"fulltext": "I Un 1\\n\u00e2\u0080\u00a2\u00e2\u0080\u00a2\u00e2\u0096\u00a07\\na", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0317.jp2"}, "304": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0318.jp2"}, "305": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0321.jp2"}, "306": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0322.jp2"}, "307": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n249\\nI was to marry his son that both of us were left together\\nin the greatest liberty.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cThis young man, whose name it is useless to tell\\nyou, had always appeared to love me. What for years\\nhad been a childhood\u00e2\u0080\u0099s friendship became love in time.\\nHe began, when we were alone, to speak to me of the\\nhappiness that awaited us he pictured his impatience to\\nme. I was younger than he by only a year but he had\\nmade in the neighborhood the acquaintance of a man of\\nbad life, a sort of adventurer to whose advice he had\\nlistened. Whilst I was giving myself up to his caresses\\nwith the confidence of a child, he resolved to deceive\\nhis father, to break his word with all of us and to\\nabandon me after having ruined me.\\nHis father had made us come to his room one\\nmorning, and there, in the presence of the whole\\nfamily, had announced to us that the day was fixed for\\nour marriage. That very evening he met me in the\\ngarden, spoke to me of his love more forcibly than ever,\\ntold me that, since the date was fixed upon, he regarded\\nhimself as my husband, and that before God he was so\\nsince his birth. I had no other excuse to allege than\\nmy youth, my ignorance, and the confidence that I had.\\nI gave myself to him before being his wife, and eight\\ndays afterwards he left his father\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house; he fled with\\na woman with whom his new friend had made him\\nacquainted; he wrote to us that he was leaving for\\nGermany, and we have never seen him since.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0323.jp2"}, "308": {"fulltext": "250\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nThat, in a word, is the history of my life my hus-\\nband knew it as you know it now. I have a great deal\\nof pride, my child, and I had sworn in my solitude that\\nnever would a man make me suffer a second time what I\\nsuffered then. I have seen you and I have forgotten my\\noath, but not my sorrow. I must be treated gently if\\nyou are ill, I am so likewise we must be careful of each\\nother. You see, Octave, that I also know what the\\nmemory of the past is. It inspires me also when near\\nyou with moments of cruel terror; I shall have more\\ncourage than you, for perhaps I have suffered more. It\\nwill be for me to begin my heart is quite far from sure\\nof itself, I am still very weak my life in this village\\nwas so peaceful before you came here I had so often\\npromised myself not to change anything in it All\\nthat makes me exacting. Well, no matter, I am yours.\\nYou have told me, in your good moments, that Provi-\\ndence has charged me to watch over you like a mother.\\nIt is the truth, my love; I am not your mistress every\\nday there are many days when I am, when I want to\\nbe, your mother. Yes, when you make me suffer, I no\\nlonger see my lover in you you are then only a sick\\nchild, distrustful or mutinous, whom I want to care for\\nor cure in order again to find him whom I love and\\nwhom I want to love always. May God give me this\\nstrength!\u00e2\u0080\u009d she added, as she looked towards heaven.\\nMay God who sees us, who hears me, may the God\\nof mothers and lovers let me accomplish this task!", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0324.jp2"}, "309": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n25 1\\nEven should I succumb, even should my pride that\\nrevolts, my poor heart that is breaking, in spite of me,\\neven should my whole life\\nShe did not finish her tears stopped her. O God I\\nsaw her there on her knees, her hands clasped, resting on\\nthe rock the wind made her sway in front of me like the\\nheather that surrounds us. Frail and sublime creature\\nshe was praying for her love. I raised her up in my arms.\\nO my sole friend I exclaimed, O my mistress, my\\nmother and my sister ask also for me that I may love\\nyou as you deserve. Ask that I may live that my heart\\nmay be washed in your tears; that it may become a stain-\\nless sacrifice, and that we may share it before God\\nWe threw ourselves on the rock. All was silence\\naround us above our heads spread the sky resplendent\\nwith stars. Do you recognize it? I said to Brigitte\\ndo you remember the first day\\nThank God, since that evening we have never re-\\nturned to that rock. It is an altar that has remained\\npure it is one of the only spectres of my life that is\\nstill clad in white when it passes before my eyes.\\nIV\\nAs I was crossing the square, I saw two men stop\\none evening, and one of them said rather loudly: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt\\nappears that he has maltreated her.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt is her fault,\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0325.jp2"}, "310": {"fulltext": "252\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthe other replied why choose such a man He has\\nto do only with fast girls she is enduring the penalty\\nof her folly.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI advanced in the darkness to recognize those who\\nwere speaking thus and to try to hear more from them\\nbut they went away on seeing me.\\nI found Brigitte restless her aunt was seriously ill\\nshe had only time to say a few words to me. I could\\nnot see her for a whole week; I knew that she had\\nbrought a physician from Paris at last, one day she\\nsent for me.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMy aunt is dead,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said to me; \u00e2\u0080\u009cI lose the only\\nbeing that remained to me on earth. I am now alone\\nin the world, and I am going to leave the country.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAm I, then, really nothing to you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes, my friend; you know that I love you, and I\\noften think that you love me. But how could I count\\non you? I am your mistress, alas without your being\\nmy lover. It is for you that Shakespeare uses this sad\\nexpression 4 Get thee a changeable taffeta doublet made,\\nfor your mind is like the thousand-hued opal.\u00e2\u0080\u0099 And as\\nfor me, Octave, she added, as she pointed to her mourn-\\ning dress, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI am devoted to a single color, and for a\\nlong time I will not change it again.\\nLeave the country if you will either I will kill my-\\nself, or I will follow you. Ah Brigitte,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I continued, as\\nI threw myself on my knees before her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou thought\\nthat you were alone when you saw your aunt die", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0326.jp2"}, "311": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n253\\nThat is the most cruel punishment that you could inflict\\non me never have I felt more painfully the wretched-\\nness of my love for you. You must retract that horrible\\nthought I merit it, but it is killing me. O God can\\nit be true that I count as nothing in your life, or that I\\nam something in it only by the evil that I am doing\\nyou\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI do not know,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwho is concerned\\nabout us; there have been strange remarks spread\\nabroad for some time past, in this village and in the\\nneighborhood. Some say that I am ruining myself;\\nthey accuse me of imprudence and folly others repre-\\nsent you as a cruel and dangerous man. They have pene-\\ntrated, I know not how, even into our most secret\\nthoughts what I imagined I alone knew, those inequal-\\nities in your conduct and the sad scenes to which they\\nhave given rise, all that is known; my poor aunt has\\nspoken to me of it, and long ago she knew of it with-\\nout saying anything about it. Who knows but all that\\nmade her sink more rapidly, more cruelly, into the\\ngrave When I meet my former friends on the prome-\\nnade, they approach me coldly or shun me on my ap-\\nproach; my dear peasant women themselves, those\\ngood girls who loved me so much, shrug their shoulders\\non Sunday when they see my place empty under the\\norchestra at their little ball. Why, how does that\\nhappen I do not know, nor you either, no doubt\\nbut I must leave, I cannot bear that. And this death,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0327.jp2"}, "312": {"fulltext": "254\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthis sudden and frightful malady, above all, this soli-\\ntude this empty room Courage fails me my love,\\nmy love, do not abandon me!\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe wept in the neighboring room I noticed wear-\\ning apparel in disorder, a trunk on the floor, and all\\nthat betold of preparations for leaving. It was clear\\nthat at the moment of her aunt\u00e2\u0080\u0099s death, Brigitte had\\nwanted to leave without me, and that she had not the\\nstrength for it. She was indeed so broken down that\\nshe spoke only with difficulty her situation was horri-\\nble, and it was I who made it so. Not only was she\\nunhappy, but she was insulted in public, and the man\\nin whom she should have found at the same time a\\nsupport and a consoler, was to her only a still more\\nfruitful source of restlessness and torture.\\nI so keenly felt my wrong-doings that I was ashamed\\nof myself. After so many promises, so much useless\\nexaltation, so many plans and so many hopes, this,\\nthen, was what I had come to, and in the space of\\nthree months I thought I had a treasure in my heart,\\nand there had come out of it only a bitter spleen, the\\nshadow of a dream, and the misfortune of a woman\\nwhom I adored. For the first time I found myself\\nreally face to face with myself; Brigitte uttered no\\nreproach she wanted to leave and could not do so\\nshe was ready to suffer further. I asked myself all of a\\nsudden if I ought not to leave her, if it was not my\\nduty to fly from her and to deliver her from a scourge.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0328.jp2"}, "313": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n255\\nI arose, and, passing into the next room, I went and\\nsat down on Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s trunk. There, I supported my\\nbrow on my hands and remained as if annihilated. I\\nlooked around me at all those half-completed packages,\\nthe clothing spread out on the furniture alas I knew\\nthem all; there was a little of my heart after all that\\nhad touched her. I began to calculate all the evil that\\nI had caused I again saw my dear Brigitte pass under\\nthe linden alley, her white goat running after her.\\nOh, man I exclaimed to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand by what\\nright? What makes you so bold as to come here and\\nput your hand on this woman? Who has given per-\\nmission for another to suffer on your account? You\\ncomb yourself before your mirror, and go your way,\\nfoppish, in good luck, to the home of your distracted\\nmistress you throw yourself on the cushions where\\nshe has just prayed for you and for her, and you tap\\ngently, with an easy air, on those slender hands that\\nare still trembling. You understand how to excite a\\npoor creature, and you perorate rather warmly in your\\namorous madness, almost like lawyers who come red-\\neyed out of a petty suit that they have lost. You play\\nthe little prodigal son, you bandy words with suffering\\nyou find leisure to commit a boudoir murder with pin-\\nstabs. What will you say to the living God when your\\nwork shall be finished Whither goes the woman who\\nloves you Whither do you glide, where do you fall,\\nwhilst she is leaning on you? With what countenance", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0329.jp2"}, "314": {"fulltext": "256\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwill you one day bury your pale and wretched lover,\\nas she has just buried the last being who protected\\nher? Yes, yes, without a doubt you will bury her, for\\nyour love is killing her and is consuming her you have\\nvowed her to your Furies, and it is she who is appeasing\\nthem. If you follow this woman, she will die through\\nyou. Take care her good angel hesitates he has\\ncome to strike that blow in that house in order to drive\\na fatal and shameful passion from it he has inspired\\nBrigitte with that thought of her leaving he is perhaps\\nwhispering in her ear at this moment his last warning.\\nO assassin O executioner take care it is a question\\nof life and of death\\nThus did I speak to myself then I saw on a corner of\\nthe sofa a little striped gingham dress, already folded to\\nbe put into the trunk. It had been the witness of one of\\nthe few of our happy days. I touched it and raised it up.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI to leave you!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to it; \u00e2\u0080\u009cI to lose you!\\nO cherished gown you want to leave without me\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo, I cannot abandon Brigitte; at this moment it\\nwould be an act of cowardice. She has just lost her\\naunt, look at her alone she is the object of the remarks\\nof some unknown enemy. It can be only Mercanson\\nhe no doubt has told of his conversation with me about\\nDalens, and, seeing me jealous one day, he has con-\\ncluded from that and guessed at the rest. Assuredly,\\nhe is a snake that comes to befoul my dearly-beloved\\nflower. In the first place, I must punish him for it, then", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0330.jp2"}, "315": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n257\\nI must repair the evil that I have done to Brigitte.\\nWhat a madman I am I think of leaving her when it\\nis necessary to devote my life to her, to expiate my\\nwrong-doings, to give back to her, in happiness, in\\nattentions and in love, what tears I have caused to flow\\nfrom her eyes when I am her only support in the\\nworld, her only friend, her only sword when I ought\\nto follow her to the end of the world, to shelter her\\nwith my body, to console her for having loved me and\\nfor having given herself to me\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cBrigitte!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed as I entered the room in\\nwhich she had remained, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwait for me an hour, and I\\nwill return.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhere are you going? she asked.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWait for me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cdo not leave without\\nme. Remember the words of Ruth Whither thou\\ngoest, I will go; thy people shall be my people, and\\nthy God my God Where thou diest, will I die, and\\nthere will I be buried.\u00e2\u0080\u0099\\nI left her hurriedly and I ran to Mercanson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s; I was\\ntold that he had gone out, and I entered his house to\\nwait for him.\\nI had sat down in a corner, on the priest\u00e2\u0080\u0099s leather\\nchair, in front of his black and dirty table. I was\\nbeginning to find the time long, when I came to recall\\nmy duel about my first mistress.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI received there,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009ca good pistol\\nshot, and I have remained a ridiculous madman from it.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0331.jp2"}, "316": {"fulltext": "258\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nWhat have I come to do here? This priest will not\\nfight; if I go and pick a quarrel with him, he will\\nanswer me that the form of his dress excuses him from\\nlistening to me, and he will prate about it a little more\\nwhen I shall have left. What, moreover, is that talking\\nwhich people are doing? about what is Brigitte dis-\\nturbed? It is said that she is ruining her reputation,\\nthat I maltreat her and that she is wrong to endure it.\\nWhat folly that concerns no one there is nothing\\nbetter than to let them talk in such a case, to be con-\\ncerned about these annoyances is to attach importance\\nto them. Can one prevent provincial folk from being\\nconcerned about their neighbors? Can one prevent\\nprudes from speaking ill of a woman who takes a lover\\nWhat means could one find for putting a stop to a public\\nrumor? If people say that I maltreat her, it is for me\\nto prove the contrary by my conduct toward her, and\\nnot by violence. It would be as ridiculous to seek a\\nquarrel with Mercanson, as to leave a country because\\npeople chatter there. No, it is unnecessary to leave the\\ncountry; it is impolitic; it would be telling everybody\\nthat people were right and playing into the hands of the\\nbabblers. It is not the right thing either to leave or to\\nbe concerned with talk.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI returned to Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s. A half-hour had scarcely\\npassed, and I had three times changed my mind. I dis-\\nsuaded her from her plan I told her what I had just\\ndone and why I had refrained. She listened to me", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0332.jp2"}, "317": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n259\\nresignedly yet she wanted to leave that house in which\\nher aunt had died was odious to her much effort was\\nneeded on my part to make her consent to remain; I\\nat last succeeded. We repeated to each other that we\\ndespised the world\u00e2\u0080\u0099s talk, that it was not necessary to\\nyield to them in anything nor to make any change in\\nour habits of life. I swore to her that my love would\\nconsole her for all her sorrows, and she feigned to hope\\nso. I told her that this circumstance had so enlightened\\nme on all my wrong-doings that my conduct would\\nprove my repentance to her, that I wanted to drive\\naway from me as a phantom all the bad leaven that re-\\nmained in my heart, that she would henceforward have\\nto suffer neither from my pride nor from my caprices\\nand thus, sad and patient, ever hanging on my neck,\\nshe obeyed a mere caprice that I myself took for a flash\\nof my reason.\\nv\\nOne day, on returning to her home, I saw a little\\nroom open that she called her oratory the only furni-\\nture in it indeed was a kneeling-chair and a small altar,\\nwith a cross and some flower-vases. Moreover, the walls\\nand the curtains, everything was as white as snow. She\\nshut herself up there sometimes, but rarely, since I had\\nbeen living with her.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0333.jp2"}, "318": {"fulltext": "260\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI leaned against the door, and I saw Brigitte seated\\non the floor in the midst of flowers that she had just\\nthrown down. She was holding a small wreath that\\nappeared to me to be of dry grass, and was breaking it\\nbetween her hands.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat are you doing there?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I asked her. She\\nstarted and arose. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt is nothing,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cchild\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nplay it is an old wreath of roses that has faded in this\\noratory it is a long time since I put it there I have\\ncome to change my flowers.\\nShe spoke in a trembling voice and seemed ready to\\nfaint. I remembered that name of Brigitte la Rose\\nwhich I had heard given to her. I asked her if by\\nchance it was not her rose wreath that she had just\\nbroken thus.\\nNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she replied, as she grew pale.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyes; on my life give me the\\npieces\\nI picked them up and laid them on the altar, then I\\nremained mute, my eyes fixed on those ruins.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cShould I not be right,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cif it was my\\nwreath, to have removed it from that wall on which it\\nwas for so long a time? What are these ruins good for?\\nBrigitte la Rose is no longer of this world, any more\\nthan the roses that baptized her.\\nShe left I heard a sob, and the door was closed on\\nme; I fell on my knees on the stone and I wept\\nbitterly.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0334.jp2"}, "319": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n261\\nWhen I went back to her, I found her seated at table\\ndinner was ready, and she was waiting for me. I took\\nmy place in silence, and there was no question of what\\nwe had in our hearts.\\nVI\\nIt was indeed Mercanson who in the village and in\\nthe neighboring chateaus had told of my conversation\\nwith him about Dalens, and the suspicions which, in\\nspite of myself, I had let him clearly see into. You\\nknow how, in the provinces, slanderous talk is repeated,\\nit flies from mouth to mouth, and is exaggerated that\\nwas what then happened.\\nBrigitte and I found ourselves sitting face to face with\\neach other in a new position. Whatever weakness she\\nhad shown in her attempt at leaving, she had done it\\nnone the less. It was at my entreaty that she had re-\\nmained there was an obligation in that. I had pledged\\nmyself not to disturb her rest either by my jealousy or\\nby my levity every harsh or teasing word that escaped\\nme was a fault, every sad look that she gave me was a\\nreproach felt and merited.\\nHer good and simple naturalness made her at first\\nfind in her solitude an additional charm she could see\\nme at any hour and without being obliged to take any", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0335.jp2"}, "320": {"fulltext": "262\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nprecaution. Perhaps she gave herself up to this facility-\\nin order to prove to me that she preferred her love to her\\nreputation it seemed that she repented of having shown\\nherself sensitive to the remarks of backbiters. How-\\never this may be, instead of being watchful of ourselves\\nand defending ourselves from curiosity, we, on the con-\\ntrary, assumed a sort of freer and more careless life than\\never.\\nI went to her house at the breakfast hour; having\\nnothing to do during the day, I went out only with her.\\nShe kept me for dinner, the evening slipped away ere\\nlong, when the hour for returning had arrived, we\\nimagined a thousand pretexts, we took a thousand\\nillusory precautions, which, at bottom, were not such.\\nAt last I lived, so to say, at her house, and we made a\\nsemblance of believing that no one noticed it.\\nI kept my word for some time, and not a cloud dis-\\nturbed our familiar chats. Those were happy days it\\nis not of them that it is necessary to speak.\\nIt was said everywhere in the country, that Brigitte\\nwas living publicly with a libertine who had come from\\nParis that her lover maltreated her, that their time was\\nspent in leaving each other and in coming together\\nagain, but that all that would end badly. As much as\\nthey had bestowed praise on Brigitte for her past con-\\nduct, so much did they blame her now. There was\\nnothing in that very conduct, formerly worthy of all\\npraise, that they did not go and look up in order to give", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0336.jp2"}, "321": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 263\\nit a bad interpretation. Her lonely journeyings in the\\nmountains, the object of which was charity and which\\nhad never aroused suspicion, became all of a sudden the\\nsubject of by-talk and jibes. They spoke of her as of a\\nwoman who had lost all human respect and who must\\njustly draw upon herself inevitable and frightful mis-\\nfortunes.\\nI had told Brigitte that my opinion was to let them\\ntattle, and I did not want to appear as noticing those\\nremarks but the truth is that they became unbearable\\nto me. I went out sometimes expressly, and I went to\\npay visits in the neighborhood in order to try and hear\\na positive expression that I could have regarded as an\\ninsult, so as to demand satisfaction therefor. I listened\\nattentively to all that was said in a low voice in a salon\\nin which I found myself, but I could catch nothing so\\nas to tear me to pieces at their ease, they waited for me\\nto leave. I then returned home and I told Brigitte that\\nall those stories were only trifles, that one must be silly\\nto take any notice of them that people might talk of\\nus as much as they pleased, and that I did not want to\\nknow anything of them.\\nWas I not guilty beyond all expression If Brigitte\\nwas imprudent, was it not my part to reflect and to\\nwarn her of the danger Quite the contrary, I, so to\\nsay, took sides with the world against her.\\nI had begun by showing myself careless I soon came\\nto showing myself wicked. Truly,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to Brigitte,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0337.jp2"}, "322": {"fulltext": "264\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cpeople talk ill of your nocturnal excursions. Are you\\nquite sure that they are wrong Has nothing happened\\nin the alleys and in the grottoes of that romantic forest\\nHave you never accepted, while returning at dusk, an\\nunknown man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s arm, as you accepted mine? Was it\\nindeed charity alone that served you as a divinity in\\nthat beautiful temple of verdure which you traversed so\\ncourageously\\nBrigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s first look, when I began to assume this tone,\\nwill never leave my memory I myself shuddered at it.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cBut, bah! I thought, \u00e2\u0080\u009cshe would do like my first\\nmistress, if I gave her occasion and cause for it; she\\nwould point her finger at me as a ridiculous fool, and I\\nshould pay for it all in the eyes of the public.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nFrom the man who doubts, to him who denies, there\\nis hardly any distance. Every philosopher is cousin to\\nan atheist. After having told Brigitte that I had doubts\\nof her past conduct, I really doubted it and, as soon\\nas I doubted it, I did not believe in it.\\nI came to represent to myself that Brigitte was deceiv-\\ning me, she whom I did not leave for an hour in the\\nday sometimes I designedly remained absent for rather\\nlong intervals, and I satisfied myself that it was to try\\nher but, in reality, it was only to give me, as if without\\nmy knowing it, a reason for doubting and bantering.\\nThen I was satisfied when I remarked to her that, far\\nfrom being more jealous, I no longer cared for those silly\\nfears that formerly passed through my mind be it well", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0338.jp2"}, "323": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 265\\nunderstood that that meant that I did not esteem her\\nenough to be jealous.