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[Pase '. 
THE FAMOUS RELIEF OP CLEOPATRA AT TEMPLK OF DENDERAH 



As Seen JBy Me 



Lilian Bell 




'^l^ 



^^^ 



Harper 6r Brothers 

New York, and London 
1900 



1778 

TWO COPIES RECEIVED, 

Qfflcii of tb« 

JUN5-)900 . 

SegfsUr of Capyrlrttj, 



acco.ocoPv.^^"7/i7>Z 



By LILIAN BELL. 



^^^/^y/fO^f 



THE INSTINCT OF STEP-FATHERHOOD. A 

Novel. 16mo, Cloth, $1 25. 

A LITTLE SISTER TO THE WILDERNESS. 
A Novel. 16rno, Cloth, $1 25. 

THE LOVE AFFAIRS OF AN OLD MAID. 
16mo, Cloth, $1 25. 

THE UNDER SIDE OF THINGS. 16mo, Cloth, 
$1 25. 

FROM A GIRL'S POINT OF VIEW. 16mo. 
Cloth, ?1 25. 

NRW YORK AND LONDON : 
HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS. 



59321 



Copyright, 1900, by Lilian Bell. 

W// rights reserved. 



^<^ 
>^' 



TO 



THAT MOST INTERESTING SPECK OP HUMANITY, ALL 
PERPETUAL MOTION AND KINDIJNG INTELLIGENCE 
AND SWEETNESS UNSPEAKABLE, MY LITTLE NEPHEW 

BILLY 

ABSENCE FROM WHOM RACKED MY SPIRIT WITH ITS MOST 
UNAPPEASABLE PANGS OF HOMESICKNESS, AND WHOSE 
CONSTANT PRESENCE IN MY STUDY SINCE MY RETURN 
HAS SPARED THE PUBLIC NO SMALL AMOUN^ OP PAIN 



AUTHOK'S APOLOGY 

The frank conceit of the title to this 
book will, I hope, not prejudice my friends 
against it, and will serve not onh^ to excuse 
mj being my own Boswell, but will fasten 
the blame of all inaccuracies, if such there 
be, upon the offender — myself. This is not 
a continuous narrative of a continuous jour- 
ney, but covers two years of travel over 
some thirty thousand miles, and presents 
peoples and things, not as you saw them, 
perhaps, or as they really are, but only 
As Seen By Me. 



CONTENTS 



CHAPTER PAGE 

I. First Letter— On the Way 1 

II. London 17 

III. Paris CO 

IV. On Board the Yacht "IIela" .... 124 
V. ViLNA, Russia 151 

VI. St. Petersburg 1G6 

VII. Russia 178 

VIII. Moscow 191 

IX. Constantinople 204 

X. Cairo 219 

XI. The Nile 234 

XII. Greece 252 

XIII. Naples 278 

XIV. Rome , „ . 292 



AS SEEN BY ME 



FIRST LETTER O^ THE WAY 

In" this day and generation, when every- 
body goes* to Europe, it is difficult to discover 
the only person who never has been there. 
But I am that one, and therefore the stir 
it occasioned in the bosom of my amiable 
family when I announced that I, too, was 
about to join the vast majority, is not easy 
to imagine. But if you think that I at once 
became a person of importance it only goes 
to show that you do not know the family. 
My mother, to be sure, hovered around me 
the way she does when she thinks I am going 
into typhoid fever. I never have had ty- 
phoid fever, but she is always on the watch 
for it, and if it ever comes it will not catch 
her napping. She will meet it half-way. 
And lest it elude her watchfulness, she mi- 
A 1 



AS SEEN BY ME 



1 



nutely questions every pain which assails any 
one of us, for fear it may be her dreaded foe. 
Yet when my sister's blessed lamb baby had 
it before he was a year old, and after he had 
got well and I was not afraid he would 
be struck dead for my wickedness, I said to 
her, ^^ Well, mamma, you must have taken 
solid comfort out of the first real chance you 
ever had at your pet fever," she said I ought 
to be ashamed of myself. 

My father began to explain international 
banking to me as his share in my prepara- 
tions, but I utterly discouraged him by ask- 
ing the difference between a check and a 
note. He said I reminded him of the jury- 
man who asked the difference between plain- 
tiff and defendant. I soothed him by as- 
suring him that I knew I would always find 
somebody to go to the bank with me. 

'^ Most likely 'twill be Providence, then, 
as He watches over children and fools,'' said 
my cousin, with what George Eliot calls 
^^ the brutal candor of a near relation." 

My brother-in-law lent me ten Baedekers, 
and offered his hampers and French trunks 
to me with such reckless generosity that I 
had to get my sister to stop him so that I 
wouldn't hurt his feelings by refusing. 

My sister said, ^^ I am perfectly sure, 
mamma, that if I don't go with her, she will 
go about with an ecstatic smile on her face, 
2 



AS SEEN BY ME 

and let herself get cheated and lost, and she 
would just as soon as not tell everybody that 
she had never been abroad before. She has 
no pride.'' 

" Then you had better come along and 
take care of me and see that I don't disgrace 
you," I urged. 

^' Really, mamma, I do think I had better 
go," said my sister. So she actually con- 
sented to leave husband and baby in order to 
go and take care of me. I do assure you, 
however, that I have bought all the tickets, 
and carried the common purse, and got her 
through the custom-houses, and arranged 
prices thus far. But she does pack my 
trunks and make out the laundry lists — I 
will say that for her. 

My brother's contribution to my comfort 
was in this wise : He said, " You must have 
a few more lessons on your wheel before you 
go, and I'll take you out for a lesson to-mor- 
row if you'll get up and go at six o'clock in 
the morning — that is, if you'll wear gloves. 
But you mortify me half to death riding 
without gloves." 

" N^obody sees me but milkmen," I said, 
humbly. 

"Well, what will the milkmen think?" 
said my brother. 

" Mercy on us, I never thought of that," I 
said. '^ My gloves are all pretty tight when 



AS SEEN BY ME 

one kas to grip one's handle-Lars as fiercely 
as I do. But I'll get large ones. What tint 
do you think milkmen care the most for ? " 
He sniffed. 

" Well, I'll go and I'll wear gloves," I 
said, " but if I fall off, remember it will be 
on account of the gloves." 

^' You always do fall off," he said, with pa- 
tient resignation. '^ I've seen you fall off 
that wheel in more different directions than 
it has spokes." 

" I don't exactly fall," I explained, care- 
fully. ^' I feel myself going and then I get 
off." 

I was ready at six the next morning, and 
I wore gloves. 

" Kow, don't ride into the holes in the 
street " — one is obliged to give such instruc-^ 
tions in Chicago — " and don't look at any- 
thing you see. Don't be afraid. You're all 
right. Kow, then ! You^re off ! ^' 

" Oh, Teddy, don't ride so close to me," I 
quavered. 

" I'm forty feet away from you," he said. 

" Then double it," 1 said. " You're chok- 
ing me by your proximity." 

^^ Let's cross the railroad tracks just for 
practice," he said, when it was too late for 
me to expostulate. " Stand up on your ped- 
als and ride fast, and — ^' 

" Hold on, please do,'' I shrieked. " I'm 
4 



ASSEENBYME 

falling off. Get out of my way. I seem to 
be turning — " 

He scorched ahead, and I headed straight 
for the switchman's hut, rounded it neatly, 
and leaned myself and my wheel against the 
side of it, helpless witli laughter. 

A red Irish face, with a short black pipe in 
its mouth, thrust itself out of the tiny win- 
dow just in front of me, and a voice with a 
rich brogue exclaimed : 

" As purty a bit of riding as iver Oi see ! '' 

'' Wasn't it 'i " I cried. " You couldn't 
do if' 

'^ Oi wouldn't thry ! Oi'd rather tackle a 
railroad train going at full spheed thin wan 
av thim runaway critturs." 

^' Get down from there," hissed my 
brother so close to my ear that it made me 
bite my tongue. 

I obediently scrambled down. Ted's face 
was very red. 

^' You ought to be ashamed of yourself to 
enter into immediate conversation with a 
man like that. What do you suj^pose that 
man thought of you ? " 

" Oh, perhaps he saw my gloves and took 
me for a lady," I pleaded. 

Ted grinned and assisted me to mount. 

When I successfully turned the corner by 
making Ted fall back out of sight, we rode 
away along the boulevard in silence for a 



AS SEEN BY ME 

while, for my conversation when I am on a 
wheel is generally limited to shrieks, ejacula- 
tions, and snatches of prayer. I never talk 
to be amusing. 

'^ I say/' said my brother, hesitatingly, " I 
wear a 'No. 8 glove and a No. 10 stocking." 

" I've always thought you had large 
hands and' feet,'' I said, ignoring the hint. 

He giggled. 

"^ Noy now, really. I wish you'd write 
that down somewhere. You can get those 
things so cheap in Paris." 

" You are supposing the case of my re- 
turn, or of Christmas intervening, or — a 
present of some kind, I suppose." 

" Well, no ; not exactly. Although you 
know I am always broke — " 

'' Don't I, though ?" 

'' And that I am still in debt — " 

" Because papa insists upon your putting 
some money in the bank every month — " 

'^ Yes, and the result is that I never get my 
head above water. I owe you twenty now." 

" Which I never expect to recover, be- 
cause you know I always get silly about 
Christmas and ^ forgive thee thy debts.' " 

" You're awful good — " he began. 

^' But I'll be better if I bring you gloves 
and silk stockings." 

" I'll give you the money !" he said, hero- 
ically. 

6 



AS SEEN BY ME 

^' Will you borrow it of me or of mam- 
ma ? '^ I asked, with a chuckle at the family 
financiering which always goes on in this 
manner. 

" N^ow don't make fun of me I You don't 
know what it is to be hard up." 

" Don't I, though ?" I said, indignantly. 
" Oh— oh ! Catch me ! " 

He seized my handle-bar and righted me 
before I fell off. 

'^ See Avhat you did by saying I never was 
hard up/' I said. '' I'll tell you what, Ted- 
dy. You needn't give me the money. I'll 
bring you some gloves and stockings ! " 

" Oh, I say, honest ? Oh, but you're the 
right kind of a sister ! I'll never forget that 
as long as I live. You do look so nice on 
your wheel. Y^ou sit so straight and — " 

I saw a milkman coming. We three were 
the only objects in sight, yet I headed for 
him. 

" Get out of my way," I shrieked at him. 
^' I'm a beginner. Turn off ! " 

He lashed his horse and cut down a side 
street. 

" What a narrow escape," I sighed. 
^^ How glad I am I happened to think of 
that." 

I looked up pleasantly at Ted. He was 
biting his lips and he looked raging. 

" You are the most hopeless girl I ever 



AS SEEN BY ME 

saw ! '^ he burst out. ^^ I wish you didn't 
own a wheel/' 

^^ I don't/' I said. ^' The wheel owns me." 

'' You haven't the manners of — " 

" Stockings/' I said, looking straight 
ahead. ^' Silk stockings with polka dots em- 
broidered on them, 'No. 10." 

Ted looked sheepish. 

'' I ride so well/' I proceeded. " I sit up 
so straight and look so nice." 

No answer. 

'^ Gloves/' I went on, still without looking 
at him. " White and pearl ones for evening, 
and russet gloves for the street. No. 8." 

" Oh, quit, won't you ? I'm sorry I said 
that. But if you only knew how you mortify 
me." 

" Cheer up, Tedcastle. I am going away, 
you know. And when I come back you will 
either have got over caring so much or I will 
be more of a lady." 

" I'm sorry you are going," said my 
brother. " But as you are going, perhaps 
you will let me use your rooms while you 
are gone. Your bed is the best one I ever 
slept in, and your study would be bully for 
the boys when they come to see me." 

I was too stunned to reply. He went on, 
utterly oblivious of my consternation : 

" And I am going to use your wheel while 
you are gone, if you don't mind, to take the 
8 



AS SEEN BY ME 

girls out on. I know some awfully nice girls 
who can ride, but their wheels are last year's 
make, and they Avon't ride them. I'd rather 
like to be able to offer them a new wheel.'' 

'^ I am not going to take all my party 
dresses. Have you any use for them?" I 
said. 

" Why, what's the matter ? Won't you let 
me have your rooms ?" 

" Merciful heavens, child ! I should say 
not !" 

'' Why, I haven't asked you for much," 
said my small, modest brother. '^ You of- 
fered." 

'' Well, just wait till I offer the rest. But 
I'll tell you what I will do, Ted. If you 
will promise not to go into my rooms and 
rummage once while I am gone, and not to 
touch my wheel, I'll buy you a tandem, and 
then you can take the girls on that." 

'^ I'd rather have you bring me some 
things from Europe," said my shrinking 
brother. 

''All right. I'll do that, but let me off 
this thing. I am so tired I can't move. 
You'll have to walk it back and give me five 
cents to ride home on the car." 

I crawled in to breakfast more dead than 
alive. 

'' What's the matter, dearie ? Did you 
ride too far ?" asked mamma. 
9 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" I don't know whether I rode too far or 
whether it was Ted's asking if he couldn't 
use my rooms while I was gone, but some- 
thing has made me tired. What's that? 
Whom is papa talking to over the tele- 
phone ?" 

Papa came in fuming and fretting. 

" Who was it this time ?" I questioned, 
with anticipation. Inquiries over the tele- 
phone were sure to be interesting to me just 
now. 

" Somebody who wanted to know what 
train you were going on, but would not give 
his name. He was inquiring for a friend, 
he said, and wouldn't give his friend's name 
either." 

" Didn't you tell him ?" I cried, in dis- 
tress. 

" Certainly not. I told him nobody but 
an idiot would withhold his name." 

Papa calls such a variety of men idiots. 

" Oh, but it was probably only flowers or 
candy. Why didn't you tell him? Have 
you no sentiment ?" 

" I won't have you receiving anonymous 
communications," he retorted, with the lib- 
erty fathers have a little way of taking with 
their daughters. 

" But flowers," I pleaded. " It is no 
harm to send flowers without a card. Don't 
you see?" Oh^ how hard it is to explain a 
10 



AS SEEN BY ME 

delicate point like that to one's father — in 
broad daylight ! ''I am supposed to know 
who sent them!" 

'^ But would you know ?" asked my prac- 
tical ancestor. 

'^ Not — not exactly. But it would be al- 
most sure to be one of them." 

Ted shouted. But there was nothing 
funny in wdiat I said. Boys are so silly. 

'^ Anyway, I am sorry you didn't tell 
him/' I said. 

'^ Well, I'm not," declared papa. 

The rest of the day fairly flew. The last 
night came, and the baby was put to bed. I 
undressed him, which he regarded as such a 
joke that he worked himself into a fever of 
excitement. He loves to scrub like Josie, the 
cook. I had bought him a little red pail, and 
I gave it to him that night when he was 
partly undressed, and he was so enchanted 
with it that he scampered around hugging it, 
and saying, ^' Pile ! pile !" like a little Cock- 
ne}^ He gave such squeals of ecstasy that 
everybody came into the nursery to find him 
scrubbing his crib with a nail-brush and 
little red pail. 

" Who gave you the pretty pail, Billy ?" 
asked Aunt Lida, who was sitting by the crib. 

" Tattah," said Billy, in a whisper. He 
always whispers my name. 

^^ Then go and kiss dear auntie. She is 
11 



AS SEEN BY ME 

going away on the big boat to stay such a 
long time.'' 

Billy's face sobered. Then he dropped 
his precious pail, and came and licked my 
face like a little dog, which is his way of 
kissing. 

I squeezed him until he yelled. 

^^ Don't let him forget me," I wailed. 
" Talk to him about me every day. And buy 
him a toy out of my money often, and tell 
him Tattah sent it to him. Oh, oh, he'll 
be grown up when I come home !" 

^^ Don't cry, dearie," said Aunt Lida, 
handing me her handkerchief. " I'll see that 
your grave is kept green." 

My sister appeared at the door. She was 
all ready to start. She even had her veil on. 

" What do you mean by exciting Billy so 
at this time of night ?" she said. " Go out, 
all of you. We'll lose the train. Hush, 
somebody's at the telephone. Papa's talk- 
ing to that same man again." I jumped up 
and ran out. 

" Let me answer it, papa dear ! Yes, yes, 
yes, certainly. To-night on the Pennsylvania. 
You're quite welcome. ]^ot at all." I hung 
up the telephone. 

I could hear papa in the nursery : 

" She actually told him — after all I said 
this morning! I never heard of anything 
like it." 

12 



ASSEEN BY ME 

Two or three voices were raised in my de- 
fence. Ted slij)ped ont into the hall. 

'' Bully for yon/' he whispered. '' You'll 
get the flowers all right at the train. Who 
do you s'pose they're from? Another box 
just came for you. Say, couldn't you leave 
that smallest box of violets in the silver box ? 
I want to give them to a girl, and you've got 
such loads of others." 

" Don't ask her for those," answered my 
dear sister, " they are the most precious of 
all!'^ 

" I can't give you any of mine," I said, 
^' but I'll buy you a box for her — a small 
box," I added hastily. 

'^ The carriages have come, dears," qua- 
vered grandmamma, coming out of the nur- 
sery, followed by the family, one after the 
other. 

" Get her satchels, Teddy. Her hat is up- 
stairs. Her flowers are in the hall. She left 
her ulster on my bed, and her books are on 
the window-sill," said mamma. She wouldn't 
look at me. " Remember, dearie, your medi- 
cines are all labelled, and I put needles in 
your work-box all threaded. Don't sit in 
draughts and don't read in a dim light. Have 
a good time and study hard and come back 
soon. Good - bye, mv girlie. God bless 
you!" 

By this time no handkerchief would have 
13 



AS SEEN BY ME 

sufficed for my tears. I reached out blindly, 
and Ted handed me a towel. 

" I've got a sheet when you've sopped 
that/' he said. Boys are such brutes. 

Aunt Lida said, ^^ Good-bye, my dearest. 
You are my favorite niece. You know I 
love you the best." 

I giggled^ for she tells my sister the same 
thing always. 

'' ISTobody seems to care much that I am 
going," said Bee, mournfully. 

^' But yoi^ are coming back so soon, and 
she is going to stay so long," exclaimed 
grandmamma, patting Bee. 
« " I'll bet she doesn't stay a year," cried 
Ted. 

'^ I'll expect her home by Christmas," said 
papa. 

'^ I'll bet she is here to eat Thanksgiving 
dinner," cried my brother-in-law. 

" IsTo, she is sure to stay as long as she has 
said she would," said mamma. 

Mothers are the brace of the universe. The 
family trailed down to the front door. 
Everybody was carrying something. There 
were two carriages, for they were all going 
to the station with us. 

" For all the world like a funeral, with 
loads of flowers and everybody crying," said 
my brother, cheerfully. 

I never shall forget that drive to the sta- 
14 



AS SEEN BY ME 

tion; nor the last few moments, when Bee 
and I stood on the car-steps and talked to 
those who were on the platform of the sta- 
tion. Can anybody else remember how she 
felt at going to Europe for the first time and 
leaving everybody she loved at home ? Bee 
grieved because there were no flowers at the 
train after all. But the next morning they 
appeared, a tremendous box, arranged as a 
surprise. 

Telegrams came popping in at all the big 
stations along the way, enlivening our gloom, 
and at the steamer there were such loads of 
things that we might almost have set up as 
a florist, or fruiterer, or bookseller. Such a 
lapful of steamer letters and telegrams! I 
read a few each morning, and some of them 
I read every morning! 

I don^t like ocean travel. They sent grape- 
fruit and confections to my state-room, which 
I tossed out of the port-hole. You know 
there are some people who think you don't 
know what you want. I travelled horizon- 
tally most of the way, and now people roar 
when I say I wasn't ill. Well, I wasn't, you 
know. We^ — well, Teddy would not lil^ me 
to be more explicit. I own to a horrible 
headache which never left me. I deny every- 
thing else. Let them laugh. I was there, 
and I know. 

The steamer I went on allows men to 
15 



AS SEEN BY ME 

smoke on all the decks, and thej all smoked 
in my face. It did not help me. I mnst say 
that I was unspeakably thankful to get my 
foot on dry ground once more. When we 
got to the dock a special train of toy cars 
took us through the greenest of green land- 
scapes, and suddenly, almost before we knew 
it, we were at Waterloo Station, and knew 
that London was at our door. 



II 

LONDON" 

People said to me, '^ What are you going 
to London for ?" I said, " To get an English 
point of view." '' Very well," said one of 
the knowing ones, who has lived abroad the 
larger part of his life, ^' then yon must go to 
^ The Insular,' in Piccadilly. That is not 
only the smartest hotel in London, but it is 
the most typically British. The rooms are 
let from season to season to the best coun- 
try families. There you will find yourself 
plunged headlong into English life with not 
an American environment to bless yourself 
with, and you will soon get your English 
point of view." 

'' Ah-h," responded the simpleton who 
goes by my name, " that is what we want. 
We will go to ' The Insular.' " 

We wrote at once for rooms, and then tele- 
graphed for them from Southampton. 

The steamer did not land her passengers 
until the morning of the ninth day, which 
shows the vast superiority of going on a fast 

n 17 



AS SEEN BY ME 

boat, which gets you in fully as much as fif- 
teen or twenty minutes ahead of the slow 
ones. 

Our luggage would not go on even a four- 
wheeler, so we took a dear little private 
bus and proceeded to put our mountainous 
American trunks on it. We filled the top of 
this bus as full as it would hold, and put 
everything else inside. After stowing our- 
selves in there would not have been room 
even for another umbrella. 

In this fashion we reached " The Insu- 
lar," where we were received by four or five 
gorgeous creatures in livery, the head one of 
whom said, " Miss Columbia ?" I admitted 
it, and we were ushered in, where we were 
met by more belonging to this tribe of gor- 
geousness, another of whom said, " Miss 
Columbia ?" 

^^ Yes,'' I said, firmly, privately wondering 
if they were trying to trip me into admitting 
that I was somebody else. 

'^ The housekeeper will be here presently," 
said this person. " She is expecting you." 

Forth came the housekeeper. 

" Miss Columbia ?" she said. 

Once again I said " Yes," patiently, stand- 
ing on my other foot. 

'^ If you will be good enough to come with 
me I will show you your rooms." 

A door opened outward, disclosing a little 
18 



A S S E E N BY ME 

square place with two cane-bottomed chairs. 
A man bounced out so suddenly that I nearly 
annihilated my sister, who was back of me. 
I could not imagine what this little cubby- 
hole was, but as there seemed to be nowhere 
else to go, I went in. The others followed, 
then the man who had bounced out. He 
closed the door and shut us in, where we 
stood in solemn silence. About a quarter of 
an hour afterwards I thought I saw some- 
thing through the glass moving slowly down- 
ward, and then an infinitesimal thrill in the 
soles of my feet led me to suspect the truth. 

" Is this thing an elevator ?'' I whispered 
to my sister. 

" 1^0, they call it a lift over here," she 
whispered back. 

^^ I know that," I murmured, impatiently. 
" But is this thing it ? Are we moving ? Are 
we going anywhere ?" 

" Why, of course, my dear. They are 
slower than ours, that's all." 

I listened to her with some misgivings, for 
her information is not always to be wholly 
trusted, but this time it happened that she 
was right, for after a while we came to the 
fourth floor, where our rooms were. 

I wish you could have seen the size of 
them. I shall not attempt to describe them, 
for you would not believe me. I had en- 
gaged " two rooms and a bath." The .two 
19 



AS SEEN BY ME 

rooms were there. " Where is the bath ?" I 
said. The housekeeper lovingly removed a 
gigantic crash towel from a hideous tin ob- 
ject, and proudly exposed to my vision that 
object which is next dearest to his silk hat 
to an Englishman's heart — a hip-bath tub. 
Her manner said, ^^ Beat that if you can." 

My sister prodded me in the back with 
her umbrella, which in our sign language 
means, " Don't make a scene." 

^^ Very well," I said, rather meekly. 
^^ Have our trunks sent up." 

" Very good, madam." 

She went away, and then we rang the bell 
and began to order what were to us the barest 
necessities of life. We were tired and lame 
and sleepy from a night spent at the pier 
landing the luggage, and we wanted things 
with which to make ourselves comfortable. 

There was a pocket edition of a fireplace, 
and they brought us a hatful of the vilest soft 
coal, which peppered everything in the rooms 
with soot. 

We climbed over our trunks to sit by this 
imitation of a fire, only to find that there was 
nothing to sit on but the most uncompromis- 
ing of straight-backed chairs. 

We groaned as we took in the situation. 

To our poor, racked frames a coal-hod would 

not have suggested more discomfort. We 

dragged up our hampers, packed with 

20 



AS SEEN BY ME 

steamer-rugs and pillows, and my sister sat 
on hers wliile I took another turn at the bell. 
While the maid is answering this bell I shall 
have plenty of time to tell you what we 
afterwards discovered the process of bell- 
ringing in an English hotel to be. 

We rang our bell. Presently we heard the 
most horrible gong, such as we use on our 
patrol wagons and fire-engines at home. This 
clanged four times. Then a second bell down 
the hall answered it. Then feet flew by our 
door. At this juncture my sister and I pre- 
pared to let ourselves down the fire-escape. 
But we soon discovered that those flying feet 
belonged to the poor maid, whom that gong 
had signalled that she v/as wanted on the 
fourth floor. She flew to a speaking-tube and 
asked who on the fourth floor wanted her. 
She was then given the number of our room, 
when she rang a bell to signify that our call 
was answered, by which time she was at lib- 
erty, and knocked at our door, saying, in her 
soft English voice, '' Did you ring, miss ?" 

We told her we wanted rocking-chairs. 
She said there was not one in the house. Then 
easy-chairs, we said, or anything cushioned 
or low or comfortable. She said the house- 
keeper had no easier chairs. 

We sat down on our hampers, and my sis- 
ter leaned against the corner of the wardrobe 
with a pillow at her back to keep from being 
21 



AS SEEN BY ME 

cut in two. I propped my back against the 
wash-stand, which did very Y\^ell, except that 
the wash-stand occasionally slid away from 
me. 

'^ This/' said my sister, impressively, " is 
England." 

We had been here only half an hour, but I 
had already got my point of view. 

^^ Let's go out and look up a hotel where 
they take Americans," I said. ^' I feel the 
need of ice-water." 

Our drinking-water at " The Insular" was 
on the end of the wash-stand nearest the fire. 

So, feeling a little timid and nervous, but 
not in the least homesick, we went down- 
stairs. One of our gorgeous retinue called a 
cab and we entered it. 

" Where shall we go ?" asked my sister. 

" I feel like saying to the first hotel we 
see," I said. 

Just then we raised our eyes and they 
rested simultaneously upon a sign, " The 
Empire Hotel for Cats and Dogs." This 
simple solution of our difiiculty put us in 
such high good humor that we said we 
wouldn't look up a hotel just yet — we would 
take a drive. 

Under these circumstances we took our 

first drive down Piccadilly, and Europe to 

me dates from that moment. The ship, the 

landing, the custom-house, the train, the 

22 



AS SEEN BY ME 

hotel — all these were mere preliminaries to 
the Europe, which began then. People told 
me in America how mj heart would swell at 
this, and how I would thrill at that, but it was 
not so. My first real thrill came to me in Pic- 
cadilly. It went all over me in little shivers 
and came out at the ends of my fingers, and 
then began once more at the base of my brain 
and did it all over again. 

But what is the use of describing one's 
first view of London streets and trafiic to the 
initiated ? Can they, who became used to it 
as children, appreciate it ? Can they look 
back and recall how it struck them? 'No. 
When I try to tell Americans over here they 
look at me curiously and say, ^' Dear me, 
how odd!'' The way they say it leaves me 
to draw any one of three conclusions : either 
they are not impressionable, and are there- 
fore honest in denying the feeling; or they 
think it vulgar to admit it ; or I am the only 
grown person in America who never has been 
to Europe before. 

But I am indifferent to their opinion. 
People are right in saying this great tre- 
mendous rush of feeling can come but once. 
It is like being in love for the first time. You 
like it and yet you don't like it. You wish 
it would go away, yet you fear that it will go 
all too soon. It gets into your head and 
makes you dizzy, and you want to shut your 
23 



AS SEEN BY ME 

eyes, but you are afraid if you do that you 
will miss something. You cannot eat and 
you cannot sleep, and you feel that you have 
two consciousnesses: one which belongs to 
the life you have lived hitherto, and which 
still is going on, somewhere in the world, un- 
mindful of you, and you unmindful of it; 
and the other is this new bliss which is beat- 
ing in your veins and sounding in your ears 
and shining before your eyes, which no one 
knows and no one dreams of, but which keeps 
a smile on your lips — a smile which has in it 
nothing of humor, nothing from the great 
without, but which comes from the secret 
recesses of your own inner consciousness, 
where the heart of the matter lies. 

I remember nothing definite about that 
first drive. I,. for my part, saw with unsee- 
ing eyes. My sister had seen it all before, so 
she had the power of speech. Occasionally 
she prodded me and cried, " Look, oh ! look 
quickly.'' But I never swerved. " I can't 
look. If I do I shall miss something. You 
attend to your own window and I'll attend to 
mine. Coming back I will see your side." 

When we got beyond the shops I said to 
the cabman: 

" Do you know exactly the way you have 
come ?" 

" Yes, miss," he said. 

." Then go back precisely the same way." 
24 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" Have you lost something, miss V^ he in- 
quired. 

" Yes/' I said, ^' I have lost an impres- 
sion, and I must look till I find it.'' 

^' Very good, miss," he said. 

If I had said, " I have carelessly let fall 
my cathedral," or, " I have lost my orang- 
outang. Look for him!" an^ imperturba- 
ble British cabby would only touch his cap 
and say, " Very good, miss !" 

So we followed our_own trail back to ^^ The 
Insular." '' In this way," I said to my sister, 
'' we both get a complete view. To-morrow 
we will do it all over again." 

But we found that we could not wait for 
the morrow. We did it all over again that 
afternoon, and that second time I was able 
in a measure to detach myself from the hum 
and buzz and the dizzying effect of foreign 
faces, and I began to locate impressions. My 
first distinct recollections are of the great 
numbers of high hats on the men, the ill- 
hanging skirts and big feet of the women, the 
unsteadying effect of all those thousands of 
cabs, carriages, and carts all going to the left, 
which kept me constantly wishing to shriek 
out, '^ Go to the right or we'll all be killed,'' 
the absolutely perfect manner in which traffic 
was managed, and the majestic authority of 
the London police. 

I have seen the Houses of Parliament and 



AS SEEN BY ME 

the Tower and Westminster Abbey, and the 
World's Fair, but the most impressive sight 
I ever beheld is the upraised hand of a Lon- 
don policeman. I never heard one of them 
speak except when spoken to. Bnt let one 
little blue-coated man raise his forefinger 
and every vehicle on wheels stops, and stops 
instantly; stops in obedience to law and or- 
der; stops without swearing or gesticulating 
or abuse; stops with no underhanded trying 
to drive out of line and get by on the other 
side; just stops, that is the end of it. And 
why ? Because the Queen of England is be- 
hind that raised finger. A London police- 
man has more power than our President. 

Even the Queen's coachmen obey that fore- 
finger. ISTot long ago she dismissed one who 
dared to drive even the royal carriage on in 
defiance of it. Understanding ho^ to obey, 
that is what makes liberty. 

I am the most flamboyant of Americans, 
the most hopelessly addicted to my own 
country, but I must admit that I had my first 
real taste of liberty in England. 

I will tell you why. In America nobody 
obeys anybody. We make our laws, and then 
most industriously set about studying out a 
plan by which we may evade them. America 
is suffering, as all republics must of neces- 
sity suffer, from liberty in the hands of the 
multitude. The multitude are ignorant, and 
26 



AS SEEN BY ME 

liberty in the hands of the ignorant is always 
license. 

In America, the land of the free, whom 
do we fear ? The President ? 'No, God bless 
him. There is not a true American in the 
world who would not stand up as a man or a 
woman and go into his presence without fear. 
Are we afraid of our Senators, our chief 
rulers ? No. But we are afraid of our ser- 
vants, of our street-car conductors. We are 
afraid of sleeping-car porters, and the 
drivers of huge trucks. We are afraid they 
will drive over us in the streets, and if we 
dare to assert our rights and hold them in 
check we are afraid of what they will say to 
us, in the name of liberty, and of the way 
they will look at us, in the name of liberty. 

English servants, I have discovered, have 
no more respect for Americans than the old- 
time negro of the Southern aristocracy has 
for Northerners. I once asked an old black 
mammy in Georgia why the negroes had so 
little respect for the white ladies of the 
North. " Case dey don' know how to treat 
black folks, honey.'' '' Why don't they?" I 
persisted. " Are they not kind to you ?" 
" Umph," she responded (and no one who 
has never heard a fat old negress say 
^^Umph" knows the eloquence of it). "Umph. 
Dat's it. Dey's too kin'. Dey don' know 
how to mek us min'." And that is just the 
27 



AS SEEN BY ME 

trouble with Americans here. An English 
servant takes orders, not requests. 

I had such a time to learn that. We could 
not understand why we were obeyed so well 
at first, and presently, without any outward 
disrespect, our wants were simply ignored 
until all the English people had been at- 
tended to. 

My sister had told me I was too polite, but 
one never believes one's sister, so I questioned 
our sweet English friends, and they, with 
much delicacy and many apologies, and the 
prettiest hesitation in the world — considering 
the situation — told us the reason. 

" But," I gasped, " if I should speak to 
our servants in that manner they would 
leave. They would not stay over night." 
Our English friends tried not to smile in a 
superior way, and they succeeded, only I 
knew the smile was there, and said, " Oh, no, 
our servants never leave us. They apologize 
for having done it wrong." 

On the way home I plucked up courage. 
" I am going to try it," I said, firmly. My 
sister laughed in derision. 

" 'Now I could do it," she said, complai- 
santly. And so she could. My sister never 
plumes herself on a quality she does not pos- 
sess. 

^^ Are you going to use the tone and every- 
thing ?" I said, somewhat timidly. 
28 



AS SEEN BY ME 

^' You wait and see.'' 

She hesitated some time, I noticed, before 
she rang the bell, and she looked at herself in 
the glass and cleared her throat. I knew she 
was bracing herself. 

'' I'll ring the bell if you like," I said, 
politely. 

She gave one look at me and then rang the 
bell herself with a firm hand. 

" And I'll get behind you with a poker in 
one hand and a pitcher of hot water in the 
other. Speak when you need either." 

" You feel very funny when you don't 
have to do it yourself," she said, wither ingly. 

" You'll never put it through. You'll back 
down and say ^ please ' before you have fin- 
ished," I said, and just then the maid 
knocked at the door. 

I never heard anything like it. My sister 
was superb. I doubt if Bernhardt at her 
best ever inspired me with more awe. How 
that maid flew around. How humble she 
was. How she apologized. And how, every 
time my sister said, '^ Look sharp, now," the 
maid said, " Thank you." I thought I should 
die. I was so much interested in the dra- 
matic possibilities of my cherished sister that 
when the door closed behind the maid we 
simply looked at each other a moment, then 
simultaneously made a bound for the bed, 
wliere we choked with laughter among tlie 
29 



AS SEEN BY ME 

pillows. Presently we sat up with flushed 
faces and rumpled hair. I reached over and 
shook hands with her. 

^^ How was that ?" she asked. 

"'Twas grand/' I said. "The Queen 
couldn't have done it more to the manner 
born." 

My sister accepted my compliments coul- 
plaisantly, as one who should say, " 'Tis no 
more than my deserts.'' 

" How firm you were," I said, admiringly. 

"Wasn't I, though?" 

" How humble she was." 

" Wasn't she ?" 

" You were quite as disagreeable and de- 
termined as a real Englishwoman would 
have been." 

" So I was." 

A pause full of intense admiration on my 
part. Then she said, "You couldn't have 
done it." 

" I know that." 

" You are so deadly civil." 

" JSTot to everybody, only to servants." I 
said this apologetically. 

" You never keep a steady hand. You 
either grovel at their feet or snap their heads 
off." 

" Quite true," I admitted, humbly. 

" But it was grand, wasn't it ?" she said. 

" Unspeakably grand." 
30 



AS SEEN BY ME 

And for Americans it was. 

We were still at " The Insular/' when 
one day I took up a handful of what had 
once been a tight bodfse, and said to my sis- 
ter : 

'' See how thin I've grown! I believe I 
am starving to death." 

'' ISTo wonder," she answered, gloomily, 
" with this awful English cooking ! I'm 
nearly dead from your experiment of getting 
an English point of view. I want something 
to eat— something that I lihe. I want a beef- 
steak, with mushrooms, and some potatoes 
au gratm, like those we have in America. I 
hate the stuff we get here. I wish I could 
never see another chop as long as I live." 

^^ ^ The Insular ' is considered very good," 
I remarked, pensively. 

" Considered !" cried she. " Whose con- 
sideration counts, I should like to know, 
when you are always hungry for something 
you can't get ?" 

'^ I know it ; and we are paying such prices, 
too. Who, except ostriches, could eat their 
nasty preserves for breakfast when they are 
having grape-fruit at home ? And then their 
vile aspic jellies and potted meats for hmch- 
eon, which look like sausage congealed in 
cold gravy, and which taste like gum arable." 

^' Let's move," said my sister. " ^ot into 
another hotel — that wouldn't be much better. 
31 



AS SEEN BY ME 

But let's take lodgings. IVe heard that they 
Avere lovely. Then we can order what we 
like. Besides, it will be very much chea]3er." 

" I didn't come ove^ here to economize/' I 
said. 

" Well, I wouldn't say a word if we were 
getting anything for our money, but we are 
not. Besides, when you get to Paris you 
will Avish you hadn't been so extravagant 
here." 

'' Are the Paris shops more fascinating 
than those in Regent Street ?" I asked. 

" Much more." 

" More alluring than Bond Street ?" 

" More so than any in the world," she af- 
firmed,, with the religious fervor which al- 
ways characterizes her tone when she speaks 
of Paris. The very leather of her purse 
fairly squeaks, with ecstasy when she thinks 
of Paris. 

" Heavens !" I murmured, with awe, for 
whenever she won't go to Du Maurier's grave 
with me, and w^hen I won't do the crown jew- 
els in the Tower with her, we always com- 
promise amiably on Bond Street, and come 
home beaming with joy. 

" We might go now just to look," I said. 
" I have the addresses of some very good 
lodgings." 

" We'll take a cab by the hour," said she, 
putting her hat on before the mirror, and 
32 



AS SEEN BY ME 

turning her head on one side to view her 
completed handiwork. 

'' Now take off that watch and that belt 
and that chatelaine if you don't want these 
harpies to think we are ^ rich Americans' 
(how I have come to hate that phrase over 
here!), because they will charge accord- 
ingly." 

She looked at me with genuine admira- 
tion. 

^^ Do you know, dear, you are really 
clever at times ?" 

I colored with pleasure. It is so seldom 
that she finds anything practical in me to 
praise. 

'^ Now mind, we are just going to look," 
she cautioned, as we rang a bell. '^ We 
must not do anything in a hurry." 

We came out half an hour afterwards and 
got into the cab without looking at each 
other. 

" It was very unbusinesslike," said she, se- 
verely. '' You never do anything right." 

" But it was so gloriously impudent of 
us," I urged. '^ First, we wanted lodgings. 
This was a boarding-house. Second, we 
wanted two bed-rooms and a drawing-room. 
They had only one drawing-room in the 
house ; could we have that ? l^es, we 
could. So we took their whole first floor, 
and made them promise to serve our break- 



AS SEEN BY ME 

fasts in bed, and our other meals in their 
best drawing-room, and turned a boarding- 
house into a lodging-house, all inside of half 
an hour. It was lovely !" 

'^ It was bad business,'' said she. " We 
could have got it for less, but you are always 
in such a hurry. If you like a thing, and 
anybody says you may have it for fifty, 
you always, say, ' I'll give you seventy-five.'' 
You're so afraid to think a thing over." 

^^ Second thoughts are never as much 
fun as first thoughts," I urged. " Second 
thoughts are always so sensible and reason- 
able and approved of." 

^' How do you know ?" asked my sister, 
wither ingly. " You never waited for any." 

The next day we moved. Everybody said 
our rooms were charming, and that they were 
cheap, for I told how much we paid, much to 
my sister's disgust. She is such a lady. 

'^ We have cut down our expenses so 
much," I said, looking arotmd on the drab 
walls and the dun-colored carpets, " don't 
you think we might have a few flowers ?" 

'^ I believe you took this place for the bal- 
cony, so that you could put daisies around the 
edge and in the window-boxes !" she cried. 

^^ ]^o, I didn't. But the houses in Lon- 
don are so pretty with their flowers. Don't 
you think we might have a few ?" 

" Well, go and get them. I've got to 
34 



AS SEiiN BY ME 

write the home letter to-daj if it is to catch 
the Southampton boat." 

I came home with six huge pahus, two 
June roses, some pink heather, a jar of 
marguerites, and I had ordered the balcony 
and window-boxes filled. My sister helped 
me to place them, but when hcx* back was 
turned I arranged them over again. I can't 
tie a veil on the way she can, but I can ar- 
range flowers to look — well, I won't boast. 

Our landladies were two middle-aged, 
comfortable sisters. We called them " The 
Tabbies," meaning no disrespect to cats, 
either. I thought they took rather too vio- 
lent an interest in our affairs, but I said 
nothing until one day after w^e had been 
settled nearly a week. I was seated in my 
own private room trying to write. My sis- 
ter came in, evidently disturbed by some- 
thing. 

" Do you know," she said, ^^ that our land- 
lady just asked me how much you paid for 
those strawberries ? And when I told her she 
said that that made them come to fourpence 
apiece, and that they were very dear. ISTow, 
how did she know that they were strawber- 
ries, or how many were in each box, I'd like 
to know ?" 

'^ Probably she opened the package," I 
said. 

" Exactly what I think. ^Now I won't 
35 



AS SEEN BY ME 

stand that. And then she asked me not to 
set things on the mahogany tables. It's 
just because we are Americans ! She never 
would dare treat English people that way. 
She has not sufficient respect for us.'' 

" Then tell her to be more respectful ; tell 
her we are very highly thought of at home." 

" She wouldn't care for that." 

'' Then tell her we have a few rich rela- 
tions and quite a number of influential 
friends." 

" Pooh !" 

" And if that does not fetch her, there is 
nothing left to do but to be quite rude to her, 
and then she will know that we belong to the 
very highest society. But what do you care 
what a middle-class landlady thinks, just so 
she lets you alone ?" 

My sister meditated, and I added; 

'^ If you would just snub her once, in 
your most ladylike way, it would settle her. 
As for me, I am satisfied to think we are 
paying much less, and we are twice as com- 
fortable as we were at the hotel ; and we get 
such good things to eat that our skeletons are 
filling ou.t, and once more our clothes fit." 

" That is so," said she, letting her 
thoughts wander to the number of hooks in 
her closet. '^ We do have more room, and 
I think our drawing-room with its palms and 
flowers will look lovely to-morrow." 
36 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" Do you think it was wise/' slie added, 
^^ to ask all those men to come at once ?" 

" Oh yes ; let them all come together, 
then we can weed them out afterwards. You 
never can have too many men." 

" I am glad you have asked in a few 
women." 

^' Wh}^ ?" I demanded. " Are you in- 
sinuating that we are not equal to a handful 
of Englishmen ? Kecall the Boston tea- 
party. We will give them the first straw- 
berries of the season, and plenty of tea. 
Feed them; that's the main thing," I said, 
firmly, taking up my pen and looking 
steadily at her. 

'' I'll go," she said, hastily. " Do you 
have to go to the bank to-day? You know 
to-morrow we must pay our weekly bill." 

" It won't be much," I said, cheerfully ; 
^' I am sure I have enough." 

The next day the bill came. Our land- 
lady sent it up on the breakfast-tray. I 
opened it, then shrieked for my sister. It 
covered four pages of note-paper. 

" For heaven's sake ! what is the matter ?" 
she cried. ^' Has anything happened to 
Billy ?" 

'' Billy ! This thing is not an American 

letter. It is the bill for our cheap lodgings. 

Look at it! Look at the extras — gas, coals, 

washing bed - linen, washing table - linen, 

37 



AS SEEN BY ME 

washing towels, kitchen fires, service, oil for 
three lamps, afternoon tea, and three shil- 
lings for sundries on the fourth page ! What 
can sundries include? She hasn't skipped 
anything but pew-rent.'' 

My sister looked at the total, and buried 
her face in the pillows to smother a groan. 

" Eing the bell," I said ; " I want the 
maid." 

^^ What are you going to do ?" 

'' I'm going to find out what ^ sundries ' 
are." 

She gave the bell-cord such a pull that she 
broke the wdre, and it fell down on her 
head. 

^* That, too, will go in the bill. Wrap 
your handkerchief around your hand and 
give the wire a jerk. Give it a good one. I 
don't care if it brings the police." 

The maid came. 

^' Martha, present my compliments to 
Mrs. Black, and ask her what ' sundries ' 
include." 

Martha came back smiling. 

" Please, miss, Mrs. Black's compliments, 
and ' sundries ' means that you complained 
that the coffee was muddy, and after that 
she cleared it with an egg. ' Sundries ' 
means the e2:s:s." 



"' Martha," I said, weakly. 



to-" 

those Crown salts. 'No, no, I forgot; those 

38 



AS SEEN BY ME 

are Mrs. Black's salts. Take them out and 
tell lier I only smelled them once." 

" Martha," said my sister, dragging my 
purse out from under my pillow, " here is 
sixpence not to tell Mrs. Black anything." 
Then when Martha disappeared she said, 
" How often have I told you not to jest with 
servants ?" 

" I forgot," I said, humbly. " But Mar- 
tha has a sense of humor, don't you think ^" 

" I never thought anything about it. But 
what are you going to do about that bill ?" 

" I'm going to argue about it, and declare 
I won't pay it, and then pay it like a true 
American. Would you have me upset the tra- 
ditions ? But I've got to go to the bank first." 

I did just as I said. I argued to no 
avail. Mrs. Black was quite haughty, and 
made me feel like a chimney-sweep. I paid 
her in full, and when I came up I said : 

'' You are quite right. She has a poor 
opinion of us. When I asked her how long 
it would take to drive to a house in West 
End, she said, ^ Why do you want to know V 
I said I ^ wanted to see the house.' " 

^' Didn't you tell her we were invited 
there ?" asked my sister, scandalized. 

" 'No ; I said I had heard a good deal 
about the house, and she said it was open to 
the public on Fridays. So I said we'd go 
then." 

39 



AS SEEN. BY ME 

" I think yon are horrid V cried Bee. 
" The insolence of that woman ! And you 
actually think it is funny! You think 
everything is funny." 

I soothed her by pointing out some of the 
things which I considered sad, notably Eng- 
lish people trying to enjoy themselves. Then 
the men began to drop in for tea, and that 
succeeded in making her forget her troubles. 

Reggie and the Duke arrived together. 
My sister at once took charge of the Duke, 
while Reggie said to me, " I say, what sort 
of creature is the old girl below V 

^' 'Not a very good sort, I am afraid. 
Why? What has she done now?" 

'^ Why, she stopped Abingdon and me 
and asked us to wipe our shoes." 

^^ She asked the Duke of Abingdon to 
wipe his shoes ?" I gasped, in a whisper. 

" Yes ; and Freddie, who was just ahead 
of us, turned back and said, ^ My good 
woman, was the cab very dirty, do you 
think?'" 

" Oh, don't tell my sister ! She has al- 
most died of Mrs. Black already to-day; 
this would finish her completely." 

" Well, you must give your woman a 
talking to — a regular going over, d'ye know ? 
Tell her you'll be the mistress of the whole 
blooming house or you'll tear it to pieces. 
That's the way to talk to 'em. I told my 
40 



AS SEEN BY ME 

landlady in Edinburgh once that I'd chnck 
her out of the window if she spoke to nie 
until she was spoken to. She came up and 
rapped on the door one Saturday night at 
ten o'clock, when I had some fellows there, 
and told me to send those men home and 
go to bed." 

'' Then she isn't taking advantage of us 
because we are Americans, the way the cab- 
men do ?" 

^' Oh yes, I dare say she is ; but you must 
stand up to her. They're a set of thieves, 
the whole of 'em. I say, that's a pretty 
picture you've got pinned up there." 

'' That's to hide a hole in the lace cur- 
tain," I explained, gratuitously. Then I 
remembered, and glanced apprehensively 
at my sister, but fortunately she had not 
heard me. " That is one of the pictures 
from Truth, an American magazine. I al- 
ways save the middle picture when it is 
pretty, and pin it up on the wall." 

" That is one thing where the States are 
away ahead of us — in their illustrated mag- 
azines." 

''Don't say 'the States!' I've told you 
before. I didn't know you ever admitted 
that anything Vv^as better in America." 

Reggie only smiled affably. He ignored 
my offer of battle, and said : 

" Abingdon is asking your sister to dine. 
41 



AS SEEN BY ME 

I'm asked, and Freddie and his wife, and I 
think yon will enjoy it." 

When they were all gone I marched down- 
stairs to Mrs. Black without saying a word 
to any one. When I came up I found my 
sister hanging over the banisters. 

" What is the matter ? What have you 
done ? I knew you were angry by the way 
you looked." 

"It was lovely!" I said. "I sent for 
Mrs. Black, and said, ^ Mrs. Black, do you 
know the name of the gentleman whom you 
asked to wipe his shoes to-day V ' 'No/ said 
she. . ' It was the Duke of Abingdon,' I 
said, sternly, well knowing the unspeakable 
reverence which the middle-class English 
have for a title. She turned purple. She 
fell back against the wall, muttering, ^ The 
Duke of Abingdon! The Duke of Abing- 
don!' I believe she is still leaning up 
against the wall muttering that holy name. 
A title to Mrs. Black!" 

The next day both the Tabbies were curt- 
sying in the hall when we started out. We 
were going on a coach to Richmond with 
Julia and her husband, and another Ameri- 
can girl, and then Julia's husband was going 
to row us up the Thames to Hampton Court 
for tea, and they were all going to dine with 
us at Scott's when we got home. 

It was a lovely day. The trees w^ere a 
42 



AS SE^EN BY ME 

mass of bloom, and everybody ought to have 
enjoyed himself. We were having a very 
good time of it among ourselves reading the 
absurd signs, until we noticed the three girls 
who sat opposite to us. They had serious 
faces, and long, consumptive teeth, which 
they never succeeded in completely hiding. 
I knew just hoAV they would look when they 
w^ere dead ; I knew that those two long front 
teeth would still — They listened to all we 
said w^ithout a flicker of the eyelashes. Oc- 
casionally they looked down at the size of the 
American girl's little feet and then involun- 
tarily drew their own back out of sight. 

Presently I espied a sign, '' Funerals, 
for this week only, at half price." I seized 
Julia's hand. " Stop, oh, stop the coacli 
and let's get a funeral! We may never 
have an opportunity to get a bargain in 
funerals again. And the sale lasts only 
one week. Everybody told me before I 
came away to get what I wanted at the 
moment I saw it; not to wait, thinking I 
would come back. So unless we order one 
now we may have to pay the full price. 
And a funeral would be such a good invest- 
ment; it would keep forever. You'd never 
feel like using it before you actually needed 
it. Do let me get one now!" 

Of course, Julia, my sister, and Julia's 
husband v/ere in gales of laughter ; but what 
48 



AS SEEN BY ME 

finished me off was to see three serious ereat- 
ures opposite rise as if pulled by one string, 
look in an anxious way at me and then at 
the sign, while the teeth began to say to 
each other : ^^ What did she say ? What 
does she mean? What does she want a 
funeral for V 

We had a lovely day, but everybody we 
met on the river looked very unhappy, and 
nobody seemed to be at all glad that we were 
there or that we were rising to the occasion. 
When we got home I was too tired to notice 
things, but my sister, who sees everything, 
whispered : 

" I verily believe they've put down a new 
stair-carpet to-day.^' 

The next morning such a sight met our 
astonished eyes. There was a new carpet 
on the hall. There were new curtains in 
our drawing-room. All the covers had been 
removed from their sacred furniture. Brass 
andirons replaced the old ones. The piano 
had a new cover. There was a rocking-chair 
for each (we had only one before), and while 
we were still speechless with amazement 
Mrs. Black came in with our bill. 

" I have been thinking this over since yes- 
terday, and I have decided that as long as 
you did not understand about the extras, 
it would be no more than right that I should 
take them off. So I owe you this.'' 
44 ^ 



AS SEEN BY ME 

I took the money, and it dropped from 
my nerveless fingers. Mrs. Black picked 
it up and put it on the table — the mahogany 
table. 

'' You see I propped your palms for you 
in your absence, and I repotted four of them. 
I thought they would grow better. Here 
are some periodicals I sent to the library for, 
thinking you might like to look at them, 
and I put my new calendar over your writ- 
ing-desk. E'ow, is there any little delicacy 
you would like for your luncheon V 

While Bee was getting rid of her I made 
a few rapid mental calculations. 

'^ Bee,'' I said, " we are going to stay over 
here two years. Let's buy the Duke and 
take him with us." 



The reaction has come. I knew it would. 
It always does. It is a mortification to be 
obliged to admit it in the face of London, 
and all that we have had done for us, but 
the fact is we are homesick — wretchedly, 
bitterly homesick. I remember how, when 
other people have been here and written 
that they were homesick, I have sniffed with 
contempt and have said to myself, " What 
poor taste! Just wait until my turn comes 
to go to Europe ! I'll show them what it 
is to enjoy everv moment of my stay !" 
45 



AS SEEN BY ME 

But now — dear me, I can remember that 
I have made invidious remarks about ISlew 
York, and have objected to the odors in 
Chicago, and have hated the Illinois Central 
turnstiles. But if I could be back in Ameri- 
ca I would not mind being caught in a turn- 
stile all day. Dear America! Dear Lake 
Michigan! Dear Chicago! 

I have talked the matter over with my sis- 
ter, and we have decided that it must be the 
people, for certainly the novelty is not yet 
worn off of this marvellous London. We 
like individually nearly every one whom we 
have met, but as a nation the English are to 
me an acquired taste — just like olives and 
German opera. 

To explain. My friendly, volatile Amer- 
ican feelings are constantly being shocked at 
the massed and consolidated indifference of 
English men and women to each other. 
They care for nobody but themselves. In a 
certain sense this indifference to other peo- 
ple's opinions is very satisfactory. It 
makes you feel that no matter how outra- 
geous you wanted to be you could not cause 
a ripple of excitement or interest — unless 
Royalty noticed your action. Then London 
would tread, itself to death in its efforts to 
see and hear you. But if an Englishman en- 
tered a packed theatre on his hands with his 
feet in the air, and thus proceeded to make 
46 



AS SEEN BY ME 

the rounds of the house, the audience would 
only give one glance, just to make sure that 
it was nothing more abnormal than a man 
in evening dress, carrying his crush-hat 
between his feet and walking on his hands, 
and then they would return to their exciting 
conversation of where they were ^' going to 
show after the play.'' Even the maids who 
usher would not smile, but would stoop and 
put his programme between his teeth for 
him, and turn to the next comer. 

The English mind their own business, 
and we Americans are so used to interfering 
with each other, and minding everybody's 
business as well as our own, it makes us very 
homesick indeed, to find that we can do pre- 
cisely as we please and be let entirely alone. 

The English who have been in America, 
or those who have a single blessed drop of 
Irish or Scotch blood in their veins, will 
quite understand what I mean. Fortunate- 
ly for us we have found a few of these dif- 
ferent sorts, and they have kept us from sui- 
cide. They warned us of the differences 
we would find. One man said to me: 
" We English do not understand the mean- 
ing of the word hospitality compared to you 
Americans. ISTow in the States — " 

^^ Stop right there, if you please," I beg- 
ged, " and say ' America.' It offends me to 
be called ^ the States ' quite as much as if 
47 



AS SEEN BY ME 

yon called me ^ the Colonies ' or ' the Prov- 
inces !' " 

^' Yon speak as if you were America/' he 
said. 

" I am/' I replied. 

" 'Now that is jnst it. Yon Americans 
come over here nationally. We English 
travel individnally.'' 

I was so startled at this acnte analysis 
from a man whom I had always regarded as 
an Englishman that I forgot my manners 
and I said, " Good heavens, yon are not all 
English, are yonf 

" My father was Irish," he said. 

" I knew it !'' I cried with joy. " Please 
shake hands with me again. I knew yon 
weren't entirely English after that speech!" 

He laughed. 

" I will shake hands with you, of course. 
But I am a typical Britisher. Please be- 
lieve that." 

'' I shall not. Y^ou are not typical. That 
was really a clever distinction and quite 
true." 

He looked as if he were going to argue 
the point with me, so I hurried on. I al- 
ways get the worst of an argument, so I 
tried to take his mind off his injury. " Now 
please go on," I urged. " It sounded .so in- 
teresting." 

" Well, I was only going to say that in 
48 



AS SEEN BY ME 

America you are, as hosts, quite sincere in 
wishing us to enjoy ourselves and to like 
America. Here we will only do our duty 
by you if you bring letters to us, and we 
don't care a hang whether you like England 
or not. We like it, and that's enough." 

'^ I see," I said, with cold chills of aver- 
sion for England as a nation creeping over 
my enthusiasm. 

" ^ow in America," he proceeded, " your 
host sends his carriage for you, or calls for 
you, takes you with him, stays by you, in- 
troduces you to the people he thinks yOu 
would most care to meet, and tells them who 
and what you are ; sees that you have every- 
thing that's going, and that you see every- 
thing that's going, and then takes you back 
to your club." 

^' Then he asks you if you have had a good 
time, and if you like America!" I supple- 
mented. 

'^ Oh, Lord, yes ! He asks you that all 
the time, and so does everybody else," he 
said, with a groan. 

" 'Now, you were unkind if you didn't 
tell him all he w^anted you to, for I do as- 
sure you it was pure American kindness 
of heart which made him take all that 
trouble for you. I know, too, without your 
telling me, that he introduced you to all 
the prettiest girls, and gave you a chance 

I) 49 



AS SEEN BY ME 

to talk to eacli of them, and only hovered 
around waiting to take yon on to the next 
one, as soon as he could catch you with 
ease.^' 

" He did just that. How did you know ?" 

'' Because he was a typical American host, 
God bless him, and that is the way we do 
things over there.'' 

^' I^ow here,'' he went on, "we consider 
our duty done if we take a man to dine, and 
then to some reception, where we turn him 
loose after one or two introductions." 

" What a hateful way of doing !" I said, 
politely. 

" It is. It must seem barbarous to you." 

" It does." 

" Or if you are a woman we send our car- 
riages to let you drive where you like. Or 
we send you invitations to go to needlework 
exhibitions where you have to pay five shil- 
lings admission." 

I said nothing, and he laughed. 

" I know they have done that to you," he 
exclaimed. '' Haven't they V 

" I have been delightfully entertained at 
luncheons and dinners and teas, and I have 
been introduced to as charming people in 
London as I ever hope to meet anywhere," 
I said, stolidly. 

" But you won't tell about the needle- 
work. Oh, I say, but that's jolly! Fancy 
50 



AS SE.EN BY ME 

what you said when jou began to get those 
beastly things !" And he laughed again. 

'^ I didn't say anything," I said. Then 
he roared. Yet he claimed to be a '^ typical 
Britisher." 

'^ We mean kindly," he went on. '' Y^ou 
mustn't lay it up against us." 

'^ Oh, we don't. We are having a lovely 
time." 

There are times when the truth would be 
brutal. 

Then this oasis of a man, this " typical 
Britisher," went away, and my sister and I 
dressed for the theatre. A friend had sent 
us her box, and assured us that it was per- 
fectly proper for us to go alone. So we 
went. Up to this time we had not hint- 
ed to each other that we were homesick. 
The play was most amusing, yet we couldn't 
help watching the audience. Such a bored- 
looking set, the women with frizzled hair 
held down by invisible nets, mingling with 
their eyebrows, and done hideously in the 
back. Low - necked go^vns, exhibiting the 
most beautiful shoulders in the world. 
Gorgeous jewels in their hair and gleaming 
all over their bodices, but among half a doz- 
en emerald, turquoise, and diamond brace- 
lets there would appear a silver-watch brace- 
let which cost not over ten dollars, and 
spoiled the effect of all the others. 
51 



ASSEEN BY ME 

English women as a race are the worst- 
dressed women in the world. I saw thou- 
sands of them in Piccadilly and Regent 
Street, and at Chnrch Parade in the Park, 
with high, French-heeled slippers over color- 
ed stockings. And as to sizes, I should say 
nines were the average. There are some 
smaller, but the most are larger. 

The Prince of Wales was in the box oppo- 
site to ours,' and when we were not looking at 
him we gazed at the impassive faces of the 
audience. They never smiled. They never 
laughed. The subtlest points in the play 
went unnoticed, yet it is one which has had 
a record run and bids fair to keep the boards 
for the rest of the season. 

Suddenly my sister, although we had not 
spoken of the homesickness that was weigh- 
ing us down, touched my arm and said, 
" Look quick 1 ■ There's one !" 

^' Where? Where?" 

" Down there just in front of the pit, talk- 
ing to that bald-headed idiot with the mono- 
cle." 

" Do you think she is American?" I said, 
dubiously. I couldn't see her feet. " She 
might be French. She talks all over." 

^^ 'No. She is an American girl. See 
how thin she is. The French are short 
and fat." 

'' Look at her face," I said, enviously. 
52 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" How animated it is. See how it seems to 
stand out among all the other faces." 

"' Yet she is only amusing herself. See 
liow stolid that creature looks that she is 
wasting all her vitality on." 

" She has told him some joke and she is 
laughing at it. He has put his monocle in 
his other eye in his effort to see the point. 
He will get it by the next boat. Wish she'd 
come and tell that joke to me. I'd laugh at 
it." 

My sister eyed me critically. 

" You don't look as if you could laugh," 
she said. 

^^I wonder what would happen if I should 
fall dead and drop over into the lap of that 
fat elephant in pink silk with the red neck," 
I said, musingly. 

''She wouldn't even wink," said my sister, 
laughingly. '' But if you struck her just 
right you would bounce clear up here again 
and I could catch you." 

'' It is just four o'clock in Chicago," I 
said. 

My sister promptly turned her back on me. 

" And Billy has just wakened from his 
nap, and Katy is giving him his food," I 
went on. (Billy is my sister's baby.) '' And 
then mamma will come into the nursery 
presently and take him while Katy gets his 
carriage out, and she will show him my pict- 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ure and ask liim who it is (because she wrote 
me she always did it at this time), and then 
he will say, ' Tattah/ which is the sweetest 
baby word for ' Anntie ' I ever heard from 
mortal lips, and then he will kiss it of his 
own accord. Mamma wrote that he had blis- 
tered it with his kisses, and it's one of the big 
ones, but I don't care; I'll order a dozen 
more if he will blister them all. And then 
she will say, ^ Where did mamma and Tat- 
tah go V and he will wave his precious little 
square hand and say, ^ Big boat,' and she 
says he tries to say, ^ Way off ' — and, oh, 
dear, we are '' way off ' — " 

^^ Stop talking, you fiend," said my sister, 
from the depths of her handkerchief. " You 
know I look like a fright when I cry." 

" Boo-hoo," was my only reply. And 
once started, I couldn't stop. That deadly 
English atmosphere of indifference — and, 
oh — and everything! 

Have you ever been homesick when you 
couldn't get home? Have you ever wanted 
to see your mother so that every bone in your 
body ached? Have you ever been in the 
state where to see the baby for five minutes 
you would give everything on earth you had ? 
That was the way I felt about Billy that 
grewsome night at this amusing play in an 
English theatre. I had on my best clothes, 
but after my handkerchief ceased to avail 
54. 



AS SEEN BY ME 

the tears slopped down on my satin gown, 
and the blisters will remain as a lasting- 
tribute to the contagion of a company of 
English people out enjoying themselves. 

My sister's stern sense of decorum caused 
her to contain herself until she got home, 
but I am free to confess that after I once 
loosed my hold over myself and found what 
a relief it was, I realized the truth of what 
our old negro cook used to say when I w^as a 
child in the South, and asked her why she 
howled and cried in such an alarming man- 
ner when she ^^ got religion." She used to 
say, " Lawd, chile, you don't know how soov- 
in' it is to jest bust out awn 'casions lake 
dese!" 

Happy negroes ! Happy children, who 
can ^' bust out " when their feelings get the 
better of them ! Civilization robs us of 
many of our acutest pleasures. 

That night on the way home from the 
theatre I learned something, i^obodv had 
ever told me that it is the custom to give the 
cabby an extra sixpence Avhen one takes a 
cab late at night, so, on alighting in front of 
our flower-trimmed lodgings, I reached up, 
deposited my shilling in his hand, and was 
turning away, when my footsteps were ar- 
rested by my cabby's voice. 

Turning, I saw him tossing the despised 
shilling in his curved palm and saving: 
55 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" A shillin' ! Twelve o'clock at niglit ! 
Two ladies in evenin' dress! You ought to 
'a' gone in a 'bns ! A cab's too expensive for 
you! I wish you'd 'a' walked and I wish it 
had rained!'' 

With that parting shot he gathered up the 
lines and drove off, while I leaned up against 
the door shaking with a laughter which my 
sister in no wise shared with me. Poor 
Bee! Things like that jar her so that she 
can't get any amusement out of them. To 
her it was terrifying impudence. To me it 
was a heart-to-heart talk with a London 
cabby ! 

Oh, the sweet viciousness of that ^' I wish 
it had rained!'' I wonder if that man beats 
his wife, or if he just converses with her as 
he does with a recreant fare! Anyway, I 
loved him. 

But if I have discovered nothing else in 
the brief time since I left my native land, 
it is worth while to realize the truth of all 
the poetry and song written on foreign shores 
about home. 

To one accustomed to travel only in Amer- 
ica, and to feel at home with all the different 
varieties of one's countrymen, such senti- 
ments are no more than vers de societe. But 
now I know what Heimweh is — ^the home- 
pain. I can understand that the Swiss really 
die of it sometimes. The home-pain ! ISTeu- 
56 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ralgia, you know, and most other acute pains, 
attack only one set of nerves. But Heimiveh 
hurts all over. There is not a muscle of the 
body, nor the most remote fibre of the l^rain, 
nor a tissue of the heart that does not ache 
with it. You can't eat. You can't sleep. 
You can't read or write or talk. It begins 
with the protoplasm of your soul — and 
reaches forward to the end of time, and aches 
every step of the way along. Y^ou want to 
hide your face in a pillow away from every- 
body and do nothing but weep, but even that 
does not cure. It seems to be too private to 
help materially. The only thing I can rec- 
ommend is to " bust out." 

Homesickness is an inexplicable thing. I 
have heard brides relate how it attacked 
them unmercifully and without cause in the* 
midst of their honeymoon. Girl students, 
whose sole aim in life lias been to come 
abroad to study, and who, in finally coming, 
have fondly dreamed that the gates of Para- 
dise had swung open before their delighted 
eyes, have been among its earliest and most 
acutely afflicted victims. 'No success, no 
realized ambitions ward it off. Like death, 
it comes to high and low alike. One woman, 
whose name became famous with her first 
concert, told me that she spent the first year 
over here in tears. ISTothing that friends can 
do, no amount of kindness or hospitality 
57 



AS SEEN BY ME 

avails as a preventive. You can take bro- 
mides and cure insomnia. You can take 
chloroform^ and enough of it will prevent 
seasickness, but nothing avails for Heimweh. 
And like pride, " let him that thinketh he 
standeth take heed lest he fall.'' I have 
been in the midst of an animated recital of 
how homesick I had been the day before, 
ridiculing myself and my malady with unc- 
tuous freedom, when suddenly Billy's little 
face would seem to rise out of the flowers 
on the dinner-table, or the patter of his little 
flying feet as they used to sound in my ear as 
he fluttered down the long hall to my study, 
or the darling way he used to run towards 
me when I held out my arms and said, 
^^ Come, Billy, let Tattah show you the 
doves," with such an expectant face, and that 
little scarlet mouth opened to kiss me — oh, 
it is nothing to anybody else, but it is home 
to me, and I was only recalled to London 
and my dinner party when a fresh attack 
was made on America, and I was called once 
more to battle for my country. 

I have '^ fought, bled, and died " for home 
and country more times than I can count 
since I have been here. I ought to come 
home with honorable scars and the rank of 
field-marshal, at least. I never knew how 
many objectionable features America pre- 
sented to Englishmen until I became their 



AS SEEN BY ME 

guest and broke bread at their tables. I can- 
not eat very much at their dinner parties — I 
am too busy thinking how to parry their at- 
tacks on my America, and especially my Chi- 
cago, and my West generally. The English 
adore Americans, but they loathe America, 
and I, for one, will not accept a divided alle- 
giance. " Love me, love my dog," is my 
motto. I go home from their dinners as 
hungry as a wolf, but covered with Victoria 
crosses. I am puzzled to know if they really 
hate Chicago more than any other spot on 
earth, or if they simply love to hear me fight 
for it, or if their manners need improving. 

I myself may complain of the horrors of 
our filthy streets, or of the way we tear up 
whole blocks at once (here in London they 
only mend a teaspoonful of pavement at a 
time), or of our beastly winds which tear 
your soul from your body, but I hope never 
to sink so low as to permit a lot of foreigners 
to do it. For even as a Parisian loves his 
Paris, and as a 'New Yorker loves his Lon- 
don, so do I love my Chicago. 



Ill 

P AE I S 

It was a fortunate thing, after all, that I 
went to London first, and had my first great 
astonishment there. It broke Paris to me 
gently. 

For a month I have been in this city of 
limited repnblicanism ; this extraordinary 
example of outward beauty and inward un- 
cleanness; this bewildering cosmopolis of 
cheap luxuries and expensive necessities; 
this curious city of contradictions, where 
you might eat your breakfast from the 
streets — they are so clean — but where you 
must close your eyes to the spectacles of the 
curbstones; this beautiful, whited sepulchre, 
where exists the unwritten law, ^' Commit 
any offence you will, provided you submerge 
it in poetry and flowers " ; this exponent of 
outward observances, where a, gentleman 
will deliberately push you into the street if 
he wishes to pass you in a crowd, but where 
his action is condoned by his inexpres-sible 
manner of raising his hat to you, and the 
60 



AS SEEN BY ME 

heartfelt sincerity of his apology ; where one 
man will run a mile to restore a lost franc, 
bnt if you ask him to change a gold piece he 
wdll steal five ; where yonr eyes are ravished 
with the beauty, and the greenness, and the 
smoothness and apparent ease of living of all 
its inhabitants; where your mind is filled 
with the pictures, the music, the art, the gen- 
eral atmosphere of culture and wit; where 
the cooking is so good but so elusive, and 
where the shops are so bewitching that you 
have spent your last dollar without thinking, 
and you are obliged to cable for a new letter 
of credit from home before you know it — 
this is Paris. 

Paris is very educational. I can imagine 
its influence broadening some people so 
much that their own country could never be 
ample enough to cover them again. I can 
imagine it narrowing others so that they 
would return to America more of Puritans 
than ever. It is amusing, it is fascinating, 
it is exciting, it is corrupting. The French 
must be the most curious people on earth. 
How could even heavenly ingenuity create 
a more uncommon or bewildering contradic- 
tion and combination ? Make up your mind 
that they are as simple as children when you 
see their innocent picnicking along the 
boulevards and in the parks with their wdiole 
families, yet you dare not trust yourself to 
61 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Lear what they are saying. Believe that 
they are cynical, and fin de siecle, and skep- 
tical of all women when yon hear two men 
talk, and the next day yon hear that one of 
them has shot himself on the grave of his 
sweetheart. Believe that politeness is the 
rnling characteristic of the conntry because 
a man kisses your hand when he takes leave 
of yon. But marry him, and no insn.lt as re- 
gards other women is too low for him to 
heap upon" you. Believe that the French 
men are sympathetic because they laugh and 
cry openly at the theatre. But appeal to 
their chivalry, and they will rescue you 
from one discomfort only to offer you a 
worse. The French have sentimentality, 
but not sentiment. They have gallantry, 
but not chivalry. They have vanity, but not 
pride. They have religion, but not mo- 
rality. They are a combination of the wild- 
est extravagance and the strictest parsi- 
mony. They cultivate the ground so close 
to the railroad tracks that the trains almost 
run over their roses, and yet they leave a 
Place de la Concorde in the heart of the 
city. 

You can buy the wing of a chicken at a 
butcher's and take it home to cook it. But 
your bill at a restaurant will appall you. 
Water is the most precious and exclusive 
drink you can order in Paris. .Imagine 
62 



A'S SEEN BY ME 

that — you who let the water run to cool it! 
In Paris they actually pay for water in their 
houses by the quart. 

Artichokes, and truffles, and mushrooms, 
and silk stockings, and kid gloves are so 
cheap here that it makes you blink your eyes. 
But eggs, and cream, and milk are luxuries. 
Silks and velvets are bew^ilderingly inexpen- 
sive. But cotton stuffs are from America, 
and are extravagances. They make them 
up into " costumes,'' and trim them with 
velvet ribbon, ^ever by any chance could 
you be supposed to send cotton frocks to be 
washed every week. The luxury of fresh, 
starched muslin dresses and plenty of shirt- 
waists is unknown. 

I never shall overcome the ecstasies of 
laughter which assail me when I see varie- 
ties of coal exhibited in tiny shop windows, 
set forth in high glass dishes, as we exploit 
chocolates at home. But well they may re- 
spect it, for it is really very much cheaper to 
freeze to death than to buy coal in Paris. 

The reason of all this is the city tax on 
every chicken, every carrot, every egg 
brought into Paris. Every mouthful of 
food is taxed. This produces an enormous 
revenue, and this is why the streets are so 
clean ; it is why the asphalt is as smooth as a 
ballroom floor ; it is why the whole of Paris 
is as beautiful as a dream. 
G3 



AS SEEN BY ME 

In factj the city has ideas of cleanliness 
which its middle-class inhabitants do not 
share. On a rainy day in Paris the absurd- 
ly hoisted dresses will expose to your view 
all varieties of trimmed^ ruffled, and lace 
petticoats, which would undeniably be bene- 
fited by a bath. All the lingerie has ribbons 
in it, and sometimes I think they are never 
intended to be taken out. 

When I was at the chateau of a friend not 
long ago she overheard her maid apologizing 
to two sisters of charity, for the presence 
of a bath-tub in her mistress's dressing- 
room : " You must not blame madame la 
marquise for bathing every day. She is not 
more untidy than I, and I, God knows, 
wash myself but twice a year. It is just a 
habit of hers which she caught from the 
English." 

My friend called to her sharply, and told 
her she need not apologize for her bathing, 
to which the maid replied, in a tone of meek 
justification, ^^ But if madame la marquise 
only knew how she was regarded by the 
people for this hahit of hers !'' 

I like the way the French take their 
amusements. At the theatre they laugh and 
applaud the wit of the hero and hiss the vil- 
lain. They shout their approval of a duel 
and weep aloud over the death of the aged 
mother. When they drive in the Bois they 
G4 



AS SEEN BY ME 

smile and have an air of enjoyment quite at 
variance with the bored expression of Eng- 
lish and Americans who have enough money 
to o^vn carriages. We drove in Hyde Park 
in London the day before we came to Paris, 
and nearly wept with sympathy for the un- 
spoken grief in the faces of the unfortunate 
rich who were at such pains to enjoy them- 
selves. 

The second day from that we had a de- 
lightful drive in the Bois in Paris. 

'^ How glad everybody seems to be we have 
come!'' I said to my sister. ^^ See how 
pleased they all look." 

I was enchanted at their gay faces. I felt 
like bowing right and left to them, the way 
queens and circus girls do. 

I never saw such handsome men as I saw 
in London. I never saw such beautiful 
women as I see in Paris. 

The Bois has never been so smart as it 
was the past season, for the horrible fire of 
the Bazar de la Charite put an end to the 
Paris season, and left those who were not 
personally bereaved no solace but the Bois. 
Consequently, the costumes one saw between 
five and seven on that one beautiful boule- 
vard were enough to set one wild. I always 
wished that my neck turned on a pivot and 
that I had eyes set like a coronet all around 
my head. My sister and I were in a con- 



AS SEEN BY ME • 

stant state of ecstasy and of clutching each 
other's gowns, trying to see every one who 
passed. But it was of no use. Although 
they drove slowly on purpose to be seen, if 
you tried to focus your glance on each one 
it seemed as if they drove like lightning, 
and you got only astigmatism for your pains. 
I always came home from the Bois with a 
headache and a stiff neck. 

I never dreamed of such clothes even in 
my dreams- of heaven. But the French are 
an extravagant race. There was hardly a 
gown worn last season which was not of the 
most delicate texture, garnished with chiffon 
and illusion and tulle — the most crushable, 
airy, inflammable, unserviceable material 
one can think of. ISTow, I am a utilitarian. 
When I see a white gown I always wonder 
if it will wash. If I see lace on the foot 
ruffle of a dress I think how it will sound 
when the wearer steps on it going up-stairs. 
But anything w^ould be serviceable to wear 
driving in a victoria in the Bois between five 
and seven, and as that is where I have seen 
the most beautiful costumes I have no right 
to complain, or to thrust at them my Ameri- 
can ideas of usefulness. This rage of theirs 
for beauty is what makes a perpetual honey- 
moon for the eyes of every inch of France. 
The way they study color and put greens 
together in their landscape gardening makes. 
66 



AS SEEN BY ME 

one think with horror of our prairies and 
sagebrush. 

The eye is ravished with beauty all over 
Paris. The clean streets, the walks between 
rows of trees for pedestrians, the lanes for 
bicyclists, the paths through tiny forests, 
right in Paris, for equestrians, and on each 
side the loveliest trees — trees everywhere 
except where there are fountains — but what 
is the use of trying to describe a beauty 
which has staggered braver pens than mine, 
and which, after all, you must see to appre- 
ciate ? 

The Catholic observances one sees every- 
where in Paris are most interesting. When 
a funeral procession passes, every man 
takes off his hat and stands watching it with 
the greatest respect. 

In May the streets are full of sweet- 
faced little girls on their way to their first 
communion. They were all in white, bare- 
headed, except for their white veils, white 
shoes, white gloves, and the dearest look of 
importance on their earnest little faces. It 
was most touching. 

In all months, however, one sees the com- 
ical sight of a French bride and bridegroom, 
in all the glory of their bridal array — white 
satin, veil, and orange blossoms — driving 
through the streets in open cabs, and hug- 
ging and kissing each other with an unctu- 
67 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ous freedom which is apt to throw a conser- 
vative American into a spasm of laughter. 
Indeed, the frank and candid way that love- 
making goes on in public among the lower 
classes is so amazing that at first you think 
you never in this world will become accus- 
tomed to it, but you get accustomed to a 
great many strange sights in Paris. If a 
kiss explodes with unusual violence in a cab 
near mine it sometimes scares the horse, but 
it no longer disturbs me in the least. My 
nervousness over that sort of thing has en- 
tirely worn off. 

I have had but one adventure, and that 
was of a simple and primitive character, 
which seemed to excite no one but myself. 
They say that there is no drunkenness in 
France. If that is so then this cabman of 
mine had a fit of some kind. Perhaps, 
though, he was only a beast. Most of the 
cabmen here are beasts. They beat their 
poor horses so unmercifully that I spend 
quite a good portion of my time standing 
up in the cab and arguing Avith them. But 
the only efficacious argument I have dis- 
covered is to tell them that they will get 
no pourhoire if they beat the horse. That 
seems to infuse more humanity into them 
than any number of Scripture texts. 

On this occasion my cabman, for no rea- 
son whatever, suddenly began to beat his 
68 



AS SEEN BY ME 

horse in the hatefulest way, leaning down 
with his whi}^ and striking the horse under- 
neath, as we were going downhill on the Rue 
de Freycinet. I screamed at him, but he 
pretended not to hear. The cab rocked from 
side to side, the horse was galloping, and this 
brute beating him like a madman. It made 
me wild. I was being bounced around like 
corn in a popper and in imminent danger of 
being thrown to the pavement. 

People saw my danger, but nobody did 
anything — just looked, that was all. I saw 
that I must save myself if there was any sav- 
ing going to be done. So with one last trial 
of my lungs I shrieked at the cabman, but 
the cobblestones were his excuse, and he kept 
on. So I just stood up and knocked his hat 
oif wdth my parasol ! — his big, white, glazed 
hat. It was glorious ! He turned around 
in a fury and pulled up his horse, with a 
torrent of rrencli abuse and impudence 
which scared me nearly to death. I thought 
he might strike me. 

So I pulled my twitching lips into a dis- 
tortion which passed muster with a Paris 
cabmman for a smile, and begged his par- 
don so profusely that he relented and didn't 
kill me. 

I often blush for the cheap Americans 
with loud voices and provincial speech, and 
general commonness, whom one meets over 
69 



AS SEEN BY ME 

here; but with all their faults they cannot 
approach the vulgarities at table which I 
have seen in Paris. In all America we have 
no such vulgar institution as their rince- 
houche — an affair resembling a two-part fin- 
ger-bowl, with the water in a cup in the mid- 
dle. At fashionable tables, men and women 
in gorgeous clothes, who speak four or five 
languages, actually rinse their mouths and 
gargle at the table, and then slop the water 
thus used back into these bowls. The first 
time I saw this I do assure you I would not 
have been more astonished if the next course 
had been stomach pumps. 

And as for the toothpick habit! Let no 
one ever tell me that that atrocity is Amer- 
ican! Here it goes with every course, and 
without the pretended decency of holding 
one's serviette before one's mouth, which, in 
my opinion, is a mere affectation, and aggra- 
vates the offence. 

But the most shameless thing in all Eu- 
rope is the marriage question. To talk with 
intelligent, clever, thinking men and women, 
who know the secret history of all the fa^ 
mous international marriages, as well as the 
high contracting parties, who Avill relate the 
price paid for the husband, and who the in- 
termediary was, and how much commission 
he or she received, is to make you turn faint 
and sick at the mere thought, especially if 
70 



AS SEEN BY ME 

you happen to conle from a country where 
they once fought to abolish the buying and 
selling of human beings. But our black 
slaves were above buying and selling them- 
selves or their children. It remains for civ- 
ilized Europe of our time to do this, and the 
highest and proudest of her people at that. 

It is not so shocking to read about it in 
glittering generalities. I knew of it in 
a vague way, just as I knew the history 
of the massacre of Saint Bartholomew. I 
thought it was too bad that so many people 
were killed, and I also thought it a pity that 
Frenchmen never married without a dot. 
But when it comes to meeting the people who 
had thus bargained, and the moment their 
gorgeous lace and satin backs were turned 
to hear some one say, " You are always so 
interested in that sort of thing, have you 
heard what a scandal was caused by the mar- 
riage of those two?'' — then it ceases to be 
history; then it becomes almost a family 
affair. 

'^ How could a marriage between two un- 
attached young people cause a scandal ?" I 
asked, with my stupid, primitive American 
ideas. 

" Oh, the bride's mother refused to pay 
the commission to the intermediary," was 
the airy reply. " It came near getting into 
the papers." 

71 



AS SEEN BY ME 

At the Jubilee garden party at Lady Mon- 
son's I saw the most beautiful French girl 
I have seen in Paris. She was superb. In 
America she would have been a radiant, a 
triumphant beauty, and probably w^ould 
have acquired the insolent manners of some 
of our spoiled beauties. Instead of that, 
however, she was modest, even timid-look- 
ing, except for her queenly carriage. Her 
gown was a dream, and a dream of a dress 
at a Paris garden party means something. 

"What a tearing beauty!" I said to my 
companion. " Who is she ?" 

"Yes, poor girl!" he said. "She is the 
daughter of the Comtesse N — . One of the 
prettiest girls in Paris. I^ot a sou, however ; 
consequently she will never marry. She will 
probably go into a convent." 

" But why ? Why won't she marry ? 
Why aren't all the men crazy about her ? 
Why don't you marry her?" 

" Marry a girl without a dot f Thank 
you, mademoiselle. I am an expense to 
myself. My wife must not be an additional 
encumbrance." 

" But surely," I said, " somebody will 
want to marry her, if no nobleman will." 

" Ah, yes, but she is of noble blood, and 

she must not marry beneath her. No one in 

her own class will marry her, so " — a shrug 

— " the convent 1 See, her chances are 

72 



AS SEEN BY ME 

quite gone. She 'has been out five years 
now.'' 

I could have cried. Every word of it was 
quite true. I thought of the dozens of sus- 
ceptible and rich American men I knew who 
would have gone through fire and water for 
her, and who, although they have no title to 
give her, would have made her adoring and 
adorable husbands, and I seriously thought 
of offering a few of them to her for con- 
sideration! But alas, there are so many ifs 
and ands, and — well, I didn't. 

I only sighed and said, " Well, I suppose 
such things are common in France, but I 
do assure you such things are impossible in 
America." 

'' Such things as what, mademoiselle ?" 

" This cold-blooded bartering," I said. 
" American men are above it." 

" Are American girls above selling them- 
selves, mademoiselle ? Do you see that poor, 
pitifully plain little creature there, in that 
dress which cost a fortune? Do you see 
how ill she carries it? Do you see her un- 
formed, uncertain manner ? Her husband is 
the one I just had the honor of presenting to 
you, who is now talking to the beauty you so 
much admire." 

^' He shows good taste in spite of his mar- 
riage," I said. 

" Certainly. But his wife is your coun- 
73 



AS SEEN BY ME 

tryAVoman. That is the last famous inter- 
national marriage, and the most vnlgar of 
the whole lot. Listen, mademoiselle, and I 
will tell you the exact truth of the whole 
affair. 

^' She came over here with letters to Paris 
friends, and when it became known that one 
of the richest heiresses in America was here, 
naturally all the mammas w4th marriageable 
sons were anxious to see her. She was in- 
vited everywhere, but as she could not speak 
French, and as she was as you see her, her 
success could not be said to be great. N^o, 
but that made no difference. The Duchesse 
de Z — was determined that her son should 
marry the rich heiress. As she expected to 
remain here a year or more, and the young 
Due de Z — made a wry face, she did not 
press the matter. Then the heiress went 
into a convent to learn French, and the 
Duchesse went to see her very often and took 
her to drive, and did her son's part as well as 
she could. 

''' Suddenly, to the amazement of every- 
body, the heiress sailed for America without 
a word of warning. The Duchesse was fu- 
rious. ^ You must follow her,' she said to 
her son. ^ We cannot let so much money 
escape.' The son said he would be hanged 
if he went to America, or if he would marry 
such a monkey, and as for her money, she 
74 



AS SEEN BY ME 

could go anywhere she pleased with it, or 
words to that effect. So that ended the affair 
of the Due de Z — . When the other im- 
pecunious young nobles heard tliat the 
Duchesse no longer had any claims upon the 
American's money they got together and 
said, ^ Somebody must marry her and divide 
w^ith the rest. We can't all marry her, but 
we can all have a share from whoever does. 
Now we will draw lots to see who must go 
to America and marry her.' The lot fell to 
the Baron de X — , but he had no money for 
the journey. So all the others raised what 
money they could and loaned it to him, and 
took his notes for it, with enormous interest, 
payable after his marriage. He sailed away, 
and within eight months he had married her, 
but he has not paid those notes because his 
w^ife won't give him the money! And these 
gentlemen are furious! Good joke, I call 
it." 

"What a shameful thing!" I said. ''I 
wonder if that girl knew how she was being 
married!" 

"Of course she knew! At least, she 
miffht have known. She was rich and she 

o 

was plain. How could she hope to gain one 
of the proudest titles in France without buv- 
ing it «" 

" I w^onder if she could have known !" I 
said, again. 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" It would not have prevented the mar- 
riage, would it, mademoiselle, if she had ?" 

'' Indeed it would 1" I said (but I don't 
know whether it would or not). He 
shrugged his shoulders. 

" America is very different from Europe, 
then, mademoiselle. Here it would have 
made no difference. When a great amount of 
money is to be placed, one must not have 
too many scruples.'' 

" If she did know," I said, with a fervor 
which was .lost upon him, ^^ believe this, 
whether you can understand it or not: she 
was not a typical American girl." 

I had, as usual, many more words which 
he deserved to have had said to him, but edu- 
cation along this line takes too much time. 
I ought to have begun this great work with 
his great-grandparents. 