\\nI had at first kept to myself the reflections that I made\\nI soon found pleasure in making them openly in Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\npresence. Did we go out for a walk That dress is\\npretty,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her; such a girl among my friends\\nhas one like it, I believe.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Were we at table Come,\\nmy dear, my former mistress sang her song at dessert it\\nis right that you imitate her.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Did she sit down at the\\npiano: \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh! as a favor, play me the waltz, then, that\\nwas the rage last winter that recalls the happy time.\\nReader, that lasted six months for six entire months,\\nBrigitte, calumniated, exposed to the insults of the\\nworld, had to endure on my part all the disdain and all\\nthe insults that a wrathful and cruel libertine could lavish\\non the girl that he was paying.\\nOn leaving those frightful scenes in which my mind\\nwas being exhausted in tortures and was rending my\\nown heart, in turn accusing and bantering, but always\\ngreedy to suffer and to return to the past on leaving\\nthere, a strange love, an exaltation driven to excess,\\nmade me treat my mistress as an idol, as a divinity. A\\nquarter of an hour after having insulted her, I was on\\nmy knees as soon as I was no longer accusing, I was\\nasking pardon as soon as I was no longer bantering, I\\nwas weeping. Then an unheard-of delirium, a fever of\\nhappiness, took possession of me; I showed myself over-\\ncome with joy, I almost lost my reason by the violence", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0339.jp2"}, "324": {"fulltext": "266\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nof my transports I knew not what to say, what to do,\\nwhat to imagine, so as to repair the evil that I had done.\\nI took Brigitte in my arms, and I made her repeat, a\\nhundred times, a thousand times, that she loved me and\\nthat she forgave me. I spoke of expiating my wrong-\\ndoings and of blowing out my brains if I resumed mal-\\ntreating her. These transports of the heart lasted whole\\nnights, during which I did not cease to speak, to weep,\\nto roll at Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s feet, to intoxicate myself with an\\nunbounded, enervating, mad love. Then morning came,\\nday appeared I fell exhausted, I went to sleep, and I\\nreawoke with a smile on my lips, mocking at everything\\nand believing in nothing.\\nDuring those nights of terrible joy, Brigitte did not\\nappear to remember that there was in me another man\\nthan he whom she had before her eyes. When I asked\\nher forgiveness she shrugged her shoulders, as if to say\\nto me Do you not know that I forgive you She\\nfelt herself smitten with my fever. How often I saw\\nher, pale from pleasure and from love, saying to me that\\nshe wanted me thus, that those storms were her life;\\nthat the sufferings which she had endured were dear to\\nher thus paid for, that she would never complain as long\\nas there remained in my heart a spark of our love that\\nshe knew that she would die of it, but that she hoped that\\nI would die of it myself; in fine, that everything was\\ngood to her, was sweet to her, coming from me, insults\\nas well as tears, and that these delights were her tomb.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0340.jp2"}, "325": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n267\\nYet the days were passing, and my evil was inces-\\nsantly growing worse, my attacks of spitefulness and\\nirony were assuming a sombre and unmanageable char-\\nacter. Amid my follies I had veritable attacks of fever\\nthat struck me down like lightning flashes; I awoke\\ntrembling in all my members and bathed in a cold per-\\nspiration. An impulse of surprise, an unexpected im-\\npression, made me jump so as to frighten those who saw\\nme Brigitte, on her part, though she did not complain,\\nbore on her countenance marks of a profound change.\\nWhen I began to maltreat her, she left without saying a\\nword and shut herself up. Thank God, I never laid\\nviolent hands on her: in my worst fits of violence, I\\nwould have died rather than touch her.\\nOne evening, the rain was beating against the window\\npanes; we were alone, the curtains drawn. I feel in a\\npleasant mood,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to Brigitte, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand yet this horri-\\nble weather makes me sad in spite of myself. We must\\nnot let ourselves become so, and, if you are of my\\nopinion, we will amuse ourselves despite the storm.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI arose and lit all the candles that were to be found in\\nthe candlesticks. The room, rather small, was suddenly\\nlit up by them as if with a festal light. At the same\\ntime a raging fire the winter had come shed a stifling\\nwarmth there. Come,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat are we going to\\ndo while waiting for supper-time to arrive?\\nI bethought me that in Paris it was then carnival\\ntime. It seemed to me that I saw passing before me the", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0341.jp2"}, "326": {"fulltext": "268\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nmaskers\u00e2\u0080\u0099 carriages that were crossing one another on the\\nboulevards. I heard the joyous crowd exchange a thou-\\nsand astounding remarks on entering the theatres I saw\\nthe lascivious dances, the variegated costumes, the wine\\nand the foolery; all that was youthful in me made my\\nheart bound.\\nLet us disguise ourselves,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to Brigitte. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt\\nwill be for us alone; what matters it? If we have no\\ncostumes, we have the wherewith to make them, and\\nthereby we will pass the time more pleasantly.\u00e2\u0080\u0099\u00e2\u0080\u0099\\nFrom a wardrobe we took dresses, shawls, cloaks,\\ncapes, artificial flowers; Brigitte, as ever, displayed a\\npatient gayety. We both of us travestied each other;\\nshe wanted to dress my hair herself; we had put on rouge\\nand we had powdered ourselves all that we needed for\\nthat had been found in an old casket which, I believe,\\ncame from the aunt. At last, after an hour\u00e2\u0080\u0099s time, we\\nno longer recognized each other. The evening was spent\\nin singing, in imagining a thousand silly things; towards\\none o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock in the morning, it was time for supper.\\nWe had explored all the wardrobes; there was one\\nnear me that had remained open. On sitting down to\\ntake my place at table, I noticed on a shelf in it the\\nbook of which I have already spoken, in which Brigitte\\noften wrote.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cIs it not the collection of your thoughts?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I asked\\nas I extended my hand and took it. If it is not an\\nindiscretion, allow me to cast my eyes over it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0342.jp2"}, "327": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n269\\nI opened the book, though Brigitte made a motion to\\nprevent me from doing so on the first page I fell on\\nthese words This is my testament\\nEverything was written in a steady hand; I found\\nthere first a faithful narrative, without bitterness and\\nwithout anger, of all that Brigitte had suffered through\\nme since she had been my mistress. She declared her\\nfirm determination to bear everything as long as I loved\\nher and to die when I left her. Her arrangements were\\nmade she took account, day by day, of the sacrifice of\\nher life. What she had lost, what she had hoped for,\\nthe frightful isolation in which she found herself even in\\nmy arms, the ever-growing barrier that was interposed\\nbetween us, the cruelties with which I rewarded her love\\nand her resignation all that was related without com-\\nplaint on the contrary, she took it as a task to justify me.\\nFinally, she reached the details of her personal affairs\\nand regulated what regarded her heirs. It was by poison,\\nshe said, that she would put an end to her life. She\\nwould die of her own will, and expressly forbade that her\\nmemory should ever serve as a pretext for any proceeding\\nagainst me. Pray for him such were her last words.\\nI found in the wardrobe, on the same shelf, a small\\nbox that I had already seen, full of a fine bluish powder,\\nlike salt.\\nWhat is that? I asked Brigitte as I raised the box\\nto my lips. She gave a terrible scream and threw her-\\nself on me.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0343.jp2"}, "328": {"fulltext": "270\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nBrigitte,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, bid me adieu. I take this\\nbox away you will forget me and you will live, if you\\nwant to spare me a murder. I will leave this very night,\\nand do not ask any pardon of you; you will grant\\nme that, although God should not. Give me a last\\nkiss.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI leaned toward her and kissed her brow. Not\\nyet!\u00e2\u0080\u009d she exclaimed in anguish. But I pushed her\\nback on the sofa and rushed out of the room.\\nThree hours later I was ready to leave, and the post-\\nhorses had arrived. Rain was still falling, and I groped\\nmy way into the carriage. At the same moment the\\npostilion started I felt two arms that were clasping my\\nbody and heard but a sob that died on my lips.\\nIt was Brigitte. I did everything I could to prevail\\nupon her to remain I called out to stop I told her all\\nthat I could imagine to persuade her to get out I went\\neven so far as to promise that I would one day return to\\nher, when time and travel should have effaced the\\nmemory of the evil that I had done to her. I tried to\\nprove to her that what had been yesterday would be\\nagain to-morrow I repeated to her that I could only\\nmake her unhappy, that for her to cling to me was to\\nmake me an assassin. I used entreaty, oaths, even\\nmenace; she had only one answer for me: \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou are\\ngoing, take me let us leave the country, let us leave\\nthe past. We can no longer live here, let us go else-\\nwhere, whither you will let us go and die in a corner", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0344.jp2"}, "329": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n271\\nof the earth. We must be happy, I through you, you\\nthrough me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI embraced her with such transport that I believed I\\nfelt my heart breaking. Start, then I called to the\\npostilion. We threw ourselves into each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s arms,\\nand the horses went off at a gallop.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0345.jp2"}, "330": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0346.jp2"}, "331": {"fulltext": "PART FIFTH", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0347.jp2"}, "332": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0348.jp2"}, "333": {"fulltext": "PART FIFTH\\nI\\nHaving settled on a long journey, we had come to\\nParis the necessary preparations and the business to be\\nattended to required some time, and it was necessary to\\ntake apartments in a furnished house for a month.\\nThe resolve to leave France had changed the face of\\neverything: joy, hope, confidence, all had returned at\\nthe same time no more sorrow, no more quarrels in\\npresence of the thought of early departure. We were\\noccupied only with dreams of happiness, oaths of eternal\\nlove I wanted, in fact, to make my dear mistress for-\\never forget all the evils that she had suffered. How\\ncould I resist so many proofs of an affection so tender\\nand a resignation so courageous? Not only did Brigitte\\n275", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0349.jp2"}, "334": {"fulltext": "276\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nforgive me, but she got ready to make me the greatest\\nsacrifice and to leave all to follow me. The more I felt\\nmyself unworthy of the devotion that she showed to me,\\nthe more I wanted my love in the future to reward her\\nat last my good angel had triumphed, and admiration\\nand love gained the upper hand in my heart.\\nLeaning near me, Brigitte was looking on the map\\nfor the place whither we were going to bury ourselves\\nwe had not yet decided on it, and we found in this\\nuncertainty a pleasure so keen and so new that we\\nfeigned, so to say, not to be able to fix on anything.\\nDuring these searches our brows were touching each\\nother, my arm was around Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s waist. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhither\\nshall we go? what shall we do? where will the new life\\nbegin?\u00e2\u0080\u009d How shall I tell what I felt when, amid so\\nmany hopes, I occasionally raised my head for a mo-\\nment What repentance penetrated me at the sight of\\nthat beautiful and tranquil countenance which was smil-\\ning at the future, still pale from the sorrows of the past\\nWhen I was holding her thus and her finger was wander-\\ning over the map, while she was speaking in a low voice\\nof her affairs which she was arranging, of her desires, of\\nour future retreat, I would have given my blood for\\nher. Happiness anticipated, you are, perhaps, the only\\nveritable happiness here below\\nAfter about a week, during which our time was spent\\nin running around and making small purchases, a young\\nman presented himself at our house he brought letters", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0350.jp2"}, "335": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n277\\nto Brigitte. After the conversation that he had with\\nher I found her sad and downcast but I was unable\\nto learn anything else of it, except that the letters were\\nfrom N that same town where, for the first time, I\\nhad spoken of my love, and where dwelt the only rela-\\ntives whom Brigitte still had.\\nOur preparations, however, were being made rapidly,\\nand there was room in my heart only for the impatience\\nof starting at the same time, the joy that I felt left me\\nscarcely a moment\u00e2\u0080\u0099s rest. When I arose in the morning,\\nand when the sun was shining through our windows, I\\nfelt such transports in me that I was as if intoxicated\\nwith them I then entered on tiptoe the room in which\\nBrigitte was sleeping. More than once, on awaking,\\nshe found me on my ktiees at the foot of her bed, look-\\ning at her sleeping and not able to restrain my tears I\\nknew not by what means to convince her of the sincerity\\nof my repentance. If my love for my first mistress had\\nmade me commit follies of old, I now committed a\\nhundred times more of them everything strange and\\nviolent, which passion carried to excess can inspire, I\\nsought most eagerly. It was a worship that I had for\\nBrigitte, and, though her lover for over six months, it\\nseemed to me, when I approached her, that I saw her\\nfor the first time I scarcely dared kiss the hem of the\\ndress of that woman whom I had so long maltreated.\\nHer slightest words made me bound, as if her voice had\\nbeen new to me sometimes I threw myself into her", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0351.jp2"}, "336": {"fulltext": "27S\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\narms sobbing and sometimes I burst out laughing with-\\nout reason I spoke of my past conduct only with horror\\nand disgust, and I could have wished that there existed\\nsomewhere a temple dedicated to love, there to purify\\nmyself in a baptism and to cover myself with a dis-\\ntinguishing vestment that nothing could, henceforward,\\nsnatch from me.\\nI have seen Titian\u00e2\u0080\u0099s St. Thomas, laying his finger on\\nChrist\u00e2\u0080\u0099s wound, andT have often thought of him if I\\ndared compare love to a man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s faith in his God, I might\\nsay that I resembled him. What name is borne by the\\nfeeling expressed by that restless head, almost doubting\\nstill and already adoring? He touches the wound;\\nastonished blasphemy stops on his open lips, on which\\nprayer sweetly takes its place. Is he an apostle is he\\nan impious man? does he repent as much as he has\\noffended Neither he, nor the painter, nor you who are\\nlooking at him, know anything about it; the Saviour\\nsmiles, and everything is absorbed as a drop of dew, in\\na ray of the immense goodness.\\nIt was thus that, in Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s presence, I was mute\\nand, as it were, incessantly surprised; I trembled lest\\nshe preserved only fears and lest so many changes which\\nshe had seen in me would make her distrustful. But,\\nafter a fortnight, she had read clearly in my heart she\\nunderstood that on seeing her sincere, I had become so\\nin my turn, and, as my love came from her courage, she\\ndid not doubt the one any more than the other.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0352.jp2"}, "337": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n2 79\\nOur room was full of clothing in disorder, of albums,\\nof crayons, of books, of packages, and over all that,\\never spread out, the dear map that we loved so much.\\nWe were moving here and there I stopped every\\nmoment to cast myself at Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s knees, she treated\\nme as a sluggard, saying laughingly that it was necessary\\nfor her to do everything and that I was good for nothing\\nand, while getting the trunks ready, plans proceeded as\\nmay be supposed. It was a far journey to reach Sicily\\nbut the winter is so pleasant there it is the finest of\\nclimates. Genoa is very beautiful with its painted\\nhouses, its green espalier gardens, and the Apennines\\nbehind it But how much noise What a multitude\\nOf every three men who pass in the streets, one is a monk\\nand another a soldier. Florence is sad it is the Middle\\nAges, still living in the midst of us. How bear those\\ngrated windows and that frightful brown color with\\nwhich the houses are all daubed? What could we do\\nin Rome? we do not travel to dazzle ourselves, and\\nstill less to learn nothing. If we went to the banks of\\nthe Rhine? but the season will be over there, and,\\nthough one is not in search of people, it is always sad to\\ngo where it happens that the place is deserted. But\\nSpain too many impediments would delay us there\\nit is necessary to move there as in war and to wait for\\neverything, except rest. Let us go to Switzerland if\\nso many people travel there, let us leave the fools to\\nmake light of it; it is there, that bloom in all their", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0353.jp2"}, "338": {"fulltext": "280\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nsplendor, the three colors dearest to God the azure of\\nthe heavens, the verdure of the plains, and the whiteness\\nof the snows on the summit of the glaciers. \u00e2\u0080\u009cLet us\\nleave, let us leave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Brigitte, \u00e2\u0080\u009clet us fly like two\\nbirds. Let us picture to ourselves, my dear Octave,\\nthat it is since yesterday we have known each other.\\nYou met me at the ball, I pleased you, and I love you\\nyou tell me that a few leagues from here, I know not\\nin what little town, you loved a Madame Pierson what\\nhas passed between you and her, I do not desire even\\nto believe. Are you not going to confide to me your\\nintrigues with a woman whom you have left for me I\\nwill whisper to you, in my turn, that it is not yet very\\nlong since I loved a bad character who made me rather\\nunhappy you pity me, you impose silence on me, and\\nit is agreed between us that it will never be discussed.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhen Brigitte was speaking thus, what I felt re-\\nsembled avarice I clasped her with trembling arms.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cO God! I exclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009cI know not whether it is\\njoy or fear that makes me shudder. I am going to\\ncarry you off, my treasure. Before that immense\\nhorizon, you are mine we are going to leave. Perish\\nmy youth, perish memories, perish all care and regret\\nO my good and noble mistress you have made a man\\nof a child if I lost you now, never could I love. Per-\\nhaps, before knowing you, another woman might have\\nbeen able to cure me but now, you are the only one in\\nthe world who can kill me or save me, for I bear in my", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0354.jp2"}, "339": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n281\\nheart the wound of all the evil that I have done to you.\\nI have been ungrateful, blind, and cruel. God be\\nblessed you love me still. If ever you return to the\\nvillage in which I saw you under the lindens, look at\\nthat deserted house; there must be a ghost there, for\\nthe man who leaves it with you is not he who entered\\nthere.\\nIs it indeed true said Brigitte and her fine brow,\\nall radiant with love, was then raised towards heaven\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cis it indeed true that I am yours? Yes, far from that\\nodious world that has aged you before your time, yes,\\nchild, you are going to love. I will have you such as\\nyou are, and, whatever be the corner of the earth to\\nwhich we go to find life, you will there forget me,\\nwithout remorse, the day on which you will cease to\\nlove. My mission will be fulfilled, and there will still\\nremain a God on high to thank for it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWith what a poignant and frightful memory those\\nwords still fill me! At last, it was decided that we\\nwould go first to Geneva, and that we would choose at\\nthe foot of the Alps a quiet place for the spring. Brigitte\\nwas already speaking of the beautiful lake already was\\nI breathing in my heart the breath of the wind that agi-\\ntates it and the enlivening odor of the green valley;\\nalready Lausanne, Vevey, the Oberland, and beyond\\nthe summits of Mount Rosa, the immense plain of\\nLombardy, forgetfulness, rest, flight, all the spirits of\\nthe happy solitudes were bidding us and inviting us", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0355.jp2"}, "340": {"fulltext": "282\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nalready, when, in the evening, with joined hands, we\\nlooked at each other in silence, we felt arising in us that\\nfeeling, full of a strange grandeur, which takes posses-\\nsion of the heart on the eve of long journeys, a secret\\nand inexplicable vertigo which at the same time partakes\\nof the terrors of exile and of the hopes of pilgrimage.\\nO God it is Thy voice itself which then calls and\\nwhich warns man that he must go to Thee. Are there\\nnot in human thought, wings that shudder and sonorous\\nchords that stretch What shall I say to you is there\\nnot a world in these mere words Everything was\\nready, we were going to start?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAll of a sudden Brigitte becomes languid she droops\\nher head, she keeps silent. When I ask her if she is\\nsuffering, she tells me no, in a faint voice; when I\\nspeak to her of the day of departure, she arises, cold\\nand resigned, and continues her preparations; when I\\nswear to her that she is going to be happy, and that I\\npurpose to devote my life to her, she shuts herself up to\\nweep when I embrace her, she becomes pale and turns\\naway her eyes while extending her lips to me when I\\ntell her that nothing is yet done, that she can give up\\nour plans, she knits her brow with a severe and wild air\\nwhen I entreat her to open her heart to me, when I repeat\\nto her that, were I to die of it, I will sacrifice my happiness,\\nif ever it is going to cost her a regret, she throws herself\\non my neck, then stops and pushes me away as if invol-\\nuntarily. At last, I one day enter her room, holding", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0356.jp2"}, "341": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n283\\nin my hand a ticket on which our seats are marked for\\nthe Besangon coach. I approach her, I lay it down on\\nher knees, she extends her arms, utters a cry, and falls\\nunconscious at my feet.\\nII\\nAll my efforts to discover the cause of a change so\\nunexpected had remained without result, like the ques-\\ntions that I had been able to put. Brigitte was ill, and\\nobstinately kept silent. After a whole day, spent some-\\ntimes in entreating her to explain herself, sometimes in\\nexhausting myself in conjectures, I had gone out without\\nknowing whither I was going. On passing near the\\nOpera, an agent offered me a ticket, and mechanically\\nI entered, as was my custom.\\nI could not pay attention to what was going on,\\neither on the stage or in the audience I was so crushed\\nwith grief and, at the same time so stupefied that, so to\\nsay, I lived only within myself, and external objects no\\nlonger seemed to strike my senses. All my concen-\\ntrated strength, was directed on one thought, and the\\nmore I turned it over in my head, the less clearly could\\nI see into it. What frightful obstacle, suddenly inter-\\nposed, was thus, on the eve of departure, upsetting so\\nmany plans and hopes? If an ordinary event or even a", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0357.jp2"}, "342": {"fulltext": "THE CONFESSION OF A\\nveritable calamity, as of a change of fortune or of the\\nloss of some friend were involved, why that obstinate\\nsilence? After all that Brigitte had done, at a moment\\nwhen our most cherished dreams seemed near being real-\\nized, of what nature could a secret be that was destroy-\\ning our happiness and that she refused to confide to me?\\nWhat! it is from me that she is concealing herself! If\\nher sorrows, her business, even fear of the future, or\\nany cause of sadness, of uncertainty or of wrath, keep\\nher here for some time or make her give up forever\\nthat journey so desired, why should she not be open\\nwith me In the condition in which my heart was, I\\ncould not, however, suppose that there was anything to\\nblame in that. The mere appearance of a suspicion\\nwas revolting and horrified me. Why, on the other\\nhand, believe in inconstancy or in caprice merely in\\nthat woman such as I knew her? I was lost in an\\nabyss, and did not even see the faintest glimmer, the\\nslightest point that could fix my position.\\nThere was in front of me, in the gallery, a young\\nman whose features were not unknown to me. As often\\nhappens when one has his mind preoccupied, I was\\nlooking at him without taking account of it and I\\nwas trying to connect his name with his countenance.