•K- * -Jf -Sf * * * 

What any one can see about Dinard to 
like is a mystery to me ! Is it possible that 
one who has spent a month there could ever 
be lured back again? There is a beautiful 
journey from Paris across France. southwest- 
erly to the coast, through odd little French 
villages, vineyards, poppy-iields, and rose- 
gardens, across shining rivulets and through 
an undulating landscape, all so lovely that 
it is no wonder that one expects all this 
beauty to lead up to a climax. But what a 
76 



AS SEEN BY ME 

disappointment Dinard is to one's enthusi- 
astic anticipations! This famous watering- 
place has to my mind not one solitary re- 
deeming feature. It has no excuse for be- 
ing famous. It has not even one happy ac- 
cident about it as a peg to hang its fame 
upon, like some writers' first novels. Di- 
nard simply goes on being famous, nobody 
knows why. And to go there, after reading 
pages about it in the papers and hearing 
people sj)eak of Dinard as Mohammedans 
whisper sacredly of Mecca, is like meeting 
celebrities. You wonder what under the 
sun — what in the world — how in the name 
of Heaven such ugly, stupid, uninteresting, 
heavy, dull, and insufferably ordinary per- 
sons are allowed to become famous by an 
overruling and beneficent Providence! I 
have met many celebrities, and I have 
been to Dinard. I have had my share of 
disappointments. 

To begin with, Dinard is not sufiiciently 
picturesque. There are but one or two pret- 
ty vistas and three or four points of view. 
Then it is not typically French. It is in- 
habited partly by English families who cross 
the Channel yearly from Southampton and 
Portsmouth, and who take with them their 
nine uninteresting daughters, with long 
front teeth and ill-hanging duck skirts, and 
partly by Americans who go to Dinard as 
77 



AS SEEN BY ME 

tliey go to the Eiffel Tower; not that either 
is particularly interesting, but they had 
heard of these places before they came over. 
The only really interesting thing within five 
miles of Dinar d is that, off St. Malo, on the 
island of Grand Be, Chateaubriand is 
buried. But as this really belongs more 
to the attractions of St. Malo than to Dinard, 
and nobody who spends summers at Dinard 
ever mentioned Chateaubriand in my pres- 
ence, or honored his tomb by a visit, it is 
pure charity on my part to ascribe this soli- 
tary point of real interest to Dinard. For, 
after all, Chateaubriand does not belong to 
it. Which logic reminds me forcibly of 
the plea entered by the defence in a suit for 
borrowing a kettle : " In the first place, I 
never borrowed his kettle; in the second 
place, it was whole when I returned it; and,, 
in the third place, it was cracked when I got 
it.'' 

So with Chateaubriand and Dinard. 
Then Dinard has none of the dash and go of 
other watering-places. There is nothing to 
do except to bathe mornings and watch the 
people win or lose two francs at petits che- 
vaux in the evenings. !N'ot wildly exciting, 
that. Consequently, jovl soon begin to stag- 
nate with the rest. 

You grow more and more stupid as the 
weeks pass, and at the end of a month you 
78 



AS SEEN BYME 

cease to think. From that time on you do 
not have such a bad time — that is to say, 
you do not suffer so acutely, because you 
have now got do^vn to the level of the people 
who go back to Dinard the next year. 

We came awaj. The hotels are among 
the worst on earth — musty, old-fashioned, 
and villainously expensive — and one of the 
happiest moments in my life was the day 
when I left Dinard for Mont St. Michel. 
Mont St. Michel is one of the most out-of- 
the-way, un-get-at-able places I found in all 
Europe; but, oh, how it rewards one who 
arrives ! 

Mont St. Michel is too well known to need 
a description. But to go from Dinard re- 
quires, first of all, that one must go by boat 
over to St. Malo, thence by train; change 
cars, and alight finally at a lonely little sta- 
tion, behind which stands a sort of vehicle — 
a cross between a London omnibus and a 
hay-wagon. You scramble to the top of this 
as best you may. iSTobody helps you. The 
Frenchman behind you crowds forward and 
climbs up ahead of you and holds you back 
with his umbrella while he hauls his fat 
wife up beside him. Then you clamber up 
by the hub of the wheel and by sundry awk- 
ward means which remind you of climbing 
a stone wall when you were a child. You 
take any seat left, which the Frenchmen do 
T9 



AS SEEN BY ME 

not want, the horses are put to, and away 
you go over a smooth sandy road for eleven 
miles, with the sea crawling up on each side 
of you over the dunes. 

Suddenly, without warning, you come 
squarely upon Mont St. Michel, rising solid- 
ly five hundred feet from nowhere. There 
is a whole town in this fortress, built upon 
this rock, street above street, like a flight of 
stairs, and house piled up behind house, un- 
til on the very top there is one of the most 
famous cathedrals in the world; and as you 
thread its maze of vaulted chambers and 
dungeons and come to its gigantic tower 
you are lost in absolute wonder at the build- 
ing of it. 

Where did they get the material? And 
when got, what human ingenuity could raise 
those enormous blocks of stone to that vast 
height? How those cannon swept all ap- 
proach by land or sea as far as the eye could 
reach! It would require superb courage 
in an enemy to come within reach of that 
grim sentinel of France, manned by her 
warrior monks. What secrets those awful 
dungeons might relate! Here political 
crimes were avenged with all the cruelty of 
Siberian exile. Here prisoners wore their 
lives away in black solitude, no ray of light 
penetrating their darkness. 

The story is told that one poor wretch 
80 



AS SEEN BY ME 

was eaten alive hj gigantic rats, and they 
have a ghastly reproduction of it in wax, 
which makes yon creepy for a week after 
yon have seen it. ^Nowhere in all Europe 
did I see a place which impressed its wonder 
and its history of horror upon me as did the 
cathedral dungeon of Mont St. Michel. Its 
situation was so impregnable, its capacity so 
vast, its silence and isolation from the outer 
world so absolute. 

All Russia does not boast a situation so 
replete with possible and probable misery 
and anguish such as were suggested to my 
mind here. 

But the wonder and charm of the compact 
little town which clings like a limpet to its 
base are more than can be expressed on the 
written page. It is like climbing the uneven 
stairs of some vast and roofless ancient pal- 
ace, upon each floor of which dwell families 
who have come in and roofed over the suites 
of rooms and made houses out of them. The 
stairs lead you, not from floor to floor, but 
from bakery to carpenter-shop, from the 
blacksmith's to the telegraph-ofiice. 

The streets are paved with large cobble- 
stones, to prevent cart-wheels from slipping, 
and are so narrow that I often had to stand 
up at afternoon tea with my cup in one hand 
and my chair in the other, to let a straining, 
toiling little donkey pass me, gallantly haul- 

F 81 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ing his load of fagots up an incline of forty- 
five degrees. 

The famous inn here is kept by Madame 
Poularde, who can cook so niarvellously that 
she is one of the wonders of N^ormandy. 
Her kitchen faces the main street ; you simply 
step over the threshold as you hear the beat- 
ing of eggs, and there, over an immense open 
fire, which roars gloriously up the chimney, 
are the fowls twirling on their strings and 
dripping deliciously into the pans which 
sizzle complainingly on the coals beneath. 

Presently the roaring ceases, the fresh 
coals are flattened down, and into a skillet, 
with a handle five feet long, is dropped the 
butter, which melts almost instantly. A fat 
little red-faced boy pushes the skillet back 
and forth to keep the butter from burning. 
The frantic beating of eggs comes nearer 
and nearer. The shrill voice of Madame 
Poularde screams voluble French at her as- 
sistants. She boxes somebody's ears, 
snatches the eggs, gives them one final puffy 
beating, which causes them to foam up and 
overflow, and at that exciting moment out 
they bubble into the smoking skillet, the 
handle of which she seizes at the identical 
moment that she lets go of the empty bowl 
with one hand and pushes the red-faced 
boy over backward with the other. It is 
legerdemain! But then, how she manages 
82 



AS SEEN BY ME 

that skillet ! How her red cheeks flush, her 
black eyes sparkle, and her plump hands 
guide that ship of state! 

We are all so excited that we get horribly 
in her way and almost fall into the fire in 
our anxiety. She stirs and coaxes and co- 
quettes with the lovely foamy mass until it 
becomes as light as the yellow down on a 
fledgling's wings. She calls it an omelette, 
but she is scrambling those eggs ! Then 
when it is almost done she screams at us to 
take our places. The red-faced boy rings a 
huge bell, and w^e all tumble madly up the 
narrow stairs to the dining-room, where a 
score of assorted tourists are seated. Tliey 
get that first omelette because they behaved 
better than we did, and were more orderly. 
There are half a dozen little maids who at- 
tend us. They give us bread and bring our 
wine and get our plates all ready, for, behold, 
we can hear below the beating of the eggs 
and the sizzling of the butter, and presently 
Madame Poularde's scream and slap, and 
we know that our omelette is on the way ! 

There were scores of bridal parties there 
when we were, for Mont St. Michel seems to 
be the ISTiagara of France, and really one 
could hardly imagine a more charming place 
for a honeymoon. Indeed, for a newly mar- 
ried couple, for boy and girl, for spinsters and 
bachelors, ay, even for Darby and Joan, 
83 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Mont St. Michel has attractions. All sorts 
and conditions of men here find the most ro- 
mantic and interesting spot to be found in 
the whole of France. 

While here we got telegrams telling us of 
the assembling of our friends at a house- 
party at a chateau in the south of France 
which once had belonged to Charles YII. 
So without waiting for anything more we 
wired a joyful acceptance and set out. We 
did, however, stop over a few hours at Blois, 
in order to see the chateau there. We really 
did Blois in a spirit of Baedeker, for we were 
crazy to see Velor, in order not to miss an 
inch of the good times which we knew would 
riot there. But virtue was its OAvn reward, 
for as we were looking into the depths of the 
first real oubliette which I ever had seen, and 
I was just shivering with the vision of that 
fiendish Catharine de' Medici who used to 
drop people into these holes every morning 
before breakfast, just as an appetizer, we 
heard a most blood-curdling shriek, and there 
stood that wretched Jimmie watching us 
from an open door, waving his Baedeker at 
us, with Mrs. Jimmie's lovely Madonna 
smile seen over his shoulder. 

1^0 one who has not felt the awful pangs 

of homesickness abroad has any idea of the 

joy with which one greets intimate friends 

in Europe. I believe that travel in Europe 

84 



AS SEEN BY ME 

has done more toward the riveting of hike- 
warm American friendships than any other 
thing in the world. 

The Jimmies have often appeared upon 
my pathway like angels of light, and at 
Blois we simply loved them, for Blois is 
not only gloomy, but it has a most ghastly 
history. The murder of the Due de Guise 
and his brother, by order of King Henry 
III., took place here. They show one the 
rooms where the murder was committed, the 
door through which the murderer entered, 
and the private cabinet de travail where the 
king waited for the news. 

Here, also, Margaret of Valois married 
Henry of ^N^avarre, and Charles, Due 
d'Alengon, married Margaret of Anjou. But 
one hardly ever thinks of the weddings 
which occurred here for the horrors which 
overshadOAV them. How fitting that Marie 
de' Medici should have been imprisoned 
here, and my ancient enemy, Catharine, that 
queen-mother who perched her children on 
thrones as carelessly and as easily as did Na- 
poleon and Queen Louise of Denmark — that 
Catharine should have died here, '^ unre- 
gretted and unlamented,'' was too lovely! 

Then we left the magnificent old castle 
and took the train for Port-Boulet, where the 
Marquise met us with her little private 
omnibus, holding eight, drawn by handsome 



AS SEEN BY ME 

American horses. They were new horses 
and yonng, and the Marquise said that 
Charles found them quite unmanageable. 
Jimmie watched him drive them around a 
moment or two before they could be made 
to stand, then he broke out laughing. The 
Marquise was so disgusted at the way they 
see-sawed that she said she was going to sell 
them. 

" Sell them!" cried Jimmie. "Why, all 
in the world that's the matter with those 
poor brutes is that they don't speak French ! 
Let me drive them!" 

So the Marquise saved Charles's vanity by 
saying that monsieur wished to try the new 
horses. Jimmie climbed upon the box, and 
gathered up the reins, saying, " So, old boy, 
you don't like the dratted language any bet- 
ter than I do. Steady now, boy ! Giddap F' 
Whereat the pretty creatures pricked up 
their ears, pranced a little, then sprang into 
their collars, and we were off along the lovely 
river road at a spanking pace and with as 
smooth and even a gait as the most experi- 
enced roadsters. 

We could hear Charles's polite compli- 
ments to Jimmie on his driving, and Jim- 
mie' s awful French, as he assured Charles 
that the horses were all right, " tres gentils " 
and " ires jolis/" '' Ne dites jamais ' douce- 
ment ' aux chevaux americains. Dites 
86 



AS SEEN BY ME 

*" ivJioa/ et Us arrUeroiit, et quand vous dites 
' Giddap/ Us marclieront hien. Savez?'' At 
which Charles obediently practised '^ Whoa !" 
and "Giddap!" while we felt ourselves 
pulled up and started off, as the object-lesson 
demanded, but amid shrieks of laughter 
which quite upset Charles's dignity. 

Finally, we whirled in across the moat and 
under the great gate to the chateau, and 
found ourselves in the billiard-room of 
Velor, with a big open fire, in front of which 
lay a pile of dogs and around which we all 
gathered shiveringly, for the day was chilly. 

That charming billiard-room at Velor! 
It is not so grand as the rest of the chateau, 
but everybody loves it best of all. It is on 
the ground floor, and it has a writing-desk 
and two or three little work-tables and sev- 
eral sofas and heaps of easy-chairs, and here 
everybody came to read or write or sew or 
play billiards. And as to afternoon tea! 
'Not one of us could have been hired to drink 
it in the salons up-stairs. In fact, so many 
of us insisted upon being in the billiard-room 
that there never w^as room for a free play of 
one's cue, for somebody was always in the 
way, and it was rather discouraging to hear a 
woman doing embroidery say, " Don't hit 
this ball. Take some other stroke, can't 
you ? Your cue will strike me in the eye." 

Dunham, the eighteen-year-old son of the 
87 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Marquise, was teachtng me billiards, but his 
manners were so beautiful that he always 
pretended that to stick to one's own ball was 
a mere arbitrary rule, of the game, so he per- 
mitted me to play with either ball, which 
made it easiest for me, or which caused least 
discomfort to those sitting uncomfortably 
near the table. A dear boy, that Dunham ! 
He had but one fault, and that was that he 
would wear cerise and scarlet cravats, and 
his hair was red- — so imcompromisingly red, 
of such an obstinate and determined red, that 
his mother often said, " Come here, Dunham, 
dear, and light up this corner of the room 
with your sunny locks. It is too dark to see 
how to thread my needle !'' Such was his 
amiability that I am sure he enjoyed it, for 
he always went promptly, and called her 
'' Mon amour f' and slyly kissed her when he 
thought we were not looking. 

All our remarks upon his red ties fell upon 
unheeding ears, until one day I bribed his 
man to bring me -e very one of them. These 
I distributed among the women guests, and 
when, the next morning, Dunham came in 
complaining that he couldn't find any of his 
red ties, lo! every woman in the room was 
wearing one; and to our credit be it spoken 
that he failed to get any of them back, and 
never, to my knowledge at least, wore a scar- 
let tie again. 

88 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Velor is historic.^ After it passed out of 
the hands of Charles VII. — I have slept in 
his room, but I must say that he was un- 
pleasantly short if that bed fitted him ! — it 
was bought by the old miser Nivelau, whose 
daughter, Eugenie Belmaison, was the girl 
Balzac wished to marry. In a rage at bein^ 
rejected by her father he wrote Eugenie 
Grandet, and several of the articles, such 
as her work-box, of which Balzac makes men- 
tion, are in the possession of the Marquise. 

Every available room in the Velor was 
filled with our party. Each day we drove in 
the brake to visit some ancient chateau, such 
as Azay-le-Rideau, Islette, Chinon, or the Ab- 
bey of Fontevreault, finding the roads and 
scenery in Touraine the most delightful one 
can imagine. 

Fontevreault was originally an abbey, 
and a most powerful one, being presided over 
by daughters of kings or women of none but 
the highest rank, and these noble women 
held the power of life and death over all the 
country which was fief to Fontevreault. 

Velor was once fief to Fontevreault, but 
the abbey is now turned into a prison. 

They took away our cameras before they 
allowed us to enter, but we saw some of the 
prisoners, of whom there were one thousand. 
The real object of our visit, however, was to 
see the tombs of Henry 11. and of my be- 
89 



AS SEEN BY ME 

loved Richard the Lion-hearted, who are 
both buried at Fontevreault. To go to Fon- 
tevreaultj we were obliged to cross the river 
Vienne on the most curious little old ferry, 
which was only a raft with the edges turned 
up. Charles drove the brake on to this raft, 
but we preferred, after one look into the eyes 
of the American horses, to climb down and 
trust to our own two feet. 

We gave and attended breakfasts with the 
owners of neighboring chateaux, drove into 
Saumur to. the theatre or to dine with the 
officers of the regiment stationed there, and 
had altogether a perfect visit. I have made 
many visits and have been the guest of many 
hostesses, most of them charming ones, hence 
it is no discourtesy to them and but a higher 
compliment to the Marquise when I assert 
that she is one of the most perfect hostesses 
I ever met. 

A thorough woman of the world, having 
been presented- at three courts and speaking 
five languages, yet her heart is as untouched 
by the taint of worldliness, her nature as un- 
embittered by her sorrows, as if. she were a 
child just opening her eyes to society. One 
of the cleverest of women, she is both humor- 
ous and witty, with a gift of mimicry which 
would have made her a fortune on the stage. 

Her servants idolize her, manage the cha- 
teau to suit themselves, which fortunately 
90 



AS SEEN BY ME 

means to perfection, and look npon her as a 
beloved child who must be protected from all 
the minor trials of life. She has rescued the 
most of them from some sort of discomfort, 
and their gratitude is boundless. Like the 
majority of the nobility, the peasants of 
France are royalists. The middle class, 
the hourgeoisie, are the backbone of the re- 
public. 

The servants are stanch Catholics and 
long for a monarchy again. The Marquise 
apologized to them for our being heretics, 
and told them that while we were not Chris- 
tians (Catholics), yet we tried to be good, 
and in the main turned out a fair article, 
but she entreated their clemency and their 
prayers for her guests. So we had the satis- 
faction of being ardently prayed for all the 
time we were there, and of being compli- 
mented occasionally by her maid, Marie, an 
old N^ormandie peasant seventy years old, 
for an act on our part now and then which 
savored of real Christianity. And once when 
we had private theatricals, and I dressed as 
a nun, Marie never found out for half the 
evening that I was not one of the Sisters 
who frequently came to the chateau, but 
kept crossing herself whenever she saw me; 
and when she discovered me she told me, 
with tears in her eyes, it really was a thou- 
sand pities that I would not renounce the 
91 



AS SEEN BY ME 

world and become a Christian, because I 
looked so much like a ^^ religiense/' 

We went in oftenest to Chinon — always 
on market day; some of ns on horseback, 
some on wheels, while the rest drove. Chi- 
non is the fortress chateau where Jeanne 
d'Arc came to see Charles VII. to try to in- 
terest him in her plans. Its ruins stand high 
up on a bluff overlooking the town, and be- 
neath it in an open square is the very finest 
and most spirited equestrian statue I ever 
saw. It is of Jeanne d' Arc, and I only regret 
that the photograph I took of it is too small 
to show its fire and spirit and the mad rush 
of the horse, and the glorious, generous pose 
of the noble martyr's outstretched arms, as 
she seems to be in the act of sacrificing her 
life to her country. There is the divinest 
patriotism in every line of it. 

We saw it on a beautiful crisp day in No- 
vember. It was our Thanksgiving day at 
home. We drove along the lovely river-road 
from Chinon to Velor, and upon our arrival 
we discovered that the Marquise had ar- 
ranged an American Thanksgiving dinner 
for us, sending even to America for certain 
delicacies appropriate to the season. It was a 
most gorgeous Thanksgiving dinner, for, 
aside from the turkey, lol there appeared a 
peacock in all its magnificent plumage, sitr 
ting there looking so dressy with all his 
92 



AS SEEN BY ME 

feathers on that we quite bluslied for the 
state of the turkey^ 

A month of Paris, and then I long for 
fresh fields and pastures new. Of course 
there is nowhere like Paris for clothes or to 
eat. But when one has got all the clothes 
one can afford and is no longer hungry, hav- 
ing acquired a chronic indigestion from too 
intimate a knowledge of Marguery's and 
Ledoyen's, what is there to do but to leave % 

Paris is essentially a holiday town, but I 
get horribly tired of too long a holiday, and 
after the newness is worn off one dis- 
covers that it is the superficiality of it all 
that palls. The people are superficial; 
their amusements are feathery — even the 
beauty of it all is " only skin deep." 

Therefore, after one glimpse of Poland, 
the pagan in my nature called me to the 
East, and six months of Paris have only in- 
tensified my longing to get away — to get to 
something solid; to find myself once more 
with the serious thinkers of the Avorld. 

In the mean time Bee has deserted me for 
the more interesting society of Billy, and 
now she writes me long letters so filled with 
his sayings and doings that I must move on 
or I shall die of homesickness. I have de- 
cided on Russia and the N^ile, taking inter- 
mediate countries by the way. This is en- 
tirely Billy's fault. 

93 



AS SEEN BY ME 

When I first decided to go to Eussia, I 
supposed^ of course, that I could induce the 
Jimmies to go with me, but, to my consterna- 
tion, they • revolted, and gently but firmly 
expressed their determination to go to Egypt 
by way of Italy. So I have taken a com- 
panion, and if all goes well we shall meet 
the Jimmies on the terrace of Shepheard's 
in February. 

I packed three trunks in my very best 
style, only to have Mrs. Jimmie regard my 
work with a face so full of disapproval that 
it reminded me of Bee's. She then pro- 
ceeded to put " everything any mortal could 
possibly want " into one trunk, with what 
seemed to me supernatural skill and com- 
mon-sense, calmly sending the other two to 
be stored at Munroe's. I don't like to dis- 
parage Mrs. Jimmie's idea of what I need, 
but it does seem to me that nearly everything 
I have wanted here in Berlin is " stored at 
Munroe's." 

My companion and I, with faultless arith- 
metic, calculated our expenses and drew out 
what we considered " plenty of French mon- 
ey to get us to the German frontier." Then 
Jimmie took my companion and Mrs. Jim- 
mie took me to the train. 

Their cab got to the station first, and when 
we came up Jimmie was grinning, and my 
companion looked rather sheepish. 
94 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" I didn't have enough money to pay the 
extra luggage/' she whispered. " I had to 
borrow of Mr. Jimmie." 

" That's just like you," I said, severely. 
" Now I drew more than you did." 

Just then Jimmic came up with my little 
account. 

" Forty-nine francs extra luggage," he 
announced. 

'' What ?" I gasped, " on that one trunk ?" 
How grateful I was at that moment for the 
two stored at Munroe's ! 

'^ Oh, Jimmie," I cried, " I haven't got 
near enough! You'll have to lend me 
twenty francs !" 

My companion smiled in sweet revenge, 
and has been almost impossible to travel 
with since then, but we are one in our rage 
against paying extra luggage. Just think 
of buying your clothes once and then paying 
for them over and over again in every for- 
eign country you travel through! Our 
clothes will be priceless heirlooms by the 
time we get home. We can never throw 
them away. They will be too valuable. 

The Jimmies have been so kind to us that 
we nearly choked over leaving them, but 
we consoled ourselves after the train left, 
and proceeded to draw the most invidious 
comparisons between French sleeping-cars 
and the rolling palaces we are accustomed to 
95 



AS SEEN BY ME 

at home. I am ashamed to think that I have 
made unpleasant remarks upon the discom- 
forts of travel in America. Oh, how un- 
grateful I have been for past mercies! 

My companion is very patient, as a rule, 
but I heard her restlessly tossing around in 
her berth, and I said, ^' What's the matter ?" 

" Oh, nothing much. But don't you 
think they have arranged the knobs in these 
mattresses in very curious places ?'" 

Well, it was sl little like sleeping on a 
wood-pile during a continuous earthquake. 
But that was nothing compared to the news 
broken to us about eleven o'clock that our 
luggage would be examined at the German 
frontier at five o'clock in the morning. 
That meant being wakened at half past four. 
But it was quite unnecessary, for we were 
not asleep. 

It was cold and raining. I got up and 
dressed for the day. But my companion 
put her seal-skin on over her dressing-gown, 
and perched her hat on top of that hair of 
hers, and looked ready to cope with Diana 
herself. 

" They'll ruin my things if they unpack 
them," I said. 

^^ You just keep still and let me manage 

things," she answered. So I did. I made 

myself as small as possible and watched her. 

She selected her victim and smiled on him 

96 



AS SEEN BY ME 

most charmingly. He was tearing open the 
trunk of a fat American got np in gray flan- 
nel and curl-papers. He dropped her tray 
and hurried up to my companion. 

" Have you anything to declare, madam ?" 
he asked. 

" Tell him absolutely nothing/' she whis- 
pered to me. I obeyed, but he never took his 
eyes from her. She was tugging at the strap 
of her trunk in apparently wild eagerness to 
get it open. She frowned and panted a little 
to show how hard it was, and he bounded 
forward to help her. Then she smiled at 
him, and he blinked his eyes and tucked the 
strap in and chalked her trunk, with a shrug. 
He hadn't opened it. She kept her eye on 
him and pointed to my trunk, and he chalked 
that. Then seven pieces of hand luggage, 
and he chalked them all. Then she smiled 
on him again, and I thanked him, but he 
didn't seem to hear me, and she nodded her 
thanks and pulled me down a long stone cor- 
ridor to the dining-room where we could get 
some coffee. 

At the door I looked back. The customs 
officer was still looking after my companion, 
but she never even saw it. 

The dining-room was full of smoke, but 
the coffee and my first taste of zwieback were 
delicious. Then we went out through a nar- 
row doorway to the train, where we were 

G 97 



AS SEEN BY ME 

jostled by Frenchmen with their habitual 
'' Pardon F' (which partially reconciles yon 
to being walked on), and knocked into by 
monstrous Germans, who sent us spinning 
without so much as a look of apology, and 
both of whom puffed their tobacco smoke di- 
rectly in cur faces. It was still dark and the 
rain was whimpering down on the car-roof, 
and, take it all in all, the situation was far 
from pleasant, but we are hard to depress, 
and our spirits remain undaunted. 

It was so stuffy in our compartment that 
I stood in the doorway for a few moments 
near an open window. My companion was 
lying down in my berth. We still had nine- 
teen hours of travel before us with no pros- 
pect of sleep, for sleep in those berths and 
over such a rough road was absolutely out 
of the question. 

Near me (and spitting in the saddest man- 
ner out of the open window) stood the meek 
little American husband of the gray flannel 
and curl-papers, whose fury at my com- 
panion for her quick work with the customs 
officer knew no boimds. 

The gray flannel had gone to bed again in 
the compartment next to ours. 

The precision of this gentleman's aim as 

he expectorated through the open window, 

and the marvellous rapidity with which he 

managed his diversion, led me to watch him. 

98 



AS SEEN BY ME 

He looked tired and cold and ill. It was 
still dark outside, and the jolting of the 
train was almost unbearable. He had not 
once looked at me, but with his gaze still on 
the darkness he said, slowly, 

'' They can have the whole blamed coun- 
try for all of me ! I don't want it." 

It was so exactly the way I felt that even 
though he said something worse than 
" blamed,'' I gave a shriek of delight, and 
my companion pounded the pillow in her co- 
operation of the sentiment. 

" You are an American and you are 
Southern,'' I said. 

^^ Yes'm. How did you know ?" 
"By your accent." 

" Y'es'm, I was born in Virginia. I was 
in the Southern army four years, and I love 
my country. I hate these blamed foreigners 
and their blamed churches and their infernal 
foreign languages. I am over here for my 
health, my wife says. But I have walked 
more miles in picture-galleries than I ever 
marched in the army. I've seen more pict- 
ures by Kaphael than he could have painted 
if he'd 'a' had ten arms and painted a thou- 
sand years without stopping to eat or sleep. 
I've seen more ^ old masters,' as they call 
'em, but / call 'em daubs, all varnished till 
they are so slick that a fly would slip on 'em 
and break his neck. And the stone floors are 
99 



•f& 



AS SEEN BY ME 

so cold tliat I get cold clean up to my knees, 
and I don't get warm for a week. Yet I am 
over here for my health ! Then the way they 
rob you — ^these blamed French! Lord, if I 
ever get back to America, where one price in- 
cludes everything and your hotel bill isn't 
sent in on a ladder, and where I can keep 
warm, won't I just be too thankful." 

Just then the gray-flannel door banged 
open and a hand reached out and jerked the 
poor little old man inside, and we heard him 
say, '' But I was only blaming the French. 
I ain't happy over here." And a sharp voice 
said, '^ Well, you've said enough. Don't talk 
any more at all." Then she let him out 
again, but he did not find me in the corridor. 
He found his open window, and he leaned 
against our closed door and again aimed at 
the flying landscape, as he pondered over the 
disadvantages of Europe. 

The sun was just rising over the cathedral 
as we reached Cologne. 

^^ Let's get out here and have our break- 
fast comfortably, see the cathedral, and take 
the next train to Berlin," I said to my com- 
panion. 

She is the courier and I am the banker. 
She hastily consulted her indicateur and as- 
sented. We only had about two seconds in 
which to decide. 

" Let's throw these bags out of the win- 
100 



AS SEEN BY ME 

dow,'' she said. " IVo seen other people 
do it, and the porters catch them/' 

"' Don't throiv them/' I urged. '^ You 
will break my toilet bottles. Poke them out 
gently." 

She did so, and we hopped off the train 
just at daybreak, perfectly delighted at doing 
something we had not planned. 

A more lovely sight than the Cologne 
cathedral, with the rising sun gilding its 
numerous pinnacles and spires, would be 
difficult to imagine. The narrow streets 
were still comparatively dark, and when we 
arrived we heard the majestic notes of the 
organ in a Bach fugue, and found ourselves 
at early mass, with rows of humble wor- 
shippers kneeling before the high altar, and 
the twinkle of many candles in the soft 
gloom. As we stood and watched and lis- 
tened, the smell of incense floated down to 
us, and gradually the flrst rays of the sun 
crept downward through the superb colored- 
glass windoAvs and stained the marble statues 
in their niches into gorgeous hues of purple 
and scarlet and amber. 

And as the priests intoned and the fresh 
young voices of an invisible choir floated out 
and the magnificent rumble of the organ 
shook the very foundation of the cathedral, 
we forgot that we were there to visit a sight 
of Cologne, we forgot our night of discom- 
101 



AS SEEN BY ME 

fort, we forgot everything but the spirit of 
worship, and we came away without speak- 
ing. 

* * * -3^ * * ^ 

From Cologne to Dresden is stupid. We 
went through a country punctuated with 
myriads of tall chimneys of factories, which 
reminded us why so many things in England 
and America are stamped '^ Made in Ger- 
many." 

We arrived at Dresden at five o'clock, and 
decided to stop there and go to the opera 
that night. The opera begins in Dresden at 
seven o'clock and closes at ten. The best 
seats are absurdly cheap, and whole fami- 
lies, whole schools, whole communities, I 
should say, were there together. I never saw 
so many children at an opera in my life. 
Coming straight from Paris, from the the- 
atrical, vivacious, enthusiastic French audi- 
ences, with their abominable claqueurs, this 
first German audience seemed serious, 
thoughtful, appreciative, but unenthusiastic. 
They use more judgment about applause 
than the French. They never interrupt a 
scene or even a musical phrase with mis- 
placed applause because the soprano has ex- 
ecuted a flamboyant cadenza or the tenor 
has reached a higher note than usual. Their 
appreciation is slow but hearty and always 
worthily disposed. The French are given 
102 



AS SEEN BY ME 

to exaggerating an emotion and to applaud- 
ing an eccentricity. Even their subtlety is 
overdone. 

The German drama is much cleaner than 
the French, the family tie is made more of, 
sentiment is encouraged instead of being 
ridiculed, as it too often is in America; but 
the German point of view of Americans 
is quite as much distorted as the French. 
That statement is severe, but true. For in- 
stance, it would be utterly impossible for 
tlie American girl to be more exquisitely 
misunderstood than by French and German 
men. 

Berlin is so full of electric cars that it 
seemed much more familiar at first sight 
than Paris. It is a lovely city, although we 
ought to have seen it before Paris in order 
fully to appreciate it. Its Brandenburg 
Gate is most impressive, and I wanted to 
make some demonstration every time we 
drove under it and realized that the statue 
above it has been returned. Their statue of 
Victory in the Thiergarten is so hideous, 
however, that I was reminded of General 
Sherman's remark when he saw the Pension 
Office in Washington, " And they tell me 
the thing is fireproof P' 

The streets are filled with beautiful 
things, mostly German officers. The only 
trouble is that they themselves seem to know 
103 



AS SEEN BY ME 

it only too well, and as they will not give iis 
any of the sidev/alk, we are obliged to admire 
them from the gutters. The only way you 
can keep Germans from knocking you into 
the middle of the street is to v/alk sideways 
and pretend you are examining the shop 
windows. 

In the eyes of men, women are of little 
account in England compared to the way we 
are treated in America; of less in France; 
and of still less in Germany. We have not 
got to Russia yet. 

Paris seems a city of leisure, Berlin a 
city of war. The streets of Paris are quite 
as full of soldiers as Berlin, but French 
soldiers look to me like mechanical toys. I 
have sent Billy a box of them for Christmas 
— of mechanical soldiers, I mean. The 
chief difference I noticed was that Billy's 
were smaller than the live ones, although 
French soldiers are small enough. That 
portion of the French army which I have 
seen — at Longchamps, Chalons-sur-Marne, 
Saumur, and at various other places — are, as 
a rule, undersized, badly dressed, and badly 
groomed. They do not look neat, nor even 
clean, if you want the truth. The uniform 
is very ugly, and was evidently designed for 
men thirteen feet high ; so that on those com- 
ical little toy Frenchmen it is grotesque in 
the extreme. 

104 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Their trousers are always much too long, 
and so ample in width that they seem to 
need only a belt 'at the ankle to turn them 
into perfect Russian blouses. But English 
and German soldiers not only appear, but 
are, in perfect condition, as though they 
could go to war at a moment's notice, and 
would be glad of the chance. 

I am keeping my eyes open to see how 
America bears comparison with other na- 
tions in all particulars. In point of appear- 
ance the English army stands first, the 
German second, the American third, and the 
French fourth. I put the American third 
only because our uniforms are less impres- 
sive. In everything else, except in numbers, 
they might easily stand first. But uniforms 
and gold lace, and bright scarlet and waving 
plumes, make a vast difference in appearance, 
and every country in the world recognizes 
this, except America. I wish that everybody 
in the United States who boasts of democ- 
racy and Jeffersonian simplicity could share 
my dissatisfaction in seeing our ambassadors 
at Court balls and diplomatic receptions in 
deacons' suits of modest black, without even 
a medal or decoration of any kind, except 
perhaps that gorgeous and overpowering in- 
signia known as the Loyal Legion button, 
while every little twopenny kingdom of a 
mile square sends a representative in a uni- 
105 



AS SEEN BY ME 

form as brilliant as a peony and stiff with 
gold embroidery. 

'No matter how magnificent a man, person- 
ally, our ambassador may be, no matter how 
valuable his public services, no matter how 
unimpeachable his private character, I wish 
you could see how small and miserable and 
mean is the appearance he presents at Court 
functions, where every man there, except the 
representative of seventy millions of people, 
is in some sort of uniform. If it really were 
Thomas Jefferson whose administration in- 
augurated the disgusting simplicity which 
goes by his name, I wish the words had stuck 
in his throat and strangled him. " Jeffer- 
sonian simplicity!" How I despise it! 
Thomas Jefferson, I believe, was the first 
Populist. We had had gentlemen for Presi- 
dents before him, but he was the first one who 
rooted for votes with the common herd by 
catering to the gutter instead of to the sky- 
line, and the tail end of his policy is to be 
seen in the mortifying appearance of our 
highest officials and representatives. Hinc 
illae lachrymae I 

I looked at the servant who announced our 
names in Paris at General Porter's first 
official reception, and even he was much 
more gorgeous in dress than the master of 
the house, the Ambassador Extraordinary 
and Minister Plenipotentiary representing 
106 



AS SEEN BY ME 

seventy millions of people! 'Not even in 
his uniform of a general ! The only man in 
the room in plain black. The United States 
onght to treat her representatives better. 
When Mr. White at Berlin was received by 
the Emperor, he, too, was the only man in 
plain black. 

No wonder we are taken no account of 
socially Avhen we don't even give our ambas- 
sador a house, as all the other countries do, 
and when his salary is so inadequate. Every 
other ambassador except the American has a 
furnished house given him, and a salary 
sufficient to entertain as becomes the repre- 
sentative of a great country. All except 
ours! Yet none of them is obliged to enter- 
tain as continuously as our ambassador, be- 
cause only Americans travel unremittingly, 
and only Americans expect their ambassa- 
dor to be their host. 



" O wad some power the giftie gie us 
To see oursels as ithers see us!" 



Of course I notice such things immensely 
more in Berlin than in Paris, because the 
glory of a Court is much more than the 
twinkle of a republic. 

I have worked myself into such a tower- 
ing rage over this subject that there is no 
getting down to earth gracefully or gradu- 
107 



AS SEEN BY ME 



ally. I have not polished off the matter by 
any manner of means. I have only jnst 
started in, but a row of stars will cool me off. 



Before I came to Berlin I heard so much 
about Unter den Linden, that magnificent 
street of the city, that I could scarcely wait 
to get to it. I pictured it lined on both sides 
with magnificent linden-trees, gigantic, im- 
posing, impressive. I had had no intimate 
acquaintance with linden - trees — and I 
wouldn't .know one now if I should see 
it — but I had an idea from the name — 
linden, linden — that it was grand and wav- 
ing; not so grand as an oak nor so waving 
as a willow, but a cross between the two. 
I knew that I should see these great mon- 
archs making a giant arch over this broad 
avenue and mingling their tossing branches 
overhead. 

What I found when I arrived was a broad^ 
handsome street. But those lindens ! They 
are consumptive, stunted little saplings with- 
out sufficient energy to grow into real trees. 
They are set so far apart that yon have time 
to forget one before you come to another, 
and as to their appearance — we have some 
just like them in Chicago where there is a 
leak in the gas-pipes near their roots. 

On the day before Christmas we felt very 
108 



ASSEENBYME 

low in our minds. We had the doleful pros- 
pect ahead of us of eating Christmas dinner 
alone in a strange country, and in a hotel at 
that, so we started out shopping. E'ot that 
we needed a thing, but it is our rule, " When 
you have the blues, go shopping.'^ It always 
cures you to spend money. 

Berlin shop-windows are much more fas- 
cinating even than those of Paris, because in 
Berlin there are so many more things that 
you can afford to buy that Paris seems ex- 
pensive in comparison. We became so much 
interested in the Christmas display that we 
did not notice the flight of time. When we 
liad bought several heavy things to weigh our 
trunks down a little more and to pay extra 
luggage on, I happened to glance at the sun, 
and it was just above the horizon. It looked 
to be about four o'clock in the afternoon, 
and we had had nothing to eat since nine 
o'clock, and even then only a cup of coffee. 
I felt myself suddenly grow faint and weak. 

'^ Heavens !" I said, ^^ see what time it is! 
We have shopped all day and we have for- 
gotten to get our luncheon." 

[My companion glanced at her watch. 

'' It's only half past eleven o'clock by my 
watch. I couldn't have wound it last night. 
'No, it is going." 

" Perhaps the hands stick. They do on 
mine. Whenever I wind it, I have to hit it 
109 



AS SEEN BY ME 

with tlie hair-lDrush to start it ; and even then 
it loses time every day.'' 

'^ Let's take them both to a jeweller/' she 
said. ^' We can't travel with watches which 
act this way." 

So we left them to be repaired, and as we 
came out, I said, ^^ It will take ns half an 
hour to get back to the hotel. Don't you 
think we ought to go in somewhere and get 
just a little something to sustain us ?" 

'^ Of course we ought," she said, in a 
weak voice. So we went in and got a light 
luncheon. Then we went back to the hotel, 
intending to lie down and rest after such an 
arduous day. 

^^ We must not do this again," I said, firm- 
ly. ^^ Mamma told me particularly not to 
overdo." 

My companion did not answer. She was 
looking at the clock. It was just noon. 

^' Why, that clock has stopped too," she 
said. 

But as we .looked into the reading-room 
that clock struck twelve. Then it dawned 
on me, and I dropped into a chair and nearly 
had hysterics. 

"It's because we are so far north!" I 
cried. " Our watches were all right and the 
sun's all right. That is as high as it can 
get!" 

She was too much astonished to laugh. 
110 



AS SEEN BY ME ^ 

" And you had to go in and get luncheon 
because you' felt so faint/' she said, in a tone 
of gentle sarcasm. - 

" Well, you confessed to a fearful sense 
of goneness yourself." 

" Don't tell anybody/' she said. 

"I should think not!" I retorted, with 
dignity. " I hope I have some pride." 

" Have you presented your letter to the 
ambassador?" she asked. 

" Yes, but it's so near Christmas that I 
suppose he won't bother about two waifs like 
us until after it's over." 

" My ! but you are blue," she said. " I 
never heard you refer to yourself as a waif 
before." 

^^ I am a worm of the dust. I wish there 
wasn't such a thing as Christmas ! I wonder 
what Billy will say when he sees his tree." 

" Y^ou might cable and find out," she said. 
" It only costs about three marks a word. 
' What did Billy say when he saw his tree V 
— nine words — it would cost you about eight 
dollars, without counting the address." 

Dead silence. I didn't think she was at 
all funny. 

" Don't you think we ought to have cham- 
pagne to-morrow ?" she asked. 

" What for ? I hate the stuff. It makes 
me ill. Do you want it ?" 

" 'Noy only I thought that, being Christ- 
Ill 



ASSEENBYME 

mas, and very expensive, perhaps it would 
do you good to spend — " 

A knock on the door made us both jump. 

^^ His Excellency the Ambassador of the 
United States to see the American ladies !" 

It was, indeed, Mr. White and Mrs. White, 
and Lieutenant Allen, the Military Attache ! 

^^ Oh, those blessed angels !" I cried, buck- 
ling my belt and dashing for the wash-stand, 
thereby knocking the comb and hand-glass 
from the grasp of my companion. 

They had come within an hour of the 
presentation of my letter, and they brought 
with them an invitation from Mrs. Allen for 
us to join them at Christmas dinner the next 
day, as Mrs. White said they could not bear 
to think of our dining alone. 

I had many beautiful things done for me 
during my thirty thousand miles travel in 
Europe, but nothing stands out in my mind 
with more distinctness than the affectionate 
welcome I received into the homes of our 
representatives in Berlin. And, in passing, 
let me say this, I am distinctly proud of 
them, one and all. I say this because one 
hears many humiliating anecdotes of the 
mistakes made by the men and women sent 
to foreign Courts, appointed because they 
had earned some recognition for political 
services. Those of us who have strong na- 
tional pride and a sense of the eternal fit- 
112 



ASSEENBYME ^ 

ncss of things, are obliged to hear such 
things in shamed silence, and offer no re- 
tort, for there can -be no possible excuse for 
mortifying lapses of etiquette. And these 
things will continue until our government 
establishes a school of diplomacy and makes 
a diplomatic career possible to a man. 

As long as it is possible for an ex-coroner 
or sheriff to be appointed to a secretaryship 
of a foreign legation — a man who does not 
speak the language and wjiose wife under- 
stands better how to cope with croup and 
measles than with wives of foreign diplo- 
mats who have been properly trained for this 
vocation, just so long shall we be obliged to 
bear the ridicule heaped upon us over here, 
which our government never hears, and 
wouldn't care if it did! 

Imagine the relief with which I met our 
Berlin representatives 1 At the end of four 
years there will be no sly anecdotes whis- 
pered behind fans at their expense, for they 
have all held the same office before and 
are well equipped by training, education, 
and native tact to bear themselves with a 
proud front at one of the most difficult 
Courts of Europe. I look back upon that 
little group of Americans with feelings of 
unmixed pride. 

Mr. White invited us to go with him that 
afternoon to see the tombs of the kings at 
H 113 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Charlottenburg ; and when his gorgeons- 
liveried footman came to announce his pres- 
ence, the hotel proprietor and about forty of 
his menials nearly crawled on their hands 
and knees before us, so great is their defer- 
ence to pomp and power. 

I wish to associate Berlin with this beau- 
tiful mausoleum. It is circular in shape, 
and the light falls from above through 
lovely colored-glass windows upon those re- 
cumbent marble statues. The dignity, the 
still, solemn beauty of those pale figures 
lying there in their eternal repose, fill the 
soul with a" sense of the great majesty of 
death. 

When we got back to the hotel we found 
that the same good fortune which had at- 
tended lis so far had ordained that the Amer- 
ican mail should arrive that day, and be- 
hold! there were all our Christmas letters 
timed as accurately as if they had only gone 
from Chicago to ^ew York. 

Christmas letters ! How they go to the 
heart when one is five thousand miles away ! 
How we tore up to our rooms, and oh ! how 
long it seemed to get the doors unlocked and 
the electric light turned up, and to plant 
ourselves in the middle of the bed to read 
and laugh and cry and interrupt each other, 
and to read out paragraphs of Billy's funny 
baby-talk ! 

114 



ASSEENBYME ^ 

While we were still discussing them, the 
proprietor came up to announce to us that 
there was to be a Christmas Eve entertain- 
ment in the main dining-room that evening, 
and would the American ladies do him the 
honor to come down ? The American ladies 
would. 

When we went down we found that the 
enormous dining-room was packed with peo- 
ple, all standing around a table which ran 
around two sides of the room. A row of 
Christmas trees, covered with cotton to rep- 
resent snow, occupied the middle of the 
room, and at one end was a space reserved 
for the lady guests, and in each chair was a 
handsome bouquet of violets and lilies-of-the- 
valley. 

This entertainment was for the servants 
of the hotel, of whom there were three hun- 
dred and fifty. 

First they sang a Lutheran hymn, very 
slowly, as if it were a dirge. Then there 
was a short sermon. Then another hymn. 
Then the manager made a little speech and 
called for three cheers for the proprietor, 
and they gave them with a fervor that nearly 
split the ears of the groundlings. 

Then a signal was given, and in less than 

one minute three hundred and fifty paper 

bags were produced, and three hundred and 

fifty plates full of oranges, apples, buns, 

115 



ASSEENBYME 

and sweetened breads were emptied into 
them. The table looked as if a plague of 
grasshoppers had swept over it. 

Then each servant presented a number 
and received a present from the tree, and 
that ended the festivity. But so typical of 
the fatherland, so paternal, so like one great 
family ! 

Participating in this simple festival 
brought a little of the Christmas feeling 
home to us and made us almost happy. We 
knew that our American parcels would not 
be delivered until the next day, so we had 
but just tinie to reread our precious letters 
when the clock struck twelve, and with much 
solemnity my companion and I presented 
each other with our modest Christmas pres- 
ent — ^which each had announced that she 
wanted and had helped to select ! But, then, 
who would not rather select one's own 
Christmas presents, and so be sure of get- 
ting things that one wants ? 

On Christmas morning registered pack- 
ages began to arrive for both of us. The 
first ten presents to arrive for my com- 
panion were pocket - handkerchiefs. My 
first ten were all books. Evidently the dear 
'family had thought that American books 
would be most acceptable over here, and I 
could see, with a feeling that warmed my 
heart, how carefully they had consulted my 
116 



AS SEEN BY ME ^ 

taste, and had tried to remember to send 
those I wanted. But I am of a frugal mind, 
and thoughts of th-e extra luggage to be paid 
on bound books would intrude themselves. 
However^ I made no remark over the first 
ten, but before the day was over I had re- 
ceived twenty-two books and one pen-wiper, 
and my vocabulary was exhausted. My 
companion continued to receive handker- 
chiefs until the room was full of them. Take 
it all together, there was a good deal of 
sameness about our presents, but they have 
been useful as dinner anecdotes ever since. 
Now that I have sent all mine to be stored 
at Munroe's, together with all my other ne- 
cessities, I feel lighter and more buoyant 
both in mind and trunk. 

A Christmas dinner in a foreign land, in 
the midst of the diplomatic corps, is the most 
undiplomatic thing in the world, for that is 
the one time when you can cease to be diplo- 
matic and dare to criticise the government 
and make personal remarks to your heart's 
content. 

It was a beautiful dinner, and after it 
was over we were all invited to the chil- 
dren's entertainment at Mrs. Squiers's. She 
had gathered about fifty of the American 
colony for Christmas carols and a tree. 
Immediately after the ambassador arrived 
the children marched in and recited in 
117 



AS SEEN BY ME 

chorus the verses about the birth of Christ, 
beginning, " Now in the days of Herod the 
King.'' Then they sang their carols, and 
then '' Stille Nacht,'' and they sang them 
beautifully, in their sweet, childish voices. 

After these exercises the doors were 
thrown open, and the most beautiful Christ- 
mas-tree I ever beheld burst upon the view 
of those children, who nearly went wild with 
delight. 

After everybody had gone home except 
" the diplomatic family," which for the time 
being included us, we picnicked on the re- 
mains of the Christmas turkey for supper, 
and there was as little ceremony about it as 
if it had been at an army post on the fron- 
tier. We had a beautiful time, and every- 
body seemed to like everybody very much 
and to be excellent friends. 

Then Mr. and Mrs. White escorted us 
back to our hotel, which wasn't at all nec- 
essary, but which illustrates the way in 
which they treated us all the time we were 
there. 

This ended a truly beautiful Christmas, 
for, aside from being unexpected and in 
striking contrast to the forlornness we had 
anticipated, we had been taken into the fami- 
lies of beautiful people, whose home life was 
an honor and an inspiration to share. 

On New Year's day we started early and 
118 



AS SEEN BY ME ' 

went to Potsdam to visit the palace of Sans 
Soiici. 

A most curious 'and interesting little old 
man who had been a guide there for thirty 
years showed us through the grounds, where 
the King's greyhounds are buried, and where 
he pleaded to be buried with them. The 
guide had no idea that he possessed a certain 
dramatic genius for pathos, for, parrot-like, 
he was repeating the story he had told per- 
haps a thousand times before. But when he 
showed us the graves of the greyhounds 
which ate the poisoned food which had been 
prepared for the King, he said : 

^' And they lie here. Xot there with the 
other dogs, the favorites of the King, but 
here, alone, disgraced, without even a head- 
stone. Without even their names, although 
they saved the great King from death and 
gave their lives for his. Yet they lie here, 
and the others lie there. It is the way of 
the world, ladies.'' 

Then he took us to the top of the terrace 
facing the palace, and, pointing to the en- 
trance, he said: 

" In the left wing were the chambers of 
the King's guests. In the right wing were his 
own. Therefore, he placed a comma between 
those two words ' Sans ' and ^ Souci,' to indi- 
cate that those at the left were ^ without,' 
while with himself was — ^ Care.' " 
119 



AS SEEN BY ME 

While we were there the Emperor drove 
by and spoke to our cabman, saying, " How 
is business ?" Seeing how mnch pleasure it 
gave the poor fellow to repeat it, we kept 
asking him to tell ns what the Kaiser said to 
him. 

First my companion would say: 

" When was it and what happened ?" 

And when he had quite finished, I would 
say: 

" It wasn't the Emperor himself, was it ? 
It must have been the coachman who spoke 
to you." 

^^ 'No, not so, ladies. It was the great 
Kaiser himself. He said to me — " And 
then we would get the whole thing over 
again. It was charming to see his pleas- 
ure. 

When we returned home we entered the 
hotel between rows of palms, and we dropped 
money into each of them. It seemed to me 
that fifty servants were between me and the 
elevators. However, it was New Year's, and 
we tried not to be bored by it. 

People talk so much of the expense of 
foreign travel, but to my mind the greatest 
expenditures are in paying for extra luggage 
and in fees. Otherwise, I fancy that 
travel is much the same if one travels luxu- 
riously, and that in the long run things 
would be about equal. The great difference 
120 



AS SEEN BY ME , 

is that in America all travel luxuries are 
given to yon for the price of yonr ticket, and 
here yon pay for each separate necessity, to 
say nothing of luxury, and your ticket only 
permits you to breathe. But the annoyance 
of this continuous habit of feeing makes life 
a burden. One pays for everything. It is 
the custom of the country, and no matter if 
you arrange to have " service included," it is 
in the air, in the eyes of the servants, in the 
whole mental atmosphere, and you fee, you 
fee, you fee until you are nearly dead from 
the bother of it. In Germany they raise 
their hats and rise to their feet every time 
you pass, even if you pass every seven min- 
utes, and when the time comes for you to go, 
you have to pay for the wear and tear of 
these hats. 

In Paris, at the theatre, you fee the wom- 
an who shows you to your seat, you fee the 
woman who opens the door and the woman 
who takes your wraps. One night in mid- 
summer we stepped across from the Grand 
Hotel to the opera without even a scarf for a 
wrap, and the woman was so disappointed 
that we were handed from one attendant to 
another some half dozen times as '^ three 
ladies without wraps." And the next one 
would look us over from head to foot and re- 
peat the words, " Three ladies without 
wraps," until we laughed in their faces. 
121 



AS SEEN BY ME 

French servants are the cleverest in the 
world if you want versatility, bnt thej are 
absolutely shameless in their greed, and look 
at the size of yonr coin before they thank 
you. In fact, the words in which they thank 
you indicate whether your fee was not 
enough, only modest, or handsome. 

"It is not too much, madam," or " thanks, 
madam,'' or " I thank you a thousand 
times" show your status in their estima- 
tion. 

If you are an American they reserve the 
right to rob you by the impudence of their 
demands, until rather than have a scene, 
you give them all they ask. I have fol- 
lowed in the footsteps of a French woman 
and given exactly what she did, and had 
my money flung in derision upon the pave- 
ment. 

German servants seem to have more self- 
respect, for while they expect it quite as 
much, they smile and thank you and never 
look at the coin before your eyes. Perhaps 
they know from, the feeling of it, but even 
if you place it upon the table behind them 
they thank you and never look at it or take 
it until you turn away. 

However, you fee unmercifully here too. 

You fee the man at the bank who cashes 

your checks, you fee the street-car conductor 

who takes your fare, you fee every uni- 

122 



AS SEEN BY ME 

formed hireling of the government, whether 
lie has done anything for you or not. 

The only persons whom I have neglected 
to fee so far are the ambassadors. 

But then, they do not wear uniforms! 



lY 



I AM just able to sit up, and I couldn't 
think of a thing I wanted to eat if I thought 
a week. I came on this yachting trip be- 
cause my friends begged me to. They said 
it would be an experience for me. It has 
been. 

The Hela started out with a party of ten 
on board, who were on pleasure bent. We 
have come up the English Channel from Di- 
nard to Ostend, but before we had been out 
an hour we struck a gale, to which veterans 
on seasickness will refer for many a long 
day as " that fearful time on the Channel." 

On the whole, I don't know but that I 
myself might be considered a veteran on sea- 
sickness. I have averaged crossing the Chan- 
nel once a month ever since I've been over 
here. I have got into the habit of crossing 
the Channel, and I can't seem to stop. It 
always appears that I am in the wrong place 
for whatever is going on, for just as sure as 
I go to London somebody sends for me to 
124 



AS SEEN BY ME 

come to Paris, and I rusli for the Cliamiel, 
and I have no sooner unpacked my trunks 
in Paris, and bargained that service and 
electric lights shall be included, than some- 
body discovers that I am imperatively need- 
ed in England, and I make for the Channel 
again. The Channel is like Jordan. It 
always rolls between. 

But even in crossing the Channel there is 
everytliing in knowing how. I have discard- 
ed the private state-room. It is too expen- 
sive, and I am not a bit less uncomfortable 
than when occupying six feet of the settee in 
the ladies' cabin, with my feet in the flowers 
of another woman's hat. In fact, I prefer 
the latter. The other woman is always too 
ill to protest or to move. I have now, by 
long and patient practice, proved to my own 
satisfaction what serves me best in case of 
seasickness. I will not stay on deck. I 
will not eat or drink anj^thing to cure it. I 
will not take anything to prevent it. I will 
not sit up, and I will not keep my hat on. 
When I go on board of a Channel steamer 
my first act is to shake hands with my 
friends and to go below. There I present the 
stewardess with a modest testimonial of my 
regard. I also give her my ticket. Then 
I select the most desirable portion of the set- 
tee, near a port-hole, from which I can get 
fresh air. I take off my hat and lie down. 
125 



AS SEEN BY ME 

The steamer may not start for an hour. 'No 
matter. There I am, and there I stay. 
The Channel may be as smooth as glass, but 
I travel better flat. Like manuscrijDt, I am 
not to be rolled. Sometimes I am not ill at 
all, but I freely confess that those times are 
infrequent and disappointing. 

ISTow, of course, this is always to be ex- 
pected in crossing the Channel, but my 
friends said in going up the Channel we 
would not get those choppy waves, and 
that I would find that the Hela swam like 
a duck. 

In analyzing that statement since, with a 
view to classifying it as truth or otherwise, 
I have studied my recollections of ducks, 
and I have come to the conclusion that in a 
rough sea a duck has every right to be sea- 
sick, for she wobbles like everything else 
that floats. For real comfort, give me some- 
thing that's anchored. I^evertheless, I was 
persuaded to join the party. 

Everybody came down at Dinar d to see 
us off, and quite a number even went over 
to St. Malo with us in the electric launch, 
for the Hela drew too much water to enter 
the harbor at Dinard at low tide. 

We were a merry party for the first hour 

on board the Hela — until we struck the 

gale. It has seemed to me since that our 

evil genius was hovering over us from the 

126 



AS SEEN BY ME 

first, and simply waited until it would be out 
of the question to turn back before emptying 
the vials of her wrath on our devoted heads. 
It did not rain. The sun kept a malevolent 
eye upon us all the time. It simply blew 
just one straight, unrelenting, unswerving 
gale. And it came so suddenly. We were 
all sitting on deck as happy as angels, when, 
without a word of warning, the Hela simply 
turned over on her side and threw us all out 
of our chairs. I caught at a mast as I went 
by and clung like a limpet. There was tar 
on the mast. It isn't there any more. It 
is on the front of my new white serge yacht- 
ing dress. Jimmie coasted across the deck, 
and landed on his hands and knees against 
the gunwale. If he had persisted in stand- 
ing up he would have gone overboard. The 
women all shrieked and remained in a tan- 
gled heap of chairs, and. rugs, and petticoats, 
waiting for the yacht to right herself, and 
for the men to come and pick them up. But 
the yacht showed no intention of righting 
herself. She continued to careen in the 
position of a cab going round Piccadilly 
Circus on one wheel. The sailors were all 
running around like ants on an ant-hill, and 
the captain was shouting orders, and even 
lending a hand with the ropes himself. I 
don't know the nautical terms, but they were 
taking down the middle sail — the mainsail, 
127 



AS SEEN BY ME 

that's it. It did not look dangerous, because 
the sun kept shining, and I never thought of 
being frightened. I just clung to the mast, 
watching the other people right themselves, 
and laughing, when suddenly everything 
ceased to be funny. The decks of the Hela 
took on a wavy motion, and I blinked my eyes 
in order to see better, for everything was 
getting very indistinct, and there were green 
spots on the sun. Suddenly I realized that 
I was a long way from home, and that I was 
even a long way from my state-room. I only 
had just about sense enough left to remember 
that the mast was my very best friend and 
that I must cling there. 

After that, I remember that somebody 
came up behind me and pried my hands loose 
from the mast. 

The doctor's voice said, " Can you walk ?" 

I smiled feebly and said, " I used to 
know how." But evidently my efforts were 
not highly successful, for he picked me up, 
white serge, tar, green spots on the sun, and 
all, and carried me below, a limp and hu- 
miliated bit of humanity. 

Mrs. Jimmie and Commodore Strossi 
followed with more anxiety than the occasion 
warranted. 

Then Mrs. Jimmie sent the men away, 
and I felt pillows under my head, and cam- 
phor under my nose, and hot-water bags 
. 128 



AS SEEN BY ME 

about me; and I must have gone to sleep or 
died, or something, for I don't remember 
anything more until the next day. 

They were very nice to me, for I was such 
a cheerful invalid. It seemed to surprise 
them that I could even pretend to be happy. 
I knew that it must be an uncommon gale 
from the way Commodore Strossi studied the 
charts, and because even his wife, for whom 
the yacht was named, was ill, and she had 
spent half her life on the sea. The poor 
little French cabin-boy was ill, too, and went 
around, with a Xile-green countenance, 
waiting on people, before he w^as obliged to 
retire from active service. 

The pitching of the yacht was something 
so terrible that it got to be hysterically fun- 
ny. It couldn't seem dangerous with the 
sun streaming down the companion-way and 
past my state-room windows. About ^Ye 
o'clock on the second day they began to tack, 
and then I heard shrieks of laughter and the 
crash of china, and groans from the saloon 
settee, where young Bashforth was lying 
ghastly ill. 

At the first lurch my trunk tipped over, 
and all the bottles on the wash-stand bound- 
ed across to the bed, and most of them struck 
me on the head. It frightened me so that I 
shrieked, and Jimmie came running down 
to see if I was killed. 
I 129 



AS SEEN BY ME 

As I raised my head I saw Ms horrified 
gaze fairly riveted to my face, and I felt 
something softly trickling down. I touched 
it, and then looked at my hand and discov- 
ered that it was wet and red. 

" Good heavens, yonr face is all cut 
open/' gasped Jimmie, in a voice that re- 
vealed his terror. 

Mrs. Jimmie was just behind him, and I 
saw her turn pale. In a flash I saw myself 
disfigured for life, and probably having to 
be sewed up. The pain in my face became 
excruciating, and I began to think yachting 
rather serious business. 

^^ Run for the doctor, Jimmie," said his 
wife. Jimmie obediently ran. 

" Does it hurt very much, dear ?" she 
said, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

" Awfully,'' I murmured. 

The doctor came, followed by Francois, 
with a basin of hot water and sponges, and 
a nasty-looking little case of instruments. 
Mrs. Jimmie held my hand. They turned on 
the electric lights and opened the windows. 
Jimmie had my salts. The doctor careful- 
ly wet a sponge and tenderly bathed my 
cheek, and I held my breath ready to shriek 
if he hurt me. Commodore Strossi stood 
at the door with an anxious face. Sudden- 
ly the doctor reached for a broken bottle half 
hidden under my pillow. 
130 



AS SEEN BY ME 

"Oh, what is it, doctor?" asked Mrs. 
Jimmie. . " What makes you look so 
queer ?" 

" This is iodine on her face. Her bottle 
has emptied itself. That is all." 

We gazed at each other for a moment or 
two, then I nearly went into hysterics. Jim- 
mie' s face was a study. 

" You said it was blood, Jimmie," I said. 

" Well, you said it hurt," he retorted. 

" Well, it did. When you said I was 
covered with blood it hurt awfully." 

The doctor went out much chagrined that 
he had not been called upon to sew up a 
wound. I had a relapse, brought on by 
young Bash forth' s jeering remarks as he 
frantically clung to the handles of the locker 
which formed the back of the settee where 
he lay prostrate. 

I was too utterly done up to reply, for 
two days' violent seasickness rather takes 
the mental ginger out of one's make-up. 
But Fate avenged me in this wise. The door 
of my state-room opened int^ the dining- 
room, and my bed faced the door. Opposite 
to me was the settee on which Bashforth was 
coiled, and back of him was the locker for the 
tinned mushrooms, sardines, lobster, shrimp, 
caviar, deviled ham, and all the things which 
well people can eat. This locker had brass 
handles let into the mahogany, and to these 
131 



AS SEEN BY ME 

handles the poor fellow clung when the yacht 
lurched. 

His cruel words of derision had hardly 
left his pale lips before they tacked again. 
He was not holding on, but he hastily 
snatched at the handles. He was too late, 
however, for he was tossed from the settee 
to the legs of the dining-room table (which, 
fortunately, were anchored) without touch- 
ing the floor at all. He described a perfect 
parabola. It was just the way I should have 
tossed him had I been Destiny. He gripped 
the table-legs like a vise, coiling himself 
around them like a poor navy-blue python 
with a green face. He thought the worst 
was over, but in his last clutch at the locker 
he had accidentally opened it, and at the 
next lurch of the yacht all the cans bounded 
out and battered his unprotected back like a 
shower of grape-shot. The yacht lurched 
again and the cans rolled back. She pitched 
forward, and again the mushrooms and dev- 
iled ham aimed for him. The noise brought 
everybody, and at first nobody tried to help 
him. They just couldn't see because of the 
tears in their eyes from laughing. As for 
me, I managed to crawl to the foot of the 
bed and cling to a post, so weak I couldn't 
wipe the tears away, but laying up an 
amount of enjoyment which will enrich my 
old age. 

132 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Finally, Jimmie got sorry for him, and 
went and, tried to pick him up. But he was 
laughing so, he dropped him. 

" Oh, Jimmie,^ I pleaded. " Don't drop 
anybody who is seasick. Drop well people if 
you must. But put him on the settee care- 
fully." 

'' I'll put him there," said Jimmie, wiping 
his eyes on his coat-sleeve. '^ But I don't 
say I'll do it the first time I try. I'll get 
him there by dinner-time: — I hope." 

It was dangerous to ridicule anybody in 
that gale, for the doctor in the companion- 
way was leaning in at my window and laugh- 
ing in his big English voice, when the Hela 
lurched and pitched him half-way into my 
state-room. There he balanced with his 
hands on my trunk. 

He was rather a tight fit, which interested 
Jimmie more than young Bashforth, so he 
left the boy and came around and pried the 
doctor back into the companion-way. 

The Hela was a fickle jade, for no sooner 
would she shake us up in such an alarming 
manner than she would seem to regret her 
violence, and would skim like a bird for an 
hour or so, with no perceptible motion. She 
w^ould not even flap her big Avhite wings, but 
she cut through the water with a whir and a 
rush which exhilarated me as flying must 
stir the heart of a sea-gull. 
133 



AS SEEN BY ME 

She beliaved so well after five o'clock that 
they decided to try to eat dinner from the 
dinner-table — a thing they had not done 
since we started. There were only four of 
them able to appear — Mr. and Mrs. Jimmie, 
the doctor, and the Commodore. 

They pnt the racks np and took every pre- 
caution. The only mistake they made was in 
using the yacht's lovely china, which bore the 
Strossi crest under the Uelas private flag. 

Jimmie and his wife sat opposite each 
other. I put three pillows under my head, 
the better to watch them, when suddenly the 
yacht tilted Mrs. Jimmie and her chair over 
backward. Jimmie saw her going and 
reached to save her. But he forgot to set 
down his soup-plate. The result was that 
she got Jimmie's soup in her face, and that 
he slid clear across the table on his hands and 
knees, taking china and table-cloth with him, 
and they all landed on top of poor Mrs. Jim- 
mie (who, even as I write, is in her state- 
room having her hair washed). 

Her chief wail, when she could speak, was 
not that her head ached from the blow, or 
that she was half strangled with tepid soup, 
but that Jimmie had broken all the china. 
She could not be comforted until the Com- 
modore proved that some of the china had 
been broken previously, by showing her the 
fragments wrecked on the first day out. 
134 



AS SEEN BY ME 

That last catastrophe has apparently 
settled things. Everybody has turned in to 
repair damages, and, perhaps, afterwards to 
sleep. 

The Commodore is stiidyin_i>- the charts on 
the dining-room table, and the captain, an 
American, has just put his head in at the 
door and said : 

" She's sailing twelve knots an hour under 
just the fores'l, sir, and she's running like a 
scairt dog." 



Americans are so accustomed to out- 
rageous distances that a journey of fifty 
hours is mere play. But I sincerely believe 
that no other trait of ours causes the Euro- 
pean to regard our nation with such sus- 
picion as our utter unconcern of long jour- 
neys. Nothing short of accession to a title 
or to escape being caught by the police 
would induce the Continental to travel over 
a few hours. So when I decided to go to 
Poland in order to be a member of a 
gorgeous house-party, I might as well have 
robbed a bank and given my friends some- 
thing to be suspicious of. They never be- 
lieved that I would do such a fatiguing and 
unheard-of thing until I really left. 

But Poland has always beckoned me like a 
friend — a friend which combined all the 
135 



AS SEEN BY ME 

poetry, romance, fascination, nobility, and 
honor of a first love. If the Pole is prond, 
he has something to be prond of. His honor 
has dignity. His country's sorrows touch 
the heart. Polish literature has sentiment, 
her music has fire, her men of genius stand 
out like heroes, her women are adorable. 
Balzac describes not only one but a not in- 
frequent type when he dedicates Modeste 
Mignon " To a Polish Lady " in the most ex- 
quisite apostrophe which ever graced the 
entrance-hall to one of the noblest novels of 
this inimitable master. 

" Daughter of an enslaved land, angel 
through love, witch through fancy, child by 
faith, aged by experience, man in brain, 
woman in heart, giant by hope, mother 
through sorrow, poet in thy dreams, to Thee 
belongs this book, in which thy love, thy 
fancy, thy experience, thy sorrow, thy hope, 
thy dreams, are the warp through which is 
shot a woof less brilliant than the poesy of 
thy soul, whose expression when it shines 
upon thy countenance is, to those who love 
thee, what the characters of a lost language 
are to scholars." 

Such a tribute as this would of itself be 
sufficient to turn the heart expectantly tow- 
ards Poland, to say nothing of the interest 
her history has for the brain. The history 
of Poland is one long struggle for home and 
136 



AS SEEN BY ME 

country. The Pole is a patriot by inheri- 
tance. Ilis patriotism goes deeper than his 
h)ve. 

His country comes first in his soul, and 
for that reason the Poles have in me an en- 
thusiastic ally, an ardent admirer, and a sym- 
pathetic friend. 

In speaking of the story of Poland with a 
cold-blooded reader of history I expressed 
my appreciation of the noble proportions of 
their struggles and my sympathy for their 
present unfortunate plight, to which she re- 
plied: " Yes, but it is so entirely their own 
fault. They are so fiery, so precipitate, so 
romantic. They got themselves into it! 
Their poesy and romance and folly make 
them charming as individuals, but ridiculous 
as a nation. I like the Poles, but I have no 
patience with Poland." How exactly the 
world's verdict on the artistic temperament ! 
There is a round hole, and, lo and behold ! 
all squares must be forced into it ! 

Suppose that everything resolved itself 
into the commonplace; wdiere would be your 
imagination, your fancy, your rich experi- 
ence of the heart and soul ? Poland fur- 
nishes just this element in history. Her 
struggles are so romantic, her follies so 
charmingly natural to a high-strung nation, 
her despair so profound, her frequent revolu- 
tions so buoyant in hope, that she reminds 
137 



AS SEEN BY ME 

me of a brilliant woman striving to make 
dull women understand her, and failing as 
persistently and completely as the artistic 
temperament always fails. 

A frog spat at a glowworm. " Why do 
you spit at mef' said the glowworm. 
" Why do you shine so V^- said the frog. 

Poland's singers have voices so piercingly 
sweet; her novelists have pens touched with 
such divine fire ; her actors portray so much 
of the soul; her patriots have always shown 
such reckless and inspiring bravery; and 
now, in her desolation and subjection, there 
is still so much pride, such noble dignity 
under her losses, that of all the countries in 
the world Poland holds both the heart and 
mind by a fascination of which she herself 
is unconscious, marking a noble simplicity 
of soul which is in itself an added indication 
of her queenly inheritance. 

Julia Marlowe in her Countess Ya- 
le sha is a Pole to her finger-tips. Her 
acting is superb. Cleopatra herself never 
felt nor inspired, a diviner passion than Va- 
leska ; but when it came to a question of her 
love or her country she rose above self with 
an almost superhuman effort and saved her 
country at the expense of her love. 

JSTo American who has not the same awful 
passion of patriotism; no one who is not a 
lover of his country above home or friends or 
138 



AS SEEN BY ME 

wife or children; who does not love his 
America second only to his God ; whose blood 
does not prickle in his veins at the sound of 
^' The Star-Spangled Banner," and whose 
eyes do not fill with tears at the sight of 
'' Old Glory " floating any^vhere, can under- 
stand of what patriotism the Pole is capable. 

N^or can one who has not the foolish, ro- 
mantic, nervous, high-strung, artistic tem- 
perament understand from within Poland's 
national history. For that reason one is apt 
to find famous places in Europe which have 
only an historical significance somewhat dis- 
appointing. One fails to find in a battle 
fought for the sake of conquest by an over- 
weening ambition such soul-stirring pathos 
as in the leading of a forlorn hope from the 
spirit of patriotism, or of a woman's plead- 
ings where a man's arguments have failed. 
For that reason Austerlitz touches one not 
so nearly as the struggle around Memel. As 
we drew near Memel things began to look 
lonely and foreign and queer, and its pict- 
uresque features were enhanced by recollec- 
tion of ^N^apoleon and Queen Louise. 

Memel is near Tilsit, and the river ITie- 
men, or Memel, empties into the Baltic just 
below here. The conference on the raft ap- 
peals to me as one of the most thrilling and 
yet pitiably human events in all history. 

Its sickening anticlimax to poor Queen 
139 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Louise was so exactly in keeping with the 
smaller disappointments which assail her 
more humble sister women in every walk of 
life that it takes on the air of a heart tragedy. 
I tried to imagine the feelings of the Queen 
when she journeyed to Memel to hold her 
famous interview with Napoleon. How her 
pride must have suffered at the thought of 
lowering herself to plead for her husband 
and her country at Napoleon's hands ! How 
she hated him before she saw him ! How she 
more than hated him after she left him! 
How she must have scorned the beauty upon 
which Napoleon commented so idly when a 
nation's honor was at stake! A typical act 
of the emperor of the French nation! Na- 
poleon proved by that one episode that he 
was more French than Corsican. 

In the Queen's illness at Memel she was so 
poorly housed that long lines of snow sifted 
in through the roof and fell across her bed. 
But that was as nothing to her mental dis- 
quiet while the fate of her beloved Prussia 
hung in the balance. 

There is a bridge across the Memel at the 
exact spot where the famous raft conference 
is said to have taken place. As we crossed 
this bridge it seemed so far removed from 
those stormy daj^s of strife that it was diffi- 
cult to imagine the magnificent spectacle of 
the immense armies of Napoleon and Alex- 
140 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ancler drawn up on either bank, while these 
two powerful monarchs were rowed out to 
the raft to decide the fate of Frederick 
William and his lovely queen. 

And although to them Prussia was the 
issue of the hour, how like the history of in- 
dividual lives was this conference I For Prus- 
sia's fate was almost ignored, while the con- 
versation originally intended to consume but 
a few moments lengthened into hours, and 
Napoleon and xilexander, having sworn eter- 
nal friendship, proceeded to divide up Europe 
between tliem, and parted with mutual ex- 
pressions of esteem and admiration, having 
quite forgotten a trifle like the King and 
Queen of Prussia and their rage of anxiety. 

But all these memories of ISTapoleon and 
Prussia gave way before the vital fact that 
we were to visit a lovely Polish princess and 
see some of her charming home life. I had 
been duly informed by my friends of the 
various ceremonies which I would encoun- 
ter, and which, I must confess, rendered me 
rather timid. I only hoped my wits would 
not desert me at the crucial moment. 

For instance, if the archbishop were there 
I must give him my hand and then lean for- 
w^ard and kiss his sleeve just below the shoul- 
der. I only hoped my chattering teeth would 
not meet in his robe. So when I saw the 
state carriage of the princess at the station 
141 



^AS SEEN BY ME 

of Memel, drawn by four horses, and with 
numbers of servants in such queer liveries to 
attend to my luggage, I simply breathed a 
prayer that I would get through it all suc- 
cessfully ; and if not, that they would lay any 
lapses at the door of my own eccentricities, 
and not to the ignorance of Americans in 
general, for I never wish to disgrace my 
native land. 

The servants wore an odd flat cap, like a 
tam-o'-shanter with a visor. Their coats 
were of bright blue, with the coat-of-arms of 
the princess on the brass buttons. This coat 
reached nearly to their feet, and in the back 
it was gatherod full and stiffened with can- 
vas, for all the world like a woman's pannier. 
I thought I should die the first time, I got 
a side view of those men. 

It was late Friday afternoon when we left 
the train, and we drove at a tremendous pace 
through lonely forests Avhich we were only 
too happy to leave behind us. Suddenly we 
came upon the little village of Kretynga, 
whose streets were paved with cobblestones 
the size of a man's two fists. 

To drive slowly over cobblestones is not a 
joy, but to drive four Russian horses at a 
gallop over such cobblestones as those was 
something to make you bite your tongue and 
to break your teeth and to shake your very 
soul from its socket. 

142 



AS SEEN BY ME 

The town is inhabited by Polish Jews, and 
a filthy, greasy, nauseating set they are, both 
men and women. The men wear two or 
three long, oily, tight curls in front of their 
ears. Their noses are hooked like a parrot's. 
Their countenances are sinister, and I be- 
lieve they have not washed since the Flood. 
The women, when they marry, shave their 
heads. Then they either wear huge wigs, 
which they use to wipe their hands on with- 
out the ceremony of washing them first, or 
else they wear a black or white or gray satin 
hood-piece with a line to imitate the parting 
of the hair embroidered on it. 

IvTothing is clean about them. I no longer 
wonder that Jews are expelled from Russia. 
It makes one rather respect Russia as a clean 
country. As it was Friday night, one win- 
dow-sill in each house was filled with a row 
of lighted candles representing each mem- 
ber of the family who was either absent or 
dead. 

Being so far away from home myself, this 
appealed to me as such a touching custom 
that it made my eyes smart. 

Presently a clearing in the forest revealed 
the famous monastery of Kretynga — a mon- 
astery famous for being peopled with priests 
and monks whom the Tzar has exiled because 
they took too much interest in politics for his 
nerves. Then soon after passing this monas- 
143 



AS SEEN BY ME 

tery we entered the gronnds of the castle. 
Still the longest part of the drive lay before 
us, for this one of the many estates of the 
Princess lies between the Memel and the 
Baltic Sea, and covers a large territory. 

But finally, after driving through an 
avenue of trees which are worth a dictionary 
of words all to themselves, we came to the 
castle, a huge structure, which seemed to 
spread out before us interminably, for it was 
too dark to see anything but its majestic out- 
lines. 

The Princess in her own home v/as even 
lovelier than she had been in Paris, and 
charitably allowed us to have one night's rest 
before meeting the family. 

About three o'clock in the morning I 
was awakened by a mournful chant, all in 
minor, which began beneath my windows 
and receded, growing fainter and fainter, 
until at last it died away. It was the hymn 
which the peasants always sing as they go 
forth to their work in the fields; but its 
mournful cadence haunted me. The next 
morning the largeness of the situation 
dawned upon me. The size of the rooms 
and their majestic furnishings were almost 
barbaric in their splendor. The tray upon 
which my breakfast was served was of mas- 
sive silver. The coffee-pot, sugar-bowl, and 
plates were of repousse silver, exquisitely 
144 



AS SEEN BY ME 

wrought, but so large tliat one could hardly 
lift tiicm. 

In a great openwork basket of silver were 
any number of sweetened breads and small 
cakes and buns, all made by the baker in the 
castle, who all day long does nothing but 
bake bread and pastry. They do not serve 
hot milk with coffee, for which I blessed 
them from the bottom of my soul, but they 
have little bro^vn porcelain jugs which they 
fill with cream so thick that you have to take 
it out with a spoon — it won't pour.; — and 
these they heat in ovens, and so serve you hot 
cream for your coffee. 

I call the gods from Olympus to testify to 
the quality of the nectar this combination 
produces. Some of those little porcelain 
jugs are going on their travels soon. 

Meeting the various members of the Prin- 
cess's charming family and remembering 
their titles was not an ordeal at all — at least 
it was not after it was over. They were 
quite like other people, except that their 
manners were unusually good. There was 
to be a hunt that morning — an amusing, 
luxurious sort of hunt quite in my line; 
one where I could go in a carriage and see 
the animals caught, but where I need not see 
them killed. 

They were to hunt a mischievous little 
burrowing animal something like our bad- 
K 145 



AS SEEN BY ME 

gQV, which is as great a pest to Poland as the 
rabbits are to Australia. They destroy the 
crops by eating their roots, so every little 
while a hunt is organized to destroy them in 
large numbers. The foresters had been sent 
out the night before to discover a favorite 
haunt of theirs, and to fill up all the en- 
trances to their burrows; so all that we had 
to do was to drive to the scene of action. 

It sounds simple enough, but I most sol- 
emnly assure you that it was anything but a 
simple drive to one fresh from the asphalt 
of Paris, for, like Jehu, they drove furi- 
ously. 

Their horses are all wild, runaway 
beasts, and they drive them at an uneven 
gallop resembling the gait of our fire-engine 
horses at home, except that ours go more 
slowly. Sometimes the horses fall down 
when they drive across country, as they stop 
only for stone walls or moats. The carriages 
must be built of iron, for the front wheels 
drop a few feet into a burrow every now and 
then, and at such times an unwary American 
is liable to be pitched over the coachman's 
head. '' Hold on with both hands, shut 
your eyes, and keep your tongue from be- 
tween your teeth,'' would be my instructions 
to one about to " take a drive " in Poland. 

When we came to the place we found the 
foresters watching the daclishunde. These I 
146 



AS SEEN BY ME 

discovered to be long, flat, shallow dogs with 
stumpy legs — a dog which an American has 
described as '^ looking as if he was always 
coming out from under a bureau." Very 
cautiously here and there the foresters un- 
covered a burrow, and a dachshund disap- 
peared. Then from below ground came the 
sounds of fighting. The dachshunde had 
found their prey. The foresters ran about, 
stooping to locate the sound. When they 
discovered the spot a dozen of them at once 
began to dig as fast as they could. 

Presently a wTithing, rolling, barking 
bunch of fur and flying sand came into view, 
when a forester with a long forked stick 
caught the animal just back of its head and 
flung it into a coarse sack, which was then 
tied up and thrown aside, and the hunt went 
on. After we all went home the foresters 
gathered up these bags and killed the poor 
little animals somehow — mercifully, I hope. 

The dinner, which came at two o'clock, 
was so much of a function, on account of the 
number of guests in the house, that it im- 
pressed itself upon my memory. 

First in the salon there were small tables 
set, containing hors d'oeuvres. There were 
large decanters containing vodhe, a liquor 
something like Chinese rice-brandy. There 
w^ere smoked goose, smoked bear, and sal- 
mon, white and black bread, all sorts of 
147 



AS SEEN BY ME 

sausages, anchovies and caviar, of course. 
After these had been tasted largely by the 
guests who were not Americans, and who 
knew that a formidable dinner yet had to be 
discussed, we were all seated at a table in 
the grand dining-room. 

There were a hundred of us, a;nd the table 
held enough for twice that many. We began 
with a hot soup made of fermented beet- 
juice. This we found to be delicious, but 
I seemed to be eating transparent red ink 
with parsley in it. This was followed by a 
cold soup made of sour cream and cucum- 
bers, with ecrevisse, a small and delicious 
lobster. There was ice in this. 

Cucumbers and sour cream ! Let me see, 
wasn't it President Taylor who died of eat- 
ing cherries and milk? 

Then came a salad of chicken and lettuce, 
and then huge roasts garnished with exqui- 
site French skill. 

After the sweets came the fruit, such 
fruits as even our own California cannot 
produce, with white raspberries of a size 
and taste quite indescribable. When dinner 
is over comes a very pretty custom. The 
hostess, whose seat is nearest the door, rises, 
and each guest kisses her hand or her arm 
as he passes out, and thanks her in a phrase 
for her hospitality. Sometimes it is only 
" Thank you, princess " ; sometimes '' Many 
148 



AS SEEN BY ME 

tlianks for your beautiful dinner," or any- 
thing you like. They speak Polish to each 
other and to their servants, but they are such 
wonderful linguists that they always address 
a guest in his own language. To their 
peasants, however, who speak an unlearnable 
dialect, they are obliged always to have an 
interpreter. 

At six o'clock came tea from samovars 
four feet high and of the most gorgeous 
repousse silver. Melons, fruit, and all sorts 
of bread are served with this. Then at eight 
a supper, very heavy, very sumptuous, very 
luxurious. 

The whole day had been charming, exhil- 
arating, different from anything we had 
ever seen before; but there was to follow 
something which impressed itself upon my 
excitable nerves with a fascination so be- 
wildering that I can think of but one thing 
which would give me the same amount of 
heavenly satisfaction. This would be to 
have Theodore Thomas conduct the Chicago 
orchestra in the " Tannhauser '' overture in 
the Court of Honor at the World's Fair some 
night with a full moon. 

But to return. The Princess excused her- 
self to her Protestant guests after supper, 
and then her family, with the servants and 
all the guests who wished, assembled in the 
winter garden to sing hymns to the Virgin. 
140 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Tlie winter garden is like a gigantic conser- 
vatory four stories high. It connects the two 
wings of the castle on the ground floor, and 
all the windows and galleries of the floors 
ahove overlook it. 

It is the most beautiful spot even in the 
daytime that I ever saw connected with any 
house built for man. But at night to look 
down upon its beauty, with its palms, its 
tall ferns, its growing, climbing, waving 
vines and flowering shrubs, with its divine 
odors and fragrances and sweet dampnesses 
from mosses and lovely, moist, green, grow- 
ing things, is to have one's soul filled with a 
poetry undreamed of on the written page. 

The candles dotting the soft gloom, the 
spray from the fountains blowing in the air 
and. tinkling into their marble basins, the 
tones of the grand organ rumbling and soar- 
ing up to us, the moonlight pouring through 
the great glass dome and filtering through 
the waving green leaves, dimpling on the 
marble statues and making trembling shades 
and shadows upon the earnest faces of the 
worshippers, the penetrating sadness of their 
minor hymns — all the sights and sounds 
and fragrances of this winter garden made 
of that hour " one to be forever marked 
with a white stone." 

150 



VILN^A, RUSSIA 

We met our first real discourtesy in Ber- 
lin at the hands of a German, and although 
he was only the manager of an hotel, we lay 
it up against him and cannot forgive him 
for it. It happened in this wise : 

My companion, being the courier, bought 
our tickets straight through to St. Peters- 
burg, with the privilege of stoppir.g a week 
in Vilna, where we were to be the guests of a 
Polish nobleman. When she sent the porter 
to check our trunks she told him in faultless 
German to check them only to Vilna on those 
tickets. But as her faultless German gener- 
ally brings us soap when she orders coffee, 
and hot water when she calls for ice, I am 
not so severe upon the stupidity of the porter 
as she is. However, when he came back and 
asked for fifty-five marks extra luggage to St. 
Petersburg Ave gave a wail, and explained to 
the manager, who spoke English, that we 
were not going to St. Petersburg, and that 
we were not particularly eager to pay out 
fifty-five marks for the mere fun of spend- 
151 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ing money. If the choice were left to lis we 
felt that we could invest it more to our satis- 
faction in belts and card-cases. 

He was very big and handsome, this Ger- 
man, and doubtless some meek frdulein loves 
him, but we do not, and, moreover, we pity 
her, whoever and wherever she may be, for 
we know by experience that if they two are 
ever to be made one he will be that one. He 
said he was sorry, but that, doubtless, when 
we got to the Russian frontier we could ex- 
plain matters and get our trunks. But we 
could not speak Russian, we told him, and 
we wanted things properly arranged then 
and there. He clicked his heels together and 
bowed in a superb manner, and we were sure 
our eloquence and our distress had fetched 
him, so to speak, when to our amazement he 
simply reiterated his statements. 

^^ But surely you are not going to let two 
American women leave your hotel all alone 
at eleven o'clock at night with their luggage 
checked to the wrong town ?" I said, in wide- 
eyed astonishment. 

Again he clicked those heels of his. Again 
that silk hat came off. Again that superb 
bow. He was very sorry, but he could do 
nothing. Doubtless we could arrange things 
at the frontier. It was within ten minutes 
of train time, and we were surrounded by 
no fewer than thirty German men — guests, 
152 



AS SEEN BY ME 

porters, hall-boys — who listened curiously, 
and offered no assistance. 

I looked at my companion, and she look- 
ed at me, and ground her teeth. 

^^ Then you absolutely refuse us the cour- 
tesy of walking across the street with us and 
mending matters, do you ?" I said. 

Again those heels, that hat, that bow. I 
could have killed him. I am sorry now that 
I didn't. I missed a glorious opportunity. 