\\nAll of a sudden I recognized him it was he who, as I\\nhave said above, had brought letters from N to\\nBrigitte. I arose in a hurry to go and speak to him,\\nwithout thinking of what I was doing. He occupied a", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0358.jp2"}, "343": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n285\\nseat which I could not reach without disturbing a large\\nnumber of spectators, and I was compelled to wait for\\nan intermission.\\nMy first impulse had been to think that, if any one\\ncould enlighten me on the only care that disturbed me,\\nit was this young man rather than any one else. He\\nhad had several conversations with Madame Pierson\\nduring the past few days, and I remembered that, when\\nhe had left her, I had found her constantly sad, not only\\non the first day, but every time that he had come. He\\nhad seen her the previous day, the very morning of the\\nday on which she had become ill. The letters that he\\nbrought, Brigitte had not shown to me it was possible\\nthat he knew the real reason that delayed our depart-\\nure. Perhaps he was not entirely in the secret, but\\nhe could not fail to tell me at least what were the\\ncontents of those letters, and I must have supposed\\nthat he was sufficiently acquainted with our affairs for\\nme not to be afraid to interrogate him. I was delighted\\nat having found him, and, as soon as the curtain was\\nlowered, I ran to join him in the lobby. I do not\\nknow whether he saw me coming, but he moved away\\nand entered a box. I resolved to wait until he came out\\nand remained a quarter of an hour walking, ever look-\\ning at the box door. It opened at last, he came out I\\nsaluted him at once from afar as I advanced to meet him.\\nHe took a few steps with an irresolute air; then, turning\\nsuddenly, he went down the stairway, and disappeared.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0359.jp2"}, "344": {"fulltext": "286\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nMy intention of approaching him had been too evi-\\ndent for him to be able to escape me thus without a\\nformal design of avoiding me. He must have recog-\\nnized my countenance, and moreover, even though he\\ndid not, a man who sees another coming to him ought at\\nleast to wait for him. We were alone in the lobby when\\nI advanced towards him, so it was beyond doubt that\\nhe did not want to speak to me. I did not dream of\\nseeing an impertinence in that a man who came every\\nday into a tenement in which I dwelt, to whom I had\\nalways given a good reception when I had met him,\\nwhose manners were simple and modest, how could I\\nthink that he wanted to insult me? He had wished\\nonly to shun me and to dispense with a disagreeable\\nconversation. Why again This second mystery dis-\\nturbed me almost as much as the first. Whatever I did\\nto remove this idea, that young man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s disappearance\\nwas invincibly connected in my head with Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nobstinate silence.\\nUncertainty is of all torments the most difficult to\\nbear, and on several occasions in my life I have exposed\\nmyself to great misfortunes for want of being able to\\nwait patiently. When I returned home I found Brigitte\\nreading just those fatal letters from N I told her\\nthat it was impossible for me to remain longer in the\\ncondition of mind in which I then was, and that, at\\nany cost, I wanted to leave that I wished to know,\\nwhatever it might be, the reason for the sudden change", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0360.jp2"}, "345": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n287\\nthat had taken place in her, and that, if she declined to\\nanswer, I would regard her silence as a positive refusal\\nto start with me, and even as an order to go away from\\nher forever.\\nShe showed me reluctantly one of the letters that she\\nwas holding. Her relatives wrote to her that her de-\\nparture dishonored her forever, that no one was igno-\\nrant of its cause, and that they believed themselves\\nobliged to declare to her in advance what would be\\nits results that she was living publicly as my mistress,\\nand that, though she was free and a widow, she had\\nyet to answer for the name that she bore that neither\\nthey nor any of her former friends would see her again\\nif she persisted; in fine, by all sorts of threats and\\nadvice, they entreated her to return to the country.\\nThe tone of that letter made me indignant, and I\\nsaw in it at first only an insult. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd that young\\nman who brings you these remonstrances,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cno doubt is charged to make them to you verbally,\\nand he does not fail to do so, is not that true\\nBrigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s deep sorrow made me reflect and calmed\\nmy wrath. \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou will,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said to me, \u00e2\u0080\u009cdo by me\\nwhat you desire, and will complete my ruin. And\\nso indeed my fate is in your hands, and it is a long\\ntime since you have been its master. Take such re-\\nvenge as you please on the last effort that my old friends\\nare making to recall me to reason, to the world, which\\nI formerly respected, and to honor, which I have lost.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0361.jp2"}, "346": {"fulltext": "288\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI have not a word to say, and, if you wish to dictate\\nmy answer, I will make it such as you desire.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI desire nothing,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cbut to know your\\nintentions; it is for me, on the contrary, to conform\\nto them, and, I swear to you, I am ready to do so.\\nTell me whether you remain, whether you depart, or\\nif it be necessary that I depart alone.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy this question?\u00e2\u0080\u009d Brigitte asked; \u00e2\u0080\u009chave I told\\nyou that I had changed my mind Iam suffering and\\ncannot leave thus but as soon as I shall be well or only\\nin a condition to get up, we will go to Geneva, as has\\nbeen agreed upon.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWe separated at these words, and the mortal coldness\\nin which she had spoken them saddened me more than\\na refusal would have done. It was not the first time\\nthat, by advice of this sort, they had tried to break off\\nour companionship but until now, whatever impres-\\nsion such letters had made on Brigitte, she had soon\\ngot rid of it. Why believe that this single motive had\\nsuch influence on her to-day, when it had been of no\\navail in less happy times? I questioned whether, in\\nmy actions since we had been in Paris, I had done\\nanything with which to reproach myself. \u00e2\u0080\u009cCan it be\\nmerely,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthe weakness of a woman\\nwho has wanted to take an obstinate course and who, at\\nthe moment of carrying it out, recoils before her own\\nwill Can it be what libertines would call a last scruple\\nBut that gayety which a week ago Brigitte showed from", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0362.jp2"}, "347": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n289\\nmorning until evening, those plans so sweet, abandoned,\\nresumed incessantly those promises, those protesta-\\ntions, all that, however, was frank, real, without any\\nconstraint. It was in spite of me that she wanted to\\nstart. No, there is some mystery in that; and how\\nknow it, if now, when I question her, she pays me\\nwith a reason that cannot be the true one I cannot\\ntell her that she is lying or compel her to give any\\nother reply. She tells me that she is ever anxious to\\nstart but, if she says so in that tone, should I not\\nabsolutely refuse Can I accept such a sacrifice, when\\nit is accomplished as a task, as a condemnation when\\nwhat I believed to have been offered to me by love, I\\ncome, so to say, to demand it by pledged word? O\\nGod is it then this pale and languishing creature that I\\nwould carry off in my arms? Would I take away so far\\nfrom the fatherland, for so long a time, for life perhaps,\\nonly a resigned victim? I will do, she says, what is\\npleasing to you No, certainly, it will not please me\\nto ask anything of patience, and, rather than see that\\ncountenance suffering for only another week, if she keeps\\nsilent, I will set out alone.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nMadman that I was had I the strength for it I had\\nbeen too happy for a fortnight past to dare truly to look\\nbackwards, and, far from feeling that I had such courage,\\nI dreamt only of the means of taking Brigitte away. I\\nspent the night without closing an eye, and next day, in\\nthe early morning, I resolved, at all hazards, to go to", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0363.jp2"}, "348": {"fulltext": "290\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthe young man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s house whom I had seen at the Opera.\\nI do not know whether it was wrath or curiosity that\\ndrove me thither, or what in reality I wanted of him\\nbut I thought that in this way he could not at least\\navoid me, and that was all that I desired.\\nAs I did not know his address, I went to Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nroom to ask for it, pleading compliment that I owed\\nhim after all the visits that he had paid us for I had\\nnot said a word of my meeting at the theatre. Brigitte\\nwas in bed, and her wearied eyes showed that she had\\nbeen weeping. When I entered, she reached out her\\nhand and said to me: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat do you want of me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nHer voice was sad, but tender. We exchanged a\\nfew amicable words, and I left with my heart less\\ndesolate.\\nThe young man whom I was going to see was named\\nSmith he lived a short distance away. On knocking at\\nhis door, an indescribable restlessness took hold of me\\nI advanced slowly and as if suddenly struck by an\\nunlooked-for light. At his first gesture, my blood froze.\\nHe was lying down, and, with the same tone as Brigitte\\nhad a little while ago, with a countenance as pale and as\\nworn, he reached out his hand and said the same words:\\nWhat do you want of me\\nOne may think of it what one will there are chances\\nin life that man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s reason cannot explain. I sat down\\nwithout being able to reply, and, as if I had awakened\\nfrom a dream, I repeated to myself the question that he", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0364.jp2"}, "349": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 291\\naddressed to me. What indeed had I come to do at his\\nhouse how tell him what brought me Supposing that\\nit could be useful to me to interrogate him, how was I\\nto know whether he would speak? He had brought\\nletters whose writers he knew, but did not I know of\\nthem to the same extent as he did, after what Brigitte\\nhad just shown me It cost me the putting of questions\\nto him, and I was afraid lest he would suspect what was\\npassing through my heart. The first words that we\\nexchanged were polite and insignificant. I thanked him\\nfor having taken charge of the messages for Madame\\nPierson\u00e2\u0080\u0099s family; told him that on leaving France we\\nwould entreat him in our turn to do us some services\\nafter which we remained in silence, astonished at finding\\nourselves face to face with each other.\\nI looked around me, like people embarrassed. The\\nroom occupied by that young man was on the fifth\\nfloor everything there betokened an honest and labori-\\nous poverty. A few books, musical instruments, white\\nwooden frames, papers in order on a cloth-covered\\ntable, an old arm-chair and some other chairs, that was\\nall but everything betokened an air of cleanliness and\\nof care that made of it an agreeable collection. As for\\nhimself, an open and animated countenance made a first\\nimpression in his favor. I noticed on the mantel-piece\\nthe portrait of an aged woman I approached it in an\\nentirely dreamy way, and he told me that it was his\\nmother.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0365.jp2"}, "350": {"fulltext": "292\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI then remembered that Brigitte had often spoken to\\nme of him, and a thousand details that I had forgotten,\\nreturned to my memory. Brigitte had known him since\\nhis childhood. Before I came to the country she saw\\nhim sometimes at N but, since my arrival, she had\\ngone there only once, and he was not there at that\\nmoment. It was only, then, by chance that I had\\nlearned some particulars concerning him, which, how-\\never, had struck me. He had as his only means a\\nmodest situation that enabled him to support a mother\\nand a sister. His conduct towards these two women\\nmerited the highest praise; he deprived himself of\\neverything for them, and though, as a musician, he\\npossessed valuable talents which might lead to fortune,\\nextreme probity and reserve had always made him prefer\\nrest to the chances of success that had been presented to\\nhim. In a word, he was of that small number of beings\\nwho live without bustle and do others the favor of not\\nnoticing what they are worth.\\nI had been told of certain traits of his that suffice to\\npaint a man he had been very much in love with a\\nbeautiful girl of his neighborhood, and after more than\\na year\u00e2\u0080\u0099s attention, consent was granted to give her to\\nhim as his wife. She was as poor as he was. The con-\\ntract was going to be signed and everything was ready\\nfor the nuptials, when his mother said to him: 4 \u00e2\u0080\u0098And\\nyour sister, who will marry her These few words\\ngave him to understand that, if he took a wife, he would", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0366.jp2"}, "351": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n293\\nspend for his housekeeping all that he would earn by his\\nwork, and that consequently his sister would have no\\ndowry. He at once broke off all that had been begun\\nand courageously gave up his marriage and his love it\\nwas then that he came to Paris and obtained the situa-\\ntion that he had.\\nI had never heard this story, of which people spoke\\nin the country, without desiring to know its hero. That\\ntranquil and obscure devotedness had seemed to me\\nmore admirable than all the glories of battlefields. On\\nseeing his mother\u00e2\u0080\u0099s portrait I remembered it at once,\\nand, turning my gaze on him, I was astonished at finding\\nhim so young. I could not help asking him his age it\\nwas mine. Eight o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock struck, and he arose.\\nAt the first steps that he took I saw him falter he\\nshook his head. What ails you? I said to him. He\\nanswered that it was the hour for going to the office, and\\nthat he did not feel strong enough to walk.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAre you ill?\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI have fever, and I am suffering cruelly.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou felt better yesterday evening; I saw you, I\\nthink, at the Opera.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cExcuse me for not having recognized you. I have\\na pass to that theatre, and I hope to find you there\\nagain. 9\\nThe more I examined that young man, that room, that\\nhouse, the less I felt strength enough to approach the\\nreal object of my visit. The idea that I had had the", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0367.jp2"}, "352": {"fulltext": "294\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nevening before, that he had been able to injure me in\\nBrigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s mind, vanished in spite of me; I found in\\nhim an air of frankness and, at the same time, of sever-\\nity that stopped me and imposed on me. Gradually\\nmy thoughts took another direction I looked at him\\nattentively, and it seemed to me that on his part he was\\nalso observing me with curiosity.\\nWe were both of us twenty-one, and what a difference\\nbetween us He, habituated to an existence, the move-\\nments of which were determined by the regulated sound\\nof a clock; having never seen of life but the way from\\nan isolated room to an office buried in a ministry; send-\\ning to a mother the very savings, that mite of human\\njoy which is clasped with so much avarice by every hand\\nthat works complaining of a night of suffering because\\nit deprived him of a day of fatigue; having but one\\nthought, but one good, to watch over the well-being of\\nanother, and that from his childhood, since he had arms\\nand I, with that valuable time, rapid, inexorable, with\\nthat time that absorbs the fruits of sweating labor, what\\nhad I done was I a man Which of us had lived\\nWhat I say there on one page, a look is necessary for\\nus to feel. Our eyes had just met and did not leave\\neach other. He spoke to me of my journey and of the\\ncountry that we were going to visit.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhen do you set out? he asked me.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI do not know; Madame Pierson is suffering and\\nhas kept to her bed for three days.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0368.jp2"}, "353": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n295\\nFor three days he repeated with an involuntary\\nimpulse.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes, what is there in it that astonishes you?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nHe arose and threw himself on me, his arms extended\\nand his eyes fixed. A terrible shudder made him start.\\nAre you suffering? I said to him as I took hold of\\nhis hand. But at the same instant he raised it to his\\nface, and, not being able to suppress his tears, he\\ndragged himself slowly to his bed.\\nI looked at him with surprise the violent attack of\\nhis fever had broken him down all of a sudden. I\\nhesitated to leave him in that state, and I approached\\nhim anew. He thrust me back forcibly and as if\\nwith a strange terror. When he at last returned to\\nhimself\\nExcuse me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said in a weak voice; \u00e2\u0080\u009cI am not\\nin a condition to receive you. Be so good as to leave\\nme as soon as my strength will allow me, I will go and\\nthank you for your visit.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nin\\nBrigitte was feeling better. As she had told me, she\\nhad wanted to leave as soon as she was well. But I was\\nopposed to it, and we had to wait for a fortnight yet\\nuntil she was in a condition to bear the journey.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0369.jp2"}, "354": {"fulltext": "296\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nEver sad and silent, yet she was gentle. Whatever I\\ndid to get her to speak to me open-heartedly, the letter\\nthat she had shown to me was, she said, the only reason\\nfor her melancholy, and she entreated me that there be\\nno further reference to it. Thus, reduced myself to keep\\nsilent like her, I vainly sought to see what was passing\\nin her heart. Familiar talk was weighing on both of\\nus, and we went to the theatre every evening. There,\\nseated beside each other, in the end of a box, we some-\\ntimes pressed each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hands from time to time a\\nfine piece of music, a word that struck us, made us ex-\\nchange friendly looks; but, on going, as well as on\\nreturning, we remained mute, plunged in our thoughts.\\nTwenty times a day I felt myself ready to throw myself\\nat her feet and to ask her, as a favor, to give me the\\ndeath-blow or to give me the happiness that I had\\nglimpses of; twenty times, on the point of doing so,\\nI saw her features change she arose and left me, or,\\nby an icy word, stopped my heart on my lips.\\nSmith came almost every day. Though his presence\\nin the house had been the cause of all the evil, and\\nthough the visit that I had paid him had left singular\\nsuspicions in my mind, the manner in which he spoke of\\nour journey, his good faith and his simplicity, reassured\\nme about him. I had spoken to him of the letters that\\nhe had brought, and he had appeared to me not so much\\noffended thereat, but more sad than I. He was ignorant\\nof their contents, and the friendship of long standing", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0370.jp2"}, "355": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 297\\nthat he had for Brigitte made him blame them loudly.\\nHe would not have taken charge of them, he said, if he\\nhad known what they contained. By the reserved tone\\nthat Madame Pierson kept towards him, I could not\\nbelieve that he was in her confidence. I saw him, then,\\nwith pleasure, though there was always between us a sort\\nof stiffness and ceremony. He had undertaken to be,\\nafter our departure, the intermediary between Brigitte\\nand her family and to prevent an open rupture. The\\nesteem that people had for him in the country was not\\nto be of small importance in this negotiation, and I\\ncould not help feeling kindly towards him for it. He\\nwas the noblest of characters. When we were all three\\ntogether, if he noticed any coldness or any constraint,\\nI saw him make every effort to bring back gayety be-\\ntween us if he seemed restless at what was going on,\\nit was always without indiscretion and so as to give us to\\nunderstand that he wished to see us happy if he spoke\\nof our connection, it was, so to say, with respect and\\nas a man to whom love was a bond, sacred in God\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\npresence; in short, he was a sort of friend, and he\\ninspired me with full confidence.\\nBut, notwithstanding all that and in spite of his own\\nefforts, he was sad, and I could not overcome strange\\nthoughts that took hold of me. The tears that I had\\nseen that young man shed, his malady coming precisely\\nat the same time as that of my mistress, and the thought\\nthat I discovered an indescribable, melancholy sympathy", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0371.jp2"}, "356": {"fulltext": "298\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nbetween them, troubled and disturbed me. It was not\\na month since, on slighter suspicions, I would have\\nhad paroxysms of jealousy but now, of what suspect\\nBrigitte? Whatever might be the secret that she was\\nconcealing from me, was she not going to leave with\\nme? Even, indeed, had it been possible that Smith\\nwas in the confidence of some mystery of which I was\\nignorant, of what nature could that mystery be What\\ncould there have been that was blamable in their sad-\\nness and in their friendship? She had known him as\\na child; she saw him again after long years, just as she\\nwas leaving France she found herself in an unfortunate\\nposition, and chance willed that he should be informed\\nof it, that he should have served even in some manner\\nas an instrument for her evil destiny. Was it not quite\\nnatural that they would exchange some sad looks, that\\nthe sight of that young man would recall the past to\\nBrigitte, some memories and some regrets Could he,\\nin his turn, see her leave without fear, without thinking,\\nin spite of himself, of the chances of a long journey,\\nof the risks of a henceforward erring life, almost pro-\\nscribed and abandoned No doubt that was to be, and\\nI felt, when I thought of it, that it was for me to arise,\\nto put myself between them both, to reassure them, to\\nmake them believe in me, to say to the one that my arm\\nwould support her as long as she wished to be supported\\non it, to the other that I was grateful to him for the\\naffection that he had shown us and for the services that", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0372.jp2"}, "357": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n299\\nhe was going to render us. I felt it and could not\\ndo it. A mortal cold pressed upon my heart, and I\\nremained in my arm-chair.\\nWhen Smith had left in the evening, either we were\\nsilent, or we spoke of him. I do not know what odd\\nattraction made me ask Brigitte every day for fresh\\ndetails on his account. She had, however, to tell me\\nabout him only what I have said to the reader his life\\nhad never been anything else but what it was, poor,\\nobscure, and honest. To relate it entirely, few words\\nsufficed but I had them repeated to me incessantly, and\\nwithout knowing why I took an interest in them.\\nOn reflecting on them, there was at the bottom of my\\nheart a secret suffering that I did not acknowledge. If\\nthat young man arrived at the moment of our joy, if he\\nbrought to Brigitte an unimportant letter, if he clasped\\nher hand as she was going into the carriage, would I\\nhave paid the slightest attention to it? If he had\\nrecognized me or not at the Opera, if tears, of whose\\ncause I was ignorant, escaped from him in my presence,\\nwhat mattered it to me, if I were happy? But, while\\nnot being able to see into the reason for Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s sad-\\nness, I saw clearly that my past conduct, whatever she\\ncould say of it, was not now foreign to her sorrows. If\\nI had been what I ought to have been for the past six\\nmonths that we had been living together, nothing in the\\nworld, I knew, would have been able to trouble our\\nlove. Smith was only an ordinary man, but he was", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0373.jp2"}, "358": {"fulltext": "3\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ngood and devoted, his simple and modest qualities\\nresembled large clear lines that the eye catches without\\ndifficulty and at first glance in a quarter of an hour one\\nknew him, and he inspired confidence, if not admira-\\ntion. I could not help saying to myself that, if he had\\nbeen Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s lover, she would have gone off gladly\\nwith him.\\nIt was of my own will that I had delayed our depart-\\nure, and already I repented of it. Brigitte also some-\\ntimes urged me: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat is stopping us?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said;\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009chere I am well, everything is ready.\u00e2\u0080\u009d What was\\nstopping me indeed I do not know.\\nSeated near the mantel-piece, I was fixing my eyes\\nalternately on Smith and on my mistress. I saw both of\\nthem pale, serious, mute. I knew not why they were so,\\nand in spite of myself I repeated that the cause was one\\nand the same and that one secret only need be learned.\\nBut it was not one of those vague and weakly suspicions\\nthat had tormented me of old, it was an invincible, a\\nfatal instinct. What strange creatures we are I was\\npleased to leave them alone and to abandon them at\\nthe fireside to go and dream on the quay, to lean on\\nthe parapet and to look at the water like an idler of the\\nstreets.