So off we started alone at eleven o'clock 
at night for Poland, with our trunks safe- 
ly checked through to St. Petersburg, and 
fifty-five marks lighter in pocket. 

My companion kept saying, ^^ Well, I 
never !" A pause. And again, ^^ Well, I 
never!" And again, "Did you ever in all 
your life!" Yet there was no sameness in 
my ears to her remarks, for it was all that I, 
too, wanted to say. It covered the ground 
completely. 

I was speechless with surprise. It kept 
recurring to my mind that my friends in 
America who had lived in Germany had told 
me that I need expect nothing at the hands of 
German men on account of being a woman. 
I couldn't seem to get it through my head. 
But now that it had happened to me — now 
that a man had deliberately refused to cross 
the street — no farther, mind you ! — to get us 
out of such a mess ! Why, in America, there 
153 



AS SEEN BY ME 

isn't a man from the President to a chimney- 
sweep, from a major-general to the blackest 
nigger in the cotton fields, who wouldn't do 
ten times that much for any woman ! 

I shall never get over it. 

With the courage of despair I accosted 
every man and woman on the platform with 
the words, '^ Do you speak English ?" But 
not one of them did. Nor French either. 
So with heavy hearts we got on the train, 
feed the porter four marks for getting us 
into this dilemma (and incidentally carry- 
ing our hand-luggage), and when he had the 
impertinence to demand more I turned on 
him and assured him that if he dared to 
speak another word to us we would report 
him to His Excellency the American Am- 
bassador, who was on intimate terms with 
the Kaiser; and that I would use my influ- 
ence to have him put in prison for life. He 
fled in dismay, although I know he did not 
understand one word. My mariner, how- 
ever, was not affable. Then I cast myself 
into my berth in a despairing heap, and 
broke two of the. wings in my hat. 

My companion was almost in tears. 
" Never mind," she said. " It was all my 
fault. But we may get our trunks, anyway. 
And if not, perhaps we can get along with- 
out them." 

'' Impossible !" I said. ^^ How can we 
154 



AS SEEN BY ME 

spend a week as guests in a house \vithout a 
change of clothes ?" 

In order not to let her know how worried 
I was, I told her that if we couldn't get our 
trunks off the train at Vilna we would give 
up our visit and telegraph our excuses and 
regrets to our expectant hostess, or else come 
])ack from St. Petersburg after we had got 
our precious trunks once more within our 
clutches. 

All the next day we tried to find some one 
who spoke English or French, but to no 
avail. We spent, therefore, a dreary day. 
By letting my companion manage the cus- 
toms officers in patomime we got through 
the frontier without having to unlock any- 
thing, although it is considered the most 
difficult one in Europe. 

The trains in Kussia fairly crawl. In- 
stead of coal they use wood in their engines, 
which sends back thousands of sparks like 
the tail of a comet. It grew dark about two 
o'clock in the afternoon, and we found our- 
selves promenading through the bleakest 
of winter landscapes. Tiny cottages, emit- 
ting a bright red glow from infinitesimal 
windows, crouched in the snow, and silent 
fir-trees silhouetted themselves against the 
moonlit sky. It only needed the howl of 
wolves to make it the loneliest picture the 
mind could conceive. 

155 



AS SEEN BY ME 

When we were within an hour of Vilna I 
heard in the distance my companion's fa- 
miliar words, '"' Pardon me, sir, bnt do you 
speak English ?'' And a deep voice, which I 
knew without seeing him came from a big 
man, replied in French, ^^ For the first time 
in my life I regret that I do not." 

At the sound of French I hurried to the 
door of our compartment, and there stood a 
tall Russian officer in his gray uniform and 
a huge fur-lined pelisse which came to his 
feet. 

When my companion wishes to be amusing 
she says that as soon as I found that the man 
spoke French I whirled her around by the 
arm and sent her spinning into the corner 
among the valises. But I don't remember 
even touching her. I only remembered that 
here was some one to whom I could talk, 
and in two minutes this handsome Russian 
had untangled my incoherent explanations, 
had taken our luggage receipt, and had as- 
sured us that he himself would not pause 
until he had seen our trunks taken from the 
train at Vilna. ' If I should live a thousand 
years I never shall forget nor cease to be 
grateful to that superb Russian. He was so 
very much like an American gentleman. 

We were met at the station by our Polish 
friends, our precious trunks were put into 
sledges, we were stowed into the most com- 
156 



AS SEEN BY ME 

fortable of equipages, and in an hour we 
were installed in one of the most delightful 
homes it was ever my good fortune to enter. 

I never realized before what people can 
suffer at the hands of a conquering govern- 
ment, and were it not that the young Tzar 
of Russia has done away, either by public 
ukase or private advice, with the worst of 
the wrongs his father permitted to be put 
upon the Poles, I could not bear to listen to 
their recitals. 

Politics, as a rule, make little impression 
upon me. Guide-books are a bore, and his- 
tories are unattractive, they are so dry and 
accurate. My father's grief at my lack of 
essential knowledge is perennial and deep- 
seated. But, somehow, facts are the most 
elusive things I have to contend with. I can 
only seem to get a firm grasp on the imagi- 
nai'j. Of course, I know the historical facts 
in this case, but it does not sound personally 
pathetic to read that Russia, Prussia, and 
Austria divided Poland between them. 

But to be here in Russia, in what was once 
Poland, visiting the families of the Polish 
nobility; to see their beautiful home-life, 
their marvellous family affection, the respect 
they pay to their women; to feel all the 
charm of their broad culture and noble sym- 
pathy for all that makes for the general 
good, and then to hear the story of their op- 
157 



AS SEEN BY ME 

pression, is to feel a personal ache in the 
heart for their national burdens. 

It does not somid as if a grievous hardship 
were being put upon a conquered people to 
read in histories or guide-books that Prussia 
is colonizing her part of Poland with Ger- 
mans — selling them land for almost nothing 
in order to infuse German blood, German 
language, German customs into a conquered 
land. It does not touch one's sympathies 
very much to know that Austria is the only 
one of the three to give Poland the most of 
her rights, and in a measure to restore her 
self-respect by allowing her representation 
in the Reichstag and by permitting Poles to 
hold office. 

But when you come to Russian Poland 
and know that in the province of Lithuania 
— which was a separate and distinct province 
until a prince of Lithuania fell in love with 
and married a queen of Poland, and the two 
countries were joined. — Poles are not al- 
lowed to buy one foot of land in the country 
where they were born and bred, are not per- 
mitted to hold office even when elected, are 
prohibited from speaking their own language 
in public, are forbidden to sing their Polish 
hymns, or to take children in from the streets 
and teach them in anything but Russian, 
and that every one is taught the Greek relig- 
ion, then this colonization becomes a burn- 
158 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ing question. Then yon knoAV bow to appre- 
ciate America, where we have full, free, and 
unqualifi^ liberty. 

The young Tzar has greatly endeared him- 
self to his Polish subjects by several humane 
and generous acts. One was to remove the 
tax on all estates (over and above the ordi- 
nary taxes), which Poles were obliged to 
pay annually to the Russian government. 
Another was to release school-children from 
the necessity of attending the Greek church 
on all Russian feast-days. These two were 
by public ukase, and as the Poles are passion- 
ately grateful for any act of kindness, one 
hears nothing but good words for the Tzar, 
and there is the utmost feeling of loyalty to 
him among them. I hear it constantly said 
that if he continue in this generous policy 
Russia need never apprehend another Polish 
revolution. And while by a revolution they 
could never hope to accomplish anything, 
there being now but fourteen million Poles 
to contend against these three powerful na- 
tions, still, as long as they have one about 
every thirty-five years, perhaps it is a wise 
precaution on the part of the young Tzar to 
begin with his kindness promptly, as it is 
about time for another one ! 

Another recent thing which the Poles at- 
tribute to the Tzar was the removal from the 
street corners, the shops, the railroad stations, 
159 



AS SEEN BY ME 

and the clubs, of the placards forbidding the 
Polish language to be spoken in public. 

Thus the Poles hope much from the young 
Tzar in the future, and believe that he would 
do more were he not held back by Russian 
public opinion. For example, the other day 
two Russians were overheard in the train to 
SLy : '^ For thirty years we have tried to force 
our religion on the Poles, our language on the 
Poles, and our customs on the Poles, but now 
here comes ' The Little Colonel^ (the young 
Tzar), and in a moment he sweeps away all 
the progress we had made.'' 

To call him " The Little Colonel " is a 
term of great endearment, and the name arose 
from the fact that by some strange oversight 
he was never made a General by his father, 
but remained at the death of the late Tzar 
only a Colonel. When urged by his council- 
lors to make himself General, as became a 
Tzar of all the Russias, he said: ^^ N'o. The 
power which should have made me a General 
is no more, ^ow that I am at the head of 
the government I surely could not be so con- 
ceited as to promote myself." 

The misery among the poor in Poland is 
almost beyond belief, yet all charities for 
them must be conducted secretly, for the gov- 
ernment stills forbids the establishment of 
kindergartens or free schools where Polish 
children would be taught in the Polish lan- 
160 



AS SEEN BY ME 

guage. I have been questioned very closely 
about our charities in America, especially in 
Chicago, and I have given them all the work- 
ing plans of the college settlements, the kin- 
dergartens, and the sewing-schools. The 
Poles are a wonderfully sympathetic and 
warm-hearted people, and are anxious to 
ameliorate the bitter poverty which exists 
here to an enormous extent. They sigh in 
vain for the freedom with which we may pro- 
ceed, and regard Americans as seated in the 
very lap of a luxurious government because 
we are at liberty to give our money to any 
cause without being interfered with. 

One of the noblest young women I have 
ever met is a Polish countess, Avealthy, beau- 
tiful, and fascinating, who has turned her 
back upon society and upon the brilliant mar- 
riage her family had hoped for her, and has 
taken a friend who was at the head of a Lon- 
don training-school for nurses to live with her 
upon her estates, and these two have conse- 
crated their lives to the service of the poor. 
They will educate Polish nurses to use in 
private charity. With no garb, no creed, no 
blare of trumpet, they have made themselves 
into " Little Sisters of the Poor." 

I could not fail to notice the difference in 
the young girls as soon as I crossed the Rus- 
sian frontier and came into the land of the 
Slav. Here at once I found individuality. 
L 161 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Polish girls are more like American girls. 
If you ask a young English girl what she 
thinks of Victor Hugo she tells you that her 
mamma does not allow her to read French 
novels. If you ask a French girl how she 
likes to live in Paris she tells you that she 
never went down town alone in her life. 

But the Polish girls are different. They 
are individual. They all have a person- 
ality. When you have met one you never 
feel as if you had met all. In this respect 
they resemble American girls, hut only in 
this respect, for whereas there is a type of 
Polish young girl — and a charming type she 
is — I never in my life saw what I considered 
a really typical American girl. You cannot 
typify the psychic charm of the young Ameri- 
can girl. It is altogether beyond you. 

These Polish girls who have titles are as 
simple and imaffected as possible. I had no 
difficulty in calling their mothers Countess 
and Princess, etc., but I tripped once or twice 
with the young girls, whereat they begged 
me in the sweetest way to call them by their 
first names without any j)refix. They were 
charming. They taught us the Polish ma- 
zurka — a dance which has more go to it than 
any dance I ever saw. It requires the Au- 
ditorium ball-room to dance it in, and enough 
breath to play the trombone in an orchestra. 
The officers dance with their spurs on, which 
162 



AS SEEN BY ME 

jingle and click in an exciting manner, and to 
mj surprise never seem to catch in the wom- 
en's gowns.* 

The home life of the Poles is very beau- 
tiful; and, in particular, the deference paid 
to the father and mother strikes my Ameri- 
can sensibilities forcibly. I never tire of 
Avatching the entrance into the salon of the 
married sons of the Countess when each 
comes to pay his daily visit to his mother. 
They are all four tall, impressive, and al- 
most majestic, with a curious hawk-like qual- 
ity in their glance, which may be an inheri- 
tance from their warrior forefathers. Count 
Antoine comes in just before going home to 
dine, while we are all assembled and dressed 
for dinner. He flings the door open, and 
makes his military bow to the room, then 
making straight for his mother's chair, he 
kneels at her feet, kisses her hand and then 
her brow, and sometimes again her hand. 
Then he passes the others, and kisses his sis- 
ter on the cheek, and after thus saluting all 
the members of his family, he turns to us, 
the guests, and speaks to us. 

The Poles are the most individual and in- 
teresting people I have yet encountered. 
The men in particular are fascinating, and a 
man wdio is truly fascinating in the highest 
sense of the word; one whose character is 
worth studv, and whose friendship would re- 
163 



AS SEEN BY ME 

pay cultivating as sincerely as many of the 
Poles I know, is a boon to thank God for. 

Before I came to Poland it always sur- 
prised me to realize that so many men and 
women of world-wide genius came from so 
small a nation. But now that I have had 
the opportunity of knowing them intimately 
and of studying their characteristics, both 
nationally and individually, I see why. 

Poland is the home of genius by right. 
Her people, even if they never write or 
sing or act or play, have all the elements in 
their character which go to make up that 
complex commodity known as genius, 
whether it ever becomes articulate or not. 
You feel that they could all do things if 
they tried. They are a sympathetic, inter- 
esting, interested, and, above all, a magnetic 
people. This forms the top soil for a na- 
tion which has put forth so much of wonder 
and sweetness to enrich the world, but the 
reason which lies deep down at the root of 
the matter for the soul which thrills through 
all this melody of song and story is in the 
sorrowful and- tragic history of this nation. 

The Poles are a race of burning patriots. 
To-day they are as keen over national suffer- 
ings and national wrongs as on. that unfort- 
unate day when they went into a fiercely 
unwilling and resentful captivity. Their 
pride, their courage, their bitterness of 
164 



AS SEEN BY ME 

spirit, their longing for revenge now no 
longer find an outlet on the battlefield. Yet 
it smoulders continually in their innermost 
being. You must crush the heart, you must 
subdue a people, you must be no stranger to 
anguish and loss if you would discover the 
singer and the song. And so Poland's fierce 
and imrelenting patriotism has placed the 
divine spark of a genius which thrills a 
world in souls Avhose sweetest song is a cry 
wrung from a patriot's heart. 



VI 

ST. PETEKSBUEG 

It behooves one to be good in Russia, for 
no matter how excellent your reputation at 
home, no matter how long yon have been a 
member in good and regular standing of the 
most orthodox church, no matter how in- 
nocent your heart may be of anarchy, nihil- 
ism, or murder, you travel, you rest, you eat, 
sleep, wake, or dream, tracked by the Rus- 
sian police. 

They snatch your passport the moment 
you arrive at a hotel, and register you, and 
if you change your hotel every day, every 
day your passport is taken, and you are re- 
quested to fill out a blank with your name, 
age, religion, nationality, and the name and 
hotel of the town where you were last. 

When we entered our Russian hotel — 
when we had entirely entered, I mean, for 
we passed through six or eight swinging 
doors with moujiks to open and shut each 
one, and bow and scrape at our feet — ^we 
found ourselves in a stiflingly hot corridor, 
166 



AS SEEN BY ME 

where the odor was a combination of smoke 
and people whose furs needed airing. 

It would be an excellent idea if Americans 
who live in cold climates dressed as sensibly 
as Russians do. * They keep their houses 
about as warm as we keep ours, but they wear 
thin clothing indoors and put on their enor- 
mous furs for the street. On entering any 
house, church, shop, or theatre, the clmba 
and overshoes are removed, and although 
tliey spend half their lives putting them on 
and taking them off, yet the other half is 
comfortable. 

The women seem to have no pride about 
the appearance of their feet, for now the 
doctors are ordering them to wear the com- 
mon gray felt boot of the peasants, with the 
top of it reaching to the knee. It is without 
doubt the most hideous and unshapely ob- 
ject the mind can conceive, being all made of 
one piece and without any regard to the 
shape of the foot. 

St. Petersburg can hardly be called a typ- 
ical Russian city. It is too near other 
countries, but to us, before we had seen Mos- 
cow and Kiev, it was Russia itself. We ar- 
rived one bitterly cold day, and went first to 
the hotel to which we had been recommend- 
ed by our friends. 

I shall never forget the wave of longing 
for home and country which settled down 
167 



AS SEEN BY ME 

•upon me as we saw our rooms in this hotel. 
It must have been built in Peter the Great's 
time. 'No electric lights; not even lamps. 
Candles! Now, if there is one thing more 
than another which makes me frantic with 
homesickness, it is the use of candles. I 
would rather be in London on Sunday than 
to dress by the light of candles. 

Even an excellent luncheon did not raise 
my spirits. Our rooms were as dark and 
gloomy and silent as a mausoleuLm. Indeed, 
many a mausoleimi I have seen has been 
much more cheerful. It was at the time of 
year also when we had but three hours of 
daylight — from eleven until two. Our 
salon was furnished in a dreary drab, with 
a gigantic green stove in the corner which 
reached to the ceiling. Then we entered 
what looked like a long, narrow corridor, 
down which we blindly felt our way, and at 
the extreme end of which were hung dark 
red plush curtains, as if before a shrine. We 
pulled aside these trappings of gloom, and 
there w^ere two iron cots, not over a foot and 
a half wide, about the shape and feeling of 
an ironing-board, covered with what ap- 
peared to be gray army blankets. I looked 
to see ^^ U. S." stamped on them. I have 
seen them in museums at home. 

I gazed at my companion in perfect dis- 
may. 

168 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" I shall not present a single letter of in- 
troduction/' I wailed. '' I'm going to Mos- 
cow to-morrow." 

Instead of going to Moscow in the morn- 
ing, we went out and decided to present just 
the one letter to our ambassador. He was at 
the Hotel d'Europe, and we went there. 
Behold! electric lights everywhere. Heaps 
of Americans. And the entire Legation 
there. My companion and I simply looked 
at each other, and our Avhole future grew 
brighter. We would not go to Moscow^, 
but we would move at once. We would in- 
troduce electricity into our sombre lives, 
and look forward with hope into the great 
unknown. We rushed around and presented 
all the rest of our letters, and went back to 
spend a wretched evening with eight candles 
and a smoky lamp. 

The next day we called for our bill and 
prepared to move. To my disgust, I found 
an item of two rubles for the use of that 
lamp. I liad serious thoughts of opening up 
communication with the Standard Oil Com- 
pany by cable. But we were so delighted 
with our new accommodations in prospect 
that we left the hotel in a state of exhilara- 
tion that nothing could dampen. 

To our great disappointment we found a 
number of Americans leaving St. Petersburg 
for Moscow because the Hermitage was 
169 



AS SEEN BY ME 

closed. N'ow, the Hermitage and the cere- 
mony of the Blessing of the Waters of the 
Neva were what I most wished to see, but 
we were informed at the Legation that we 
could have neither wish gratified. How- 
ever, my spirit was undaunted. It was only 
the American officials who had pronounced 
it impossible. My lucky star had gone with 
me so far, and had opened so many unaccus- 
tomed doors, that I did not despair. I said 
I would see what our letters of introduction 
brought forth. 

We did not have to wait long. No sooner 
had we presented our letters than people 
came to see us, and placed themselves at our 
disposal for days and even weeks at a time. 
Their kindness and hospitality were too 
charming for mere words to express. 

Although the Winter Palace was closed to 
visitors, preparatory to the arrival on the 
next day of the Tzar and Tzarina, it was 
opened for us through the influence of the 
daughter of the Commodore of the late 
Tzar's private yacht, Mademoiselle de Talk, 
who took us through it. It was simply su- 
perb, and was, of course, in perfect readi- 
ness for the arrival of the imperial family, 
with all the gorgeous crimson velvet carpets 
spread, and the plants and flowers arranged 
in the Winter Garden. 

Then, through this same influential friend, 
llO 



AS SEEN BY ME 

the Hermitage — the second finest' and the 
very richest miisenm in all Europe — was 
opened for us, and — well, I kept my head 
going through the show palaces in London, 
and Paris, and Berlin, and Dresden, and 
Potsdam, but I lost it completely in the 
Hermitage. Then and there I absolutely 
went crazy. A whole guide-book devoted 
simply to the Hermitage could give no sort 
of idea of the barbaric splendor of its belong- 
ings. Its riches are beyond belief. Even 
the presents given by the Emir of Bokhara 
to tlie Tzar are splendid enough to dazzle one 
like a realization of the Arabian ISTights. 
But to see the most valuable of all, wdiich 
are kept in the Emperor^s private vaults, is 
to be reduced to a state of bewilderment bor- 
dering on idiocy. 

It is astonishing enough, to one who has 
bought even one Russian belt set with tur- 
quoise enamel, to think of all the trappings 
of a horse — bit, bridle, saddle-girth, saddle- 
cloth, and all, made of cloth of gold and set 
in solid turquoise enamel; with the sword 
hilt, scabbard, belts, pistol handle and 
holster made of the same. Well, these are 
there by the dozen. Then you come to the 
private jew^els, and you see all these same 
accoutrements made of precious stones — one 
of solid diamonds; another of diamonds, 
emeralds, topazes, and rubies. And the size 
171 



AS SEEN BY ME 

of these stones! Why, yoii never would 
believe me if I should tell you how large they 
are. Many of them are uncut and badly set, 
from an English stand-point. But in quan- 
tity and size — well, I was glad to get back 
to my three-ruble-a-day room and to look at 
my one trunk, and to realize that my own 
humble life would go on just the same, and 
my letter of credit would not last any longer 
for all the splendors which exist for the 
Tzar of all the Russias. 

The churches in St. Petersburg are so 
magnificent that they, too, go to your head. 
We did nothing but go to mass on Christmas 
Eve and Christmas Day, for although we 
spent our Christmas in Berlin, we arrived 
in St. Petersburg in time for the Russian 
Christmas, which comes twelve days later 
than ours. St. Isaac's, the Kazan, and Sts. 
Peter and Paul dazed me. The icons or 
images of the Virgin are set with diamonds 
and emeralds worth a king's ransom. They 
are only under glass, which is kept murky 
from the kisses which the people press upon 
the hands and feet. 

The interiors of the cathedrals, with their 
hundreds of silver couronnes, and battle- 
flags, and trophies of conquests, look like 
great bazaars. Every column is covered 
clear to the dome. The tombs of the Tzars 
are always surrounded by people, and 
172 



AS SEEN BY ME 

candles burn the year round. Upon the tomb 
of Alexander II., under glass, is the exquisite 
laurel wreath placed there by President 
Faure. It is of gold, and was made by 
Falize, one of the most famous carvers of 
gold in Euro]3e. 

The famous mass held on Christmas Eve 
in the cathedral of St. Isaac was one of 
the most beautiful services I ever attended. 
In the first place, St. Isaac's is the richest 
church in all Russia. It has, too, the most 
wonderful choir, for the Tzar loves music, 
and wherever in all his Empire a beautiful 
voice is found, the boy is brought to St. 
Petersburg and educated by the State to 
enter the Emperor's choir. When we entered 
the church the service had been in progress 
for five hours. That immense church was 
packed to suffocation. In the Greek church 
every one stands, no matter how long the 
service. In fact, you cannot sit down unless 
vou sit on the floor, for there are no seats. 

By degrees we Avorked our way towards the 
space reserved for the Diplomatic Corps, 
where we were invited to enter. Our wraps 
were taken and chairs were given to us. We 
found ourselves on the platform with the 
priest, just back of the choir. What heaven- 
ly voices ! What wonderful voices ! The 
bass holds on to the last note, and the 
rumble and echo of it rolls through those 
173 



AS SEEN BY ME 

vaulted domes like the tones of an organ. 
The long-haired priest, too, had a wonderful 
resonant voice for intoning. He passed di- 
rectly by us in his gorgeous cloth of gold 
vestments, as he went out. 

The instant he had finished, the little 
choir boys began to pinch each other and 
thrust their tapers in each other's faces, and 
behaved quite like ordinary boys. The great 
crowd scattered and huge ladders were 
brought in to put out the hundreds of candles 
in the enormous chandeliers. Religion was 
over, and the world began again. 

The other art which is maintained at the 
government . expense is the ballet. We went 
several times, and it was very gorgeous. 
It is all pantomime— not a word is spoken — 
but so well done that one does not tire of it. 

Every one sympathized so with us be- 
cause we could not see the ceremony of the 
Blessing of the Waters of the Neva, and our 
ambassador apologized for not being abie to 
arrange it, and we said, ^'■' Not at all,'' and 
^^ Pray, do not mention it," at the same time 
secretly hoping that our Russian friends, 
who were putting forth strenuous efforts on 
our behalf, would be able to manage it. 

On the morning of the 18th of Janu- 
ary a note came from a Russian officer who 
was on duty at the Winter Palace, say- 
ing that Baron Eisner, the Secretarv of the 
174 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Prefect of Police, would call f or \is with 
his carriage at ten o'clock, and we would be 
conducted jto the private space reserved just 
in front of the Winter Palace, where the 
best view of everything could be obtained. 
My companion and I fell into each other's 
arms in wild delight, for it had been most 
difficult to manage, and we had not been 
sure until that very moment. 

Xow, the person of the Tzar is so sacred 
that it is forbidden by law even to represent 
him on the stagCj and as to photographing 
him — a Russian faints at the mere thouglit. 
ISTevertheless, we wished very much to photo- 
graph this pageant, so we determined, if 
possible, to take our camera. Everything 
else that we wanted had been done for us 
ever since we started, and our faith was 
strong that we would get this. At first the 
stout heart of Baron Eisner quailed at our 
suggestion. Then he said to take the 
camera with us, which we did with joy. His 
card parted the crowd right and left, and our 
carriage drove through long lines of soldiers, 
and between throngs of people held in check 
by mounted police, and by rows of infantry, 
who locked anns and made of themselves a 
living wall, against which the crowd surged. 

To our delight we found our places were 
not twenty feet from the entrance to the 
Winter Palace. We noticed Baron Eisner 
175 



AS SEEN BY ME 

speaking to several officials, and we heard the 
word ^^ Americanski/' which had so often 
opened hearts and doors to "lis, for Russia 
honestly likes America, and presently the 
Baron said, in a low tone, ^^ When the Em- 
peror passes out you may step down here ; 
these soldiers will surround you, and you 
may photograph him." 

I could scarcely believe my ears. I was 
so excited that I nearly dropped the camera. 

The procession moves only abou.t one hun- 
dred feet — a crimson carpet being laid from 
the entrance of the Winter Palace, across 
the street, and up into a pavilion which is 
built out over the Neva. 

First came the metropolitans and the 
priests ; then the Emperor's celebrated choir 
of about fifty voices; then a detachment of 
picked officers bearing the most important 
battle-flags from the time of Peter the Great, 
which showed the marks of sharp conflict; 
then the Emperor's suite, and then — the 
Emperor himself. They all marched with 
bared heads, even the soldiers. 

My companion had the opera-glasses, I 
had the camera. " Tell me when," I gasped. 
They passed before me in a sort of haze. I 
heard the band in the Winter Palace and the 
singing of the choir. I heard the splash of 
the cross which the Archbishop plunged into 
the opening that had been cut in the ice. I 
176 



AS SEEN BY ME 

heard tlie priests intone, and the booming of 
the guns firing the imperial salute. I saw 
that the wind was blowing the candles out. 
Then came a breathless pause, and then she 
said, " Kow !'' A little click. It was done ; 
I had photographed ^N'icholas II., the Tzar 
of ^11 the Eussias ! 



VII 

RUSSIA 

Yesteeday we had our first Eussian ex- 
perience in the shape of a troika ride. Rus- 
sians, as a rule, do not troika except at 
night. In fact, from my experience, they 
reverse the established order of things and 
turn night into day. 

A troika is a superb affair. It makes the 
tiny sledges which take the place of cabs, and 
are used for all ordinary purposes, look even 
more like toys than usual. But the sledges 
are great fun, and so cheap that it is an ex- 
travagance to walk. A course costs only 
twenty kopecks — ten cents. The sledges are 
set so low that you can reach out and touch 
the snow with your hand, and they are so 
small that the horse is in your lap and the 
coachman in your pocket. He simply turns 
in his seat to hook the fur robe to the back 
of your seat — only it has no back. If you 
fall, you fall clear to the ground. 

The horse is far, far above you in your 
humble position, and there is so little room 
178 



AS SEEN BY ME 

that two people can with difficulty stow them- 
selves in the narrow seat. If a brother and 
sister or a* husband and wife drive together, 
the man, in sheer .self-defence, is obliged to 
put his arm around the w^oman, no matter 
how distasteful it may be. 'Not that she 
would ever be conscious of whether he did 
it or not, for the amount of clothes one is 
obliged to w^ear in Eussia destroys any sense 
of touch. 

The idvosjik, or coachman, is so bulky 
from this same reason that you cannot see 
over him. You are obliged to crane your 
neck to one side. His head is covered with 
a Tartar cap. He wears his hair down to 
his collar, and then chopped off in a straight 
line. His pelisse is of a bluish gray, fits 
tightly to the waist, and comes to the feet. 
But the skirt of it is gathered on back and 
front, giving him an irresistibly comical pan- 
nier effect, like a Dolly Varden polonaise. 
The Russian idvosjik guides his horse curi- 
ously. He coaxes it forward by calling it 
all sorts of pet names — '' doushka," darling, 
etc. Then he beats it with a toy wdiip, which 
must feel like a fly on its woolly coat, for all 
the little fat pony does is to kick up its heels 
and fly along like the wind, missing the other 
sledges by a hair's-breadth. It is ghostly to 
see the way they glide along without a sound, 
for the sledges wear no bells. 

no 



AS. SEEN BY ME 

One may drive with perfect safety at a 
breakneck pace, for they all drive down on 
one side of the street and up on the other. 
'Not will an idvosjik hesitate to nse his whip 
about the head and face of another idvos- 
jik who dares to turn without crossing the 
street. 

He stops his horse with a guttural trill, as 
if one should say ^^ Tr-r-r-r-r" in the back of 
the throat. It sounds like a gargle. 

The horses are sharp-shod, but in a way 
quite different from ours. The spikes on 
their shoes are an inch long, and dig into 
the ice with perfect security, but it makes the 
horses look as if they wore French heels. 
Even over ice like sheer glass they go at a 
gallop and never slip. It is wonderful, and 
the exhilaration of it is like driving through 
an air charged with champagne, like the 
wine-caves of Rintz. 

Our troika was like a chariot in compari- 
son with these sledges. It was gorgeously 
upholstered in red velvet, and held six — three 
on each seat. The robes also were red vel- 
vet, bordered and lined with black bear fur. 
There were three horses driven abreast. The 
middle horse was much larger than the other 
two, and wore a high white wooden collar, 
which stood up from the rest of the harness, 
and was hung with bells and painted with 
red flowers and birds. 

180 



AS SEEN BY ME 

To my delight the horses were wild, and 
stood on their hind legs and bit each other, 
and backed us off the road, and otherwise act- 
ed like Tartar horses in books. It seemed 
almost too good to be true. It was like driv- 
ing through the Black Forest and seeing the 
gnomes and the fairies one has read about. 
I told my friends very humbly that I had 
never done anything in my life to deserve 
the good fortune of having those beautiful 
horses act in such a satisfactory and historical 
manner. We had to get out twice and let the 
idvosjik calm them down. But even when 
ploughing my way out of snow up to my 
knees I breathed an ecstatic sigh of gratitude 
and joy. I could not understand the men's 
annoyance. It was too ideal to complain 
about. 

We drove out to the Island for luncheon, 
and on the way we stopped and coasted in 
a curious Russian sledge from the top of a 
high place, something like our toboggan- 
slides, only this sledge was guided from be- 
hind by a peasant on skates. 

A Russian meal always begins with a side- 
table of hors d'oeuvres, called " zakouska.'' 
That may not be spelled right, but no Russian 
w^ould correct me, because the language is 
phonetic, and they spell the same word in 
many different ways. Their alphabet has 
thirty-eight letters in it, besides the little 
181 



AS SEEN BY ME 

marks to tell yon whether to make a letter 
hard or soft. 

Even proper names take on cnrions oddi- 
ties of spelling, and a hnsband and wife or 
two brothers will spell their name differently 
when nsing the Latin letters. If yon com- 
plain ahont it, and ask which is correct, they 
make that famous Russian reply which Bis- 
marck once had engraved in his ring, and 
which he believed brought him such good 
luck, ^' ISTeechy voe,'' " It is nothing," or 
^' Never mind." You can spell with your 
eyes shut in Russian, and you simply cannot 
make a mistake, for the Russians spell with 
all the abandonment of French dancing. 

This zakouska is so delicious and so varied 
and so tempting that one not accustomed to 
it eats too much without realizing. At a din- 
ner an American looked at my loaded plate 
and said, with delicious impertinence, " Con- 
fidentially, I don't mind telling you that din- 
ner is coming/' 

As we came back, the full delight of troika- 
riding came over us, for driving in the coun- 
try we could not- tell how fast we were going. 
But in town, whizzing past other carriages, 
hearing the shouts of the idvosjik, ^' Troika !" 
-and seeing the people scatter and the sledges 
turn out (for a troika has the right of way), 
we realized at what a pace we were going. 
-We dashed across the frozen Neva, with its 
182 



AS SEEN BY ME 

tramway built right on the ice ; past the Win- 
ter Palace, along the qnai, where all the em- 
bassies ar.e, into the Grand Morskaia, and 
from there into the N^evski, with the snow 
flying and our bells ringing, and the middle 
horse trotting and the outer horses galloping, 
sending clouds of steam from their heaving 
flanks and palpitating nostrils, and the biting- 
air making our blood tingle, and the reiter- 
ated shout of the idvosjik, ^' Troika ! troika !'' 
taking our breath away. 

We had one more excitement before we 
reached home, which was seeing a Russian 
fire-engine. We passed it in a run. The en- 
gine was on one sledge, and following it 
were five other sledges carrying hogsheads of 
water. 

I am glad we came to Russia in winter, 
for by so doing we have met the Russian 
people, the most fascinating that any coun- 
try can boast, with the charm of the French, 
the courage of the English, the sentiment 
of the Germans, the sincerity and hospitality 
of the Americans. Their courtesy to each 
other is a never-ending pleasure to me. 
Poles and Russian^ treat their women more 
nearly the way our American men treat us 
than any nation we have encountered so far. 
They are the most marvellous linguists in 
the world. We have met no one in Russia 
who speaks fewer than three languages, and 
183 



AS SEEN BY ME 

we have met several who speak twelve. They 
are not arrogant even concerning their mili- 
tary strength. They are qnite modest about 
their learning and their not inconsiderable 
literary and artistic achievements, and they 
hold themselves, both nationally and indi- 
vidually, in the plastic state where they are 
willing to learn from any nation or any 
master who can teach what they wish to 
know. There is a marvellous future for 
Russia, for their riches and resources are as 
vast and inestimable as their possessions. 
They themselves do not realize how mighty 
they are. 

Here is . I'rance grovelling at their feet, 
spending millions of francs to entertain the 
Tzar — France, a nation which must see a 
prospect of double her money returned be- 
fore she parts with a sou ; with the cathedrals 
filled with couronnes sent by the French 
press; with no compliment to Russia too 
fulsome for French gallantry to invent find- 
ing space in the foremost French news- 
papers ; hoping, praying, beseeching the help 
of Russia, when Germany makes up her 
mind to gobble France, yet dealing Russian 
achievement a backhanded slap by hinting 
what a compliment it is for a cultivated, 
accomplished, over-cultured race like the 
French to beg the assistance of a barbarous 
country like Russia. 

184 



AS SEEN BY ME 

I believe that Russia is the only country 
in the world which feels nationally friendly 
and individually interested in America. I 
used to think France was, and I held La- 
fayette firmly and proudly in my memory 
to prove it. But I was promptly undeceived 
as to their individual interest, and when I 
still clung to Lafayette as a proof of the 
former I was laughed to scorn and told that 
France as a nation had nothing to do with 
that; that Lafayette went to America as a 
soldier of fortune. He would just as soon 
have gone to Madagascar or Timbuctoo, but 
America was accommodating enough to have 
a war on just in time to serve his ambition. 
If that is true, I wish they had not told me. 
I would like to come home with a few ideals 
left— if they will permit me. 

When I was in Berlin I asked our am- 
bassador, Mr. White, what Germany thought 
of America. He replied, '' Just what Thack- 
eray thought of Tupper. When some one 
asked Thackeray what he thought of Tupper, 
he replied, ' I don^t think of him at all.' " 

But in Russia I have a sore throat all the 
time from answering questions about Amer- 
ica. I think I am not exaggerating when I 
say I have answered a million in a single 
evening. My companion at first was dis- 
gusted with my wearing myself out in such 
a manner, but I said, " I am so grateful to 
185 



AS SEEN BY ME 

them for caring ^ after the indifference of all 
these other self-sufficient countries, that I 
am willing to sacrifice myself at it if neces- 
sary. '^ 

We never realized how little we knew 
about America until we discovered the Rus- 
sian capacity for asking unexpected ques- 
tions. I bought an American history in 
Russia, and sat up nights trying to remem- 
ber what my father had tried to instil into 
my sieve-like brain. After a week of wit- 
nessing my feverish enthusiasm, even my 
companion's dormant national pride was 
roused. She, too, was ashamed to say, " I 
don't know," when they asked us these ter- 
rible questions. When we get into the 
clutches of a party of women we trust to 
luck that they cannot remember our statis- 
tics long enough to tell their husbands and 
brothers (I have a horror of men's accuracy 
in figures), and we calmly guess at the an- 
swers when our exact knowledge gives out. 

One night they attacked my companion on 
the school question. I^ow, she does not know 
one solitary thing about the public-school 
system, but, to my utter amazement, I heard 
her giving the number of children between 
the ages of eight and ten who were in the 
public schools in the State of Illinois, and 
then running them off by counties. I Avas 
afraid she would soon begin to call the roll 
186 



AS SEEN BY ME 

of their names from memory, so I rescued 
her and took her home. I suppose we must 
have an air of intelligence which success- 
fully masks our colossal ignorance of occult 
facts and defunct dates, because they rely on 
us to inform them off-hand concerning every- 
thing social, political, historical, sacred and 
profane, spirituous and spiritual, from the 
protoplasm of the cliff-dwellers to the de- 
tails of the Dingley hill, not skipping accu- 
rate information on the process of whiskey- 
making in Kentucky, a crocodile-hunt in 
Florida, suffrage in. Wyoming, a lynching- 
bee in Texas, polygamy in Utah, prune-dry- 
ing in California, divorces in Dakota, gold- 
mining in Colorado, cotton-spinning in 
Georgia, tobacco-raising in Alabama, marble- 
quarrying in Tennessee, the number of 
Quakers in Philadelphia, one's sensations 
while being scalped by Sioux, how marriages 
are arranged, what a man says when he pro- 
poses, the details of a camp-meeting, a de- 
scription of a negro baptism, and the main 
arguments on the silver question. 

They get some curious ideas in their heads 
concerning us, but they are so amazingly 
well informed about America that their 
specific misinformation never irritated me. 
The small use they have for their English 
sometimes accounts for the queer things they 
say. 

187 



AS SEEN BY ME 

The official costume for men who have no 
particular uniform is regulation evening 
dress, which they are obliged to wear alL 
day. They become so tired of it that this is 
the reason, they tell me, why so many men, 
even in smart society, go to the opera or even 
dinners in frock-coats. One one occasion a 
most intelligent man said to me, " I am told 
that in America the ladies always wear de- 
collete costumes at dinners, and the men are 
always in night-dress." 

For one hysterical moment my mind's eye 
pictured a dinner-table on Prairie Avenue 
with alternately a low-necked gown and a 
pair of pajamas, and I choked. Then I 
happened to think that he meant " evening 
dress," and I recovered sufficiently to ex- 
plain. 

The Tzarina has made English the Court 
language, and since her coronation no state 
balls take place on Sunday. 

Russian hospitality is delightful. We 
could remain a year in Russia and not ex- 
haust our invitations to visit at their coun- 
try-houses. Russia must be beautiful in 
summer, but if you wish to go into society, 
to know the best of the people, to see their 
sweet home life, and to understand how they 
live and enjoy themselves, you must go in the 
winter. I cannot think what any one would 
find of national life in summer in Russia, 
188 



AS SEEN BY ME 

for everybody has a country-lioiise and every- 
body goes to it and leaves the city to tourists. 

Kussia, in spite of her vast riches, has not 
arrived at supercivilization, where there is 
corruption in the very atmosphere. She is 
an undeveloped and a young country, and 
while tlie Tzar is wise and kind and bene- 
ficent, and an excellent Tzar as Tzars go, still 
Russians, even the best and most enlightened 
of them, are slaves. I have met a number of 
the gentlest and cleverest men who had been 
exiled to Siberia, and pardoned. Their pict- 
ure-galleries bear witness to this underlying 
sadness of knowing that in spite of every- 
thing they are not free. All their actions are 
watched, their every word listened to, spies 
are everywhere, the police are omnipresent, 
and over all their gayety and vivacity and 
mirth and spontaneity there is the constant 
fear of the awful hand in whose complete 
power they are. His clemency, his father- 
hood to his people, his tremendous responsi- 
bility for their welfare are all appreciated, 
but the thought is in every mind, " When 
will this kindness fail ? Upon whose head 
will the lightning descend next?" 

Title and gentle birth and the long and 
faithful service of one's ancestors to the 
Tzars are of small avail if the evidence 
should go against one in Russia. I have 
heard princes say less than I have said here, 
189 



AS SEEN BY ME 

but say it in whispers and with furtive looks 
at the nearest man or woman. I have seen 
their starts of surprise at the frank impu- 
dence of our daring to criticise our admin- 
istration in their midst, and I felt as if I 
were in danger of being bombarded from the 
back. 

In Russia you may spell as you please, but 
you must have a care how you criticise the 
government. In America you may criticise 
the government as you will, but you must 
have a care how you spell. 



VIII 

MOSCOW 

I THOUGHT St. Petersburg interesting, 
but it is modern compared to Moscow. 
Everything is so strange and curious here. 
The churches, the chimes, the palace, the 
coronation chapel, and the street scenes are 
enough to drive one mad with interest. 

Moscow is said to have sixteen hundred 
churches, and I really think we did not skip 
one. They are almost as magnificent as those 
in St. Petersburg, and they impressed — over- 
powered us, in fact, with the same unspeak- 
able riches of the Greek Church. 

The name of our hotel was so curious that 
I cannot forbear repeating it, '^ The Slavan- 
sky Bazaar," and they call their smartest res- 
taurant " The Hermitage." I felt as if I 
could be sold at auction in " The Bazaar," 
and as if I ought to fast and pray in " The 
Hermitage." 

" The Slavansky Bazaar" was one of the 
dirtiest hotels it ever was my lot to see. The 
Russians of the middle class — to say noth- 
191 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ing of the peasants, who are simply unspeak- 
able — are not a clean set, so one cannot blame 
a hotel for not living above the demands of 
its clientele. There were some antique speci- 
mens of cobwebs in our rooms, which made 
restful corner ornaments with dignified fes- 
toons, which swung slowly to and fro with 
such fascinating solemnity that I could 
not leave off looking at them. The hotel is 
built up hill and do^vn dale, and each corridor 
smells more musty than the other. It has a 
curious arrangement for supplying water in 
the rooms which I never can recall with any 
degree of pleasure. One evening after I had 
dressed I went to the wash-stand and discov- 
ered that there was no water. I was madly 
ringing for the chambermaid when my com- 
panion called from her room, and said, ^^ Put 
your foot on that brass thing. There is plenty 
of water." 

I looked down, and near the floor was a 
brass pedal, like that of a piano. Sure 
enough, there was a reservoir above and a 
faucet with the head of a dragon on it peer- 
ing up into my face, which I never had no- 
ticed before. Now, the pedal of my piano 
works hard, so I bent all my strength to this 
one, and lo! from that impudent dragon's 
mouth I got a mighty stream of water 
straight in my unconscious face, and enough 
to put out a fire. I fell back with a shriek 
192 



AS SEEN BY ME 

of astonishment and indignation, and my 
companion langhed — nay, she roared. She 
Langhs until she cries even now every time 
she thinks of it, although I had to change 
my gown. How was I going to know that I 
was leaning over a Avaterspout, I should like 
to know ! 

In this same hotel when I asked for a blot- 
ter they brought me a box of sand. I tried 
to use it, but my hand was not very steady, 
and none of it went on the letter. Some got 
in my shoe, however. 

But our environments were more than com- 
pensated for by the exceeding kindness that 
we received from the most delightful people 
that it ever was my good fortune to meet, and 
their attentions to us were so charming that 
we shall remember them as long as we live. 

Americans, even though we are as hospi- 
table as any nation on earth, might well take 
a lesson from the Russians in regard to the 
respect they pay to a letter of introduction. 
The English send word when you can be re- 
ceived, and you pay each other frosty formal 
calls, and then are asked to five-o'clock tea or 
some other wildly exciting function of simi- 
lar importance. The French are great 
sticklers for etiquette, but they are more 
spontaneous, and you are asked to dine at 
once. After that it is your own fault if 
you are not asked again. But in Russia it 
N 193 



AS SEEN BY ME 

is different. I think that the men must have 
accompanied my messenger home, and the 
women to whom I presented letters early in 
the afternoon were actually waiting for me 
when I returned from presenting the last 
ones. In Moscow they came and waited 
hours for my return. I was mortified that 
there were not four of me to respond to all 
the beauties of their friendship, for hospi- 
tality in Russia includes even that. 

They placed themselves, their carriages, 
their servants, at our disposal for whatever 
we had to do — sight-seeing, shopping, or 
idling. Mademoiselle Yermoloff, lady-in- 
waiting to the two empresses, simply took 
us upon her hands to show us Russian society 
life. She came with her sledge in the morn- 
ing, and kept us with her all day long, tak- 
ing us to see the most interesting people and 
places in Moscow. She showed us the coro- 
nation-robes, the embroideries upon which 
were from her own beautiful designs. The 
Empress presented her with an emerald and 
diamond brooch in recognition of this im- 
portant service, for undoubtedly the corona- 
tion-robe of the present Tzarina is much 
handsomer and in better taste than any of 
the others. The designs are so artistically 
sketched that they all have a special sig- 
nificance. 

Here we visited the charming Princess 
194 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Golitzine, a most beautiful and accomplished 
woman. Her house, we were told, De Les- 
seps, the father of the Suez I)e Lesseps, used 
as his headquarters during the French occu- 
pation of Moscow. 

Mademoiselle Yermoloff's sledge was a 
very beautiful one, but it Avas quite as low- 
set as all the others, and her footman stood 
behind. As there was no back to the seat of 
her sledge, and her horses were rather fiery 
and unmanageable, every time they halted 
without warning this solemn flunky pitched 
forward into our backs, a performance which 
would have upset the dignity of an English 
footman, but which did not seem to disturb 
him in the least. 

Mademoiselle Yermoloff took us to see 
Madame Chabelskoi, whose contributions to 
the World's Fair were of so much value. I 
never saw a private collection of anything 
so rich, so varied, and of such historical 
value as her collection of all the provincial 
costumes of the peasants of Finland and Big 
and Little Russia. In addition to these she 
has the fete-day toilets as well. The Kokosh- 
niks are all embroidered in seed-pearls and 
gold ornaments, and if she were not a fabu- 
lously rich woman she could never have got 
all these, for each one is authentic and has 
actually been worn. They are not copies. 

But Moscow seems to take a peculiar 
195 



AS SEEN BY ME 

national pride in preserving the historical 
monuments of her country. There is a mu- 
seum there, with a complete set of all these 
costumes on wax figures, and they range all 
the way from the grotesque to the lovely. 

Madame Chabelskoi is now doing a very 
pretty as well as a valuable and historical 
work. She has two accomplished daughters, 
and these young girls spend all their time in 
selecting peasant women with typical feat- 
ures, dressing them in these costumes, pho- 
tographing them, and then coloring these 
photographs in water-colors. They are mak- 
ing te!i copies of each, to make ten magnif- 
icent albums, which are to be presented to the 
ten greatest museums in the world. The 
Hermitage in St, Petersburg is to have one, 
the British Museum another, and so on. 
Only one was to go to America, and to my 
metropolitan dismay I found that it was not 
to go to Chicago. I shall not say where it 
was intended to go; I shall only say that 
with characteristic modesty I asked, in my 
most timid voice, why she did not present it 
to a museum in the city which she had al- 
ready benefited so royally Avith her generos- 
ity, and which already held her name in af- 
fectionate veneration. It seemed to strike 
her for the first time that Chicago was the 
proper city in which to place that album, 
so she promised it to us! I thanked her 
196 



AS SEEN BY ME 

with sincere gratitude, and retired from the 
field with a modest flush of victory on my 
brow. I cannot forbear a wicked chuckle, 
however, when I think of that other museum ! 
We dined many times at ^^ The Hermit- 
age,'' which is one of the smartest restau- 
rants in Europe. The costumes of the wait- 
ers were too extraordinary not to deserve a 
passing mention. They consisted of a white 
cotton garment belted at the w^aist, with no 
collar, and a pair of flapping white trousers. 
They are always scrupulously clean — which 
is a wonder for Russian peasants — for they 
are made to change their clothes twice a day. 
They have a magnificent orchestrion instead 
of an orchestra here, and I could scarcely eat 
those beautiful dinners for listening to the 
music. We became so Avell acquainted with 
the repertoire that our friends, knowing our 
taste, ordered the music to match the courses. 
So instead of sherry with the soup, they or- 
dered the intermezzo from '^ Cavalleria 
Rusticana." With the fish we had the over- 
ture to " William Tell." With the entrecote 
we had a pot-pourri from '^ Faust." With 
the fowl we had '' Demon and Tamar," 
the Russian opera. With the rest we began 
on Wagner and worked up to that thrilling 
'^ Tannhauser " overture, until I was ready 
to go home a nervous wreck from German 
music, as I alwavs am. 
197 



AS SEEN BY ME 

A very interesting incident occurred while 
we were in Moscow. The Tzar decorated a 
non-commissioned officer for an act of bra- 
very which well deserved it. Tie was in 
charge of the powder-magazines just outside 
of Moscow, and from the view I had of them 
I should say that the gunpowder is stored in 
pits in the ground. 

Something caught fire right on top of one 
of these pits, and this young officer saw it. 
Tie had no time to send for water, and if he 
delayed, at any moment the whole magazine 
might explode; one pit would communicate 
with another, and perhaps the whole city 
would be endangered; so without a second's 
hesitation he and his men sprang into the fire 
and literally trod it out with their feet, run- 
ning the risk of an explosion by concussion, 
as well as by a spark of fire. It was a superb 
act of courage, and the Tzar decorated this 
young sergeant with the order of Vladimir 
— one of the rarest decorations in all Russia. 
I am told that not over six living men pos- 
sess it to - day. It was a beautiful thing 
for the Tzar thus to recognize this heroic 
deed. 

When we left Moscow we were having our 
first real taste of Russian winter, for, strange 
to say, although so mu.ch farther south, the 
climate is much more severe than that of 
St. Petersburg. 

198 



AS SEEN BY ME 

My companion complained bitterly that 
we were not seeing anything of Russia be- 
cause we came down from St. Petersburg at 
night, so we abandoned the courier train, 
and took the slow day-train for Kiev, the 
old capital of Russia, that she might see 
more of the country. 

But now I come to my reward and her 
chagrin. Between Moscow and Kiev we 
were snowed in for sixteen hours. It was 
between stations, the food gave out — I mean 
it gave out because we did not have any to 
start with — the train became bitterly cold, 
and we came near freezing and starving to 
death. That made our Russian experiences 
quite complete. We had foolishly started 
without even fruit, and there was nothing to 
be had on board the train except the tea 
which the conductors make in a samovar 
and serve to you at the slightest provocation. 
But even the tea was exhausted at last, and 
then the fire gave out, because all the wood 
had been used up. 

There w^e were, penned up, wrapped in 
our seal-skins and steamer-rugs and with 
nubias over our heads, so cold that our teeth 
chattered, and so hungry we could have eaten 
anything. The conductor came and spoke 
to us several times, but whether he was in- 
viting us to lunch or quoting Scripture we 
could never tell. There was no one on the 
199 



AS SEEN BYME 

train who spoke English or French, and no- 
body else in onr car to speak anything at 
all — owing to our having come on this par- 
ticular train, in order for my companion to 
" see Russia." I am delighted to record 
the fact that not only the outside but the 
inside windows w^ere frosted so thickly that 
they had to light the sickly tallow candle 
in a tin box over the door of the compart- 
ment, so she never got a peep at Eussia or 
anything else the whole way. 

We consoled each other and kept up our 
spirits as best we could all day, but we ar- 
rived at Kiev so exhausted with cold and 
hunger that although we were received at 
the train by one of the most charming men 
I ever met, we both cried with relief at the 
sight of a friendly face and some one to 
whom we could speak and tell our woes. I 
have since wondered what he thought to be 
met by two forlorn women in tears ! What- 
ever he thought, like all the Russians, he was 
courtesy itself, and we were soon whisked 
away to the inexpressible comfort of being 
thawed and fed. 

Such a beautiful city as this is! White- 
law Reid has declared Kiev to be one of the 
four picturesque cities in Europe; certainly 
it lies in a heavenly place, all up and down 
hills, with such vistas down the streets to 
where a mosque raises its gilded dome, or 
200 



AS SEEN BY ME 

where an historic bronze statue stands out 
against the horizon. If Kiev had been 
planned by the French, it conkl not be more 
utterly beantifnl. The domes of the cathe- 
drals are blue, studded with gold stars; or 
else pale green or all gold, and the most ex- 
quisite churches in all Eussia are in Kiev. 
A terrible monastery, where you take candles 
and go down into the bowels of the earth to 
see where monks martyred themselves, is 
here ; and poor simple-minded pilgrims walk 
many hundred miles to kiss these tombs. 
Their devotion is pathetic. We had to walk 
in a jDrocession of them, and I know that 
each of them had his own particular disease 
and his own special brand of dirt. The 
beggars surrounding the gate of this monas- 
tery are too awful to mention, yet it is re- 
puted to be the richest monastery in all Rus- 
sia. 

In Kiev we heard '^ Hamlet " in Russian, 
and the man who played Hamlet was won- 
derfully good, surprisingly good. You don't 
know how strange it sounded to hear " To 
be or not to be " in Russian ! The acting 
was so familiar, the words so strange. The 
audience went crazy over him, as Russian 
audiences always do. We watched him come 
out and bow thirty-nine times, and when we 
came away the noise was still deafening. 

They make a sort of candy in Kiev 
201 



AS SEEN BY ME 

which goes far and away above any sweets I 
ever have seen. It is a sort of candied rose. 
The whole rose is there. It is a solid soft 
pink mass, and it tastes just as a tea-rose 
smells. It is simply celestial. 

We dearly love Kiev, it is so hauntingly 
beautiful. You can't forget it. Your mind 
keeps returning to it, but it is the sort of 
beauty that you can't describe satisfactorily. 
It is like your mother's face. You can see 
the beauty for yourself, but no one else can 
see it as you do, for the love which is behind 
it. 

In Odessa we began to leave Russia be- 
hind us. Odessa is all sorts of a place. It 
is commercial, and not beautiful, but, as 
usual, our Russian friends made us forget 
the town and its sights, and remember only 
their sweet hospitality and friendliness. 

We wished to catch the Russian steamer 
for Constantinople, but we were told that 
the police would not permit us to leave on 
such short notice. We felt that this was 
hard, for we had tried so consistently to be 
good in Russia that I was determined to go 
if possible. So I took an interpreter and 
drove to the police headquarters myself. 
To my amazement and delight my man told 
me that it could all be arranged by the 
payment of a few rubles. But that " few 
rubles " mounted up into many before I 
202 



AS SEEN BY ME 

got my passports duly vised. I discovered 
that our American police are not so twrij 
different from Russian police after all, even 
if they are Irish ! 

We caught the steamer — the dear, clean, 
lovely Nicholai II., with the stewardess a 
Greek named Aspasia, and I persisted in 
calling the steward Pericles, just to have 
things match. 

Then we crunched our way out of the har- 
bor through the ice into the Black Sea, and 
sailed away for Constantinople. 



IX 

COI^STANTINOPLE 

Coi^sTANTiisroPLE had three different ef- 
fects upon me. The first was to make me 
utterly despise it for its sickening dirt; the 
second was when I forgot all about the mud 
and garbage, and went crazy over its pictu- 
resque streets with their steep slopes, odd 
turns, and bewitching vistas, and the last 
was to make me dread Cairo for fear it 
would seem tame in comparison, for Con- 
stantinople is enchanting. If I were a 
painter I would never leave off painting 
its delights and spreading its fascinations 
broadcast; and then I would take all the 
money I got for my pictures and spend it in 
the bazaars, and if I regretted my purchases 
I would barter them for others, because Con- 
stantinople is the beginning of the Orient, 
and if you remain long you become thorough- 
ly metamorphosed, and you bargain, trade, 
exchange, and haggle until you forget that 
you ever were a Christian. The hour of our 
arrival in Constantinople was an accident. 
204 



AS SEEN BY ME 

The steamer Nicholai II. was late, and as no 
one may land there after snnset, we were 
forced to lie in the Bosphorns all night. 

It was dark when we sighted the city, but 
it was one of those clear darks Avhere with- 
out any apparent light you can see every- 
thing. Surely no other city in the world 
has so beautiful an approach ! Our great 
black steamer threaded her way between men- 
of-war, sail-boats, and all sorts of shipping, 
and if there were a thousand lights twink- 
ling in the water there were a million from 
the city. It lies on a series of hills curved 
out like a monster amphitheatre, and it 
stretches all the way around. I looked up 
into the heavens, and it seemed to me that I 
never had seen so many stars in my life. Our 
sky at home has not so many I Yet there 
were no more than the yellow points of 
flame which flickered in every part of that 
sleeping city. Three tall minarets pierced 
above the horizon, and each of these wore 
circles of light which looked like necklaces 
and girdles of fire. Patches of black now 
and then showed where there were trees or 
marked a graveyard. Occasionally we heard 
a shrill cry or the barking of dogs, but these 
sounds came faintly, and seemed a part of 
the fairy-picture. It looked so much like a 
scene from an opera that I half expected to 
see the curtain go clown and the lights flare 
205 



AS SEEN BY ME 

lip, and I feared the applause which always 
spoils the dream. 

But nothing spoiled this dream. All night 
we lay in the beautiful Bosphorus, and all 
night at intervals I looked out of my port- 
hole at that lovely sleeping princess. It 
never grew any less lovely. Its beauty and 
charm increased. 

But in the morning everything was 
changed. A band of howling, screaming, 
roaring, fighting pirates came alongside in 
dirty row-boats, and to our utter consterna- 
tion we found these bloodthirsty brigands 
were to row us to land, l^ot one word could 
we understand in all that fearful uproar. We 
were watching them in a terror too abject 
to describe, when, to our joy, an English 
voice said, " I am the guide for the two 
American ladies, and here is the kavass 
which the American minister sent down to 
meet you. The consul at Odessa cabled your 
arrival." 

Oh, how glad we were ! We loaded them 
with thanks and hand-luggage, and scram- 
bled down the stairway at the side of the 
steamer. A dozen dirty hands were stretch- 
ed out to receive us. We clutched at their 
sleeves instead, and j)itched into the boat, 
and our trunks came tumbling after us, and 
away we- went over the roughest of seas, 
which splashed us and made us feel a little 
206 



AS SEEN BY ME 

queer; and then we landed at the dirtiest, 
smelliest quay, and picked our way through 
a filthy custom-house, where, in spite of 
bribery and corruption, they opened my 
trunk and examined all the photographs of 
the family, which happened to be on top, and 
made remarks about them in Turkish which 
made the other men laugh. The mud came 
up over our overshoes as we stood there, so 
that altogether we were quite heated in tem- 
per when we found ourselves in an alley out- 
side, filled with garbage which had been there 
forever, and learned that this alley was a 
street, and a very good one for Constanti- 
nople, too. 

The porters in Turkey are marvels of 
strength. They wear a sort of cushioned 
saddle on their backs, and to my amazement 
tw^o men tossed my enormous trunk on 
this saddle. I saw it leave their hands be- 
fore it reached his poor bent back; he stag- 
gered a little, gave it a hitch to make it more 
secure, then started up the hill on a trot. 

I never saw so much mud, such unspeak- 
ably filthy streets, and so many dogs as Con- 
stantinople can boast. You drive at a gal- 
lop up streets slanting at an angle of forty- 
five degrees, and you nearly fall out of the 
back of the carriage. Then presently you 
come to the top of that hill and start down 
the other side, still at a gallop, and you brace 
207 



AS SEEN BY ME 

your feet to keep from pitching over the driv- 
er's head. You would notice the dogs first 
were it not for the smells. But as it is, you 
cannot even see until you get your salts to 
your nose. The odors are so thick that they 
darken the air. You are disappointed in the 
dogs, however. There are quite as many of 
them as you expected. You have not been 
misled as to the number of them, but nowhere 
have I seen them described in a satisfactory 
way — so that you knew what to expect, I 
mean. In the first place, they hardly look 
like dogs. They have w^oolly tails like sheep. 
Their eyes are dull, sleepy, and utterly de- 
void of expression. Constantinople dogs have 
neither masters nor brains. 'No brains be- 
cause no masters. Perhaps no masters be- 
cause no brains. N^obody wants to adopt an 
idiot. They are, of course, mongrels of the 
most hopeless type. They are yellowish, 
with thick, short, woolly coats, and much fat- 
ter than you expect to find them. They walk 
like a funeral procession. N^ever have I 
seen one frisk or even wag his tail. Every- 
body turns out for them. They sleep — from 
twelve to twenty of them — on a single pile 
of garbage, and never notice either men or 
each other unless a dog which lives in the 
next street trespasses. Then they eat him 
up, for they are jackals as well as dogs, and 
they are no more epicures than ostriches. 
208 



AS SEEN BY ME 

They never show interest in anything. 
They are hlasL I saw some mother dogs 
asleep, with tiny puppies swarming over 
them like little fat rats, but the mothers paid 
no attention to them. Children seem to 
bore them quite as successfully as if they 
were women of fashion. 

We went sailing up the Golden Horn to 
the Skutari cemetery, one of the loveliest 
spots of this thrice-fascinating Constanti- 
nople. As we were descending that steep 
hill upon which it is situated we met a dar- 
ling little baby Turk in a fez riding on a 
pony which his father was leading. This 
child of a different race, and six thousand 
miles away, looked so much like our Billy 
that I wanted to eat him up — dirt and all. 
I contented myself Avith giving him back- 
sheesh, while my companion photographed 
him. Such an afternoon as that was on that 
lovely golden river, with the sun just set- 
ting, and our picturesque boatmen sending 
the boat through thousands upon thousands 
of sea-gulls just to make them fly, until the 
air grew dark with their wings, and the sun- 
light on their white breasts looked like a 
great glistening snow-storm! 

One night we went to a masked ball given 

for the benefit of a new hospital which is 

situated upon the Golden Plorn. It was 

given by Mr. Levy, one of the Turkish Com- 

o 209 



AS SEEN BY ME 

missioners at the World's Fair, and the dec- 
orations were something marvellous. The 
walls were hung with embroideries which 
drove us the next day to the bazaars and 
nearly bankrupted us. Every street of Con- 
stantinople looks like a masked ball, so this 
one merely continued the illusion. We could 
distinguish the Mohammedan women from 
the others because they all went home before 
midnight without unmasking. 

This ball is interesting because it is called 
" The Engagement Ball." We were told 
that only at a subscription ball given for a 
charity in which their parents are interested 
and feel under moral obligation to support 
by their presence are the young people of 
Constantinople allowed to meet each other. 
The fathers and mothers occupy the boxes, 
and thus, under their very eyes, and masked, 
can love affairs be brought to a conclusion. 
During the week which followed no fewer 
than ten important engagements were duly 
heralded in the columns of the newspapers. 

The most exciting things in Constan- 
tinople are the earthquakes. We were afraid 
they would not have any while we were 
there, but they accommodated us with a very 
satisfactory one ! It upset my ink-bottle and 
broke the lamp and rattled everything in 
the room until I was delighted. When my 
companion came in she was indignant to 
210 



AS SEEN BY ME 

think that I had enjoyed the earthquake all 
to myself, for she was in the rooms of the 
American Bible Society, and being thus pro- 
tected, did not feel it. But I told her that 
that was her punishment for trying to prove 
that a missionary had cheated her, for she 
was not in that place for a godly purpose. 

At another time, however, we met with 
better success in obtaining a sensation of a 
different sort. We visited, in company with 
our Turkish friend, a small but wonderfully 
beautiful mosque not often seen by ordinary 
tourists, and afterwards went up on Galata 
tower to get the fine view of Constantinople 
which may be had there. It was just be- 
fore sunset again, and I am quite unable 
to make you see the utter loveliness of it. 
We crawled out on the narrow ledge which 
surrounds the top, and I had just got a capi- 
tal picture of my companion as she clutched 
the Turk to prevent being blown off, for the 
wind was something terrible, when sudden- 
ly the keepers rushed to the windows and 
jabbered excitedly in Turkish and ran up 
a flag, and behold, there was a fire ! Galata 
tow^er is the fire observatory. By the flags 
they hoist you can tell where the fire is. I 
never was at a fire in my life. Even when 
our stables burned down I was away from 
home. So here w^as my opportunity. The 
way we drove down those narrow streets was 
211 



AS SEEN BY ME 

enoiTgh to make one think that we were the 
fire department itself. Bnt when we arrived 
we found to onr grief that it was our dear 
little mosque w^hich was burning. Undoubt- 
edly we were the last visitors to enter it. 

We went back to the hotel for dinner, and 
about nine o'clock, hearing that the fire was 
spreading, we drove down again with our 
Turk, who regarded it as no unusual thing 
to take American women to two fires in 
the same day. We found the tenement-houses 
burning. Our carriage gave us no vantage- 
ground, so our friend, who speaks twelve 
languages, obtained permission to enter a 
house and go up on the roof. We never 
stopped to think that we might catch all 
sorts of diseases; we were so pleased at the 
courtesy of the poor souls. They had all 
their poor belongings packed ready to re- 
move if the fire crept any nearer, but ^hey 
ran ahead and lighted us up the dark stair- 
way with candles, and told us in Turkish 
what an honor we were doing their house, 
all of which touched me deeply. I wondered 
how many people I would have assisted up 
to our roof if my clothes were tied up in 
sheets in the hall, with the fire not a square 
away ! 

Fortunately, it came no nearer, and from 
that high, flat roof we watched the seething 
mass of yellow flames grow less and less and 
212 



AS SEEN BY ME 

then go completely under control. It wns 
Providence which did it, however, and not 
the Constantinople fire department, with its 
little streams of water tlie size of slate- 
pencils ! 

The dogs were one of the sights we were 
anxious to see; the Sultan was the other. 
We found the bazaars more fascinating than 
either. But we wanted to photograph the 
Sultan — chiefly, I think, because it was for- 
bidden. I have an ever-present unruly de- 
sire to do everything which these foreign 
countries absolutely forbid. But everybody 
said we could not. So we very meekly went 
to see him go to prayers, and left our cameras 
with the kavass. We had, with our custom- 
ary good fortune, a window directly in front 
of the Sultan's gate, not twenty feet from 
the door of the mosque. 

" If I had that camera here I could get 
him, and nobody would know!" I declared. 

'' But there are so many spies,'' our Turk- 
ish friend said. '^ It would be too danger- 
ous." 

We waited, and waited, and waited. 
^Never have the hours seemed so mortally 
long as they seemed to us as we watched the 
hands of the clock crawl past luncheon-time, 
hours and hours later than the Sultan was 
announced to pray, and still no Sultan. His 
little six- and seven-year old sons, in the uni- 
213 



AS SEEN BY ME 

form of colonels, were mounted on superb 
Arabian horses. These horses had tails so 
long that servants held them up going 
through the mud, as if they were ladies' 
trains. The children were dear things, with 
clear olive complexions and soft, dark eyes 
— Italian eyes. Then they grew tired of 
waiting, and dismounted, and came up to 
where we were, and shook hands in the sweet- 
est manner. My companion was for coaxing 
the little one into her lap, but she looked 
somewhat staggered when I reminded her 
that she would be trotting the colonel of the 
regiment on her knee. 

Then more cavalry came, and more bands, 
playing a little the worst of any that I ever 
heard, and we impatiently thrust our heads 
out of the window, thinking, of course, the 
Sultan was coming, but he was not. Then 
some infantry with white leggings and stiff 
knee-joints, with coils of green gas-pipe on 
their heads, like our student-lamps, marched 
by with a gait like a battalion of horses with 
the string-halt, and we shrieked with laugh- 
ter. Our friend said they called that the 
German step. Germany would declare war 
with Turkey if she ever heard that. 

By this time we were so tired and hungry 

and disgusted that we were about to go home 

and give up the Sultan when we saw no fewer 

than fifty men come toiling up the hill with 

214 



AS SEEN BY ME 

carpet-bags, as if they had brought their 
clothes, and intended to see the Sultan if it 
took a week. I do not know who or what 
they were, and I do not want to know. They 
served their purpose with us in that they 
put us into instantaneous good humor, and 
just then there was a commotion, and every- 
body straightened up and craned their necks ; 
and then, preceded by his body-guard, the 
Sultan drove slowly down, looked directly 
up at our window (and we groaned), and 
then turned in at the gate. Opposite to him 
sat Osman Pasha, the hero of Plevna. The 
ladies of the harem were driven into the 
court-yard surrounded by eunuchs, the horses 
were taken from their carriages, and there 
the ladies sat, guarded like prisoners, until 
the Sultan came out again. He then mount- 
ed into a superb gold chariot drawn by two 
beautiful white horses, and he himself drove 
out. Everj^body salaamed, and he raised his 
hand in return as if it was all the greatest 
possible bore. 

While he was driving into the court-yard 
the priest came out on the minaret and called 
men to prayer, and an English girl who sat 
at the next window informed her mother 
that he was announcing the names of the im- 
portant persons in the procession ! Her 
mother trained her glasses on him: — a mere 
speck against the sky — and said, ^^ Fancy !'' 
215 



AS SEEN BY ME 



The Sultan is not a beauty. If he were in 
America his sign would be that of the three 
golden balls. 

We went to see the mosques, and the offi- 
cials and priests and boatmen were so cross 
and surly on account of the fast of Ramazan 
that they would not let us take photographs 
without a fight. During Ramazan they nei- 
ther eat nor drink between sunrise and sun- 
set. 

On the fifteenth day of Ramazan the Sul- 
tan goes to the mosque of Eyoob to buckle on 
the sword of Mohammed in order to remind 
himself that the power of that sword has de- 
scended to himself. He does not announce 
his route, therefore the whole city is in a 
commotion, and they spread miles of streets 
with sand for fear he might take it into his 
head to go by some unusual way. It passes 
my compreliension why they should ever put 
any more dirt in the streets even for a Sultan. 
But sand is a mark of respect in Russia and 
Turkey, and it really cleans the streets a lit- 
tle. At least it absorbs the mud. Just as 
we were about to start for a balcony beneath 
which he was almost sure to pass, our Turk- 
ish friend whispered to us that if we wore 
capes we might take our cameras. Imagine 
our delight, for it was so dangerous. But 
the capes ! Ours were not half long enough 
to conceal the camera properly. It was grow- 
21G 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ing late. So in a perfect frenzy I dragged 
out my long pale blue sortie du hal, ripped 
the white velvet capes from it^ pinned a short 
sable cape to the top of it with safety-pins, 
and enveloped myself in this gorgeousness at 
eleven o'clock in the morning. We made a 
curious trio. Our Turk was in English 
tweeds witli a fez. My companion wore a 
smart tailor gown, and I was got up as if for 
a fancy-dress ball, but in the streets of Con- 
stantinople no one gave me a second glance. 
I was in mourning compared to some of the 
others. 

On the balcony with us were two small 
boys with projecting ears, of whom I stood in 
deadly terror, for if their boyish interest cen- 
tred in that camera of mine I was lost. 
Presently, liowever, with a tremendous clat- 
ter, the Sultan's advance-guard came gallop- 
ing down the street. I got them, turned the 
film, and was ready for the next — the car- 
riages of the state officials. I aimed well, 
and got them, but I was growing nervous. 
The boys writhed closer. I shoved them a 
little when their mother was not looking. 

'' Don't try to take so many," said our 
Turk. '' Here comes the Sultan. Aim low, 
and don't fire until you see the whites of his 
eyes." 

Again he looked up directly at us, and I 
snapped the shutter promptly. It was done. 
217 



AS SEEN BY ME 

I had succeeded in photographing the Sul- 
tan! To be sure, it was an oifense against 
the state, punishable by fine and imprison- 
ment, but nobody had caught me. The little 
boy next to me, who had walked on my dress 
and ground his elbows into me, craned his 
neck and stared at the Sultan with round 
eyes. He had beeli in my way ever since we 
arrived, but in an exuberance of tenderness I 
patted his head. 

But when we had those negatives developed 
I discovered to my disgust that instead of the 
Sultan I had taken an excellent photograph 
of that wretched little boy's ear. 



CAIRO 

I i^EED not have been afraid that the 
charms of Constantinople wonld spoil Cairo 
for me, although at first I was disappoint- 
ed. Most places have to be lived up to, espe- 
cially one like Cairo, whose attractions are 
vaunted by every tourist, every woman of 
fashion, every scholar, every idle club-man, 
everybody, either with brains or without. I 
wondered how it could be all things to all 
men. I simply thought it was the fashion to 
rave about it, and I was sick of the very 
sound of its name before I came. It was 
too perfect. It aroused the spirit of antago- 
nism in me. 

First of all, when you arrive in Cairo you 
find that it is very, very fashionable. You 
can get everything here, and yet it is prac- 
tically the end of the world. jN'early every- 
body who comes here turns around and goes 
back. Few go on. Even when you go up 
the Mle you must come back to Cairo. 
There is really nowhere else to go. 
219 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Yon drive tliroiigli smart English streets, 
and when yon find yonrself at Shepheard's 
yon are at the most famons hotel in the 
world ; yet, strange to say, in spite of its size, 
in spite of the thonsands of learned, famons, 
titled, and distinguished people who have 
been here, in sj)ite of its smartness and fash- 
ion, it is the most homelike hotel I ever was 
in. Everybody seems to know about yon and 
to take an interest in what yon are doing, and 
all the servants know yonr name and the 
number of your room, and when you go out 
into the great corridor, or when you sit on 
the terrace, there is not a trace of the super- 
cilious scrutiny which takes a mental inven- 
tory of your clothes and your looks and your 
letter of credit, which so often spoils the sun- 
set for you at similar hotels. 

Ghezireh Palace is even more fashionable 
than Shepheard's. Here we have baronets 
and counts and a few earls. But there they 
have dukes and kings and emperors, yet there 
is a gold-and-alabaster mantelpiece which 
takes your mind even from royalty, it is so 
beautiful. Ghezireh is situated on the Nile, 
half an hour's drive away, so that in spite of 
its royal atmosphere it never will take the 
place of Shepheard's. Here you see all the 
interesting people you have heard of in 
3^our life. You trip over the easels of famous 
artists in an angle of the narrow street, and 
220 



AS SEEN BY ME 

many famous authors, scientists, archseolo- 
gists, and scholars are here working or rest- 
ing. 

Yesterday I was told that four Americans 
who stood talking together on the terrace rep- 
resented two hundred millions of dollars. At 
dinner the red coats of the officers make brill- 
iant spots of color among all the black of the 
other men, and at first sight it does seem too 
odd to see evening dress consist of black trou- 
sers and a bright-red coat which stops off 
short at the waist. But if you think that 
looks odd, what will you say to the officers 
of the Highland regiments? Their full 
dress is almost as immodest in a different 
way as that of some women, and one of the 
most exquisite paradoxes of British custom 
is that a Highland undress uniform consists 
of the addition of long* trousers — more clothes 
than they w^ear in dress uniform. 

Cairo is cosmopolitan. You may ride a 
smart cob, a camel, or a donkey, and nobody 
will even look twice at you. You will see 
harem carriages with closed blinds; coupes 
with the syces running before them (and 
there is nothing in Cairo more beautiful than 
some of these men and the way they run) ; 
you will see the Khedive driving with his 
body-guard of cavalry; you will see fat 
Egyptian nurses out in basket phaeton with 
little English children; you will see tiny 
221 



AS SEEN BY ME 

hojs, no bigger than our Billy, in a fever 
of delight over riding on a live donkey, and 
attended by a syce ; you will see emancipated 
Egyptian women trying to imitate European 
dress and manners, and making a mess of 
it; you will see gamblers, adventurers, and 
savants all mixed together, with all the hues 
of the rainbow in their costumes; you will 
see water-carriers carrying drinking-water in 
nasty-looking dried skins, which still retain 
the outlines of the animals, only swollen out 
of shape, and unspeakably revolting ; you will 
see native women carrying their babies 
astride their shoulders, with the little things 
resting their tiny brown hands on their 
mothers' heads, and often laying their little 
black heads down, too, and going fast to 
sleep, while these women walk majestically 
through the streets with only their eyes show- 
ing ; you will see all sorts of hideous cripples, 
and more blind and cross-eyed people than 
you ever saw in all your life before ; you will 
see venders of fly-brushes, turquoises, am- 
ber, ostrich-feathers, bead necklaces from 
E^ubia, scarabsei and antiquities which bear 
the hall-marks of the manufacturers as clear- 
ly as if stamped " Made in Germany" ; you 
will see sore-eyed children sitting in groups 
in doorways, with numberless flies on each 
eye, making no effort to dislodge them; and 
you will visit mosques and bazaars which you 
222 



AS SEEN BY ME 

feel sure call for insect-powder ; you will see 
Arabian men knitting stockings in the street, 
and thinking it no shame ; you will see count- 
less eunuchs with their coal-black, beardless 
faces, their long, soft, nerveless hands, long 
legs, and the general make-up of a mush- 
room-boy who has outgrown his strength; 
you will hear the cawing of countless rooks 
and crows, and if you leave your window 
open these rascals will fly in and eat your 
fruit and sweets; you will see and hear the 
picturesque lemonade-vendor selling his vile- 
tasting acid from a long, beautiful brass ves- 
sel of irregular shape, and you never can get 
away from the horrible jangling noise he 
makes from two brass bowls to call attention 
to his w^ares ; you will see tiny boys in tights 
doing acrobatic feats on the sidewalk, walk- 
ing on their hands in front of you for a whole 
square as you take your afternoon stroll, and 
then pleading with you for backsheesh; you 
will see hideous monkeys of a sort you never 
saw before, trained to do the same thing, so 
that you cannot walk out in Cairo without 
being attended with some sort- of a body- 
guard, either monkey, acrobat, cripple, or 
the beggar-girls with their sweet, plaintive 
voices, their pretty smiles, and their eternal 
hunger, to coax the piasters from your open 
purse. But you accept these sights and 
sounds as a part of this wonderful old city, 
223 



AS SEEN BY ME 

and each day the fascination will grow on 
you until you will be obliged to go to a series 
of afternoon teas in order to cool your en- 
thusiasm. 

In passing, the flies of Egypt deserve a 
tribute to their peculiar qualities. A plague 
of American flies would be a luxury com- 
pared to the visit of one fly from Egypt. 
Eor untold centuries they have been in the 
habit of crawling over thick-skinned faces 
and bodies, and not being dislodged. They 
can stay all day if they like. Consequently, 
if they see an American eye, and they light 
on it, not content with that, they try to crawl 
in. You attempt to brush them off, but they 
only move around to the other side, until you 
nearly go mad with nervousness from their 
sticky feet. If they find out your ear they 
crawl in and walk around. You cannot dis- 
courage them. They craze you with their 
infuriating persistence. If / had been the 
Egyptians, the Israelites would have been 
escorted out of the country in state at the 
arrival of the first fly. 

England has done a marvellous good to 
Egypt by her training. She has taken a lot 
of worthless rascals and educated them to 
work at something, no matter if it does take 
five of them to call a cab. She has trained 
them to make good soldiers, well drilled be- 
cause drilled by English ofiicers^ and making 
224 



AS SEEN BY ME 

a creditable showing. She has made fairly 
dependable policemen of them^ but their legs 
are the most wabbly and crooked of any that 
ever were seen. These policemen are armed. 
One carries a pistol and the other the car- 
tridges. If they happened to be together 
they could be very dangerous to criminals. 
She has developed all the resources of the 
country, and made it fat and productive, but 
she never can give the common people brains. 
It poured rain this morning, and there is 
no drainage; consequently, rivers of water 
were rushing down the gutters, making 
crossings impassable and traffic impossible. 
They called out the fire-engines to pump the 
water up in the main thoroughfare, but on a 
side street I stopped the carriage for half an 
hour and watched four Arabs working at the 
problem. One walked in with a broom and 
swept the water down the gutter to another 
man who had a dust-pan. With this dust- 
pan he scooped up as much as a pint of water 
at a time, and poured it into a tin pail, which 
gave occupation to the third Arab, who stood 
in a bent position and urged him on. The 
fourth Arab then took this pail of water, ran 
out, and emptied it into the middle of the 
street, and the water beat him running back 
to the gutter. I said to them, " Why don't 
you use a sieve ? It would take longer." 
And they said, " Iso speak English.'' 
p 225 



AS SEEN BY ME 

I watched tliem until I grew tired, and 
then I went to the ostrich-farm as a sort of 
distraction, and I really think that an ostrich 
has more brains than an Arab. 

This farm is very large, and the ostrich- 
pens are bnilt of mud. I never had seen 
ostriches before, and I had no idea how 
hideous, how big, and how enchanting they 
are. They have the most curious agate-color- 
ed eyes — colorless, cold, yet intelligent eyes. 
But they are the eyes of a bird without a 
conscience. They have no soul, as camels 
have. An ostrich looks as if he would really 
enjoy villainy, as if he could commit crime 
after crime from pure love of it, and never 
know remorse; yet there is a fascination 
about the old birds, and they have their good 
points. The father is domestic in spite of 
looking as if he belonged to all the clubs, 
and, much to my delight, I saw one sitting 
on the eggs while the mother walked out and 
took the air. Ostriches and Arabs do wom- 
en's work with an admirable disregard of 
Mrs. Grundy. Ostriches have an irresistible 
way of waving their lovely plumy wings, and 
one old fellow twenty-five years old actually 
imitates the dervishes. The keeper says to 
him, '^ Dance," and although he is about ten 
feet tall, he sits down with his scaly legs 
spread out on each side of him, and, shutting 
his eyes, he throws his long, ugly red neck 
226 



AS SEEN BY ME 

from side to side, making a curious grunting 
noise, and waving his wings in billowy line 
like a skirt-dancer. It was too wonderful 
to see him, and it was almost as revolting as 
a real dervisli. 

We saw these dervishes once ; nothing could 
persuade us to go twice — thev were too nasty. 
The night the Khedive goes to the Citadel, 
to the mosque of Mohammed AH, to pray for 
his heart's desire (for on that night all pray- 
ers of the faithful are sure to be answered), 
the dervishes in great numbers are perform- 
ing their rites. They are called the howl- 
ing dervishes, but they do not howl; they 
only make a horrible grunting noise. They 
have long, dirty, greasy hair, and as they 
throw their bodies backward and forward 
this hair flies, and sometimes strikes the care- 
less observer in the face. They work them- 
selves up to a perfect passion of religious 
ecstasy to the monotonous sound of Arab 
m.usic, and never have I heard or seen any- 
thing more revolting. The negroes in the 
South when they ^' get the power'' are not 
nearly so repulsive. 

It is England's wise policy in all her colo- 
nies to have her army- take part in the na- 
tional religious ceremonies, so when the Sa- 
cred Carpet started from the Citadel on its 
journey to Mecca there was a magnificent 
military display. 

227 



AS SEEN BY ME 

it is an odd thing to call it a carpet^, for 
it not only is not a carpet in itself, but it is 
not the shape of a carpet, it is not nsed for a 
carpet, and does not look like a carpet. 

We were among the fortunate ones who 
were invited to the private view of it the 
night before, when the faithful were dedicat- 
ing it. They sat on the floor, these Moham- 
medans, rocking themselves back and forth, 
and chanting the Koran. I believe the reason 
nearly all Arabs have crooked legs is because 
they squat so much. One cannot have 
straight legs when one uses one's legs to sit 
down on for hours at a time. They always 
sit in the sun, too, and that must bake them 
into their crookedness. 

The " carpet" is a black velvet embroider- 
ed solidly in silver and gold. It is shaped 
like an old-fashioned Methodist church, only 
there are minarets at the four corners. It 
looks like a pall. Every year they send a 
new one to Mecca, and then the old one is 
cut into tiny bits and distributed among the 
faithful, who wear it next their hearts. 

This carpet was about six feet long, and 
was railed in so that no one could touch it. A 
man stood by and sprayed attar of roses on 
you as you passed, but I do not know what 
he did it for, unless it was to turn sensitive 
women faint with the heaviness of the per- 
fume. 

2,28 



AS SEEN BY ME 

But the next morning the procession ioi^'ni- 
ed, and amid the wildest enthusiasm, the bow- 
ing and sahiaming of the men, and the shout- 
ing and running of the chiklren, and the sing- 
ing of the Arabs who bore the carpet, it was 
placed upon the most magnificent camel I 
ever saw, which was covered from head to 
foot with cloth of gold, and whose very gait 
seemed more majestic because of his saci'ed 
burden, and thus, led by scores of enthusi- 
astic Arabs, he moved slowly down the street, 
following the covering for the tomb, and in 
turn being followed by one scarcely less mag- 
nificent destined to cover the sacred carpet 
in its camel journey to Mecca. That was 
absolutely all there was to it, yet the Khedive 
was there with a fine military escort, and all 
Cairo turned out at the unearthly hour of 
eight o'clock in the morning to see it. 

As we drove back we saw the streets for 
blocks around a certain house hung with 
colored-glass lanterns, and thousands upon 
thousands of small Turkey-red banners with 
white Arabic letters on them strung on wires 
on each side of the street. These we knew 
were the decorations for the famous wedding 
which was to occur that night, and to which 
we had fortunately been bidden. It was in 
very smart society. The son of a pasha was 
to marry the daughter of a pasha, and the 
presents were said to be superb. 



AS SEEN BY ME 

We wore our best clothes. We had or- 
dered our bouquets beforehand, for one al- 
ways presents the bride with a bouquet, and 
they were really very beautiful. It was a 
warm night, with no wind, and the heavens 
were twinkling with millions of stars. Such 
big stars as they have in Egypt ! 

When we arrived we were taken in charge 
by a eunuch so black that I had to feel my 
way up-stairs. There were, perhaps, fifty 
other eunuchs standing guard in the ante- 
chamber, and our dragoman took the men who 
brought us around to another door, where all 
the men had to wait while we women visited 
the bride. 

A motley throng of women were in the 
outer room — fat black women with waists 
two yards around, canary-colored women 
laced into low-cut European evening dresses, 
brown women in native dress ; a babel of 
voices, chattering in curious Erench, Ara- 
bic, Turkish, and Greek. All the women 
were terribly out of shape from every point 
of view, and not a pretty one among them. 
One attendant snatched my bouquet without 
even a ^^ Thank you" (I had been wondering 
to whom I should give it, but I need not have 
worried), and patted me on the back as she 
pushed me into the room where the bride sat 
on a throne amid piles upon piles of bou- 
quets. She had a heavy, pale face covered 
230 



AS SEEN BY ME 

with powder, eyes and eyebrows blackened, 
nails stained with henna, and a figure much 
too fat. She wore a garment made of some- 
thing which looked like mosquito-netting 
heavily embroidered in gold, which hung 
like a rag. Her jewels were magnificent, 
but the effect of all this gorgeousness was 
rather spoiled to the artistic eye by her gro- 
tesque surroundings. 

After we had visited the bride we were ap- 
proached by a little yellow woman in blue 
satin, who asked me in French if I w^ould not 
like to see the chamhre a couclier, and I said 
I would. We were then conducted to a room 
all hung in blue satin embroidered in red. 
Lambrequins, chair-covers, bed-covers, pil- 
lows, bed-hangings — all the careful work of 
the bride. Then we were invited to inspect 
the presents in another room, which were all 
in glass cabinets. Dozens of amber and 
jewelled cigarette-holders and ornaments of 
every description, most magnificent, but of no 
earthly use — as wedding presents sometimes 
are. 