\\nWhen they spoke of their sojourn at N and when\\nBrigitte, almost playful, assumed a slight motherly tone\\nto remind him of their days spent together, it seemed to\\nme that I was suffering, and yet I took pleasure in it. I", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0374.jp2"}, "359": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n301\\nput questions to them I spoke to Smith of his mother, of\\nhis occupations, of his plans. I gave him opportunity to\\nshow himself in a favorable light and I forced his modesty\\nto reveal his merit to us. \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou love your sister very\\nmuch, is it not true I asked him. When do you count\\non getting her married He told us, then, blushingly,\\nthat housekeeping cost a great deal, that the marriage\\nwould take place perhaps in two years, perhaps sooner,\\nif his health permitted him some extra work that would\\nbring him allowances that there was in the country a\\nfamily in sufficiently easy circumstances whose eldest son\\nwas his friend that they were almost of the same mind,\\nand that happiness might come one day, like rest, with-\\nout dreaming of it that he had given up to his sister\\nthe small share of the inheritance which their father\\nhad left to them that his mother was opposed to it, but\\nthat he would hold to it in spite of her that a young\\nman ought to live by his hands, whilst the existence of a\\ngirl was decided the day of her marriage. Thus gradu-\\nally he unfolded to us his whole life and his whole soul,\\nand I watched Brigitte listening to him. Then, when\\nhe arose to withdraw, I accompanied him as far as the\\ndoor, and I remained there pensive, motionless, until the\\nsound of his footsteps was lost on the stairway.\\nI then returned into my room, and I found Brigitte\\ngetting ready to undress. I greedily contemplated that\\ncharming body, those treasures of beauty, which so\\nmany times I had possessed. I looked at her combing", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0375.jp2"}, "360": {"fulltext": "3 02\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nher long hair, knotting her kerchief, and turning around\\nwhen her dress slipped to the floor, like a Diana who is\\nentering the bath. She got into bed, I rushed to mine\\nit could not have occurred to my mind that Brigitte was\\ndeceiving me or that Smith was in love with her I did\\nnot think either of watching them or of taking them by\\nsurprise. I did not take account of anything. I said\\nto myself: \u00e2\u0080\u009cShe is very pretty, and that poor Smith\\nis an honest youth; they have both of them a great\\nsorrow, and I also.\u00e2\u0080\u009d That was breaking my heart and\\nat the same time comforted me.\\nWe had found on reopening our trunks that some\\ntrifles were still missing from it; Smith had taken it\\nupon himself to provide them. He had an indefati-\\ngable activity, and he was gratified, he said, when one\\nentrusted to him the care of some errands. As I was\\nreturning home one day, I saw him on the floor fasten-\\ning a portmanteau. Brigitte was in front of a piano\\nthat we had rented by the week during our sojourn in\\nParis. She was playing one of those old airs into which\\nshe put so much expression and which had been so dear\\nto me. I stopped in the anteroom near the door, which\\nwas open each note entered into my soul never had\\nshe sung so sadly and so holily.\\nSmith was listening with delight he was on his knees,\\nholding the buckle of the portmanteau. He pressed it,\\nthen let it fall, and looked at the clothes that he himself\\nhad just folded and covered with a white linen. The air", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0376.jp2"}, "361": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n303\\nfinished, he remained thus Brigitte, her hands on the\\nkey-board, was looking afar off at the horizon. I saw\\nfor the second time tears fall from the young man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\neyes I was near shedding some myself, and, not know-\\ning what was going on within me, I entered and reached\\nout my hand to him.\\nWere you there Brigitte asked. She started and\\nseemed surprised.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes, I was there,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I replied to her. \u00e2\u0080\u009cSing, my\\ndear, I entreat you. Let me hear your voice once\\nmore\\nShe began again without answering to her also it was\\na reminder. She saw my emotion, and Smith\u00e2\u0080\u0099s also\\nher voice changed. The last sounds, scarcely articulated,\\nseemed to be lost in the heavens; she arose and gave\\nme a kiss. Smith was still holding my hand I felt him\\npressing it with force and convulsively he was as pale\\nas death.\\nOn another day, I had brought a lithographed album\\nwhich represented several scenes in Switzerland. We\\nall three of us looked at it, and, from time to time,\\nwhen Brigitte found a view that pleased her, she stopped\\nto observe it. There was one of them that appeared to\\nher to surpass by far all the others, it was a landscape in\\nthe canton of Vaud, some distance from the Brigues\\nroad a green valley planted with apple-trees, where\\ncattle grazed in the shade; in the distance, a village\\nconsisting of a dozen wooden houses scattered irregularly", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0377.jp2"}, "362": {"fulltext": "3 4\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthrough the meadow and terraced on the surrounding\\nhills. In the foreground, a young girl, with a large\\nstraw hat on her head, was seated at the foot of a tree,\\nand a farm-boy, standing in front of her, seemed to be\\nshowing her, with an iron-tipped staff in his hand, the\\nroad that he had traversed he was pointing to a wind-\\ning path that was lost in the mountain. Above them\\nappeared the Alps, and the picture was crowned by\\nthree summits covered with snow, tinted with the shades\\nof the setting sun. Nothing was more simple, and at\\nthe same time nothing was more beautiful than that\\nlandscape. The valley resembled a lake of verdure,\\nand the eye followed its contours with the most perfect\\ntranquillity.\\nShall we go there? I said to Brigitte. I took a\\npencil and traced some lines on the print.\\nWhat are you doing?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she asked.\\nI am trying,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, whether with a little\\nskill it would be necessary to make much change in this\\nfigure to make it resemble you. That young girl\u00e2\u0080\u0099s pretty\\nhead-dress would become you wonderfully, I think and\\nmight I not, if I succeeded, give to that fine moun-\\ntaineer some resemblance to myself?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThis caprice seemed to please her and, at once\\ntaking hold of an eraser, she soon had effaced from the\\nsheet the countenance of the boy and that of the girl.\\nThere I was making her portrait, and she wanted to try\\nmine. The figures were very small, so that it was not", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0378.jp2"}, "363": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n305\\ndifficult it was agreed that the likenesses were striking,\\nand it sufficed indeed to look at our features to find\\nthem there again. When we had laughed at it the\\nbook remained open, and, the servant having called me\\nfor some matter of business, I went out a few moments\\nafterwards.\\nWhen I came back, Smith was leaning on the table\\nand was looking at the print with so much attention\\nthat he did not notice that I had returned. He was\\nabsorbed in a deep reverie I resumed my place near the\\nfire, and it was only after the first word that I addressed\\nto Brigitte that he raised his head. He looked at both\\nof us for a moment then he took leave of us in haste,\\nand, as he was crossing the dining-room, I saw him strike\\nhis forehead.\\nWhen I caught by surprise these signs of grief, I\\narose and ran to shut myself up. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWell! what is it,\\nthen? what is it, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I repeated. Then I joined my\\nhands to supplicate whom I know not perhaps\\nmy good angel, perhaps my evil destiny.\\nIV\\nMy heart called out to me to leave, and yet I still\\ndelayed; in the evening, a secret and bitter desire\\nnailed me to my place. When Smith was to come, I", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0379.jp2"}, "364": {"fulltext": "306 the confession of a\\nhad no rest until I heard the sound of the bell. How\\nhappens it that there is in us an unaccountable liking\\nfor misfortune\\nEach day a word, a rapid flash, a look, made me\\nshudder each day another word, another look, by a\\ncontrary impression, threw me into uncertainty. By\\nwhat inexplicable mystery did I see both of them so\\nsad By what other mystery did I remain emotionless,\\nlike a statue, on looking at them, when on more than\\none similar occasion I had shown myself violent even\\nto rage I had not the strength to budge, I who had\\nfelt myself in love with those almost ferocious jealousies,\\nas one sees them in the East. I passed my days in\\nwaiting, and I could not say what I was waiting for. I\\nsat down in the evening on my bed and said to myself\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cLet us see, let us think of that.\u00e2\u0080\u009d I put my head\\nbetween my hands, then I exclaimed \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt is impossi-\\nble and I began again the following day.\\nIn Smith\u00e2\u0080\u0099s presence, Brigitte showed me more friend-\\nship than when we were alone. He came, one evening,\\njust as we had exchanged some rather harsh words when\\nshe heard his voice in the anteroom, she came and sat\\ndown on my knees. As for him, always quiet and sad,\\nit seemed as if he was exercising a continual control\\nover himself. His slightest movements were measured\\nhe spoke little and slowly but the sudden impulses that\\nescaped from him were only the more striking by their\\ncontrast with his habitual reserve.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0380.jp2"}, "365": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 307\\nIn the circumstance in which I found myself, can I\\nascribe to curiosity the impatience that was devouring\\nme? What would I have answered if any one had\\ncome and said to me: \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat matters it to you? you\\nare quite curious.\u00e2\u0080\u009d Perhaps, however, it was nothing\\nelse.\\nI remember that one day, at the Pont-Royal, I saw a\\nman drowning. With some friends I took what is called\\na full course at the swimming-school, and we were fol-\\nlowed by a boat in which were two master swimmers.\\nIt was in the height of summer; our boat had met\\nanother, so that there were over thirty of us under the\\ngreat arch of the bridge. Suddenly, in the midst of\\nus, a young man is seized with a stroke of apoplexy. I\\nhear a cry and I turn round. I saw two hands that\\nwere in motion on the surface of the water, then every-\\nthing disappeared. We plunged at once; it was in\\nvain, and only after an hour they succeeded in drawing\\nout the dead body, stuck under some floating wood.\\nThe impression that I felt whilst I was plunging in\\nthe river will never leave my memory. I looked on all\\nsides into the dark and deep masses of water that en-\\nveloped me with a dull murmur. As long as I could\\nhold my breath, I always plunged deeper; then I re-\\nturned to the surface, I exchanged a question with\\nsome other swimmer as disturbed as myself then\\nI returned to that human fishing. I was filled with\\nhorror and hope; the idea that I was, perhaps, going", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0381.jp2"}, "366": {"fulltext": "3\u00c2\u00b08\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nto feel myself seized by two convulsive arms caused\\nme unspeakable joy and terror and it was only when\\nworn out with fatigue that I re-entered the boat.\\nWhen debauch does not brutalize a man, one of its\\nnecessary consequences is a strange curiosity. I have\\nspoken above of what I had felt on my first visit to\\nDesgenais. I wilTexplain myself further.\\nTruth, the skeleton of appearances, requires that\\nevery man, whoever he may be, shall in his day and his\\nhour touch his immortal bones at the bottom of some\\npassing sore. That is called knowing the world, and\\nexperience is at that cost.\\nNow it happens that in the face of this trial some\\nrecoil affrighted others, weak and scared, remain vacil-\\nlating like shadows. Some creatures, the best, perhaps,\\ndie of it at once. The greater number forget, and thus\\neverything floats toward death.\\nBut certain men, most certainly unhappy, neither\\nrecoil nor waver, neither die nor forget when their\\nturn comes to experience misfortune, otherwise called\\ntruth, they approach it with a firm step, extend the\\nhand, and, horrible to relate are seized with love for\\nthe livid drowned one whom they have felt at the\\nbottom of the water. They lay hold of him, feel him,\\nhug him then they are intoxicated with the desire of\\nknowing; they no longer look at things but to see\\nthrough them; they no longer do anything but doubt\\nand try they explore the world as spies of God their", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0382.jp2"}, "367": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n3\u00c2\u00b09\\nthoughts are sharpened into arrows, and a lynx is born\\nin their entrails.\\nDebauchees, more than all others, are exposed to this\\nmadness, and the reason for it is quite simple on com-\\nparing ordinary life to a plane and transparent surface,\\ndebauchees, in rapid currents, at every moment touch\\nbottom. On leaving a ball, for example, they go off\\nto some place of ill fame. After having in the waltz\\npressed the modest hand of a virgin, and perhaps having\\nmade her tremble, they leave, they run, throw their\\ncloak aside, and sit down at table rubbing their hands.\\nThe last phrase that they have just addressed to a pretty\\nand honest woman is still on their lips they repeat it\\nas they burst out laughing. What am I saying? do\\nthey not, for a few pieces of silver, raise up that gar-\\nment which constitutes modesty, the dress, that veil full\\nof mystery, which seems itself to respect the being\\nwhom it embellishes, and surrounds her without touch-\\ning her What idea, then, ought they to form of the\\nworld? they find themselves there at each instant as\\ncomedians behind the scenes. Who more than they\\nis habituated to that search of the bottom of things,\\nand, if one may so speak, to those deep and impious\\ngropings See how they speak of everything always\\nin terms the most indecent, the grossest, the most ab-\\nject those only appear to them as true everything\\nelse is but parade, convention, and prejudice. Do they\\nrelate an anecdote, do they give an account of what", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0383.jp2"}, "368": {"fulltext": "3 IQ\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthey have experienced always the dirty and physical\\nword, always the letter, always death They do not\\nsay \u00e2\u0080\u009cThat woman has loved me;\u00e2\u0080\u009d they say \u00e2\u0080\u009cI have\\nhad that woman; they do not say: I love; they\\nsay: \u00e2\u0080\u009cI desire;\u00e2\u0080\u009d they never say: \u00e2\u0080\u009cMay God grant\\nit!\u00e2\u0080\u009d they say everywhere: \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf I desire!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I do not\\nknow what they think of themselves and what solilo-\\nquies they hold.\\nWhence, inevitably, either slothfulness or curiosity;\\nfor, whilst they are thus exercising themselves in seeing\\nin everything the worst that is, they none the less in-\\ntend that others should continue believing in the good.\\nThey must needs, then, be heedless even to stuffing their\\nears, or until that noise of the rest of the world comes\\nto wake them up with a start. The father lets his son go\\nwhere so many others go, where Cato himself went he\\nsays that youth slips away. But, on returning, the son\\nlooks at his sister and see what an hour spent famil-\\niarly with brute reality produces in him it must be that\\nhe says to himself: \u00e2\u0080\u009cMy sister is in no respect like that\\ncreature whom I have left and from that day see how\\nrestless he is.\\nThe curiosity of evil is an infamous malady that is\\nborn of every impure contact. It is the prowling in-\\nstinct of ghosts that raises the stone from the tombs it\\nis an inexplicable torture with which God punishes those\\nwho have failed they would like to believe that every-\\nthing can fail, and they would perhaps be distressed", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0384.jp2"}, "369": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 31 1\\nthereat. But they inquire, they seek, dispute; they\\nlean their heads to one side, like a builder who is ad-\\njusting a square, and strive thus to see what they desire.\\nThe evil being proved, they smile at it the evil being\\ndoubtful, they would swear at it the good, they want\\nto see behind. Who knows that is the great formula,\\nthe first word that Satan spoke when he saw heaven\\nshut. Alas how many unhappy men have used this\\nsame expression! how many disasters and deaths, how\\nmany terrible sweeps with the scythe in harvests ready\\nto bloom how many hearts, how many families in\\nwhich there is no longer anything but ruins since that\\nword has been heard there Who knows who knows\\nan infamous expression Rather than pronounce it,\\none should do like sheep, who know not where the\\nslaughter-house is and who go there browsing on grass.\\nThat is better than being a free-thinker and reading La\\nRochefoucauld.\\nWhat better example could I give of it than what I\\nam relating at this moment? My mistress wanted to\\nstart, and I had only to say a word. I saw her sad,\\nand why did I remain what would have come of it if\\nI had left? It would have been only a moment\u00e2\u0080\u0099s fear;\\nwe would not have traveled three days before all would\\nhave been forgotten. Alone with her, she would have\\nthought only of me what mattered it to me to learn a\\nmystery that did not attack my happiness? She con-\\nsented, everything ended there. All that was necessary", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0385.jp2"}, "370": {"fulltext": "3 12\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwas a kiss on her lips instead of that, see what I am\\ndoing.\\nOne evening on which Smith had dined with us, I\\nwithdrew early and left them together. As I was\\nclosing my door, I heard Brigitte asking for tea. Next\\nday, on entering her room, I approached the table by\\nchance, and, beside the teapot, I saw only a single\\ncup. No one had entered before me, and, conse-\\nquently, the servant had carried nothing away of what\\nhad been made use of the evening before. I looked\\naround me on the furniture to see whether I could\\nfind a second cup, and assured myself that there was\\nnone.\\nDid Smith stay late?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I asked Brigitte.\\nHe remained until midnight.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nDid you go to bed alone, or did you call some\\none to put you to bed?\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI went to bed alone; everybody was asleep in the\\nhouse.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI was still searching, and my hands were trembling.\\nIn what burlesque comedy is there a simpleton jealous\\nenough to go and inquire what has become of a cup?\\nIn relation to what should Smith and Madame Pierson\\nhave drunk out of the same cup What a noble thought\\ncame to me in that\\nI was holding the cup, however, and I was moving\\nhere and there through the room. I could not help\\nbreaking into laughter, and I hurled it on the floor. It", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0386.jp2"}, "371": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n313\\nwas broken into a thousand pieces, which I crushed\\nunder my heel.\\nBrigitte saw me doing this without saying a single\\nword to me. During the two following days she treated\\nme with a coldness that had the appearance of holding\\nme in contempt, and I saw her affect towards Smith a\\nfreer and kindlier tone than ordinary. She called him\\nHenri, his baptismal name, and smiled on him in a\\nfamiliar way.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cI am anxious to take an airing,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said after\\ndinner; \u00e2\u0080\u009care you going to the Opera, Octave? I am\\nin a mood to go there on foot.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo, I stay here; go there without me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe took Smith\u00e2\u0080\u0099s arm and left. I remained alone the\\nwhole evening I had paper before me, and I wanted\\nto write so as to fix my thoughts, but I could not get\\nmyself down to it.\\nAs a lover, as soon as he sees himself alone, takes\\nfrom his bosom a letter from his mistress and buries\\nhimself in a cherished dream, so I plunged with pleas-\\nure into the feeling of a profound solitude and I shut\\nmyself up in order to doubt. I had in front of me the\\ntwo empty seats that Smith and Brigitte had just oc-\\ncupied I looked at them with a greedy eye, as if they\\nmight be able to tell me something. I revolved a\\nthousand times in my head what I had seen and heard\\nfrom time to time I went to the door and cast my eyes\\non our trunks, which were arranged against the wall and", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0387.jp2"}, "372": {"fulltext": "3 I 4\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwhich were waiting for a month past; I opened them\\ngently, I examined the clothing, the books, arranged\\nin order by those careful and delicate little hands I\\nlistened to the carriages passing; their noise made my\\nheart palpitate. I spread out on the table our map of\\nEurope, but lately the witness of such sweet projects;\\nand there, in the very presence of all my hopes, in that\\nroom in which I had conceived them and seen them so\\nnear to being realized, I gave myself up with free heart\\nto the most frightful presentiments.\\nHow was that possible I felt neither wrath nor jeal-\\nousy, and yet an unbounded sorrow. I did not suspect,\\nand yet I doubted. So odd is man\u00e2\u0080\u0099s mind that he\\nknows how to forge for himself, with what he sees and\\nin spite of what he sees, a hundred subjects of suffering.\\nIn truth, his brain resembles those cells of the Inquisi-\\ntion in which the walls are covered with so many instru-\\nments of torture that one understands neither their\\nobject nor their form, and that one asks, on seeing them,\\nif they are pincers or playthings. Tell me, I ask you,\\nwhat difference there is between one saying to his mis-\\ntress \u00e2\u0080\u009cAll women deceive,\u00e2\u0080\u009d and saying to her: \u00e2\u0080\u009cYou\\nare deceiving me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhat was passing through my head was, however,\\nperhaps as subtle as the finest sophism it was a sort\\nof dialogue between mind and conscience. If I lost\\nBrigitte?\u00e2\u0080\u009d said the mind. \u00e2\u0080\u009cShe is going away with\\nyou,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said the conscience. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf she was deceiving", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0388.jp2"}, "373": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n3 I 5\\nme?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cHow would she deceive you, she who had\\nmade her will, in which she recommended that prayers\\nbe said for you!\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf Smith loved her?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cMad-\\nman, what matters it to you, since you know that it\\nis you whom she loves?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf she loves me, why\\nis she sad?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cThat is her secret, respect it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf\\nI take her away, will she be happy?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cLove her,\\nshe will be so.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy, when that man looks at her,\\ndoes she seem afraid to meet his eyes?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cBecause\\nshe is a woman and because he is young.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy\\ndoes that man, when she looks at him, turn pale all\\nof a sudden?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cBecause he is a man and because\\nshe is pretty.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy, when I went to see him, did\\nhe throw himself weeping into my arms? why, one\\nday, did he strike his brow?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cDo not ask what it\\nis necessary that you be ignorant of.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy is it\\nnecessary that I be ignorant of these things?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cBe-\\ncause you are wretched and fragile, and because every\\nmystery is God\u00e2\u0080\u0099s.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cBut why is it that I suffer, why\\ncannot I think of that without my soul being terri-\\nfied?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cThink of your father and do good.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cBut\\nwhy can I not do it why does evil attract me to it\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cGet down on your knees and make your confession;\\nif you believe in evil, you have done it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cIf I have\\ndone it, was it my fault? why did goodness betray\\nme?\u00e2\u0080\u009d \u00e2\u0080\u009cBecause you are in darkness, is that a reason\\nfor denying light if there are traitors, why are you one\\nof them?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\u00e2\u0080\u0094 \u00e2\u0080\u009cBecause I am afraid of being duped.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\u00e2\u0080\u0094", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0389.jp2"}, "374": {"fulltext": "3 l6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nWhy do you spend your nights awake The new-born\\nare asleep at that hour. Why are you alone now?\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cBecause I am thinking, I am doubting, and I am\\nafraid.\u00e2\u0080\u009d When, then, will you make your prayer?\\nWhen I shall believe. Why have they lied to me?\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy do you lie, you coward! at this very moment?\\nWhy do you not die if you cannot suffer?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThus spoke and groaned in me two terrible and con-\\ntrary voices, and a third still called out: \u00e2\u0080\u009cAlas! alas!