Then we came down-stairs, and had all 
sorts of things at a banquet, and heard Arab 
music, and sat around in the room, where our 
men met us, and feeling rather bored, we de- 
cided to go home. There we were wise, for 
we met quite by accident the procession of the 
bridegroom. He was escorted through the 
281 



AS SEEN BY ME 

streets by a Band, and two rows of young 
men carrying candelabra nnder glass shades. 
We turned and drove along beside liim and 
watched liim, but he was so nervous we felt 
that it was rather a mean thing to do. He 
was a handsome fellow, but never have I seen 
a man who looked so unhappy and ill at 
ease. When he entered the house he pro- 
ceeded to the door of the bride's room, where 
he threw down silver and gold as backsheesh 
until her women were satisfied ; then he was 
permitted to enter. 

As we drove away for the second time I 
remembered that they were having " torch- 
light tattoo " at the barracks, and we decided 
to stop for a moment. 

" It won't seem bad to see some soldiers 
who can march, for the English soldiers are 
magnificently trained," I said, as we stopped 
to buy our tickets. A young officer whom I 
had met heard my remark, and smiled and 
saluted. 

" The English soldiers are the best in the 
world, arent they?" he said, teasingly. 

" Undoubtedly," I replied, tranquilly. 

He looked a little staggered. He had en- 
countered my belligerent spirit before, and 
he did not expect me to agree with him. 

" You — you, an American, admit that f 
he said. 

^^ Surely," I replied. 
232 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" But why ?'' he persisted, most unwisely, 
for it gave me my chance. 

'^ Because the Americans are the only 
ones who ever whipped them! American 
soldiers can heat even the hest !" 

It is now six weeks since I said that, but 
as yet he has made no reply. 



XI 

THE NILE 

Iw travelling abroad there are some things 
which you wish to do more than others. There 
are certain treasures yon particularly desire 
to see, certain scenes your mind has pictured, 
until the dream has almost become a reality. 
The ascent of the Nile was one of my Meccas, 
and now that it is over the reality has almost 
become a dream. 

In Egypt the weather is so nearly perfect 
during the season that it was no surprise to 
find the day of our departure a cloudless one. 
I seldom worry myself to arrange beforehand 
for the creature comforts of a journey, trust- 
ing to the beneficent star which seems to 
hover over the unworthy to shine upon my 
pathway. But this time I had so dreamed of 
and brooded over and longed for the IN'ile 
that I went so far as to investigate the differ- 
ent lines of boats, and wx chose the moonlight 
time of the month, and we hurried through 
Russia and Turkey and Greece with but one 
234 



AS SEEN BY ME 

aim in view, and that was to have onr feet on 
the deck of the Mayfloiuer on the 19th of Feb- 
rnary. And we succeeded. 

Ah, it was a dream well worth realizing! 
Twenty -one days of rest. Three glorious 
weeks of smooth sailing over calm waters. 
Three weeks of warmth and sunshine by day, 
and of poetry and starlight by night. Three 
weeks of drifting in the romance which sur- 
rounds the name of that great sorceress, that 
wonderful siren, that consummate coquette, 
that most fascinating woman the world has 
ever known. Three weeks of steeping one's 
soul in the oldest, most complete and satis- 
factory ruins on the face of the earth. Here, 
in delving into the past, we would have no 
use for the comparative word " hundreds." 
We could boldly use the superlative word 
^^ thousands.'' What memories ! what dreams ! 
what fragments of half -forgotten history and 
romance came floating through the brain ! I 
have, general 1}^, little use for guide-books ex- 
cept, afterwards, to verify what I have seen. 
But I admit that I had an especial longing to 
reach the temple of Denderah, which was 
said to contain the most famous relief of 
Cleopatra extant. I was anxious to see if 
her beauty or her charm or anything which 
accounted for her sorceries were reproduced. 
^' If Cleopatra's nose had been shorter, the 
whole h-i story of the world would have been 
285 



AS SEEN BY ME 

clianged." How far away she seemed ! How 
near slie would become ! 

On the terrace at Shepheard's the morning 
of onr departure you could see by people's 
faces how they were going to make this jour- 
ney. Some had Stanley helmets on, and were 
laden with cushions and steamer-chairs and 
fruits as if for an ocean voyage. Others 
were clutching their Baedeker, and their 
Amelia Edwards, and their ^' Kismet/' and 
their note-books, and wore a do-or-die expres- 
sion of countenance. One or two others 
floated around aimlessly, with dreamy eyes, 
as if they were already lost in the past which 
now pressed so closely at hand. Then the 
coach from the Gehzireh Palace rolled by in 
a cloud of dust, and people hurried down the 
steps of Shepheard's and took their places in 
our coach, and the dragomans in their gor- 
geous costumes followed with wraps, and the 
porters bustled about stowing away hand-lug- 
gage, and Arabs croAvded near, thrusting 
their violets and roses and amber necklaces 
and beaded fly-brushes into your very face, 
and the old man who sells turquoises made 
his last eftort to sell you a set for shirt-studs, 
and the Egyptians and East-Indians from the 
bazaars opposite came to the door and looked 
on with the perennial interest and friendli- 
ness of the Orient, and a swarm of beggars 
pleaded, with the excitement of a last chance, 
236 



AS SEEN BY ME 

for backsheesh, and there was a babel of 
tongues — French, English, Italian, German, 
and Arabic, all hurtling about your ears like 
so many verbal bullets in a battle, when sud- 
denly the door slammed, the driver cracked 
his whip, the coach lurched forward, the chil- 
dren scattered — and we were off. 

Everybody knows when a boat starts up 
the Kile, and everybody is interested and 
nods and waves to everybody else. There 
was a short drive to the river amid polite calls 
of '^ good-bye '' and " hon voyage/^ and there 
lay the Mayfloioer, like a great white bird 
with comfortably folded wings. Nobody 
seemed to hurry much, for a Nile boat does 
not start until her passengers are all on board. 
An hour or so makes no difference. 

You go down tlie bank of the Nile to go on 
board a boat upon steps cut in the earth, and 
if your hands are full and you cannot hold 
up your dress, you sweep some three inches 
of fine yellow dust after you. But you don't 
care. The man ahead scuffed his dust in 
your face, and the woman behind you is 
sneezing in yours, and everything and every- 
body are a little yellowish from it, but no- 
body stops to brush it off. It is too exciting 
to hurry up on deck and place your steamer- 
chair and fling your things into your state- 
room and rush out again for fear that you 
will miss something. 

237 



AS SEEN BY ME 

There were Italians, French, English, 
Poles, Swedes, and Americans on board. 
Some of them had titles. Some had only bad 
manners, with nothing to excuse them. But, 
after all, everybody was nice. I got through 
the whole three weeks without hating any- 
body and with only wanting to drown one 
passenger. What better record of amiability 
could you ask? 

But one thing marred the start. This 
Anglo - American line of boats is the only 
line in Egypt which flies the American flag. 
That w^as the final inducement they offered 
which decided my choice of the Mayflower. 
But while we knew that she was obliged to 
fly the British flag also, we were indignant be- 
yond words to see a huge Union Jack floating 
at the top of the forward flagstaff and be- 
neath it a toy American flag about the size 
of a cigar-box. Beneath the English flag! 
I nearly wept with rage. The owner of the 
line was at hand, and I did not wait to draw 
up a petition or to consult my fellow- Ameri- 
cans. I just said: "Have the goodness to 
haul down that infant American flag, will 
you? I have no objection to sailing under 
both, but I do object to such an insulting dis- 
parity in size. Besides that, you seem to 
have forgotten that the American flag never 
flies heloiD any other flag on God's green 
earth!'' 

238 



AS SEEN BY ME 

He made some apologies, and gave the or- 
der at once. The baby was hauled down 
amid the smiles of the English passengers. 
But at Assiout we were avenged when an 
enormous American flag arrived by rail and 
was hoisted to the main flagstaff, twenty feet 
higher than tlie British. When I came out 
on deck that Sunday morning, and saw that 
blessed flag waving above me, everything 
blurred before my eyes, and I do assure you 
that it was tlie most beautiful sight I saw in 
all of that European continent. You may 
talk about your temples and your ruins and 
your old masters ! Have you ever seen " Old 
Glory'' flying straight out from a flagstaff 
in a foreign country seven thousand miles 
away from home ? 

The Nile is much broader than I expected 
to find it, and, like the Missouri and the 
Golden Horn, it is always muddy. The 
Mayflower carries only fifty passengers, 
which is of the greatest advantage for don- 
key-rides and for seeing the ruins, a larger 
party being unwieldy. She draws but two 
feet of water, having been built expressly 
for Nile service, so we had the proud satis- 
faction of seeing one of the big Rameses 
boats stuck on a sand-bank for eighteen 
hours, while we tooted past her blowing 
whistles of defiance and derision. Whenever 
we felt ourselves going aground on a sand- 
33D 



AS SEEN BY ME 

bank we just reversed the engines and backed 
off again, or else put on extra steam and 
ground our way through it. In the whole 
three weeks we were not aground ^ve min- 
utes, although we passed one wreck settling 
in the water, with the bedding and stores 
piled up on the bank, and the passengers sail- 
ing away in the swallow-winged feluccas, 
which had swooped down to their rescue like 
so many compassionate birds. 

Afternoon tea on the Nile is an unforget- 
able function. Everybody comes on decJv 
and sits under the awning and watches the 
sun go down. Each day the sunsets grow 
more beautiful. Each day they differ from 
all the rest. Such yellows and purples! 
Such violet shadows on the golden water! 
Such a marvellously sudden sinking of the 
sun in a crimson flame behind the flat brown 
hills ! And then the stillness of the Nile in 
the opal aftermath ! Those sunsets are some- 
thing to carry in the memory forever and a 
day. 

At night the sailors lower the side awn- 
ings, crawling along the railings with their 
naked prehensile feet. The captain, a Nu- 
bian, on a salary of eighty-five cents a day, 
selects a suitable spot on the bank where the 
boat may remain all night. Then the bow 
of the boat heads for the shore and digs her 
nose in the soft mud. The sailors pitch the 
240 



AS SEEN BY ME 

stakes and mallets out on to the bank and 
spring ashore. Then with Arab songs which 
they ahvays sing when rowing, hauling ropes, 
scrubbing the decks, or doing any sort of 
work, the stem is gradually hauled alongside 
the bank, and there we stay until morning 
in a stillness so absolute that even the cry 
of the jackals seems in harmony with the 
loneliness of it. 

I dreaded the first excursion. It was to 
Memphis and Sakhara, eighteen miles in all, 
and I never had been on a donkey in my life. 
I am not afraid of horses, but donkeys are so 
much like mules. My friends encouraged 
me all they could. They said that I would 
have a donkey-boy all to myself, that the 
donkey never went out of a walk, and wound 
up by the cheerful assurance that if he did 
pitch me over his head I would not have far 
to fall. 

The donkey-boys of the ^N'ile deserve a 
book all to themselves. Such craft! Such 
flattery ! Such knowledge of human nature ! 
With unerring sagacity they discover your 
nationality and give your donkey names 
famous in your own country, ^ever will 
an Englishman find himself astride "Yankee 
Doodle " or " Uncle Sam,'' or an American 
upon " John Bull." They pick you up in 
their arms to put you on or take you from 
your donkey as if you were a baby. They 
Q ' 241 



AS SEEN BY ME 

run beside you holding your umbrella with 
one hand, and with the other arm holding 
you on if you are timid. Staid, dignified 
women who teach Sunday-school classes at 
home, who would not permit a white man- 
servant to touch them, lean on their donkey- 
boys as if they were human balustrades. 

My first donkey-boy was an enchanting 
rascal. He looked like a handsome bronze 
statue. My donkey was a pale, drab little 
beast, woolly and dejected. He looked as 
though if you hurled contemptuous epithets 
at him for a week they would all fit his case. 
My companion's was more jaunty. He had 
been clipped in patterns. His legs were all 
done in hieroglyphics, and he held his ears 
up while mine trailed his in the sand. 

]N^evertheless, I was so deadly afraid of 
him that I saw my forty-nine fellow-passen- 
gers leave me, one after the other, while I 
still hesitated and eyed him suspiciously. 
Perhaps I never would have mounted had 
not Imam, the dragoman, with the frank un- 
ceremoniousness of the East, caught me up 
in his arms and landed me on my donkey be- 
fore I could protest. And in the face of his 
childish smile of confidence I could only 
gasp. We moved off with the majesty of a 
funeral procession. 

^^ What's the name of my donkey ?" asked 
my companion. 

242 



AS SEEN BY ME 

" Cleveland/' came the answer like a 
flash. 

We were enchanted. 

^' And what's the name of mine ?" I asked. 

^^McKinley!" 

Then we shouted. You have no idea how 
funny it sounded to hear those two familiar 
names in such strange surroundings. We 
nearly tumbled off in our delight, and so 
quick are those clever little donkey-boys to 
watch your face and divine your mood that 
in a second they gave that weird, long-drawn 
donkey call, " Oh-h-ah-h !" and my com- 
panion's donkey swung into a gentle trot, 
with her donkey-boy running behind, beating 
him with a stick and pinching him in the 
legs. 

At that Mclvinley, not to be outdone by 
any Democratic donkey, pricked up his ears. 
I heard a terrific commotion behind me. 
The string of bells around McKinley's neck 
deafened me, and I remember then and there 
losing all confidence in the administration, 
for McKinley was a Derby winner. He was 
a circus donkey. He broke into a crazy 
gallop, then into a mad run. I shrieked, but 
my donkey-boy thought it was a sound of 
joy, and only prodded him the more. In 
less than two minutes I had shot past every 
one of the party, and for the whole day 
McKinley and I headed the procession. I 
243 



AS SEEN BY ME 

only saw my companion at a distance 
through a cloud of dust, and she does not 
trust me any more. Thus have I to bear the 
sins of Mohammed Ali, my perfidious don- 
key-hoy, who forced me to lead the van on 
that dreadful first day at Sakhara. 

Everywhere you go you hear the insist- 
ent, importunate cry for backsheesh. Old 
men, women, children, dragomans, guides, 
merchants, and street-venders — all sorts and 
conditions of men beg for it. They teach 
even babies to take hold of your dress and cry 
for it. And to toss backsheesh over to the 
crowd on the bank as the steamer moves away 
is to see every one of them roll over in the 
dirt and fight and scratch like cats over half 
a piaster. There is no such thing as self- 
respect among the natives. They are govern- 
ed by blows and curses, and even the eyes of 
sheiks and native police glisten at the word 
" backsheesh." 

At Assiout one night we heard some one 
calling from the bank in English : ^^ Lady, 
lady, give me some English books. I am a 
Christian. I can read English. Give me a 
Bible. 1 go to the American college. I want 
to be a preacher." I leaned over the railing 
and discerned a very black boy, whose name, 
he said, was Solomon. I was so surprised to 
hear ^^ Bible" instead of " backsheesh " that 1 
investigated. He said his mother and father 
244 



AS SEEN BY ME 

were dead; that he had only been to college 
a year ; that he wanted to be a preacher, and 
that he would pray God for me if I wonld 
give him a Bible. I was touched. He spelled 
America, and I gave him backsheesh. He 
told me the population of the United States, 
and I gave him more backsheesh. He sang 
" Upidee " with an accent which threw me 
into such ecstasies that it brought the whole 
boat to hear him, and we all gave him back- 
sheesh. But his piety was what captivated us. 
I heard afterwards that no fewer than ten 
of us privately resolved to give him Bibles. 
He begged us to visit the college ; so the next 
day eight of us gave up the tombs and went 
to the American college, which was floating 
the Stars and Stripes because it was Wash- 
ington's birthday. We spoke to Dr. Alex- 
ander, the president, of our friend Solomon. 
He told us that he was an absolute fraud, but 
one of the cleverest boys in the college. He 
was not an orphan. His father took a new 
wife every year, and his mother also had an 
assorted collection of husbands. He had 
been to school five years instead of one. He 
had no end of Bibles. People gave them to 
him and he sold them. He had been in jail 
for stealing, and on the whole his showing 
was not such as to encourage us to help him 
to preach. Such was Solomon, a typical 
Egvptian, an equally accurate type of the 
245 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Arab. They are the cleverest and most con- 
summate liars in the world. I wonder that 
the noble men and women who are giving 
their lives to teaching in that wonderful mis- 
sion college have the courage to go on with 
it, the material is so unpromising. Yet 
Arabic acuteness makes it interesting, after 
all. A pretty little water-carrier named 
Fatima, who wore a blue bead in the hole 
bored in her nose, and only one other gar- 
ment besides, ran beside me at Denderah, 
calling me " beautiful princess," and kissing 
my hand until she made my glove sticky, 
^one of us were too old or too hideous in our 
E'ile costumes to be called beautiful and 
good. My donkey-boy at Karnak assured me 
that I was his father and his mother. He 
touched his forehead to my hand, then show- 
ed me how his dress was ^^ broken," and 
begged his new father-and-mother to give 
him a new one. 

They are creatures of a different race. 
You treat them as you would treat affection- 
ate dogs. Y^ou beat them if they pick your 
pockets, as they do every chance they get, 
and then they offer to show you the boy who 
did it. I never got to the point of personally 
beating mine, but Imam beat a few of them 
every day. On one occasion my donkey- 
boy, Hassan, was angry with me because I 
would not let him buy feed for the donkey, 
246 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Ammon Ra, and refused to bring him np 
when I wanted to mount. I called to the 
dragoman, and said: 

'' Imam, Hassan won't bring up mv don- 
key." 

Imam looked at him a moment in silence, 
then with a lightning slap on the cheek he 
laid him flat in the sand. I was horrified. 
But to mj amazement Hassan hopped up 
and began to kiss my sleeve and to apologize, 
saying, '^ Very good lady. Bad donkey-boy. 
Hassan sorry. Very good lady." 

We have had three Christmases this year. 
The first was in Berlin, the second in Rus- 
sia, and the third on the Nile — the day after 
the fast of Ramazan is ended. Ramazan 
lasts only thirty days instead of forty, like our 
Lent. The thirty-first is a holiday. They 
present each other with gifts, do no work, 
and picnic in the graveyards. 

Between Esneh and Luxor we passed a 
steamer with some English officers on board, 
and their steamer was towing two flat-boats 
containing their regiments, all going to 
Kitchener in the Soudan. I used the field- 
glass on them, while my companion photo- 
graphed them. We waved to them, and they 
waved to us and swung their hats and sa- 
luted. At Edfou they caught up with us, 
and passed so close to our boat that the gen- 
tlemen talked to them and asked what their 
247 



AS SEEN BY ME 

regiments were. They said the Twenty-first 
Lancers and the Seaforth and Cameron 
Highlanders. Then their boat was gone. 
How conld we know that those gallant offi- 
cers of the Twenty-first Lancers would so 
soon lead that daring cavalry charge at Om- 
durman, and possibly one of those who sa- 
luted so gayly was the one killed on the aw- 
ful day ? It touched us very much, however, 
to think that they might be going to their 
death, and we were glad they did not belong 
to us, little dreaming that the blowing-up of 
the Maine ^ of which we had just heard, 
would so soon plunge our own dear country 
into war, and that our own fathers and 
brothers and friends would be marching and 
sailing away to defend that same ^' Old 
Glory " whose stars and stripes were floating 
over our heads, and whose gallant colors 
would succor the oppressed and avenge in- 
sult with equal promptness and equal dig- 
nity. 

The temple of Denderah is not, to my 
mind, more beautiful than those of Luxor 
and Karnak; in fact, both of those are more 
majestic, but the mural decorations of Den- 
derah are in a state of marvellous preserva- 
tion. I own, after seeing that in some places 
even the original colors remained, that I 
quite held my breath as we approached the 
famous figure of Cleopatra. The sorceress 
248 



AS SEEN BY ME 

of the Nile! The favorite of the goddess 
Hathor herself ! The siren who could tempt 
an emperor to forsake his empire or a gen- 
eral to renounce fame and honor more easily 
than a modern woman could persuade a man 
to break an engagement to dine with her 
rival ! Queen of the Lotus ! Empress of 
the Pyramids ! What grace, what charm I 
anticipated ! I wondered if she would be 
portrayed floating down to meet Antony, 
with her purple and perfumed sails, her 
cloth of gold garments, her peacocks, her 
ibex, her lotus-blooms, and if all her myste- 
rious fascinations would be spread before 
the delighted gaze of her humble worshipper. 

What I found is shown in the frontis- 
piece to this volume. Beauty unadorned 
with a vengeance ! From this time on I shall 
question the taste of Antony. I only wish 
he could have lived to see some American 
girls I knoAv. 

We saw Karnak and Philse by moonlight, 
and we lunched in the tombs of the kings, 
with hieroglyphics thousands of years old 
looking down upon our pickled onions and 
cold fowl, and we ploughed through the 
sands at Assouan and saw the naked Nu- 
bians, wn'th a silver ear-ring in the top of 
their left ear, shoot the rapids of the first 
cataract. We stood, too, in the temple of 
Luxor, before the altar of Hathor, with the 
249 



AS SEEN BY ME 

sunset on one side and the moonrise on the 
other, and heard what her votaries say to the 
Goddess of Beauty. It was so mystical that 
we almost joined in the worship of the Egyp- 
tian Venus Aphrodite. It was so still, so 
majestic, so aloof from everything modern 
and new. 

The Nile is essentially a river of silence 
and mystery. The ibis is always to be seen, 
standing alone, seemingly absorbed in 
meditation. The camels turn their beauti- 
ful soft eyes upon you as if you were intrud- 
ing upon their silence and reserve. Never 
were the eyes in a human head so beautiful 
as a camel's. There is a limpid softness, an 
appealing plaintiveness in their expression 
which drags at your sympathies like the look 
in the eyes of a hunchback. It means that, 
with your opportunities, you might have 
done more with your life. Your mother 
looks at you that way sometimes in church, 
when the sermon touches a particularly raw 
nerve in your spiritual make-up. I always 
feel like apologizing when a camel looks at 
me. 

One moonlight night was so bright that 
our boat started about three o'clock instead 
of waiting for daylight, and the start swung 
my state-room door open. It was so warm that 
I let it remain, and lay there hearing the gen- 
tle swish of the water curling against the side 
250 



AS SEEN BY ME 

of the steamer, and seeing the soft moonlight 
form a silver pathway from the yellow bank 
across the river to my cabin door. The ma- 
chinery made no noise. There was no more 
vibration than on a sail-boat. And there was 
the whole panorama of the Nile spread before 
my eyes, with all its romance ancl all its mys- 
tery bathed in an enchanting radiance. Oc- 
casionally a raven croaked. Sometimes a 
jackal howled. An obelisk made an excla- 
mation-point against the sky, or the ruins of 
a temple fretted the horizon. It was the land 
of Ptolemj'j of liameses, of Hathor, of Horns, 
of Isis and Osiris, of Ilerodotns and Cleo- 
patra, of Pharaoh's daughter and Moses. It 
was the silence of tlie ages which fell upon 
me, and then and there, in that hour of abso- 
lute stillness and solitude and beauty un- 
speakable, all my dreams of the N^ile came 
true. 



XII 



GREECE 



After our ship left Smyrna, where the 
camels are the finest in the world, and where 
the rugs set you crazy, we came across to the 
Piraeus, and arrived so late that very few of 
the passengers dared to land for fear the ship 
would sail without them. It Avas blowing a 
perfect gale, the sea was rough, and the cap- 
tain too cross to tell us how long we would 
have on shore. I looked at my companion 
and she looked at me. In that one glance we 
decided that we would see the Acropolis or 
die in the attempt. A Cook's guide was 
watching our indecision with hungry eyes. 
[We have since named him Bar abbas, for rea- 
sons known to every unfortunate who ever 
fell into his hands. But he was clever. He 
said that we might cut his head off if he did 
not get us back to the boat in time. We as- 
sured him that we would gladly avail our- 
selves of his permission if that ship sailed 
without us. Then we scuttled down the heav- 
252 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ing stairway at the ship's side, and away we 
went over (or mostly through) the waves to 
the Pimeus. There we took a carriage, and 
at the maddest gallop it ever was my lot to 
travel we raced up that lovely smooth avenue, 
between rows of wild pepper-trees which met 
overhead, to Athens; through Athens at a 
run, and reached the Acropolis, blown al- 
most to pieces ourselves, and with the horses 
in a white foam. 

Up to that time the Acropolis had been but 
a name to me. I landed because it was a 
sight to see, and I thought an hour or so 
would be better than to miss it altogether. 
But when I climbed that hill and set my foot 
within that majestic ruin, something awful 
clutched at my heart. I could not get my 
breath. The tears came into my eyes, and 
all at once I was helpless in the grasp of the 
most powerful emotion which ever has come 
over me in all Europe. I could not under- 
stand it, for I came in an idle mood, no more 
interested in it than in scores of other won- 
ders I was thirsting to see ; Luxor, Karnak^ 
Philse, Denderah — all of those invited me 
quite as much as the Acropolis, but here I 
was speechless with surprise at my own emo- 
tion. I can imagine that such violence of 
feeling might turn a child into a woman, a 
boy into a man. All at once I saw the whole 
of Greek art in its proper setting. The 
253 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Venus of Milo was no longer in the Louvre 
against its red background, where French 
taste has placed it, the better to set it off. 
Its cold, proud beauty was here again in 
Greece; the Hermes at Olympia; the Wing- 
less Victory from the temple of l!^ike Apte- 
ros, made wingless that victory might never 
depart from Athens; the lovelier Winged 
Victory from the Louvre, with her electric 
poise, the most exhilarating, the most inspir- 
ing, the most intoxicating Victory the world 
has ever known, was loosed from her marble 
prison, and was again breathing the pure air 
of her native hills. Their white figures came 
crowding into my mind. 

The learning of the philosophers of 
Greece ; the " plain living and high think- 
ing '' they taught ; the unspeakable purity of 
her art; the ineffable manner in which her 
masters reproduced the idea of the stern, cold 
pride of aloofness in these sublime types of 
perfect men, wrung my heart with a sense of 
personal loss. I can imagine that Pygmalion 
felt about Galatea as I felt that first hour in 
the Acropolis. I can imagine that a woman 
who had loved with the passion of her life 
a man of matchless integrity, of superb 
pride, of lofty ideals, and who had lost that 
love irretrievably through a fault of her 
own, whose gravity she first saw through his 
eyes Avhen it was too late, might have felt as 
254 



AS SEEN BY ME 

I felt in that hour. All the agony of a hope- 
less love for an art which never can return; 
all the sense of personal loss for the purity 
which I was completely realizing for the first 
time Avhen it was too late; all the intense 
longing to have the dead past live again, that 
I might prove myself more worthy of it, as- 
sailed me with as mighty a force as ever the 
human heart could experience and still con- 
tinue to beat. The piteous fragments of this 
lost art which remained — a few columns, the 
remnants of an immortal frieze, the long lines 
of drapery from which the head and figure 
were gone, the cold brow of the Hermes, the 
purity of his profile, the proud curve of his 
lips, the ineffable wanness of his smile — I 
could have cast myself at the foot of the Par- 
thenon and wept over the personal disaster 
wdiich befell me in that hour of realization. 

I never again ^vish to go through such an 
agony of emotion. The Acropolis made the 
whole of Europe seem tawdry. I felt ashamed 
of the gorgeous sights I had seen, of the rich 
dinners I had eaten, of the luxuries I had en- 
joyed. I felt as if I Avould like to have the 
whole of my past life fall away from me as 
a cast-off garment, and that if I could only 
begin over I could do so much better with my 
life. I could have knelt and beat my hands 
together in a wild, impotent prayer for the 
past to be given into mv keeping for just one 
255 



AS SEEN BY ME 

more trial, one more opportunity to live up 
to the beauty and holiness and purity I had 
missed. When I looked up and saw the 
naked columns of the Parthenon silhouetted 
against the sky, bereft of their capitals, 
ragged, scarred, battered with the war of wind 
and weather and countless ages, all about me 
the ruins seemed to say, ^' Your appreciation 
is in vain; it is too late, too late !" 

I have an indistinct recollection of stum- 
bling into the carriage, of driving down a 
steep road, of having the Pentelikon pointed 
out to me, of knowing that near that moun- 
tain lay Marathon, of seeing the statue of 
^^ Greece crowning Byron," but I heard with 
unhearing ears, I saw with unseeing eyes. I 
had left my heart and all my senses in the 
Acropolis. I believe that one who had left 
her loved one in the churchyard, on the way 
home for the first time to her empty house, 
has felt that dazed, unrealizing yet dumb 
heartache that I felt for days after leaving 
the Parthenon. 

It grew worse the farther I went away 
from it, and for two months I have longed 
for Athens, Marathon, Thermopylag, Salamis. 
I wanted to stand and feast my soul upon the 
glories which were such living memories. 
All through Egypt and up the E'ile my one 
wish was to live long enough and for the 
weeks to ily fast enough for me to get back 
256 



AS SEEN BY ME 

to Athens, ^ow I am liere for the second 
time, and for as long as I wish to remain. 

We came sailing into the harbor jnst at 
sunset. Such a sunset! Such blue in the 
Mediterranean! Such a soft haze on the 
purple hills ! How the gods must have loved 
Athens to place her in the garden spot of all 
the earth ; to pour into her lap such treasures 
of art, and to endow her masters with power 
to create such an art! The approach is so 
beautiful. Our big black Russian ship cut 
her way in utter silence through the bluest of 
blue seas, with scarcely a ripple on the sun- 
lit waters, between amethyst islands studded 
with emerald fields, making straight for that 
which was at one time the bravest, noblest, 
most courageous, most beautiful country on 
earth. 

" The isles of Greece, the isles of Greece ! 

Where burning Sappho loved and sung, 
Where grew the arts of war and peace, 

Where Delos rose and Phoebus sprung! 
Eternal summer gilds them yet, 
But all except their sun is set." 

Byron's statue stands in the square, sur- 
rounded by evergreens; his picture is in the 
Ecole Polytechnique, and his memory and 
his songs are revered throughout all Greece. 
How her beauty tore at his soul! How her 
love for freedom met with an echo in his o^vn 
heart! No wonder he sang, with such a 
E 257 



AS SEEN BY ME 

theme! It was enough to give a stone song 
and the very rocks utterance. 

It was Sunday, and as we drove through 
the clean, white streets, feeling absolutely 
hushed with the beauty which assailed us on 
every side, suddenly we heard the sound of 
music, mournful as a dirge — a martial 
dirge. And presently we saw approaching 
us the saddest, most touching yet awful pro- 
cession I ever beheld. It was a military 
funeral. First came the band; then came 
two men bearing aloft the cover to the cas- 
ket, WTeathed in flowers and streaming with 
crape. Then, borne in an open coffin by four 
young officers of his staff, with bands of 
crape on their arms and knots of crape on 
their swords, was the dead officer, an old, 
gray-haired general, dressed in the full uni- 
form of the Greek army, with his browned, 
wrinkled, deep-lined hands crossed over his 
sword. The casket was shallow, and thus 
he was exposed to the view of the gaping 
multitude, without even a glass lid to cover 
his bronzed face, and with the glaring sun 
beating down upon his closed eyes and noble 
gray head. Just behind him they led his rid- 
erless black horse, with his master's boots re- 
versed in the stirrups and the empty saddle 
knotted with crape. It was at once majestic, 
heartrending, and terrible. It unnerved me, 
and yet it was not surprising to have such a 
258 



AS SEEN BY ME 

moving spectacle greet me on my return to 
Greece. 

We drove over the same road from the 
Piraeus to Athens, but in the two months of 
our absence they had mended a Avorn place in 
this road and had unearthed a most beauti- 
ful sarcophagus, which they placed in the 
national museum. The cement which held 
it on its pedestal was not yet dry when we 
saw it. They do not know its date, nor the 
hand of the sculptor who carved it, yet it 
needs no name to proclaim its beauty. 

I have now seen Athens as I wanted to see 
it. I have seen it consecutively. It was 
beautiful to begin with the Acropolis and to 
take all day to examine just the frieze of the 
Parthenon. We had to have written permis- 
sion, which we received through the Ameri- 
can minister, to allow us to climb up on the 
scaffolding and get a near view of it. But 
we did it, and we were close enough to touch 
it, to lay our hands on it, and we waited 
hours for the sun to sink low enough to creep 
between the giant beams and touch the met- 
opes so that we could photograph them. Of 
course, we could have bought photographs of 
them, but it seemed more like possessing 
them to take them with our own little 
cameras. 

The central metope is the most beautiful 
and in the best state of preservation of all 
259 



AS SEEN BY ME 

this marvel from the hand of Phidias; yet 
the work of destruction goes on, as only last 
year the head of the rider fell and broke 
into a thousand pieces, so that only the horse, 
the figure, and the electric splendor of his 
wind-blown garments floating out behind him 
remain. There is so little of this frieze left 
that it requires the full scope of the imagina- 
tion, as one stands and looks at it, to picture 
this triumphal procession of Pan-Athenians 
which every four years formed at the Acrop- 
olis and wound majestically down through 
the Sacred Way to the Temple of Mysteries 
to sacrifice to the goddess in honor of Mara- 
thon and Salamis. 

But we followed this road ourselves. We, 
too, took the Sacred Way. On the loveliest 
day imaginable we drove along this smooth 
white road ; we saw the Bay of Salamis ; we 
wound around the sweetheart curve of her 
shore; the purple hills forming the cup 
which holds her translucent waters are the 
background to this famous battle-ground; 
and beyond, set on the brow of one of these 
hills like a diadem, is all that remains of the 
Temple of Mysteries. Broken columns are 
there, pedestals, fragments of proud arches, 
now shattered and trodden under foot. Its 
majesty is that of a sleeping goddess, so still, 
so tranquil, proud even, in its ruins; yet in 
such utter silence it lies. In the cracks of 
260 



AS SEEN BY ME 

the marble floors, in the crannies of the 
walls, springing from beneath the broken' 
statue, voiceless yet persistent, grow scarlet 
poppies — the sleep flowers of the world, 
yielding to this yellowing Temple of Mys- 
teries the quieting influence of their pres- 
ence. 

The next day, almost in the spirit of wor- 
ship, we went to Marathon. If Salamis was 
my Holy Grail, then Marathon was my 
Mecca. We started out quite early in the 
morning, with relays of horses to meet us on 
the way. It tried to rain once or twice, but 
it seemed not to have the heart to spoil my 
crusade, for presently the sun struggled 
through the ragged clouds and shed a hazy 
half light through their edges, which com- 
pletely destroyed the terrible, blinding glare 
and made the day simply perfect. 

The road to Marathon led through or- 
chards of cherry-trees white with blossoms, 
through green vineyards, past groves of olive- 
trees which look old enough to have seen the 
Persian hosts, through groups of cypress- 
trees, siich noble sentinels of deathless ever- 
green ; through fields of wild-cabbage blooms, 
making the air as sweet as the alfalfa-fields 
of the West; across the Valanaris by a lit- 
tle bridge, and suddenly an isolated farm- 
house with a wine-press, and then — Mara- 
thon ! 

261 



AS SEEN BY ME 



The mountains look on Marathon, 

And Marathon looks on the sea, 
And musing there an hour alone, 

I dreamed that Greece might still be free: 
For standing by the Persian's grave, 
I could not deem myself a slave!" 



Marathon is only a vast plain, but what a 
plain ! It has only a small mound in the 
centre to break its smoothness, but what 
courage, what patriotism, what nobility that 
mound covers ! It was there, many authori- 
ties say, that all the Athenians were buried 
who fell at Marathon, although Byron claims 
that it covers the Persian dead. 

How Greece has always loved freedom! 
In the Ecole Polytechnique are three Turk- 
ish battle-Hags and some shells and cannon- 
balls from a war so recent that the flags have 
scarcely had time to dry or the shells to cool. 
What a pity, what an unspeakable pity, that 
all the glory of Greece lies in the past, and 
that the time of her power has gone forever ! 
^Nothing but her brave, undaunted spirit re- 
mains, and never can she live again the 
glories of her Salamis, her Marathon, her 
Thermopylse. 

We have seen Athens in all her guises, the 
Acropolis in all her moods, at sunrise, in a 
thunder-storm, in the glare of mid-day, at 
sunset, and yet we saved the best for the 
climax. On the last night we were in Ath- 
262 



AS SEEX BY ME 

ens we saw the Acropolis by moonlight. We 
nearly upset the whole Greek government to 
accomplish this, for the King has issued an 
edict that only one night in the month may 
visitors be admitted, and that is the night of 
the full moon. But I had returned to Ath- 
ens with this one idea in my mind, and if I 
had been obliged to go to the King myself I 
would have done so, and I know that I would 
have come away victorious. lie never could 
have had the heart to refuse me. 

It is impossible. I utterly abandon the 
idea of making even my nearest and dearest 
see what I saw and hear what I heard and 
think what I tliought on that matchless night. 
There was just a breath of wind. The moun- 
tains and hills rose all around us, Lykabet- 
tos, Kolonos — the home of Sophocles — Hy- 
mettos, and Pentelikon with its marble quar- 
ries, made an undulating line of gra}^ 
against the horizon, while away at the left 
was the Hill of Mars. Hoav still it was! 
How wonderful ! The rows of lights from 
the city converged towards the foot of the 
Acropolis like the topaz rays in a queen's 
diadem. The blue waters of the harbor glit- 
tered in the pale light. A chime of bells 
rang out the hour, coming faintly up to 
us like an echo. And above us, bathed, 
shrouded, swimming in silver light, was 
the Parthenon. The only flowers that grow 
263 



AS SEEN BY ME 

at the foot of the Parthenon are the mar- 
guerites, the white-petalecl, golden-hearted 
daisies, and even in the moonlight these star- 
ry flowers bend their tender gaze upon their 
god. 

I leaned against one of the caryatides of 
the Erechtheion and looked beyond the Par- 
thenon to the Hill of Mars, where Paul 
preached to the Athenians, and I believe 
that he mnst have seen the Acropolis by 
moonlight when he wrote, " Wherefore, when 
we could no longer forbear, we thought it 
good to be left in Athens alone !" 

What a week we have had in Athens ! If I 
were obliged to go home to-morrow, if 
Greece ended Europe for me, I could go 
home satisfied, filled too full of bliss to com- 
plain or even to tell what I felt. I have lived 
out the fullest enjoyment of my soul; I have 
reached the limit of my heart's desire. Ath- 
ens is the goddess of my idolatry. I have 
turned pagan and worshipped. 

In all my travels I have divided individ- 
ual trips into two classes — those which 
would make ideal wedding journeys and 
those which would not. But the greatest 
difficulty I have encountered is how to get 
my happy wedded pair over here in order 
to he gin. I have not the heart to ask them 
to risk their happiness by crossing the ocean, 
for the Atlantic, even by the best of ships, 
264 



AS SEEN BY ME 

is ground for divorce (if you go deep 
enough) in itself. I have not yet tried the 
Pacific, but I am told that, like most people 
who are named Theodosia and Constance 
and Winifred, the Pacific does not live up 
to its name. However, if I could transport 
my people, chloroformed and by rapid tran- 
sit, to Greece, I would beg of them to journey 
from Athens to Patras by rail; and if that 
exquisite experience did not smooth away all 
trifling difficulties and make each wish to be 
the one to apologize first, then I would mark 
them as doomed from the beginning, by their 
own insensate and unappreciative natures, 
as destined to finish their honeymoon by 
separate maintenance and alimony. 

How I hate descriptions of scenery! How 
murderous I feel when the conventional 
novelist interrupts the most impassioned 
love-scene to tell how the moonlight filtered 
through the ragged clouds, or how the wind 
sighed through the naked branches of the 
trees, just as if anybody cared what nature 
was doing when human nature held the 
stage ! And yet so marvellous is the fas- 
cination of Greece, so captivating the scenes 
which meet the eye from the uninviting win- 
dow of a plain little foreign railroad train, 
that I cannot forbear to risk similar maledic- 
tions by saying that it is too heavenly for 
common v/ords to express. 
265 



xiS SEEN BY ME 

jSTow, I abominate railroads and I loathe 
sliips. The only things I reallv enjoy are a 
rocking-chair and a book. But mnch as I 
detest the smell of car-smoke, and to find my 
face spotted with soot, and ill as it makes me 
to ride backward, I would willingly travel 
every month of the year over the road from 
Athens to Patras. The mountains are not 
so high as to startle, the gulf not so vast as 
to shock. But with gentleness you are 
dra'wn more and more into the net of its fas- 
cination until the tears well to your eyes and 
there is a positive physical ache in your 
heart. 

Greece is considerate. I have seen land- 
scapes so continuously and overpoweringly 
beautiful that they bored me. I know how 
to sympatize with Alfred Yargrave when he 
says to the Due de Luvois : 

" Nature is liere too pretentious ; lier mien 
Is too haughty. One likes to be coaxed, not com- 
pelled, 
To the notice such beauty resents if withheld. 
She seems to be saying too plainly, 'Admire me;* 
And I answer, * Yes, madam, 1 do ; but you tire 
me.' " 

l^ot SO with Greece, for when you become 
almost intoxicated with her wonderful blues 
and greens and purples, and you move your 
head restlessly and beg a breathing-space, 
she compassionately recognizes your mood 
266 



AS SEEN BY ME 

and lowers a silver veil over her brilliant 
beauty, so that you see her through a gauzy 
mist, which presently tantalizes you into 
blinking your tired eyes and wondering what 
she is so deftly concealing. It is like the 
feeling which assails you when you see a 
veiled statue. You long for the sculptor to 
chisel away the marble gauze and reveal the 
features. And when the craving becomes 
intolerable, lo! Greece, the past mistress of 
the art of beauty, grants your desire, and 
with the regal gift of a goddess brings your 
soul into its fruition. Cleopatra would 
have tantalized and left your heart to eat 
itself out in hopeless longing. But Cleo- 
patra was only a queen; Venus was a god- 
dess. 

I^ames which were but names to you be- 
fore become living realities now. We are 
crossing the Attic plain, and from that we 
find ourselves in the Thracian plain. What 
^irl has not heard her brother spout concern- 
ing these names, famous in Greek history? 
Then we are in Megara, on the lovely blue 
Bay of SalamJs. From Megara the Bay of 
Salamis becomes Saronic Gulf, and after 
an hour or two of its unspeakable beauty 
we cross over to Corinth and find, if possible, 
that the blues of the Gulf of Corinth are 
even more sapphire, that its purples are 
even more amethyst, that its greens are more 
267 



AS SEEN BY ME 

emerald than the blues and purples and 
greens of Salamis. 

From Corinth the road skirts the sea, and 
all these white plains are devoted to the dry- 
ing of currants. At Sikyon, called " cu- 
cumber town/' but originally, with the mys- 
tic beauty of the ancient Greeks, called 
" poppy town,'' the American school at 
Athens has made some wonderful excava- 
tions. It has discovered the supports of 
the stage of the famous theatre there. Then, 
still with the sea before us, we are at Aegi- 
um, a name full of memories of ancient 
Greece. It has olive, currant, grape, and 
mulberry plantations, and lies shrouded an<l 
bedded in beauty and romance. There, over 
a high iron bridge, we cross a rushing moun- 
tain torrent and are at Patras, in the moon- 
light, with our big ship waiting to take us 
across the Adriatic Sea to Brindisi. 

It was with real pain that we left Greece. 
I would like to go back to-morrow. But 
there were reasons for i^eaching Italy with- 
out further delay, and we hurried through 
Corfu with only a day there to see its loveli- 
ness, instead of a week, as we would have 
liked. The Empress of Austria's villa lies 
tucked up on a hill-side, in a mass of orange, 
lemon, cypress, and magnolia trees. Such 
an enchanting picture as it presents, and such 
wonderful beaut v as it encloses. But all 
268 



AS SEEN BY ME 

that is modern. What fascinates me in Cor- 
fu is that opposite the entrance to the ohl 
I-Iyllican harbor lies the isle of Pontikonisi 
(Mouse Island), with a small chapel and 
clergy-house. Tradition says that it is the 
Ph^acian ship which brought Ulysses to 
Ithaka, and which was afterwards turned into 
stone by the angry Poseidon (Neptune). 
The brook Kressida at the point where it en- 
ters the lake is also pointed out as the spot 
where Ulysses was cast ashore and met the 
Princess Nausicaa. A seasick sort of name, 
that ! 

I feel an inexplicable delight in letting 
my imagination run riot in the Greek tra- 
ditions of their gods and goddesses. Their 
heroes are more real to me than Caesar and 
Xerxes and Alexander. And Hermes and 
Venus and the dwellers of Olympus have 
been such intimate friends since my child- 
hood that the scenes of their exploits are of 
much more moment to me than Waterloo and 
Austerlitz. I cannot forbear laughing at 
myself, however, for my holy rage over 
Greek mythology, as founded upon no bet- 
ter ground than that upon which Mark 
Twain apologized for his admiration for 
Penimore Cooper's Indians, for he admitted 
that they were a defunct race of beings 
which never had existed ! 

We arrived at Brindisi at four o'clock in 
269 



AS SEEN BY ME 

the morning. Brindisi at four o'clock in 
the morning is not pleasant, nor would any 
other city be on the face of this green foot- 
stool. We were in quarantine, and we had 
to cope with a cross stewardess, who declared 
that we demanded too much service, and that 
she would not bring us our coffee in bed, and 
who then went and did it like an angel, so 
that we patted her on the back and told her 
in French that she was ^^ well amiable," al- 
though at that hour in the morning we would 
have preferred to throttle her for her imper- 
tinence, and then to throw her in the Adri- 
atic Sea as a neat little finish. Such, how- 
ever, is our diplomatic course of travel. 

We walked in line under the doctor's eye, 
and he pronounced us sanitary and permitted 
us to land. We were four hours late, but 
we scalded ourselves with a second cup of 
coffee and tried for the six-o'clock train for 
N'aples, missed it, sent a telegram to Cook 
to send our letters to the train to meet us, 
and then went back to the ship to endure with 
patience and commendable fortitude the jeers 
of our felloAv-passengers. Virtue was its 
own reward, however, for soon, under the 
rays of the rising sun, which we did not get 
up to see, and did not want to see, there 
steamed into the harbor alongside of us 
the P. & O. ship Sutly, six hours ahead of 
time (did you ever hear of such a thing?), 
270 



AS SEEN BY ME 

bearing our belated friends, the Jimmies, 
from Alexandria. They had been booked 
for the China, Avhich was wrecked, so the 
Sidly took her passengers. The Jimmies 
had bought their passage for Venice, but 
we teased them to throw it up and come with 
us, and such is our fascination that they 
yielded. The love which reaches the purse 
is love indeed. So in a fever of joy we all 
caught the nine-o'clock train for Naples. 

They have a sweet little way on Italian 
railroads of making no provision for you to 
eat. We did not know this, and our knowl- 
edge of Italian was limited to Quanta tem- 
po f (How much time?) and Quanta costaf 
(How much is it?) So we punctuated the 
lovely journey among the Italian hills, and 
between their admirable waterways, by hop- 
ping off the train for coffee every time they 
said " Cinque minuti." It was like a pic- 
nic train. Half the passengers were from 
the P. & O., and knew the Jimmies, and 
the other half were from our Austrian Lloyd, 
and knew us, so it was perfectly delicious 
to see every compartment door fly open and 
everybody's friend appear with tea-kettles 
for hot water in one hand and tea-caddies 
in the other, and to see people who hated 
boiled eggs buying them, because they were 
about all that looked clean; and to see staid 
Englishmen in knickerbockers and monocles 
271 



AS SEEN BY ME 

with loops of Italian bread over each tweed 
arm, and in both hands flasks of cheap red 
Italian wine — oh, so good! and only cost- 
ing fifty centimes, bnt pnt np in those 
lovely straw-woven decanters which cost ns 
a real pang to fling out of the window after 
they were emptied. And it was anything 
but conventional to hear one friend shout 
to another, ^^ Don't pay a lira for those man- 
darins; I got twice that many from this pi- 
rate 1" And then the five minutes would be 
up, and the guard would come along and call 
'^ Pronto," which is much prettier than '^ All 
aboard," but which means about the same 
thing; and then two ear-splitting whistles 
and a jangling of bells, and the doors would 
slam, and we were off again. 

It was moonlight when we skirted the Bay 
of Naples — the same moonlight which light- 
ed the Acropolis for us at Athens-, which shed 
its silver loveliness upon the Adriatic Sea, 
where we had no one whose soul shared its 
beauty with us, and which we found again 
glittering upon the Bay of Naples. We stood 
at the car-window and watched it for an hour, 
for all that time our train was winding its 
way around the shore into Naples. 

That curve of the shore, that sheet of rip- 
pling sapphire, the glint of the moon on the 
water, the train trailing its slow length 
around the bay, are associated in my mind 
272 



AS SEEN BY ME 

with one of those emotional upheavals which 
travellers must often experience in passing 
from one phase of civilization to another. 
It marks one of the mile-stones in my inner 
life. I was leaving the East, the pagan East, 
with its mysterious influence, and I was get- 
ting back to Cooks' tourists and Italy. My 
mind was in a whirl. Which was best'^ 
Why should I so love one, and why did the 
other bore me? I was afraid to follow the 
yearnings of my OAvn soul, and yet I knew 
that only there lay happiness. To make up 
one's mind to be true to one's love — even if it 
be only the love of beauty — requires courage. 
And the trial of my bravery came to me on 
that curve of the Bay of N'aples. I dared. I 
am daring now. I am still true to the Orient. 
As I look back I remember that the phrase, 
" See Naples and die," gave me the hazy idea 
that it must be very beautiful, but just* how 
I did not know, and did not particularly care. 
I knew the bay would be lovely ; I only hoped 
it would be as lovely as I expected. Cele- 
brated beauties are so apt to be disappoint- 
ing. I imagined that all Neapolitan boys 
wore their shirt-collars open and that a wavy 
lock of coal-black hair was continually blow- 
ing across their brown foreheads. That 
eternal porcelain miniature has maddened 
me with its omnipresence ever since I was a 
child. But aside from these half - thoughts 
s 273 



AS SEEN BY ME 

and dim expectations I had no hopes at all. 
I was prepared to be gently and tranquilly 
pleased; not wildly excited, bnt satisfied; 
not happy, bnt contented with its beanty. 
But I have found more. The bay is more 
lovely than I anticipated, and I have discov- 
ered that Italian hair is not coal-black ; it be- 
gins to be black at the roots, and evidently had 
every intention of being black when it start- 
ed out, but it grew weary of so much energy, 
and ended in sundry shades of russet 
brown and sunburned tans. It generally 
has these two colors, black and tan, like the 
silky coat of a fine terrier, and it waves in 
lovely little tendrils, and is much prettier 
than hair either all black or all brown. 

But I am ahead of my narrative. I am 
trying to decide whether ^N'aples is more 
beautifully situated than Constantinople. 
Constantinople, being Oriental, fascinates me 
more. Western Europe begins to seem a lit- 
tle tame and conventional to me, because the 
pagan in my nature is so highly developed. I 
detest civilization except for my own selfish 
bodily comfort. When I eat and sleep I 
want the creature comforts. Otherwise I 
love those thieving Arab servants in Cairo 
(who would steal the very shoes off your feet 
if you dropped off for your forty winks) be- 
cause of their uncivilization and unconven- 
tionality. Civilization has not yet spoiled 
274 



AS SEEN BY ME 

them. I bought rugs in Cairo, and often 
when I went unexpectedly into my room I 
found my Arab man - servant on his knees 
studying their patterns and feeling their 
silkiness. I had everything locked up, or 
perhaps he would have made worse use of his 
time; but somehow the childishness of the 
East appeals to me. 

Constantinople is so delightfully dirty and 
old. Mrs. Jimmie sniffs at me because I can 
stop the peasants who lead their cows through 
the streets of Naples, and because I can drink 
a glass of warm milk ; Mrs. Jimmie wants 
hers strained. But if I can eat '^ Turkish 
Delight '' in Constantinople, buying it in the 
bazaars, seeing it cut off the huge sticky mass 
witli rusty lamp-scissors, perhaps dropped on 
the dirt-floor, and in a moment of abstraction 
polished off on the Turk's trousers and rolled 
in soft sugar to wrap the real in the ideal — 
if I can cope with that problem, surely a trifle 
like drinking unstrained milk, with the con- 
soling satisfaction of stopping the carriage in 
an adorable spot, with the blue waters of the 
bay curling up on its shore down below on 
the right, and a sheer cliff covered with moss 
and clinging vines and surmounted by a su- 
perb villa on the left, is nothing. For to eat 
or to drink amid such romantic surroundings, 
even if it were unstrained milk, was an expe- 
rience not to be despised. 
275 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Yet here are two cities situated like amplii- 
theatres upon the convex curve of two ideally 
beautiful harbors. How do you compare 
them ? Each according to your own temper 
and humor. You have seen hundreds of col- 
ored photographs both of ^N'aples and Con- 
stantinople. But of the two you will find 
only Naples exactly like the pictures. Ev- 
erybody agrees about Naples. People dis- 
agree delightfully about Constantinople. 
Some can never get beyond the dirt and 
smells and thievery. Some never get used 
to the delicious thrills of surprise which ev- 
ery turn and every corner and every vista 
and every night and every morning hold for 
the beauty-lover. Nothing could be more 
heterodox, more bizarre, more unconven- 
tional than Constantinople scenes. Noth- 
ing could be more orthodox than the views 
of Naples. To be sure, poets have written 
reams of poetry about it, travellers have sent 
home pages of rhapsodies about it, tourists 
have conscientiously " done " the town, with 
their heads cocked on one side and their fore- 
fingers on a paragraph in Baedeker ; but just 
because of this, because everybody on earth 
who ever has been to Naples — man or wom- 
an, Jew or Gentile, black or white, bond 
or free- — has wept and gurgled and had hys- 
teria over its mild and placid beauty, is one 
reason why I find it somewhat tame. Italian 
276 



AS SEEN BY ME 

scenery seems to me laid out by a landscape- 
gardener. Its beauty is absolutely conven- 
tional. Kobody will blame you if you ad- 
mire it. To rave over it is like going to 
church — it is the proper thing to do. People 
will raise their eyebrows if you don't, and 
watch what you eat, and speculate on your 
ancestry, and wonder about your politics. 

The beauty of Italy is so proper and 
Church of England that you are looked upon 
as a dissenter if you do not rhapsodize about 
it. But it disappoints me to feel obliged to 
follow the multitude like a flock of sheep and 
to take the dust of those feeble-minded tour- 
ists wdio have preceded me and set the pace. 
There is nothing in the scenery of all Italy 
to shock your love of beauty from the staid 
to the original. There is nothing to give 
your sensitive soul little shivers of surprise. 
There is nothing to make you hesitate for fear 
you ought not to admire; you hiotu you 
ought. You feel obliged to do so because ev- 
erybody has done it before you, and you will 
be thought queer if you don't. There is a 
gentle, pretty - pretty haze of romance over 
Italian scenery which is like reading fairy- 
tales after having devoured Carlyle. It is 
like hearing Yerdi after Wagner. The East 
has my real love. I find that I cannot rave 
over a pink and white china shepherdess 
when I have worshipped the Yenus of Milo. 
277 



XIII 

NAPLES 

The point of view is always the pivot of 
recollection. How ought one to remember 
a place ? There are a dozen ways of enjoy- 
ing ISTaples, and twenty ways of being miser- 
able in America. Or turn it the other way, 
it makes no difference. It depends upon 
one's self and the state of the spleen. Be- 
fore I came to Europe I remember often to 
have been disgusted with persons who re- 
called Germany by its beer and Spain by its 
fleas, or those who said : "' Cologne ! Oh yes ; 
I remember we got such a good breakfast 
there.^' 

Ah, ha ! It is so easy to sniff when one is 
mooning in imagination over cathedrals, but 
I have since taken back all those sniffs. I 
did not realize then the misery of standing 
on one foot all the morning in tombs, and 
on the other all the afternoon in museums, 
and then of going home to sleep on an iron- 
ing-board. Now I, too, think gratefully of 
the Bay of E'aples as being near that good 
278 



AS SEEN BY ME 

bed, and of the Pyramids as being near the 
excellent table of Shepheard's. Why not? 
Can one rave over Vesnvius on an empty 
stomach, or get all the beauty out of Sor- 
rento with a backache ? One must be well 
and have good spirits when one travels. It is 
not so essential merely to be comfortable, al- 
though that helps wonderfully. But even to 
get soaking wet could not utterly spoil the 
road to Posilipo. What a heavenly drive! 
Although I think with more fondness of scal- 
ing the heights of Capri in a trembling little 
Italian cab, not because both views were not 
divinely beautiful, but because when in 
Capri my clothes were not damply sticking 
to me, and I had no puddle of water in each 
shoe. As I look back I believe I could write 
specific directions from personal experience 
on " How to be Happy when Miserable.'' 
Jimmie always bewails the fact that the 
American girl lives on her nerves. " Goes 
on her uppers " is his choice phrase. E'ever- 
theless, it pulled us through many a mental 
bog while travelling so continuously. 

Therefore, from a dozen different recol- 
lections of N'aples, eleven of which you may 
read in your red-covered Baedeker, or Recol- 
lections of Italy, or Leaves from my Note- 
Booh, or Memories of Blissful Hours, and 
similar productions, I have most poignantly 
to remember our shopping experiences in 
279 



AS SEEN BY ME 

^Naples. But before laiincliing my battle- 
ship I owe an apology to the worshippers of 
Italy. I can appreciate their rapturous 
memories. I share in a measure their en- 
thusiasm. To a certain temper Italy would 
be adorable for a honeymoon or to return 
to a second or a fifth time. But it is not in 
human nature, after having come from Rus- 
sia, Egypt, and Greece, to have one's pristine 
enthusiasm to pour out in torrents over the 
ladylike beauty of Italy, because these other 
countries are so much more unfrequented, 
more pagan, and more fascinating. But in 
daring to say that, I again pull my forelock 
to Italy's worshippers. 

To begin with, we were robbed all through 
Italy; not robbed, in a common way, but, to 
the honor of the Italians let me say, robbed 
in a highly interesting and somewhat ex- 
citing manner. 

Somebody has said, ^^ What a beautiful 
country Italy would be if it were not for the 
Italians T' We are used to having our things 
stolen, and to being overcharged for every- 
thing just because we are Americans, but we 
are not used to the utter brigandage of Italy. 
On the Russian ship coming from Odessa to 
Constantinople some of the second-cabin pas- 
sengers got into our state-rooms during din- 
ner and went through our hand-baggage, 
which we had left unlocked, and stole my 
280 



AS SEEN BY ME 

ulster. And, of course, in Constantinople 
they warned ns not to trust the Greeks, for 
it is their form of comparison to say, " He 
lies like a Greek,'' while in Greece the worst 
thing they can say is that " He steals like a 
Turk." In Cairo it Avas not necessary to 
warn us, for everybody knows what liars and 
thieves Arabs are. Not a day went by on 
those donkey excursions on the Xile that the 
men did not have their pockets picked. The 
passengers on the Mayflower lost enough silk 
handkerchiefs to start a haberdasher's shop, 
and every woman lost money. In Cairo, 
whether you go to the bazaars or to a mosque 
to see the faithful at their prayers, your 
dragoman tells you not to have anything of 
value in your pockets, and not to carry your 
purse in your hand. 

But w^e had not even got through the cus- 
tom-house at Brindisi, when Gaze's man 
recommended us to have our trunks corded 
and sealed, for they are sometimes broken 
open on the train. We thought this rather 
a useless precaution, but Jimmie has travel- 
led so much that he made us do it. It seems 
that the King has admitted that he is power- 
less to stop these outrages, and so he begs 
foreign travellers to protect themselves, inas- 
much as he is unable to protect them. 

We stayed at the smartest hotel in Naples, 
but Ave had not been there two days before 
281. 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Jimmie's valises were broken opeiij and all 
his studs and forty pounds in money were 
stolen. That frightened us almost to death, 
but something worse happened. One day at 
three o'clock in the afternoon my companion 
was sitting in her room writing a letter, and 
she happened to look up just in time to see 
the handle of the door turn slowly and softly. 

Then the door opened a crack, still with- 
out a sound, and a man with a black beard 
put in his head. As he met her eyes fixed 
squarely upon him he closed the door as 
silently as a shadow. She hurried after him 
and looked out, and ran up the corridor peer- 
ing into every possible corner, but no man 
could she see. He had disappeared as com- 
pletely as if he had been a ghost. She re- 
ported it to the proprietor, but he shrugged 
his shoulders, and said, ^' Madam must have 
imagined it !" 

By this time we were all feeling rather 
creepy. However, as Jimmie says when we 
are all tired out and hungry and cross, 
" Cheer up. The worst is yet to come.'' 

One day my companion and Mrs. Jimmie 
and I went to one of the best shops in all 
Italy, to buy a ring. Mrs. Jimmie was get- 
ting it for her husband's birthday. 

ISTow, Mrs. Jimmie' s own rings are ex- 
tremely beautiful, and her very handsomest 
consists of a band of blue-white matched dia- 
282 



AS SEEN BY ME 

monds which exactly fills the space between 
her two fingers, and is so heavy and so fine 
that only Tiffany could duplicate it. The 
band of the ring is merely a fine wire. To 
try on Jimmie's ring, Mrs. Jimmie took off 
all hers and laid them on the counter. E^ow, 
mind you, this was a famous jeweller's where 
this happened. But when she had decided 
to take the new ring, and turned to put on 
her own again, lo ! this especial ring was gone. 
We searched everywhere. We told the clerk, 
but he said she had not worn such a ring. 
This was the first thing which made us sus- 
pect that something was wrong. We insisted, 
and he .reiterated. Finally, I made up my 
mind. I said to my companion : " You stand 
at the front door and have Mrs. Jimmie 
stand at the side door. Don't you permit 
any one either to enter or leave, while I rush 
around to Cook's office and find out what can 
be done." Both women turned pale, but 
obeyed me. One clerk started for the back 
door, but we called him and told him that 
no one was to move until we could get the 
police there. Then such a scurrying and such 
a begging as there was! Would madam 
wait just one moment ? Would madam per- 
mit them to call the proprietor ? (Anybody 
would have thought it was my ring, for Mrs. 
Jimmie's calm was not even ruffled, while I 
was in a white heat, and all their impassion- 
283 



ASSEENBYME 

ed appeals were addressed to me!) I said 
they could call the proprietor if they conld 
call him without leaving the room. They 
called him in Italian. He came, a little, 
smooth, brown man, with black, shoe-button 
eyes. We explained to him just what had 
taken place, Mrs. Jimmie with her back 
against one door, and my companion braced 
against the side door, like Ajax defying the 
lightning. 

He rubbed his hands, and listened to a 
torrent of excited Italian from no fewer than 
ten crazy clerks. Then I stated the case in 
English. The proprietor turned * to Mrs. 
Jimmie, and said if madam was so sure that 
she had worn a ring, which all his clerks as- 
sured him she had not worn, then, for the 
honor of his house, he must beg madam to 
choose another ring, of whatever value she 
liked, and it should be a present from him ! 

I^ow, Mrs. Jimmie is a very Madonna of 
calmness, but at that she ignited. She told 
him that Tiffany had been six months match- 
ing those stones, and that not in all his shop 
— not in the whole of Italy — could he find 
a duplicate. At that another search took 
place, and I, just to make things pleasant, 
started for the American ambassador's. (I 
had risen a peg from Cook's!) Such plead- 
ing ! Such begging ! Two of the clerks act- 
ually wept — Italian tears. When lo ! a shout 
284 



AS SEEN BY ME 

of triumph, and from a remote corner of the 
shop, quite forty feet from us, in a place 
where we had not been, under a big vase, they 
found that ring ! If it had had the wings of 
a swallow it could not have flown there. If 
it had had the legs of a centipede it could 
not have crawled there. The proprietor was 
radiant in his unctuous satisfaction. ^' It 
had rolled there !" Kolled ! That ring! It 
had no more chance of rolling than a loaded 
die ! We all sniffed, and sniffed publicly. 
Mrs. Jimmie, I regret to say, was weak 
enough to buy the ring she had ordered for 
Jimmie in spite of this occurrence. But I 
think I don't blame her. I am weak myself 
about buying things. But that is a sample 
of Italian honesty, and in a shop which would 
rank with our very best in New York or Chi- 
cago. Heaven help Italy ! 

Italian politeness is very cheap, very thin- 
skinned, and, like the French, only for the 
surface. They pretend to trust you with 
their whole shop; they shower you with po- 
lite attentions; you are the Great and Only 
while you are buying. But I am of the opin- 
ion that you are shadowed by a whole army 
of spies if you owe a cent, and that for lack 
of plenty of suspicion and prompt action to 
recover I am sure that neither the Italians 
nor the French ever lost a sou. 

We went into the best tortoise-shell shop 
285 



AS SEEN BY HE 

in all Naples to buy one dozen sliell liair-pins, 
but such was the misery we experienced at 
leaving any of the treasures we encountered 
that we bought three hundred dollars' worth 
before we left, and of course did not have 
enough money to pay for them. So we said 
to lay the things aside for us, and we would 
draw some money at our banker's, and pay 
for them when we came to fetch them. 

Not for the world, declared this Judas Is- 
cariot, this Benedict Arnold of an Italian 
Jew ! We must take the things with us. Were 
we not Americans, and by Americans did he 
not live ? Behold, he would take the articles 
with his own hands to our carriage. And he 
did, despite our protests. But the villain 
drew on us through our banker before we 
were out of bed the next morning! I felt 
like a horse-thief. 

However, I confess to a weakness for the 
overwhelmingly polite attentions one receives 
from Italian and French shopkeepers. One 
gets none of it in Germany, and in America 
I am always under the deepest obligations 
if the haughty '" sales-ladies" and " sales-gen- 
tlemen" will wait on the men and women 
who wish to buy. I am accustomed to the 
ignominy of being ignored, and to the in- 
sult of impudence if I protest ; but why, oh, 
why, do politeness and honesty so seldom go 
together ? 

286 



AS SEEN BY ME 

There is a decency about Puritan Ameri- 
ca which appeals to me quite as much as the 
rugged honesty of American shopkeepers. 
The unspeakable street scenes of Europe 
would be impossible in America. In ^N^aples 
all the mysteries of the toilet are in certain 
quarters of the city public property, and the 
dressing-room of children in particular is 
bounded by north, east, south, and west, and 
roofed by the sky. 

I have seen Italians comb their beards over 
their soup at dinner. I have seen every 
Frenchman his own manicure at the opera. 
I have seen Germans take out their false 
teeth at the table d'hote and rinse them 
in a glass of w^ater, but it remains for ISTa- 
ples to cap the climax for Sunday-afternoon 
diversions. 

A curious thing about European decency is 
that it seems to be forced on people by law, 
and indulged in only for show. The Gallic 
nations are only veneered with decency. 
They have, almost to a man, none of it nat- 
urally, or for its own sake. Take, for ex- 
ample, the sidewalks of Paris after dark. 
The moment public surveillance wanes or 
the sun goes down the Frenchman becomes 
his own natural self. 

The Neapolitan's acceptation of dirt as 
a portion of his inheritance is irresistibly 
comic to a pagan outsider. To drive down 
287 



AS SEEN BY ME 

the Via di Porto is to see a mimic world. 
All the shops empty themselves into the 
street. They leave only room for your cab 
to drive through the maze of stalls, booths, 
chairs, beds, and benches. At nightfall they 
light flaring torches, which, viewed from the 
top of the street, make the descent look like 
a witch scene from an opera. 

It is the street of the very poor, but one 
is struck by the excellent diet of these same 
very poor. They eat as a staple roasted arti- 
chokes — a great delicacy with us. They 
cook macaroni with tomatoes in huge iron 
kettles over charcoal fires, and sell it by the 
plateful to their customers, often hauling it 
out of the kettles with their hands, like a 
sailor's hornpipe, pinching off the macaroni 
if it lengthens too much, and blowing on their 
fingers to cool them. They have roasted 
chestnuts, fried fish, boiled eggs, and long 
loops of crisp Italian bread strung on a 
stake. There are scores of these booths in 
this street, the selling conducted generally 
by the father and grown sons, while the wife 
sits by knitting in the smoke and glare of 
the torches, screaming in peasant Italian to 
her neighbor across the way, commenting 
quite openly upon the people in the cabs, and 
wondering how much their hats cost. The 
bambinos are often hung upon pegs in the 
front of the house, where they look out of 
288 



AS SEEN BY ME 

their little black, beady eyes like pappooses. 
I unhooked one of these babies once, and held 
it awhile. Its back and little feet were held 
tightly against a strip of board so that it 
was quite stiff from its feet to its shoulders. 
It did not seem to object or to be at all un- 
comfortable, and as it only hoAvled while I 
was holding it I have an idea that, except 
when invaded by foreigners, the bambino's 
existence is quite happy. Babies seem to be 
no trouble in Italy, and one cannot but be 
struck by the number of them. One can 
hardly remember seeing many French babies, 
for the reason that there are so few to remem- 
ber — so few, indeed, that the French govern- 
ment has put a premium upon them; but in 
Naples the pretty mothers with their pretty 
babies, playing at bo-peep with each other 
like charming children, are some of the most 
delightful scenes in this fascinating Street of 
the Door. 

These bambinos hooked against the wall 
look down upon curious scenes. Their moth- 
ers bring their wash-tubs into the street, 
wash the clothes in plain view of everybody, 
hang them on clothes-lines strung between 
two chairs, while a diminutive charcoal-stove, 
with half a dozen irons leaning against its 
sides, stands in the doorway ready to perform 
its part in the little scene. I saw a boy cook- 
ing two tinv smelts over a tailor's goose. The 
T ^ 289 



AS SEEN BY ME 

handle was taken off, and the fish were fry- 
ing so merrily over the glowing coals, and 
they looked so good, and the odor which 
steamed from them Avas so ravishing, that I 
wanted to ask him if I might not join him 
and help him cook two more. 

In point of fact, iTaples seems like a holi- 
day town, with everybody merely playing at 
work, or resting from even that pretence. 
The ^Neapolitans are so essentially an out-of- 
door people and a leisurely people that it 
seems a crime to hurry. The very goats wan- 
dering aimlessly through the streets, nibbling 
around open doorways, add an element of 
imbecile helplessness to a childish people. 

Did you ever examine a goat's expression 
of face ? For utter asininity a donkey can- 
not approach him. ^Nothing can, except, per- 
haps, an Irish farce-comedian. 

Beautiful cows are driven through the 
streets, often attended by the owner's family. 
The mother milks for the passing customers, 
the father fetches it all lovely and foam- 
ing and warm to your cab, and the pretty, 
big-eyed children caper around you, beg- 
ging for a " macaroni " instead of a " pour- 
boire." 

Then, instead of dining at your smart hotel, 

it is so much more adorable to drop in at 

some charming restaurant with tables set in 

the open air, and to hear the band play, and 

290 



AS SEEN BY ME 

to eat all sorts of delicious unknowable 
dishes, and to drink a beautiful golden wine 
called '' Laclirima Christi " (the tears of 
Christ), and to watch the people — the people 
— the people ! 



XIV 

ROME 

On" Easter Sunday I had my first view of 
Rome, my first view of St. Peter's. The day 
was as soft and mild as one of our own spring 
days, and there was even that little sharp 
tang in the air which one feels in the early 
spring in America. The wind was sweet and 
balmy, yet now and. then it had a sharp edge 
to it as it cut around a curve, as if to remind 
one that the frost was not yet all out of the 
ground, and that the sun was still only the 
heir-apparent to the throne and had not yet 
been crowned king. It was the sort of day 
that one has at home a little later, when one 
still likes the feel of the fur around the neck, 
while the trees are still bare, when the eager 
spring wind brings a tingle to the blood and 
the smell of rich, black earth and early green 
springing things to the nostrils ; when the eye 
is ravished with the sight of purple hyacinths 
thrusting their royal chalices up through the 
reluctant soil; when the sun-colored jonquil 
and the star-eyed narcissus lift their scented 
292 



AS SEEN BY ME 

heads above the sombre ground, as if iincon- 
scioTis of the patches of snow liere and there, 
forming one of the contradictions of life, but 
a contradiction always welcome, because it is 
in itself a promise of better things to come. 

Not in the full fruition of a rose - laden 
June o]" in the golden days of Indian summer 
or the ruddy autumn or the white holiness of 
Christmas-tide — not in the beauties of the 
whole year is there anything so exhilarating, 
so thrilling, so intoxicating as these first days 
of spring, which always come with a delicious 
shock of surprise, before one suspects their 
approach or has time to grow weary with 
waiting. N^othing, nothing in the world 
smells like a spring wind ! It is full of 
youth and promise and inspiration. One 
forgets all the falseness of its promises last 
year, all the disappointment of the past sum- 
mer, and, charged with its bewildering elec- 
tricity, one builds a thousand air-castles as 
to what this year will bring forth, based on 
no surer a foundation than the smell of melt- 
ing snow and fresh black earth and yellow 
and purple spring flowers which are blown 
across one's ever-hopeful soul by a breath of 
eager, tingling spring wind. 

I shall never forget that first drive in 

Rome on such a day as this, which brought 

my own beloved country so forcibly to my 

mind. There w^ere rumors of war in the 

203 



AS SEEN BY ME 

air^ and my heart was heavy for my coimtry, 
but I forgot all my forebodings as we drew 
lip before the majestic steps of St. Peter's, 
for I felt that something wonld happen to 
avert disaster from our shores and keep my 
country safe and victorious. 

St. Peter's had a curious effect upon me. 
It was too big and too secular and too boast- 
ful for a church, too poor in art treasures for 
a successful museum, the music too inade- 
quate to suit me with the echoes of the Tzar's 
choir still ringing in my ears, and the lack of 
pomp compared to the Greek churches left 
me with a longing to hunt up more gold lace 
and purple velvet. There was nothing like 
the devoutness of the Russians in the wor- 
shippers I saw in Rome. I stood a long time 
by the statue of the Pope. His toe was near- 
ly kissed off, but every one carefully wiped 
off the last kiss before placing his or her own, 
thereby convincing me of the universal belief 
in the microbe theory. The whole attitude 
of the Roman mind is different. Here it is 
a religious duty. In Russia it is a sacra- 
ment. 

There were thousands of people in St. 
Peter's, many of whom — the best - dressed 
and the worst - behaved — were Americans. 
It seemed very homelike and intimate to 
hear my ownTanguage spoken again, even if 
it were sometimes sadly mutilated. But I 
294 



AS SEEN BY ME 

remember St. Peter's that Easter Sunday 
chiefly because I had with me a sympa- 
thetic companion; one who knew that St. 
Peter's was not a place to talk; one who 
knew enough to absorb in silence; one, in 
fact, who understood ! Such comprehen- 
sive silence was to my ragged spirit balm 
and healing. 

Beware, oh, beware with whom you travel ! 
One uncongenial person in the party — one 
man who sneers at sentiment, one woman 
whose point of view is material — can ruin the 
loveliest journey and dampen one's heaven- 
liest enthusiasm. 

In order to travel properly, one ought to 
be in vein. It is as bad to begin a journey 
with a companion who gets on one's nerves 
as it is to sit down to a banquet and quarrel 
through the courses. The effect is the same. 
One can digest neither. People seem to 
select travelling companions as recklessly as 
they marry. They generally manage to 
start with the wrong one. I often shudder 
to hear two women at a luncheon say, '^ Why 
not arrange to go to Europe together next 
year?" And yet I solace myself with the 
thought, "' Why not ? If you considered' 
your list of friends for a month, and selected 
the most desirable, you would probably make 
even a worse mistake, for travelling develops 
hatred more than anv other one thing I know 
'295 



AS SEEN BY ME 

of; so, in addition to spoiling your journey, 
you would also lose your friend — or wish you 
could lose her!" 

George Eliot has said that there was no 
greater strain on friendship than a dissimi- 
larity of taste in jests. But I am inclined to 
believe George Eliot never travelled exten- 
sively, else, without disturbing that state- 
ment, she would have added, " or a dissimi- 
larity in point of view with one's travelling 
companion." 

It makes no difference which one's view 
is the loftier. It is the dissimilarity which 
rasps and grates. Doubtless the material is 
as much irritated by the spiritual as the 
poetic is fretted by the prosaic. It is worse 
than to be at a Wagner matinee with a wom- 
an who cares only for Verdi. One wishes to 
nudge her arm and feel a sympathetic press- 
ure which means, '^ Yes, yes, so do I !" It 
is awful not to be able to nudge ! Speech is 
seldom imperative, but understanding signals 
is as necessary to one's soul-happiness as air 
to the lungs. So Greece with one who has 
but a Baedeker knowledge of art, or Borne to 
one who remembers her history vaguely as 
something that she " took " at school, is sim- 
ply maddening to one who forgets the tech- 
nicalities of dates and formulae, and rapt- 
urously breathes it in, scarcely knowing 
whence came the love or knowledge of it, 
296 



AS SEEN BY ME 

but realizing that one has at last come into 
one's kingdom. 

I was singularly fortunate from time to 
time in discovering these kindred, sympa- 
thetic spirits. I met one party of three 
in Egypt, and found them again in Greece, 
and crossed to Italy with them. It was a 
mother and son and a lovely girl. They will 
never know, unless they happen across this 
page, how much they were to me on the Adri- 
atic, and what a void they filled in Athens. 

I found another such at Capri and Pom- 
peii, and those beautiful days stand out in 
my mind more for the company I was in 
than even the wonders we went to see. That 
statement is strong but true. Yet my vari- 
ous other fellow-travellers who were lacking 
in the one essential of soul would never be- 
lieve it, inasmuch as a person without a soul 
cannot miss what she never had, and will not 
believe what she cannot comprehend. I 
met one ill-assorted couple of that kind once. 
They were two young women — sisters. One 
had imagination, soul, fire, poetry, and all 
that goes to make up genius; but lacking as 
she did executive ability and persever'ance, 
her genius was inarticulate. The imperson- 
al world would never know her beauties, but 
her friends were rich in her acquaintance. 
Her sister was a walking Baedeker — red 
cover, gold letters, and all. She was " doing 
297 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Europe." She read her guide-book, she 
saw nothing beyond, and the only time that 
she really blossomed was when dressing for 
table d'hote dinners. I found them at the 
Grand Hotel at Rome — one of the most 
beautiful and well-kept hotels, and one ad- 
mirably adapted to display the tourist who 
tours on principle. 

This gorgeous hotel on Easter week is a 
sight for gods and men. We engaged our 
rooms here while we were on the Nile, two 
months before, and reminded them once a 
week all during that time that we were com- 
ing; otherwise, on account of its extreme 
popularity in the fashionable world, they 
might not have been able to hold them for 
us. We reached there late on the Saturday 
evening before Easter, and dined in our ow^i 
apartments. But the next day, and indeed 
until war broke out and we fled from Rome, 
the Grand Hotel was as delightful as it was 
possible to make a gorgeous, luxuriou.s, and 
fashionable hotel. The palm-room, where 
the band plays for afternoon tea, and where 
one always comes for one's coffee, is between 
the entrance and the grand dining-room, so 
that on entering the hotel one comes upon a 
most beautiful vista of a series of huge glass 
doors and lovely green waving palms, with 
nothing but a glass roof between one and the 
blue Italian sky. 

29S 



AS SEEN BY ME 

Most of the smart Americans go there, 
and a very beautiful front they presented. 
I had not seen any American clothes for a 
year, but on Easter Sunday at luncheon I 
saw the most bewitching array of smart 
street-gowns worn by the inimitable Amer- 
ican woman, who is as far beyond the women 
of every other race on earth in her selection 
of clothes and the w^ay she holds up her head 
and her shoulders back and walks off in them 
as grand opera is above a hand-organ. Even 
the French woman does not combine the good 
sense with good taste as the American does. 
And there I found these sisters, each lovely 
in lier own way — the pretty one listening to 
the raptures of the poetic one with a palpable 
sneer which said plainly : " I not only have no 
part in these vain imaginings, but I do not 
think that you yourself believe them. You 
are posing for the world, and I am the only 
one who knows it. Have I not been with you 
everywhere, and have I, with my two eyes, 
which certainly are as good as yours — have 
I seen these things you describe ?" It was 
pathetic, for the muse of the poet soon felt 
the mire in which it daily trod. The fire 
faded from the girl's eye, her radiance dis- 
appeared, her noble enthusiasms paled, her 
fantastic and brilliant imagination dulled, 
and soon she sat listlessly in our midst, a 
tired, patient smile upon her delicate face, 
299 



AS SEEN BY ME 

while lier sister discoursed volubly upon 
clothes. Alas, the old fable of the iron pot 
and the porcelain kettle drifting down the 
stream together ! At the end of the journey 
the iron pot had not even a scratch upon its 
thick sides, but the porcelain was broken to 
pieces. How I longed to take that wounded 
imagination, that whimsical wit, under my 
wing and explore Rome with her! But 
circumstances held the two together, and I 
took instead my guide, Seraphino Malespina. 
Seraphino deserves a chapter by himself. 
His observations upon human nature were 
of much more value to me than his knowl- 
edge of Rome, accurate and worthy as that 
was. He was the best guide I ever had. I 
had heard of him, so when we arrived I 
simply wrote to him and engaged him by the 
week. He took us everywhere, never wasted 
our money (which is a wonder in a guide), 
and, while I may forget some of his dates 
and statistics, I shall never forget his 
shrewdness in understanding human nature. 
His disquisitions on the ordinary tou.rist, 
and his acute analysis of the two sisters I 
have described, were so accurate that I de- 
termined then and there that Seraphino was 
a philosopher. The interest I took in his 
narratives pleased him to such an extent 
that he was unwearied in searching out inter- 
esting material. I taught him to use the cam- 
300 



AS SEEN BY ME 

era, and lie photographed us in the Colosseum 
and in front of the Arch of Constantino. 

He persuaded me to coax the poet away 
from her sister one day and to take her with 
me instead of my companion. I did so, and 
to this day I thank my guide for his wisdom, 
for once out from under the sister's depress- 
ing influence, that whimsical genius, worthy 
of being classed with the most famous of 
wits, blossomed under my appreciative 
laughter like a rose in the sunlight. 

We saw, too, the magnificent statue of 
Garibaldi — a superb thing, which overlooks 
the whole city of Rome. We tossed pennies 
into the fountain of the Trevi, and drank 
some of the water, Avhich is a sure sign, if 
you wish it at the time you drink, that you 
will return to Rome. 

It was on the day that we went to Tivoli 
that I heard the first war news from America 
which I regarded final. W^e were on the 
I^Tile when the Maine was blown up, and all 
through Egypt and Greece news was slow 
to travel. When we got to Italy we were 
dependent upon London for despatches. I 
waited until I received my owm papers be- 
fore I knew the truth. Finally, on our de- 
parture for Tivoli, my American mail was 
handed to me, and I found what prepara- 
tions were being made — that my brother was 
going! I remember Tivoli as in a haze of 
301 



AS SEEN BY ME 

war - clouds. America arming herself for 
war once more ! Some of my family — my 
very own — preparing to go ! How mncli 
do you think I cared for the Emperor Ha- 
drian and his villa, which was a whole town 
in itself, and his waterfalls and his wonder- 
ful objects of art ? 

At any other time how I would have rev- 
elled in the idea of his two theatres^ his 
schools, his libraries, his statues pillaged 
from my beautiful Greece, his philosopher's 
wall — a huge wall built only for shade, so 
that his friends who came to discourse phi- 
losophy with him could walk in its west 
shadow mornings, and in its east shadow af- 
ternoons ; all these things would have driven 
ine wild v»dth enthusiasm. But on that day 
I saw instead the Flying Squadron in Hamp- 
ton Roads, painted black. I saw the Presi- 
dent and his secretaries, with anxious faces, 
consulting with their generals; I saw how 
awful must be the sacrifice to the country in 
every way — ^money, commerce, health, the 
very lives of the dear soldiers of our army, 
who fight from choice, and not because law 
compels their enlistment. My companion 
ridiculed my anxiety and rallied me on my 
inattention to Hadrian. Hadrian! What 
was Hadrian to me when I thought of the 
volunteers in America ? 

E'ot two days later war was formallv de- 
302 



AS SEEN BY ME 

clarcd, and altliougii Rome was yet practi- 
cally unexplored, although we had been there 
only three weeks, we rushed post-haste to 
Paris, spent one day gathering up our 
trunks from Munroe's, and left that same 
night for London. 

Once in London, however, we found our- 
selves blocked. The American Line steam- 
ships had been requisitioned by the govern- 
ment, and were no longer at our disposal. 
With changed names they were turned into 
war vessels, and few, indeed, Avere the women 
who would go aboard them in the near 
future. The J^orth German Lloyd promised 
us the new Kaiser Friedricli, and every 
place was taken. AVe went to the Cecil 
Hotel and waited. Day after day passed, and 
the sailing-day was postponed once, then 
twice. I was frantic with impatience. The 
truth was the Kaiser- Frlcdrich was not quite 
finished. Evidently it is the same with a 
ship as with dress-makers. They promise to 
iinish your gown and send it home for 
Thanksgiving, whereas you are in luck if 
you get it by Christmas. 

The only thing that consoled me Avas being 
at the Cecil. To be sure, it was filled Avith 
Americans, but I was not avoiding them 
then. I had finished my journeyings. I 
had got my point of vicAV. I Avas going 

HOME ! 

303 



AS SEEN BY ME 

How I wished for poor Bee! What an 
awful time she had with me at " The Insu- 
lar '' ! (which, of course, is not its real name ; 
but I dare not tell it, because it is so smarts 
and I would shock its worshippers). ITow 
she hated our lodgings! E'ow she will not 
believe me when I tell her that the Cecil is 
as good as an American hotel ; that its eleva- 
tors (lifts) really move; that its cuisine is 
as delicious as Paris; that its service is ex- 
cellent. Bee is polite but incredulous. To 
be sure, I tell her that the hotel is as ugly as 
only an English architect could make it; 
that the blue tiles in the dining-room would 
make of it a fine natatorium, if they would 
only shut the doors and turn in the water — 
nothing convinces her that English hotels are 
not jellied nightmares. But as for me, I re- 
call the Cecil with feelings of the liveliest 
appreciation. I was comfortable there, for 
the first time in England. If it had not been 
for the war I would have been happy. 

The hotels in London which the English 
consider the best I consider the worst. If 
an American wishes to be comfortable let 
him eschew all other gods and cleave to the 
Cecil. The Cecil ! I wish my cab was turn- 
ing in at the entrance this very minute ! 

Finally the Kaiser Friedrich bu.rst some- 
thing important in her interior, and they 
gave her up and put on the Trave. Instantly 
304 



AS SEEN BY ME 

there was a maddened rush for the Liverpool 
steamer. The Cimard office was besieged. 
Within two hours after the North German 
Lloyd bulletined the Trave every berth was 
taken on the Etruria. I arrived too late, so, 
in company with the most of the Kaiser 
Friedrich's passengers, I resigned myself to 
the Trave. 

We were eight days at sea, and some of 
those I remained in my berth. I was hap- 
pier there, and yet in spite of private woes 
I still think of that delightful captain and 
that darling stewardess with affection. The 
steamship company literally outdid them- 
selves in their efforts to console their disap- 
pointed passengers. They put the town of 
Southampton at our disposal, and the 
Trave s steady and spinster-like behavior did 
the rest. 

I held receptions in my state-room every 
day. The captain called every morning, and 
so did the charming wife of the returning 
German Ambassador, Mr. Uhl. The girls 
came down and sat on my steamer-trunk, 
and told me of the flirtations going on on 
deck. And every night that dear stewardess 
would come and tuck me in, and turn out 
the light, and say, '' Good-night, f riiulein ; 
I hope you feel to-morrow better." 

When the pilot reached us we were at 
luncheon, and every man in the dining-room 
u 805 



AS SEEN BY ME 

bolted. American newspapers after eight 
days of suspense! One man stood up and 
read the news aloud. Dewey and the battle 
of Manila Bay! We did not applaud. It 
was too far off and too unreal. But we wom- 
en wept. 

As we drove through the streets of New 
York I said to the people who came to meet 
me, ^^ For Heaven's sake, what are all these 
flags out for ? Is it Washington's birthday ? 
I have lost count of time!" 

My cousin looked at me pityingly. 

^^ My poor child/' she said, "I am glad you 
have come back to God's country, where you 
can learn something. We have a war on !" 

I gave a gasp. That shows how unreal 
the war seemed to me over there. I never 
saw so many flags as I saw in Jersey City 
and New York. I was horrified to find Chi- 
cago, nay, even my own house, lacking in 
that respect. 

But I am proud to relate that two hours 
after my return — directly I had done kissing 
Billy, in fact — the largest flag on the whole 
street was floating from my study window. 



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