\\nmy innocence alas alas the days of old\\nv\\nWhat a frightful lever is human thought it is our\\ndefence and our safeguard, the finest present that God\\nhas made to us. It is ours and obeys us we can hurl it\\ninto space, and, once outside this weak cranium, we have\\ndone with it, we are no longer answerable for it.\\nAs long as I was, from day to day, continually putting\\noff that departure, I was losing strength and sleep, and\\nlittle by little, without my noticing it, all my life was\\nabandoning me. When I sat down at table, I felt in\\nme a mortal disgust at night, those two pale counten-\\nances, that of Smith and that of Brigitte, which I was\\nwatching as long as day lasted, followed me into fright-\\nful dreams. When they went in the evening to the", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0390.jp2"}, "375": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n317\\ntheatre, I refused to go there with them then I betook\\nmyself thither on my own account, I concealed myself\\nin the pit, and thence I looked at them. I feigned to\\nhave business in the adjoining room and I stayed there\\nan hour to listen to them. Sometimes the idea of pick-\\ning a quarrel with Smith and of forcing him to fight\\nme, laid violent hold of me I turned my back to him\\nwhile he was speaking to me then I saw him with an\\nair of surprise coming to me and offering me his hand.\\nSometimes, when I was alone at night and when every\\none was asleep in the house, I felt myself tempted to go\\nto Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s secretary and to take her papers from it.\\nOnce I was obliged to go out so as to resist it. What\\ncan I say One day, with a knife in my hand, I wished\\nto threaten to kill them if they did not tell me the reason\\nof their sadness another day, it was against myself that\\nI wanted to turn my rage. With what shame I write it\\nAnd should any one have asked me for the cause of my\\nacting thus, I should not have known what answer to\\ngive.\\nTo see, to know, to doubt, to spy, to be restless and\\nto make myself miserable, to spend the day with my ear\\non the alert, and the night bathed in tears, to repeat to\\nmyself that I was dying of grief and to believe that I\\nhad cause for it, to feel isolation and weakness tearing\\nup hope by the roots from my heart, to imagine that I\\nwas spying, while I was listening in the shade only to\\nthe beating of my feverish pulse unendingly to go over", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0391.jp2"}, "376": {"fulltext": "THE CONFESSION OF A\\n3 l8\\nthose insipid phrases that are current everywhere\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cLife is a dream, there is nothing stable here below;\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nin fine, to curse, to blaspheme God in me, by my\\nwretchedness and my caprice that is what my enjoy-\\nment was, the dear occupation for which I gave up love,\\nthe air of heaven, liberty\\nEternal God, liberty yes, there were certain mo-\\nments when, in spite of everything, I still thought of it.\\nIn the midst of so much madness, oddity, and stupidity,\\nthere were boundings in me that all of a sudden took me\\naway from myself. It was a gust of air that struck\\nagainst my face when I went out of my cell; it was a\\npage of a book that I was reading, when, however, it\\nhappened to me to take up others than those of these\\nmodern sycophants whom people call pamphleteers, and\\nagainst whom people ought to be on their guard, as a\\nmere measure of public safety, to tear to pieces and to\\ntreat as philosophasters. Since I am speaking of those\\ngood moments that were so rare, I want to mention\\none of them. One evening I was reading Constant\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nmemoirs I found in them the following ten lines\\nSalsdorf, a Saxon surgeon attached to Prince Chris-\\ntian, had his limb broken by a shell at the battle of\\nWagram. He was lying in the dust almost lifeless.\\nFifteen paces away from him Amadeus of Kerburg,\\naide-de-camp I have forgotten to whom bruised in\\nthe breast by a bullet, falls and vomits blood. Salsdorf", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0392.jp2"}, "377": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 319\\nsees that, if succor is not brought to this young man, he\\nis going to die of apoplexy he gathers up his strength,\\ndrags himself crawling to him, bleeds him, and saves\\nhis life. On leaving there, Salsdorf dies at Vienna, four\\ndays after the amputation.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhen I read these words, I threw down the book\\nand melted into tears. I do not regret them, they were\\nworth a good day to me for I did nothing but speak\\nof Salsdorf, and cared for nothing else whatever. I did\\nnot think, for a certainty, of suspecting any one that\\nday. Poor dreamer should I then remember that I\\nhad been good? Of what service was that to me? to\\nstretch out desolate arms towards Heaven, to ask myself\\nwhy I was in the world and to look around me to see\\nwhether some shell would not also fall that would free\\nme for eternity. Alas it was only the lightning flash\\nthat crossed through my night for an instant.\\nLike those mad dervishes who find ecstasy in vertigo,\\nwhen thought, turning on itself, has become exhausted\\nfrom digging into itself, weary of a useless toil, it stops\\nin affright. It seems that man is empty, and that, by\\nforce of going down into himself, he reaches the last\\nstep of a spiral staircase. There, as on the mountain\\nsummits, as in the depths of mines, air is wanting, and\\nGod forbids him to go farther. Then, stricken with a\\nmortal cold, the heart, as if affected by forgetfulness,\\nwould like to escape from its bondage in order to be", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0393.jp2"}, "378": {"fulltext": "3 2\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nborn again he asks life of what surrounds him, he\\nbreathes the air ardently but he finds around him only\\nhis own chimeras which he has just animated with the\\nstrength that is wanting to him, and which, created by\\nhim, surround him like pitiless spectres.\\nIt was not possible that matters should long continue\\nthus. Worn out by uncertainty, I resolved to make a\\ntrial in order to discover the truth.\\nI went to order post-horses for ten o\u00e2\u0080\u0099clock in the\\nevening. We had hired a caleche, and I gave instruc-\\ntions that everything be ready for the hour appointed.\\nAt the same time I forbade that anything be said of it\\nto Madame Pierson. Smith came to dinner on taking\\nmy seat at table I affected more gayety than ordinarily,\\nand, without signifying my intention to them, I turned\\nthe conversation on our journey. I would give it up, I\\nsaid to Brigitte, if I thought that she had it less at heart\\nI found myself so well at Paris that I did not ask better\\nthan to stay there as long as she found it agreeable. I\\nbestowed praise on all the pleasures that one could have\\nonly in this city I spoke of balls, of the theatre, of so\\nmany opportunities for distraction that are there to be\\nmet with at every turn. In short, since we were happy,\\nI did not see why we should change places and I did\\nnot dream of setting out so soon.\\nI expected that she was going to insist on our plan of\\ngoing to Geneva, and indeed she did not fail to do so.\\nIt was, however, but rather feebly but, as soon as she", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0394.jp2"}, "379": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n3 21\\nhad said the first words about it, I feigned to yield to her\\ninsistence then, changing the conversation, I spoke of\\nindifferent matters, as if everything had been agreed\\nupon.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd why,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I added, \u00e2\u0080\u009cshould not Smith come along\\nwith us It is quite true that he has occupations which\\nkeep him here; but can he not get a leave of absence?\\nMoreover, should not the talents that he possesses, and\\nof which he does not wish to take advantage, assure to\\nhim a free and honorable existence anywhere Let him\\ncome without ceremony the coach is large, and we offer\\nhim a place. It is necessary that a young man should see\\nthe world, and there is nothing so sad at his age as to\\nbe shut up in a narrow circle. Is it not true I asked\\nBrigitte. Come, my dear, let your credit obtain from\\nhim what he would perhaps refuse to me persuade him\\nto sacrifice six weeks of his time to us. We will travel\\ntogether, and a tour in Switzerland with us will make\\nhim find more pleasure in his office and his work.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBrigitte joined with me, though she well knew that\\nthis invitation was only a pleasantry. Smith could not\\nabsent himself from Paris without danger of losing his\\nplace, and he answered us, not without regret, that this\\nreason prevented him from accepting. However, I had\\na bottle of good wine brought up, and, while continuing\\nto press him, half-laughingly, half-seriously, we were\\nall three of us animated. After dinner, I went out for\\na quarter of an hour to make sure that my orders were", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0395.jp2"}, "380": {"fulltext": "3 22\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ncarried out then I returned with a joyous air, and,\\nsitting down at the piano, I proposed to have some\\nmusic. Let us spend our evening here,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to\\nthem; \u00e2\u0080\u009cif you approve, let us not go to the theatre;\\nI am not capable of aiding you, but I can listen to you.\\nWe will get Smith to play if he is bored, and the time\\nwill pass more quickly than elsewhere.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBrigitte did not require to be entreated, she sang with\\ngood grace Smith accompanied her with his violoncello.\\nThe ingredients to make punch had been brought, and\\nere long the flame of burning rum made us gay with its\\nlight. The piano was abandoned for the table; they\\nreturned to it we took up cards everything went on\\nas I wanted, and it was a question only of diversion.\\nI had my eyes fixed on the clock, and I was im-\\npatiently waiting for the hand to mark ten. Restless-\\nness was devouring me, but I had the strength to let\\nno sign of it escape. At last the moment fixed upon\\narrived I heard the postilion\u00e2\u0080\u0099s whip and the horses\\nentering the courtyard. Brigitte was seated near me I\\ntook hold of her hand and asked her if she was ready to\\nleave. She looked at me in surprise, no doubt thinking\\nthat I was jesting. I said to her that at dinner she had\\nappeared to me so clearly decided that I had not hesi-\\ntated to have the horses brought, and that it was to order\\nthem that I had gone out. At the same instant the house-\\nboy entered, coming to tell us that the packages were on\\nthe coach and that they were only waiting for us.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0396.jp2"}, "381": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n323\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAre you serious?\u00e2\u0080\u009d Brigitte asked; \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou want to\\nleave to-night\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy not,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I answered, \u00e2\u0080\u009csince we are agreed that\\nwe ought to leave Paris\\nWhat now at this very instant?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cUndoubtedly; is it not a month since everything\\nhas been ready you see that they have only had the\\ntrouble of strapping our trunks on the caleche; from\\nthe moment it is decided that we do not remain here, is\\nit not better to leave as soon as possible I am of the\\nopinion that it is necessary to do everything thus and to\\ndefer nothing until to-morrow. You are this evening in\\na traveling mood, and I make haste to take advantage\\nof it. Why wait and defer continually I could not\\nbear this life. Is it not true that you want to leave?\\nwell, let us leave, it now only depends upon you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThere was a moment\u00e2\u0080\u0099s deep silence. Brigitte went\\nto the window and saw that the horses were hitched.\\nMoreover, from the tone in which I spoke, there could\\nno longer remain any doubt, and, however prompt this\\nresolve must have appeared to her, it was from her that\\nit came. She could not unsay her own words or make\\na pretext of any motive for delay. Her determination\\nwas taken at once she first put some questions as if to\\nmake sure that everything was in order; seeing that\\nnothing had been omitted, she looked about from side\\nto side. She took her shawl and her hat, then put them\\non, then looked again. I am ready,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009chere", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0397.jp2"}, "382": {"fulltext": "3 2 4\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI am; we are leaving, then? we are going to start?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe took a light, visited my room, her own, and opened\\nthe boxes and the wardrobes. She asked for the key\\nof her secretary which she had lost, she said. Where\\ncould that key be? She had it an hour ago. \u00e2\u0080\u009cCome,\\ncome, I am ready,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she repeated with extreme agita-\\ntion; \u00e2\u0080\u009clet us leave, Octave, let us go down.\u00e2\u0080\u009d While\\nsaying that she was still looking and came and sat down\\nbeside us.\\nI had remained on the lounge and was looking at\\nSmith standing in front of me. He had not changed\\ncountenance, and seemed neither troubled nor surprised\\nbut two drops of perspiration were running down his-\\ntemples, and I heard an ivory counter which he was\\nholding, crack between his fingers, and the pieces fall\\nto the floor. He extended both his hands to us at\\nthe same time. \u00e2\u0080\u009cA pleasant journey, my friends! he\\nsaid.\\nRenewed silence; I was ever observing him, and I\\nwas waiting for him to add a word. If there is a\\nsecret here,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I thought, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhen shall I know it, if not\\nat this moment They must both of them have it on\\ntheir lips. Let but the shadow of it appear, and I will\\nseize it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cMy dear Octave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Brigitte, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhere do you\\nexpect that we shall stay? You will write to us, Henri,\\nwill you not you will not forget my family, and you\\nwill do whatever you can for me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0398.jp2"}, "383": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 325\\nHe answered with emotion, but with apparent calm,\\nthat he pledged himself with all his heart to serve her\\nand that he would exert his efforts to do so. \u00e2\u0080\u009cI cannot\\nanswer for anything,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand regarding the letters\\nthat you have received, there is very little hope. But it\\nwill not be my fault if, in spite of everything, I cannot\\nsoon send you some good news. Count on me, I am\\ndevoted to you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAfter having further addressed a few obliging words\\nto us, he got ready to leave. I arose and went ahead\\nof him I wanted for the last time to leave them for\\nanother moment together, and as soon as I had closed\\nthe door behind me, in all the rage of baffled jealousy,\\nI pressed my brow against the lock.\\nWhen shall I see you again he asked.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNever,\u00e2\u0080\u009d Brigitte replied; \u00e2\u0080\u009cadieu, Henri.\u00e2\u0080\u009d She\\nextended her hand to him. He leaned down, raised it\\nto his lips, and I had only time to throw myself back\\ninto the darkness. He passed out without seeing me\\nand left.\\nLeft alone with Brigitte, I felt my heart desolate.\\nShe was waiting for me, her cloak under her arm, and\\nthe emotion which she felt was too obvious to be mis-\\ntaken about it. She had found the key which she was\\nlooking for, and her secretary was open. I returned and\\nsat down beside the fireplace.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cListen,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said, without daring to look at her; \u00e2\u0080\u009cI\\nhave been so guilty towards you that I ought to wait", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0399.jp2"}, "384": {"fulltext": "326 THE CONFESSION OF A\\nand suffer without having the right to complain. The\\nchange that has taken place in you has cast me into such\\ndespair that I have not been able to keep from asking\\nyou the reason for it but to-day I no longer ask it of\\nyou. Does it pain you to leave? tell me; I will be\\nresigned.\\nLet us start let us start she replied.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAs you will; but be frank. Whatever be the blow\\nthat I receive, I must not even ask whence it comes I\\nwill submit to it without a murmur. But if I must ever\\nlose you, do not give me back hope for, God knows\\nI should not survive it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe turned around precipitately. \u00e2\u0080\u009cSpeak to me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nshe said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cof your love, do not speak to me of your\\nsorrow.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell, I love you more than my life! Compared\\nwith my love, my sorrow is only a dream. Come with\\nme to the end of the world, either I will die, or I will\\nlive by you\\nWhile pronouncing these words I took a step towards\\nher and I saw her grow pale and recoil. She made a\\nvain effort to force her contracted lips to smile; and,\\nstooping down over the secretary: \u00e2\u0080\u009cAn instant,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she\\nsaid, \u00e2\u0080\u009can instant more; I have some papers to burn.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe showed me the letters from N tore them up\\nand threw them into the fire; she took others, which\\nshe reread and which she spread out on the table. They\\nwere bills from her dealers, and there were some of them", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0400.jp2"}, "385": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n3 2 7\\nin the number that had not yet been paid. While ex-\\namining them, she began to speak with volubility, her\\ncheeks burning as in a fever. She asked pardon of me\\nfor her obstinate silence and for her conduct since her\\narrival. She showed me more tenderness, more con-\\nfidence than ever. She clapped her hands, laughing,\\nand promised herself the most charming journey; in\\nfine, she was all love, or at least all semblance of love.\\nI cannot say how much I was suffering from that facti-\\ntious joy there was in that sorrow which was thus bely-\\ning itself, a sadness more frightful than tears and more\\nbitter than reproaches. I should have preferred her\\ncold and indifferent rather than thus excitedly striving\\nto conquer herself it seemed to me that I beheld a\\ntravesty of our most happy moments. It was the same\\nwords, the same woman, the same caresses; and that\\nwhich, only a fortnight previously, was intoxicating me\\nwith love and with happiness, thus repeated, gave me\\nhorror.\\nBrigitte,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her all of a sudden, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat\\nmystery, then, are you concealing from me? If you\\nlove me, what horrible comedy, then, are you thus\\nplaying before me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI she said, almost offended. What makes you\\nbelieve that I am acting a part\\nWhat makes me believe it Tell me, my dear, that\\nyou have death in your soul and that you are suffering\\nmartyrdom. Behold my arms ready to receive you;", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0401.jp2"}, "386": {"fulltext": "328\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nrest your head there and weep. Then I will take you\\naway, perhaps; but in truth, not thus.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nLet us start, let us start she repeated again.\\nNo, on my soul no, not at present, no, so long as\\nthere is a lie or a mask between us. I prefer misfortune\\nto that gayety.\u00e2\u0080\u009d She remained mute, in consternation\\nat seeing that I was not deceived by her words and that\\nI saw through her in spite of her efforts.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy deceive ourselves?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I continued. \u00e2\u0080\u009cHave I,\\nthen, fallen so low in your estimation that you can feign\\nin my presence This unfortunate and sad journey you\\nbelieve yourself, then, condemned to Am I a tyrant,\\nan absolute master am I an executioner who is dragging\\nyou to punishment What, then, do you fear from my\\nwrath, that you have recourse to such subterfuges?\\nWhat terror makes you lie so\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou are wrong,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she replied; \u00e2\u0080\u009cI entreat you, not\\na word more.\\nWhy, then, so little sincerity? If I am not your\\nconfidant, can I not at least be treated as a friend if I\\ncannot know whence come your tears, can I not at least\\nsee them flow Have you not even that confidence\\nof believing that I respect your sorrows? What have I\\ndone to be left in ignorance of them could not some\\nremedy be found there\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou are wrong; you would work\\nyour own misfortune and mine if you pressed me further.\\nIs it not enough that we start", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0402.jp2"}, "387": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n3 2 9\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd how would you have me set out when it suffices\\nto look at you in order to see that this journey is re-\\npugnant to you, that you go unwillingly, that you are\\nalready repenting of it What is it, then, great God\\nand what are you concealing from me What is the\\nuse of playing with words, when the thought is as clear\\nas that glass there Should I not be the lowest of men\\nto accept thus, without a murmur, what you are giving\\nto me with so much regret? Yet how should I refuse\\nit what can I do if you do not speak\\nNo, I am not following you against my inclinations;\\nyou are mistaken I love you, Octave cease to torment\\nme thus.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe put so much sweetness into her words that I threw\\nmyself at her knees. Who could have resisted her look\\nand the divine character of her voice? \u00e2\u0080\u009cMy God\\nI exclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou love me, Brigitte? my dear mistress,\\nyou love me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes, I love you, yes, I belong to you; do with me\\nas you will. I will follow you; let us go off together;\\ncome, Octave, they are waiting for us.\u00e2\u0080\u009d She clasped\\nmy hand in both hers and gave me a kiss on the fore-\\nhead. \u00e2\u0080\u009cYes, it must be so,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she murmured; \u00e2\u0080\u009cyes, I\\nmean it, even to the last breath.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIt must be so I said to myself. I arose. There\\nremained on the table but a single sheet of paper which\\nBrigitte was glancing over. She took it up, turned it\\nover, then let it fall to the floor. Is that all? I asked.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0403.jp2"}, "388": {"fulltext": "330\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nYes, that is all.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhen I had had the horses brought, it had not been\\nwith the thought that we should indeed set out. I\\nwanted only to make a trial but, by the very force of\\nthe circumstances, it had become a reality. I opened\\nthe door. \u00e2\u0080\u009cIt must be so!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself; \u00e2\u0080\u009cit\\nmust be so I repeated quite loud. What does this\\nexpression mean, Brigitte? what is there here, then, of\\nwhich I am ignorant? Explain yourself; if not, I stay.\\nWhy must it be that you love me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe fell on the lounge and wrung her hands in\\nsorrow. \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh! unfortunate, unfortunate man!\u00e2\u0080\u009d she\\nsaid, \u00e2\u0080\u009cyou will never know how to love!\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell, perhaps, yes, I believe so; but, before God,\\nI know how to suffer. It is necessary that you love me,\\nis it not? well, it needs be also that you answer me.\\nEven should I have to lose you forever, even should these\\nwalls crumble over my head, I will not leave here until\\nI know what this mystery is which has been torturing\\nme for a month past. You shall speak, or I leave you.\\nLet me be a fool, a madman, let me spoil my life at\\nwill, let me ask you what perhaps I ought to feign to\\nwant to be ignorant of, let an explanation between us\\ndestroy our happiness and raise henceforward before me\\nan insurmountable barrier, let me in that way make\\nimpossible this very departure which I have so much\\nwished; whatever it may cost you and me, you shall\\nspeak, or I give up everything.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0404.jp2"}, "389": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 331\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo, no, I will not speak.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou shall speak Do you think, perchance, that I\\nam a dupe of your lying? When I see you from even-\\ning until the next day more different from yourself than\\nday is from night, do you think, then, that I am de-\\nceived about it When you give me as a reason some\\nletters that are not worth merely the trouble of read-\\ning, do you imagine that I am satisfied with the first\\npretext that comes, because it pleases you not to look\\nfor another? Is your countenance of plaster, so that it\\nis difficult to see on it what is passing in your heart?\\nWhat opinion, then, have you of me I do not deceive\\nmyself so much as people think, and take care lest for\\nwant of words your silence does not tell me what you\\nare so obstinately concealing.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat do you mean that I am concealing from\\nyou?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhat do I mean you ask me that Is it to brave\\nme to my face that you put this question to me is it to\\ndrive me to extremes and to get rid of me? Yes, most\\ncertainly, offended pride is there, which is waiting for\\nme to break out. If I explained myself frankly, you\\nwould have every feminine hypocrisy at your service\\nyou are waiting until I accuse you, in order to answer\\nme that a woman like you does not condescend to justify\\nherself. In what looks of disdainful pride do not the\\nmost guilty and the most perfidious know how to en-\\nvelop themselves Your great weapon is silence it is", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0405.jp2"}, "390": {"fulltext": "33 2\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nnot of yesterday that I know it. You wish only to be\\ninsulted, you are silent until one comes to that come,\\ncome, struggle with my heart; where yours beats, you\\nwill find it; but do not struggle with my head, it is\\nharder than iron and it holds out as long as you\\nPoor boy! Brigitte murmured, you do not want\\nto go, then\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo! I leave only with my mistress, and you are\\nnot so now. I have struggled enough, I have suffered\\nenough, I have tortured my heart sufficiently. It is time\\nthat day should dawn; I have lived enough in night.\\nYes, or no, will you answer?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAs you please I will wait.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI went and sat down at the other end of the room,\\ndetermined on getting up only when I had learned\\nwhat I wanted to know. She appeared to reflect and\\nwalked haughtily in front of me.\\nI followed her with a greedy eye, and the silence that\\nshe kept by degrees increased my wrath. I did not\\nwant her to notice it, and knew not what course to\\ntake. I opened the window. Let the horses be\\nunharnessed,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I called, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand let them be paid for! I\\nshall not leave this evening.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cPoor unhappy man!\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Brigitte. I quietly\\nclosed the window again and sat down without appear-\\ning to have heard her but I felt so keen an anger that\\nI could not resist it. That cold silence, that negative", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0406.jp2"}, "391": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n333\\nforce, were exasperating me to the last degree. I\\nshould have been really deceived and sure of the treason\\nof a loved woman, had I felt nothing worse. As soon\\nas I was myself condemned to still remain in Paris, I\\nsaid to myself that at any price it was necessary for\\nBrigitte to speak. In vain did I seek in my head for\\na way of obliging her to do so but, to find it at the\\nvery instant, I would have given all that I possessed.\\nWhat was I to do what to say She was there, quiet,\\nlooking at me sadly. I heard the horses unharnessed;\\nthey went away at a slow trot, and the sound of their\\nbells was soon lost in the streets. I had only to turn\\nround for them to come back, and yet it seemed to me\\nthat their departure was irrevocable. I pushed the bolt\\nof the door I do not know what said in my ear\\nThere you are alone, face to face with the being who\\nis to give you life or death.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhilst, lost in my thoughts, I was trying to invent a\\ncourse that would bring me back to the truth, I remem-\\nbered a romance by Diderot, in which a woman, jealous\\nof her lover, bethinks herself of a rather singular means\\nto throw light on her doubts. She told him that she\\nno longer loved him and announced to him that she\\nwas going to leave him. The Marquis des Arcis that\\nis the lover\u00e2\u0080\u0099s name walks into the trap and acknowl-\\nedges that he is himself weary of his love. This odd\\nscene, which I had read when too young, had struck\\nme as an artifice, and the memory that I had kept of it", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0407.jp2"}, "392": {"fulltext": "THE CONFESSION OF A\\n334\\nmade me smile at that moment. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWho knows?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nsaid to myself, if I did likewise, Brigitte would, per-\\nhaps, be deceived thereby and would tell me what her\\nsecret is.\\nFrom furious wrath, I passed all of a sudden to ideas\\nof trickery and knavery. Was it, then, so difficult to\\nmake a woman speak in spite of herself? That woman\\nwas my mistress I was quite weak if I did not succeed\\nin it. I threw myself on the sofa with a free and indif-\\nferent air. \u00e2\u0080\u009cWell, my dear,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said pleasantly, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwe\\nare not, then, at the day of confidences.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe looked at me with an air of astonishment.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell! my God, yes,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I continued, \u00e2\u0080\u009cit must be,\\nhowever, that some day or other we shall reach a mutual\\nunderstanding. See, to set you the example, I have\\nsome desire to begin that will make you confident,\\nand there is nothing like an understanding between\\nfriends.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nUndoubtedly, in speaking thus, my countenance\\nbetrayed me; Brigitte did not seem to hear me and\\ncontinued walking.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cDo you know, indeed,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cthat after\\nall it is six months that we have been together The\\nsort of life that we are leading has nothing that resem-\\nbles that at which one may laugh. You are young, I\\nam so likewise if it happened that the intimacy ceased\\nto be to your taste, would you be woman enough to say\\nso to me In truth, if that was so, I would acknowledge", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0408.jp2"}, "393": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n335\\nit to you frankly. And why not? is it a crime to love?\\nit cannot, then, be a crime to love less, or to love no\\nlonger. What would there be astonishing at our age\\nin desiring a change\\nShe stopped. At our age she said. Is it to me\\nthat you address yourself? What comedy are you also\\nplaying?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThe blood mounted to my face. I seized her hand.\\nBe seated there,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand listen to me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhat is the use? it is not you who are speaking.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI was ashamed of my own pretence, and I gave it up.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cListen to me!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I repeated emphatically, \u00e2\u0080\u009cand\\ncome, I entreat you, and sit down here beside me. If\\nyou want to keep silent, do me at least the favor of\\nlistening to me.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cIam listening, what have you to say to me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIf any one said to me to-day You are a dastard\\nI am twenty-two and I am already beaten my whole\\nlife, my heart would revolt. Would I not have in me\\nthe consciousness of what I am It would be neces-\\nsary, however, to go out on the meadow, it would be\\nnecessary for me to face the first comer, it would be\\nnecessary to stake my life against his why To prove\\nthat I am not a dastard without which the world would\\nbelieve him. This single word requires this response,\\nevery time that one has pronounced it and no matter\\nwho.\\nIt is true how far do you want to go with it", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0409.jp2"}, "394": {"fulltext": "33 6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nWomen do not fight but, as society is constituted,\\nthere is, however, no being, of either sex, who ought\\nnot, at certain moments of life, were it regulated like\\na clock, solid as iron, see everything put to the test.\\nReflect whom do you see escape from this law some\\npersons, perhaps but see what comes of it if it is a\\nman, dishonor if it is a woman, what forgetfulness.\\nEvery being who lives a true life ought on that very\\naccount to give proof that he lives. There is, then,\\nfor a woman, as well as for a man, an occasion on\\nwhich she is attacked. If she is brave, she rises up,\\nmakes her presence known, and sits down. A stroke\\nof a sword proves nothing for her. Not only is it\\nnecessary that she defend herself, but that she herself\\nforge her weapons. People suspect her who an\\nindifferent person? she can and ought to despise him.\\nIs it her lover, does she love him, that lover? if\\nshe loves him, therein is her life, she cannot despise\\nhim.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nHer only answer is silence.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYou are mistaken; the lover who suspects her,\\noffends thereby against her whole life, I know it; what\\nanswers for her, is it not her tears, her past conduct, her\\ndevotedness and her patience? What will become of\\nhim if she be silent that her lover will lose her by his\\nown fault and that time will justify her. Is not that\\nyour thought\\nPerhaps silence above all.\u00e2\u0080\u009d", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0410.jp2"}, "395": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n337\\nPerhaps, do you say assuredly I shall lose you if\\nyou do not answer me my course is taken I leave\\nalone.\\n44 Well, Octave\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWell,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I exclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009ctime, then, will justify you?\\nFinish to that at least say yes or no.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nYes, I hope so.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nYou hope so that is what I entreat you to ask your-\\nself sincerely. It is the last time, no doubt, that you\\nwill have the opportunity for it in my presence. You\\ntell me that you love me, and I believe it. I suspect\\nyou you desire that I should go and that time should\\njustify you?\\n4 4 And of what do you suspect me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n44 1 did not want to tell you, for I see that it is useless.\\nBut, after all, wretchedness for wretchedness, at your\\nleisure I love that equally well. You are deceiving\\nme you love another that is your secret and mine.\\n44 Who, then 9 she asked.\\n44 Smith.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe laid her hand on my lips and turned away. I\\ncould not say anything more about it we both of us\\nremained pensive, our eyes fixed on the floor.\\n44 Listen to me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said with effort. 44 1 have suf-\\nfered much, and I call Heaven to witness that I would\\ngive my life for you. As long as there shall remain to\\nme in the world the faintest glimmer of hope, I will be\\nready to suffer still but even should I have to excite", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0411.jp2"}, "396": {"fulltext": "33 s\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nyour wrath anew by telling you that I am a woman, I\\nam so, however, my love. It is not necessary to go too\\nfar ahead, nor farther than human strength. I will never\\nanswer for that. All that I can do in this instance is\\nto go on my knees for the last time and to entreat you\\nagain to go away.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe bowed as she was saying these words. I arose.\\nQuite mad,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said bitterly, quite mad is he who,\\nonce in his life, wishes to obtain the truth from a woman\\nHe will obtain only contempt, and he deserves it indeed\\nThe truth he knows it who corrupts chambermaids or\\nwho glides to their pillow at the hour when they are\\ntalking in a dream. He knows it who becomes a woman\\nhimself and whom his baseness initiates into all that goes\\non in darkness But the man who asks for it frankly,\\nhe who opens a loyal hand to obtain that frightful alms,\\nit is not he who will ever obtain it She is on her\\nguard with him as the only answer she shrugs her\\nshoulders, and, if he loses his patience, she arises in her\\nvirtue like an outraged vestal, and she lets fall from her\\nlips the great feminine oracle, that suspicion destroys\\nlove and that one could not pardon that to which one\\ncannot answer. Ah just God what fatigue when,\\nthen, will all that end\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhen you will,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said in an icy tone I am as\\nweary of it as you.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cOn the very instant; I leave you forever, and may\\ntime, then, justify you Time time O cold lover", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0412.jp2"}, "397": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n339\\nremember this adieu. Time and your beauty, and your\\nlove, and happiness, where will they have gone Is it,\\nthen, without regret that you are thus losing me Ah\\nno doubt, the day on which the jealous lover will know\\nthat he has been unjust, the day on which he will see the\\nproofs, he will understand what heart he has wounded,\\nis it not true? he will weep for his shame, he will no\\nlonger have either joy or sleep he will live only to re-\\nmember that he might have been able formerly to live\\nhappy. But on that day his proud mistress will grow\\npale, perhaps, at seeing herself avenged she will say to\\nherself If I had done it sooner And believe me,\\nif she had loved, pride will not console her.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI had wanted to speak calmly, but I was no longer\\nmaster of myself in my turn I was walking agitatedly.\\nThere are certain looks that are veritable sword-thrusts,\\nthey cross each other like iron it was such that Brigitte\\nand I exchanged at that moment. I was looking at her\\nas a prisoner looks at the door of a cell. To break the\\nseal that she had on her lips and to force her to speak,\\nI would have exposed my own life and hers.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nWhere are you going?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she asked, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhat do you\\nwant me to say to you\\nWhat you have in your heart. Are you not cruel\\nenough to make me repeat it thus\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd you, and you! she exclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009care you not a\\nhundred times more cruel Ah quite mad, you say,\\nthey who want to know the truth Fool, can I say in my", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0413.jp2"}, "398": {"fulltext": "340\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nturn, who can hope that one believes her You want to\\nknow my secret, and my secret is that I love you. Fool\\nthat I am you are looking for another. This pallor\\nthat comes to me from you, you accuse it, you interro-\\ngate it. Fool I have wanted to suffer in silence, to\\ndevote my resignation to you I have wanted to conceal\\nfrom you my tears; you spy them as witnesses of a\\ncrime. Fool I have desired to cross the seas, to exile\\nmyself from France with you, to go and die, far from\\nall that has loved me, on that heart which doubts me.\\nFool I have believed that the truth had a look, an\\naccent, that one divined it, that one respected it Ah\\nwhen I think of it, the tears suffocate me. Why, if it\\nshould be thus, have drawn me on to a step which will\\nforever disturb my rest? My brain is reeling, I know\\nnot where I am\\nWeeping, she leaned on me. \u00e2\u0080\u009cFool! fool!\u00e2\u0080\u009d she\\nrepeated in a heart-rending voice.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd what is it, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she continued; \u00e2\u0080\u009chow long\\nwill you persevere? What can I do with these suspi-\\ncions that are incessantly springing up again, incessantly\\nallayed? I must, you say, justify myself! For what?\\nfor going away, for loving, for dying, for despairing?\\nand, if I affect a forced gayety, that very gayety offends\\nyou. I sacrifice everything to you in order to go away,\\nand you will not have gone a league until you will look\\nbackwards. Everywhere, always, whatever I do, insult,\\nwrath Ah dear child, if you knew what a mortal", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0414.jp2"}, "399": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n341\\ncold, what a suffering it is thus to see the simplest word\\nof the heart received with doubt and sarcasm You\\nwill deprive yourself thereby of the only happiness that\\nthere is in the world to love without reserve. In the\\nhearts of those who love you, you will kill every delicate\\nand elevated feeling you will at length believe in noth-\\ning save that which is most gross there will remain to\\nyou of love only what is visible and is touched by the\\nfinger. You are young, Octave, and you have yet a long\\nlife to travel you will have other mistresses. Yes, as\\nyou say, pride is a small matter, and it is not that which\\nwill console me but God grant that a tear from you\\nmay pay me one day for those that you are making me\\nshed at this moment.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe arose. \u00e2\u0080\u009cMust it then be said? is it necessary,\\nthen, that you know it, that for six months past I have\\nnot gone to bed a single evening without repeating to\\nmyself that everything was useless and that you would\\nnever be cured that I have not got up a single morning\\nwithout saying to myself that it was necessary to try\\nagain that you have not spoken a word without my\\nfeeling that I ought to leave you, and that you have not\\ngiven me a caress without my feeling that I preferred to\\ndie that, day by day, minute by minute, ever between\\nfear and hope, I have a thousand times tried to over-\\ncome either my love or my sorrow that, as soon as I\\nopened my heart to you, you cast a mocking glance\\ninto the very depths of my being, and that, as soon as I", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0415.jp2"}, "400": {"fulltext": "342\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nshut it, it seemed to me that I felt a treasure which you\\nalone could spend? Shall I relate to you those weak-\\nnesses and all those mysteries that seem puerile to those\\nwho do not respect them that, when you left me in\\nwrath, I shut myself up to reread your first letters that\\nthere is a beloved waltz that I have never played in vain\\nwhen I felt too keenly the impatience of seeing you\\ncome? Ah! unhappy woman how dear all those hidden\\ntears, all those follies so sweet to the weak, will cost you\\nWeep now this very punishment, this sorrow has served\\nto no purpose.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI wanted to interrupt her. Allow me, allow me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nshe said \u00e2\u0080\u009ca day must come when I must speak to you\\nthus. Let us see, why do you doubt me? For six\\nmonths past, in thought, in word, and in soul, I have\\nbelonged only to you. Of what do you dare to suspect\\nme? Do you want to set out for Switzerland? I am\\nready, as you see. Is it a rival that you think you have\\nsend him a letter that I will sign and that you will take\\nto the post-office. What are we doing where are we\\ngoing? let us make a decision. Are we not always\\ntogether? Well, why do you leave me? I cannot be\\nat the same time near you and far from you. It should\\nbe, you say, that one should trust in one\u00e2\u0080\u0099s mistress, and\\nthat is true. Either love is a good, or it is an evil if it\\nis a good, it is necessary to believe in it; if it is an\\nevil, it is necessary to be cured of it. All that, you see,\\nis a game that we are playing but our heart and our", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0416.jp2"}, "401": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n343\\nlife serve as a stake, and that is horrible Do you want\\nto die that will be the sooner done. Who am I, then,\\nthat one doubts me?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nShe stopped in front of the glass.\\nWho am I, then?\u00e2\u0080\u009d she repeated, who am I, then?\\nDo you think of it Look, then, at this countenance.\\n1 Doubt thee! she exclaimed, addressing her own\\nreflection; 4 poor, pale head, they suspect thee! poor,\\nthin cheeks, poor wearied eyes, they doubt you and your\\ntears! Well, put an end to your suffering; may those\\nkisses that have dried you, close your eyelids! Go\\ndown into that humid earth, poor vacillating body that\\nno longer supports thyself When thou shalt be there,\\npeople will believe it, perhaps, if doubt believes in\\ndeath. O sad spectre on what shore, then, wishest\\nthou to wander and groan? what is that fire that is\\ndevouring thee Thou art making plans of travel, thou\\nthat hast a foot in the grave Die God is thy wit-\\nness that thou hast wished to love Ah what riches,\\nwhat powers of love, one has awakened in thy heart\\nAh what a dream one has let thee enjoy, and with\\nwhat poisons one has killed thee What evil hadst\\nthou done that they threw thee into this ardent fever\\nthat is burning thee? What madness, then,, animates\\nhim, that enraged creature who is driving thee with\\nhis foot into the coffin, while his lips are speaking to\\nthee of love What will become of thee, then, if thou\\nstill livest Is it not time is there not enough of it", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0417.jp2"}, "402": {"fulltext": "344\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nWhat proof of thy grief wilt thou give for one to\\nbelieve in it, when as to thyself, poor living proof,\\npoor witness, people do not believe thee? To what\\ntorture dost thou want to subject thyself, that thou hast\\nnot already used By what torments, what sacrifices,\\nwilt thou appease greedy, insatiable love? Thou wilt\\nbe only an object of laughter thou wilt seek in vain\\nfor a deserted street in which those who pass by will\\nnot point their finger at thee. Thou wilt lose all shame\\nand even the appearance of that fragile virtue that has\\nbeen so dear to thee and the man for whom thou hast\\ndegraded thyself will be the first to punish thee for it.\\nHe will reproach thee for living for him alone, for\\nbraving the world for him, and, whilst thine own\\nfriends will murmur around thee, he will seek in their\\nlooks whether he does not perceive too much pity he\\nwill accuse thee of deceiving him, if a hand ever presses\\nthine, and if, in the desert of thy life, thou perchance\\nfindest any one who can bewail thee in passing. O God\\ndoes he remember one summer day on which they placed\\non thy head a crown of white roses Was it that brow\\nthat wore them Ah this hand which hung it on the\\noratory walls, has not fallen into dust like it O my\\nvalley O my old aunt, who now sleepest in peace\\nO my lindens, my little white goat, my good farmers\\nwho loved me so much do you remember having seen\\nme so happy, proud, tranquil, and respected? Who,\\nthen, threw in my way this stranger who wants to", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0418.jp2"}, "403": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n345\\nsnatch me from them who, then, gave him the right\\nto pass along my village path Ah unhappy one\\nwhy didst thou turn around the first day that he fol-\\nlowed thee there why didst thou receive him as a\\nbrother? why didst thou open the door and extend\\nthy hand to him? Octave, Octave, why hast thou\\nloved me, if all was to end thus\\nShe was near fainting, and I held her up until reach-\\ning an arm-chair, into which she fell with her head on\\nmy shoulder. The terrible effort she had just made in\\nspeaking to me so bitterly had crushed her. Instead\\nof an outraged mistress, I suddenly found in her only\\na plaintive and suffering child. Her eyes were closed\\nI threw my arms around her, and she remained motion-\\nless.\\nWhen she regained consciousness, she complained of\\nextreme languor and entreated me in a tender voice to\\nleave her so that she might go to bed. She could\\nscarcely walk I carried her as far as the alcove and\\nlaid her down gently on her bed. There was in her\\nno sign of suffering: she rested from her sorrow as\\nfrom fatigue and did not seem to remember it. Her\\nweak and delicate nature yielded without struggling,\\nand, as she had said herself, I had gone farther than\\nher strength. She held my hand in hers I embraced\\nher our still loving lips were united, as it were, with-\\nout our knowing it, and, on leaving a scene so cruel, she\\nwent to sleep on my heart, smiling as on the first day.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0419.jp2"}, "404": {"fulltext": "346\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nVI\\nBrigitte was asleep. Mute, motionless, I was seated\\nby her pillow. As a husbandman, after a storm, counts\\nthe ears of a devastated field, so I began to go down\\ninto myself and to sound the evil that I had done.\\nI had no sooner thought of it than I deemed it irre-\\nparable. Certain sufferings, by their very excess, warn\\nus of their close, and the more shame and remorse I\\nfelt, the more I felt that, after such a scene, there\\nremained nothing but to bid each other adieu. What-\\never courage Brigitte might have, she had drunk to the\\nvery dregs the bitter cup of her sad love if I did not\\nwish to see her die, it was necessary that she should\\nrest from it. It had often happened that she had\\nmade me cruel reproaches, and hitherto she had, per-\\nhaps, put more wrath into them than this time; but\\nnow, what she had said to me was no longer vain words\\ndictated by offended pride, it was the truth which, re-\\npressed in the depths of her heart, had broken it, in\\norder to leave it. The circumstances in which we\\nfound ourselves and my refusal to go away with her\\nrendered, moreover, all hope impossible she would\\nhave liked to pardon, but she would not have had\\nthe strength for it. That very sleep, that passing death\\nof a being who could suffer no more, gave enough", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0420.jp2"}, "405": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n347\\nevidence as to that; that silence, coming all of a sud-\\nden, that sweetness which she had shown on return-\\ning so sadly to life, that pale countenance, and even\\nthat kiss, everything told me that all was over, and\\nthat whatever bond might unite us, I had broken it\\nforever. Just as she was now sleeping, it was clear\\nthat at the first suffering which should come to her\\nfrom me, she would sleep her eternal sleep. The clock\\nstruck, and I felt that the hour that had elapsed was\\nbearing my life away with it.\\nNot wishing to call any one, I had lit Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s lamp;\\nI was looking at that weak glimmer, and my thoughts\\nseemed to float in the shade like its uncertain rays.\\nWhatever I could say or -do, never had the idea of\\nlosing Brigitte as yet presented itself to me. I had a\\nhundred times wanted to leave her but who has loved\\nin this world and does not know what comes of it It\\nwas only despair or emotions of wrath. As well as I\\nknew that I was loved by her, I was quite sure of lov-\\ning her also the invincible necessity had, for the first\\ntime, just arisen between us two. I felt, as it were, a\\ndull languor, in which I distinguished nothing clearly.\\nI was crouched near the alcove, and, though I had seen\\nfrom the first instant the whole extent of my misfortune,\\nI did not feel its suffering. What my mind understood,\\nmy soul, weak and frightened, seemed to push away so\\nas to see nothing of it. \u00e2\u0080\u009cCome,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself,\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cthat is certain I have wished it and I have done it", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0421.jp2"}, "406": {"fulltext": "348\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthere is not the least doubt but that we can no longer\\nlive together I do not want to kill this woman, so I\\nhave no alternative but to leave her. See what is done,\\nI will go away to-morrow.\u00e2\u0080\u009d And, while thus speaking\\nto myself, I thought neither of my wrongs, nor of the\\npast, nor of the future; I remembered neither Smith\\nnor anything whatever at that moment I could not\\nhave said what had brought me there or what I had\\nbeen doing for the past hour. I was looking at the\\nwalls of the room, and I believe that all that took up\\nmy attention was to find by what coach I would go\\naway on the morrow.\\nI remained a rather long time in this state of strange\\ncalm. As a man struck with a dagger feels at first only\\nthe cold of the iron, he still takes a few steps on his\\nway, and, stupefied, his eyes wandering, he asks himself\\nwhat is happening to him but gradually the blood\\ncomes drop by drop, the wound opens and lets it flow\\nthe ground is stained with a dark purple, death comes\\nthe man, on its approach, shudders with horror and falls\\nthunderstruck. Thus, apparently tranquil, I was listen-\\ning to misfortune coming; I repeated in a low voice\\nwhat Brigitte had said to me, and I was arranging\\naround her all that I knew from habit that they pre-\\npared for her for the night then I looked at her, next I\\nwent to the window and I remained there with my brow\\npressed to the panes face to face with a great dark and\\nheavy sky; then I returned to the bedside. To leave", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0422.jp2"}, "407": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n349\\nto-morrow was my only thought, and gradually that\\nword to leave became intelligible to me \u00e2\u0080\u009cAh God\\nI suddenly exclaimed, \u00e2\u0080\u009cmy poor mistress, I am losing\\nyou, and I have not known how to love you\\nAt these words I started, as if it had been another\\nperson who had pronounced them; they resounded in\\nmy whole being, as does a gust of wind on a tuned harp\\nthat it is going to break. In an instant two years of suf-\\nfering passed through my heart, and after them, as their\\nconsequence and their final expression, the present laid\\nhold of me. How shall I describe such a sorrow By\\na single word, perhaps, for those who have loved. I had\\ntaken hold of Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hand, and, no doubt dreaming\\nin her sleep, she had pronounced my name.\\nI arose and walked through the room a torrent of\\ntears flowed from my eyes. I extended my arms as if to\\nlay hold of all that past that was escaping from me. Is\\nit possible? I repeated what I am losing you? I\\ncan love only you. What you are going away? it is\\nall over forever What you, my life, my adored mis-\\ntress, you are flying from me, I shall not see you again\\nNever, never I said aloud and, addressing Brigitte\\nasleep, as if she had been able to hear me: \u00e2\u0080\u009cNever,\\nnever, do not count on it never will I consent to it\\nand what is it, then? why so much pride? Is there no\\nlonger any means of making reparation for the offence\\nthat I have given to you I entreat you, let us search\\ntogether. Have you not forgiven me a thousand times", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0423.jp2"}, "408": {"fulltext": "35\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nBut you love me, you could not leave, and courage will\\nfail you. What do you want us to do, then\\nA horrible, terrifying madness suddenly took posses-\\nsion of me I walked this way and that, speaking at\\nrandom, seeking on the furniture some instrument of\\ndeath. I fell at last on my knees and I struck my head\\nagainst the bed. Brigitte moved, and I stopped at once.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cIf I woke her up! I said to myself, shuddering.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhat are you doing, then, poor madman? Let her\\nsleep until daylight; you have still one night to see\\nher.\\nI resumed my place I was so much afraid that\\nBrigitte would awaken that I scarcely dared to breathe.\\nMy heart seemed to have stopped at the same time as\\nmy tears. I remained chilled with a cold that made me\\ntremble, and as if to force myself to silence Look at\\nher,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, look at her, that is still allowed\\nto thee.\\nI at last succeeded in calming myself, and I felt\\nsweeter tears flowing slowly down my cheeks. To the\\nmadness that I had felt, tenderness succeeded. It\\nseemed to me that a plaintive cry was rending the air;\\nI leaned on the pillow and I looked at Brigitte, as if for\\nthe last time my good angel had told me to engrave in\\nmy soul the imprint of her cherished features\\nHow pale she was Her long pupils, surrounded by\\na bluish circle, still shone, moist with tears; her figure,\\nformerly so slight, was crouched as if under a burden", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0424.jp2"}, "409": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n351\\nher cheek, haggard and ash-colored, rested on her spare\\nhand, on her weak and trembling arm her brow seemed\\nto bear the imprint of that diadem of blood-stained\\nthorns with which resignation is crowned. I remem-\\nbered the cabin. How young she was, six months ago\\nhow gay, free, careless she was! What had I done with\\nall that? It seemed to me that an unknown voice re-\\npeated to me an old romance which I had long since\\nforgotten\\nAltra volta gieri biele,\\nBlanch\u00e2\u0080\u0099 e rossa com\u00e2\u0080\u0099 un\u00e2\u0080\u0099 flore,\\nMa ora no. Non son piii biele,\\nConsumatis dal\u00e2\u0080\u0099 amore.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nIt was the old romance of my first mistress, and this\\nmelancholy dialect to me seemed clear for the first time.\\nI repeated it as if I had done nothing until then but\\npreserve it in my memory without understanding it.\\nWhy had I learned it and why did I remember it She\\nwas there, my faded flower, ready to die, consumed by\\nlove.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cLook at her,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself, sobbing; \u00e2\u0080\u009clook at\\nher Think of those who complain that their mistresses\\ndo not love them thine loves thee, she has belonged to\\nthee and thou art losing her, and hast not known how\\nto love her.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBut grief was too strong I arose and walked again.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I continued, \u00e2\u0080\u009clook at her; think of those", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0425.jp2"}, "410": {"fulltext": "35 2\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nwhom weariness is devouring and who go their way to\\ndrag out afar off a sorrow that is not shared. The evils\\nthat thou art suffering, others have suffered, and nothing\\nin thee has remained unique. Think of those who are\\nliving without mother, without relatives, without dog,\\nwithout friends; of those who are seeking and do not\\nfind, of those who are weeping and whom people mock,\\nof those who love and whom people contemn, of those\\nwho die and are forgotten. In thy presence, there, in\\nthat alcove, is resting a being whom nature had, per-\\nhaps, formed for thee. From the highest spheres of the\\nintellect to the most impenetrable mysteries of matter\\nand form, that soul and that body are thy brethren; for\\nthe past six months thy mouth has not spoken, thy\\nheart has not beaten once, but a word, a heart-beat, has\\nanswered thee and that woman whom God sent thee,\\nas He sends the dew to the grass, she will have done\\nnothing but glide upon thy heart. That creature who,\\nin the face of Heaven, had come with open arms to give\\nthee her life and her soul, she will have vanished like a\\nshadow, and there will not remain merely the trace of\\nher appearance. Whilst thy lips were touching hers,\\nwhilst thine arms were clasped around her neck, whilst\\nthe angels of eternal love were interlacing thee as a\\nsingle being with the blood-bonds of lust, you were\\nfarther from each other than two exiles at the two\\nextremities of the earth, separated by the whole world.\\nLook at her, and, above all, be silent. Thou hast", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0426.jp2"}, "411": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n353\\nstill one night to see her if thy sobs do not awake\\nher.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nGradually my brain was excited and ideas ever more\\nand more sombre moved me and frightened me, an\\nirresistible power dragged me on to go down into\\nmyself.\\nTo do evil such, then, was the role that Providence\\nhad imposed upon me I, do evil I to whom my con-\\nscience, in the midst of my very madness, said, how-\\never, that I was good I whom a pitiless destiny was\\nincessantly dragging on ever farther into an abyss and\\nto whom, at the same time, a secret horror was inces-\\nsantly showing the depth of that abyss into which I was\\nfalling I who everywhere, in spite of everything, had\\nI committed a crime and shed the blood of those hands\\nthere, would have again repeated to myself that my\\nheart was not guilty, that I was deceiving myself, that\\nit was not I who was acting thus, but my destiny, my\\nevil genius, I do not know what being who dwelt in\\nmine, but which was not born there I, do evil For\\nsix months past I had performed this task not a day\\nhad elapsed that I had not labored at that impious work,\\nand I had at that very moment the proof of it before\\nmy eyes. The man who had loved Brigitte, who had\\noffended her, then insulted, then abandoned her, left\\nher to take her up again, filled with fears, besieged\\nby suspicions, thrown at last on that bed of sorrow on\\nwhich I saw her stretched, it was I I struck my heart", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0427.jp2"}, "412": {"fulltext": "354\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nand, on seeing her, I could not believe in it. I looked\\nupon Brigitte; I touched her as if to make sure that I\\nwas not deceived by a dream. My poor countenance,\\nwhich I perceived in the glass, looked at me with\\nastonishment. What, then, was that creature that ap-\\npeared to me under my features what, then, was that\\npitiless man who was blaspheming with my mouth and\\ntorturing with my hands Was it he whom my mother\\ncalled Octave? was it he whom formerly, at fifteen,\\namong the woods and in the meadows, I had seen in the\\nclear fountains over which I leaned with a pure heart,\\npure as the crystal of their waters?\\nI shut my eyes and I thought of the days of my child-\\nhood. Like a ray of sunshine that pierced a cloud, a\\nthousand memories passed through my heart. No,\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI said to myself, I have not done that. All that sur-\\nrounds me in this room is only an impossible dream.\\nI recalled the time when I w*as ignorant, when I felt my\\nheart open on my first steps in life. I remembered an old\\nbeggar who was sitting down on a stone bench in front\\nof a farm-house door, and to whom they sometimes sent\\nme, in the morning, after breakfast, to take the remains\\nof our repast. I saw him reaching out his wrinkled\\nhands, feeble and bent, blessing me as he smiled. I\\nfelt the morning wind glide over my temples, I know not\\nwhat dew-like freshness fell from Heaven into my soul.\\nThen all of a sudden I reopened my eyes, and I found\\nagain, by the glimmer of the lamp, the reality before me.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0428.jp2"}, "413": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n355\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd thou dost not believe thyself guilty?\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nasked myself with horror. \u00e2\u0080\u009cO corrupt apprentice of\\nyesterday because thou weepest, thou believest thyself\\ninnocent? what thou takest for the testimony of thy\\nconscience is perhaps only remorse and what murderer\\ndoes not experience it If thy virtue calls out to thee\\nthat she is suffering, who tells thee that it is not because\\nshe feels as if she were dying O wretched man those\\nfar-off voices that thou hearest groan in thy heart, thou\\nbelievest that they are sobs it is perhaps only the cry of\\nthe sea-mew, the funereal bird of the storm, which the\\nshipwreck is calling to it. Who has never related to\\nthee the childhood of those who die covered with blood\\nThey also were good in their day they also lay their\\nhands on their countenances to remember it sometimes.\\nThou doest evil and thou repentest of it Nero did,\\nwhen he slew his mother. Who, then, has told thee that\\ntears wash us\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd indeed were it so, were it that a part of thy\\nsoul shall never belong to evil, what wilt thou do with\\nthe other which will belong to it? Thou wilt stroke\\nwith thy left hand the wounds that thy right hand will\\nopen thou wilt make a shroud of thy virtue to bury thy\\ncrimes in it thou wilt strike, and, like Brutus, thou wilt\\nengrave Plato\u00e2\u0080\u0099s gabble on thy sword. As for the being\\nwho will open her arms to thee, thou wilt plunge into\\nthe bottom of her heart that boastful and already repent-\\nant weapon thou wilt lead to the cemetery the remains", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0429.jp2"}, "414": {"fulltext": "35 6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nof thy passion and thou wilt scatter on their tomb the\\nleaves of the sterile flower of thy pity thou wilt say to\\nthose who will see thee: \u00e2\u0080\u0098What do you mean? they\\nhave taught me to kill, and remark how I am still weep-\\ning for it and how God had made me better. Thou\\nwilt speak of thy youth, thou wilt persuade thyself that\\nHeaven ought to pardon thee, that thy misfortunes are\\ninvoluntary, and thou wilt plead with thy nights of\\nsleeplessness that they leave thee some little rest.\\nBut who knows? thou art still young. The more\\nthou wilt trust in thy heart, the more thy pride will lead\\nthee astray. Behold thee to-day in the presence of the\\nfirst ruin that thou art going to leave on thy way. Let\\nBrigitte die to-morrow, thou wilt weep over her coffin\\nwhither wilt thou go on leaving her? Thou wilt go\\naway for three months, perhaps, and thou wilt take a\\njourney into Italy thou wilt envelop thyself in thy\\ncloak like an Englishman troubled with the spleen, and\\nthou wilt say to thyself some fine morning, in the\\nrecesses of an inn, after drinking, that thy remorse is\\nappeased and that it is time to forget in order to live\\nagain. Thou who beginnest to weep too late, beware\\nlest, one day, thou weepest no more. Who knows let\\npeople come and banter thee about those sorrows thou\\nbelievest thou hast felt one day, at the ball, let a\\npretty woman smile from pity when they shall tell her\\nthat thou rememberest a dead mistress; mightest thou\\nnot derive some glory and take pride all of a sudden", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0430.jp2"}, "415": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n357\\nin what is rending thy heart to-day When the pres-\\nent, which makes thee shudder and which thou darest\\nnot look in the face, shall have become the past, an\\nold story, a confused memory, mightest thou not, per-\\nchance, throw thyself some evening on thy chair, at a\\nsupper of debauchees, and relate, with a smile on thy\\nlips, what thou hast seen with tears in thine eyes It is\\nthus that one drinks every shame, it is thus that one\\nwalks here below. Thou hast begun by being good,\\nthou art weak, and thou wilt be wicked.\\n4 4 My poor friend,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to myself from the bottom\\nof my heart, I have some counsel to give thee it is,\\nthat I believe that it is necessary for thee to die. Whilst\\nthou art good at this hour, profit by it to be no longer\\nwicked whilst a woman whom thou lovest is there,\\ndying, on that bed, and whilst thou feelest horror of\\nthyself, extend thy hand over her breast; she is still\\nliving, it is enough; shut thine eyes and open them\\nno more do not attend her funeral, lest to-morrow\\nthou be not consoled for it give thyself a dagger-stab\\nwhilst the heart that thou bearest still loves the God\\nwho made it. Is it thy youth that stops thee and is\\nwhat thou wilt spare the color of thy hair Never let\\nit grow white if it is not white to-night.\\nAnd besides, what dost thou mean to do in the\\nworld If thou leavest, whither dost thou go What\\ndost thou hope for, if thou remainest Ah is it not\\nthat while looking at that woman it seems to thee that", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0431.jp2"}, "416": {"fulltext": "358\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthou hast in thy heart a whole treasure still buried? Is\\nit not that what thou art losing is less what was than\\nwhat might have been, and that the worst of adieus is\\nto feel that one has not said everything? That thou\\nhadst spoken an hour ago While the hand was at\\nthat place, thou couldst still be happy. If thou suf-\\nferedst, that thou hadst opened thy soul if thou lovedst,\\nthat thou hadst said so Behold thee, like the miser,\\ndying of hunger on his treasure; thou hast shut the\\ndoor, O miser; thou art debating with thyself behind\\nthy bolts. Throw them back, then, they are solid it\\nis thy hand that has forged them. O madman who\\nhast desired and who hast possessed thy desire, thou\\nhadst not thought of God Thou playedst with happi-\\nness as a child with a rattle, and thou didst not reflect\\nhow rare and fragile that was that thou heldest in thy\\nhands thou didst disdain it, thou didst smile at it and\\nthou didst put off enjoying it, and thou didst not count\\nthe prayers which thy good angel made during that time\\nto preserve to thee that shadow of a day. Ah if there\\nbe one of them in Heaven that has ever watched over\\nthee, where is he at this moment He is seated be-\\nfore an organ his wings are half extended, his hands\\nstretched over the ivory key-board; he commences an\\neternal hymn the hymn of love and of immortal forget-\\nfulness. But his knees are unsteady, his wings droop, his\\nhead droops like a broken reed the angel of death has\\ntouched his shoulder, he is disappearing in immensity", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0432.jp2"}, "417": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n359\\nAnd thou, it is at twenty-two that thou remainest\\nalone upon the earth, when a noble and elevated love,\\nwhen the strength of youth were going, perhaps, to\\nmake something of thee When after such long fits\\nof weariness, of sorrows so smarting, so many acts of\\nirresolution, a youth so dissipated, thou couldst see rise\\nover thee a tranquil and pure day when thy life, de-\\nvoted to an adored being, might be filled with a new\\nsap, it is at this moment that everything is spoiled and\\nvanishes before thee Behold thee, no longer with\\nvague desires, but with real regrets the heart no longer\\nempty, but depopulated And thou hesitatest What\\nart thou waiting for Since she wants no more of thy\\nlife, let thy life no longer count for anything. Since\\nshe is leaving thee, leave thou also. Let those who loved\\nthy youth weep over thee they are not numerous. He\\nwho was mute beside Brigitte ought to remain mute for-\\never Let him who passed over her heart at least keep\\na trace of it intact Oh God if thou wishest still\\nto live, would it not be necessary to efface it? What\\nother course would remain to thee, in order to preserve\\nthy miserable breath, but to finish corrupting it? Yes,\\nnow, thy life is at this price. It would be necessary for\\nthee, in order to bear it, not only to forget love, but to\\nunlearn that it exists not only to renounce what has\\nbeen good in thee, but to slay what still can be so for\\nwhat wouldst thou do if thou didst remember it? Thou\\nwouldst not take a step on earth, thou wouldst not laugh,", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0433.jp2"}, "418": {"fulltext": "3 6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthou wouldst not weep, thou wouldst not give alms to the\\npoor man, thou couldst not be good for a quarter of an\\nhour without thy blood, flowing back to the heart, call-\\ning out to thee that God had made thee good so that\\nBrigitte might be happy. Thy least actions would re-\\nsound in thee, and, like sonorous echoes, would make\\nthy misfortunes groan in it; everything that would\\nmove thy soul would awaken a regret there, and hope,\\nthat celestial messenger, that holy friend that invites us\\nto live, would itself be changed for thee into an inex-\\norable phantom and would become the twin brother\\nof the past all thy attempts to lay hold of anything\\nwould only yield a long repentance. When the homicide\\nwalks beneath the shadow, he holds his hands clasped\\non his breast, in dread of touching anything and that\\nthe walls may accuse him. It is thus that it would be\\nnecessary for thee to act choose for thy soul or for thy\\nbody thou must slay one of the two. The memory of\\ngood sends thee to evil, make of thyself a corpse if\\nthou dost not want to be thine own ghost. O child,\\nchild die honest let some one be able to weep on\\nthy tomb\\nI threw myself on the foot of the bed, full of a\\ndespair so frightful that my reason abandoned me and\\nthat I no longer knew where I was or what I was doing.\\nBrigitte heaved a sigh, and, removing the sheet that\\ncovered her, as if oppressed with an irksome weight, she\\nuncovered her white and naked bosom.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0434.jp2"}, "419": {"fulltext": "IJart jfiftf) Chapter m\\nhad brought the knife that I was holding close to\\nBrigitte s boso?n threw back the sheet to un-\\ncover the heart and I perceived between the two white\\nbreasts a small ebony crucifix.\\nI drew back struck with fear my ha7id opened and\\nthe weapon fell.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0435.jp2"}, "420": {"fulltext": "Zfc SS s\\\\\\\\ Vfci\\\\\\n-ms cA z vsmA\\\\ wqzq$ zSttY^rtfi\\n^YuVss ws\\\\ m\\\\\\\\ uravutaA Wwjit^ ^$v ,V*sft\\n.\u00e2\u0096\u00a0$.$V\u00c2\u00bb\\\\m W^nsz a z\\\\zsm$\\ntasn^p \\\\*tsy?Y. Ysv\u00c2\u00bb taurto ,fos^ \\\\ss$*b\\n.\\\\\\\\$Y_ j 5^ms", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0436.jp2"}, "421": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0437.jp2"}, "422": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0438.jp2"}, "423": {"fulltext": "E.A\u00e2\u0080\u0099bot so", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0441.jp2"}, "424": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0442.jp2"}, "425": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n3 61\\nAt this sight all my senses were deeply stirred. Was\\nit sorrow or desire? I do not know. A horrible\\nthought had made me shudder suddenly. What I\\nsaid, \u00e2\u0080\u009cto leave that to another! to die, to go down\\ninto the earth, while that white breast will breathe the\\nair of the firmament? Just God! another hand than\\nmine on that fine and transparent skin another mouth\\non those lips and another love in that heart Another\\nman here at this pillow Brigitte happy, living, adored,\\nand I in the corner of a cemetery, falling into dust at\\nthe bottom of a grave How long ere she forgets\\nme if to-morrow I no longer exist How many tears\\nnone, perhaps Not a friend, no one who approaches\\nher, who does not say to her that my death is a blessing,\\nwho does not hurry to console her for it, who does not\\nentreat her not to think of it any more If she weeps,\\nthey will distract her; if a reminder strikes her, they\\nwill set it aside; if her love survives me in her, they\\nwill cure her of it as of a poisoning and she herself,\\nwho on the first day will perhaps say that she wants to\\nfollow me, will turn away in a month so as not to see\\nfrom afar the weeping willow that they will have planted\\non my grave Why should it be otherwise Whom\\ndoes one regret when one is so beautiful She would\\nlike to die of grief, but that fine bosom would say\\nto her that it needs to live and a mirror would per-\\nsuade her of it and the day on which the dried-up\\ntears will make way for the first smile, who will not", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0443.jp2"}, "426": {"fulltext": "362\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\ncongratulate her, convalescent from her grief? Then,\\nafter a week\u00e2\u0080\u0099s silence, she will begin to endure people\\npronouncing my name in her presence, then she will\\nspeak of it herself while looking languishingly as if\\nto say Console me then gradually she will have\\ncome to this: no longer to avoid my memory, but to\\nspeak no more of it, and she will open her windows, on\\nfine spring mornings, when the birds sing in the dew\\nthen when she will become dreamy and when she will\\nsay: f I have loved! who will be there, along-\\nside of her? who will dare to answer her that it is\\nnecessary to love again Ah then I shall be there no\\nlonger Thou wilt listen to him, faithless one thou\\nwilt bend, blushing, like a rose that is going to open,\\nand thy beauty and thy youth will mount to thy brow.\\nWhile saying that thy heart is closed, thou wilt let\\nemerge from it that fresh aureola, each ray of which\\ncalls for a kiss. How much they wish to be loved,\\nthose who say that they love no longer And is it\\nastonishing? Thou art a woman; that body, that ala-\\nbaster throat, thou knowest what they are worth, some\\none has told it to thee; when thou concealest them\\nunder thy dress, thou dost not believe, like virgins,\\nthat everybody resembles thee, and thou knowest the\\nprice of thy modesty. How can the woman who has\\nbeen extolled resolve to be so no longer? does she\\nbelieve herself alive if she remains in the shade and if\\nthere be silence around her beauty Her very beauty", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0444.jp2"}, "427": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n363\\nis the praise and the look of her lover. No, no, it\\nmust not be doubted he who has loved, no longer\\nlives without love he who learns of a death, clings to\\nlife. Brigitte loves me, and would perhaps die of it\\nI shall kill myself, and another will have her.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnother, another!\u00e2\u0080\u009d I repeated as I leaned over,\\nresting on the bed, and my brow brushed her shoulder.\\nIs she not a widow I thought \u00e2\u0080\u009chas she not already\\nseen death? have not those delicate little hands cared\\nfor and buried? Her tears know how long they last,\\nand the second last not so long. Ah God preserve\\nme while she sleeps, what matters it if I slay her? If\\nI woke her up now and if I told her that her hour had\\ncome and that we were going to die in a last kiss, she\\nwould accept. What matters it to me? Is it certain,\\nthen, that everything does not end there?\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nI had found a knife on the table and I was holding it\\nin my hand.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cFear, cowardice, superstition! what do they know\\nof it, those who say so. It is for the people and the\\nignorant that they speak to us of another life, but who\\nbelieves in it in the bottom of his heart What guar-\\ndian of our cemeteries has seen a dead man leave his\\ntomb and go and knock at the priest\u00e2\u0080\u0099s door? It was of\\nold that people saw ghosts the police forbade them in\\nour civilized cities, and there no longer spring from the\\nbosom of the earth but living persons buried in haste.\\nWho could have made death mute if it had ever spoken", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0445.jp2"}, "428": {"fulltext": "364\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nIs it because processions have no longer the right to\\nencumber our streets, that the celestial spirit allows itself\\nto forget? To die, that is the end, the object. God\\nhas laid it down, men discuss it but each bears written\\non the brow 1 Do what thou wilt, thou shalt die.\\nWhat would they say of it, if I killed Brigitte Neither\\nshe nor I would hear anything of it. There would be\\nto-morrow in a newspaper that Octave de T had\\nkilled his mistress, and the day after one would no\\nlonger speak of it. Who would follow us in the last\\nescort? No one who, on returning home, would not\\nbreakfast peacefully and we, stretched side by side in\\nthe heart of that mud of a day, the world might walk\\nover us without the noise of their footsteps awaking us.\\nIs it not true, my dearly beloved, is it not true that we\\nshould be well there It is a downy bed, the earth\\nno suffering would reach us there; they would not\\ngabble in the neighboring tombs, of our union before\\nGod our bones would embrace each other in peace and\\nwithout pride death is a consoler, and what it joins\\nis not loosed. Why should oblivion frighten thee,\\npoor body that is promised to it? Each hour that\\nstrikes draws thee to it, each step that thou takest,\\nbreaks the rung on which thou hast just supported thy-\\nself; thou feedest only on dead bodies; the air of\\nHeaven bears thee down and crushes thee, the earth that\\nthou tramplest on draws thee to it by the soles of thy\\nfeet. Descend, descend why so much dread Is it a", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0446.jp2"}, "429": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n365\\nword that gives you horror? Say only \u00e2\u0080\u0098We will live\\nno more.\u00e2\u0080\u0099 Is there not in life a great fatigue from\\nwhich it is sweet to rest How does it happen that one\\nhesitates, if there be only the difference between a little\\nsooner and a little later Matter is imperishable, and\\nphysicists, they tell us, infinitely torture the smallest\\ngrain of dust without ever being able to annihilate it.\\nIf matter be the property of chance, what evil does it\\ndo in changing tortures, since it cannot change masters?\\nWhat matters to God the form that I have received and\\nwhat livery is worn by my sorrow? Suffering lives in\\nmy cranium it belongs to me, I kill it but the skele-\\nton does not belong to me, and I give it back to Him\\nwho lent it to me let a poet make of it a cup from\\nwhich he will drink his new wine What reproach\\ncan I incur, and who would make that reproach to me\\nWhat inflexible judge will come to tell me what I have\\nabused? What does he know of it? Was he in me?\\nIf each creature has his task to perform, and if it is a\\ncrime to shirk it, what great culprits, then, are the chil-\\ndren who die on the nurse\u00e2\u0080\u0099s bosom? why are those\\nspared? For what would the lesson serve of accounts\\nrendered after death? It would be necessary, indeed,\\nthat Heaven should be deserted in order that man be\\npunished for having lived, for it is enough that he has to\\nlive, and I know not who has asked for it, if not Voltaire\\non his death-bed worthy and last cry of powerlessness\\nfrom a desperate old atheist. What is the use? why so", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0447.jp2"}, "430": {"fulltext": "366\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nmany struggles? who, then, is above, who is looking at\\nand who is pleased with so many agonies? who, then,\\nmakes merry and stands idle at that spectacle of a crea-\\ntion ever nascent and ever moribund? to build, forsooth,\\nand the grass grows to plant, and the thunder falls to\\nmarch, and death calls Hold to weep, and the tears\\nare dried to love, and the countenance is wrinkled to\\npray, to prostrate, to supplicate, and to extend the arms,\\nand the harvests have not a blade of wheat the more\\nWho is it, then, who has done so much for the pleasure\\nof knowing all alone that what he has done is nothing\\nThe earth is dying. Herschel says that it is from cold\\nwho, then, holds in his hand that drop of condensed\\nvapor and looks at it drying up, as a fisherman does with\\na little sea-water, so as to get a grain of salt from it\\nThat great law of attraction which suspends the world\\nin its place uses it and gnaws it in an endless desire\\neach planet bears its own miseries while creaking on its\\naxle they are called from one end of the heavens to the\\nother, and, uneasy of rest, seek which will be the first\\nto stop. God holds them in check; they assiduously\\nand eternally accomplish their void and useless labor\\nthey turn, they suffer, they burn, they are extinguished\\nand are lighted, they descend and remount, they follow\\none another and shun one another, they interlace like\\nrings; they carry on their surface thousands of beings\\nrenewed incessantly; those beings are agitated, cross\\none another also, are pressed for an hour, some against", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0448.jp2"}, "431": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n367\\nthe others, then fall, and others rise where life is want-\\ning, it hastens where the air feels the void, it precipi-\\ntates itself not a disorder, everything is regulated,\\nmarked, written in lines of gold and in parabolas of fire,\\neverything marches to the sound of the celestial music\\non pitiless paths and forever and all that is nothing\\nAnd we, poor nameless dreams, pale and sorrowful\\nappearances, imperceptible ephemera, we whom one\\nanimates with momentary breath, that death may\\nexist, we exhaust ourselves with fatigue to prove to\\nourselves that we are playing a part and that some-\\nthing indescribable takes notice of us. We hesitate\\nto draw on our breast a little instrument of iron and\\nto knock off our heads with a shrug of the shoulders\\nit seems that if we kill ourselves, chaos is going to\\nbe re-established; we have written and drawn up the\\ndivine and human laws, and we are afraid of our cate-\\nchisms; we suffer for thirty years without murmuring,\\nand we believe that we are struggling; at last, suffer-\\ning is the stronger, we send a pinch of powder into the\\nsanctuary of the intellect, and there grows a flower on\\nour tomb.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nAs I finished these words, I had brought the knife\\nthat I was holding close to Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s bosom. I was no\\nlonger master of myself, and I do not know, in my\\ndelirium, what might have come of it I threw back the\\nsheet to uncover the heart, and I perceived between the\\ntwo white breasts a small ebony crucifix.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0449.jp2"}, "432": {"fulltext": "3 68\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI drew back, struck with fear my hand opened and\\nthe weapon fell. It was Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s aunt, who, on her\\ndeath-bed, had given that little crucifix to her. I did\\nnot remember, however, having ever seen it on her no\\ndoubt, at the moment of leaving, she had hung it on\\nher neck, as a relic preservative from the dangers of\\ntravel. I joined my hands all of a sudden and felt\\nmyself bend towards the floor. \u00e2\u0080\u009cLord my God,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I\\nsaid trembling, Lord my God, you were there\\nLet those who do not believe in Christ read this page\\nneither did I believe in Him. Neither as a child, nor\\nat college, nor as a man, had I frequented the churches\\nmy religion, if I had one, had neither rite nor creed,\\nand I believed only in a God without form, without\\nworship, and without revelation. Poisoned, from ado-\\nlescence, with all the writings of the last century, I had\\nearly sucked from them the sterile milk of impiety.\\nHuman pride, that God of the egoist, closed my mouth\\nto prayer, while my frightened soul took refuge in the\\nhope of nothingness. I was as if intoxicated and mad\\nwhen I saw the Christ on Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s bosom but, though\\nnot believing in Him myself, I drew back, knowing that\\nshe believed in Him. It was not a vain terror that at\\nthat moment stopped my hand. Who saw me I was\\nalone, at night. Was there thought of the prejudices\\nof the world who prevented me from taking my eyes\\naway from that piece of black wood I could throw it\\ninto the ashes, but it was my weapon that I threw there.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0450.jp2"}, "433": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n3 6 9\\nAh how I felt it in my very soul, and how I feel it\\neven now what wretches are the men who have ever\\nmade a mockery of what can save a being What\\nmatter the name, the form, the belief? Is not all that\\nis good sacred Why do people dare to touch God\\nAs at a beam of the sun the snow descends from the\\nmountains, and from the glacier that menaced the\\nheavens issues a stream which reaches the valley, so\\ndescended into my heart a spring that spread. Repent-\\nance is a pure incense; it was exhaled from all my\\nsuffering. Though I had almost committed a crime, as\\nsoon as my hand was disarmed, I felt my heart inno-\\ncent. A single instant had given back to me calm,\\nstrength, and reason I advanced anew towards the\\nalcove I leaned over my idol and I kissed her crucifix.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cSleep in peace,\u00e2\u0080\u009d I said to her, **\u00e2\u0080\u0098God is watching\\nover thee Whilst a dream was making thee smile, thou\\nhast just escaped the greatest danger that thou hast run\\nin thy life. But the hand that menaced thee will not do\\nevil to any one I swear it by thy Christ, Himself, I will\\nkill neither you nor myself! I am a fool, a madman,\\na child who believed himself a man. God be praised\\nthou art young and living, and thou art beautiful, and\\nthou wilt forget me. Thou wilt get well of the evil\\nthat I have done thee, if thou canst pardon it. Sleep\\nin peace until daylight, Brigitte, and then decide our\\ndestiny; whatever be the sentence that thou pro-\\nnouncest, I will submit to it without a murmur. And", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0451.jp2"}, "434": {"fulltext": "37\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nThou, Jesus, who hast saved her, forgive me, do not tell\\nit to her. I was born in an impious age, and I have\\nmuch to expiate. Poor Son of God whom people forget,\\nthey did not teach me to love Thee. I have never\\nsought Thee in the temples but, thank Heaven, where\\nI find Thee, I have not yet learned not to tremble.\\nOnce before dying I shall at least have kissed with my\\nlips a heart that is full of Thee. Protect it as long as\\nit may breathe remain there, holy safeguard remem-\\nber that an unhappy man has not dared to die of his\\ngrief on seeing Thee nailed to Thy cross an impious\\nman Thou hast saved from evil if he had believed,\\nThou wouldst have consoled him. Pardon those who\\nhave made him an unbeliever, since Thou hast made\\nhim repentant pardon all those who blaspheme they\\nhave never seen Thee, no doubt, when they were in\\ndespair Human joys are mockeries, they pitilessly dis-\\ndain O Christ the fortunate ones of this world think\\nthey never have need of Thee pardon when their\\npride outrages Thee, their tears baptize them sooner or\\nlater pity them for believing themselves sheltered from\\nstorm and for having need of the severe lessons of mis-\\nfortune, in order to come to Thee. Our wisdom and\\nour skepticism are in our hands the great playthings of\\nchildren pardon us for dreaming that we are impious,\\nThou who didst smile on Golgotha. Of all our miseries\\nof an hour, the worst is, for our vanities, that they try\\nto forget Thee. But, Thou seest, they are only shadows", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0452.jp2"}, "435": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n37i\\nthat a look from Thee banishes. Thyself, hast Thou\\nnot been a man It was sorrow that made Thee God\\nit was an instrument of punishment that served Thee to\\nascend to Heaven and that bore Thee with open arms\\ninto the bosom of Thy glorious Father; and we, it is\\nalso sorrow that leads us to Thee, as it led Thee to Thy\\nFather; we come only crowned with thorns to bow\\nbefore Thy image we touch Thy bleeding feet only\\nwith blood-stained hands, and Thou hast suffered mar-\\ntyrdom to be loved by the unfortunate.\\nThe first rays of dawn were beginning to appear\\neverything was gradually awakening, and the air was\\nfilled with distant and confused noises. Weak and ex-\\n\u00e2\u0080\u00a2a\\nhausted from fatigue, I was going to leave Brigitte so\\nas to take a little rest. As I was going out, a dress\\nthrown on an arm-chair slipped to the floor near me,\\nand there fell from it a folded paper. I picked it up\\nit was a letter, and I recognized Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hand. The\\nenvelope was not sealed, and I opened it and read what\\nfollows\\nDecember 23, 18\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhen you receive this letter, I shall be far from\\nyou, and perhaps you will never receive it. My destiny\\nis bound up with that of a man to whom I have sacrificed\\neverything for him, to live without me is impossible,\\nand I am going to try and die for him. I love you\\nadieu, pity us.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0453.jp2"}, "436": {"fulltext": "372\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nI turned over the paper after having read it, and I\\nsaw on the address\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cTo Monsieur Henri Smith, at N Poste Res-\\ntante.\\nVII\\nNext day, at noon, in a fine December sun, a young\\nman and a woman who were linked arm in arm crossed\\nthe Palais-Royal garden. They entered a jeweler\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nshop, where they chose two rings that were alike, and,\\nexchanging them with a smile, put one on each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s\\nfinger. After a short walk they went to have breakfast\\nat the Freres Provencaux in one of those little upper\\nrooms from which one discovers, in all its entirety, one\\nof the most beautiful places in the world. There, shut\\nup in familiar converse, when the waiter had retired,\\nthey were elbow to elbow at the window and gently\\npressed each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hands. The young man was in\\ntraveling costume; seeing the joy that appeared on his\\ncountenance, one would have taken him for a newly-\\nmarried man showing for the first time to his young\\nwife the life and pleasures of Paris. His gayety was\\nsweet and calm as always is that of happiness. He\\nwho had experience would have recognized the child", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0454.jp2"}, "437": {"fulltext": "$art .ififtl) (Chapter UM\\nAn hour afterwards a post-chaise passed over a little\\nhill behind the Fontainebleau barrier. The young man\\nwas there alone he looked for a last time at his natal\\ncity in the^ distance and thanked God for having per-\\nmitted that of three beings who had suffered through\\nhis fault but one remained unhappy.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0455.jp2"}, "438": {"fulltext": "5-Ff\\nft *wsft W.zft i$ftta-to.ft ft itaivsraSyp\\nNftw mV\\\\ .^Vrtft^ ftft^\\\\^^mft\\\\^ft\\\\ t Ym\\\\\\n\\\\ft\\\\ftw \\\\ft YisA ft tft\\\\. \\\\^wft\\\\ft Fft w\\n^nVsft^ ?v Vi^wftM \\\\i\u00c2\u00abft ^^ftU\u00e2\u0080\u0099s ft ^s\\\\\\\\ m M^ n\\n^\u00c2\u00bbw\\\\W Yms^vu Y ft q vb i^su^A \\\\ft ^ftiW Y\u00c2\u00bb\\\\Ym\\n.V(^fti\\\\^ft Ws IKVt ,\\\\\\\\ftft\\\\^ $s\\\\", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0456.jp2"}, "439": {"fulltext": "T", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0457.jp2"}, "440": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0458.jp2"}, "441": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0461.jp2"}, "442": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0462.jp2"}, "443": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY 373\\nwho becomes a man and whose more confident look\\nbegins to strengthen the heart. From time to time he\\ncontemplated the heavens, then returned to his love,\\nand tears shone in his eyes but he let them flow down\\nhis cheeks and smiled without wiping them away. The\\nwoman was pale and pensive, she was looking only at\\nher friend. There was on her features, as it were, a\\nprofound suffering which, without her making any efforts\\nto conceal it, did not, however, resist the gayety that\\nshowed itself. When her companion smiled, she smiled\\nalso, but not all alone when he spoke, she answered him,\\nand she ate what he served to her but there was in her\\na silence that seemed to live only at instants. By her\\nlanguor and her indifference one clearly distinguished\\nthat softness of soul, that sleep of the weaker of two\\nbeings who love each other, and one of whom exists\\nonly in the other and is animated only by an echo.\\nThe young man was not deceived in that, and seemed\\nproud and grateful for it but one saw by his very pride\\nthat his happiness was new to him. When the woman\\nsuddenly became sad and drooped her eyes towards the\\nfloor, he strove, in order to reassure her, to assume an\\nopen and resolute air but he could not always succeed\\nin that, and was himself sometimes disturbed. That\\nmingling of strength and weakness, of joy and sorrow,\\nof trouble and serenity, would have been impossible to\\nunderstand on the part of an indifferent spectator one\\ncould have believed them in turn the two happiest", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0463.jp2"}, "444": {"fulltext": "374\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nbeings on earth and the most unhappy; but, being\\nignorant of their secret, one would have felt that they\\nwere suffering together, and, whatever was their mys-\\nterious pain, one saw that they had put on their sorrows\\na seal more powerful than love itself, friendship. Whilst\\nthey were clasping each other\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hand, their looks re-\\nmained chaste though they were alone, they spoke in\\na low voice. As if overwhelmed by their thoughts, they\\nlaid their brows one against the other, and their lips did\\nnot touch each other. They looked at each other with\\na tender and solemn air, like the weak who want to be\\ngood. When the clock struck one, the woman heaved\\na deep sigh, and, turning half around\\nOctave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d she said, if you were mistaken\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo, my dear,\u00e2\u0080\u009d the young man replied, \u00e2\u0080\u009cbe sure of\\nit, I am not mistaken. It will be necessary for you to\\nsuffer a great deal, for a long time perhaps, and for me\\nalways but both of us will get cured of it you by\\ntime, I by God.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cOctave, Octave,\u00e2\u0080\u009d the woman repeated, \u00e2\u0080\u009care you\\nsure of not being mistaken\\nI do not believe, my dear Brigitte, that we could\\nforget ourselves but I believe that at this moment we\\ncannot yet forgive each other, and yet that is what is\\nnecessary at any price, even at never seeing each other\\nagain.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cWhy should we not see each other again? Why\\none day You are so young", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0464.jp2"}, "445": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n375\\nShe added with a smile\\nIn your first love, we will see each other without\\ndanger.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cNo, my friend; for, know it well, I will never see\\nyou again without love. May he to whom I leave you,\\nto whom I give you, be worthy of you Smith is brave,\\ngood, and honest but, whatever love you have for him,\\nyou see clearly that you still love me for, if I wished to\\nremain or to take you away, you would consent to it.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nThat is true,\u00e2\u0080\u009d the woman repeated.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cTrue? true?\u00e2\u0080\u009d replied the young man as he looked\\nat her with his whole soul true, if I wished, you would\\ncome with me\\nThen he continued tenderly\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cFor this reason it is necessary for us never to meet\\nagain. There are certain loves in life that upset the head,\\nthe senses, the mind, and the heart among all of them\\nthere is only one that does not trouble, that penetrates,\\nand that one dies only with the being in whom it has\\ntaken root.\u00e2\u0080\u009d\\nBut you will write to me, however\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cYes, at first for some time, for what I have to suffer\\nis so severe that the absence of every habitual and loved\\nform would kill me now. It is gradually and meas-\\nuredly that, unknown to you, I have approached, not\\nwithout fear, that I have become more familiar, that, in\\nfine Let us not speak of the past. It is gradually\\nthat my letters will be more rare, until the day when", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0465.jp2"}, "446": {"fulltext": "37 6\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A\\nthey will cease. I will thus again go down the hill that\\nI have climbed for a year past. There will be in that a\\ngreat sorrow, and perhaps also some charm. When one\\nstops, in the cemetery, in front of a fresh and verdant\\ngrave, on which are engraved two cherished names, one\\nfeels a sorrow full of mystery that makes the tears flow\\nwithout bitterness it is thus that I sometimes want to\\nremember having been alive.\\nThe woman, at these last words, threw herself into an\\narm-chair and sobbed. The young man melted into\\ntears but he remained motionless and as if not wish-\\ning himself to notice her sorrow. When the tears had\\nceased, he approached his friend, took hold of her hand\\nand kissed it.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cBelieve me,\u00e2\u0080\u009d he said, \u00e2\u0080\u009cto be loved by you, what-\\never be the name that the place bears which one occu-\\npies in your heart, that gives strength and courage.\\nNever doubt it, my Brigitte, no one will understand you\\nbetter than I another will love you more worthily, no\\none will love you more deeply. Another will respect\\nin you qualities that I offend, he will surround you with\\nhis love you will have a better lover, you will not\\nhave a better brother. Give me your hand, and let the\\nworld laugh at a sublime word that it does not under-\\nstand Let us remain friends, and adieu forever.\\nWhen for the first time we clasped each other in our\\narms, a long time had already elapsed since something\\nof ourselves knew that we were going to be united. Let", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0466.jp2"}, "447": {"fulltext": "CHILD OF THE CENTURY\\n377\\nnot this part, which has embraced before God, know\\nthat we are leaving each other on earth let a miserable\\nquarrel of an hour not unbind our eternal happiness\\nHe was holding the woman\u00e2\u0080\u0099s hand she arose, still\\nbathed in tears and, advancing in front of the glass\\nwith a strange smile, she drew out her scissors and cut\\nfrom her head a long tress of hair then she looked at\\nherself for a moment, thus disfigured and deprived of a\\npart of her most beautiful decking, and gave it to her\\nlover.\\nThe clock struck again it was time to go down when\\nthey again passed under the galleries, they appeared as\\njoyous as when they had arrived.\\nThis is a beautiful sun,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said the young man.\\n\u00e2\u0080\u009cAnd a beautiful day,\u00e2\u0080\u009d said Brigitte, \u00e2\u0080\u009cwhich nothing\\nwill efface from there\\nShe struck her heart energetically they hurried on and\\ndisappeared in the crowd. An hour later a post-chaise\\npassed over a little hill, behind the Fontainebleau barrier.\\nThe young man was there alone he looked for a last\\ntime at his natal city in the distance and thanked God\\nfor having permitted that, of three beings who had suf-\\nfered through his fault, but one remained unhappy.\\nNOTES\\n1 The cemetery for executed criminals.\\n2 Formerly I was beautiful, white and red as a flower, but now,\\nno. I am no longer beautiful, consumed with love.", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0467.jp2"}, "448": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0468.jp2"}, "449": {"fulltext": "LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS\\nTHE CONFESSION OF A CHILD OF THE\\nCENTURY\\nPAGE\\nIN Brigitte\u00e2\u0080\u0099s oratory Fronts.\\nSUPPER AFTER THE MASQUERADE 32\\nA TAVERN ACQUAINTANCE 80\\nDESGENAIS\u00e2\u0080\u0099S OFFERING 1 12\\nSUPPER AT DESGENAIS\u00e2\u0080\u0099S 1 36\\nOCTAVE AT HIS FATHER\u00e2\u0080\u0099S DEATHBED 1 52\\nA DECLARATION OF LOVE 200\\nHALTING FOR THE NIGHT 248\\nTHE CRUCIFIX 360\\nTHE DEPARTURE 372\\n379", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0469.jp2"}, "450": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0470.jp2"}, "451": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0471.jp2"}, "452": {"fulltext": "4\\nf", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0472.jp2"}, "453": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4067", "width": "2352", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0473.jp2"}, "454": {"fulltext": "", "height": "4279", "width": "2585", "jp2-path": "confessionofchil00muss_0_0474.jp2"}}